It's not what it seems

I give thanks for remembering last night there's no such thing as 'New Year', not in the sense of something that starts on an arbitrary calendar date anyway. If you've not achieved the state of advertised Christmas it can be a bit daunting to be under the impression there are more social benchmarks possibly about to remain unreached. There are not. If you are partying and/or celebrating your here and now or your optimism in the future that's all well and good. If not well that's OK too...

I give thanks I know I just have to apply the same logic to my upcoming 'big' birthday. Of course I want to do something special and enjoyably memorable to mark the occasion, especially as the odds of me reaching it seemed so low...and the odds of starting dialysis soon and being even less able to do wonderful things seem so high. But I have to remember it's not a given that you get to do nice things for birthdays, let alone extra nice things for ones that end in 0. It's just that in the part of the world and the time that I live in and among the people I know, it's the style to be aspired to, to feel you 'deserve' to have a fuss made of you or have some fabulous experience or treat. The trouble with this fashion of thinking is not everyone can have that kind of good stuff and those that can't might think they're less deserving. And the one thing they don't deserve is that!

I give thanks for getting through another twenty four hours of emptying buckets as well as trying to empty my mind of twaddle. For thinking to leave notes for all the other residents of the building explaining what the puddle was (I dropped a full container of rainwater over me and the floor on the way to emptying it down the loo), explaining that after my upcoming surgery I won't be able to empty buckets at all so puddles will become commonplace and suggesting if they wanted to join in trying to get the roof fixed too it might benefit us all.  

For a patch of better weather so I could safely escape for a while and for Mima agreeing to meet me when I did. For this bright doubling rainbow. They're not what they seem either...

Retroceptacle

I give thanks for discovering the phrase 'progressive detachment' - particularly appropriate for budding Buddhists, jilted lovers and anyone hoping to hold back entropy I feel. (And I sure would know!)  It is from the field of genomics apparently... another new one to me! Add stridulation and my vocabulary would seem to have expanded quite a bit this week, though I did spend three days trying to remember the word amnesia, which wasn't as amusingly ironic as it might sound...

I give thanks for last night's curry being much nicer for having been abandoned for 48 hrs after it really did not taste good the first time around. For the overnight rain not being as heavy as the weather report had suggested so that there were no indoor waterfalls this morning.

For not being too achey and thus able to catch up with some of the more strenuous chores...and then catching up with a patchwork cushion cover I've been fiddling with for a while. The more I mess around with it the smaller the pieces get as it's the sort of fabric that frays away very badly, but I managed a little more despite a desperate battle with my hook race and its ring. Not heard of that either? No nor me. Its a part of a sewing machine...and I give thanks I saved the manual to tell me how to reassemble it again after I managed to take it apart with no trouble and then got awfully stuck.

I give thanks for my allegedly waterproof 70s esque   bag, coveted on ebay and bought for me by Bob.

Home and dry

I give thanks for dodging the rain...when I was outdoors anyway! Indoors it's been bucketing down -  literally as overflow bucket under the primary containment facility overflowed too overnight, soaking the new carpet and through to the newly painted ceiling below.

I give thanks I currently still have two working arms and for using them, not only to bail out, but to send begging emails - Dear Nice Lady at Kidney Care/Council Man, please can you make anyone make this stop? I give thanks these folk are enjoying well earned breaks from their desks, presumably like the freeholder and managers under whole rooves not holey ones, blissfully unaware and probably uncaring of what it's like for those who are not.

I give thanks for escaping eventually, and collecting various packages about town including new books from my Amazon gift voucher and a new bag from my son via eBay. For chatting to the chaps and chapesses in the Post Office enjoying more leisurely shifts again, and for a cup of tea and a delicious chocolate (yes, just one - I'm trying so hard to be good!) at Mima's before she very kindly offered me a lift home.

Clueless

Well I never...I've just remembered completely forgetting to be grateful! Usually it's an ongoing process but today I seem to have been preoccupied with problems and worries instead...or turning my brain off with distractions.

Hmm... So let me think. I give thanks for a long bath in the late morning. It's been too cold to have one at night! For getting some household chores done, and a few rows of my raggy rug listening to a recorded I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. That was the best bit I think (so far - always be open to the idea of improvement, eh?)

For starting to write some emails about the stuff that's bothering me, in case anyone anywhere is willing and able lend a hand in sorting them out. Sometimes you need more than your own wisdom, courage and serenity, sometimes you need outside help. For trying to have hope, but not to depend on it.

I give thanks for a snuggly throw and a hot water bottle. For watching the taming of Hermione's hair as she grows up...while rocking the Hagrid look myself.

Oh my word!

I give thanks for braving the outside world today. It wasn't just the strong and bitter wind that made it daunting but the peoplyness as well! The sun was bright but it was too cold to linger on the seafront so I give thanks for finding this postcard capturing more summery days. I love sense its sense of speed and movement.

I give thanks for discovering since I've been compiling cryptic crosswords I've got better at solving them! It's a long time since I tried to puzzle out the answers to anyone else's clues...I'd forgotten how enjoyable it can be.

I give thanks for persuading my new laptop and old printer to talk to each other after sulking and refusing to at first (the laptop and the printer, not me!)

I give thanks for catching the first of this year's Royal Institution Christmas lectures on theme of the Language of Life. Fascinating and fun...and for learning (again) the name for sound made by rubbing body parts together. No...it's a longer word than that! Wonder how long it will be before I forget it again...

I give thanks for the sound of some neighbours returning being largely drowned out by my guffaws at one of the funniest QIXL's I've ever seen - one from last year I discovered I'd not watched before. It's a long time since I've laughed so long and hard and loudly. Next door were probably thinking less than kindly thoughts but it did me the world of good.

Left behind

I give thanks I didn't have my heart set on going down to see the 'walk into the sea' today as I slept badly and woke too late and sore and slow moving to get myself there. Oh well, there's always a wonderful atmosphere but even a cheery crowd can be a bit daunting when you're on your own. I give thanks I dreamt I was there anyway, but not so much for the nightmare I woke from and had to put the light on to feel safe....especially as when I woke again the light was off! Spooky!

I give thanks I left my new tea and old tea pot by the kettle last night to remind myself to use them for my morning cuppa.

I give thanks for thinking I'd saved all my files when I tried to restore my old laptop to working order. If I'd realised only some had survived I might have been more miffed...

I give thanks for the leaking rainwater gathering in my collection facility and reminding me reality cannot really be left behind for long. 

I give thanks for SwiftKey helping me this whole post with my left hand. No, there's nothing wrong with my right, I'm just practising for future limitations. It's been a slow process as there's a lot of tapping incorrect virtual keys and even so called smart prediction isn't bright enough to work out what I might have meant or meant to do.

Rudolf the gold nosed rescue reindeer says hello by the way. He's very grateful he's not still out in the rain. I used both hands to take the photo otherwise there'd not have been one at all!

Christmas passed

I give thanks for making a toffee apple pudding last night...and for using the dirty sauce pan to leave oats and water to soak for my porridge this morning. I don't know if I could measure the tiny quantities of butter, cream and sugar required to make it just right, but hey I don't need to!

I give thanks for a long lie in bed, and then another one in the bath. For watching squirrels chase each other through the branches and a little flock of tiny birds flit among the twigs as the wind whipped up rain and little white wave tops on the sea.

I give thanks for another pleasantly leisurely afternoon - as much craft work as my hands would allow (well probably a little bit more to be honest), and as much nice food as my diet would (likewise). For some undemanding but enjoyable television to watch, some nice surprises in my presents. For the closest neighbours being far away...a good book being nearby.

I'm sure lots of people could ask for lots more.  I give thanks,  though I could, I didn't!

Choice words

I give thanks for a peaceful morning in the neighbourhood, lolling late in bed listening to the church bells and being grateful organised religion exists for those who feel the better for it...and that adherence is not compulsory! How blessed we are to have choice.

I give thanks for reading an interesting book about the places we perceive as being between places (Edgelands, it's called) and thus discovering the hyperrealistic suburbia of artist George Shaw which pleased me greatly! As for fiction, I give thanks for being in writing mode which I haven't since joining that group in the summer. When it came to a sudden untimely halt what I was working on then did too and it's fun to have a story beginning in my head again. It may not get to a middle, let alone an end but I give thanks I understand this doesn't matter.

I give thanks for an undisturbed afternoon too, neighbours away or out for a while. For pottering a little with crafts as much as my hands will stand and watching Harry Potter movies which I've mostly found quite easy to resist hitherto but, as ITV is screening consecutively over the next few days, I might as well give a go. At least it doesn't pretend to be real unlike so much stuff out there.

I give thanks for thinking of folk I know and knowing (as far as this can be known) that they are happy and having a good time with loved ones, friends and family...and lots of lovely food! I've not started a jigsaw yet this year, piecing together meal plans instead from tastes of favourite flavours bulked out with the less appealing stuff I'm allowed.  It's probably easier all round being alone given my restrictive diet, contentment with quiet...and curious forms of delight!

Gifted

I give thanks that yesterday is over. It was a day that just kept giving - grief in various small but significant forms! I give thanks that many folk seem to believe I have some sort of angelic attitude to aggravation and disappointment. They are misguided. True, I try, but I've a long way to go before I rise completely above it.

I give thanks for waking up with no pain. This is almost unheard of and meant I could go downstairs soon after to open the communal door a crack in case the post person wanted to do the decent thing and deliver my parcel from Bob. I truly believe it's better to give than receive, but too much not receiving and you can start believe you don't deserve to, which is not a good thing to think. Thus I was particularly grateful to find the package in the hall later...as was he!

I give thanks for the gift of another spell of the barmy balmy weather we've been having lately so I felt motivated to pop into town and get a couple of bits, exchange a few friendly words with the locals and sit in the sunshine a while looking at and listening to the sea. I give thanks for a wasp trying to attack my Viennese Whirl because it made me chuckle to see one in December. Unfortunately the pain joined me too, at double strength to make up for the time it had been away it seemed...so I give thanks for managing to make it back up the hill, and for not needing to do anything for the rest of the afternoon but lie on the sofa and groan. Not very ho ho ho, but hey ho I give thanks it was fun while it lasted.

Found at sea

I give thanks I've chosen to blog a minimum five things that have made me grateful instead of twenty five that have made me cross - cos we all know I love a challenge, right?

I give thanks for the stripy sky and sea earlier. How beautiful is that?

For finally getting some data on my phone again.

For free wi-fi in Waitrose when I couldn't. For being sent some vouchers to spend there I could actually use and actually wanted to (cream and curry powder in case you're wondering). For them having some cheap sink unblocker which I don't want to have to use but suspect I might. For Mima meeting me for a cup of tea so I had a spot of human interaction to see me through the next few days without.

For the mild evening so I could pause by the differently beautiful sea and sky later and be restored little.

So this is solstice

I give thanks for the turning of year back to the light again. Like many folk I struggle with the long dark nights...though I give thanks down our way we've been lucky to have a surprising amount of brightness during the ever briefer days. I give thanks I can derive a lot of pleasure from certain qualities of light and, as living up here becomes ever harder, I can still appreciate the views it gives me of sea and sky and trees. They can still make me catch my breath in wonder...

Like a lot of people I also struggle with finding the joy at Christmas, though I give thanks unlike a lot of people I don't see a lot of people so don't have to put a jolly face on and pretend! I give thanks I now know Santa's running late again this year so I can stop creaking down the stairs each day hoping for a parcel delivery card...and finding bad news on the mat instead. Apart from a few hours here and there it's been a mostly minging eighteen months or so, and the new year is already lining up lots of things to dread, so I give thanks for keeping on keeping reminding myself to stay mindful in the moment and appreciate what I can.

For doing my Shiatsu, and a round of Salute to the Sun. Well, it would be rude not to wouldn't it? My hands have been too sore for fine motor skills but I give thanks I've had a go at some silk patchwork made from scraps from a richer woman's cutting table...before deciding I was making a right pig's ear of it and best to stop and make some pig free sausage rolls instead. Doesn't matter what they look like, they go down a treat no matter how badly bodged together.

Let there be heat

I give thanks for an early night. There was too much wrestling with the mattress to attach, and grovelling under the bed itself trying to find a way to plug both lamps and the electric blanket in to do much apart from turn it on ready to turn in afterwards. I give thanks for having a go at fixing the fairy lights while it heated up but I had to pass on that. It's soldiering on I can do, not soldering!

I give thanks it's turned unseasonably mild in the meantime. I don't mind not shivering and/or not fretting about the electric bill and how to get the laundry dry...plus the warmth in bed is good for easing pain as well as chills. Besides, falling asleep so early meant I woke up in time to see the dawn!

Exertions (and indeed excursions) usually have to be planned ahead now, but today I had the urge for an unscheduled trip outdoors. I thought the sun might have gone in by the time I actually got out there so I was very grateful it hadn't, as it was some of the hottest winter sunshine I've ever known without leaving British shores. I give thanks for sharing a laugh with jolly Roger over dietary restrictions, and meeting Mima to receive my Christmas gift on my way to receive my Christmas parcel of medications. Oh, and for spotting this very coney tree!

Faking it

I give thanks for renal failure...as if my kidney had been working well I'd not have tried to make a fake Christmas cake/pudding without sultanas, currants, raisins and nuts. It was my mission to produce one for the dessert in our festive meal last night. Being a fan of the normal sort I wasn't holding out much hope for tastebud joy...and as Rachel doesn't like the traditional versions she wasn't either! But we both loved it and I shall be making it again...if I can remember how, of course, as predictably I couldn't just follow a recipe from the dietician's leaflet. Tinned pineapple was involved, glacé cherries and cherries in Kirsch with a few dried cranberries soaked in it too, mixed peel, crystallised ginger, cinnamon and mixed spice, a little brown sugar plus honey and ginger cordial...and egg and fat and flour...oh and a light basting with sherry and more of the kirsch for a couple of days after it was cooked

I give thanks for my gift of a hand crocheted hat, made to order by special request so I could tear off the wrapping paper with genuine delight and glee!

I give thanks for a slow speed, low lying sort of day giving my attention to only the most essential or irresistible tasks - including a little bit of curtain sewing and rug latch hooking. As I'm indoors so much nowadays it's a shame I can't afford luxurious furnishings (or a luxurious home for that matter) but I give great thanks for what I can achieve with budget materials, creative ideas and crafting skills and for how much pleasure I get from that. I give thanks for no cooking as there were enough leftovers around for three tasty dishes plus snacks in between...and thus for minimal washing up as well!

I give thanks for less pain today, and more opportunities to rest when it's been going on. For a pretty sunset sky for the second evening in a row.

Hot tips

I knew a man once. No, honestly - I did! His house was always freezing but his tea was always piping hot as he warmed the mugs with boiling water like you might if you're using a pot. I give thanks for when I remember to do this this time of year.

I give thanks for crumble, which makes a most excellent breakfast you know. Last night's was a strange fruit combination as I used a little left over tinned pineapple, half a dessert apple hanging around and some chopped up crystallised ginger. I give thanks my appetite and palate remain unscathed by renal deterioration.

After waking up several times in the night through pain, pretending the day hadn't started for as long as I could seemed a bright idea so I give thanks for a pretty pink dawn - seen through my still tightly drawn curtains. I give thanks for the string of little gold coloured hearts twinkling in the sunshine when I finally reached out and twitched them open.

I give thanks for a gift card from Ivor and Heidi and a lift to knitting from Jenny. The sunset sky and ice blue sea as I came home. A tiny red and white striped mitten waiting on a bare twig for recollection. An affordable electric blanket in a shop in town. And maybe time for a quick nap before Rachel comes if the kids next door would settle down...

New end to my talents

Woohoo! I give thanks I've taught myself a useful new skill - putting a coax connector on the end of aerial cable. True, it's not particularly technical, and as it's my first time and I lack a pair of wire cutters neither is it neat, but I'm pleased that it works slightly better than before. There's yards of it, old and kinked, so I intend to work backwards until I find a bit that doesn't still require jiggling in the socket, but at least I no longer have to stand my TV box up on its front on the carpet to get a signal through. As it stands now (the right way up and in the right place) I could actually watch catch up...if I hadn't pretty much used my internet allowance up this month already downloading software for my new laptop. And I haven't even got to the crossword compiler yet...

Hmm, what else? For managing to stay mostly warm and, if not upbeat, at least up and about, not beating myself up and being mildly productive. It's not a very merry time for a lot of folk,  dark days both meteorologically and metaphorically. I give thanks for trying to stay grateful, and for being grateful rather than green eyed there are those for whom it's a season of warmth and celebration. I give thanks for half making my bed with clean linen - easier on the arms and the overloaded drying facilities to split it this way. Oh and for making whisky liqueur butter for tomorrow's tea...as there's no brandy in the cupboards you see!

I give thanks for the neighbours not being too noisy, though a pigeon spent a chunk of the afternoon on staring in from the windowsill making me feel rather intruded upon!

Which reminds me - I give thanks for finding these anthropomorphically amusing photographs
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/in-pictures-42370195

Warm as coast

I wanted so much to go out for a walk today... So I give thanks for persuading my aches and pains this was a good idea and persuading Mima to take me somewhere just right to do it! For the bright blue sky and brilliant sunshine making such pleasing shadows.. and for all the other people not there enjoying it which made it all the better. For finding something tasty and mutually agreeable to share for lunch just as it started clouding over, and getting back to town just as the day turned drizzly and grey...

I give thanks for a lift home from Waitrose with some shopping - always a welcome treat! For coping as best I can with the always conundrum of how to get things done without causing myself too much pain, and the midwinter one of how to keep warm whether I do stuff or not. Calories help but going into the kitchen is like opening the freezer door...so I give thanks for a plenty of strategic planning. I give thanks for a card and a little gift from Ann...I'm particularly glad I put my tiny tree up now as I could place it underneath...

Cream of the drop

I give thanks for the blessing of having a bath and being able to use it! It's my one real decadence but can compensate for all manner of other lacks and losses, sorrows and pains and warms me up on a chilly winter's evening...so, though indulgent, kind of useful too, I guess. I give thanks for my new shower head comfortably reaching my head of hair when I wash it over the bath. All those years it didn't...mind you I didn't have hair for all of them! I give thanks for my hair...it's much easier not having any, I must admit, but I do prefer to, and I also give thanks for the great good fortune of not minding too much what it looks like. Less heart searching, more pennies saved...more dosh to spend on a hot splosh at the end of the day.

I give thanks I don't buy decadent face cream, especially as I managed to bounce a new jar with the lid off around the bedroom earlier today. Oh well, no wrinkles in the carpet now...nor the wallpaper, mirror or chest of drawers!

I give thanks for Christine whisking me off to see her new abode and man this morning.  Lovely to catch up with her, and sit chatting by a blazing fire. Lovely to know there are people who find people who think they are just right just the way they are. Goodness knows why I've always failed so resoundingly at this, but long may others continue to succeed.

I give thanks for a lift back down to town to briskly walk round the shops in the bitter wind and bright sunshine. For finding a big ovenglass casserole going cheap in a closing down sale. For believing one day I might need it. For a cab to carry me, this and the rest of the shopping back up the hill, leftovers to eat and a sofa to curl up on with a hot water bottle and quilt. I had plans for the rest of the day but my body needed rest. I give thanks this didn't inconvenience or disappoint anyone but myself.

Mostly harmless

I give thanks for finding the excellent 3 parter The Widower tucked away late on ITV3. Good acting and true story of dastardly deeds in rather lovely parts of the world, so several favourite boxes ticked. Watching the end of it was very relaxing at the end of an evening trying very hard to fix all kinds of things myself - with varying degrees of success.

I was tired today so I give thanks for being able to take it easy. For fixing some stuff not actually broken, like putting up a few seasonal decorations. I don't always bother when there's no one to see but me but, though not feeling in any way festive, I'd a yen for some sparkle about. I give thanks for this being a soothing way to spend part of the day while listening to radio drama.

I give thanks for keeping mostly warm... and mostly cheerful. For eating mostly allowed things to eat...and for a chocolate biscuit as a treat!

NTE5 4 3

Nobody said it was easy, so I thought that it was hard. I give thanks I now have a new full length shower hose and fully attached head...parts bought in town here and fitted by me more easily than I tie a shoelace! If I'd realised quite how simply and cheaply a long running problem could be solved I'd have done it a long time ago...but I'm very grateful nonetheless.

Less successful, but I still give thanks for persevering with the on line checks for my broadband problem, including losing the connection every time the system tested my line of course, and grovelling in a dark corner to try the router in the test socket. When I finally got to online chat I give thanks for being polite when the advisor told me very longwindedly he couldn't do anything as his systems were down. This I figured was some sort of karmic retribution for all the torture I've inflicted on similarly afflicted souls in the past.

I give thanks for applying the same attitude to the young girl practising her rapping next door, although in my case it would have been some other sort of singing that blighted the ears of the neighbourhood. Not so much as the yappy whiney dog tho. I give thanks for remembering I had a puppy that used to make a fuss when left alone so I must deserve that too!

Contunuing with this train of thought I was struggling to think of any joy I've brought to the world that might be paid back my way. Hmm...well I've made people laugh sometimes I suppose. Oh yes, so I give thanks for I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue returning the favour!

I give thanks for a belated birthday afternoon tea for Jenny with Mima - plenty of chat and calories to keep us warm on a damp dark day when the cold seeps into your bones...apart from that I've not been far from my hot water bottle and I've been very grateful for it...

How sweet it is

I give thanks for dreaming I was telling some people exactly what I thought of them. That was the first thing I noticed when I awoke and my goodness, it felt good! In reality, even if folk are unkind, or that sneaky sort of kind that goes with being controlling, I still try to be (within reason) nice and compliant. It's not that I'm trying to make people like me - I've long since given up on that - it's more that I want them to like themselves, enjoy their lives and spread some joy around. I'm not good at conflict, someone always gets hurt and I give thanks I'm aware it's always going to be me even if I've 'won'!

The second thing I noticed today was how much I physically hurt. Curled up tight against the cold it was as if rigor mortis had set in when I tried to unbend myself.  I give thanks by lunchtime I was more or less mobile again...

I give thanks for my budget bloke's dressing gown which covers my chest so more cosily than a cheap woman's might. Read that any way you like, ha ha! For mugs of Co-op Earl Grey tea and plates of toast with Tesco three fruit marmalade (both from their fancy pants sections of course). For New Scientist to read for free from the library electronically...and recording plays from Radio 4 when the internet lets me as it can't be relied upon to let me use catch up any more. I give thanks for more problem solving with that - problem's not solved but I like it when I keep trying!

I give thanks for keeping on trying to keep myself fed flavoursomely within my dietary restrictions. I was so impressed with my paella dish yesterday, I made another dish that wasn't paella today...

Remaining present

No, nothing to do with seasonal gifts, given or received... I give thanks for keeping on trying to be in and aware of the present moment, despite the way one's mind wanders to worries and memories or wishes and plans.

I give thanks for starting the day quite sprightly and making it into town...though I got a little less so with everything I added to my bags, and I was very grateful for an unchained trolley at the supermarket so that even though I only needed a few extra bits and bobs I could put all the previous purchases in it and glide around more easily. For there being enough taxis to go round.

I give thanks for the warmth of people's greeting on such a chilly day. For chatting to those I knew better, and for the sun coming out which made it better still. For the way it illuminates different spots at different times of year. For finally using my little paella dish (though not for paella - that would be way too normal) and for vacuuming the kitchen floor which was beginning to look like a kitchen garden!

We are all made of stars

...but some of us are looking in the gutter! I give thanks for spotting this handsome chap bedraggled and damp at my feet on Friday. He's been resting in my handbag ever since and is now ready for a bit of a makeover before hanging out with me over the decorative season...

I give thanks for the times my mind adjusts lettering my eyes encounter so sometimes I'm looking at funny when funny isn't there. Thus I've just seen an advert about making the most of your festive toast (just the ticket for those of us who'll cook and eat alone)... plus a couple of days ago a message from a friend said her musical but somewhat dour son was busy 'giggling' that evening!

I give thanks for also finding humour in widespread hurting today. I was trying to put arnica gel on my knee but squawking with pain in my hand at squeezing the tube it came in, then at my aching back when I dropped the lid and it rolled under the bed. Somehow this amused me greatly...

I give thanks for simple pleasures, like sipping a just right cup of tea whilst listening to the howling wind. For using all the spare energy I could muster after the challenge of getting dressed (cue more comedy noises) making meals rather messily and clearing up in between. For a hot water bottle and a cosy throw and catching a nap between the neighbourhood noisiness...

Private pleasures

Blogging is a rather a private pastime this time of year as readership always plummets. I give thanks for resisting the temptation to thus say quite inappropriate things or to cheat and slack off in any way...also for other people having other (hopefully more festive and fun) things to do!

I give thanks dreaming I was composing beautiful music, though I was a tad frustrated when I woke and couldn't remember the tune! For a quiet day staying in the relative warm enjoying creating passable soft furnishings and foodstuffs instead. For getting to know my new laptop a little better...as with all new technology there are bits of it I like a lot, and bits I'm not so keen on, but funnily enough, considering it's a tablet hybrid, the non-virtual keypad is the best I've ever had!

For Mima braving the cold and bringing me milk and eggs, biscuits to share and company. For the pre-recorded radio while I do a bit of ragrugging. This gives me a lovely feeling, a bit like playing with Plasticene while the teacher reads to you - a favourite childhood memory of mine.

Light relief

I give thanks for the beauty of the skies and changing light on the sea I've enjoyed today, mostly from the warmth of indoors! I give thanks for sharing some of these views and very pleasant conversation with Laura this morning and Liz this afternoon at two different perfectly positioned cafe tables.

I give thanks for these kind ladies chauffeuring me about and, on the brief bit where I was walking, for encountering a bagpipe player in town. He was wearing a kilt...and a short sleeve t-shirt despite the icy wind, so whatever he had in his porridge was clearly doing the trick. I give thanks for having grated apple and cinnamon in mine!

I give thanks for an unusually the leisurely pleasurely feeling of the day, still in a state of relief about the cancellation of proposed operation date...but in the background, aware that my bloods were done late yesterday afternoon and a phone call telling me the operation must be immediately was quite possible, eyeing the answering machine suspiciously every time I came in. I give thanks the only message was to say they'd arranged for surgery in January...lots and lots of thanks for that as you might well imagine.

The great late

I give thanks for my duvet! When life seems full of sharp, hard, pointy, pushy bits curling up underneath one can soften the edges a little...

I give thanks though worries and woes kept me awake til the small hours I wasn't due at the hospital late in the day and I could have a late morning lie in. It's such a long slog there and back on the bus if possible I like to do something other than ride there, be seen and ride back, especially if the appointment's after dark so I can't admire the views, but today my joints were sore from wrapping gifts and cushion pads so it was hard to think of what to add value to the trip. I give thanks I came up with the idea of going right into the city, choosing some birthday cards for chums I'll be seeing over the next few days and catching a glimpse of some of the twinkling lights. I give thanks, as it was late night shopping, for the crêpe stand also being open for a sweet lemony treat before preparing to do battle.

As the new surgery date I'd been given meant I'd be missing out on all the pretty much all seasonal sociability I had arranged, plus the opportunity for a lift home with someone I felt comfortable with in my post-op vulnerable state, I'd decided to ask for a different one. I was sure there'd be lectures and threats to negotiate... but in the event the consultant quite agreed this was not best...nor the day my Tesco delivery is due! Phew, I felt so much better after that.

I give thanks for not having to wait long for the bus home, for getting a seat, and when the crowds had thinned being able to move to the funny little one right at front where you have a better chance of seeing where you are and getting out at the right stop. For those who are blissfully ignorant of public transport arrangements - no, I don't mean the driver's lap!

I give thanks for the neighbours being out when I got in...and for this lush little remnant arriving for when my hands feel up to sewing again.

Down into the easy chair

I give thanks for a new date for my operation. They could have picked better - it's the one day I had something seasonally festive planned and the one day Julie can't collect me afterwards, so although I'm glad it's sorted I'm sad too about the way things have panned out. I guess I'll have to see if I can book an expensive and exhausting volunteer driver and hope I can actually get in the door when they drop me off. Coming up the dark stairs on my own after surgery and a deeply tedious journey is not a merry thing to contemplate, but I give thanks this means I'm now dreading that more than the actual procedure and its aftermath.

I give thanks for finishing the chair cushions thanks to a nice remnant from the old fashioned haberdasher's in town, some silk scraps from eBay and odds and ends in my stash. The sofa ones have yet to be finished, but I can sit on that and enjoy the warm colours from across the room - this time of year can seem bleak enough whether it's the frosty wind making moans or me. Oh, and I give thanks no one wants to look at my flat so I can leave (literal) heaps of fabric lying about!

I give thanks for liaising with technology and the courier driver so my new laptop/tablet 2-in-1 arrived without problems earlier on. It's refurbished and red and plugged in to recharge and I'm kind of scared to try using it at the moment in case the problems are inside!*

Not allowed so many things I'd love to be eating just now, I give thanks for coming up with the idea of using up some damp and unappealing sliced bread removed from the freezer for post op sandwiches earlier this week to make a bread and butter pudding. Milk and sultanas aren't allowed but I used chopped mixed peel, glace cherries, rice milk and cream. Not bad at all!

*It's on and I've typed some of this. Uploading/downloading photos not worked out a workaround for as yet...

Murky bill of health

I give thanks for full use of my upper limbs - well as full as it gets these days anyhow! For the combination of a cracking scratch comfort food tea (quorn chunks and veg cooked in butter chicken sauce with mashed potato on top) and Rachel's excellent therapy turning my stressy angsty energy into something more focused and creative so I could spend the rest of the evening wrapping more presents and working on the recushioning...

For a long hot bath with a novel afterwards. I give thanks I can still have baths and hold books...

I've not been feeling too good today, so I'm grateful for the reminder how urgent it is I have this surgery, and how important to use the time I have left as well as I can while I can.

I give thanks for getting through the day...and getting through the front door before it turned murkier and even colder. It's been such a struggle to keep warm this winter, and I've wondered why last year seemed so much easier... before remembering, leaving temperatures aside, last winter I was mostly stuck indoors anyway.

I give thanks for seeing the sea in my travels...and land a long way round the bay, far into the next county. It's hard to hold the camera steady when you're zooming in on something that distant so you'll have to take my word for it that's what is pictured here.

I give thanks to Ann for sending me some more reading material... and one of her knitted poppies...

Cushioning the blow

I give thanks for thinking of things to be grateful for before my day got properly started...and writing some of them down before they got started on my arm.

I give thanks for sleeping more than I thought I would, for dreams not too distressing and, though the alarm went off way too soon, being able to drag myself out of bed and start making tea and a sandwich for lunch.

I give thanks I'd finished washing my hair when the phone rang so I heard it...and somehow knew that at least some of the above would suddenly become obsolete...

I give thanks for doing the sensible thing, making a cup of tea and going back to bed for a while to get my head round the change of plans which in the short term was a relief but really just makes more stress in the longer term.

I give thanks for choosing to spend my day in as relaxed a way as I could - sewing a cushion cover, wrapping some presents and continuing to search for a tablet 2 in 1 deal that I have enough money for and seems a good reason to spend it. Oh, and making some tea for two as, having had to cancel Rachel's visit tonight when I heard surgery was scheduled, now the operation has been cancelled acupuncture has been rescheduled again at short notice.

Glass half grateful

I've not been very good at being grateful today, so I give thanks for being aware of this and bringing my attention back to that state every time I remember, even if I can't hold the thought or feeling for long.

I give thanks for the light on the seedpods on these trees

For the subtle pastel hints of colour in the clouds in the late afternoon

For a dream that made me really happy while I was still sleeping

For getting some cleaning and tidying and cooking done. For making inroads into, or attempting to make my peace with other tasks. For getting some rest in between as I'm tired and achy as well as emotional

For a kettle, mains water, a teabag and a mug

Possessed

I give thanks for my possessions. They have such wondrous skills you know, slipping through to an alternative dimension in a moment when your back is turned or the blinking of an eye. They have rebel and inventive spirits too and come up with different ways of functioning from the purposes I intend...

I give thanks for being in that time of the month I call the EPO high, when the levels of this performance enhancing drug boost my energy levels, making me (in comparison to in between) almost manic, so I can hunt those wayward objects down, engage in portal combat and attempt to beat them into submissive mode without excessive exertion.

I give thanks I fought and won with the shower head and broke even with the freezer and washing machine doors... but after hours of removing programs and resetting my laptop I have had to admit defeat on that one. Even virtually empty it is going too slowly to reinstall even the one thing that has to be on there - my crossword compiling software which can only run on Windows.  I give thanks for other internet enabled devices which, tho not zippy on the signal here, work workably well enough to compare deals on something cheap and cheerful to get me back on line for that. Between Cyber Monday and Boxing Day sales is not the best time to be buying technology but I wouldn't have any in my possession at all if I weren't good at tracking down a bargain!

I give thanks for leaving the undomesticated appliances behind today and for picking up some post op groceries on the way to Mima's to accompany her on a pre Christmas shopping trip through the wintry countryside to a small town with an arty craft centre where the windows always distract. There there turned out to be a big foodie crafty market there too, a fabulous old fashioned ironmongers and a cafe with lovely food for our lunch. I give thanks she's lent me a netbook to try...but not this evening methinks. This evening is leftovers and catch up TV...as long as the appropriate bits of kits are working...

It's all behind me now

I give thanks for working on chores yesterday evening until I was fit to drop...and then dropping to lie on the sofa doing nothing at all but watch TV which is something else I need to work on! For sleeping long and soundly between the small and large hours of the morning, having managed to fit in a massive fret session in between...and a little meditate which finally brought back the calm.

I give thanks for all the continued scrubbing and rubbing today, wrestling with the overgrowth of ice on the freezer shelves and thick stiff upholstery fabric I've been using to remake the long back cushion/spare duvet holder on the bed/sofa. I give thanks it's done and I can lean back on this new improved piece of kit and relax...

I give thanks for finishing and uploading my seasonal puzzles, and for Facebook going so slowly when I tried to put them on the Friends of the Library page I had lots of time to do other things meanwhile...

There's a themed cryptic crossword http://crossword.info/happiness_squared/Dec1

And a little tree wordsearch that you could 'decorate' with chains of letters if you print it out and use coloured pens. Sadly I can't make the software do that!
http://crossword.info/happiness_squared/tree1

I give thanks for remembering to get a new phone charging lead so I can plug it in when I'm in bed.