Out of season

I have lots of cause to be grateful for the internet and it's particularly welcome when I don't think I can stand another moment of solitariness or confinement. Last night I gave thanks for losing myself in this (literally) awesome footage...http://vimeo.com/87701971

I still woke up with a grump on thinking about all the places I'd like to go and all the people I'd like to see, so I was grateful for a day so meteorologically frabjous that I had get up and go where I could by myself. I gave thanks for the mild sunshine and for a high tide and brisk breeze making the seafront seem very oceanic and diluting my various pains...and I was particularly grateful I got to the cafe before they ran out of cake!

I give thanks for two heavy helicopters flying over like whales in the sky with parasols...

I give thanks for managing to open a non ring pull can. It's not something I have to do very often and whenever I do I remind myself I really ought to get a hand friendly opener...and then forget until the next time!

Weatherwise 'tis the season to be thoroughly confused I reckon, so I give thanks for spending a couple of pounds on some fragrant but mixed up flowers.

Funny turn

A remarkable thing happened last night - for an hour or so I felt better than I have done for weeks, if not months or years! I get these random interludes sometimes, and not only do they feel amazing physically, but they are always a mental relief as well because otherwise I get to thinking everything being incredibly hard work must be how everyone feels all of the time and I've just become pants at dealing with it. And then I remember what well is like for a little while... It didn't last, and yes that's a bit sad, but I gave a lot of thanks for the memory.

There are bits of most days when I feel better than other bits, but usually it's just a subtle gradation and those interludes pass in a blur of dealing with domestic and health care necessities with a touch more vigour and less of a sensation that I'm wading through almost set concrete to do so. Anything do with prescriptions is always wading, and I give thanks both for internet access and that I was blessed at birth with many wits so that the ones remaining about me can be put to good use negotiating the various pitfalls in getting my hands on medical supplies. Today this included randomly rising and leaning out of the kitchen window just in time to spot a delivery driver who had both failed to scan my parcel at the depot, so that I had no idea when he might arrive, and to follow the instructions on it to phone me so that I knew that he had! Much gratitude for this lucky chance interception.

Unable to wander far or wide, I've been grateful for lots of drizzle, low dark cloud and fog the last forty eight hours - just right for lolling indoors. On the other hand gratitude too for the strangely warm and sunny windows wide open afternoon today. The air was full of flying things, confused insects with spring in their wings, helicopters and light planes. I was reminded of this '3D' bookmark I bought the other day with a tree that goes through four seasons as you turn it or your head, and which I've paused between summer and autumn here. I saw a poster like this a couple of years ago and was entranced but couldn't think where to put it. so I was very grateful to find a pocket version!

Boxing clever

I set myself three targets today: 1) to get out of bed before midday (and stay out)  2) to get a load of washing done  and 3) make an attempt at making a collar for a dress that I've (not) been making for weeks. I'm grateful that I managed the first two (the first one with two minutes to spare) and that technically I also managed an attempt at the collar, though it proved far too complicated out of both practice and patterns as I am.

Unfortunately, every time I use my sewing machine nowadays I find myself wondering if I could afford a better one and I usually have to get on my hands and knees and wrestle with the table it's on too and wonder what to do about the drop leaf that's broken and will neither stay up nor down but dangles at an angle. I'm grateful for having quite a thorough investigation today and deciding it could be fixed firmly, albeit probably a bit bodgily, by someone with more brute force, skill with tools and maybe a car to pop down to the hardware store, but I never have anyone handy handy these days so I'm grateful for finding some sturdy boxes to prop it up with for now.

I give thanks for the burst of bergamot when you open a new packet of Earl Grey. I give thanks for an accidentally just right boiled egg and some toast and tasty butter. I give thanks for resisting entering a bidding war for some Sikkim Girls perfume products on eBay because they're not in a packaging form I recognise from the Lush shops here and it would be disappointing to find they didn't smell the same either!

His wonders

Sometimes I think it's a shame I usually only get to do sociable things one afternoon/evening a week... on the other hand I'm very grateful for the six and a half days recovery period in between! Despite two taxi rides, two lifts, a meal I only had to heat up and the washing up done for me after another rigorous choir practice, with David (understandably) cracking the tuning fork and metronome his wonders to perform, I was fit for nothing but groaning last night. Feeling no better this morning I was very grateful I'd booked a beautiful start to the day to go one of the last boat trips of the year, so that it seemed as if I had to get out of bed and do it however unsuitably energetic it might feel. Being on the water is one of those things I don't mind at all doing on my own, and though the destination's not actually one of my favourite places to be, sometimes the journey really is the thing.

By the time we'd crossed the big estuary in the sandbank avoiding scenic loop, I was already almost in full on zombie mode so I was grateful for a new harbourside cafe to rest in. And after that for a stagger round some very serendipitous retail outlets including the only Co-op I've found for months that still stocks the rye bread I love (and had two loaves on the shelves) and a shop I thought had closed down but which was open and selling the wool I'd told Dorothy I'd look out for as she wanted some more and didn't know where to find it.

I was grateful the weather stayed gloriously mild and sunny for the ride back as I was at footsteps just a footprint long by then. Nonetheless, I was grateful for the lack of speed as this, plus having to detour to the loo, meant I missed the bus that took a corner all wrong and smashed a window merely frinding out about it from the shaken passengers who joined me at the stop after walking back!

I was grateful that just after I got indoors a big foggy cloud descended on the town and turned everything dark and gloomy so that I wasn't disappointed all I could do for the next few hours was lie on the sofa. I gave thanks for the tiny pink flower that fell out of my hair. I've no idea where it came from...it's the wrong time of year for blossom and I've not been near any florists, gardens or bouquets though I did meet a Tibetan man earlier who was very taken with my curly golden(ish) locks. Well, I guess they would seem pretty exotic to a Tibetan!

Dropping slow

I give thanks for getting the things done I had to do before I went out today...and that there was time for a little lie down in between doing them and going!

I give thanks for some knitting and nattering with the ladies who do, and for the various ways we find to be kind and helpful to one another. I give thanks to Jenny for offering me a lift home, for remembering to turn it down as I had to go to the Post Office and, when I had to take a detour for the loo, also remembering to stop by the hoarding gallery and admire some of the work there. I love the water drops on this one - very clever!

I'm grateful that Rachel is on her way and bringing something to be part of our meal before we go to choir. I'm grateful I know she's likely to be a little later than she said and to stay calm and not eat biscuits...

Little things

I give thanks for the extra hour, for smart technology for being smart enough to change automatically... and for the clocks and watches that don't reminding us that it's been done.

Although I have complicated feelings about both remembrance and surveillance, I give thanks for the GCHQ staff creating a poppy...
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/gchq-spies-in-red-rain-ponchos-create-giant-poppy-ahead-of-remembrance-day-9815842.html

Only took an hour for them to get organised apparently...if you ask me they're studying the wrong thing, starlings know what to do, and we still don't quite know how or why. I give thanks for murmuration, and if you do too (or even if you don't!) you can record what you see in a survey so scientists can find out more.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-29599792

I think I give thanks that Joe Brown's have altered their sizing so that size 8 now fits me just right. It's good news for the charity shops that will probably now receive all the things I have that are just too big, but possibly not for my bank balance as I'd not bought anything from them for a couple of years due to the sizing thing and that their styles are often hard to alter.

I give thanks for catering for myself quite well for the last couple of days so that today I've been able to live off leftovers and use my limited energy for cleaning and tackling the mound of washing up. I give thanks for knitting a few rows of my snake...things will be coming to a head soon!

Missing in inaction

After a much more physically demanding week than is comfortable, plus another vaccination, last night I was grateful I got some food together before descending into several sorts of horizontal for the next eighteen hours. And after being grateful for my sofa and bath and bed, I was grateful I got up and made some hasty tasty pasta for lunch before a couple of naps. Now I'm grateful I've woken up in time to have a cuppa and watch the sky darken as I write my blog. The days when people would notice and wonder if I were OK if I didn't are long gone, but I'd worry about myself if not! For once I'm also grateful for my usual weekend lack of social interaction  - it would be a shame if I had to let people down, turn down invitations or cancel plans. Like others whose lives have been limited by illness, sometimes I catch myself missing the one I had before. Today I'm simply missing...

I give thanks for some light reading (that's weight as much as content) and for my littlest neighbour bringing my parcels upstairs for me though I'm too inanimate to examine their contents yet...yes, even the one from Joe Brown's! I give thanks I think I might still make a spicy aubergine dish for tea...though if not that there's bread to toast instead.

Short haul

Yay, I caught the bus yesterday! And also yay for working out how I'd missed it before - no one had been picked up on the preceding stops so it was passing mine earlier than one might imagine, and had a long pause at the fare stage down the hill. I give thanks for a strangely scenic journey as we rode into a greyout of glowering cloud and sea while inland the moor and valley below was bathed in golden sunlight, and for a very thorough and much needed treatment which saw me in good stead through a long wait for a bus home, having mistakenly assumed that the sparse schedule continued throughout the evening whereas it actually got sparser! I'm grateful I remembered to be grateful to the driver, who was at least as keen to get home as I.

This morning I gave thanks again for being thanked for something I'd written, and for a hint in there for a TV programme about happiness...which led me to a search that turned up two, well more than two actually as one led to a link to a six part philosophy series!

I gave thanks for seeing the bruised face of a neighbour who struggles with alcohol and domestic abuse light up as a black cat trotted up with periscope tail for a fondle, and for another saying to let them know if any of their noise was causing a nuisance or if they could help with anything in any way. Of course one never knows how likely people are actually to follow through on this kind of offer when put to the test (and experience suggests a lot less than they'd like to think they might!) but the gratitude is for the hearing of the offer. Even the imagination of future helpfulness produces a few happy chemicals in the brains of participants...

I give thanks for the last appointments and prescription manoeuvres for a few days and that I got almost everything I meant to in town including an ice cream to eat on the seafront because the day turned out so mild, and a massive aubergine for 20p that's roasting to make a curry tomorrow. I did forget to get some strong thread to sew these mats together but I suspect I'm going to be too tired and sore to do so for the foreseeable future anyhow...and too busy watching TV programmes about happiness maybe! Anyway they seem to be staying quite snugly in line for now... I give thanks for my £2.95 haul for the hall.

The big issue

I'm grateful I bought a Big Issue yesterday. I didn't realise how much until I was lying in the bath reading it, grateful that I had something instead of a library book - I'm grateful for those but always scared of dropping them in the water! The editorial was about the loneliness and social isolation in particular of elderly widowers but emphasising (in a red highlight of mild horror) that many people had no one to speak to from one end of the day to another and we should try to spare a word. In a few paragraphs the piece tried to capture the feeling of no one being there to share anything with... physically, emotionally, verbally, any way at all really other than by chance proximity because you're on the bus or in a shop or waiting room at the same time. I wondered if anyone got it who hadn't done before, possibly not but I'm grateful the writer tried.

Knowing exactly what it's like to be in this situation and how hard it is to convey to others how hard it is without them backing away in mild horror of their own. 'Oh my God, they're lonely! They might want me to spend time with them...but I'm busy with my family and friends and work and love and life. All these places to go and people to see that are much more important to me. Can't someone else do it?' etc etc It can be very unhealthy to have limited interactions with others, especially if most of them are like that.. including for the poor 'busy' folk scrambling to get back to their cosy niche aware on some level they've made a judgement that doesn't serve them well.

I'm grateful I've realised you have to make the love start with you if little comes to you, by grasping any opportunities for kindness and thoughtfulness you can. You don't have to be fit and well and rich (though it helps!) and it helps you more if there's some kind of one to one contact involved. If you're a lonely old man maybe join all the elderly ladies in the charity shops and Leagues of Fiends (I'm sure they'd love it!) and if you can't get out much you could sponsor an endangered animal or child, or become a penfriend (like I did after reading the Human Writes advert in a Big Issue)... Or just buy a copy now and then. Home alone seems tough? Think how no home and alone would be... Bet the lady featured who went from mortgage broker to homeless in three months after her firm went into administration hadn't...

There's a section in each issue where people sing the praises of their local vendors, telling how they 'make someone's day', but the one in town yesterday clearly wasn't having a good one himself. He had his eyes shut and and was swaying slightly and everyone was either rushing past not seeing him or pretending they hadn't or staring or commenting unkindly. I can't rush much but I did pass by and then stopped and reminded myself I could do better than that and went back and stood in front of him and simply said 'Are you OK, mate?' And he opened his eyes and explained he was cold and hadn't been sleeping well and had a lot going on at the moment. Heaven knows I'm a rubbish listener and certainly no saint - I didn't march him off to a cafe and buy him lunch - but he said I was the first person who'd stopped and I reckon one person spending one minute treating someone else like another member of the human race is a whole lot better than none. And by buying the magazine at least he had the money for a cuppa if that's what he chose to spend it on...

Anyway, I give thanks for being thanked for saying something (deservedly) complementary eighteen months ago and for the chance to revisit what I gave thanks for then. I give thanks for thinking if I wrote this before I went on the bus to acupuncture it would save a lot of effort later...especially as I thus missed the bus and, though I'm extremely grateful Rachel can fit me in this evening, it will certainly be too much of an effort that. I am extremely grateful that (allegedly) the council have decided not to close the bridge tonight which should cut a chunk off the journey...and I'm open to the fact the universe may have another timetable in mind altogether!

Lighten up

I'm grateful for darker mornings because I get to see more dawns! I'm grateful I managed to get to a (phone) camera before this one had completely faded.

I'm grateful I'm used to often having no chance of getting from A to B so I don't have to rant and fume as motorists were on Facebook this morning about roadworks. It's very frustrating to think you have control over anything apart from your own thoughts, so I'm grateful I remembered to send the poor things some metta instead of having a rant myself. And that after I lost control of my fingers on the last sentence and deleted it I remembered both what I'd written...and to laugh!

I'm grateful that, after considering the logistics of getting myself from A to B and C on Thursday and from A to B, C and D on Friday, I realised I would be unable to lug the X, Y and Zs I needed to pick up between the venues and would have to go out today as well. And I'm grateful that when this was finally possible, and I forgot something and had to go back and set out again, this meant I was walking down the hill as Christine was walking up and we could stop and chat for a while about the things we are always keen to chat about that other people aren't necessarily aware of let alone appreciate - the glorious minutiae of the everyday, especially the natural ones. She also saves special leaves and gets excited about seeing the sea at night so it's a comfort for me to know there's at least one other one...

I'm grateful for the recent Channel 4 documentaries about police custody suites and the folk they have to bring in. I'm not so naive as to think all the chaps down the station are quite as understanding as the ones represented, but it's so refreshing to hear anyone remember and remind others that criminal activity is usually the result of a handful of poor life choices (and maybe not even your own) and not inherent 'evil'. This week's theme was drug offences and featured possibly the most amiable heroin addict and desk sergeant ever as well as some sadder tales.

I'm grateful that some vintage Viyella I bid for quite persistently on ebay and won has arrived and is gorgeous - worth every penny and pound.

Stepped up

Straight after typing and tea yesterday I fell straight asleep which didn't bode well for going to choir but I'd already been grateful for the intent...and was even more so when I woke up 45 mins later, in plenty of time to be bleary eyed for a bit and even have a crumpet and jam to boost my calorie level for a chilly walk down the hill. I give thanks for a particularly harmonious and companionable practice and much mirth in the carpark afterwards, followed by assistance from yet another Jenny in the shape of a lift home!

Exhausted, I've been giving thanks for much rest and recuperation today, and for the entertainment of watching and listening to the weather - howls and squeaks and groans of wind, patter and hurl of rain, golden light and rainbows on grey cloud and whirling copter keys. Only a few weeks ago something small fluttering in the air might be a leaf or butterfly but now they're all leaves and for much of the day zooming past the window horizontally. I give thanks for the times when I was up, once or twice even up a small ladder attending to elevated chores...but also for the ones when I was horizontal, zooming through snoozes and a paperback.

I give thanks for seeing a van from our new management company collect various items of misdisposed furniture from outside. None of it was mine and you might think I might be cross at the thought of having to pay a share of removal costs for an eyesore I'd not been part of creating, but it had begin to cross my mind I should consider hiring someone to get rid of the local heap so it's a definite improvement on that. Also (as long as copies were sent to the flats where the owners are!) I give thanks for receiving a letter from them about not leaving bikes in the hallways, as I do find it difficult shimmying round them sometimes...

I give thanks for discovering a third series of Secret Street Crew secreted in the repeat filled schedules and almost overlooked. Particular thanks for the one where a rather unfit and preoccupied family failed to learn the whole routine they'd planned for a twenty-first present for a daughter who'd had a difficult year...and Diversity joined in to finish it off. Now that will be a birthday to remember! And though I've not seen it yet there's an episode with wheelchairs at last - I'm grateful for that.

Stars and stripes

I give thanks for all the surprisingly bright stars outside my window when I got up to open it in the night...and for it being so mild that I had to. 

I'm grateful for getting the necessities in town - two sorts of tea bags, milk, crumpets and biscuits to share - and for a natter with the ladies who nibble.

My knitting digits are decidedly uncooperative today, so I give thanks for leaving my snake in it's basket and making a few inches of bunting cord instead...and for Linda and (a different) Jenny making some triangles for it as well. Gratitude too for completing another couple of rows of the 'dining room' seat covers I'm making...and that it's just a table for two in the kitchen!

I'm grateful for a different Jenny giving me a lift home, and that I'd forgotten another Jenny was cleaning my flat while I was out so it was a nice surprise to see everything spick and span. Is your head spinning? I give thanks that Mr Tesco made me a saucy fishcake to eat after Rachel wasn't able to bring the fish pie hinted at, and that I'm fairly optimistic about making it to choir a bit later on even though she's not here to take me. Just feeling you might is a whole lot better than it seeming impossible...

The birds and the bees

I give thanks for Butterkist toffee popcorn. I must have had it before but I don't remember that crunchiness... Most satisfying, haven't had as much fun making a pig of myself since I had to stop making a pig of myself on chocolate!

I give thanks for waking to the sound of geese flying over. I was trying to fit it into my dream, where it might have slotted in quite nicely, but was grateful to wake up anyway as I'd promised myself a stroll in the sun and it takes me so long to get going and go anywhere.

I'm grateful I pre-booked the warm as summer day but it was a shame I didn't pre-book the cake I had in mind to go with my takeaway tea as they didn't have any and I had to have something long life pre-wrapped and so solid I didn't need anything else for hours. It was one of those days when I'd have liked to go a wandering with someone else so I was very grateful there were lots of folk around I was very grateful not to be with! I do give thanks that so many families and friends were able to enjoy being together though...and for a brief chat with another solitary soul.

I give thanks for the sparkle, the buzz of late bees on late flowers and for coming home to a rest and a bit of knitting and sewing. I'm grateful I managed to easily mend something I had worried might be harder and for raiding the freezer for tea...

Warm and dry

I give thanks for the cosy sound of the wind and rain when you're indoors warm and dry. When I woke up and realised I had to change several things including several of the bedclothes I was grateful for the mild air temperature too. I gave thanks that though it felt like night - dark and stormy - it was actually six am and a perfectly acceptable time to make a cup of tea...and also a perfectly acceptable time to take it back to the unmade bed, drink it and fall asleep again!

I give thanks for waterproof sheets and washing machines, and that the bedding changed the other day had been processed and was ready to be put on again the bed again today. I'm grateful for surgery and surgical appliances that mean this rigmarole doesn't happen any more often than it does, and that I have no one to cuddle up to me in bed as I doubt they'd enjoy the situation much, especially it always makes my eyes leak too. I give thanks for a fine day for festooning the flat with laundry, breezy but warm with the windows open, with nothing much else planned to do with the time and space and no one around but me to have to negotiate it!

I give thanks that my hands were quite cooperative and let me knit for a bit after sorting things out. I've never touched a real snake but I hear they feel warm and dry, as does the one I'm making. It's quite well camouflaged too!

Clean and tidy

I give thanks for the fragrance of fresh basil leaves from making a snack in the kitchen, and a new pack of Nag Champa making the bedroom smell good even before it's open.

I give thanks for this time of feeling even more tired than usual, and that even so I can keep myself fed and the clearing up done, and myself and the flat relatively clean and tidy.

My thumbs being particularly sore, I've been grateful for finding some less painful things to do with them than crochet or knitting for the parts of my day when I'm not snoozing or moving but sitting. I've been tidying the tangles in various stashes and stores of yarn - there are plenty and I find it soothing and satisfying, and know it will speed things up when I can do more crafts again.

I give thanks for typing a couple of letters and going out to post them.

And I give thanks for seeing a post about a position I suspect may be a cleaner for our communal areas here. Oh, fingers crossed that it is!

Good and green

I'm grateful I've realised how ungrateful I've been lately and have decided to try to be more aware. All that whingeing about what food I can and cannot eat is very spoilt and first worldish. I am very grateful for the fact I still have a need for food as I'd have been dead many times over if not for access to a developed health care system. I'm also grateful I can actually eat almost anything I like from a vast array of ingredients and products - many readily available in my own home at the click of a few keys - and it's entirely up to me how healthy or otherwise my diet is. I'm grateful I can make informed choices and can pick and choose from information sources too - and that if I choose to risk death by chocolate, fruit cake or jacket potato then that is up to me.

I give thanks I can still prepare and serve my own food either starting from scratch or using a ready made dish or component. Yes, sometimes it would be extremely fine and dandy to have a caterer and waiter here on hand, to say nothing of a washer up...but how lovely to be in charge of pretty much what you consume and when, and not have to be grateful for something you don't particularly want or like.

I give thanks for the pleasure of being outdoors for a short while earlier...and for that while being the brightest and driest part of the day. I give thanks for good natured cab and bus drivers, and various personnel in the shops and businesses I went to including some bantering GPs in the surgery carpark. I give thanks for Specsavers selling me my favourite pair of glasses ever...the lenses are just right, prisms and all and the frames are gorgeously green!

Old and grey

This morning I was grateful for lying snug under the covers listening to the sound of the wind howling through the gap where the window was open and assorted chirpy birdsong. I gave thanks for remembering a busy night in my dreams - writing a postgrad dissertation on sexual perceptions of clothing, fixing up a dilapidated tower block with a very friendly chap who was a dead ringer for a young Bob Marley and various escapades in a sort of Jane Bond Willis role. Just before I awoke I'd been about to be apprehended in some adventurous espionage and, as my previous disguise had been as an old lady, I was wondering if there was enough difference from how I looked normally to get away without being recognised! What with all that, all the usual bodily malfunctions and something very sore the matter with my foot, it's no wonder I needed to stay late in bed...

I give thanks for eventually getting up, for making a tasty omelette for my lunch, for washing up and cleaning up the kitchen, making my bed and then lying on it! I give thanks for the grey and rainy weather all morning and most of the afternoon which made snoozing extra easy...and for the astonishing brightness when the sun broke through the clouds.

I give thanks for discovering you can make a very acceptable dessert with pudding rice cooked in vanilla rice milk...and that it's even more so with a blob of homemade blueberry jam. I'm always on the look out ways to reduce the potassium intake but it gets harder as the temperature drops and a menu with limited potatoes, parsnips, tomatoes, beans and greens becomes more challenging. I can't get my head round how Christmas can be without nuts, chocolate and dried fruit at all...Oh, well, there's always cheese and crackers!

I give thanks for being a bit crafty and finishing off a short length of this Jenny and I started on Monday...

If you'd like to 'try baby bunting' (sorry - couldn't resist!)... I used oddments of assorted DK yarn and 3.75mm/size 9 needles.

Leaving a tail for sewing up cast on 13 sts and knit first and every alternate row. On second and following even rows knit first 2 and last 2 stitches together until last decrease row when there are 3 stitches left. Knit the first stitch and then knit the last two together, passing the first stitch over and pulling yarn through. Thread this end onto a needle and through the loops on one side of the triangle so that you have a 'tail' at each end of the top for attaching to the tape.

The tape is made by casting on 3 stitches and working in stocking stitch for as long as you want to (or can!). This naturally curls under at the edges so when you sew the triangles along one side the stitches don't show.

Head down

I'm grateful my local surgery's new repeat prescription ordering service doesn't let you order stuff you've not had for a few weeks because I'm sure it's very helpful in stopping patients inappropriately self medicating or otherwise abusing the system or themselves. In my case I wanted things that weren't medication (and would have limited black market value or appeal!) but as I was having a day when the pain was being a pain it was good to have a reason to go out in the almost warm sunshine to sort it out. I'm grateful I decided to take a few small lightweight donations to the food bank collection point on the way because it's always good to think of others less fortunate than yourself... and, when the café it's in was shut, small lightweight things weren't too difficult to lug about!

I'm grateful I didn't have much very demanding to do and for the friendly folk I met while doing it. Also that when I was sitting at the bus stop, hugging bags and trying to stay awake, I saw someone who used to be friendly shopping nearby and thought to get my phone out and my head down as if texting so that if she saw me she wouldn't have to speak if she didn't want to or feel awkward about not offering me a lift.

I'm grateful for getting home and an easy but tasty leftovers lunch before a lovely sleep in a patch of peacefulness so profound it was as if time had come to a halt as well. When it's quiet here it's very quiet indeed...

Good will bunting

I'm grateful those poor chaps upstairs have got what they need to keep them content for a while - they stomp about and bicker when supplies are low and as someone addicted to peace and harmony I know how hard it can be to remain equanimous when you can't get your fix!

I'm grateful for ringing Jenny to see if she was going to knitting and was up for giving me a lift home afterwards as, on a chilly rainy day, it makes a difference what I might choose to wear. I'd planned to get a cab there to arrive warm and dry, and to walk to the bus stop on the way back to save the £s, but she said she'd been going to call to offer me a lift there too given the inclement weather. Unsolicited offers of help are even nicer than asking and it being given!

I give thanks for Linda making us such a cute and functional 'tea bag' for the group...and that Dorothy brought biscuits even though she didn't know we now have to provide the wherewithal ourselves. I give thanks for the Waitrose workers for providing some of my supper...and for the mouth watering smell of the spicy dhal part made by me and wafting through the flat...

I give thanks for the weather being, in fact, perfectly clement for the purposes of a quiet late afternoon knitting which was exactly what I had a yen for and which, as both the acupuncturist and the choir master are out of town, was quite easy to arrange. I give thanks for my hands not being as sore as they have been...and for coming up with the idea of making some mini bunting for our decorative project. This can hang along the tops of the shelves and not obscure the titles, is ideal for using up scraps of yarn and requires little in the way of skill or dedication to contribute to.

Snakes on a sofa

I'm grateful for a relatively uneventful Grand Prix so I could pretend to be watching it but get on with knitting some snake. This is my favourite project at the moment but the yarn and needles are finer than it's comfy for me to work with so I can only do a little bit at a time.

I'm grateful that tomorrow should be the last day of changing by bed covers for autumn. I'm only doing one bed but so far the job is on its second day and still not finished, however I give thanks that I've managed at last to get the components out of storage and get the cover on my duvet! I'm very grateful I only have to do this latter task a few times a year as a) for the warmer part of it I don't use a duvet and b) for the bit that I do I also use sheets having discovered that if you don't properly have one pair of hands, let alone access to two, bed making and unmaking is easier if you change sheets not those pesky covers. It's still pretty hard and it's something I'd ask a friend to help me with if I had those sort of friends, though perhaps I should be grateful I don't think I do since I used to ask the ones I thought I had...and then I found I hadn't, if you see what I mean. 

People tend to have pretty finely defined definitions of whom they consider worthy of their time and assistance, whether for financial gain or just that warm fuzzy feeling. Family usually come first of course, both on the giving and receiving end, but for those who weren't raised in a nurturing and supportive environment it can be hard getting the hang of where generous intentions lie and where folk are just seeming to be nice for their own benefit, I'm really grateful I'm beginning to be able to spot this in retrospect at least! I give thanks for forgiving myself for the many mistakes I've made and hope that the folk I've irritated or made feel awkward by unreasonable expectations can forgive me too...

Anyway I'm grateful I did the knitting and food prep before wrestling with the linens because I feel like going back to bed quite soon now. I'm grateful I can sleep on the 'sofa' - which is a bed - neighbourly noise permitting, and that for the last few days some of the noisiest haven't been there. 

I'm grateful for a pretty card from Volunteering in Health in gratitude for the gift of the blanket and for the sight of all today's the F1 drivers having a sort of group hug before the race...wouldn't be lovely if they did it before every one, not just when there's been an accident? 

On a pier day

Last night I was grateful for another impromptu nap which rendered me able to stay up to watch Lewis...and, talking of coppers, I give thanks for the delicious contrast of those autumn leaves against a pewter sky!

This morning I was grateful I had to get out of bed in a hurry to avert a diversion problem, though my fine motor skills are especially lacking for an hour or two after I wake up and, at the time, I was a bit disappointed I couldn't have left the task for later. As it turns out it's been one of those days when my 'stroke' hand never really wakes up properly at all and I give thanks for all the things I've dropped that haven't broken or made too much of a mess, and that I've only one small cut from a kitchen knife.

And talking of cuts, I'm grateful that I had to go out and get a key copied and posted to the new building managers because the freeholder has failed to respond to their requests to be provided with one. I'm not sure why he tries to make things so difficult for everyone but I'm grateful for remembering to have compassion for the poor soul, and I give thanks they've turned to me for help and maybe we can start getting repairs and maintenance done soon. 

I also give thanks for my usual perfect meteorological timing I was outdoors not under those rainy grey clouds but a bright blue washed sky in astonishingly warm and spectacularly clear sunshine. I'm grateful the pier was open for a rest and a cuppa, and for remembering not to try to get a photo of something my camera's not very good at, like vistas of sea and sky...

Black and white and read

Typing through gritted teeth I'm grateful on behalf of those who live within reach of the galleries where they have photography exhibitions. Pretty much always seem to be in London (where I can't really go without a minder these days) so I am so grateful for the tasters I get on the internet sometimes, though this isn't eye candy where a nibble will do...this is eye haute cuisine/comfort food and I'd like several platefuls please! Look at this short film...don't you want to look at each individual image for at least four minutes and twelve seconds? No? Do you live in London...maybe you'd like to swap homes with me?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-29521098

This morning I failed to attend the second meeting of the local fibromyalgia support group having also failed to make it to the first one, though to be fair I hadn't noticed it was happening til it was too late to get organised by not going out or doing anything strenuous yesterday. I'm grateful there is a group as I know a lot of people get a lot from this sort of getting together but am not entirely convinced my attitude to talking about (let alone listening to others talking about) illness (let alone several other conversational topics) would be a welcome addition to the gathering, though I intend to give it a go and say hello next time. It's been the sort of day when I'm grateful merely for getting up and dressed, getting some food and getting the washing on...and I am indeed! 

This afternoon I've failed to do pretty much anything except send a couple of texts, pack up a couple of small items that need sending and have a couple of naps. I was thinking of having a bath, an early tea and going back to bed so I'm grateful I checked the TV schedules and have spotted a new Lewis (or should I say Hathaway) starts tonight so I can factor in at least recording that... And I'm grateful for hearing someone else I've never met reads my blog. I like that it's not just people I know being kind...or worrying I might ask questions later!

Ready unsteady

What often happens after a day of being largely dead to the world is that the next one there's more energy but also more pain and stiffness so that the sensible thing is to try and move about as much as possible to try to limber things up. Sometimes I manage to go out again even though I'm more than usually dishevelled and stagger about like an extra from a zombie apocalypse movie... Thus I give thanks the bus stop's not far away and that there's a small town a scenic bus ride from here where and that's quite normal and I blend in well!

I give thanks for the wind whipping up little wiggly white waves on the grey waters of the estuary right inland to where it's a river and for a traffic island planted with a diverse variety of trees that begins to be particularly pretty this time of year.

I give thanks for the difficulties I have going about my business without a car (trading estates are particularly jading to the joints) are offset by the pleasures of gazing out of windows and thinking on buses and trains. Getting your head round things is ultimately far more rewarding than merely getting things!

Nonetheless I give thanks for finding some more yarns to go with the various balls in my stash I'm planning to use up in new and ongoing projects (some of which will in turn become leftovers no doubt!) and some easier to hold knitting needles to go with them so that I could start something when I got home that's been in my head for a while and get further than I expected I possibly could.

I give thanks that a sit down doing that, plus chopping the veg before I went out, means now I'm ready to stand up to make tea it's almost ready to eat! Oh and for a pearly pink sea this evening reflecting the sunset tinged clouds...

Bright now

One of the reasons I'm grateful for an acupuncture treatment is that I usually get a few hours afterwards when my body works better...after that, of course, I usually get a day or two when it seems to hardly work at all! Today I've been very grateful that the latter has happened on a day when I haven't had to do much beyond the most basic things and for the perfect weather for staying home doing/not doing just that.  I give thanks for enough sunshine to keep the place warm, and enough wind and rain to make it sound even cosier indoors. I give thanks for leftovers and for living on toast in between them... I give thanks for discovering that, though I really don't like watching TV in the daytime (not even non-daytime TV!) I'm not adverse to taking something downloaded on a tablet to snuggle up back in bed with in the afternoon!

I give thanks for an armchair trip to Norway...
http://twistedsifter.com/videos/norway-timelapse-by-morten-rustad/

...and an only slightly more vigorous spot of boat building...

I give thanks for the growing glow of orange outside my windows now, and the new views beginning to show between the leaves...

I give thanks for knowing your future will be brighter when you stop thinking your present isn't bright enough!

Spiked

This morning I was still giving thanks for those waves yesterday, plus the bright moon last night and a flash or two of even brighter lightning...  I was grateful to get going fairly early and vigorously, presumably as a result of my acupuncture rather than the rather demanding choir practice, and this meant when the wool shop I went to right by the station didn't have the yarn I was sure they would, I was able to risk a detour to a shop I was pretty sure wouldn't but did! I'm grateful I'd already realised the new one I was delighted to find on line was in a city of the same name on a completely different continent and that there was something to bring home at the end of the day as, after three long poky and painful attempts at persuading my veins to accept the iron, they and the staff gave up and I was sent home unfilled.

I'm grateful for the companionableness of the crowded trains and buses...for the girl squashed next to me on one bending down to retrieve something I dropped and a lady I'd been chatting to about knitting showing me pictures on her phone of hedgehogs she'd made that made that have inspired me to look for the pattern.

I was grateful for the sights of the day - a carrier bag flying high free above the city street, and another one being used by someone in a wheelchair as an impromptu waterproof hat, long shadows on the bristly harvested fields, surprise pink patches of cyclamen in shadowy spots and a dazzling double rainbow cheering up a slow bumpy grumbly ride home. And for the scents - I've finally found a new perfume I like after Lush willfully discontinued my favourite. This one's by Lush too and I like it as much as Nag Champa which, as anyone who knows my nose knows, means I like it a lot. However, as I haven't actually bought any yet I have to keep sniffing my sample sprayed wrists and might have to not wash up tonight to let it linger...

O zone

I'm grateful that Mondays only come once a week as I usually have more to do on Mondays than the rest of the week and, although the things are usually nice things, they can be a bit tiring when there's too much pain and not enough energy around. This Monday I've also got half an eye on Tuesday as I've got to go and have intravenous iron at the hospital and want to have as many of the relevant bits and bobs in the right place ready as possible too so that's been extra stuff to do today and I'm grateful I (think I've) got those things done... I'm also very grateful to the NHS for topping up my blood with iron as it's been a bit low for a while and I'm looking forward to be running on full again.

Meanwhile, I'm grateful for spending a lot of the morning in bed, not just because it seemed a good idea at the time but also because the afternoon turned out to be a zone of close to zero functionality including taking my completed library chair back cover to the library to with a variety of minor mishaps, mistakes and miscommunications culminating in thinking a delay had led to missing a bus (there was no one waiting at the stop and it's due time was passed so a reasonable assumption), wandering off and just getting too far away to go back for it when it arrived. 'Sod it,' I thought, 'I'm going to look a the sea instead of going home'...and oh my goodness I'm grateful I did because the sea was very scenic!

As I'd taken my finished library chair back to the library to photograph in situ but forgotten to photograph it I'm grateful I have some other illustration to include instead (as long as it uploads OK!)...and I'm grateful for Tesco redelivering something they took away in their delivery by mistake today (fresh cream apple turnovers, one would want to be without those would one?)

I'm grateful to Biddy for some shortbread biscuits in return for/as a result of borrowing why Kindness is Good For You and for Rachel for washing up while I type this!

Check this out

I give thanks the noisiest folk in the neighbourhood have either been away or away with the fairies this weekend, so that the area's been very quiet - even the dogs have hardly barked though last night a gentleman owl did call for a lady to woo! I find the peacefulness delightfully soothing (and ideal for snoozing of course!) but I'm grateful I've stayed upright to work on a couple of crafty projects including finishing off this blanket so I can take it to the charity it's destined for when I'm in that part of town tomorrow...

I give thanks for my Sunday not roast. I've never understood why slabs of animal are quite such popular fare but once in a while I did enjoy the veggie equivalent, until root crops sizzled in the oven went the way of nuts and tomato puree with Marmite and Vecon (which makes the most delicious gravy ever!)...so even having a couple of spoonfuls of a hazel and almond loaf with some savory rice was very nice. The upside of having to drastically limit your intake of erstwhile favourite foods is that the tiny portions you are allowed are the source of such intense pleasure, and similarly last night I enjoyed two squares of chocolate - two of the ones you probably thought were a decorative textural feature in those miniature Green & Black's bars! I give thanks that abstinence makes the taste buds fonder and can also cause you to lose pounds (avoirdupois) and gain pounds (sterling). I give thanks I had a few extra of the former and can always use a few more of the last!

Still waters

There was plenty of gratitude to feel before I was even properly awake this morning - for disturbing dreams not being real, for the sound of soft but persistent rain, and for being in less pain than I have been for a long while so that getting out of bed wasn't the usual scary process...  This also meant I could make pancakes for a late breakfast which is always something to be grateful for!

I'm aware of a correlation between a certain amount of stillness and a reduction in levels of pain but the level of stillness required is pretty silly ie. not getting dressed, lifting a mug or holding a book let alone dressmaking, washing up or typing, and if you're a long time dead and long times hooked up to a dialysis machine might precede it, that seems a bit of a waste of the bit beforehand to me... But I promised myself a bit of extra rest this weekend and am grateful to say I've been doing quite well so far with a laid back morning watching quali and sewing a few inches of lining to a blanket I made, and a much a doze about nothing afternoon having naplets with a novel and attaching some more fish to a shelf decoration for the library,

And I'm grateful for still more very low impact activity planned for the rest of the day - heating up some leftovers, watching some TV and a long bubbly bath. I still give thanks every time I have one, and when I tie my hair up before I get in. I have shed the shadows of many difficult times in my life but being bald and banned from wallowing still haunts me a little now and then...

Maintaining one's position

Some mornings staying in bed seems the only sensible course of inaction, so today I was grateful I could do that for a little while at least, giving thanks for the tea in my mug and the pretty pattern on it. I was grateful for the insights into the human mind that a dip into Facebook's news feed can give. We're all so keen to identify ourselves by identifying with those who share our opinions and preferences - Don't you like this? Hate them? Think this is sad, cute, despicable, funny? For a while there I began to formulate an alternative view of how we might behave...but you can all give thanks I've forgotten what it was now anyhow!

I'm grateful for only spending fifteen minutes in a queue to the DWP to ask for a new letter to take to appointments for reimbursement of fares, and that the advisors I spoke to were more sympathetic and humorous than the young woman in the hospital office who only just stops short of insisting I have 'benefit scrounger' tattooed on my forehead to validate my request (at my own expense of course).

And then eventually I was grateful I overrode the overriding need for rest and got up in time to do what had to be done, and even a few things that didn't like popping into a cafe with Linda as we happened to find ourselves in the same part of town at the same time. There are ladies who lunch, I believe, whereas I'm one who merely munches... teacakes, biscuits, scones... Anything to fill the gap where chocolate cake used to be!

I'm grateful to Jenny for making my home so clean, and that, by remaining horizontal, consuming leftover food and recorded documentaries, it looks set to stay that way for a while.

Irony

Well last night I was grateful I eventually managed to get comfy enough to fall asleep and today to get out of the house despite still being decidedly un-. I gave thanks for remembering to snap the flattering paint job on the wrought iron at the station, and the pretty ride on the train to the mystifying city where there were men's jumpers on sale with padded Father Christmases on tummies even though most of the men seemed to have padded tummies of their own!

I give thanks for all the talented buskers I heard. One of them (the violinist who plays so movingly sometimes here) had hand written signs with his phone number on 'for bookings' and I was grateful to see a smartly dressed lady writing it down!

I'm grateful for a bus that goes right up the hospital entrance and for chuckles on board as we passed a council worker joyfully jumping up and down on a truck bed full of trimmed branches to try and flatten them.    

I'm even grateful that the clinic was running so way over time that it was too late to go to the castle cafe as planned with a friend afterwards, because he had a car we could drive to a little town on the other side of the estuary instead.  I'd not been there for years so it was grand to see it again with the afternoon light pearl blue on the water, and to try out a friendly new cafe down by the quay. I'm grateful it had a station so I could get home, and that the bathwater is hot and ready for a soothing soak...

Get up in the morning

This morning I was grateful for the soft warm sunshine streaming in my south facing windows since I was feeling particularly soft myself and in need of late lounging in my bedroom. But I also gave thanks when it clouded over with sporadic showers as I find it much easier to laze lengthily indoors when the weather's a tad less clement. I gave thanks for remembering the light on the lake before the day got busy...

I give thanks for thinking 'It's about time there was a new season of QI', looking it up and seeing it starts this week! Also for remembering I haven't watched all of the last one yet. I save them for when I most need to laugh out loud and preferably when there aren't too many neighbours around - I don't want them banging on the door shouting 'I want some of what she's having instead'

I give thanks for phoning my electric company. No, really, I do indeed because a cheerful and (apparently) competent advisor answered the questions the website couldn't because it was having a hissy fit and confirmed I was nicely in credit and my Warm Home Discount application had been received so that I may be even more so in due course...

I give thanks for some BBC4 documentaries reminding me of hit songs and hot fashions of my younger years and that, should anyone ever want to bring me round from a coma (or worse), they ought to try Desmond Dekker's Israelites before anything more invasive!