Not lost soles

Coming home on the bus yesterday afternoon I was gratefully thinking of all the possibilities of other places I could maybe go, arrangements with friends I could make etc...but when the pain set in later so did a more realistic view. I did too much when it didn't hurt too much and the aftermath's been hard.

I give thanks for managing to stay more or less upright for a little companionable jigsawing and a bowl of post blood test ice cream...and for eventually getting to sleep despite a lot of sadness and soreness and my Mother's Day gift of a bit of a cough and cold! Waking up late with no inclination to move at all and make anything worse than it was, I gave a lot of thanks for it being one of those most unusual days when Bob woke earlier and was amenable to the bringing of a cup of tea to my bedside without prompting, cajoling or even being asked at all (well not out loud anyhow). Mums (and some dads) everywhere know this is a rare and precious thing and will rejoice on my behalf I'm sure!

I give thanks for a bemused but very pleasant and helpful man calling and asking if I'd ordered some size 4 grey baseball boots recently because a pair had turned up in another part of town addressed to him but with my details also. I give thanks that one day we might meet and I might receive said footwear!

I give thanks for having the kind of sliced bread I don't usually eat in the house because it inspired me to make fried egg sandwiches for brunch, and that after this, and paracetamol, washing my hair and generally kicking myself up the proverbial, I managed one last burst of essential walking about, waving Bob off from a taxi at the station and doing my in town chores...and that though it hurt, a lot, it wasn't unbearable...which is particularly handy as I'd have had to bear it anyway. Maybe all is not lost, maybe I am getting somewhere...it's just such a slow low road to be on sometimes it's really hard to tell.

I give thanks for that Snow Patrol song playing in the little sandwich shop when I went to get my takeaway tea and stare at the sea for a while and just forget the world... I'm such a dreary teary weary thing this evening I give thanks on the whole, apart from my blog, the world largely forgets about me!

Tracks of my years

I give thanks for talking last night to a lovely man I'd never met about a lovely lady I'd never met...though I learned I will now never do so. We'd all known for a while she was on her final journey but, as is often the way in these situations, the end of it came unexpectedly and with a sense of being unprepared for those left behind, though I believe she herself was ready to go and wouldn't have wanted to linger much longer losing her precious independence.

I'd known her in virtual world for longer than I've known some of the 'real' people reading this...longer than I've been writing here, 'meeting' her when I was as far, as I knew, on that final journey myself and though we never did more than exchange cards and messages and the occasional gift over the years, we planned to get together several times. I give thanks for the privilege of being counted among her friends, and the courtesy and consideration of her son.

After a painful night and morning, I give thanks for still managing the first train journey for many months, numerous bus rides and what felt like (but clearly wasn't) miles of walking too. I give thanks for the wherewithal to pay for cabs where none of the above were possible, and to buy lunch and tea so I didn't have to cook as well... Where did we go? Oh just into the city for one of my hospital appointments that despite the hassle couldn't be postponed without a whole lot more and so Bob could check out charity shops for money making bargains.

I give thanks for all the scenery I've not seen for such a long while...especially seeing the blossom and buds opening into leaves...

I give thanks for finding enough energy to and a clean mug to make myself a cuppa to have with my chips, and a little nap to keep me going for the pile of washing up and the pail of roof leak water I must attend to in a min! Do I really have to get out of bed again? Ouch! That seems most unfair...

Christmas crackers

Warning: Vegan discretion is advised

I give thanks Bob and I are having a sort of delayed Christmas day today. For him cooking a late great breakfast including probably the nicest bacon and sausage I've ever had! I'm very proud of having chosen them myself and, though I rail against over packaging, I give thanks that the products came ready wrapped as when I tried to be carnivorous in my youth I had to stand outside the butcher's and take a deep breath so I didn't have to inhale any air while I was in there and what seemed a ghastly smell! These particular products had labels that said things like 'organic', 'free range' and 'special offer' - all pretty good pointers as far as flavour is concerned I find!

I give thanks I abandoned the idea of the idea of joining him for the traditional seasonal walk as I'm a bit sore and have to save myself for tomorrow's excursion...but that so far I've been able to move around in a fairly hospitable manner. I give thanks for some good catch up chat, and also a bit of an online natter with absent friends. For a good curry medley last night with a bit of Red Dwarf and five different kinds of crackers awaiting six different types of cheese! It's good to assuage ones appetites now and then...

Go on then

I give thanks to Rachel for trying to needle my niggledness away... though the bright long evening just kept creating more as I longed to be able to just go out without a major logistical conundrum/risk assessment regarding movement and pain. I'm not stupid, I know it's stupid to get cross or cry about my inexorably slow return to mobility but increasingly I do because the longer it goes on the harder it is to tolerate.

I give thanks things are improving, I'm even going to try to get to my next hospital appointment and back mostly by public transport...but, though it might seem ungrateful not to be excited at this obvious progress, to someone suffering from the vex factor the thought of the excursion doesn't quite hit the spot as regards travel, action and adventure!

Oh well, I give thanks for focusing my mind on thinking up some cryptic crossword clues...that really does keep a lot of brain cells occupied! For planning what else I can sort out and clear out for charity or recycling and how to get said stuff to appropriate places...it's one thing that keeps me going, keeping getting ready to go...

I give thanks for sorting out some unwanted sheet music and coming across Crown of Roses which finally managed to oust the insistent Always Sad from my head for a while*. Crown of Roses might not be the most joyful ditty Tchaikovsky ever produced but we don't want lyrics about lost and incomparable lovers running all around our brains for days on end, do we? Oops, if I'm not careful there'll be a song about cocaine in there instead. I give thanks for the most ecelectic music station in the universe ever...broadcasting in my head! And for youtube of course... who remembers Jackson Browne this young? I don't that's for sure...nice bit of country fiddle though!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKaM_FIAnNU

I give thanks the exasperating saga of downstairs door abuse means though we are currently without glass in two of the windows, the lock can thus be opened by simply putting one's hand through the aperture and turning the catch...so less going downstairs to let people in.

I give thanks Bob is on his way and can soon take advantage of this facility...

* Imee Ooi's Om Mani Padme Hum finally did it...I think!

Damage and Joy

Well, I'm still in a strange old mood today so I'm racking my brains for what to say... I'm weary but with a kind of desperate restlessness, probably partly due to it feeling like spring and having had to lie down for most of autumn and winter. It's frustrating and I know there's nothing I can do but be grateful for what I've got and not wish for what I haven't...but shucks sometimes it's hard...

I give thanks for doing what needed to be done about the place.  For not being in too much pain while I did it.

I give thanks for being able to lose myself in a novel and find myself on a beach...with not too many people on it.  For the body boarders making for shore soon after I arrived to escape my evilly envious eye!

I give thanks for the sunlight on my face and on the water. For communing with my community, though my mouth kept running away with me and not putting things quite how it should...

For this album which seems to have set up home in my soul at the moment...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-Qeu-TUaOI

Am I missing something?

I give thanks for the pretty pastel sky yesterday evening. My mojo stalked off in a huff not long after, so I give thanks for burying earplugs into my ears, my nose in a book and my out of sorts self under the covers on the bed in the living room, intending to watch a film or something later on, but falling asleep instead. I give thanks for thus not noticing missing anything, not even a mojo or an hour.

I give thanks for another gloriously sunny day. It made me want to go out and play, and that made me sad because I can't, but I gave thanks for the joy of the people who can, and all the living growing things that need the warmth and light.

I give thanks for the pain being OK as long as I did nothing...that's something I suppose! For trying just to be still and not to mind...

I give thanks for having the windows wide open and hearing the sea, watching the walkers on the wall and beach on the web cam...for trying to immerse myself in the clarity of my memories of experiencing this...and not miss the experience itself...

I give thanks for turning on the TV to watch the race highlights and finding the dodgy signal of the last few days had turned into on screen messages to reset my router and box and retune...this was done with some trepidation, and resulted in missing the start of the program, but being able to watch the remainder in HD as I now have more of those channels!

I give thanks for trying not to think about mothers or Sundays...

Chain of events

I give thanks for a beautiful bright sunny morning, quiet mild too as far as I can tell from indoors though the trees are waving around a bit. It all looked very alluring through the window and via the seafront webcams, and I give thanks I had things to get on with inside or I might well have been lured and regretted it! I give thanks my back, bum and leg are feeling relatively OK considering I've done quite a bit of moving about in the last few days but last night they did wake me up and remind me not to push it!

Despite imagining just lying around reading books, I give thanks for being pretty rubbish at that and getting up to scrub the sink and draining board before using a rew rack for the washed up plates and pans, dyeing some pale but serviceable towels so they didn't feel overshadowed by new ones and cleaning the fridge ready for new food! Well, that's the other thing you're supposed to do with a springlike day isn't it (apart from go out and enjoy it!) and it was a good day to dye! (Sorry... had to be done, that one!)

I give for falling asleep during the F1 highlights, not because they were especially lowlights, but because often in the countless qualis and races I've watched over the years something comes unplugged from my brain shortly after the opening music ends and I drift off to the sound of roaring engines...maybe it's because they're so often after lunch! I give thanks for livening myself up still lying on the sofa watching some highlights from the 'age against the machine' line up at the 6 music festival afterwards. Them Scottish lads have still got it even though they're nearly as old as me...though I guess they always were! Two kinds of Chain in one afternoon eh?

I give thanks my home smells of garden...

I give thanks my black baseball boots are almost worn right out because that prompted me to find a charcoal pair half price in a sale. Charcoal eh? I know! Practically sophisticated...well, practical anyway!

Be and queue

I give thanks I think the thing I'm taking to help me sleep more soundly seems to be working. It is one's perception of these matters that counts after all! For waking finally fairly refreshed and not unfairly sore considering the amount of walking about and carrying stuff that went on yesterday.

I give thanks for a local Facebook poster for their morning videos of dog walking on the beach, just the thing to save me wanting to be there on a shivery day. For a bit of a lie in with three fruit marmalade on multi seed bread reading my book, which has moved on from murder to opium dens - very homely haha!

I give thanks to Mima for allowing herself to be treated to an early birthday lunch at one of my favourite tapas restaurants and good naturedly also allowing me to fit in a lot of collecting of items I've clicked on the way to and fro. Of couse we managed to fit in a bit of browsing and shopping for her too but although still reasonably mobile I sat out some of that in her comfy passenger seat and admired the view through the windscreen! I miss walking past hedgerows, especially as the seasons change, so parking by them is fine by me. I give thanks for spotting a small avalanche of clematis tumbling over a fence on the roadside too...but we were going too fast to snap that...

I give thanks for lolling about without too much purpose since I got home. Sometimes it's good to stop trying to do and simply be. For watching the light change as the clouds thin at last and a glimmer of sunshine presages better weather on the way. For not having anything planned for the weekend...but feeling maybe...possibly...I could do something if opportunity or inspiration arose...

Finally I give great thanks for all the kind responses to yesterday's post. Yes, I was angling for a bit of attention and recognition, but not without just cause I reckon...and it's nice to hear people appreciate that I'm still here!

Five years cheers

Five years ago today I had the operation they'd at first said it wasn't worth having...but in the end (as there hadn't been one) at last agreed actually in my case well maybe it was...

Last time I saw the surgeon he explained, quite reasonably, that as they'd had to throw away the rule book as regards predictions and prognosis for me, they weren't about to risk any more credibility by announcing anything like an all clear...but still it seems a significant milestone, and one that should be marked in some way other than by being quietly emotional about it at home alone. I've known people pass the date with fanfares...and others pass away before they got there...so when you read this please be stuck in the middle with me for a few moments and raise your glass or mug, or give me a mental hug!

It's been a twisty tricksy road I've been travelling on for so long. I give thanks for the people who started out with me but turned off along the route somewhere. They showed me how strong I am and there's no need to be needy... And I give thanks for the folk I've met while I've been trudging on for seeming to find something they could appreciate in journeying with me a while...You helped me remember you never know what's coming up around the bend. Oh and I give thanks for those who've stuck with me through it all of course...you guys are just awesome!

It's been the wettest day for a long long time but I've been feeling fitter than I have for a long long time so I give thanks I did the sensible thing and got a cab into town with a huge bag of stuff for a charity shop. And after that, even more thanks for sploshing around doing other useful odds and ends like buying a loaf of good bread and some wicked cookies, dripping all over prescription forms in the chemist and...drrrrrrrummmm rrrrrrrrolllll...I even went up to Waitrose and looked around a few aisles where I was able to pick up a couple of bargains including things for the big breakfast next week. I give thanks they have a free taxi phone there and that when I called to see how long one would be they said 'straight away'!

This may be one of those random one off days of wonder in the progress of my disgruntled discs...but as I'd been trying to think how I could celebrate still being alive being still and feeling rather sorry for myself, just being able to do something normal instead was quite a memorable treat. It wasn't pain free but there were bits when it hurt so little I forgot it did. I was very grateful indeed. And I give thanks for a message popping up when I got indoors as I just wanted to tell someone, you know?

I give thanks for wondering why one of my big boots were uncomfortable, taking them off expecting to find something stuck to my sock...and finding a penny inside the boot instead!

I give thanks my living room smells of dark hyacinths...I like their fragrance better than the pale...

I give thanks for the mad mid afternoon debauchery of cracking open two new packets of biscuits at the same time even though there's only me to eat them... Cheers folks!

Right moves

So...hmmm...what to say today?

I give thanks for not too much pain in the night and a just about acceptable amount of sleep...for waking up to a message I missed by turning my phone off early but which made me smile in the morning instead...

I give thanks I've been in quite a mellow mood despite quite a bit of unmellowness in the vicinity. For my painful bits being reasonably co-operative so that I've been able to get a few things done for the second day in a row...as in a few things over and above keeping clean and fed etc. That is such a lovely feeling, especially as I've such a huge backlog of over and above kind of things to do and a bit of sorting out can sort out more than the objects relocated! I also do like to be up and about getting on with activities even if it's only indoors, so I give thanks for both for the moving itself, and for that which I have moved...

I give thanks for a large late filling lunch with veg and rice and basil tofu. That stuff is the biz! For a fancy for, and the prospect of, something quite unsuitable for tea. That sometimes cooking for one is an undebateable joy!

I'm really not cut out to be an ouch potato, and pacing myself is not my forte but I give thanks for enough discomfort to remind me to stop now and then and get semi horizontal.

I give thanks for watching the weather change, and the colour change in the sea in the different light, and as the land is washed into it by the rain...

I give thanks for a bit of internet shopping for household items I've been keen to replace and for which Mima has kindly agreed to see that I am in the right places to collect on Friday.

It don't take much

I give thanks for the twinkly twilight zone of after acupuncture. It was Rachel's turn to provide tea and as she'd been too busy to cook she turned up with treats far less worthy and wholesome than usual - lush pizza, bagged salad... and, as she'd been in the bargain zone, filo for my freezer and panacotta for dessert. I'd never had panacotta and, just as I'd always suspected, never was far too long! And as she'd never had advocaat I initiated her tastebuds in return with a sip or two...

I was extremely grateful for all of the above, as well you might imagine, but perhaps most of all in a few days of feeling unusually cherished and nurtured, for her presenting me with a pretty basket of hyacinths announcing 'Happy Mother's Day! There's nothing to say you should only give things to your own mother...'

So what with all the niceness and needles, and thimbles full of alcohol soothing me, I gave thanks for falling asleep smoothly later on. I give thanks for getting some good rest for a few hours before the nasties started with such a vengeance, I put the light on and logged in to book a morning telcon to discuss trying a drug that's been known to help in similar cases and isn't contra-indicated in mine, apart from my natural disinclination to medicate.

I give thanks for listening to the birds and roads wake up and catching patches of zzzzs before the call. For (for once!) being pleased my kitchen window overlooks the recycling bins as I could see by the lengths a neighbour was going through to make his cardboard fit that there was no point in taking any more down to try.

I give thanks for the therapy of an hour or so going about my business in this superbly friendly and relaxed place. For the walking about part not being too uncomfortable either, though I did groan a bit when I realised I'd mistimed my visit to the pharmacy and would have to find something for me and my bags of shopping to do while the chap had his lunch, before going home for my own. Heavy clouds were gathering and a chill wind getting up, but by the time I'd been to my favourite takeaway tea place (of the many in the vicinity) and remembered a lemon roulade from our little patisserie had made its way into my bag earlier, the sun had come out again, and the wind dropped.

I gave thanks for a chat with the lady who served me about how we both are very easily moved to tears and the capacity for intense delight that seems to be the flipside...though that can also result in crying from happiness. Apparently we're both particularly susceptible to rainbows so I said maybe it's a kind of rainbow syndrome, as our personalities are caught between bright sunniness and downpours of tears...and she said 'Yeah and never finding the end!'

I give thanks for the stunning contrast of light picking out the grassy fields above red cliffs and white dotted lines of caravans in the distance set against the shades of grey...

For a little more oomph when I got home to grab cold pizza and rest before getting on with chores. For the bare branches, evergreens and bright budded ones seen from my window...and the sea, of course, waving at me...

I can see for smiles and smiles and...

I give thanks for all the people who've taken the time to comment lately on things they've seen on my blog. Your participation and appreciation is appreciated! I'm a woman with a mission to come up on your screens and make you smile - with apologies to the person whose profile that's adapted from. No, actually thanks to that person ha ha ;-) It makes me smile too when I know I've succeeded in some way.

That's what this is all about after all, that's why it began and why it carries on. In fact that should really be the response to the comment I hear most often which is 'I don't know how you do it!' I don't know how not to now!  I give thanks to Carol who showed me the way to set up on blogger in the beginning, and for all those who encouraged me at the start when not only was I facing up to the fact I'd been told I didn't have long to live, but also that the life I'd had had been a pretty lonely, luckless thing. I wanted to see if it were possible to make love out of nothing and make the world a warmer place without two human sticks to rub together, a furry friend, a hand to hold... And I give thanks I found out you can! Though of course if you can get your hands on a furry human to rub that is even warmer...

Meanwhile, back at the cold face of infirmity, I give thanks for spending as much of the morning as I dared catching up on the sleep that slipped from me during the night. For getting done the stuff on the must be done list with copious rests between to let sore bits recuperate. For the remarkably random nature of the pain, so that although for parts of the day I pretty much had to drag my leg behind me if I wanted to move from one room to the other, as moving the leg itself hurt too much to do... one time, after one short lie down, I stood up straight and could walk about comfortably and normally for a while. I give thanks this was just before Laura arrived to I could greet her and make a drink and so on without making a meal of it. I give thanks for the gift of her meal -  the most utterly excellent tartiflette! I had some for my lunch with a bit of purple sprouting. Heavens, it was good!

I give thanks for Bob booking his ticket to ride and that he's planning to be here for a couple of days next week. For him finally deciding what he'd like for Christmas and it being exactly what I'd thought to give him but thought I'd better check. For us both feeling pretty smiley about it.

Every piggy tells a story

The pain was very painy last night, and the neighbours rather too, but I give thanks for being woken up by both at the same time...and after a while of being a bit cross about her upstairs being so cross at two am, by three it was quite amusing as I could hear her literally pacing round the room. Didn't think anyone actually did that outside of Victorian melodrama...wonder if she sees a red mist too? Poor thing, she was kicking off again later this morning with so much screaming and smashing of things it crossed my mind to get out of bed and record it to play to visitors who say to me (as if I'm under some strange kind of delusion) 'I've never heard a thing from upstairs!' I give thanks I couldn't be bothered though because it seems a bit mean and mocking somehow...

Anyway, talking of forbearance and forbears, I give thanks for the fascinating and very readable 'Inventing the Victorians' which was mentioned as a source of information in the Essex Serpent - also highly recommended! They seem to have got up to far more than we may have been led to believe...and in many ways we tend to think we invented!

I give thanks my carnivorous cravings have been subdued for now and for conceving of and producing a sort of vegetarian chicken soup in the slow cooker, made with Quorn pieces, broth mix and odds and ends of celery, sweet potato etc.

I give thanks Bob the breakfast maker has confirmed he will be here before the month is out... and by one of those random cosmic interventions that please me so, Laura rang earlier and said (among other things obviously) 'I'm making a tartiflette, would you like me to make a little one for you and would you like bacon in it?'

Oh and for anyone still wondering... the second toe is the one you tweak on children's feet and say 'This little piggy stayed at home'. This little piggy stayed at home again today, dreamt of going to market funnily enough (though as a stall holder not a commodity), ate lots and lots of food...and, though the pain continued to be pretty dreadful for much of the day, managed not to be too dread full and dreary about it. For that she was truly thankful!

Second toe

I give thanks for making myself laugh this morning trying to work out the least painful way to get to the kitchen for a cup of tea and deciding air ambulance hoisting me out through the bedroom window and in through the kitchen one might do the trick. Later on, getting hungry and needing to make the journey again I realised if they could just lower an insulated box down with hot food and drink I could just lean out of the window and grab it!

I had a most unusual craving for a non veggie cooked breakfast and realised it's been well over a year since the organically fatted pigs were brought out to celebrate a visit from Bob, which is usually the one time I have one as I can't bear to actually cook meat myself! I give thanks there are rumours he may be on his way to oblige in the not too distant future...

No matter how little I tried to do the hurting just got worse and worse yesterday, but I gave thanks after a lot of unwanted wakefulness through it on previous nights eventually some kind of internal override system kicked in and I slept for more than twelve hours, not continuously but in closely enough connected chunks to be of real healing benefit to the rest of my body if not the squishy discs and narky nerves. I do feel better for it, though the pain's been no better.

Obviously there's not been a lot of obvious opportunity for delight since last I posted but I give thanks for managing to keep mostly in reasonably good humour, for making some passable pasta and keeping on top of the washing up. I give thanks for a bit of colourful on line banter, for having a bit of a moment with this not so old video of an old favourite song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMVBP_0OOZY

I give thanks for thinking for a title for today's blog. They can be a bit obscure or cryptic sometimes but there's always a reason behind each choice, and after coming up with more than two thousand three hundred almost always different ones over several years of often rather similar days it's no wonder I get a kick out of still finding a fresh idea. Anyone else get it? I'd be grateful to hear if you do...

Donut be mistaken

I give thanks that Colin decided it was time we got round to sharing the long awaited donuts. Long awaited donuts? Yeah, it's a long story but the long lack of sharing them neither of us has forgotten... Though he did forget to pick them up at the supermarket on the way over yesterday evening! Actually I give thanks for that because the substitutes we got when we went back and couldn't find the sugar crisp ring ones we had in mind gave the impression if we had they'd have been disappointing, which would have been a shame after all that waiting... Still, I also give thanks for stuffing my face with a brick built cream filled one the way to my favourite pub you turn left for when you cross the river. The others along that road might also be lovely but it's the only one I know, and is really rather special with fine sea views by day and of lights on water at night. I give thanks for a ginger beer and and a lot of laughter valiantly tackling a tricky Guardian supplement quiz in its glorious slightly quirky surroundings...plus a glimpse of a fox on the grass where the edge of the carpark meets the golf course.

I give thanks for being also brought milk, tulips, an Easter Egg and a bottle of advocaat! That's a lot of bringing for one person arriving, certainly at my place anyway...but I don't mind broadening my experience to encompass a bit of pampering now and then! The advocaat is to build me up as though my appetite's pretty good and I am putting on weight again, the persistent pain and resulting lack of sleep are very debilitating. I'd never tried it before the good doctor suggested I should, but I looked it up on line and it was described as alcoholic custard, so I knew I wanted to!

Its many delights not withstanding, Plan A for yesterday had been to take it easy after Wednesday's activity had left my back and left leg so sore, so I give thanks for enjoyment outweighing my body's pleas for rest. On the other hand yesterday I could move normally for little patches here and there whereas today I've been in too much pain to manage anything much at all, so I give thanks the social opportunities came on a better day...

I give thanks for lying about on the sofa a lot pointing feebly at things for dear Jenny to tidy and clean. For snoozing, reading and watching TV...and smiling. For easy but pleasing things to eat. There are times, as you might imagine, when it crosses my mind to wonder what I might have done to deserve my lot. Do not be mistaken, this is not always a question posed in a negative kind of way....

Life on the broken road

I give thanks for Mima offering me a trip to the tip today. Partly because I had some things to go, and partly for the company and the chance to look out of moving windows!

I give thanks for being able to get washed and dressed and ready despite my left hand going into ludicrous spasms where the thumb kept rigidly fusing to the palm, and some pretty ferocious pain elsewhere. For the hand relaxing somewhat throughout the day so I could operate refreshments in public without any awkward mishaps, and the pleasant distraction of laughter and chat encouraging me to relax more about the pain that just stuck with me... For still remembering with fondness the wonderful feeling of Monday's respite and hanging on to the belief that it might come again one day...and stay...

I give thanks for receiving and reading my copy of A Life on the Open Road - some musings of John Treagood from many years' experience of verges and roundabouts. I read Laurie Lee's As I Walked Out at an impressionable age and still like to dream there's an alternative version of reality where static is an option and shackles are unbound... It's probably why I say camper van in approximately the same tone of voice as Homer Simpson says beer! Oh, well...I give thanks for finally tracking down a Joe Brown's Tibetan Traveller blouse in my size and in a sale after several weeks of searching. It's 'inspired by the colours of the sky at sunset in the Himalayas' (allegedly) so all I have to do it put it on, look in the mirror and imagine I am there...only if I were there I'd undoubtedly need a thermal vest and a cosy coat instead! Actually, joking aside, I give great thanks I persevered because I really do like it a lot, and sometimes when you acquire something after a long running yearning it doesn't bring as much pleasure with it as you thought it might.

I give thanks for a snoozy read back under the covers when I got home again. It wearies me so much this hurting, but at least I've been in better humour about it today. I do give thanks for that!

Sorting in

I give thanks for bath and bed and books. For dreams not too nice or too nasty...

I give thanks for waking up early raring to go. It's still a precious feeling even though being able to actually go anywhere is so rare... I give thanks for the happy hours when I can, either literally or through some great escape of distraction...

Today, not being one of those kinds of days, I gave thanks for the pain being manageable enough to manage to sort out more sorting out of cupboards and drawers, bags and boxes, not at the pace I'd prefer but with small noticeable progress being made here and there. I give thanks I like to think of this as 'packing'...Ah, the games we play with our own minds sometimes, never mind anyone else's!

I give thanks for finding my passport which, presumably in a fit of pique at only being taken out lately to wave at Click and Collect point proprietors, had made a desperate bid for freedom on its own. I give thanks for feeling fidgety until it turned up...though both planning and spontaneity are still out of the question the inner adventuress still has her eyes on the horizon hoping for some answers...

I give thanks that hunger drove me to stop for lunch, as when I tried to move again I could hardly do it all - not even my hands from all the manual paperwork 'shredding' - so, though the pain and disappointment were pretty miserable, I could see it was a good thing I hadn't carried on longer and made the situation worse...

Oh well, I give thanks (again) for bed and bath and books...especially small light paperback ones st the moment. I give thanks that Jenny collected and brought me a couple I'd reserved when she went to the library on Monday.

What the joker said to the thief

I give thanks for inviting Rachel to rummage through a bag of clothing on its way to a charity shop, and her finding it all of use... in fact some of it had been just what she'd just decided she needed! I love it when that kind of thing happens! For treatment and catch up chatter and being able to feel of use helping her with a project...

I give thanks for sorting out some more things for recycling or donation. It's a practical process that can help with feelings of encumbrance and being stuck...but goodness me we can have a lot of stuff about stuff can't we? Wouldn't it be good if there could be a row of bins somewhere where we could dispose of our surplus emotions?

I give thanks for thinking it would be nice to have something to look forward to amidst all this poignant looking back...and remembering even better would be to be better at not minding the present so much...

I give thanks for some leftover puff pastry and grated cheese lolling about in the fridge - just right for making some cheesy puffy whirly things to loll about on the sofa with afterwards after a particularly violent struggle with the recalcitrant cooker door. It's on a final warning for the next few days that cooker!

I give thanks for more grey and drear in the weather today. If it had been sunny I'd have loved to go out again but my back and bum and leg have been sore so I've been feeling pretty grey and drear myself...

See what you can do!

I give thanks for the enticing light early yesterday evening. I wished I had someone to say 'Hey, let's go out and play!' but then gave thanks I didn't because I'd have felt I ought to sort out my hair and put on some clean tidy clothes...and by then it would have been nightfall...

I give thanks for the bright moonlight shining on the sea later... That always gets to me!

I give thanks for the bright sunshine this morning, living up to a weather report I'd read last night that had suggested a mild and springlike day. I'd read it and wondered how I could get somewhere to enjoy it...thinking of buses and trains and destinations...and how very far away the bus stop and train station seem! And then I thought...why do you think you need to go anywhere, when you hardly go anywhere here these days? (Well, apart from the fact I love to travel as well as arrive!) So I started formulating a little plan...for if the weather seemed as good as promised and my mobility seemed promising after doing the morning chores...

And I give thanks for carrying it out! I got a taxi to the seafront cafe at the bottom of the hill, and took a takeaway tea to a favourite spot on some steps that just go up and down to see how far it is...then incrementally walked along the seafront to the Post Office, picked up mail and a bag of flour from the health food shop en route to the cab rank to come home. It wasn't without physical discomfort, but it wasn't physically distressing and to move that far (relatively, and relatively unassisted) was a such a balm for the soul!

I give thanks for the warmth of the sun on my face and forearms, for wriggle of my toes in baseball boots for the first time this year, the twinkle of sunlight on the tiny waves and most of all, best of all, for how it felt to 'throw a few things in a rucksack'!

Now what I have to do of course (apart from get on with making tea) is wait and see if some awful aftermath ensues or the start of some awfully big adventures...with equanimity! The equanimity might be beyond me to be honest. Please say prayers if that's your thing, cast spells, send metta, rub your magic lamps and make as many wishes as you can spare...

Check a count

So...hmm...I give thanks for going to bed last night in better spirits even though the pain was worse. I have to believe I'm one of the people for whom the first attempt at treatment works s-l-o-w-l-y because any other outcome (other than recovery speeding up) is unthinkable...as in I cannot bear to think of bearing the hundreds of hours and thousands of minutes between now and my follow up, let alone finding something else to try. 

On the other hand I give thanks I understand while belief can be a wonderfully enriching thing, counting on anything with blinkered faith can cost you dearly... I give thanks for all the people wishing me well, literally and metaphorically...

I give thanks after all that racking yesterday I came up with an idea - I made a tablecloth! I've not been able to contemplate using my sewing machine since all this started suspecting (quite rightly!) sitting in a chair would be uncomfortable enough, let alone trying to use the pedal. On the other hand I've not been able to face packing up all the unfinished makings and mendings around it, lifting and squishing it into a corner somewhere either...so today was both a valiant attempt and eventually an achievement even if it was just a bit of pinning and straight stitching. Do you know what was best of all though? For each little session (I split it up so as not to shock my body too much) I had this amazing feeling I wasn't stumbling along misguided miles in someone else's shoes. It felt like I was in my own body properly being me! This isn't unheard of nowadays...but still rare and precious and something to be most grateful for...

I give thanks for finishing that garlic laden soup I made with garlic bread I didn't on the side...after I'd taken the recycling out so as not to cause an environmentmental hazard in the neighbourhood! For fancying tarte tatin for dessert, realising I didn't have most of the most important stuff to make it including motivation and having chopped up apple mixed with toffee popcorn instead. I've had this before and can heartily recommend it as a sweet snack!

Moving parts

I give thanks for letting the tough cookie crumble last night. Just as some women might sigh with relief when they take off a restrictive bra or uncomfortable shoes, at times I need to to lay aside my layers of presentation - the brightness and the bravery, the gratitude and the fortitude, the humour and the 'How are you?'s and just have someone say 'Hey, it's OK! Relax, I got this for a while...' Could have done with it when I was five, could have done with it when I was fifteen...and even now I'm fifty and as much as you can be, and know there is no safety outside of your own head so it's pointless expecting anyone else to create the illusion for you, still, still...once in a while...there are days when I would love to come home to warm arms, a warm smile and a warm kettle!

I give thanks for a weary weep, a long sleep and a long dream of somewhere I used to live and someone who used to live there. For dreaming I saw the Northern Lights too...

I give thanks the pain's OK as long as I don't move around much, and that I'm OK with that as, much as I long to be up and away, I still haven't succeeded in getting my emotional armour back on, and am still wussy and easily moved to tears. So as out is still out, I give thanks for racking my brains for something different to do indoors I know to be useful or believe to be beautiful as Mr Morris might say, something my body and wallet will let me. And I give thanks that I'm still racking, ha ha! Gotta love a tryer eh?

I give thanks for tweaking my new easy cryptic crossword so I think it's ready for the local library. If anyone has time to sneak a peak for me and check it out with fresh eyes before I launch it on a wider audience I would be very grateful indeed. This request is also of course why I'm posting early and my tea's already nearly ready to eat. Nothing to do with being bored at all!

http://crossword.info/happiness_squared/FOTL1

I give thanks for discovering, with a yelp of delight, that Room is on TV later. It's a book and I've read it, and I film that I almost went to see and would very much still like to. It's largely about someone stuck in one small place so less of problem with character identification there perhaps than I sometimes have with adventure and romance!

Mood processor

Though I couldn't follow a story line, or carry on a conversation, I give thanks despite the out of control neighbours and pain I managed to enter a kind of zombie zone and get some food and sleep last night. I give thanks they were both going strong this morning so a) I didn't over sleep and could go through the processes necessary to prepare for my hospital appointment at a pace that didn't make the sore bits worse...and b) I could almost look forward to the afternoon's ordeals as a distraction!

I give thanks for making some tasty soup with various odds and ends of veg, lots of garlic, black pepper and fresh basil but no stock because stock's not allowed. For using my noisy food processor to blend it much earlier in the day than I normally would as it was clear from all the shouting, crashing about and vacuuming everyone in the neighbourhood was already wide awake! No, I'm not sure why vacuuming is part of their rows - I know they all smoke a lot so maybe they throw ashtrays around when they're cross?

I give thanks for sorting out various minor complications over transport to and from the hospital and being able to ride home with my legs up comfily and with a very interesting person to talk to. For the people involved in the process itself being very kind and soothing and helpful and that I could order my hot drink of choice beforehand to go with a biscuit after! For the usual brief stinginess of the local anaesthetic being followed by a warning the next bit could be slightly painful, and then hearing a request for a plaster because it was all done...and hadn't hurt at all! It'll be a few days at least before I know if it's going to work but as things have been hurting so much for so long, and all the travelling to and fro to get it attended to so difficult in so many ways, just not having it made worse was fine by me for now...

I give thanks for the changing views as the fog's swirled in and out throughout the day. For finally getting in the communal door after the key just twirled in the lock - I don't think the mechanism likes being banged as violently as it has been with each storming off in a huff! I give thanks for things currently being peaceful, for my eyelids drooping with relief and fatigue so that I'm tempted to risk a nap...but knowing it would be sensible to get those earplugs in first!

The six and the lame

Well I woke up in lots of pain this morning but I gave lots of thanks for that as I was having such a horrible nightmare reality was preferable for once...Also having a mostly immobilised day makes me dread less what I'm going out to do tomorrow.

I give thanks I can lie in bed enjoying The Swingers and not have to shuffle let alone swing! I'm more than half way through and am very impressed with the plot twists and turns so far... Also for Prime Suspect 1973. More period detail, yum yum! It's not that I have a particular thing about the 70s or hark to the past per se, but I love remembering forgotten stuff and this not only has visuals but a good vintage soundtrack too. I shall be humming My Lady D'Abanville and thinking about the exterior wood trim on Morris Travellers for some hours to come...

I give thanks for thinking I'd forgotten a cup of tea brewing by the kettle...getting there and realising I'd not actually poured the water onto the tea bag yet. I give thanks for tofu on toast. Not the Basilico this time but smoked with almonds and seseame seeds - more of a mouthful but no less of a mouthful! Never been a fan of tofu until I discovered the Taifan sort. I give thanks for Rachel initiating me and our local Waitrose stocking a couple of kinds.

I give thanks for finishing a good novel, suggesting sending it to Ann as it seemed something she might enjoy and her accepting my offer. We can have a book swap facility without living in the same county...or even ever having met! Thanks also for the local library friends group accepting another offer and keenly awaiting my first crossword for their page!

Sometimes what's worse than the hurting itself is the claustrophobia of physical restriction. When that's bad looking out of the windows can actually makes me cry because I can't be there myself. This probably sounds lame - I would have probably thought so before six months of being lame! I give thanks for forcing myself to look with my camera zoom to try and spot some little gem I get to see because I'm stuck indoors...and concentrate on trying to take a photo of it to stop the flow of tears. One sort of lame is enough!

E's are good!

I give thanks for an E, I certainly do! Obviously an A, B, C or D would have been better...but for an ancient property like this with high ceilings and no central heating or proper insulation an E is not that bad at all, especially as there's 'potential' to bring it further up the scale if you papered the walls with several layers of cash! What's that you say? EPC rating, duh! Whatever else could I mean?

Last night there was a lot of pain in my back/bum/leg but I remembered I'd been out walking about and carrying things, neither of which it approves of...and then I did iron some unavoidable items like cotton throws and tablecloths which it doesn't like much either... Oh and come to think about it vacuumed the (large) kitchen floor which I usually suffer from afterwards. Even some of the sitting downy bits I sat at the table doing a jigsaw and that's not always wise...so all in all I gave thanks for the done stuff and didn't mind so much the hurting it might have caused. And in fact after a busy day and a quick dip in the bath I was in bed and nodding off before it could catch up with me and I was very grateful for that!

I give thanks for finding an old Midsomer Murders I'd not seen before. They are quite undemanding yet often so droll. This one included a scene in which Barnaby #1 was watching an old 'adult' movie to check the chap who was being blackmailed for being in it in his youth hadn't contravened any contemporary laws. Of course we didn't see the film itself...just his expression as he watched..and that of his wife when she came in the room and leant over his shoulder.

I give thanks today the pain's been harsh but fair. Moving around for more than a few minutes makes it kick in, but lying down for a few minutes stops it kicking off. I give thanks for thinking to make feta pastries during one of the up and about bits partly because they're something that can be eaten more or less lying down...and partly because they're so delicious I've eaten so many of them I can't move for a while now anyway!

I give thanks for the neighbours being so quiet for so much of the last twenty four hours I've almost forgotten they're there. I do worry for their long term health choosing to opt out for so much of the day...but sadly I also like it when they do as it's so good for mine...

I give thanks Mr Tesco has been and my fridge and freezer are bulging with easy things to eat in case I feel even more laid up after Friday. Oh yes, and there's a cranberry and cashew nut loaf as well...might have room for some of that toasted with butter when I finally stir myself for the washing up!

Cold and spicy

I give thanks the book I'm reading is set in the seventies with lots of period detail. I'm always partial to some of that especially if I lived through the period in question and remember the detail myself! And yesterday evening I watched a compilation of clips of 'bad TV' from the same era which had me helpless with laughter at times so I give thanks for that as well.

I give thanks a combination of laziness and a craving for a lemon pudding led me to try out a microwave mug recipe for supper. Of course I didn't follow the recipe exactly (when do I ever?)...for one thing I got bored with grating lemon rind (you always get more on the grater than in the bowl don't you?) but I scraped out the sides of a marmalade jar that for all other intents and purposes was empty and that added an extra tang, and I was astonished by the pleasantness of the texture.

There's a bitter nip in the air today - not one of those times when I think I've left a heater on, but one when I think I've left a window open instead! I give thanks for many layers of clothing when moving and adding furry throws when still. For the thought of a hotwater bottle in reserve in case my feet (encased in winter tights and two pairs of socks!) don't start to warm up soon...or maybe taking some painkillers and getting on with the household chores? Hmm... Decisions, decisions!

I give thanks for getting thoroughly swathed before going out to hobble about for blood tests and essential shopping earlier. I think I give thanks for the deli man saying perhaps he could deliver and the taxi driver saying he'd healing hands and could come give me a massage...but to be honest to hear both remarks in the space of two minutes actually a felt a little bit odd...

I give thanks for chickpea and spinach curry tasty but so hot I had to keep putting it aside thinking I couldn't eat any more... But every time I took a bite of the tiny piece of also delicious chocolatey slice I'd allowed myself for dessert (the rest's in the freezer to save further sin) I fancied the curry again! Deconstructed chili chocolate I guess...

Cut and wetted

I give thanks last night the neighbours were so quiet I didn't need my earplugs in til I settled down to sleep (to be on the safe side). For the pain taking a back seat, and not constantly directing the driver!

I'm aware of course (of course!) of the correlation between discomfort and discontent...each one will aggravate the other, but equally if both are mild the effect is magnified and I can feel particularly mellow. I give thanks for this...

So hmm what to say about today? Well, I give thanks for more of the same...plus some different delights. For Colin refreshing parts I cannot reach (ie. changing that light bulb!), knowing exactly what I mean by 'good bread', bringing me some...and cutting it!

I give thanks for the extravagance of two baths in the same day... For the cheap thrills of laughter and sharing whatever's to hand...a good book...and a fish finger sandwich for tea!

Neighbourhood watch

Once, some years ago, I dreamt there was an earthquake and when I woke up I discovered there had been one, but very mild and at the far side of the next county so unlikely to be perceptible where I was at all. Last night I dreamt the bed was shaking and that I wondered 'What are the neighbours doing now? before realising it was an earthquake, but then in a more lucid phase I also realised I was dreaming, remembered what had happened before and resolved to check the news for seismic activity in the morning.

Forgot all about then of course, til I stumbled into the kitchen for breakfast stopping suddenly and trying to turn on the light to identify what was barring the path (still not changed the lighbulb obviously). A large picture had fallen off the wall, knocking over a few things on its way including a very tall plant in a heavy pot and a full cup of pens and pencils. I give thanks all this had somehow avoided upending one of the vases of daffs close by, and also waking me up!  Did wonder if anyone else had heard it though and thought 'What are the neighbours doing now?'  Later I discovered a moped lying on its side a couple of yards away from the door, from an unrelated incident presumably, but still one with rather pleasing coincidence (except to the moped owner I guess!)

I give thanks for my back being kinder today so I could walk about a bit more easily and enjoy a couple of hours out with Mima managing to dodge inclement weather but find well placed parking spots. For enjoying some fresh pastries and takeaway tea by the sea watching the changing colours and light as wind and rain and sun and clouds did their thing. I give thanks for 'five more minutes' sitting in the car at the point and during that time a whole new pattern appearing in the sky! (Yes, I added a touch of sepia tone to bring out the Grand Master bollowing biblical heavens effect!)

I give thanks for the ten feet that seemed to be constantly traipsing to and fro upstairs being still for a big chunk of the afternoon. For donning headphones anyway (so as not to wake them up) and immersing myself in unseemly suburban goings on in a Dutch drama called Swingers on All 4. I can imagine the kind of things you're imagining now...and yes, all that and more!

Local links

The folk upstairs don't get out much so I give thanks they went for a long walk yesteday...round and round above the living room, interspersed with some jumping up and down above the kitchen for that extra aerobic kick! I give thanks the cake I'd had earlier was so sweet (so sweet I couldn't finish it!) I was in danger of going hypo when I got home and after hastily cooking and eating some pasta with veg and cheese dozed off on the sofa for a while nonetheless... The pain had been so horrid for so much of the day it was wonderful to find a little cushion of curled up comfort and I gave thanks for staying in it long enough afterwards to be tickled by the commentator on Come Dine With Me and touched by a comment in a bit of online chat... And then I had to spoil it all by saying something stupid like 'Right! Time to go and do the washing up...' My back was not impressed, I've not known it quite so cross for a long time (and that's really saying something!) so after a very difficult night I give thanks for resolving to take it as easy as possible today...

I give thanks to Mima for offering to take me out, and sadly but sensibly declining...For breaking up the reclining for very important pastimes like whipping up a quick sauce for the leftover pasta with leeks, mushrooms, garlic and herb roule and pesto....and keeping on keeping on with that washing up!

I give thanks for the internet which, if you look at the right bits in the right way can be quite uplifting to spirits when the body must stay flat... I give thanks for finding John Treagood (a much loved traveller of the area who has spent half his eighty years on or camped beside local roads with his horse and wagon) now has his own Facebook page where you can read of the book that's been made of his journals.The happy conjuction of withdrawal from society and social connection in this pleases me deeply in many ways...and the book looks to be a good read too if his quips in this article are anything to go by!

http://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/traveller-john-treagood-on-the-mend-after-breaking-his-leg/story-29496352-detail/story.html

I give thanks for being tempted by a number of upcoming events around here in the classical music festival, including a performance by the much acclaimed Popup Opera almost as close to my doorstep as you can be and not be outside another private dwelling...but it's over the next two weekends and it would be a shame to buy a ticket and not be able to go, or go and wish I hadn't.

Oh well, I give thanks for seeing later in the month a pub in town is putting on a Motown for Mother's Day night. Commercial savviness means there's always an abundance of afternoon tea and lunch offers I get a bit peeved I can't take up, but you wouldn't need a mum or a handy child for that would you? Just a back that will let you at least do a bit of tapping your foot and hand jiving whilst sitting in a chair. Oh well, for now I give thanks though I'm mostly confined to lying down I can still move my eyes and mouth...Now what can I make for tea?

The blogger's egg

I give thanks for spotlights! Top marks for effort with the ladder and lightbulb manoeuvre but I need to cling on with one hand that close to the ceiling and far away from the walls, and need two to do the unscrewing and screwing so that will have to wait til there's a spare one around... I give thanks for Colin checking up on me and Jo laughing but both in a nice friendly way!

I give thanks for some variety in pain. Last night there were spasms almost like electric shocks in my leg which didn't make for a restful time but did make me chuckle as my whole body jerked like a dog having a very bad dream. I give thanks for sleeplets in between, and getting up for chamomile tea and toast and a Tunnocks wafer in between those! I'm not really supposed to eat Tunnock's wafers and planned to eat only part, but I was awake a very long time and couldn't resist the second half waiting fragrantly in its wrapper!

I give thanks for putting on some more toast in the late morning when I finally dragged myself out of bed, and being overcome with the urge for a boiled egg to go with it. They're so easy aren't they, boiled eggs, no trouble, no mess? You just pop them in the pan of water and while you're getting the other stuff ready they are getting done. Except I couldn't get all the other stuff ready as the eggcups had gone awol from all the places they might have been, even the ones Rachel might have put them in when she kindly does the drying up. Oh well, boiled egg on toast is fine, and the egg cools down while you're burning your fingers trying to get the shell off so you don't burn your mouth when you eat it!

Special thanks though to Jenny and Liz from choir for a most enjoyable couple of hours catch up of refreshments in a café I've not been to before, some very welcome chauffering to Waitress for essentials of (my) life and a little L'Occitane gift set just right for that next little mini-break I know I'm so overdue for!

I give thanks for dodging a hefty rain shower, but seeing the before and after colours of the sky and sea. For a missing prescription turning up, fulfilled and hiding in a corner of the pharmacy. For books and a jigsaw and Abernethy biscuits and Higgidy pies. What more can a woman want? Oh tons of stuff, but still good things to have in the meantime!

Edge to edge

Last night I gave thanks my moans of displeasure gave way to groans of delight as I ate creamy mashed potatoes made by Mr Tesco, Cumberland sausage made by Ms Quorn and fried onion, leeks and white cabbage made by me. It's one of my favourite combinations and I give thanks for remembering to buy the cabbage for a change! Ms me also made a delushious pudding with tinned pineapple and soaked dried cranberries, blueberries and cherries topped with sponge. Would have been even more delushious if they'd been soaked in rum instead of what was in the pineapple tin, but only just thought of that!

I give thanks for being awake, alert and available early enough for a booked phone call which was handy as all manner of unbooked ones came through beforehand too, far more than I normally have in a week let alone a day! I give thanks for far more door and window openings than I would normally expect as well from the EPC assessor who I'm sure would recommend not having an EPC assessor round as an energy saving measure!

It's been a difficult day in lots of ways, lots of stress and struggle and pain so I give great thanks one thing that turned out just the way I'd have chosen it to and a new jigsaw arrived at my door - at my flat door so no trip downstairs or down town required! It's a mouth watering picture of all manner of costume jewelry and pleases me a lot, not least because it fits on the jigsaw board which the last one I bought didn't and must wait til I have someone to help me complete it quick straight on top of the kitchen table. I also think it's going to be far easier than the last one I did (and far more colourful of course!)  I've only been at it a little while and have already done several chunks of the edge. Little things eh? Oh, I know but take care of the little things and it'll take your mind off the big ones you can't fix... Just need to talk myself into going up the big ladder to change a lightbulb and I could even do some more!

Back to back

I give thanks for trying to be kind to my back...but I'd have given even more if it had been kinder back! In fact from sacrum to shin just got meaner and meaner as day turned into night yesterday so I suppose I should give thanks I didn't mean to do much in the first place, and as it turned out it turned out way too sore for something I'd been sorely tempted to do instead.

I give thanks for managing to grab a bit of tea (no pancakes for me) and have a bit of a soak besides having a bit of whimper. I feel ashamed for being such a wimp but sometimes it hurts so remorselessly and relentlessly I can't help but cry, so I give thanks for there being no one here to see and get upset or exasperated. And I give thanks though I couldn't turn the the pain off at bedtime off I managed to turn my brain off over and over again and go back to sleep each time it woke me up. Big thanks for that!

I give thanks for having my nerve root block appointment confirmed along with some of the most comprehensive and comprehensible patient information I've seen. Bearing in mind I've read a lot of this stuff over the years, and helped write some too...so it is quite an accolade! I give thanks I've managed to organise transport including the sort I can lie down in on the way back if I feel the need!

I give thanks for putting out that all paperbacks bulletin as I've had to do a lot of lying down in the meantime and reading's been something to do. For the grey still weather most suitable for this, and the man and dog who've been living in the room above my bedroom being away for a while as this suits me far more than when they're here!

I give thanks by doing very little for a very long time I started to gradually be more comfortable and able to make narrow inroads into the vast multi-lane spaghetti junction of would-if-could-do stuff. Oh and for spotting the light and shade of clouds bringing another band of rain from the west as I went to look out of the window...