Catch

I give thanks for lying peacefully during my acupuncture treatment apart from overhearing some understandable but not very therapeutic grumbling upstairs including one chap calling from one room to another (as we all do) that he'd clicked on the wrong thing and lost something he was doing on line (as we all do).  I give thanks I next heard an owl hooting in the trees outside, thinking what a much more pleasant sound that was...and then I chuckled to myself as it came to me for all I knew it might have been shouting 'Effing fog! How am I supposed to catch any bleeping rodents in this?' in owl language!

I give thanks for the hours that followed my treatment reminding me why so many folk are so fond of mood altering substances, of some sor or another. Mood altering practices are always my favourite, though I gave thanks I didn't have to operate any machinery other than a kettle! It almost seemed a bit of a waste to be that happy on my own...but hey, I managed... I give thanks for being reminded afterwards the downside of anything that makes you feel good is that you don't feel half as good when you have to do without...

I give thanks for being relatively energetic and unpainful today despite being up all night at the Winkleigh Cricket Club mid summer party. Ah, the logic of dreams eh? Having some relatively strenuous things to do with that energy today, I give thanks for pacing myself. Well, I think I did...we'll see tomorrow when I have some more strenuous things to do!

I give thanks the jigsaw has got to the stage when you can see all the pieces left and can tell some of the right ones aren't in the box but bits from a different puzzle have been included instead. Won't stop me trying though...

Peer

I give thanks for the beauty of wetness. I'd planned to take pictures of pretty wet things from my window but the dripping dried up before I could. I give thanks for that too as I had to go out and do some stuff, including the stuff that is simply being outside. I've always known I need this, but as a non-driver you usually get plenty anyway...as a non-walker, nah, not so much!

I give thanks for an unexpected jolly mood last night. Unexplained too, but maybe chortling at Come Dine With Me, while chomping a particularly yummy home made pudding helped. I give thanks, when dark gloom descended later, for being reminded of the capricious nature of human emotion. It doesn't help that this time of year I'm bombarded with reminders of what delightful things there are to do on my birthday...for other people! Oh well, I give thanks I'll always have the John Peel and chocolate body paint tale ;-)

Meanwhile, back in the here and almost now, I give thanks for that first moment when I feel the touch of the breeze on my cheek, the first in breath of fresh air. I give thanks for the release of gritted teeth when released from the cab! For, in those healthy halcyon days after my arrival here, choosing to register with the GP's surgery nearest to the sea. For having a long, padded, dark coloured coat so I can sit down in damp places when I need a rest. For being close to the restless sea... What's that? It doesn't look very restless? Neither do I mate...but trust me, I most certainly am!

I give thanks for the pain being manageable in small doses, and for living somewhere where so many places I want to go are small distances apart. For being known and nurtured with offers of chairs in shops, the laid back friendliness...For remembering not to treat myself to a lush Luder's cake as there was leftover pudding to eat, and when I reminded myself again out loud in the deli, for the baker man there leaning forward on the counter and asking what was in it. For making people smile...and for a friendly taxi driver being on the rank for a chat and a laugh on the way home...

Out!

I give thanks for fresh basil leaves in my pasta last night waking me up enough to enjoy it. Well half of it...and that there was half left for lunch today! I was so dozy in the late afternoon and kept having to wrench myself back into consciousness, so that I was almost not grateful I'd booked an evening Tesco delivery, but there'd not really been much choice as not only was I running out of salad items but they were too...and available slots for someone to bring them... Very scary! I give thanks the only sort of lettuce left was organic Romaine, because it turned out to be delicious!

I give thanks for going to bed just after nine,  going to sleep just after that and staying asleep for large chunks of the next twelve hours. Must have needed that...

I give thanks for finally managing to coax my body back into life again, and my internet as well after a power cycle, so that I could watch most of the Aussie Open final. I didn't mind who won, just as long as whoever wasn't wasn't winning at the time bounced back into ascendancy so that there was plenty of excitement and uncertainty to enjoy, so I give thanks the players did their best to oblige by making an excellent match and thoughtful speeches afterwards too.

Not seen tennis like that for years. There's a reason for that of course...and I give thanks for the memory of Henman Hill in breaks between rain in for the epic Wimbledon final of 2008. It was just a couple of months before the cancer was diagnosed and such an exasperating time for everyone who had to put up with my endless protracted trips to the loo. People got so snappy with me and I often wonder if they put two and two together afterwards and felt bad, I do hope not! I give thanks, as I always do when I enjoy some good tennis, that my mother instilled me with this delight. Didn't get much from her to be unequivocally grateful for but this is one joy that remains undiminished by age and infirmity so a treasure indeed.

I give thanks for leaving the terrace without a car! Only as far as the postbox across the road...but as my back had seized up again from sitting too long at the table beforehand it felt like a major expedition. Unfortunately sitting at the table was unavoidable as the stuff that needed posting needed preparing first. I give thanks though my printer kept telling me it was out of ink I managed to get it to photcopy important documents...and even, eventually, remember to get the last one out from under its lid and into the (already sealed) envelope!

I give thanks the top I took a fancy to in the Joe Brown's sale catalogue was out of stock in my size. Usually I don't look because what you don't see you're far less likely to want...and even I couldn't convince myself it was needed ;-)

The Butterfly and The Child

I give thanks for all the people who believe I'm always on top of everything with serenity, courage and wisdom as required...and cheerful about it to. It's an attractive idea, isn't it, that a weak and feeble woman such as I could hold back all the encroaching entropy in and around her life? Heavens I buy into it myself sometimes!

In reality there is much to be discouraged about, and in amongst the nicer mail there were letters reminding me of medical and financial challenges to fret over, and when I went to bed last night it was raining in my hall. Better than heart? Hmm... Not sure! I give thanks, as usually happens, I've cobbled together a plan or two...with as little action as possible on my part for now as I'm not feeling very active at the moment.

I give thanks for getting on with various chores anyhow, and in between 'resting' by listening to guided meditations. Some I didn't find at all restful due to the timbre of the guiding voice, or the words they chose to use, but I gave thanks for the experience anyhow. Unequivocal thanks for Imee Ooi's Om Mani Padme Hum though, and for a free download of an introduction to a type of yoga where you basically just stay still in various positions for several minutes or more. Being already sore I had to choose the ones to try carefully but managed both the Butterfly and the Child for a while - both shapes I naturally bend my body into by choice anyway. I give thanks it's been very peaceful round here today...

I give thanks for a new doable MRI scan appointment in a few weeks time. As it's not in an easy place to get to even if you don't have a bad back, and to face the claustrophobia of the machine and volunteer transport on the same day would be, well...undoable, I was conceiving of a plan involving four taxis and two trains...so after mentioning to this to Mima and her offering to take me instead I was very grateful indeed! Well, as far as one can be grateful for needing the pesky thing done anyway...

I give thanks for Pat's thoughtful gift of a beany cushion that supports a tablet on your lap leaving hands free. Very useful! For the tight budded daffodils Laura brought me gradually opening and releasing their delicate fragrance. For Belvoir Turkish Delight flavour cordial - that's not what it's really called but I can't be bothered to get up and check the proper name. Tastes like it anyway :-)

Pictures at an exhibition

I give thanks for Mima's magic car seat! There's something about the angles and dimensions on the passenger side that really do my back good...I pretty much only sat in it to ride from one town car park to another but I was hobbling when I got in and nimble enough when I got out to offer to help unload the back seat full of cardboard into the recycling skip. Me, physically helping someone? Yeah, I know...gave thanks for that rarity too!

I give thanks for getting the most of the practical stuff I needed to do in town done beforehand...and something I needed to do for the purpose of pleasure, though some pain was involved as well as standing is still quickly very uncomfortable. I went to the local camera club exhibition in one of the galleries here, and was grateful I did as I enjoyed looking at the work, but would have been even more grateful if someone else had been looking at it at the same time so I didn't have to be the sole focus of the hospitality and engagement encouragement of those in charge. There was great keenness that I should vote for a favourite but with such a range of themes and styles that was, as I explained, very difficult to do. In the end I decided it had to be the one I'd buy if it were for sale and affordable because I'd want to look at it again and again. But then I turned the last corner and there was another image equally liveable with, so I said I would have to choose none or two, and was grateful when one of the two turned out to be by the person asking me to pick.  Phew!

I give thanks for a cup of tea and nibbles and chat. For a ride home with many packages including some online sale household items I'm very grateful I found as they are even nicer than in their pictures made me think they'd be.

I give thanks despite the fall of darkness, wind picking up again and driving rain, the flat feels a little warmer than it did earlier on. There's a limit to how many layers you can put on and still actually move about and function and I was getting close before. I give thanks for a quick and easy tea planned, for books and bath lined up for later, and my electric blanket and duvets promising me a hug when I get into bed.

It's on its way!

I give thanks I got up this morning. No, I mean...I give thanks I got up this morning! That hasn't happened unless it has to for a while...

I give thanks for being so tired last night I fell asleep almost as soon as my cheek touched the pillow...and even more so, as various things woke me up again, that this happened every time! I don't know what was going on upstairs, but I give thanks my mind soon did the sensible thing and incorporated the noises in my dream so I imagined I was actually sharing a room with one of them not just a building, and am not sure what I actually heard and what my subconscious made up. There were scores of cats outside by the dustbins as well. I'd never seen so many together - I had to take pictures - only that, of course, was made up!

I give thanks a few minutes into watching the beginning of the Icelandic saga I realised the storyline had started after the start of the story and I'd have to wait for a flashback or two to see if my suppositions were correct, but then Laura rang and I had to leave it for a while. She wanted to come over as she said I might like my birthday present early and she would be very busy over the next few weeks, but I joked as she took her coat off that she must have heard about the long running jigsaw and be keen to do her bit(s). It turned out she wasn't that keen and had even put one away unfinished she'd been given a short while ago, but politely picked out a piece and peered at the picture to see where it would go. An hour later I couldn't stop laughing as Laura couldn't stop doing jigsaw! I give thanks its difficulty has actually made it such a particularly sociable puzzle.

I give thanks when I got back to the box set I discovered it was me who'd not started at the beginning, not the scriptwriters. It was far more intelligible watching the first episode first!

I give thanks for hearing from Pat that she has ordered a birthday gift for me too and it is on its way...

I give thanks seeing and hearing the churning sea while keeping reasonably cosy indoors on this f-f-freezing day. For catching up with word work and play. And, for those who might enjoy another of my simpler crosswords, being able to say it's on its way. No, I mean... It's on its way!

http://crossword.info/happiness_squared/Its_on_its_way 

There's a bit of a theme again...but it's not astrophysics or anything difficult to spell (I think - let me know if you disagree!)

Dark horse

I give thanks for a quiet night in the neighbourhood and both duvets on the bed so that I could have the window open a little and listen to the waves. I checked to see if the local webcam was on line and it wasn't but I dreamt I was down by the sea in the dark so that was just as good! I give thanks for some very vivid dreams lately with lingering scenes such as Daryl setting me to photocopy the many wayward pages of Rachel's book, moving into a rundown room in a hotel that had a marvellous view of St Michael's Mount and walking in a London park with Colin and coming across, in a large patch of mud, a very affectionate pony less than eighteen inches tall!

I give thanks for a busy day catching up with chores here...and that I've been quite high in energy and low in pain to make doing so possible. I give thanks for my ravenous appetite, a healthy sign I'm sure, though I'd kind of forgotten how the cycle of intake and output is supposed to work and it was a bit of a surprise to have my body point out if it's going to do more it's going to need more fuel. Though I'm not as skinny as I was a few months ago I've still not a lot of fat reserves to live on...

I give thanks for Imee Ooi's soothing and uplifting music. At least it soothes and uplifts me! Sometimes I play it when the neighbours are tetchy to restore my equilibrium. Sometimes I play it to the neighbours when they're tetchy to see if it helps with theirs but I'm not sure it hits the spot for them.

I give thanks though my back and leg have insisted I rest now before I've cleaned and tidied the living room as much as I'd like, I've found some new Nordic Noir on Walter Presents so I'll focus on that instead. Until it's time for supper!

Brimful of something

I give thanks for making the nicest pie for tea last night - with a little help from Mr Tesco mashing the spuds for the topping! Rachel's diet isn't quite vegan and gluten free, and neither was this, but I'd been tempted to grate some cheese on one side for me...and hadn't...and yet somehow it almost tasted as if I had. Seriously yummy and comforting on a chilly winter's evening. I give thanks for a very good acupuncture treatment too...

I give thanks the lovely young woman in our new 'cornershop' popped out the back to put the kettle on when she found the takeaway drinks machine hadn't been switched on today and made me a cup to to my taste. I'd been hobbling quite handily around town (for me) and was determined fog or no fog, steps or no steps, I was going to get some sand between the treads of my boot soles for the first time in what is creeping alarmingly towards six months...and I gave great thanks I did! If you're trying to do more being here now what better place to be doing it than a deserted shore?

I give thanks the other Boots had been selling some cut price Graze snacks so I could graze on those and sip my tea and watch the interplay of cloud and sun, and water and land, and fill up my soul with the wonder of it all including the wonder of me being there. I'm so grateful to the people who take me or accompany me to places, and value the experiences and enjoyments we share, but sometimes I need to take myself to a place, somewhere where it feels as if there's just the planet and me, to detach from the virtual world we call 'real' life... I give thanks for the state of the weather and my body creating the chance to be there for a while.

I give thanks for not getting some bad news I was expecting...in fact it being rather good. And for remembering to add a photo to this post for you mysterious marvellous people who read my blog not via Facebook nudges, but by thinkng of it anyway...I am both honoured and humbled.

Square eyes

I give thanks for the heavy frost whitening the rooftops til late on a cold crisp morning. For not having to go out, though I wouldn't have been adverse in cosy clothing, but all that hefting yesterday has made some new bits sore...

Though moving more has thus been rather tricky, I give thanks for sticking to plan A regarding trying to think less. I don't formally meditate even a perceivable fraction of the amount I used to, but you can bring mindful awareness to every activity (or stillness) and I'm aware I've been increasingly utterly 'mind-full' in recent times, which is a good place start trying to stop!

I give thanks for finding a Eurosport channel showing tennis without adverts or commentary, just the on court calls and sounds. So much better! Like being there...only not as a cheap seated human but as a rich visioned bird swooping around the space and zooming in on the details. It could a great feature for pretty much any programme with a voiceover I reckon, to allow one to turn it off and make one's own observations or interpretations with just some simple info. And while we're on the subject I give thanks for the fascinating and thought provoking images of creatures going about their lives last night, as recorded by those clever animatronic spy creatures. Could have done without most of the script on that too though!

I give thanks for becoming fascinated by the beauty water droplets and patterns of condensation earlier, which I'm sure does mean I should get out more, but sure does show I make the best of not doing that I can!

Spy in the tame

The first noteworthy thing I gave thanks for today was when I turned on my tablet and, as the curser was blinking in Google search, I was offered the following three 'trending' suggestions.

Man with 18.9 inch willy
Bristol Police taser
Bust of Winston Churchill sent back

For some reason it reminded me of those creative writing exercises when you have to fit some given features into a story. No particular reason that I can think of...apart from the fact by imagination is both vivid and odd!

I've decided I really need more physical exercise and mental relaxation and have been wondering of what I can and might like to do and gave thanks for coming up with the idea some seated Tai Chi seemed a good place to start, especially as it was therapeutically peaceful in the neighbourhood today. So that was planned for after some jobs in the kitchen... The first one turning out to be an unplanned reorganisation and coaxing with warm water of my severely overstuffed and iced up freezer as the door had not been closing easily for a long while and had, I discovered, for a short while not been closing at all. I give thanks that proved to be a surprisingly aerobic activity - twisting and bending and weightlifting on my knees.

I give thanks for completing the job well enough, shutting the door firmly, switching it back on and flopping on the sofa for a bit with a cuppa...but when I went back to the kitchen it seemed as if my work had been in vain as the fridge freezer seemed tired of being an appliance and interested in becoming a large silver cupboard with a light at the top instead. This has happened before when it's been off for a while and I was grateful I knew to give it a nudge or two. As someone remarked the other day it's a big fridge for a little girl, in fact if you took the middle out of it person who said it and I would probably both fit inside at the same time without too much trouble...so maybe nudge isn't quite the word. I lurched it from side to side and back against the wall and back to the floor with a thump. I turned it round and inspected the back for any obvious signs of disconnection or malfunction in the cooling unit...I switched it off and on again...again...and finally conceded defeat. And, as you can imagine, by the time I'd investigated how soon and easily a new one could be got here, and considered who I might ask if they had any cold storage space to spare, and run a bath to mull things over, and made another cuppa to take with me there, and popped back to fetch it when it was brewed...I was most grateful of all to be greeted by a chilling rattle and hum.

I give thanks for the idleness of internet browsing...and eventually... shopping! I'm a very discerning (some might say fussy) purchaser, and careful with the pennies I spend and as there's so much retail choice on line reviewing the options can be a very drawn out process. I give thanks for finding a few items of tableware I've coveted for years in a sale. Clearly they're going 'out of fashion' and I give thanks for that too, having a thing about not following trends! After yesterday's expression of mild dissatisfaction (some might say rant) about DPD, I was both amused and bemused to see this particular company charges extra if you want a 'delivery' from them. They're going to email me with details of the alternative budget option courier... a man with a wheelbarrow perhaps? Thinking about it I'd be quite grateful if it were - much better chance of cornering him and wrestling my goods from his grasp!

I give thanks, as you might have gathered, I've been feeling pretty well and strong today but I also give thanks it's time for tea and some marvelling at Spy in the Wild. Still not managed that Tai Chi, but I did listen to some meditative music while I cooked and hey, the day is still quite young!

Slow food

I give thanks for a meal last night with the first relish for several days...and by that I don't mean pickle! For a suspicion I've sussed what was making me unwell...though I might have to let myself be unwell again to prove it...

For seeing an 'On this day' from five years ago on Facebook reminding me what a staggering 'journey' I've been travelling on. For remembering apologising to someone who is irritated by that expression for using it once and him saying 'In your case it's allowed. You have been on one!' For also seeing someone else's exasperated post about a parcel non delivery and realising the way to contact DPD is by posting on their wall. Then you may get a response...eventually!

I give thanks an ETA message from my visitors gave me plenty of time to see if the new vacuum hose fitted and if so give the floors a once over...and that I did no such thing! For thinking to ask them in the first few minutes if they fancied having lunch at a favourite pub restaurant a couple of miles out of town up a twisty lane by the river...and that they did. I suspected (quite rightly) its friendly atmosphere, comfortable surroundings, tempting menu and views fine enough to have some appeal even on the murkiest chilliest Saturday would mean half the southern half of the county would also think to while away a chunk of the afternoon there and give thanks we could book ahead to get one of the last free lunchtime tables. I give thanks for filling in the lengthy wait for the most delicious food with hilariously inept selfies, amiable chatter and some of their fabulous range of non alcoholic drinks. And as we were too stuffed and too delayed for pudding (I was getting sore staying in one position and John and Jo had a long drive back) I give thanks for just rustling up a quick alcoholic dessert!

Better in than out

I give thanks for nearly going out last night. I'd been looking forward to it (Heavens I'd even put a spot of make up on!) and my handsome escort was certainly keen...but before we got round to leaving the building it became clear the vague malaise of the last few days and what I'd hoped might be butterflies in my tummy of happy anticipation was actually something that required sticking my head down a toilet. And if you must stick your head down a toilet it's much better if it's your own...

I give thanks this change of plan couldn't have been foisted on a better man and some joint pleasures could still be salvaged from the evening...including an Eagles retrospective and an amiable assault on that tricksy jigsaw puzzle.

After not sleeping well and, still feeling iffy, lying in bed doing nothing all day was appealing on many levels... but so was some bright sunshine, cold fresh air and exercise, and there were in town chores requiring attention too so I give thanks for gradually coaxing myself up and out. Though I didn't loiter apart from perching briefy on handy seats here and there I was sure I'd feel better for being outdoors and I did. I give thanks for happy chatty cab drivers and for walking twice as far in between than I thought I would, than I thought I could, aforementioned perching notwithstanding of course. Standing after walking is still very uncomfortable ha ha!

I give thanks this afternoon all the noisy folk were out for a while and then only the quietest one came back so I was able to do the sensible soothing thing of not opening the box with the new vacuum hose but lying under a fleecy throw watching documentaries and having a bit of a snooze now and then. I give thanks for the golden hour of day's last sunshine mellowing the acid yellow of the burgeoning mimosa blossoms. If only they'd stay still enough to get a decent photo!

Silence is golden

Um...ho hum...another day with paradise just outside the window. I give thanks for my beautiful views of a beautiful winter's day!

I give thanks for being offered an MRI appointemnt cancellation...and that the booking chap understood why I didn't want the slot either at 8.30 am some distance away. There is no kind of transport service, public or otherwise, available to get me there that early, and even if I had a car and licence I wouldn't be capable of driving at the mo. I also give great thanks he didn't say 'Don't you have anyone you could ask?' I hate it when people say that... I'm grateful there are people who do have this kind of kindliness of course, but those of us who don't don't need reminding how much more comfortable and convenient life might be if we did.

I give thanks for trying to pace myself with hurtful chores though how successful I have been remains to be seen of course. Usually by evening no matter how little I've done some parts of me wish I hadn't! I give thanks for a nice little snoozy meditate in a quiet interlude in the afternoon...

I give thanks for discovering I can turn the volume up much higher on my laptop than I normally have it, should I feel the need to make more noise than necessary when other people do. For some reason I had a yen to hear some late fifties/early sixties tracks that I suspect blended very badly with the thumpety thump radio station one of my neighbours prefers, from the way that kept getting louder too. Unsurprisingly I couldn't hear what was said but from the stamping around and raised voices that accompanied this crescendo...followed by a return to a more reasonable level it may have been some of her flatmates wanted a bit of hushing as well. Of course I turned my music down too...I wasn't doing it to annoy. If I'd wanted to do that I'd have turned my VERY loud stereo on!

I give thanks for the gilded hillside highlights before the sun went down. Just in case the Universe reads my blog and thinks my appreciation of the dual aspect here means I don't really want a much smaller lower flat in town...Of course I do because paradise would then be just outside my door!

Appy days

Having not felt right for a couple of days I give thanks for feeling a bit healthier this evening. Ill I deal with, obviously, whether I like it or not, but I'm an impatient patient with symptoms!

I give thanks for some goodly chunks of sleep last night and for some good bits in dreams...in one there was someone holding my hand and in another I was doing some exercises. Both felt very good! I give thanks for remembering to leave a light on low to stop me getting lost in the darkness of wakefulness in between.

I give thanks for finally surfacing to bright sunshine and for briefly thinking it would be nice to go out before remembering for me right now actually it would be nicer to avoid the difficulties and discomforts which tend to erode the pleasure, unless I have a subtly supportive enabler ot two. I give thanks for racking my brains for something I was able to do, and would like to do, home alone without moving too much and with supporting cast of neighbourly noises instead... and remembering there had been antipodean tennis going on for hours and I needed to get the hang of working the Eurosport Player before the matches got more interesting. It turned out there were some interesting matches to watch right then but the buffering was driving me nuts!

Supposing it would be worse on the app on my tablet, I gave a lot of thanks to discover it was actually much much better that way and is another pastime that can take place lying on my left side which I still have to do at intervals during the day to remain upright in between. I give thanks for discovering while this was going on John and Jo had been plotting an offer of a visit on Saturday and Colin tomorrow evening to enable time to pass more pleasantly...

I give thanks for doing some more physically demanding stuff this afternoon including processing laundry so a fresh load could dry at wide open sun filled windows and changing the shower light bulb - a fiddly task requiring both a firm balanced stance and manual dexterity, so a milestone in sciatic recovery as well as a little challenge for my stroke damaged arm and hand.

I give thanks for the pretty light after sundown... pink sky, blue sea and lime mimosa bright un for tje longest time.

Left and right

I'm grateful for having a jigsaw on the go so that after blogging yesterday I could sit and create some fragile temporary order in the chaos, and restore my mood a little. I was grateful to Rachel for driving over to give me acupuncture and food, and for making me a cup of tea as I sat at the puzzle so I felt extra nurtured too. I'm grateful Daryl had done most of the cooking so she could sit and put a few pieces together with me, a simple and soothing joint activity to accompany discussing the challenges we have surrounding needs left unmet, and trying to work out the right ways to proceed. 

I'm grateful a local radio was just that bit too loud to relax into my treatment, so I tried it with earplugs in and relaxed into it more than usual. 

I'm grateful for taking my earplugs out in the night to enjoy the quietness, while my unquiet body complained though gentle pushing of a Henry nozzle across a rug is permissible, vigorous and protracted wrestling with a broken one is not. For resolving to try to be less driven to try and fix the unfixable, to understand sometimes the right thing to do is to let everything be left to fall apart and fail. For thus resolving to attempt nothing today, even though of course I failed at that as well...

I'm grateful for the helpfulness of people in shops here and for someone I know a little from one stopping me in my grim determined laden trudge to offer me a hug. For taking a few minutes rest by the sea. For the neighbours becoming peaceful for a while after I got back. For receiving sad news when I was already sad...

I'm grateful for Tesco's Finest cauliflower cheese for tempting my jaded appetite, for my comforting quilt tempting me back to bed. I don't care if it's right or wrong... what's left of the day can do one!

Feel good fraction

I give thanks the day's been good in parts. For acknowledging and accepting my preference for parts that are good...and for finally, after much consideration, gleaning a few glimpses of gratitude to share.

I give thanks for feeling better physically. It's not all the time, but there are times when I actually forget all about my scaitic nerve altogether. That is wonderful, no ifs no buts or qualifying clauses.

I give thanks for being able to bustle about a bit with cleaning and so on this morning. For remembering, in a period I'd scheduled for rest and when the neighbours weren't being noisy, the Australian Open had started ...and for not having a tantrum when I realised there is no way to watch it on any non-subscription channels. I felt like having one at the frustration of a potential pleasure denied...but also felt rather annoyed with myself for minding. I try so hard not to have expectations and care about outcomes - not due to any Buddhist leanings but because so much of my life is about having to do without that which I'd really rather not, I'd really rather not care too much when I do.

Nonetheless, I still give a lot of thanks for finding an affordable offer on Eurosport Player! For the internet and earplugs and headphones and still believing somehow someday I'll get away from here...

I give thanks for appreciating the irony of getting up to get on with the last of the vacuuming and the hose breaking off in my hand. Attachments eh? Nothing but trouble they are! I give thanks I think I've found a fitting replacement on eBay at a price I can afford to squander if I'm wrong...that I'm cautiously optimistic by some means the package will make its way to my flat eventually, and the broken bit to a recycling facility one day.

I give thanks for the changing light on the sea and the trees as clouds come and go, the pretty tinted clouds after sunset and a gull wheeling on a thermal before darkness fell. And feeling rather sad this evening, I give thanks for remembering all things must pass...

Cake walk

I give thanks for an unexpectedly appetising tea made with some very unpromising looking leftovers. It was so appatising I ate a hearty portion of pudding as well!

I give thanks for remembering I still had half a Planet Earth and a 'making of' still to see. Watching/listening to Gordon Buchanon is always a joy, and some of the animal filming was stunning, but it was these structures that stole the show for me. Half a lifetime ago Singapore had my eyes out on stalks...time to go back I think (wish).
http://www.gardensbythebay.com.sg/en/attractions/supertree-grove/facts-and-figures.html

I give thanks for finding the first series of Shetland on Amazon Video. Only SD so not really doing the landscape justice but only £1.89, and some other aspects to enjoy, including those accents of course.

I give thanks for a surprising (and welcome) amount of sleep, and a restful morning with Captain Corelli's violin. Poetic licence obviously, he wasn't really a captain and isn't actually playing these pieces, but he is does do a damn fine twiddly bit and I'm always partial to a literary allusion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5ce15s4NYc

I give thanks for Mima driving me out to partake in a small amount of walking and a huge amount of excellent cake. At times I can move normally again now. They are short times but a source of much delight to me... and to experience one on a rather blustery damp day beside the sea was something for which I was exceedingly grateful.

Twinkle toes

I give thanks for a visit from Mima bringing my embarrassingly first world Waitrose staples like marinated tofu, unwaxed lemons and a Higgedy pie. She's a very good personal shopper and very good company too so I even rustled up some pastries for lunch and I was grateful for that as well...another little step back towards 'normal' (well my version anyway!)

I give thanks though I'm moving increasingly frequently and freely we're saving that for a short jaunt tomorrow. At least that's the plan... Even having a plan to go out for pleasure is something to be grateful for...I've been cooped up so much the last few months I swear I'm growing feathers! I give thanks despite the fact there's still plenty of pain, as long as I do plenty of sitting (or better still lying down) between the standing and walking,  it's more of the whimper than the wail variety now...

I give thanks for changing the batteries in the fairy lights. What's that? You took your deckies down last weekend? Ah, but these are houseplant fairy lights they can twinkle any time of year. I give thanks for thinking of having those instead of the usual sort in December.

The lighting on the wall

I give thanks for the bright full moon last night, the twinkling lights of shipping sheltering in the bay. That the troublesome terrier next door saved its howling for the sun...

For catching up on domestic tasks and snooziness...and trifle... 
And people...virtually...

I give thanks for watching gulls tap dancing on the grass outside instead of pinching chips. For the shadow plant appearing and disappearing on my wall...

That's it for today folks! Short, but sweetish here and there...

Less miserables

I was mystified when Laura rang me last night announcing 'Good news! Good news!' in a rather self satisfied way. I mean, I've heard a lot about the happy stuff going on in other people's lives over the last few days, and I'm grateful for their pleasure, and for their thinking to tell me about it, but she's a sensitive soul, she knows I feel lame and ashamed about not having glad tidings of my own to share, and this had almost the sound of a gloat. And then she revealed the reason she was pleased with herself was because she'd finished the cryptic crossword I'd put in her Christmas card (no hint buttons for her, ha ha!) and wanted to share the little epiphanies when she'd solved some of the clues. And then I felt rather self satisfied too as I realised I really had managed to create some enjoyment in someone else's life at a time there'd been so little in mine. Absolutely fabulously astonishing and I gave a lot of thanks for that...and even more when Jan said today she'd appreciated hers as well

I give thanks recently my wakefulness in the night has been more to do with being bored out of my unfortunately not so tiny mind as unbearable pain. The boredom that comes from physical limitation is painful too though in its way, and I give thanks the limitations aren't so bad I can't get up and get a cuppa in the night. I give thanks for the memories of adventures experienced, and allowing the occasional thought one day maybe more may be possible again. Not hopes, nor any kind of planning...they would seem far too risky ventures yet.

I give thanks for the cold rainy weather - no it didn't make me grateful to stay indoors, but it made still not being able to make it to bus stops and back to get to a hospital appointment a little less miserable making. On an intellectual level I am, of course, very grateful volunteer transport exists but for me personally being reliant on it creates a black hole into which all thankfulness in the surrounding hours is sucked. Dealing with issues regarding dependence and ill health is quite enough of a challenge without a hefty charge for enforced sedentary small talk too! Oh well, it's nice to have a change from listening to grumpy neighbours, to see a few different trees and patches of sky...

I give thanks for realising I was dragging my heels so much in moving towards going the image of a dog getting itself ready to go to the vet springing to mind! Also, though it may sound strange, for a spot of domestic drama requiring some vigorous physical intervention...because I found myself capable of the tasks involved and, though afterwards sore, I also also enjoyed the knowledge that I'd been able to do it at all.

I give thanks for making it through another difficult day, coming up with a few sharable things to say...and a plan to make the evening less miserable that includes a lot of hot water!

Piece by peace

I give thanks for listening to the wild wind in my wakefulness last night...and a bit of Bach baroqueness this morning to drown out less harmonious sounds. Then later when all the unharmonious sounds had ceased and I seemed to be home alone in both my block and the ones each side, for listening to the perfect peacefulness.

I give thanks for remembering, after Monday's curious episode, that I've said for years I want Basket Case played at my funeral...after Pachelbel's canon of course, as I love the way the two seem to demonstrate a major dichotomy in the entity that is me (but also because they don't - being actually just two workings of the same theme*) The plan has always been that I'd like people to dance like nobody's watching around my grave (not on it, it'll only be freshly dug and would soon become a very muddy mosh pit) but it dawned on me it would also be a fine way of checking I'm actually dead!

I give thanks for a few little opportunities to be useful in the last couple of days. Yesterday I suggested to a chilly shopkeeper surrounded by giftware that he used some of the bubblewrap I was sure some of the goods had been supplied in to put under his feet or seat - a trick I learnt as a market trader in a similar position. I was also able to take a bunch of registration forms to a woman hovering on the threshold of the doctor's surgery reception area with a dog she couldn't bring in. And today I completed a crossword for people who prefer their clues a little less convoluted...

http://crossword.info/happiness_squared/Veganuary

I give thanks for the third day in a row there has been a hint or two that my sciatica may be actually on the mend. The pain and immobility have always fluctuated but I've not had three days in a row before during which I've felt an easing of its grip, a sense that I might be beating it into submission. Same with that brown study jigsaw as well!

*hear here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDYBa-Hu0Gk)

First person singular

So I got up from posting yesterday's blog and went into the kitchen to find the evil twins of pain and depression waiting to do their worst - which of course they do much better together! And I sat with my head in my hands wondering 'What can I do to shift this?' - not a comfortable position for me to be in, physically of mentally. My commitment to non-attachment makes me so wary of dependency, reliance and neediness I can shy away from any way of meeting needs that requires outside input. What if it I ask and don't get? What if it doesn't help? What if it does help and I get used to it and it stops? I used to go for long walks or play my guitar to sort my head out, which would seem sensibly self sustaining forms of self nurturing... until changes in my body made them too hard to do to do much good. Attachment to independence and freedom can unfortunately become an addiction too...

So my laptop's in front of me and I wonder if some music might do the trick but my mind's a blank as to what to choose. I type in 'ska' on YouTube (Tony Songhurst would understand!) and the first track is 'Can't Get Used to Losing You'. Rhythm's fine but words are not...but it does make me think of 'Save it For Later' the first few bars of which are pretty much guaranteed to make me smile and has some passable lyrics. I need to hear it in better sound quality though so go and hunt down my Walkman (neighbours are quiet by now and don't want to get them started again)... But my Walkman is a fairly primitive device and as I'm scrolling down the albums I come to Dookie before The Very Best of the Beat, and have to play Basket Case instead - a simple ditty of the dangers of too much introspection with some of my favourite drumming ever. And the strangest thing happens... I start to dance... Dad dancing maybe but an energetic and healthy dad! The demons have gone, nothing hurts in any way...I am exuberantly, enthusiastically the me I can't stand losing, and my pent up frustrated energy has an outlet.

And the song ends and the pain comes back, and I get back to cooking tea. And Rachel comes and sees me hobbling around and says 'Still hurting?' and I say yes...but the strangest thing happened a while ago...

I give thanks for company and acupuncture, and the checking of my pulses showing this unexplained and unexpected buzzy wellness too. As if I've had my anaemia treatment, only I have not...

I give thanks for Stephy completing one of my cryptic crosswords. For nearly meeting someone for a cuppa today, realising I need cake as much as conversation and buying myself one from one of our special bakeries...while I'm out pottering about with more agility and stamina than I've had for months...still limping and slow and sore but more upright and able, and able to enjoy the experience to some degree.  As if I really am getting better at last...only I mustn't get too attached to that idea either! For town being very quiet so there were no queues to stand in, and when I sat on the seafront I could let out a chuckle of delight without receiving strange looks. The sun had gone in and the sky and sea might have seemed uninspiring but it felt as if there were some important shades of grey there...steely ones like me!

Night and day

I give thanks for physical mobility. It's so easy to forget what a wonderful thing that is when you can't move as much as you like or how you like or where or with whom you'd prefer to (and it all hurts anyway!) But I really am grateful I can still move around as much as I can and that last night, after trying unsuccessfully  to wriggle out of some really nasty pain and into sleep I could give up and get up and have tea and toast in the kitchen. I give thanks for electric radiators - easily turn off and onable! I give thanks for electricity, a kettle and a toaster, a tap with clean water, the ingredients and utensils to prepare the snack and, despite dietary restrictions, being 'allowed' to consume it...

I give thanks for finding a reasonably comfortable position to do some of that jigsaw. It was bought for its fascinating image of an antique doll's house, of a period and style not dissimilar to the original house where my flat is, but the colour palette is limited and some of the pieces have a very similar pattern and shape so that even though I've only done the edge and a small part of middle I've already gone wrong twice. This is unheard of! I give thanks for reminding myself I could just be getting old...but not a tremendous amount! Having had my vigor and virtuosity wrestled from me way too early I have a lot of compassion for those dealing with the diminishment of faculties with age...but it's supposed to be part of the deal that I don't get that, right?

And while I was sitting there scrabbling about for bits of pictures stuck on board, and tissues (I was very sad) I got to giving thanks for how loving I am. So many sorrows and hardships in my life come down to how loved I'm not...but that's not the same thing. Goodwill and kindheartedness are easier to give if they're received, for sure but they're not really goodwill and kindheartedness if they're dependent on it.

I give thanks for eventually getting some sleep before morning. For the neighbours being out for some of the day... though not for the bit I fancied a catch up nap in unfortunately! They are quite scarily cross this afternoon, and though I know they're not shouting at me it does make me edgy and and disconcerted hearing it. For Jan promising to have a look at my puzzles...For Rachel saying she'll bring me a pint of milk. For the mimosa buds beginning to brighten, for the sound of the rain on the window and the wind whistling through the bare trees. For being strangely wonderfully comfortable curled up writing this...which is why I'm posting early...sharing a happy moment virtually is better than not sharing at all.

What angelinthemaking did next

Running somewhat behind the rest of you, I designated my 'new year' would begin today and I'm starting a new blog! It's called todaywasntallaboutsciatica... click here for a link

No, not really, perish the thought! It is the bane of gratitude and I wouldn't want to share grumbles more than I do. It already feels as if tales from last straw saloon are failing to raise oxytocin levels the way I wanted them to be, but I don't want to give up blogging or slogging along with a project that was supposed to demonstrate how little joys could be found in the midst of great struggles and sorrows.

I give thanks I do have a new link to share though. I've taken the 'happiness squared' part of the self imposed remit and have been spending my extra idling hours compiling crossword puzzles to while away a few minutes of other people's. There are some of them here...
http://crossword.info/happiness_squared

Unless you're one of those folk for whom spelling is a mystery and this would be a torture please have a look...and if you, or anyone you know, is partial to word play or vocabulary flexing I would be grateful for feedback. Tuts and groans are usually part of the solver's perverse pleasure but hurling across the room in disgust is to be avoided if at all possible, especially if you're doing them on a precious phone or tablet (there's a PDF link to print each one if you think this may be a risk!) Messing about with crosswords I've done before but web publishing is a whole new area and I've tried to make the applet experience as easy on the eye and fingers as possible within my limitations, but if you've any opinions on the features or design then I'd be happy to hear those too...

Best of all I've been enjoying creating themed puzzles and have done a couple for friends where some of the answers have specific significance to them, and a unique wordsearch that Bob really enjoyed. If you're interested in something bespoke for a website, newsletter, teaching aid, fundraiser or an unusual gift let me know. They don't have to be cryptic or tricky though obviously it's more occupation for my wandering mind if they are!

Anyway, back to my normal gratitiudes for the day. I give thanks for the sunlight bright on the sea when I opened my curtains this morning, the profusion of pretty little puffs of cloud. For more of that homemade soup - very nice if I do say so myself. Well it's always good if someone does! For sorting out a bag of old clothes to go to the recycling bins next time I get an offer I can't refuse (pun intended) and for performing some unneeded and unheeded 'beauty' routines (poetic licence this time) because though it's mostly sensible to remember they don't matter, sometimes it's clever to pretend they do...

Schrodinger's human

I can see why solitary confinement's a punishment, an excess of enforced stillness and isolation, pain and disturbed sleep can take your mind to some dark old places for sure. It can affect your sense of self worth...and easily drift into issues regarding sense of self per se. Tree falling in the forest kind of thing... If you're not moving are you doing anything? If you're not doing anything are you being? If no one sees you are you there? If no one's listening why are you even sharing your thoughts, ha ha! Goodness knows! May you all live long and healthy and enriching lives and never have to concern yourself with this stuff... But bearing it in mind I give thanks for Bob making me feel I'm still worth planning to visit even if the usual entertainment and hospitality might be in short supply.

I give thanks for moving a lot in my dreams... Lots of adventures making a film! For receiving some favourite chocolate...and hearing some sent had been received (both belated Christmas gifts). For remembering to share happy stuff on social media in case anyone needs something to make then smile more than me. For remembering to be compassionate towards overheard unhappy humans...and dogs!

I give thanks for using my daytime mobility in measured instalments making some soup and managing to get the kitchen and living room relatively tidy and clean. Don't get me started on the philosophy of housework, especially when you spend most of your time home alone...I just know if I feel stuck inside a box it's better if it's not too messy. Um...gosh...this is hard today...I give thanks I've tried? Yep, definitely...I give thanks I've tried to be grateful.

Try to remember

Plan A was to get up and get out early today, as there were a couple of things I had to do in town and I'm usually more mobile and pain free in the mornings...but this morning, after a bad sad night, even getting to the kitchen for my cuppa was really more than I'd do if I didn't have to. I give thanks I spotted the mother ship coming into land when I opened the curtains though, and could hover on one leg long enough to take a snap.

I'm grateful I had a plan A anyway...and that I was already feeling defeated before I rang the Radiology Appointments Office to book my MRI, as when I did the myth of the four to six weeks wait was busted with the news they had nothing for the visible future (at least a couple of months) and would get back to me. 'Are you planning to go anywhere?' enquired the man on the other end of the line and I burst into tears as the last of the tether slipped through my fingers explaining how impossible that was. I give thanks for trying to be quiet and polite about it of course... And with the gentleman who called me later to ask me when the scan was booked for so they could schedule a follow up 'about two weeks' later. Twelfth of Never this post should maybe have been called...

I give thanks for reminding myself it doesn't matter if I feel I cannot cope with this...I have to anyway. And for checking out the feasibility of 'going private', there isn't any but it was healthy to feel for a moment I might be able to do something to help myself.

I give thanks for a mercy mission from Mima whisking me to the big recycling bins, Post Office and supermarket. It wasn't just practically useful but also socially as it's been a couple of weeks now since I had any face to face contact with anyone whose face I know, and half an hour or so being with a human did me good too.

I give thanks for spending most of the afternoon on the sofa watching catch up TV...which goes against so many grains I'm surprised I didn't produce a bag of flour in the process but which was a little bit comfortable, a little bit warm and, as long as I kept my headphones on, a little bit of respite from the bickering, stamping neighbours. I give thanks for listening to them reminding me when you can't do anything to change a physical situation you can still adapt your state of mind. I should be really good at this by now with all the practice I've had, so I guess I just have to try harder...and try harder not to be so hard on myself when I fail. Inside I'm not just dancing, I'm doing the best that I can...

Dear diary

I give thanks for a wonderful treat I'd been saving - Alan Bennett's diaries on TV! Not only do you get to hear some of the dear man's moving and amusing words, read in his comforting as cocoa and mittens voice, but there are images of the places and people he talks about and snatches of the music that stirs his soul. He writes about these in his books of course but much of it is unknown to me so I couldn't auralise it (Is auralise a word? You know what I mean anyhow...) Now I can hear why he enjoys it so... I give thanks for my headphones to muffle sounds of unenjoyment (as above!) nearby, and for remembering to feel faintly guilty at laughing long and loud at a QIXL episode afterwards. For remembering an Eve's pudding in the oven just in time to stop it becoming more than bronzed!

Much beset by pain last night sleep was hard to come by, so I give thanks the day's rumbling rows fizzled out during the afternoon and I could have a snooze after making a dent in the backlog of chores. For the day's row with the printer ending in a truce and the most pressing paperwork done.

I give thanks for watching a documentary blending black and white photography of slum living in the UK from fifty or so years ago with glimpses of the lives of the 'hidden' homeless today...partly because I love black and white urban photography, and partly because sometimes I need to be reminded how lucky I am. Pretty much everyone I know personally is so much higher on the social ladder than I am, and though I don't intend to compare there's a level at which it's inevitable one is aware of lack and failure, and the fear of slipping down the last couple of rungs is always there.

I give thanks for pretty light this morning...for my hearty appetite and for somehow finding ways to feed it.  For opening another Christmas present...a book that looks good unopened (pretty cover) and looks as if I'll enjoy reading it. For having my blog to remind me to be grateful...especially on days when it's hard.

Lessons in love

While others set themselves the challenge of Dry January, I give thanks for adapting the trend and purchasing a small bottle of dry oloroso sherry to combat the doloroso. As the units in which I consume alcohol are (literally) sips I think this can be counted as self care...and I give thanks for plenty of nearby reminders how easily this assumption can descend into deluded over consumption and to keep myself in check.

It may be coincidence, but I give thanks for becoming relaxed and dozy after tea so that I was soon tucked up in bed and starting to snore in spite of being so sore. For sleeping well and long, and being relatively nimble and energetic today. Queue quip: If you have a relative as nimble and energetic as I am you should maybe persuade them to get medical attention ;-)

Despite a tasty lentil curry and rice last night I'm not trying a month as a vegan either, and I give thanks for Welsh rarebit for lunch... and afternoon tea! No of course it's not just cheese on toast...how could you think such a thing? I give thanks for the recycling bins being emptied on the scheduled day and carting down two big waiting bagfuls to tip in them before they fill up again. For creating a puzzle to send to my incarcerated penfriend.  For having a bit of a sort and tidy and coming across a lost book of stamps... and thus deciding it would certainly be cheaper, and possibly even quicker to write to a government department than wait for them to answer the phone...

In addition to this amusement I  give thanks for having a muse. A good friend is going to their mother's funeral tomorrow. It's that time of life for many I guess, and it always sets me thinking as although I was long estranged from my mother when she died and didn't hear in time to even consider going to go to her funeral, it still moved me deeply to learn of her passing. I've also been writing today to a lady with children older than me who I met in hospital and who, if the doctors are to be believed, may not be with us for long. She is one of those precious mother aged women I've encountered who remind me I would have been a perfectly acceptable daughter if I'd just been accepted as perfect in my own way. I'm grateful for their kindness and tolerance and appreciation, their walking with me a while on life's path. And I give thanks somehow as I've stumbled along it I've managed to get the hang of loving unconditionally... including myself of course!

Night swimming

Last night was the oposite of the one before and I don't recall even the tiniest bit of gratitude anywhere. I didn't open anything except my mouth except to utter expletives, and although I was dimly aware I had blessings they all seemed in heavy disguise. Shame on me! I did try a bit of light breast stroke supine on my bed (I've heard that swimming is good for stretching out the nerve knots but lack a pool or the ability to easily lie on my tummy) and that sort of made me smile a bit at the desperation of the ludicrous situation, but it didn't stop the hurting.

This morning I was grateful when the shower light bulb blew and didn't blow the lighting circuit, as I sure as heck don't feel like going up ladders just now. I don't feel this is quite the time for balancing on the sides of the bath with my arms above my head either so it'll be dusky ablutions for a while with maybe a candle if I keep my hair out of the way... I gave thanks for the instructions on a water filter replacement cartridge which suggested you use the water from the first two flushings to water the plants. I've always wondered about that...

I give thanks for getting to my spinal assessment, remaining chipper and not uttering any expletives when I was made to do painful things, and hear the possibility (I'm aware of) that there could be a tumour spoken out loud, though the general conclusion is that it's fairly standard L4-L5 stuff and an MRI is needed to confirm. No, what got me was the information that there's a 4 - 6 week wait for this... that brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat and I could hardly speak for disappointment.

There was quite a long wait for a taxi when I escaped. I was grateful I remembered to feel sorry for the woman, she must see so much distress when she tells agonised people they just have to carry on being agonised for now... but mostly I just felt sorry for myself and was trying really hard not to start snivelling in the entrance corridor. So I gave thanks I discovered free WiFi there (unlike some establishments I visit, ahem!) and look for distraction which I found in a random message from Colin not long arrived, so I could have a bleat back. I don't mind always having to go to consultations and procedures on my own but sometimes, just like any other patient, I have feelings I wish to express before or afterwards that are not for the ears of strangers.

I give thanks for the sunshine anyway, the blue sky and sea, and for sorting out some paperwork of both the literal and virtual kind. I give thanks for making light of the situation later on social media, making other people smile... For an online natter with Jan, and kind offer from Liz. For buying myself a new calendar with pictures of scenery and vowing somehow to find something to write on it soon that's not a bleeping medical appointment. I give thanks I know it's good to live in the present...but something in the future to look forward to would do me good in the present too!

Good thing

I give thanks for the good thing that happened last night - for a while I became a person suffering considerable pain instead of an inconceivable pain with a person submerged underneath. In and of itself this was a wonderful thing of course, but there were extra extrinsic benefits - I could move enough to put together and put away a simple but substantial two course meal and open a couple of Christmas gifts, plus stay still enough to enjoy a most pleasing Almodovar-esque episode of Inspector Borowski...and even afterwards sleep! Oh, so much gratitude there just for a bit of what passes for normal life...

Today I've been grateful for the sunshine, especially for those who can be outside in it, maybe still on holiday, maybe going to or about their work. I've been grateful for trying to appreciate my insideness...tough call because I really don't want to give up and get used to it, but it would be better to be better at accepting it while I must. I give thanks for the comforts of my home, the (to me) pleasing arrangements of colours and shapes, a few useful goods and appliances here and there. I give thanks for getting some laundry done and the sun thawed air coming through the south facing windows to give it a bit of a dry. For the light on the trees and white painted houses on the north side of the building, that also face south of course. For the smell and smoothness of clean bedding. For being able to lie on my bed even if I've not made it and wait til the pain subsides before moving on to the next stage.

I give thanks for the look on faces of people who've had sciatica (in this case the Tesco driver) when I tell them I can't take NSAIDs. I stop feeling a weak and feeble being and remember I am actually tougher than most folk can even begin to imagine.

Believe me

I give thanks for my dream worlds. As real life's become increasingly isolated and nightmarish lately they're fuelled by what I've read and watched, and I wake up often unable to work out what's true or not. Sometimes I give thanks for that to be honest! And for being reminded how easily what we believe is happiness is often actually just that - what we believe to be true. Religiously, romantically, politically, financially...the whole kit and caboodle...

One of the things that some of the people believe to be true at the moment is that we are in a 'new year', so I've been having some thoughts about that too. This time in the 'old' one I was writing poems and planning to 'live differently' and in retrospect I think I did OK at that within my limited means. There were times within its duration I was so happy I thought I'd burst...so sad I thought I'd break...but somehow I didn't, though I seem to have ended up in pieces anyway, just disembodied pixels and pain. In general I give thanks I'm surviving of course but survival of the unfittest is not fun...Well, it's not all bad. As I couldn't sleep til the small hours I ended up exchanging a few virtual words with a couple of folk, a bit of a 'new year' novelty for me.

I give thanks to Mima for offering to take me out for a cuppa today...and for being sensible enough to decline as without Scotty to beam me up and dressed and sparkle me down into the passenger seat of her car it would have hurt more than it would have healed. I give thanks I did get up and washed and dressed eventually though as I was determined to be so to start opening those delayed prezzies. I give thanks deferring pleasure is a particular skill of mine. Pretty handy at the mo, you know?

No photos this time...but for everyone else for whom 2017 has not started in quite the happy way they might have hoped, an observation that made even grumpy old me smile during an online grocery shop. For so long so immobile for all practical purposes I'm running low on the kind of toiletries I prefer and wondered if Tesco had any shampoo I'd care to use. As you might have noticed if you've met me, I'm not up on beauty trends, so I was surprised to see a range of Brazilian hair care...and even more so at how big the bottles were!