Bin there

If you read my last couple of posts you might have the impression that the neighbourhood's not especially over abundant with neighbourliness so I hope you'll be as grateful as I was in discovering some thoughtful soul put all the wheelie bins the right way round after the chaps from the cart (who have taken years to be persuaded to put them in a row rather than leave them scattered all over the car park), yet again placed them backwards so they're difficult to open. Plus, a visitor parking a bike outside a nearby flat for an afternoon's (let's call it) socialising, asked if it was going to be in my way and said to bang on the door and shout a few expletives if it needed moving. Those were his exact words: 'shout a few expletives'. That's one gratitude for polite consideration, and another for wording it so delightfully and without shouting any expletives at all!

I give thanks for more forms filled and phone calls made, emails at least partly written. For drinking more free cuppas at Waitrose on the way home from the library with some of the natterers...no wonder their prices are high...

I give thanks for the very particular sound of the Centre Court crowd cheering on Mr Murray when he's winning. I was wondering if I'm imagining that it's unique, but have decided yes, it is... in my lifetime anyway. Oh, and how grateful am I to have heard it from just outside on the loudest day ever!

No arm in it

Late yesterday afternoon I was grateful for a little meditate and nap that set me up for the next round of Errol Flynning: Stay back - you marauding hoard of escaped cupboard contents! Unhand the empty ink cartridge - you intransigent printer! Take that - you rebel laptop, you shall download fresh drivers so I can scan that important document! Wait, what important document? Haha, think you can escape from me? I shall track you down and capture you and release my tea from the pit of fire while I do! It might not sound like sword fighting to you but it feels like it to me sometimes and felt as if I'd used as many muscles and joints by the time I climbed into bed, earplugged to the hilt, and windows tightly jammed against the sound of the howling hound next door and the cross man upstairs shouting about it. I was very grateful I could wriggle around and grumble and groan without disturbing anyone else...

Pain and illness can be a great leveller. There's people with plenty of material and emotional comfort and support in their lives, who have easy access to transport and treatment, money and love on one level...and then there's the rest of us! No matter how much easier it might be if you have a back up team I figure physically in the long run it doesn't make that much difference - we're all going to die and most of us will get sick along the way. But if you're used to getting your own way it must be a lot harder having to face the fact that there's some stuff you can't buy, or be graciously given, or bully or influence your way out of. I always remember hearing one family in hospital ranting that no one could tell them when a hospice bed would be free for their dad, clearly not grasping that some other loved ones (we hope) were currently clustering round it willing the occupant to live a bit longer. Anyway, someone's always been grateful when I've been on a ward with no visitors because they can come and ask if they can borrow my bedside chair! I give thanks for a great couple of programmes with Billy Connolly called the Big Send Off, looking at what we think is important at and after the end of life. Loved when he was looking at a mortician's materials stand at an industry fair and wondered if the shampoo was for 'dry, lifeless hair'! 

I give thanks for getting more chores done, getting a nap even though there's been a lot more audible crabbiness around again today and for idly wondering if I could remember what people said before the gerund of fornication featured quite so frequently in speech. 
For a Columbo I haven't seen before just when I really needed a Columbo couple of hours...for someone thinking of something to do in Blaenau apart from watch wet slate 
http://twistedsifter.com/2014/06/bounce-below-worlds-largest-underground-trampoline/ 
and for coaxing and cajoling my fingers, thumbs and wrists into a few more rows. Still a long way to go but less than there was yesterday...And yes, it does match the rug (again!)

Pretty mixed

I give extra thanks that I didn't go to the concert last night because I've just realised it's next week - duh! This means I have a second chance to attend, and also can experience the state of mistake which I don't get nearly enough of and I hope will make me more understanding of people who do! I thought that...and then got another when I spotted a (deal breaking, large amount of unpicking essential) error in my knitting that I'd not noticed before as it was in the curled up bit at the beginning of a piece. I'd hoped to feel I was really on the way with this jumper now, maybe even feel that it will be ready for my trip away but I'm grateful I'm not Greg Wallace - it won't be a disaster if it's not finished in time! There is so much to do and so little energy to move from one spinning plate to another in time, as I try to keep my wagon rolling along despite all the wheels coming off and only a headless chicken pushing... Am I mixing my metaphors here? I give thanks that the bits I've done are pretty...even if they'd be pretty chilly on their own!

I give thanks for everyone doing nice things with nice people this weekend. I'm still in grateful shock that someone nice asked me to do something nice with them last weekend, but happy just to be plodding on with stuff at home alone as usual this one. I'm grateful to me for getting a little more of the paperwork and form filling done, to me for making me pancakes, and to me for washing up! And for a thunderstorm while this was going on - very exciting plus it shut the pigeons up which made my neighbour who shouts at them shut up too! Poor chap, he gets so cross and frustrated - I once left a pair of earplugs outside his door to see if this might help but I guess he hasn't worked out how to smoke them yet...

I give thanks for seeing images of the AELTC and remembering with fondness being there...likewise Worthy Farm and all those happy trippy drippy campers! I give thanks for thinking to listen to commentary on headphones on the net while watching the match play on my TV so as to drown out the feral children and howling dog next door whilst not having the volume so loud as to annoy everyone else...shame the TV's a game or so ahead so they don't actually sync up!

Not making waves

I worked with someone once who was very scathing about a book by the Dalai Lama she said dealt with personality conflicts between monks. 'What's that got to do with me?' she said...and well, I reckon, quite a lot because if you're living a life devoted to acceptance and compassion and still people are peeing you off, any methods for approaching the situation that aren't to do with imposing your will or getting in a strop have got to be top level strategies! I am a natural redhead so I've already had to learn how to control a fiery temper, but I've a prodigious memory and a fine vocabulary which can be wielded as a weapon as well and, after several hours contemplating how NOT to use it, I've been grateful today to meet others trying to find ways to make the world more peaceful and less confrontational place. There's always going to be folk who leave you dumbfounded with their self obsession, mean spiritedness, rudeness or unkindness and you have to feel sorry for them for either not noticing they're doing it or noticing and carrying right on...

I give thanks for much friendliness about the town today - cab drivers, cafe owners, hairdressers, shop staff (in and out of their shops), neighbours on seaside seats, and some of the ladies who knit and natter meeting for a wool free, free hot drink at the local supermarket. I give thanks for stopping to pick up litter dropped in the square, and for all the crabby people I can hear round here this evening just making me chuckle (and feel sorry for them too, of course!)

I give thanks for all the glorious versions of grey in the sea and sky this afternoon...and sittting in the sunshine to see them! For someone telling me he was making an effort to talk about himself less...isn't that lovely? For pretty bracelets being made for me by those with more nimble fingers (or nibble, as Jan's phone called them!)... For accepting I'm too tired to go to the choir performance later, much as I'd like to and much as they've told me they love to see me beaming at them as they sing... For a lift up the hill and Mr Waitrose making tea tonight...

Making waves

Mmm, I give thanks for being out in the wind and (at times) quite torrential rain. What a treat...no, seriously, it was for me, and I was grateful there were so few folk around and I could laugh aloud and sing in it...though I didn't quite manage any dancing! I give thanks that the trusty Eastcliffers were open just in case any hardy souls came by, still good natured and welcoming, though until the sea wall walk is mended there's not much 'by' to go to and they must rely on wave watchers on stormy days.

There were chores that had to be done in town, and I'm grateful I got most of them done. I also went to a gift shop where they sometimes have beads as the bracelets I wear all summer are in need of re-stringing and maybe a revamp, and the person who keeps saying they'll help with this is always otherwise engaged so, although I'm fairly sure it's going to be fairly impossible to do myself, I want to have a go... The lady in the shop turned out to have crates full of the kinds I love and to love putting colours and shapes and textures together as much as I do. She has invited me back for a creative play to see what I can make/she can make for me. I'm very grateful!

I give thanks to Mr Tesco for making lunch, and for getting stuck into some life admin arranging an appointment regarding a legal matter, and chasing some paperwork about a medical one, fitting in a few rows of knitting while watching a few games of tennis and then not surprisingly, falling asleep for a few hours too for which my body was most grateful...

I give thanks to people whose names begin with L and A for thoughtful messages without any updates on their own problems, and for everyone else who's given me opportunities for practising long distance compassion... There were some chums I was looking forward to seeing this week, but in a way I've been grateful it didn't work out this way as I might not have been very good at giving my full attention, listening and asking the questions they want me to so that they can say the thing they want to say next...it can be hard indeed to be a good friend when you're a friend in need. (NB. If anyone whose name begins with P wants to update me on any of their problems, I'll do my best to be one because I've asked a couple of times now and am beginning to worry about you!)

I give thanks for my curly whirly Big Yellow Taxi hair...

What could be better?

I give thanks to the poor receptionist at the surgery who rang me today with a voice that suggested she'd been told to wear a black cloth on her head. She probably thought my renal function is affecting my brain when I responded to the news that it 'wasn't any better' with great delight...no better is much better than worse, you see!

I cannot begin to express the horror with which I face the prospect of dialysis. Or rather I could begin...but would like to stop right there because if there's one thing I've learnt over the last few years is the futility of sharing your woes and fears - most people go la la I'm only pretending to listen so we can get back to talking about me, and the ones who really do pay attention and try to empathise just get sad. I'm grateful I've also learnt the less you have folk in your life who care about you the less you have to care about how much they do, how much they're suffering when you do...

Nonetheless, I'm grateful for understanding the shadowing of dread hanging over me at the moment combined with the niggling issues I like to refer to as 'background stresses' but which tend to leap into the focus on a fairly regular basis have probably contributed to a day of pretty much everything I've turned my hand to taking a very long time to get right...Much gratitude that I finally managed to find the BBC Red Button channels where they hide them on Sky (nowhere near any red buttons) to have more choice of tennis matches and to get my camera to connect to my new tablet via a little adapter from my favourite online shop.

I give thanks that I've also managed to finish some little sewing projects as a little 'finished business' is always good. It's probably no coincidence they relate to feeling extra secure but with room to move about - elastic on some ballet pumps to make them stay on my feet, and scrunchies to hold up my hair.

I'm grateful to the Cambridge Buddhist Centre for today's 'thought for the day' from Socrates: He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.

Stand and receive

I'm grateful I went to choir last night - the physical effort is easily offset by the emotional benefits. I always give thanks for the sense of being in an inclusive supportive environment. Whoever's sitting next to the retired professor in the early stages of dementia makes sure she's on the right bar, and a lady who's started coming with a crutch, a wrist splint and a music stand has inspired her neighbour with arthritic hands to bring one too...and me to pop into to the music shop in town and enquire about prices. There's so many things that make joining in hard for me but having my folder of songs held so I can use both hands if necessary to turn a page would be a help. I give thanks for singing Jenny for giving me a lift home...

This morning, exhausted, I was grateful for appointments at the doctor and dentist so I had to get up...and be out in the sunshine again. When the dentist said, as usual, of a filling repair 'We'll try without an injection,' for some reason I came over all of a wimp and said 'No, I want one please!' and I was grateful I did, as not only did it mean no pain or even discomfort but also I discovered how far dental injections have come since I last had one several years ago. The dentist no longer has to step back a pace or two to operate the plunger, the needle no longer feels as if it's coming out of your neck and the numbness is actually where you need it to be. Most impressive!

There's a lot going on in my life right now for which there's no easy treatment route available, and about which I find it hard to be grateful other than in an accepting sort of way. I am grateful for the opportunity for improving my skills of acceptance, and also on behalf of the friend I was supposed to meet tomorrow who cancelled earlier, as I might have slipped into unburdening mode and she has plenty enough burdens of her own to carry. I'm grateful of the offer of some advice about some of it from someone who knows via Ruth, bless her.  And for spotting this tiny lobelia blooming between a wall and a hard place...may I improve my skills in blooming also!

Own devices

It was only after my little mobile ran out of juice this morning that I realised my camera had been plugged into the phone charger all night and the phone was on the camera one. Neither device seemed to mind so that's less to pack when I go away in a couple of weeks! I'm grateful I managed to write that without going 'all being well' but although the ferry is booked and there's no obvious reason why I shouldn't be on it, I always try to be tentative in my assumptions...

I'm grateful to knitting Jenny for calling to say she wasn't going to the group today as she usually gives me a lift and she knows knowing in advance she won't be is helpful for planning my day and energy allocation. I'm grateful I got there eventually and not too late for the tea tray! There were only four of us and three of us were actually knitting but the gels gel better in a smaller group I find, and we had a good old natter as well...

I'm grateful walking back to the bus stop meant I had to pass the Turkish bakers, that I had enough change in my purse for lentil balls and rice stuffed vine leaves for a snacky tea...and that they had some left to sell me. 

I'm grateful for remembering a hair product I used to use (I even remember giving half a tub of it away to a curly friend when it seemed I'd not live long enough to see mine again) and finding they still make it. It's very cheap and very effective and easily available at larger Boots' stores so I was even more grateful when I realised if you order in a little one to collect there there's no charge. It's even on special offer so a double jammy bargain...

Yes and no

Envisaging how exhausting I was likely to find the air show trip I nearly said no, but it's not like I get inundated with invitations to do things I'd really like to and I figured the comfort of kindly company and private transport might balance out some of the physical stresses. There's times you really should just say 'Yes!' and I'm very grateful I did...and also very grateful I hadn't quite envisaged quite the amount of exhaustion that would follow! After taking it very easy I'd thought I might feel human again by evening but certainly not by the early part of it anyhow, so I'm also very grateful I realised I really should say say 'no' to another outing today when I found a message with another invitation when I came home last night. (That's pretty much the nearest I've ever been to inundated!) I gave thanks that that one could be rearranged for another day...

I was grateful for all the things you might imagine - for the perfect weather including quite still air above us so all the smoke effects worked well; for seeing various aircraft and especially the Red Arrows display on a big sky stage - but also for the surprisingly attractive scenery, low prices and friendly locals (when a town bills itself as somewhere you might be 'pleasantly surprised by' you tend to steel yourself for not...), for the chatty chap who stationed himself next to us finding a friend and for being bought a cake on the way home! Of course, despite my intentions not to, I still tried to capture a photo or two though some quality of the endless sparkly blue seemed to make it hard for cameras to focus on those little moving spots even before the sun was smack bang right overhead...but this encapsulates the loveliness of the day...

And this day? I've been grateful for lots and lots of rest, boiled eggs for lunch and fish fingers for tea, a bit of knitting and a Columbo!

Out back

It's a funny but sometimes the more I've enjoyed a day, the harder it is to record five gratitudes from it. For one thing it may be late when I get to do so, and often by then I may be very tired and, if there has been a lot of pleasurable sensory input, it's all milling around and hard to separate and choose and record. So for now I'm going to stick to generalities and currently specific topics and say...

I'm very grateful to be in this situation with so much appreciated

For the chance to do something so very different from routine, for plans made turning out so well and for renewing friendship

For seeing somewhere new and getting home safely. For lavender oil to soothe my skin and sleep not far away

Harbour flights

I give thanks for another cooler cloudier breezier day here. Not unpleasant in anyway for the non-weather gods but perfect for a tired one who needs to rest and restore ahead of a long day out tomorrow. I give great thanks to Gary for inviting me to accompany him to an air show neither of us has been to before in a place we don't really know, so that there is a sense of anticipation of adventure as well as the familiarity of an old(ish) friendship both with each other and what those magnificent men in their flying machines can do...and any women who might be piloting too, of course! I'm particularly grateful that after separate internet research of the area's charms and drawbacks, the lie of the land and sea, we separately both chose the same part to head for...

I give thanks for (kind of) fixing the (literal) wardrobe malfunction which was my primary task of the day having spent yesterday evening getting everything out of the heap and spreading it around everywhere else. I'd managed to reach a rather inaccessible former curtain pole which I figured I could cut to size if I took my time - say a week or ten days. No I'm not joking. And then I'd bought some fixings but it turned out they wouldn't have fitted even if I'd have been fit enough to fit them so in the end I mended the rail with stronger tape and redistributed the weight...and now I'll have to wait and see! 

I give thanks for the (temporary) feeling of achievement and organisation the above has given me. All things must fly past though...

Backstreet joys

I'm grateful a pod of dolphins have been sighted in the vicinity a few times lately...including today by me! They were leisurely lunching their way across the bay on the outgoing tide as I scanned the expanse of blue thinking 'It looks a dolphin sort of day'... I LOVE seeing cetaceans, and to do so from your own home seafront is double jammy! My gratitude for moving out of the city when I was still well is muchly magnified... I also give thanks that there are pretty much enough different sorts of ice cream available to have a different one pretty much any day you might want to eat one. Eton Mess flavour today...

I'm grateful for spotting a collection of interesting arty artefacts in a window in a quiet part of town. They remind of the work of someone I used to know in Wales. There's a couple of folk sometimes read this who will remember Tony...I wonder if they'll see what I mean.

I'm grateful to Jenny for doing some arduous cleaning jobs for me this morning, wearing a top exactly the same as one I used to have! And I'm grateful to Rachel for giving me a good acupuncture treatment and some basil tofu in exchange for money and homemade Sosmix sausage rolls this afternoon. I loved that when I said 'Guess what I just saw?' she could.

Dress down

I was grateful it was cool and grey this morning as this was exactly what I'd ordered to facilitate a long and very necessary lie in. I was grateful that it also turned sunny at two which is also what I'd pre-ordered so that I could get a cab to the river beach before the shops and enjoy a cup of tea with the sun on my back. I give thanks for bonding so well with a pigeon down there that a passing child remarked to his parents 'That might be her pet'!

Apart from essential chores mostly today I've worked on the gathery pleats on my new top which required a lot of the sort of of picky, pinchy, pointy manual skills I really don't have any more so was an excellent exercise in overcoming physical adversity and being very patient! (It always mystifies me why, when a medical person wants to test your grip, they ask you to squeeze their fingers. We do this reflexively as babies, but in later life we hardly ever do any kind of grasping or holding quite like that, do we?)

Anyway, so I'm very grateful that this is finally done and that it fits and fits the remit - to expose plenty of skin but not too much flesh, baggage, bulges or bra straps! I also gave thanks that focusing on finishing this task saved me from having to tackle the latest 'breakdown' - a collapsed clothing rail which is what I use(d) instead of a wardrobe. It's already broken once before and for a year of so has been held together with optimism and masking tape. I'm grateful I've plenty more masking tape but I'm not optimistic it'll do the job again...

Zap and the art of fridge maintenance

Yay, I mended the fridge freezer! So many bits of kit about the place are showing their age and infirmity when it started ejecting considerable quantities of water I thought it was falling apart too, but it turns out to be just a blocked drainage duct. Overriding my healthy reticence regarding poking about in fridge workings and resourcefully creating a tool for the job were reasons to be grateful in themselves but now it's not dripping I am very pleased indeed...

I give thanks that I managed to 'win' a new Sony Walkman on ebay for a reasonable price. I could have managed with the damaged one still only playing Imee Ooi music but now it only does it in Zap mode so you just get a few seconds of each track which is considerably less restful and uplifting I find... Buying one on ebay also means I don't have to travel on a bus to get one from Argos without the aural insulation and distracting soundtrack that is sometimes required, so I'm grateful for that too. 

I'm grateful the sun came out this afternoon for the sake of those who went out in it, and I'm grateful I resisted temptation to join them. After a day of not doing very much at all energetic, I'm giving thanks for feeling a lot better this evening. I've done a little sewing...and a great deal of thinking about sewing as I'm making something I've not done before so have to consider my every move whether with scissors or pins or thread. I'm grateful it seems to be going according to plan so far. Oh, and for some yummy homemade blueberry buns for breakfast...

Though not a football fan I also give thanks for spotting this excellent idea I spotted earlier today. Collective effervescence from the comfort of your own sofa - top scorer for me!
http://twistedsifter.com/2014/06/berlin-stadium-turned-into-giant-living-room/

Zen and the art of bus maintenance

There are people who use endurance of discomfort to master their minds - army recruits, Vipassana retreatants etc. I give thanks I can do much of my training in the comfort of my home without pre dawn rising or shaving my head! Today I went for a brief hip and knee pain top up session, so of course I was delighted when it turned out to be longer and more testing than I thought, with the intense practice provided by extra walking and a long wait standing up at a bus stop. I'm not really being sarky...what do you ever learn from things being easy eh?

I'm grateful to all the friendly and helpful Tesco staff who persistently but politely gave me incorrect information about an exchange order which contributed to the situation. One of them even offered to drive me to the other store they were so sure I had to go to after I explained I really had not enough energy left and really wasn't entirely sure I should. That was kind and made that bit was easier, though for once I wasn't grateful to be right when I found out they were wrong and I could have done it all in the first place and been home again much quicker.

I give thanks that the bus did eventually come, and that there was room for a little one among the larger and louder hoards who'd been to the races, and that there was even a moment of pure pointless joy as it sidled tightly past another going the opposite way on a narrow stretch of road and a woman a few feet away on the other top deck also spontaneously burst into a smile and waved. I give thanks for seeing ducks and rabbits and tractors in the fields, and swifts swooping above them. Oh, and I was extra extra grateful when after our bus broke down at the bottom of the final hill, it worked again after a rest. I know the feeling...I'm going to get tea now!

Clickity click

It would be nice if that were the sound of my knitting needles, but actually it's the bones in my wrist when I crochet! I'm used to a little symphony of crunching and grating from various joints but this is new and I actually thought it was knitting needles at first as I was crocheting at one end of a piece that had a circular needle on the other. I give thanks for the comforting squeeze of a new elastic bandage.

I give thanks for all the non-news content on the BBC website. I have an aversion to the normal fodder - the spin and the spiraling engendering of fear and hate, but if you get past those there are some fascinating articles on all manner of subjects. Thus I discovered landreader.com - a collaborative project compiling a glossary of terms for British landscape features and photographing examples. Etymology, participation and beautiful images of countryside...oh, multiple gratitudes for me there! Plus the chap doing it uses the word liminal on his website - a word I first encountered in the first year of a Social Anthropology degree but which struck me as woefully underused beyond the academic world being both pronounceable and pithy.

I give thanks to Andrew Castle for being grateful to comments on social media so we can both pass on the description of the Queen's final as being 'one for the girls' without political incorrectness or assumptions it's our own opinion of the players' looks and charm! I had it down as possibly a good match and it was, one of the best finals I've seen outside of a Grand Slam - at times even causing me at times to put the knitting and crochet down too, for which my body was very grateful.

I give thanks to Bob for sending me this. I was really puzzled when I first saw the link, you may be too...persevere!
http://gralienreport.com/ancient-mysteries-2/man-solved-roman-dodecahedron-mystery/

Benefit match

Yay, I give thanks for the World Cup! I'm not normally interested in international football but it led to a fascinating series of BBC documentaries about favela life in Rio so, even though I'm still not bothered about the matches and results, there's been something in it for me. I'm always grateful for the opportunity to find out more about those who are marginalised or tend to be spoken of en masse rather than as real, individual human beings not so very different than ourselves...oh, and for the chance to fool my readers into thinking I'm saying something else. Like to make sure you're actually listening!

I give thanks for the sky clouding over today as, though technically warm weather might be kinder to some of my aches and pains, too many sunny days in a row mean I'm likely to use my joints and muscles more than they prefer in order to be outside as much as the rest of me does. This is definitely the case today and I'm grateful for my warped sense of humour which means I find it quite amusing to be performing in quite such slow motion, and with such pitiful sound effects!

I'm grateful there's no one depending on me, nor expecting anything of me, but that I've managed to do what needs to be done a little at a time, having a bit of a tidy up and cobbling together some food. I give thanks I'm not often directly dependent on others much either...though taxi drivers and the Tesco delivery team do make my life a lot easier and I'm very grateful for them. I give thanks that, a well as helping myself this week, I've managed to be helpful to folk I've encountered a few times too - lending or giving things, sharing what I have. Few things make you feel more fortunate than having something to give away, and someone to benefit from it.

Not on the high street

I give thanks for the marvelous moon last night and the splendid sun today. It's a pretty pointless human trait to make qualitative judgments about things that remain unmoved by our opinion (including the weather, the seasons, traffic jams and pain) but if you try to be neutral or find something positive to say you are moving towards more of your own wellbeing which has got to be good for everyone else as well. Well, that's how I see it anyway...and the sunshine got me moving towards somewhere else instead of staying home and being neutral about pain so I'm extra grateful for that. Even the traffic jams meant a longer sit down when I finally got on the bus!

I give thanks for a boat trip across the blue of the bay. For going to a shop where they sometimes have clothes I like the look of, and the price, and the fit and can get in and out of easily to find out. This time I found a dress which was perfect apart from being slightly baggy under the arms but which was constructed in such a way that this could be easily and neatly remedied - something strangely shaped seamstresses will know is as rare as finding a garment that doesn't need altering.

I give thanks for having a yen for something goats' cheese and chutneyish for lunch, finding nowhere in easy walking distance where it was served and finally plumping for a quiet but welcoming looking place just off the main drag where there were some other things to my taste like hummous available. After the owner had apologised to me for being on the phone when I came in, I apologised to her for still not making up my mind and explained I'd had an unrealistic food fantasy for a fishing port. When she heard what it was she rustled up that very thing on a small home made seeded panini with some leaves and balsamic on the side. Very grateful indeed...

I give thanks for this heartwarming tale of youth (don't be fooled by the headline)
https://uk.finance.yahoo.com/news/canada-14-olds-hack-atm-using-default-password-172605868.html

It's complicated!

I give thanks for turning on my phone to write my blog instead of on my laptop for a change wandering off as it loaded up and then straight away a call coming in, which I happened to spot as from across the room because the sound was off at the time. The caller was grateful too as she hadn't known which number to ring, and would have tried the other one with the sound off that was out of sight too if she hadn't got through.

I give thanks for the warm and summery weather. Most weather delights me but this is the sort I find most physically comfortable, and little knots inside me untangle into smiles. I'm so grateful I don't live with a sun hater as though I try to be compassionate about other people's woes when what makes them woeful makes me joyful it can get rather complicated.

I give thanks for having what seems to be some unquestionably good news about something earlier. The wariness is due to it following news on the same topic that was definitely bad, and being in the midst of times when there's no news, or no news you want to hear, or apparently good news that turns out not to be, on all manner of matters that matter to me. I'm grateful for all the opportunities for growing and learning and going with the flow, but I'm still rather attached to hearing things that simply make you think 'Oh brilliant!' and stay that way...

I give thanks for catching a little bit of tennis, watching a stunning wildcard win. Always enjoy seeing an underdog do well, and if they happen to have anything alternative and unusual about them even more so. Dreads and jewelry whilst not being called Miss or Williams is about as good as it can be!

Just peachy

I've been grateful for a rather quiet and inactive end to the day after the busy times preceding, and for some tennis matches starting just as I sat down (which has happened a lot the last couple of weeks and may indicate I'm sitting down too often!). I give thanks that when one of them ended prematurely a little spare time was filled by showing the last game of last year's men's single final at Wimbledon, so that I could relive its twists and turns, thrills and spills and the wonder of being there that day.

I was very grateful for Beth arriving unexpectedly at a time when I really felt in need of some companionable company, to cook for and to cook for me, to treat one another and to listen. It's unusual for me to have someone to air cares and concerns to, and someone who actually pays attention when I do is very rare indeed! Understanding other people see themselves as centres of universes in which you are merely peripheral can be a helpful concept to be aware of, if rather challenging when you're challenged. I'm grateful when I remember to try to do it myself, and also when I remember if others don't, one should be compassionate not cross.

I give thanks for the memory of these beautiful blooms tossing in the breeze yesterday, and for the gift of a peach!

Out on the winding

I give thanks for the many hopeful travellings and happy arrivings of the last twenty four hours' journeys starting with Beth meeting me after choir for a stroll by the evening blue sea and sky, and finding exactly the kind of glass I was looking for, used but unbroken, randomly on the pavement on the way home...right down to exactly what I ordered for dessert in the restaurant I've wanted to go to for years this evening - even before I saw it was on the menu!

Especial gratitude for having my breakfast cooked for me this morning, and the chance to go up on the moor this afternoon, where I've not been in daylight since last spring and was delighted to visit and share some favourite scenic spots...including this one where she could be a rock chick, and where there appeared to be a few there very late and strangely placed bluebells waiting for our appreciation. You're probably thinking 'Bluebells? Are you sure?' Well, we were puzzled too but they sure did look like them and what else do you know that might grow on a windy moor that does?

I give thanks for being very tried, and for having had too much to be grateful for too record any more of it for now...

Dog tired

I'm grateful the physical discomfort keeping me awake last night gave me more time to consider some of those tough decisions coming up. Sometimes I think...
though on the whole I prefer not to! But as that clear minded meditative state was elusive it was OK to keep turning things over in my head trying to get comfortable with them, just as I kept trying to rearrange my body. I was a bit like this in the morning...

http://twistedsifter.com/videos/not-a-morning-person-meet-your-spirit-animal/

...and very grateful my mail collect service seems at last to be working so that the post was safe while I lolled about not nearly so cutely!

I was grateful when the rather short to do list I'd created for myself today had space in it (originally earmarked for rest) where some of the unforeseen circumstances could land, but that I still could squeeze in the rest of the rest.

I give thanks for making it to Knit and Natter, where there was not a lot of either going on but quite a lot of quite deep discussion and sharing instead. I joined for group stitchery but it's more like group therapy sometimes...goodness knows what the other library users must think if they overhear.

I give thanks for the special treat of being made a cup of tea and for Jenny kindly giving me a lift home afterwards. I'm grateful I've said I'll go to choir later as well as it's so easy not to do stuff when, no matter how much you enjoy the activity or the outcome, it all seems such hard work. If it's all going to seem such hard work, activities or outcomes I enjoy are something to be grateful for indeed.

Appreciating acceptance

I give thanks for a thoughtful and grateful anonymous comment on the post before last. It made me realise how rarely I am thanked or hear any appreciation from anyone, though to be fair there's not many times I warrant it, I'm sure. I'm grateful I remember to appreciate and thank myself, and that I rarely have to decipher false compliments or point scoring praise - something the appreciation poor can struggle with. Boy, are we suckers for a bit of flattery!

I give thanks for finding some inner peace and acceptance here and there, though it's been a bit 'reasons to be tearful' in my head the last couple of days which can leach away my own appreciation. I was grateful to see far stronger folk than I shedding tears of emotion today, in the gracious winning and losing at Roland Garros. Also for a documentary about mods and rockers with vintage photos and footage, and the chance to find out what some of them were like grown up!

I give thanks for a beautiful sunny evening here, and for the thought of going out to appreciate it better...before merely considering logistics proved too tiring to take on.

I'm grateful for Ryland's family for sharing their story so full of love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAHCqnux2fk

And for these images that made me remember how very fortunate I have been in life
http://www.theguardian.com/society/gallery/2014/jun/05/portraits-of-people-living-on-a-dollar-a-day-in-pictures

5 4 3

I give thanks to Ann for the title of this post. I've never met her but she exchanges a sentence or two with me sometimes, which is more than can be said for most of the folk I have! This isn't a complaint - after a very demanding couple of weeks physically, mentally and emotionally I've been thinking it's good that I'm on my own because if someone was around I'd be sure to want to talk to them about at least some of it at some length, and people would rather focus on their own stuff usually I find. I'm grateful I made a special resolution this morning not to let pain or stress or frustration make me any more selfish than I am already, and I hope the various call centre and office staff I've had to deal with were grateful too!

I'm grateful for all the things that woke me up in the night since clearly this means I must have been sleeping soundly in between. There was a rowdy group of women screeching up the hill in the wee small hours, a cracking thunderstorm with lots of rain and then the morning crow chorus - not my favourite avian sound I have to admit - but the pigeons and corvids we have nesting this year make a change from the usual raucous gulls.

Oh, and I'm grateful the Nigella awesome flower patch down the lane is coming into bloom again. And for the Rosejam. No, sadly not a gridlock of florist's vans bringing me pick-me-up bouquets, but the bubble bath melt I bought from Lush yesterday. I'm trying to make it last, though I'll have to keep using it to do proper research into its durability I guess (sigh!).

I'm also cautiously grateful that some things that weren't working a few days ago seem to be so now after hard graft, persevering patience. Well they were last time I checked anyhow and I don't intend to put their durability to the test again today...

My treat

I'm grateful for all the times lately I've heard folk say to their companions in cafes 'My treat'. Isn't it lovely that people treat people? I'm grateful for seeing a rather classy looking new patisserie today where I would love to treat someone should I ever get the opportunity. Form an orderly queue, or I could just gaze at the concoctions  in the window again!

I'm grateful my bus was on time this morning, and that I remembered to get a photo of the poppies as the man was spraying them today and they won't look so pretty before long. I'm grateful that at last I got to see the renal consultant again...and that she listened to me. I'm so used to people paying scant attention to anything I say, and was steeled for this being the case today, so it felt rather like a treat even though neither of us had good news for the other. I'm grateful I've lots of practice at being in situations I'd really rather not be, including being in them on my own when I'd rather not be as well. I'm grateful I still have myself to talk through difficulties and problems with - never busy, disinterested or indifferent, aware of all the angles and usually kind and wise.

I'm grateful I made it to Lush afterwards and bought myself something to wallow in other than self pity...And for a brilliant busker filling the street with beautiful sounds. 

I'm grateful I've found a minimum of five things to be grateful for every day for three whole years!

Fine Finnish

I give thanks for the finish on the bottom of this skirt which would look good even if blown up by a gust of wind.

I give thanks for being out in gusts of wind - and sunshine - this afternoon and that I had an appointment so had to go, otherwise staying and dozing with TV and knitting might have been done instead..

I give thanks for the lushness of the hedgerows and gardens just now...and for living somewhere where there's so many about.

I give thanks for the magic world of post acupuncture including coming out of the building afterwards and feeling I should go to a certain place though I wouldn't know why til I got there...and when I got there finding a friend and her friend and joining them for a cuppa and cake in the sun.

I give thanks for a fascinating book I've found about the ways of folk from Finland. What...seriously? You thought it was a mistake? Mwahahaha...

Fixation

There's a lot of things I cannot fix...and a lot of people supposedly fixing things on my behalf I cannot change in anyway either! So today, wallowing a little in the quagmire of all this, I was really grateful to discover I had both the skills and the materials to fix a crochet hook with a soft grip handle and sharp snag at the join where it met the shaft that was (funnily enough) snagging. I had some special tape left over from when I used to have to fix my own surgical appliances so I'm grateful I don't have to do that any more as well. In fact some of the situations I'm in now remind me of when I was being mistreated for cancer and reliably misinformed about what to do to make it stop, so I've been giving thanks no matter how trying the stuff I'm trying to deal with at the moment it's not matters of life and death.

On the other hand I'm grateful that my experiences over the last few years have taught (are continuing to teach) me not to be so fixated on trying to fix any part of my little life or path to death. We all tend to live as if we're Celebrities who should be Got Out of Here exactly when and how we choose and no jungle nasties on the way, neither for ourselves nor our nearest and dearest, thank you very much. It's all 'jungle nasties should be reserved for some other person, time or place, some other family, race or religion, another political party or sexual persuasion perhaps', and Someone Should do Something About it and 'like if you agree' and so on, forgetting we are no more significant than the ants that crawl or drops of rain that fall on the forest floor. All we can do is try to care more and care less in appropriate places and I'm grateful for all the times I'm reminded of this...

I also give thanks for the following - worth a look even if you think you don't like Banksy or Lego or flowers!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/robynwilder/banksy-lego

http://www.boredpanda.com/flowers-look-like-animals-people-monkeys-orchids-pareidolia/

The row is long...

No, row, not row - so it sort of rhymes with the song! I give thanks for discovering how much easier it is to knit on circular needle if your hands don't work very well, and that some allegedly lush yarn bought from ebay is...and is safely here and very gradually growing into a garment. I'm grateful that my assessment of its actual colour and texture turned out to be pretty close to what it is, and that I like it. I'm grateful to say I've usually been fortunate in my internet purchases this way, by means of a mixture of wisdom, experience, comparing Google images, bravery and luck - and you'll have to employ the same to formulate any idea what it looks like from this photo too, I'm afraid.

After trying the rice cure, I give thanks that, although my Sony Walkman mp3 player hasn't fully survived being dropped in a loo, rinsed under a tap and blown out of my hands twice by a ferocious blast from a hand dryer to land on a marble floor, it does function a little. There's nothing showing on the screen and no way of choosing music, and it now exclusively plays Imee Ooi's soothing compositions based on Buddhist chants and mantras, presumably because that was what I was listening to before the damage occurred rather than their intrinsic specialness and personal value. But due to their intrinsic specialness and personal value I'm pretty grateful they're still there! There's all manner of listening to music nowadays, of course, but the best sound quality I've ever had you can put in your pocket still comes from a Sony Walkman...

I'm grateful for remaining largely good natured in today's dealings regarding the matter I was assured was dealt with yesterday. I enjoyed the feeling that it was resolved but clearly someone still has more to learn from the situation...maybe me! I'm grateful for getting as much rest and relaxation as possible between tackling the mental challenges and physical demands of those ever ongoing chores, including a nap, a meditate, some Shiatsu stretches and the simple rhythm of knitting...

Monday service

I woke up to that 'Monday morning feeling' and was very grateful that for most of my working life I was self employed, or had jobs I liked...or worked Saturdays and Sundays as well! I've done manual things, and mental ones, been creative quietly at home and dealt with the demands of customers face to face or on the phone, but I can honestly say the most taxing task by far must be medical retirement - it's seriously exhausting looking after yourself sometimes.

I give thanks for all the willing, loving support and assistance there is in the world, whether the recipients are unwell or not, and for the times I find something I can do for someone else even if it's just buying a Big Issue, or making someone smile. Of course I'm grateful when I pay folk money and I get some kind of service that helps me too...but today I gratefully received some free forceful pointing of feet to derriere from the CAB regarding some of the services are supposed to help that have failed to function recently. I was grateful for knowing where there's a pharmacy that dispenses tea and cake, and for timely buses and sunshine too so that, although there were ways I'd rather have spend the day's time and energy, it was as pleasant an experience as it could be in the circumstances with pretty views through the windows and tunes inside my ears.

Shorts

Heavens, is that the time? I give thanks for much slouching and ouching on the couch today. I've been grateful for it being a day of rest for many who work I have to deal with, which creates some extra rest for me...but that professional tennis players have been on the job and entertaining me!

I give thanks for clean water to drink, and for hot water for washing.  For a comfy bed to sleep in... and for when I'm comfy enough to sleep. 

I give thanks for being shown seated tai chi...and for sometimes, as today,  actually doing some.

I give thanks for technology... and for patience...

I give thanks for starting to write this earlier otherwise I might have forgotten to finish...