All things must pass

I'm a bit Buddhist...all things in moderation I say. My scientific friends dismiss this as irrational fluffiness and my religious ones know that I am a damned heathen! The thin strip of middle ground where you can see god in the particle and believe that He doesn't exist suits me just fine, (and yes, the case choices were deliberate there!). 

I have compassion for those who have attachment to either knowing what's been proved, or believing in what can not, as that kind of entrenchment requires strong fortresses for support. And anything you feel you have to keep strong you fear becoming weak. I was minded of this the other day watching an episode of Dragon's Den where the team seemed horrified at the suggestion they invest in an on line funeral/will/wake arrangement firm. They were so negative about this, not just as a business opportunity but as a business idea at all. They were sure nothing to do with end of life would work and seemed a bit miffed to me that they were being asked to consider mortality existed at all, let alone that it was something they might suffer from themselves. Deborah Meadon said that if she wanted to talk about something so unpleasant she'd do so with her family thereby missing the point that a) families don't want to talk about it either and b) you may not get round to the awkward discussion before you actually become incapable. On line is a great way for individuals to make these arrangements and everyone is going to die so I was puzzled as to why they had no kind or encouraging word for the lady who presented the pitch. And then I realised...what the Dragon types of the world hold dear is based on a a great deal of attachment. Death doesn't fit into their model at all.

I give thanks that I've had so many opportunities in life to learn to invest in non-attachment. People, places, objects, conditions - they are none of them permanently in the in the mode of being that one might prefer and if one prefers some modes very strongly over others then disappointment and dismay will inevitably ensue. I don't think you need to sign up for any spiritual regime to see the logic in this, but I still prefer shedloads of modes and have a long way to go...I have become very attached to the idea of my urostomy equipment staying attached in all the right places, for instance, and sometimes struggle to remain equanimous when it does not, though I guess when it doesn't I appreciate clean clothes and bedding and a washing machine and running water more than most, and breaking my Streak again makes me give thanks for all the time that it's working OK, how a little piece of not even especially modern technology can enhance my quality of life so much...

I'm grateful for feeling a little livelier today and even working up a bit of an appetite again at last. For there being ready made food to eat - veggie curries and apple strudel to follow, cosmopolitan and convenient with enough time to get this written whilst waiting for them to cook! To Laura for coming to help me with some finishing of the decorating, and renovations of what's been decorated before and is now in need of repair! Also for taking me to a local carpet shop where a very helpful chap got all the suitable offcuts out of the pile for us to choose after being told what we were looking for...and even carried the selected one out to the car for us. As the piece only cost £15 this seemed very good value in service as well as goods. Right I'm off to help strudel to pass from the state of being on a plate to something very different indeed!

For Carol

First and foremost, I'm giving thanks for having known Carol Hubbard, even a little bit. I loved her humour and optimism in adversity, her ability to see the good in people and events. She will be so missed, even by those of us who were merely her virtual friends, and while I'm grateful her suffering is over I wish she hadn't had to leave us so soon...

Everything else pales into insignificance next to this today. I'm grateful for a taxi to take me to the library on a pleasant day weatherwise for the halftermers visiting the town and beach. Good to see out traders doing so much trade...and that there's even a new cafe opened, though I didn't feel in the mood to try it today. Instead I sat a while marvelling at how clean and neat and shiny the waves were today...hardly any froth or sparkle at all as they broke. I'm still feeling rather weak and unwell and so was especially grateful for my sofa and a fish finger sandwich welcoming me home...If I could just train the sofa to make the sandwich I'd be sorted, eh? I appreciate how fortunate I am for having so little that I absolutely have to do am greatly grateful to iplayer, my Skybox and for keeping me company and entertained with very little effort.

Re:

I'm grateful for getting a few more little chores done yesterday of the kind that free up your head space as much as streamline your living area. Amongst other things I rerehung a picture, the first rehanging of having failed some weeks ago. This involved fetching assorted bits of kit which I knew just where to find through having sorted out their various living areas before. Great gratitude to self for being so organised! I'm particularly pleased too with finding a use for some redundant items that could neither be recycled nor given away and which now can have a fresh lease of life before landfill finally claims them.

I'm giving thanks for a delicious brunchtime smoothie that came about because I found some tinned fruit needed eating up. I'd already bought some cheapy ripe bananas to go with it, though I hadn't realised they were there so grateful for my foresight. Thank goodness for blenders and mixers too, and Aussie soaps for showing us what we were missing! I'm grateful also for a new multi tool I got to make opening bottles, jars and the ring pulls on cans a bit easier.

I'm grateful I've been to the postbox and recycling bins and to admit the Tesco driver and unpack the supplies he brought because this later afternoon, after finishing off that lovely spicy lentil stew, I'm in need of my reconstitutional!

One of those days

I gave up on the idea of going out yesterday...or perhaps I should say I changed my mind as that sounds less negative I think, don't you? I decided to make the best of things and had a happy half hour doing nothing but looking at the internet. I found these wonderful pictures...
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/flickr-your-pictures-water-19102012.html

and read about a young man with Down's syndrome who has just become a parish councillor and a young boy with it who has become a catalogue model for some major clothing chains, which seemed to me to be steps in the right direction. Then I came across this and thought I was being unnecessarily feeble and ought to try getting dressed and ready to go out and see how I felt after that...
http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/tisha-unarmed-s-inspiring-everyday-life--no-arms--no-problem.html

Getting dressed and ready to go out is quite challenging and tiring for me, and afterwards I was thinking I could do with someone making me a cuppa and maybe a bit to eat...and I decided Mr and Mrs Eastcliff were the folks for the job and so went out after all. My cunning plan worked ha ha!

It was one of those days when I turn the corner of the terrace and there's this great slab of seashine between the end of the road and the horizon and I cannot help but catch my breath, when the wind direction means the seafront is cosier than the town, when a paper cup of tea and a foil bag of tea cake seems like a banquet, when the height and time of the tide and formation of waves mean that the front ones hit the sea wall and then bump back into the ones behind making splashy sparkly plumes. For all of the above I give great thanks!

I'm grateful too to cheerful Adam in IT support for sorting out a simple problem without making me feel a numpty. And for a Come Dine with Me Down Under which included a gay embalmer who had some maracas containing his cremated grandparents remains, a prototype for a commercial commemorative idea he had. The same day I had a certificate of right to occupy a plot in the woodland burial ground I've chosen. They include a packet of wildflower seeds to be sprinkled on the spot. At least that's what it says on the packet...the rattling sound makes me somewhat uneasy now...

Easy peasy

In 1977 my then boyfriend had a screw in lemon squeezer that I was somewhat taken with.  He left it behind when he left and it gave me years of sterling service instead. In 2010, a friend’s husband was enthusiastically squeezing lemons in my kitchen and it came apart in his hand. And no, none of these are euphemisms! The original had come from Lakeland Plastics but they had dropped the Plastics by then and this item from their stock. It took me a while to think of eBay, and when I did I found some. Yay! Sadly I didn’t buy them then and there because when I looked again they had gone. A fine selection of squeezers and reamers were on offer but none of the type that got my juices flowing (sorry, couldn’t resist!) However, at last I found something that looked similar and it has arrived and I have tried it and it is good! Incidentally, anyone who wonders how can I remember so many details? Well, if you don't have a boyfriend or husband you don't have to keep remembering where he has left his car keys and/or specs and can use the brain cells for something else!

Making some crochet flowers for my jumper was easy peasy too...eventually...as getting the pattern right took a while. I’d done a couple of prototypes in the initial design stages but after a bit of practice I tend to think it will be all right on the night as it were and it turned out there was rather a lot more practice required. It would be easier for sure if my hands weren't so stiff/numb/painful but I've not forgotten what it was like to have a hand that didn't work at all for a while and give thanks for what I've got...besides what I've lost in manual dexterity I've gained in patience - almost anyway!  I’m grateful I didn’t feel much like doing much yesterday as I was able to persevere and get to finished product stage. Product placement must ensue...

This morning I got up and washed up and got my spicy lentil stew ready to go in the slow cooker for my tea and will be grateful for that in due course I'm sure but, low in energy and still in pajamas have slunk back to bed. My head is telling my legs they ought to take me out on this crisp cold day and give my arms a rest, test out my new winter coat...and my legs are replying 'Are you having a laugh? You've done so much already. We'll take you to the sofa and that's it! Shut your eyes and stop this blue sky thinking, take it easy peasy again today...'

Breaks

Between my appointments I went to see those churning waves yesterday. There were surfers and clumps of sea foam and the brisk wind making little breaks in the clouds for hazy sunshine to come through. It was so exhilarating and I wanted to take my takeaway tea and cake down onto the sand but the tide was nearly in. 
'Not a problem,' said the sea...'Stay up there and I'll come to you!'

Something I particularly enjoy is the way that the assorted, often solitary, souls who come to gaze with awe and admiration on their faces, turn to one another and share their wonder and delight. 'Isn’t it amazing they say? I love it when it's like this?’ And I love it when they do that. Of course strangers talk to each other round here fairly easily and regularly, but I'm always reminded of being in London during that hurricane that wasn't coming and, as we dodged the flying debris together, folk on the streets who would normally have kept their eyes and thoughts to themselves were making contact, saying ‘Watch out!’ and ‘Are you OK?’. Laughing together with relief if they were, and sharing the moment.

I give thanks for my acupuncture, and an especially relaxed sensation afterwards this time. Also for how lucky I was to find Rachel when I was first looking for someone to give me treatment, someone not only unfazed by my terminal phase, but also one of those rare individuals who see things in the same colour spectrum as I do, to whom I do not have to grapple with explanations as to what REALLY matters, what really matter IS for that matter, and is able to help me remember sometimes too! 

For 'especially relaxed' you could read 'totally bushed' or 'totally bone idle', so I am also giving thanks for all that cooking I did a couple of days ago...not only were there a choice of things in the fridge when I got home but there was hardly any washing up when I'd chosen...and there's something also ready for my tea today!

Sum stuff

Wow, the sea was so loud last night! Eventually the wind joined in but to begin with  there was hardly a breeze so you could really hear the roar of the surf. Sounded almost like a motorway. No, actually, I'm grateful to say, much nicer than a motorway!

I give thanks for a candlelit bath. I love the quality of silence without the background noise of bulbs, and I sang a favourite song to myself.... It's called the Saucy Sailor or Poor Jack and it's been around for two or three hundred years at least. Some people I know are Catholic, but I'm eclectic instead. Boom boom!

I'm grateful for getting the sums right in the jumper I'm making so that there are the right number of stitches at the bottom of the sleeve to crochet the pattern I'd planned for the cuff, and at the top to fit my armhole I'd made on the body, and that the shaping in between has come out arm shaped! It's only basic maths but basically, if you get it wrong the errors can multiply all by themselves! Just got to finish the sewing up and trimming now... 

I'm also grateful I'm wearing a skirt exactly like the ones I used to make and wear in the '80s and '90s. Well, not exactly the same...this one is considerably wider and longer than those were! And I wasn't into ra ra skirts in case you're wondering and wincing at the thought. The sartorial nostalgia was brought on by seeing a pair of flat boots I liked in Stead & Simpson for the remarkably reasonable sum of £25, and then the old fashioned knicker and elastic shop in town here (the ones where they used to sell sanitary napkins, but don't tell the boys OK?) having a sale on coloured opaque tights. I kept thinking, 'Oh, if only I could have one of those little black skirts I used to make again', and perusing the internet without success before finally twigging the solution was in the verb not the noun! They are so easy and comfy and versatile...

I'm grateful that I'm going to the hairdressers today and don't need to try to detangle my hair but can bundle it under a hat. Just for a trim... When my hair grew back after alopecia it was in patchy shapes here and there, like the continents on a globe though not one of this planet, that's for sure! So there's still some areas that are shorter than the rest and it's an ongoing process of evening up as I can't hold scissors and a comb myself any more...Skirt or not, I'm not into exploring my feminine side so far as to get a 'style'. I'm mean seriously...me? Come on!

We are family

It would have been my father's birthday last week and I found it sad that I hadn't known him better, not well enough or long enough to really miss him, as he seemed to have been a good and kindly man. Coincidentally, on the same day I saw some pre-war film of my maternal grandfather, Frederic Bentley, a gentleman who died long before I was born and who I'd only ever rarely seen a photo of before. It was moving to recognise others I had known on this film, but especially special seeing footage of this family legend living and breathing, and consolidated something that I'd been musing on for a while...

The only relatives I have any contact with are four of his great grandchildren, my son Bob (funnily enough), and three cousins Simon, Sally and Adam whose grandmother was my mother's older half sister. 

Seeing the five of us together on my Facebook newsfeed I'd come to notice we share some similarities. For a start there's a particular kind of youthfulness, despite the fact most of us are nearer three figures than two (now that's scary!). It's not that we're so well formed and preserved (well hey, not just that!), it's as much to do with what we do as what we look like, what we wear while we're doing it, what we say about what we're doing, our expressions and gestures...there's a quality of playfulness there despite any deep thinking and devotion to ideals we might have, that many other people seem to lack and sometimes simply just don't get. Of course, the fact that we tend not to do a lot of what other people call 'work' might be a contributory factor here. But this is because, with apologies to Arthur O'Shaughnessy, we are not just dreamers of dreams we are music makers, artists and designers, writers and poets, photographers, creators and performers of many kinds...using pretty much any medium or instrument you can think of, including in Bob's case a soldering iron. Oh, yes and we all use names other than the ones we were given!

Musician and songwriter, a bit of an artist too I believe, if this were Who Do You think You Are? you'd be quite chuffed to have Frederic Bentley above you on the tree...He had four daughters survive to adulthood (and one of those had twelve children!) so numerous descendants, and although I know little of the whereabouts and exploits of the others, I have heard many of them have shared this particularly delightful form of creativity and been proud to trace it back to him. We're not inclined to 'tortured genius suffering for their art' and it's more along the lines of asking ourselves 'What can I do today to make the world feel good?' We like to make people dance and sing, and look and think and wonder and laugh...and OK, I sometimes make people cry as well but because my words move them not because I'm horrid, curls on my forehead or not...

I wasn't lucky enough to grow up with a sense of belonging and so on my blog today, instead of the usual list of five things for which I'm grateful, I'm giving thanks to you four for reminding me that I do, and for the genetic legacy of sharing of joy that we all share.

Making mincemeat

I see those meteorologists are now telling us there's some very strange weather coming up over the next few days. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20028490
Oh well, if the end of the world is nigh it seems only right and proper don't you think? At least I've got my hallway sorted! Very pleasing I find the new arrangement too...as long as the four horsemen can make it up the stairs I'll be ready to receive them in gracious space...

There's almost a Revelations feel about this too http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-20026938. Clever, but be very careful where you do that please, white whale, some people want to harm what they don't understand...

Last night I gave thanks for seeing all four episodes of the marvellous Kathy Burke's comedy Walking and Talking. Target audience women who were schoolgirls in the '70s I think but some characters many would recognise with mingled horror and glee - Scot's drunks and toxic nuns, for instance. Someone I think very highly of and admire, Kathy Burke. I'm sure she'd be so pleased if she knew, ha ha!

I give thanks that the material I ordered over the internet is so perfect for purpose intended. 'Tis the kind of product internet shopping is not ideal for, and I'd been after a fabric just like something I used to use years ago and have not seen since so I'd not been over optimistic. However it's spot on! Lovely Jubbly!

Right, now I'd better go check the jars are OK in the oven and continue mixing fruits and nuts and spices and so on. It's called...

Choux thing

Much gratitude to Jenny for coming to do some of the more strenuous domestic tasks for me...mostly vacuuming and window cleaning today. I'm delighted I managed to get all the detritus from my sort out out of the way first. It will have to come out of where it is and be sorted some more but, for now, I'm happy with out of sight and mind and to come home to a clean and tidy flat.

I'm grateful the meteorologists were wrong and it wasn't pouring with rain today, just a little light drizzle here and there and very mild and still. All together quite pleasant to be out and about in and in between my shopping and so on I was able to sit with a takeaway tea and and watch the waves a while. I give thanks once again for this cheery place I live and for being able to get all I went out for and more besides! I was amused that my shopping list included 'salt and vinegar'...I consider these cleaning materials more than condiments, Kim and Aggie's influence I'm sure!

I'm grateful for having such a therapeutic GP, who encourages my health and well being choices and appreciates my not needing bits of green paper issued in vain attempt to remedy the general malaise of life. And to Peacocks for selling me a sparkly jumper. Sparkly jumpers would cure any malaise of life, I'm sure, aren't you?

Oh, and many, many thanks to one of our local bakers for making such large and lush choux buns! There was one left alone in the window as I went past late this afternoon. I did the decent thing and gave it a good home!

Home is where the art is...

I'm giving thanks for finishing the second cuff of my new jumper, that it matches the first one and is a close approximation of what I originally dreamed up. You'll be wanting to see it, I'm thinking. No? Well, look away now! Otherwise you might think you're losing your eye sight when all it is is the picture out of focus, comme d'habitude!

The last of the post-acupuncture buzz and hum is wearing off now but it was an extra good one and much appreciated while it lasted, providing energy and motivation to enjoy some of those things that aren't actually necessary but that make you feel good to be doing...and delighted to have done. Like cleaning the silver heart shaped jewelry box that my grandmother passed on to me. I've been cleaning it for over half a century now so there's a comforting sense of continuity when I do...plus it looks nicer brighter. And like cutting up a card that I'd bought to fit in an old frame that I'd been given and devising a hanger for the frame with ribbon as there was no obvious way....and then moving other pictures around on walls, rearranging stuff. I may also have done something cunning with double sided tape...but we'd better wait and see! This afternoon I've almost ground to a halt and I think moving some food around in pans and arranging myself on the sofa will be the final piece of domestic artistry...

I'm grateful I decided to go to bed last night with some guided meditations instead of a book as, just as I picked up the headphones in my neighbour upstairs came home in a right strop and started stomping around and shouting at the cat! I'm glad to see the excellent Scenes of a Sexual Nature is on later. It doesn't do what it says on the tin, if you've not seen it, but is set on Hampstead Heath like the doggy thing, and is funny and moving I think. I've also been looking for some new drawer knobs for my much cherished merchant's chest...found on line shops called 'these please' and 'lovehandles'...these please me too!

New vest and panties

I dedicate this post to the late great Ian Dury who knew you didn't have to be perfectly formed to be sexy, and who could string a few words together most well...if you don't get the reference then so be it! Also to my long lost school friend Evadne 'I blew in my watch' nee Shields whose husband is something rather well paid in Conservative publishing and had her breast cancer chemo in a Harley Street clinic whilst Mr Dury was also taking his meds. If you've gotta get chemo that has to make it better, surely?

Anyway, I have just received and tried on my new Comfizz stoma underwear and it is lush, in fact if Lush made stoma support it would probably look and feel like this! They have just started introducing colours...I've just received a teal vest and knickers set, and eat your heart out Bridget Jones/Trinny and Susannah undies wearers - these are the biz. Go ask your doctor if you can have a stoma so you can have some too!

I give thanks for the sight of the hills over Shaldon, pretty in peach sunset last night, and for the white mist slowly rising and dissolving over the sea in sunshine today. For my food processor for producing such splendid dishes over the last few days: not only those scrummy buns, but also some mini nut roasts and a delicious smoothie for my brunch. I don't measure things so I'm grateful for its talent at getting quantities right...exactly enough mixture for twelve little cakes, two ramekins of roast and a medium size glass of smoothie! Particular gratitude for last night's full on veggie roast dinner including my own home made gravy that includes neither dead animals nor dried granules and is so good carnivores have asked for the recipe...

I'm grateful for all the praise my ramblings receive, and to Dan for spreading them around! I really do appreciate being appreciated you know... I wish all my readers, wherever and whenever they are, a very happy and healthy weekend. May you all be feeling fine and dandy, and fine and dandy not mind the feeling at all!

Otherwise

Mmm...still not really back in the 'real' world and I give thanks for that! I had some musings I'd been planning to share but I'm enjoying the other otherwise state of mind and they'll keep for another time

I give thanks for the glowing colours of anenomes...any anenomes but the ones I have in a jug right now will do!

...for a particularly moving Wonderland special about the dogs and their owners who walk on Hampstead Heath. I've listed the participants on that order deliberately...many of the humans wouldn't have been there if not for the dogs...and I don't mean because the dogs needed exercise and weren't allowed to go there on their own...

...for a quiet night and day on the terrace and the drummer across the road learning some really clever new riffs

...and for timing my departure to the recycling bins so perfectly that when I'd emptied my bag and turned round the catalogue courier's car was between me and my own front door. He used to complain that he 'wasn't psychic' ie. he didn't know if I was home as I don't have a bell to ring. No problem as long as I am eh? It was funny hearing his answering machine message when I came back upstairs sounding a bit exasperated and saying clearly I wasn't there... and then trailing off as he turned round himself and saw me looking at him! Oh and I now have a nice new cosy waterproof coat, two pairs of leggings and a throw for the sofa...all in the sale and all even more appealing that their pictures, descriptions and prices led me to believe!

That Thursday feeling

The sea looking like pewter from my window this morning

The clear out the cupboard buns tasting delicious, taking some to share with Rachel and her making me a mug of tea to go with them!

Excellent acupuncture and retail experience in town

This picture in the framing and print shop window. It looks like a zoomed in pixelated something and illustrated perfectly that just off the treatment table state... And yes, I am pretty much invisible. I believe I am therefore I am...that's one reason I keep going back!

More aromatherapy: coming through the door and smelling my patchouli bath from last night and today's slow cooker stew. For everything else there's chocolate...

Terranean

'Don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows' Mr Dylan had maybe seen leaves making a mass exodus from the trees in one horizontal direction as they were this morning! 

I give thanks for getting the bathroom clean over the last couple of days.  I like to do it properly now and then...old toothbrush round the taps and shower head and so on. This is why it takes me a couple of days, and why I only do the extras it now and then!

Gratitude today for Tesco plain chocolate digestives. Purists may be shocked but I direct you to the fine print...did I promise you pure? I think not! Thanks also for a new toothbrush with extra pointy bits for scrubbing so thoroughly afterwards.

I'm grateful for discovering a strand of new-to-me Passport Patrol. I love these customs programmes, a multi flavoured real slice of real life. Today I saw a team of airport officers perform a Haka to welcome home the New Zealand Warriors. Excellent!

Lastly I give thanks for a spot of aromatherapy. Nag Champa in the living room and banana nut chocolate buns cooling in the kitchen.

Shot luck

There are places you can't get to without a car :-(  Some of the best ones are accessible with sturdy legs and footwear :-(   However, as long as you can still climb the stairs of a double decker bus there are some sights left just for you and yesterday I decided to try and capture a few of these :-)

Leaving aside the fact that I only have a cheapy automatic snap camera, no fancy editing software and the manual dexterity of someone wearing mittens*, the bouncing and swaying of a moving vehicle can potentially cause problems, as can dirty or scratched windows, reflections, and unforeseen roadside objects speeding into shot before the shutter falls...like the tree below when I was turning round to take this! (If you know where to look you can see the terrace where I live...)

On the other hand, there's another tree crept in at the edge of this one that seems to be meant to be there! 

I'm grateful I've made my home in such a beautiful place and for choosing to do so when still quite well, unaware how therapeutic it would be when less so.

I give thanks that Tesco delivers here, and that I looked at the clock in time to ensure the I wouldn't have to receive my groceries dressed only in a bathsheet, a stoma bag and a welcoming smile as I've been running a little behind even my relaxed schedule today. Having the big bulky basic stuff brought right upstairs is such a help and means I can concentrate on bringing home dainty delicacies like the coleslaw from the fishmonger Rachel recommended. It was exceedingly splendid I can confirm! I also noticed that the cafe where enjoyed the cauliflower cheese had fish finger sandwiches on the menu, There's a pub not far away that had an over priced poncey version on the menu but this was just the 'normal' sort...well, normal to some of us I guess! You could have them with brown sliced bread as well, my favourite...If you have missed out so far in life on this delight, give thanks that you've been informed of their existence and can rectify the situation forthwith!

*It has taken almost an hour to write (and rewrite) this post not including tea breaks and 'downtime'!

Warmly received

I'm grateful for waking up warm in bed this morning - a rarity for me when there's an 'r' in the month!

For the bright sunshine and pattern of leaf shadow on my wall

For getting the necessaries done before departure for the bus...and for lavender disinfectant which seems to make some of them less of a chore...even when you spill it!

For the stunning views - rain on the tors and sunshine bathing the bay

For the pleasure of seeing Rachel's new clinic...oh, and Rachel too of course!

For the totally delicious cauliflower cheese with crusty bread I had for my lunch at Driftwood cafe...and for somehow staying awake afterwards til I was back home and could fall asleep again!

Sound

I give thanks for a trip to the Isles of Scilly! OK, this was only in a dream but I enjoyed it just the same... For a quiet night in the terrace...dogs, drunks, car horns and alarms all under control... For waking when the birds did with dawn just a place where darkness had drained out of the sky, listening to them twittering their good mornings...and then falling deeply deeply sleep again for another five or six hours. For the bright bright sunshine today streaming through my windows... For hearing Peter's flat fire was found and fought before anyone hurt or major damage done.

Knobs

Amazing light yesterday evening, the eastern sky charcoal dark with rain cloud but a sliver of open sky allowing the last of the sun to turn the trees to glow lemon yellow. Overhead, briefly, everything was pink. Very grateful to be looking out of the windows just then... I'm grateful a 'therapeutic' day looking of epic wtf picture viewing and snack food. Mostly I advocate positivity, purity and purposefulness but, sometimes abandoning them for a while seems to be required. I give thanks for a better night's sleep and that I found energy, appetite and inclination to make pancakes for my brunch...

Doping scandals, groping scandals, flare ups about cover ups...in a way what's new? But personally I think the current crowd surge to the moral high ground has got to be good if it helps anyone think twice about doing what they really should not do. Most of us, if no one is likely to see or find out who minds, commit acts they know at least some of the people some of the time believe are wrong....even if it's just pick their nose behind the newspaper!  Growing up in an environment where things like picking your nose or elbows on the table were severely frowned upon, but blind eyes turned to abuse and neglect, I learnt early you have to decide for yourself what is 'good' and 'bad' as the powers that be around you may not have a clue, or they may have forgotten that the real rules, the obvious rules - call them karma, divine retribution or cause and effect - inevitably eventually apply to them as well, even if they have big money, big guns, big smiles or big whatever gets other people to let you have your way...

Do as you would, and would have your loved ones be done by...and while you're at it, do to yourself as you would have others do to you...simples.

I'm delighted with these ceramic knobs I got to go on the folding doors in my hall. Can't fix them properly without a drill/hands that can use a drill so this is just 'mocked up' for now and falls down every so often if actually put to use. That's knobs for you I guess!

Light and shade

I heart Thursdays... if I was in charge there would be two or three a week!

Yesterday's trip to town turned into a bit of a Snickers as when I went down to look at the sea (in 'golden ticket' glasses from Specsavers...what a great promotional idea that was, eh?) I realised the pier was open. 
Reasonably enough they shut it if weather doesn't permit but, they'd just decided the weather was, temporarily at least, permissive enough. It was so beautiful in the mizzly drizzle watching the play of low clouds on the contours of the coastline and sun shafts making stripes of grey sea silver. They'd missed a trick not opening the cafe but I could see Eastcliff's flags flying, too far away for comfort but too appealing to resist! I love that you can sit outside there but under cover...my kind of bliss!

I give thanks acupuncture and for shelter afterwards during a brief downpour in the cheese shop and therefore buying Kalamata olives and some delicious dark chocolate topped gingerbread biscuits as well as the gorgonzola I'd gone in for...and for how jolly everyone was that I met.

Last night I suffered a nasty attack of wishing things had been different for me. It happens sometimes and I just go with it when it does. I don't beat myself up about feeling that life has beaten me up a bit. It has. This being ill business is just the latest in a long line of stuff for which I'm not really particularly grateful. When I was a kid a social worker told me that my experiences would help me become a more rounded person. I don't know about that - I reckon I've still got rather a lot of rough edges for people to scrape themselves on and that's why they keep away - but I do know that missing out on the things that seem to be big and important in life can make you appreciate the little special ones that sometimes get overlooked. If I had chums to come and cheer me up I wouldn't be able listen to the hiss of the wind in the crisping leaves for one thing! I am very lucky in many ways, including knowing the ways in which I'm not - and being OK with them.

Power play

Well, I was going to catch up with the first part of the Welcome to India documentary having missed both watching it and recording it last week. It's good to remind ourselves what cushy lives we tend to live over here I think, but iplayer wouldn't play so I watched the Kenny Everett biography which I had recorded. First thing that struck me (bearing in mind I watched Exposure on Jimmy Savile the night before) was the culture that prevailed thought it more acceptable for men to molest under age girls than consort with other adult men. I grew up in those days and knew both gay men who felt vulnerable and straight men who used their power to take advantage so this wasn't exactly a revelation, but I wondered what we vilify now that we might tolerate in times to come, or equally, what we think is fine and dandy at the moment that in future we'll condemn... history shows there have been many changes of opinion over time, and all pretty much inconceivable before their time... Anyway I enjoyed the trip down my own memory lane, the casting of well known characters superb and, having only ever found an 11 yr old classmate called Jenny MacGeorge and Simon Pegg share my birth date I was fascinated that Lee Everett did. There aren't many of us because we're special!

This morning I give thanks for windows. You can see what's outside and shut out what you don't want in...brilliant idea really! What's outside is very dark today...I'd just decided to turn a light on when I realised the power was off. It's back on now but I give thanks for heads up on what useful stuff electricity can be...

I give thanks that, entertaining though I find them, the rain and wind have died down and the sun is out as I have to be too... I got the power!

Autocorrect

Today I thought I'd share some crap stuff for a change...have a good old moan about all the things that irk me...

Nah, only joking! There's loads of folk already doing that, no need for me to join in...but there is the odd fly in the icing to coin a phrase.

I fell asleep on the sofa last night which was a bit annoying as there were things I still had planned for the evening, but not as annoying as early on on my cancer journey when losing consciousness even for a few minutes meant I'd wet myself and had to be pre-prepared for (public transport was very scary I can tell you!) so definitely a gratitude in there somewhere! Also my thumbs were super sore after using scissors and knitting needles so there many activities would have been painful anyway so probably all for the best I didn't attempt any and start to complain about that!

I stirred myself by reaching for my phone and looking at silly things on the damnyouautocorrect (laughter is a damn fine medicine for lethargy!) and went to bed thinking I'd probably wake up early having had a head start as it were, but every time I surfaced I'd just slip back down again, and when I was finally capable of performing the routines that start the day (you've had enough urinary information for one post already, I'm sure!) it was the lunchtime end of the morning. I'm not at all grateful that I get so exhausted doing so little but I give great thanks for my comfy pretty flat to flop about in and that so far Mr Cameron's friends haven't wrenched me from it yet, accusing me of scrounging and malingering. Malingering? Swype on my phone doesn't even know the word...I rest my case...

I'm not going to moan about the weather because it's ideal for a dozy cow like me. Crisp autumn days would do my head in feeling like this... I gave thanks for the sight of the long row of black bins slick with rain and one of them, just one, adorned with a single shapely oak leaf. For the large and inclusive salad I had for my supper last night (maybe all the munching wore me out, eh?) and for discovering the delicious combination that is cloudy apple juice mixed with cranberry. I'm grateful I've done the essential chores of the day so far, attended to post and phone calls, processed laundry, prepared and eaten food and done (most of) the washing up and can now autocorrect myself to the horizontal position again...

Oh, and I'm extremely grateful that Carol has left the hospice...in the 'right' direction. That IS the way to go girl!

Drop ups

Waking up in the morning quite comfortable

Having a bit more energy than yesterday, both mentally and physically

The news item about the elderly couple 'unwittingly' growing a large cannabis shrub in their garden from a plant they got at a car boot sale...

All the different types of rain there are. Today there has been lots, but mostly in very fine drops. Enjoyed seeing them travelling up and down the phone wires....Not sure how they can go up but they do, passing each other like cable cars!

The Bayaka making a drum kit out of a river. This was on Human Planet...it's not that wet yet!

Light match

Last night I did something that felt at the time rather rebellious and wicked - and thus somewhat enjoyable in and of itself (what with me being such a goodly and pure kind of being!) Don't get over excited dear reader: all it was was that I left a huge mound of washing up undone. I do know I don't HAVE to do it, but I do like to go into a clean kitchen in the morning and if I sit still too long in the evenings either my joints seize up and it's hard to move at all, or I fall asleep...or sometimes both! But yesterday I decided to give my bedroom an extra tidy instead, lighting the candles and twinkly lights, rearranging the silk flowers and polishing the dresser top. I did think I might regret it in the morning (as is often the case with wickedness and rebelliousness, don't you find?) but, as fate would have it, I felt very weak and tired and stayed in bed so late I had plenty of opportunity to be grateful the view from my pillows was so pleasing! I also gave thanks that although there was low mist and rain it was actually quite thin cloud and so the rising sun filtering through it gave such a pretty pale golden light. Matched my wallpaper perfectly, ha ha! 

In a curious way I give thanks for spilling my morning cup of tea as a) it didn't make too much of a mess and b) it made enough of a mess to get me up and out of it! Thanks also, when I finally went to get some food, for the sudden smell of tomato plants that came when pulling one off the little bit of vine on the supermarket tray...took me back to gardening days...

I give thanks for the luxury of a leisurely day (yes, I did do the washing up eventually!) and a pleasant session of catch up TV. In the latest episode of the BBC history of domestic servants there were, as there frequently are in programmes when the presenter has been to Cornwall, shots taken on the train coming back. I often spot views I know well in the background when this happens, but for some reason in this case the cameraperson decided to dispense with an image of the woman speaking altogether and there were several seconds' footage of Exeter St Thomas platform and the backs of surrounding houses. This had nothing to do with the narrative so I'm not sure why. It's not even the most scenic part of the line (sorry, St Thomas!) but I give thanks for the thrill of unexpected recognition, and for my own beady eyes... I enjoy it when the television takes me to places I cannot go...and also to places I know. 

Good to go

Heavens! Is that the time? It's been a busy week or two for me and I've had some trouble distinguishing an afternoon nap from an early night!

I give thanks for finding a last burst of energy to bustle about in preparation for a visit from Clive this morning and for a few productive and pleasant hours getting little jobs done about the place. He has hung my clothes airer on the ceiling, radiator on the wall and hooks in the hall and one or two other odds and ends making the place more convenient and me very grateful! I give thanks for the evocative fragrance of freshly cut timber, and a vacuum to clean sawdust up...Gratitude too for an opportunity to make someone else something to eat, much nicer than cooking for one...well, sometimes anyway!

I was pleased for Kobayashi and the Japanese race fans that he made out onto the podium and that the first sleeve in my latest make-it-up-as-you-go-along knitting project fits both the armhole and my arm so I can start making number two. I'm grateful there is rain forecast for the next few days and that I have nothing very demanding planned.

Home from the range

Mmm...falling asleep to the sound of pattering rain when you are warm and dry. Love it! I give thanks for the tree top glimpse I have from my bed, every morning waking up to slightly different colours this time of year, as if it's a painting someone has added a few new brush strokes to. I sometimes think I should take a regular photo of this, not every day maybe but every week perhaps. It's the sort of idea that other people go 'Oh, yes you should!' if you tell them, and would make the kind of book or exhibition I would enjoy looking at but there are so many variables to consider...time of day, position of the shot, type of light or weather, my phone or my camera...and while I've been pondering on these choices another year has gone by. Of those who are reading this thinking excuses are being made, let he who keeps a daily blog cast the first stone, I say!

This morning I intended to take a picture of the trees but the sky stole the show...isn't it beautiful? Laura and I both enjoyed the view of sky and trees on our journey into town, and an almost black cat with a huge bushy tail crossing the the road carefully in front of the car. The Range, as expected, had an excellent range of all manner of things we'd come to buy and more besides, so some pleasant retail experiences ensued... We even had a tasty snack at their cafe which isn't somewhere you'd expect to say such a thing - fruity teas and some delicious and unusual cookies.

Disposing of unwanted items sensibly is always something I enjoy. I find it so satisfying and there always seems to be a contented atmosphere lingering about any recycling facility, the accumulation of so many sighs of relief and happily rubbed pairs of hands I'm sure...I actually worked in one once, sorting plastic bottles (and the other things people put in plastic bottle recycling bins!) in a unit that provided employment for adults with learning difficulties. One of my favourite jobs actually...feeling useful on so many levels.

Now I'm grateful to be home again, with the slow cooker finishing the job I excused it yesterday and an evening of rest, reflection and vegetable stew awaiting my attention.

Cycle track

Last night I gave thanks that my noisy neighbour went to bed early so I could too! I think she's trying to be quieter but there's always a track or three she thinks would be much better at top volume. Yesterday evening one of those was White Ladder. I gave up trying to watch the TV for a few minutes and read some items on the BBC web page. The first article had a quote from a Det Supt David Gray. Made me look twice, I can tell you...

I was grateful I had enough get up and go (and coherence!) after acupuncture to take up my bags and takeaway tea and sit on the seafront a while in the sunshine and the breeze. I love watching sparrows on the beach and dogs dedicatedly digging, and the way you think the sand is flat until the tide reveals the contours by making islands and moats.

I'm grateful for waterproof sheets and ecological laundry products...no stoma should be without them! Great thanks to Laura for agreeing to take me to the recycling centre tomorrow and a shop or two for which you really need a car. I'm grateful to myself for sorting out some boxes and bags of stuff to take this morning...and for the happy nap that followed the exertion!

Great thanks also for Mr Tesco making my tea yesterday the slow cooker for making it today. Now I've switched it on at the socket perhaps it won't be quite so slow! 

Little bites

Yesterday I gave thanks for the beauty of the sea in the murky cloud and drizzly rain, the surface seeming almost oiled flat and solitary waves curling slowly onto the damp sand. For the surprising number of people walking on the beach and sea wall, and the kiosk cafes open to serve them. This is the time of year when locals are relieved to reclaim the coast...

The city I have to dredge into my goodwill to love sometimes but I was struck by the enduring architecture of the cathedral and green, the cobbles and carvings and leaded windows and the long cerise, turquoise and violet hair of a passer by. Shopping to me is a task like any other,  rather than a pleasurable pastime so I was grateful that I was able to acquire the things I'd gone for with minimal effort and expense. And I was very grateful for the pleasure of Jared's company, driving out onto the moor for real this time, talking at length of this and that and contentedly eating tapas. I am so happy he is so happy.

In a difficult night I gave thanks for the moonlit starry sky and a comfy bed... This morning for the bright sunshine and breezy freshness of the day, for having an acupuncture appointment so I'll have the opportunity to enjoy it on the way.

Litter bits

I'm in a bit of a mardy mood today...No that's not a gratitude, but I am grateful I've spotted it and can attempt not to litter my positivities with grumbly clauses the way one can so easily do. You know the kind of thing...like when people say 'Nice weather today...and about time too!' or 'There was a parking space outside ...for a change!' 

I give thanks for travel on Google Streetview! It was spring when the camera went up on the part of the moor I visited so I 'drove' past snowdrops in the hedgerows and blossom on the trees...

I give thanks for overcoming the challenges of getting washed and dressed and the tangles out of my hair. I give thanks for clean clothes...and not spilling my lunch!

I give thanks I have a friend to meet later and that I feel up to a small real life journey to actually do the meeting. I give thanks for public transport, paracetamol and a mac!

Joined up reading

Late yesterday I began to realise that the people who read my blog were reading the Positive News article and people who read Positive News were reading my blog. Joined up reading...Yep, liked this a lot! It felt strange to know that people I didn't know at all were 'liking', 'tweeting' and 'sharing' with other people I didn't know all around the world, but also not unpleasant!  I give thanks for the opportunity to share the idea and that it has been received so well.

As I mentioned a few days ago, now that I've been doing it for a while it's a little hard to get my head round the fact that the practice of recording things for which you're grateful is anything unusual or noteworthy. In fact, it was only last week when Massimo described this as being as much a practice than a blog that it dawned on me that this too was true...I guess we take the good in ourselves for granted sometimes as much as what's beyond. Apart from marvel at the response, I did very little yesterday pm apart from enjoy an episode of QIXL. Thank goodness for catch up TV - I'm always way behind! 

Today I was grateful for grey and murky weather that was very conducive to staying late in bed with a book...the heroine liked to finish a book so it seemed an appropriate homage. Great thanks to Dan Rhodes for a piece of writing that combined a light and humorous touch with gentle profundity.

I give thanks that Jo has finally got some time off work...I think it's a record for her how long she's been without a holiday, ha ha! And that Dan's dog Ada survived an argument with a car. She is small enough for a run in with a wing mirror to cause some damage, but a whole car? It must've been on tip toe! I'm grateful for a cheery Tesco delivery driver and for attending to some of those little jobs that are never as arduous and time consuming as avoiding them can be. I'm sure you know the kind of thing.  In this case changing a fuse in a plug, giving the water filter jug a good scrub and turning up a pair of jeans...the rest of the day I've been resting. That is why it's called 'rest', right?

It's academic

Shipwrecked and mango juice: you knew it was the lyrics to a theme tune, right? One of those things when writers put other people's things in their stuff... Yes, I know there's a proper academic name for the practice and give great thanks I've been there, done that and no longer need to bother with constipated phrases to balance out the citations and keep within wordcount limit! 

I give thanks for a pleasant nurse performing the regular monthly medical tasks...and even more that I no longer need maintenance procedures a minimum of once a week. I'm grateful I found a gap between carousing neighbours and inner alarm call to get some decent sleep, and another between pre departure preparations and setting out for Shiatsu stretches. Thanks too for the cake I had for elevenses, labelled as gluten free but clearly laden with most of a day's quota of calories - I missed breakfast am still quite unconcerned about lunch, though maybe some tea might be in order sometime! Greatest thanks ever for never (so far!) needing to 'watch' what I eat...I might gaze at it adoringly but that's not the same thing, is it? Which reminds me too, I'm grateful for yesterday's hasty tasty tea, a kind of cheat's pie with red onion, chutney, spinach and goat's cheese under a few sheets of filo. 

For a stretch of stretched out doziness when I got home from town, listening to the soft sigh of breeze in the leaves and, whilst my eyes were open, watching clouds hurrying across blue sky in ever increasing numbers...

For new readers... Welcome! May you find something here to make your day more smiley... 

And for 'old' ones... Here is the article on the website at last, only slightly tinkered with in the editing and mostly 'wot I wrote'
http://positivenews.org.uk/2012/wellbeing/8322/power-gratitude/