A question of form

I give thanks for the glorious green of the new leaves lit by low sun yesterday evening. And for beginning to get the hang of photo editing and sharing via Picasa! I could edit or share before...things can can sometimes get better!

I'm grateful for the quiet revelation of Quiet. I'm aware of the fact that in others' eyes I have some faults (I have some in my own but they're not necessarily the same ones!) As this book unfolds I now understand many aspects of my nature that I have been told there needs to be more of, or ought to be less of, are founded in body as much as mind and even tend to come as a set of characteristics.You might as well tell someone they should be another height, or their eyes should be a different colour and so on... And though indeed culturally we may do something very similar (albeit sometimes indirectly) that's to do with our ignorance, assumptions, preferences and prejudices rather than the criticised individual's actual physiology. So in lieu of all the times when people in my 'real' life could have said accepting or even appreciative things, reading that this omission was probably also due to ignorance etc...rather than me being bad, or even their bad manners, well that's really rather special!

I'm grateful I (think I) have finished filling in an interminable DWP form. One of the questions was 'Do you have difficulty filling in forms?' Oh, if only you could have just answered 'yes' to that one!

I'm give thanks for changing this occupation now and then to use different muscles, joints and brain cells...and for thus making a bit more progress with my new top. I'm grateful it's too cold to wear it yet as there's still a long way to go, but it's a pattern I've not sewn before so it's (so far!) a pleasant voyage of discovery...nothing too challenging but a bit of mental stimulation here and there...and that these two occupations have pretty much filled in all my day apart from mini napping and maxi nibbling so there's been no chance for household chores...

Seat crew

I give thanks for being mariginally more vigorous the last couple of days. The difference in speed might be indiscernable to the untrained eye (somewhere between a sloth and a slug, I reckon!) but I am aware of it and appreciate it anyway.  I've been able to do some things not absolutely essential for keeping body and abode in working order and that's always good. Only sedentary things though, so much gratitude that I have such nice things to do sitting down... including making a start on sewing my next new top which, after spending two days pinning and cutting out just six pattern pieces, is progress indeed! I was going to write after that I haven't even had a proper nap, just a few minutes eyes closed here and there...and then I fell quite soundly asleep...

For Ashley Banjo happy and pleased...his delight is so delighful! If I could have my health back for a month I'd use it to go on Secret Street Crew. I would have so enjoyed doing something like that...though I'm not sure where I'd have found four friends to dance with, or a room full of people to impress...

I gave thanks for a rummage in the depths of a cupboard that revealed I hadn't given away a length of fabric bought a few years ago...and that it was (as I had imagined I could remember) just the right colour and weight for the job I have in mind for it...

I give thanks for Tesco home deliveries and that the driver had one of those squiggly machines that you could actually write on! For an ensuing easy peasy tea and that they had everything in stock that I asked for...except the kind of bread I like. Oh well...woman cannot live on buns alone, I suspect, but my goodness me she'll give it a try!

Quiet

I give thanks for a warm welcome from by bed last night and when (twelve hours later!) I finally achieved vertical again it was just at the moment when a tanker glided into view, close to shore after skirting the sand banks and heading out to deep water...

I give thanks for the Luminites brightening up Britain's Got Talent with a freshness of folky harmonies...beauty...and beatboxing!  I fast forward through chunks of these programmes (gratitude for this facility!)...applauding little girls emulating big ones makes me uneasy and (agreeing with the judges on this one) no matter how good another singer strumming their pain with their fingers is, it is a bit yawnworthy (even though I have been there and I have done that!) but I woke up this morning and wanted to hear those bright young things performance again and it still brought tears to my eyes. Much thanks for Youtube eh?

Much thanks also for coming across a book in the library yesterday that explains this kind of sensitivity is quite normal...among introverts. The book is called Quiet and it's very comforting to sit quietly and read it and realise how many other things about me are normal. I must give thanks that my life isn't full of people who want my company and participation...though a few more now and then wouldn't come amiss...introverted maybe but I'm not intentionally a hermit you know!

I give thanks for the wonderful images shortlisted on the Sony world photography awards. Can't really say that and put a snap on here can I? I'm grateful for my restraint...

Bun feast

I'm so grateful I see the sea from my windows...in the living room it's disappearing from view as the new leaves grow but there's an ever present though ever changing triangle of visibility from the bedroom and last night I was awestruck as ever by the brightness of moonlight on the water. Today it's streaked in blue and brown with sudden flecks of foam.

I'm grateful I had the money for a cab down to town as I had a parcel to collect from a store there and a little left over for some serendipitous retail opportunities. The serendipity I find just as therapeutic as the purchasing! I'm grateful I didn't fall asleep resting on the sea front afterwards. I was so sleepy and had found a sunny spot out of the wind...but I was worried I'd be mistaken for the other kind of bag lady and moved on!

I'm delighted I came back to taxi rank via the choux bun shop. This is why I don't fret about my intermittent appetite...because when I am peckish I can eat one of these! They are big enough to share but as I've no one to share with it'll have to last two days, or two sessions anyhow (sigh of solitary contentment). I'm grateful for a couple of bowls of that tasty stew left in the pan too, for nourishment of the parts that cake doesn't reach...

Gratitude too for discovering Pedro Almodovar has a new film out. I'm so excited...that's what it's called and that's what I am...in a quiet lying downy sort of way...

Nodding off

Gratitude this morning for the rainbows dancing round the room as the sun shone through the crystals hung up in the window so just so they would do that...

For Jenny coming to do some tasks that seem impossibly vigorous to me now, especially all one after another without a nap or perhaps a night's sleep in between!

For your kind and appreciative comments...thank you! It's not far off two years I've been doing this (thinking it would only be for six months or so...) and I can't really imagine not doing it now. I sometimes find the typing a bind but the remembering to be grateful has become second nature. Even if I'm majorly miserable and out of sorts I still find some things that make me glad. Maybe I just have a cushy life eh?

For getting some spicy veggie stew into the slow cooker by instalments of preparation so slow it almost had to be fast cooked in the end...but it was perfectly ready when I woke up from my siesta and perfectly delicious so I was extra grateful for that. Bit like being looked after! Much thanks for having my appetite back as well...though the energy is till awol. The plan now is to stay awake til bedtime...perhaps best to have an early night!

For the sight of someone erecting bean canes in one of the gardens below and the sound of someone else playing an accoustic guitar...

For sewing the pockets of my next pair of trousers. Not a lot of progress but it's been the Great British Sewing Can't Be Bothered here today...

Going on

Sometimes I start to write with no idea what I might say...endeavouring (and often failing) to stay appreciative of all I perceive (if nothing more, just because I am perceiving it) but endeavouring also to avoid tedious repetition so that readers don't go 'Oh no, she's going on about being grateful about that again!

And I'm aware that the words I choose to express the feelings I have on encountering the experiences I do are woefully inadequate at passing the feelings on...

I gave thanks this morning for feeling less unwell than over the last few days... being less in pain and having more of an appetite. For making it down the hill under my own steam to rest in the sunshine on a free bench at the sea front with a cuppa and a snack. I give thanks for the free bench, the sunshine and the snack...for a cocker spaniel lolloping into the waves and then back to his master far too interested in the camera to stay far enough away for him to take a shot! For the skein of birds twirling like ribbon and disappeaing as they caught the light and a butterfly perching on warm concrete to slowly waft its wings.

For the little sewing shop having exactly what I wanted by way of lace...and the kind lady from there finding me in the bakers a few minutes later when I'd left one of my bags behind. 'I know you often come in here afterwards', she said! At the takeaway when I went to get the tea they said 'No sugar, isn't it?' and when I went to get some veg the lady there asked how I was as she hadn't seen me for a while and offered me a sun warmed cherry tomato... so much gratitude for living in such a friendly place!

I give thanks to Rachel for a cuppa and a chat and some great acupuncture too so that now although I feel exhausted again it's in a more contented and relaxed way than recently so happy naps ensue...

Would you like to see my new cardigan? So would I...it only looks like this so far! I suspect it will be no bigger by morning, not that the lovely fabric behind will be any nearer being a blouse!

A nice cup

Well, I'm still feeling peaky so I'm grateful I managed to eat my tea last night...and, when I had no appetite again today, remembered to try pancakes! I give thanks for the tangy smell of freshly cut lemon and the crumbly crunch of soft brown sugar...impossible to resist...

I was very grateful for a message from Laura asking if I'd like to go out for a cuppa somewhere this afternoon and for pleasant sitting outside with it weather. She found me these cups in a charity shop recently so much gratitude for that...I'm collecting unmatching china at the moment and I've a few pretty designs including some plates like this...

I'm grateful I've abandoned the spring tidying for today...it's important to know your limits, to go a little beyond them now and then, and then stop!

I'm grateful for more leaflets on more of the trees...

Investment

The last few days I've been trying to mentally solve a storage problem...and yesterday evening it got to the point where some things had to be physically moved to consider it more closely. I did a bit of that and left a heap of stuff in front of the flat door before I went to bed...it's not as if anyone comes in and out except me and I wasn't planning to for a while...

You can take measurements as much as you like, you can even do some nifty computer graphics with images of your space and the thing you might like to put in it but nothing beats actually trying it out for the look and feel of the fit. Now this is when I'm extremely grateful I don't have a car, because if you do you jump in it and go and buy things, but if you dont...and even getting deliveries is tricky...you think long and hard. I'm a long and hard thinker re purchases anyway. There are those who buy and then realise maybe they needn't have done, or even maybe they shouldn't have done, and those who don't and then maybe wish they had... I give thanks for being mostly in the latter category. It's something I always thought went with years of little cash to splash but people tell me this is not necessarily the case...so extra gratitude for my good fortune at not spending a fortune I haven't got!

Anyway, this morning in bed I had a brain wave that required a bit of an internet search...and then I saw something that might do the trick was in an ebay auction ending in 35mins with a current bid that seemed most reasonable to me (given the fact that it might not!). This inspired me to get up and put the kettle on, so when the phone rang I was there in the kitchen to hear it. It was a courier delivery for something that I had expressly asked to come by post...but despite the fact the company had ignored the instructions I'd given, the driver had obeyed the ones I hadn't and rung the bell to tell me he was there! Overwhelming gratitude there... but with the distractions and delays (like moving the stuff in front of the door to get through it!) when I got back to the laptop there was just four minutes left to log in and bid...and I did and won the item!

I'm grateful for having stuff to store...but not loads of it...and for the Hoarder Next Door for making me feel minimalist and tidy! For the sound of birdsong through my open window as I typed the start of this post...and later for a spell in the sunshine in the communal gardens with a folding chair, a book and some of the nicer neighbours. It was far hotter out there than I thought it would be so I was very grateful I had a decent vest on under my jumper!

I've had no appetite today so I'm grateful this means I can be really piggy when it returns. And though adequately clothed again I simply can't get warm so I'm grateful there's a jacket potato ready to come out of the oven...it should sort one or the other, if not both!

On the bend

I give thanks for a fun afternoon out at our local hospital...well, I made it as much fun as I could... Lovely to see one of the district nurses who used often come here and I'm so grateful I don't need that these days. For a surprisingly tasty cup of coffee from a machine...and managing to operate it despite an attentive waiting room audience! And for the fantastic estuary views from the end of the corridor...

Gratitude to the kind young physio who checked me over and came up with some exercises to try to alleviate some of the pain. And that these are not too arduous or painful in themselves...

I'm grateful I found a crumpet in the freezer...just what I needed when I got back..it's right nippy out there today! That I did some dinner prep while I cooked it and brewed a pot of tea...so I'm half way there when I can get back up out of the chair...And to a friend's much missed mum, Margaret, for the easy cheesy recipe. 

Tale ends

Today, predictably I guess, I've been tired and sore after my exertions and excursions yesterday...but I'm exceedingly grateful that I went out and have such a fine reason for being rather floppy and unproductive today. I haven't some much more than breathing, blinking, heating up leftovers and operating the remote control...but these are suitably Sundayish pastimes anyway...

I'm grateful I've finally cut out the main pattern pieces for the dark brown trousers. I waved the vacuum at the rug on preparation for this once before this week and then left it and it got bitty again, so it was touch and go for a while today that I'd do it again and then have a little rest eating Eccles cakes without a plate or some other crumb creating activity

I'm grateful I've come up with Plan G (or whatever it must be by now...) for cleaning my high up and awkward opening windows. I've only done a cleaning rehearsal, you understand...someone with stronger (and preferably longer) arms than me must actually do the work but I have a process in mind and I'm going to make a specialised piece of equipment on my sewing machine when I get round to it ready for when they do!

With two books on the go and nearing the final pages of both I've been slowing down reading as I'm rarely happy with 'ends'...writing them or reading them or watching them on small screen or larger. It's taken me a while to realise that of course an 'end' is purely a narrative construct as there's no such thing in any description of events...factual or fantastic. The states of states and things are always changing, and through my own struggles to come to the bit where you stop telling the story in an elegant and appropriate fashion I'm beginning to grasp that's why they so often fail to satisfy. I'm very grateful for that.

I'm also grateful for a small firm pear...well, two actually - a pair of pears just the way I like them! For some reason my fruit preferences used to make people snigger when I mentioned them in the workplace. I give thanks that I can't hear you...  But before I leave punderland for slumberland I just thought I'd share this picture of spring bulbs with you. Pay attention at the back...

High tide and green grass

I woke up early this morning and had a bright idea for something worth the effort to go out for. It's always an effort getting ready and going out, and some days not much seems worth it, especially when you've been reading of walks in wild places and that's what you love to do best and can't. I decided to go to look at and maybe buy a pair of sandals I'd seen a few weeks back when it was much too cold to take off my two pairs of socks and big boots to try them on. They were sandals I liked the look of from both the aesthetic and practical point of view...a rare combination in ladies' shoes, and especially ladies who find heels a hazard and buckles such a bind! These had flat soles, an elastic strap and sparkly bits...and were only a short scenic bus ride away not it a big town or city (I mean seriously it gets no better than that for me!) so...eventually... just as the sun was venturing out into the open so did I...

And then all sorts of happy things happened... I met the nice poodle dog as I was leaving the terrace and from the bus stop I could see a tree of blossom opening, and the bright green grass of the hill behind bathed in sunshine, and a big boat coming into the harbour on the high tide and two little prop planes flying over in formation...and as the bus was on time this was all in just five minutes or so! The shoes were there and they fitted my feet and a charity shop nearby had a lovely skirt too that fitted the bit that skirts skirt round...and there were ducklings dabbling on the stream - probably my favourite kind of baby animal ever!

I had a mug of freshly made tea and a home made fairy cake for 90p at a table top sale where they also had the cutest knitted dogs...and when I got back here I walked along the seafront where an old work colleague coming the other way said 'Turn round...look there's dolphins!' and I caught a last glimpse of them jumping as they left the bay before more tea and cake at Eastcliff where for some reason a ukulele band was serenading the patrons with songs in glorious sunshine and making everyone smile.

That's a lot more 'worth it' than I would have imagined could be packed into getting some shoes and, though it was a great one, I am most grateful that I made the effort!

Baggy trousers

I'm grateful I've finished my first two prototype 'alternatively-abled' garments. They are easy to put on (one of the most important criteria), look quite good on (better than they do in the photo anyway!) and were only slightly harder to make than holding the camera to take it! I might make a few slight changes to the next versions and I might dye the trousers...that's a rather pale plain expanse of colour for any of those perky wardrobe malfunctions, but otherwise quite a successful start and I give thanks for that... However, eagerly rushing to order some of the lovely coloured linen I got samples for a couple of weeks ago for more trousers I discovered they've sold out and I have to admit I did not give thanks for that! Never mind, I've a length of bitter chocolate brown I bought locally and as it's a slow process getting anything done that will keep me busy for a while I'm sure...I give thanks I bought that before the weather changed and seamsters and seamstresses believed they might wear lighter weight clothes again...

I give thanks for the particularly beautiful shades of blue in the sea and sky today...and that I have only seen them from indoors. If I could have been chauffeured about I'd have been happy to view them closer to, you understand, but the flesh is quite weak after a busy week!

I'm grateful I've used most of my available energy making a pot of slow cooker veggie stew...that should keep me going for a day or two...and that the whole of this sentence came out with the right letters first time. Oops..I typed 'whoke' and 'forst' in the last bit...shouldn't count your chuckens, should you?

Art imitating life

I'm reading the Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry and enjoying it so much I'm making myself put it down sometimes to make it last! I didn't realise what it was about and probably wouldn't have bought it if I had, but sometimes that's the way I find with books...that if there is something it might do you good to think about then a novel will tell you even if you avoid it in the non-fiction section! As some of it is about long distance walking and that's a poignant topic for me I decided to finish reading Satish Kumar's No Destination in bouts in between. I'd put that down for a while because he'd got to a bit about his close connections with other people and happy family life and that was making me think too much about those kind of things, but what do you know...I turned a few pages and he's off on a long walk again! There's a line that moved me deeply though 'My pilgrimage is in every moment and in every place.' and I give thanks for that.

I'm grateful that after my late siesta yesterday I half got up for a sandwich and a bit of catch up TV and then went back to bed for an early night...oh, the mercy of rest when you need it! I suspect there will be more of the same today after acupuncture... Also that I uploaded the few pictures I took with my camera while I was away and found this...the real squirrel was actually facing the same way as the wood one at first and I did wonder if it was part of the sculpture so closely did they match, but I probably disturbed it 'creeping' closer!

I give thanks for books...real printed paper ones. The electronic variety don't kindle my emotions in quite the same way...

Much gratitude to Jackie for calling to say she'd booked me a physio appointment and that there wasn't one til Monday as I think I'd have sighed a little if she'd said there was one tomorrow - an ample sufficiency of  medical manoeuvring this last few days!

Gifts

I give thanks for the gift of last night's stretches of sleep between my body and the neighbours being a pain.

For the pleasing things I saw from the bus - cheery cherry blossom, elegant magnolias, flocks of shy primroses, the curving line of pale foam separating the murky brown headlands from the murky grey sea, three ducks coming in to land on a stream, two friends' friendly meeting, a dozing dog in a garden raising an eyebrow as we rumbled past...

For the kindly nurse chasing down the tea trolley for me, the hospitable housekeeper carrying the mug...and that after only causing one horrid swollen vein and bruise the former took my advice and abandoned the back of my hand for my more co-operative inner elbow.

I give thanks for our wonderfully restorative Force Centre surroundings and staff steadying me for the long journey home...and that when I got here I made a quick cuppa and went straight back to bed and slept! Sometimes this feels like giving up or giving in...but sometimes it's the greatest gift you can give yourself...

Cross purposes

As I've got to be at the far end of the hospital at half past ten tomorrow I've been trying to get into the habit of waking up earlier beforehand - including the walking bits it takes about three times as long to get there by public transport! Shame is takes me at least three times as long to do pretty much everything else as well... I'm very grateful for public transport though...and even the creaky use of my legs... far better than struggling to find a mutually acceptable head space with a volunteer driver who would probably find my lack of interest in discussing illnesses, moaning about the weather or blaming everyone else for everything else (including one's own state of mind) exceedingly trying!

The Home Office Pathologist who spoke last week joked he took this career turn after completing a medical degree and realising he didn't like ill people. Well, maybe he was joking eh? Made me laugh anyhow...

I'm grateful for the warmer weather of the last couple of days...actually went out without my winter coat and hat yesterday and there are a couple of trees nearby that almost have leaves open!

For the crisp bite of a new toothbrush...

For Tesco making exceedingly good cauliflower cheese. I read a review in Olive magazine and thought: well, if it's good enough for them...

For the cone of two ply yarn I ordered yesterday afternoon turning up this morning. Sometimes companies and the postal service purprise you in a good way don't they? And for thinking of this way of making some rather thin double knitting a bit bulkier so I can use a larger size of needle and get less cramp! The new yarn is also very slightly darker which is ideal as I thought the original a bit too pale.

That I've made and eaten my tea already which is a good start for the early night I need...For Attraction's surprising and moving audition on Britain's Got Talent and that you can see it on Youtube and don't have to watch the whole show!

Swings and roundabouts

I'm grateful for gradually getting back into the swing of things at home. Well, I've had a bath, mostly unpacked (including a jar of mayonnaise freshly made for me by Jo before I left yesterday - yum yum!) and ordered some groceries from Tesco...maybe not swinging exactly yet!

I'm grateful for an absorbing novel for the bits in between. It was one I chose very quickly, without reading more than the briefest blurb on the back so it's surprising and satisfying what a good choice it has turned out to be (so far!)

I'm grateful I walked down to the doctor's - my joints are all in rebellion right now but it was one of the things I'd booked the appointment for so better than feeling a fraud. And for a useful exchange of ideas there...including the go ahead for rose hip pills which I'd tried with some success it had seemed but had stopped on hearing there were contra-indications with some particular types of anaemia. I was very grateful that we don't have rollercoasters and rides, fast food and gift shops down on the seafront here...

I wasn't at all grateful when all the bakeries had sold out of cream cakes before I got there but I guess my arteries might have been... and yoghurt and chocolate rice cakes was pleasant too...

I'm grateful when I spilled my cup of tea it missed me!

Today's news

I'm grateful to be home safe and sound, though very strange it seems! For my book and mp3 player for cushioning me somewhat from the tensions of a crowded train...for the first load of washing chiurning the machine... and a scratch supper and an early night calling when it's done.

Much thanks to John and Jo for their company, and hospitality including jacuzzi bath and luscious food. For hearing from the cab driver that the weather here has been unrelentingly grim so that it seems I've had quite a good deal climatewise. For a cosy jumper and heaters to put on - I've been surrounded by radiant radiators the last few days and will take a while to adjust my inner thermostat

Great gratitide also to Positive News for alerting me to this article in the Guardian about the many reasons why consuming news is bad http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2013/apr/12/news-is-bad-rolf-dobelli, but most particularly to the Guardian itself for publishing it. Well done that newspaper!

Nutty and slack

I give thanks for a lovely spring morning, almost restoring the spring in my step I seemed to have mislaid first thing! For the holistic hospitality at Fountains Court hotel and the helpfulness I seem to inspire in elderly gentleman. At least I think it's helpfulness...I've been known to misread the motive of the male!

For Filmore & Union for providing such tasty station fare (they provide it in towns up North too if you're in that neck of the woods) and for a ray of sunshine shining through the glass roof onto my head while I sat at one of their tables! I'd gone to platform 5 specially to get a snack for them and was delighted (if somewhat surprised) to find the platform I needed next - 9 - was next to it! I gave thanks the hoardes of over dressed yet scantily clad females (Hen party? Early starting girls' night out?) were not going the same way... For a peaceful and safe journey back to the station down the road from John and Jo's and them coming to pick me up. I seem to have left spring in Yorkshire but that's fine...I'm ready to hibernate again for a while, particularly while almond slices are made!

Cotton wool

I've been finding it very comforting giving my comfort zones a nudge, remembering they've merely shrunk through lack of stretching and are not statically small. Keep pushing at your comfort zones, folks or you will find yourself in a box!

Booking the ticket and the taxi for yesterday evening's outing was a very good plan as I was very tired and unwilling to go. The speakers (a forensic pathologist and a novelist - both careers I've at one time thought were for me!) were great raconteurs and highly amusing but with some interesting tales to tell...whilst the audience's questions revealed some fascinatingly macabre preoccupations. I'm grateful I wasn't sitting next to some of them! Going out in the evening to a lit place full of strangers, walking home after dark along streets I'm not familiar with...little echoes of an erstwhile adventurous spirit...much gratitude for these!

Though plans had done some changing they'd always been to go to Whitby today and though I left the hotel intending to do just that, events conspired and compounded so that I ended up deciding to go wherever the next bus went instead... which turned out to be Bridlington - a place I knew nothing of at all. After a tediously slow and fog blanketed journey, and its apparently unending and uninspiring outskirts, this turned out to be an excellent choice of destination. The sun even briefly glimmered! I was grateful I was able to avoid the 'amusements' and watched the sinking (unoccupied) boat with the locals instead! Very good fudge as well...

I'm grateful for staying 'home' this evening...it's such a cosy and hospitable place to be. For another lovely dinner and pleasant company while eating it. That I've started the packing up (and finished the fudge!) and can return to my book...and before long my bed as well

Ringing the changes

There was a power cut in the area earlyish this morning, taking out a few streets of hotels so there was a range of alarm sounds as far as the ear could hear until they were turned off and I went back to sleep... Next noise, about eight fifteen, was a knock on the door and the owner with hot water and milk and biscuits so we could make ourselves cuppas while we waited for it to come on. Much gratitude for this thoughtfulness...and not long after it DID come back...but not my phone signal so I'm writing this in anticipation of being able to post it later today.

It's later today and eventually the data connection returned so I'm grateful for that! I don't get much of a signal here and the battery hates having to do all the work with no wifi to help so I'm very grateful I remembered to bring my charger and the management has lent me an extension lead so I can plug it in! Also for another nice breakfast in my room and a second therapy...I don't tell you what they are so the sceptics don't snigger but basically an hour or so of someone paying me well meaning attention is fine and dandy any day! I'm grateful for lots of creative inspiration coming to me during this one...

I give thanks for buying new gloves yesterday...much needed on this parky afternoon. And for walking too far...also kept me cosy and led to a lovely siesta on my return. I'm grateful I've bought a ticket and booked a taxi to go out later as otherwise there's no way I would... I've spent most of the time I'm not out of my room doing something, in it and fast asleep but that's something I'm grateful for too.

Northern Heights

Lots to be grateful for today...

A leisurely tasty breakfast in my room... A good therapy session followed by a rest and then a tasty lunch. Couldn't find room for the dessert so particularly grateful I could save it for my supper!

Grateful for the sun coming out this afternoon, warm enough even to have coats off for a while! For a lovely few hours with Bob including saying I wanted 'just to look at a little church I'd seen on Streetview' before going somewhere for cuppa and a snack and finding they were serving cuppas and snacks! Turned out to be one of the lightest pieces of cake I've ever had while Bob enjoyed an exceptionally flavoursome quiche... For finding the energy for an amiable amble through the large but lovely city including a coffee on the riverside, a visit to the castle (my poor knees!) and a trip on the Yorkshire Wheel (my poor nerves!). For the photo they took of us there actually being rather a good one! For remembering I'd seen a healthy snack place at the station and it a) being open, b) having great things to eat and c) being on my platform too...For a peaceful ride back with a low orange circle of sun shining through the low grey cloud and Appaloosas in the fields...and for having no housework, cooking or washing up to do now that I'm here!

Queen of the road

I give thanks for...

Seeing snow drift remnants on the escarpment we drove up to for a view last night...

And a trailer outside a wood waste recycling plant with a sign on reading 'Trailers for sale or rent' (probably only the over fifties would get that!)...

Only having skinny people sitting next to me on crowded trains...

The beauty of York station...why can't they all be like that?

Stopping for a Pumpkin cuppa at the end of the line and the woman at the next table asking where we were so she could give directions to her daughter she was meeting. Gee, felt just like old times...people in foreign countries used to stop me and ask the way (in their native tongues) Guess I look like someone with a map in my head! Nowadays I have one on my phone...so was grateful for an island of signal to help her out and post this too...

Crossing the country

I give thanks for CrossCountry quiet coach after having to share the first train with some very belligerent folk badmouthing the conductor for not wanting them to use the wheelchair ramp or block the doorways with their enormous buggies and cheering when they heard Margaret Thatcher was dead. When an elderly gentleman stood up for her they started verbally abusing him too. Whatever your politics, no matter whether you cheered her political career or not, publically celebrating the demise of an old lady and picking on an old man seemed both unnecessary and unnerving to me. I guess I was a bit unnerved anyway...this is the furthest I'll have been from home and the longest time I'll have been away from home (apart from hospital) for some years! I'm grateful for not letting a little thing like terror stop me! Thanks too for the sight of the deer in the parkland to distract me from the fracas...or at least for being there so I could pretend they were!

I'm grateful the refreshment trolley arrived just after I'd sat down and got settled and that there was plenty of room to settle wherever you wanted if your reserved seat didn't appeal.  That I managed to drink a cup of coffee without spilling it (and eat waffles too!) and that I even managed to use the train loo...

Much gratitude to John and Jo for their hospitality...mmm, here comes some more!

No wifi at the hotel I'm off to tomorrow so if there's a long silence now you'll know why...

In that case

Ho hum...what am I grateful for today?

That my extra insulating earplugs give me some peace and quiet when others around don't want it...

That the triffid-like sound I heard when they were out of my ears this afternoon wasn't actually triffids. Well, I couldn't see any from the window anyway...I didn't go down to the garden to check! Mind you, I haven't seen any animals or humans out there since...

For Coast bringing such lovely shots of the....um...coast! Even if a particular story doesn't float your boat or get your rocks off (sorry, couldn't resist!), there's always an old photo or an aerial shot to delight...

For a great Spanish film I caught on iplayer called the Secret in Their Eyes

For getting more household and pre-holiday chores done without too many resulting aches and pains. Bed linen changed, food defying the five day rule removed from the floor, that kind of thing! And that when I lifted the little case and backpack off the floor to vacuum they didn't seem too unmanageably weighty. Nearly finished now which is good as I'm quite worn out, fit for nothing much more than a holiday now I think!

On top of it

More sunshine again today, woohoo! Yesterday the breeze whipped the surface of the estuary into countless tiny ripples and the sunlight made all of them glitter...I gave thanks for surviving the onslaught of unchained children on the trains and in the city centre and gratitude too for my expertise at being scantily clad. What? Wearing the right kind of clothes so you don't have to take them off and change into a gown for a scan...what did you think I meant?

Today, it's washing drying at the window weather...the sounds of strimmers in the gardens, the silent sweep of yachts in the bay...probably a bit nippy to be out still but I've been indoors anyway mostly resting up, packing up and cleaning up! I'm getting on top of it...a little ways to go...

I give thanks for Parents Shouldn't Text for making me laugh out loud...

For an interesting documentary about cops and their colleagues dealing with a double murder investigation. Real UK cops, mortuary and judiciary staff discussing their work - fascinating! And for realising there's a new Swedish cop drama starting tonight. Always worth a try, a bit of Nordic Noir... if you're that way inclined of course! I'm that way inclined and have just booked myself a ticket for a talk about crime and pathology in fact and fiction that's part of the literary festival in Scarborough while I'm away...

For this well balanced magpie perched on top of a tiny twig for an astonishingly long while this morning...

And for John emailing to ask which of two delicious meals I'd like for dinner on Monday night. Yum yum! It's been a couple of weeks since I had any social contact...I hope I can remember what to do! Luckily John and Jo have known me long enough to know I've never really had any idea anyhow...

Lost and found

Into the city for a hospital appointment today. Sometimes I forget to be grateful for having to do this on my own. But you know I could have someone with me who was fussy or grudging, who made me feel helpless or didn't listen.  And if you've no one to talk to they can never say anything wrong! Things could be so much very worse than they are, and I give great thanks that they're not... In particular that I'm not a fan of medical melodramatics - a pretty pointless pastime when there's just a cast of one!

I'm grateful that I found a bit of appetite last night, a bit of simple food and the energy to prepare it...and to wash up afterwards!

After that I watched a programme about 'Hidden Killers in the Victorian Home' and how even after their dangerous effects were suspected, or even known, it still took many years to ban them...in the UK at least! I was grateful the presenter raised the open question at the end of what similar circumstances there may be now...

I'm grateful those anemones I bought over a week ago now are still beamingly blooming in two little vases, brightening up my kitchen and living room. And that I booked a cab to take me to the station as I want to save my creaky knees for a spot of spoonful of sugar shopping before the serious stuff today...

Moistly OK

After my last post I was grateful that I got the washing up done including scrubbing the bowl afterwards, cleaning the water filter jug and changing the cartridge. There was a pretty little sunset going on so it was pleasant to be by the kitchen window! I could sleep for England just now (at the highest international level!) so I'm grateful that by means of two day naps and an early night I've managed to get up in time to do a bundle of things that had to be done before I go out today...for one thing finding some clothes to wear so I could get various parts of me out for various procedures to be done without walking around in my underwear!

Well I wrote that paragraph before I went out...And I give great thanks to be home again! I'm grateful my urostomy related mishap happened after I'd been to have my hair cut...it really would have felt awkward in there for although the girl attending to me was kind enough to not only bring me coffee but deal with the fiddly milk on my behalf any other infirmities might have been too much for her to face... I gave thanks when Rachel gave me a biscuit to make up for spending my 'lunch break' in a chilly disabled loo trying to sort myself out. I'm grateful I have a RADAR key to use aformentioned commodious facilities and have an acupuncturist who is unfazed by me turning up damp in the middle region and sometimes around the eyes...

And I was particularly grateful for a letter waiting when I got home telling me I have renal anemia again and need to come and have some more intravenous iron...I feel much better about feeling so feeble now that I know why! Also that the appointment is the week after next so I don't have to miss it or my trip away...

Right... and now I'm grateful for hot water running into a bath and bubbling in the kettle for a soothing cup of tea and the washing machine waiting to do its bit to restore OK-ness too...

Baggage handling

You know the old tip about packing for a trip...put everything you think you'll need together and then leave half of it behind? Well, the standard advice for travelling with an ostomy is...put everything you think you might need together and double it! You can't just pop into a store and buy extra surgical supplies so it makes sense being over cautious there...but you also have to plan for possible daytime wardrobe malfunctions and take a wardrobe full of clothes...and night time ones and take various kinds of bed protection...

If you have problems with your lower limbs and joints you're not going to be able to carry all this in a rucksack...if it's your arms and hands that are the problem then a suitcase on wheels is not ideal as there's always the bit where you have to get it up and down some steps (like to the front door and back if you live in an upstairs flat!) and of course, you have to avoid lifting heavy weights to cause or exacerbate a hernia!

If you suffer from all of the above but lack the personal charm or financial wherewithal to provide yourself with a porter/chauffeur you might, at this point, feel like tearing your hair out...though if you've recently rocovered from alopecia you'll probably quickly desist from that. If you have a blog you can write about it and people can think you are plucky and droll, and indeed you might be...but you still have to handle the bleeping baggage...

Anyway...I give thanks that I'm plucky and droll! And that, after Rachel persuading me I really WAS worth it, I decided to spend what seemed to me to be an absurd amount of money on the prettiest backpack I had ever seen in my life to see if this would supplement my little manageable wheelie case and assist matters both psychologically and physically... I have bigger ones and smaller ones but this is the one for Goldilocks just now...it has numerous pockets of various sizes...including an inner one for a laptop...padded straps and waterproof bottom...sounds just right for a madwoman, eh? It doesn't have those squeezy clippy things that hurt my thumbs and trap my fingers...just zips. And as the metal pulls on those are fiddly small for me I decided to do the fiddling now rather than in transit and have made some little fabric tags out of some ribbon that's been hanging about for years like the Chumba sock avoiding my frequent recycling/charity shop donations by jumping out of collection bags and hiding elsewhere... It kind of matches the waterproof bottom which pleases me greatly!

I'm grateful I've also handwashed my handmade jumper and it has survived and is drying nicely...but my body is now protesting so much I think I'm going to have to have a little lie down before I make my tea... I shall be quite grateful when I do!

Much thanks for kind comments also...again! Especially nice to hear from Juanita...I'd been wondering how you were!

Unfriendliness

Someone unfriended me on Facebook again. Someone I used to work with and that I thought of as, well, a friend...someone with whom there was some amiable virtual interaction anyhow.  I've been trying to think about what to be grateful for in that situation...

Well, for one thing Facebook makes it so easy to get people out of your face! I've been 'unfriended' by many people in real life and, no matter how keen they may have been to get the deed over with and move away from me, the actual telling may well have been an uncomfortable situation for them - especially the close relatives and the ones who were 'more than just friends', and those with connections not easily unentangled like business partners and bosses... I give thanks that most people who want less of me now are only or mainly on line contacts and can save their awkward feelings and just click me away.

Then there was the fact that I was rather hurt by it. This seems to suggest seems I value people, that I haven't become numbed and toughened by other rejections. I'm grateful for that... also that I don't think I deserved it and still have self esteem. I've been informed many times that I'm 'bad' at some aspect of being a human being or other and remain mystified as to how exactly other human beings can be so sure they are 'good' enough to judge!

I also give thanks for people who commented kindly about my blog. I wasn't fishing for compliments...I do genuinely wonder what relationship the musings of such a strange disconnected life as mine can have to those who have relationships with people who are actually in the same room as them without being paid to be there...such as shop keepers, medical staff and cab drivers!

Gratitude for this interesting read about the new words and usages that new technology brings...and how we react to them... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21956748

And for a trip to the great outdoors where, as you can see, the sea was being a bit too friendly to the southerly seating area at Eastcliff... I went to one of my favourite sun spots where a sun warmed wall kept the wind from my back. I'm grateful I didn't have to share it with anyone as it's only big enough for one!

Fooling around

I'm grateful for getting through a tricky few days. Sometimes I wonder why I'm here...relentlessly blogging away...what good does it do to share these little gratitudes when so many have so much of more significance in their lives? Why would you want to read about me looking out of the window when you've had a day out, or watching TV when you're enjoying an evening with friends, or about loving having warm water surround me in a bath when you can have a loved one's warm arms?

This paragraph doesn't have a witty or wise answer to the question in the one above I'm afraid. I give thanks for doing it though, and that the cumulative practice does enhance ones faculty for acceptance and appreciation, if not amazement or amusement every time. I think it does enhance my own sense of wellbeing when lack of health, wealth and hugs diminish it and if it even occasionally and a little bit improves anyone else's then that is a bonus indeed.

I was grateful there was no one around to play any practical jokes on me today...but enjoyed some jolly internet japes like a mail order company emailing me with an offer of 00% off...and this list from the BBC of things that sounded like ruses but which were real news stories (allegedly!)
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21993582

I give thanks for the sight of the huge waves on the sea...from inside the cosiness of my flat. For watching how the various birds outside cope with the wind...the wood pigeons picnicing on the lawns where it's more sheltered, the magpies making quick, if slightly off course, sprints from one place to another...while the seagulls simply soar. For re-recording and watching the original Dragon Tattoo film which I'd accidentally wiped before I got round to viewing a few months ago. I'd seen the sequels, and read the books, but only caught the Daniel Craig version before and though he makes me sigh it's not the same sort of sigh that other women (and men) seem to do so, so this was worth waiting for!

I also caught a rather enjoyable old CSI I hadn't actually seen before...with Grissom whole team and all their follicles intact! Which reminds me to give thanks for finding two pretty scrunchies on sale at 89p the pair. If you think that's about the price then you're either new to my blog or have some memory issues. Hi, how are you doing today?