Behind closed doors

I give thanks for the screen I put in front on the door in the evening. There were people who maybe didn't get my need for a psychological barrier, so how about a physical one? Late this morning, when I was finally fast asleep after another difficult night, my landlord knocked on the door...and when I didn't answer it (hoping he'd go away) he opened it instead while I'm lying in bed on the other side of it attached to my nightly needs, and it gave me a few moments to sort myself out. He needed to empty the meter and he'd sent me an email to explain but of course I hadn't read it. I give thanks most of us of in this country don't live like this... How fortunate we are eh? And when not long after another resident's child was having a tantrum on my doorstep I remembered to give thanks I only have myself to look after here, not a family.

I've been trying to think of ways to improve my mindset at this difficult time so I give thanks for putting on one of my favourite dresses today, even though I was doing nothing special. For thinking of treating myself to something naughty but nice for lunch to avoid the horrors of the kitchen...but the chippy was doing a roaring trade with all the visitors and had no special deals, and when I went on a bus to a place with a tapas bar I found it had closed down. I give thanks for raiding the Co op and Waitrose on the way home and finding some tempting dishes. For all the excited people filling their trolleys for parties and celebrations.

I give thanks for looking in a major national flooring store to check if shopping local as I planned to was wise, and finding their carpets were all wrong! For a well stocked and friendly veg stall in the market and for amazing daisies which flower all year round for free!

Night and day

I give thanks when you scream in a dream it can be hard to make a sound. I've been plagued with nightmares recently and it's bad enough them disturbing me without waking everyone else in the building. I give thanks for my earplugs to soften the sounds that bug me - the TV above my head, the squawking kids and yapping dogs, slamming doors and footballs on the carpark, footsteps on the stairs.

I give thanks for Mima offering to do more washing, and for getting a lift down the hill when she came to collect it. Despite my sore joints, I'd thought a stroll might do me good but the promenade and seawall were teeming with folk taking their seasonal walks so I soon plodded back up it. I give thanks for seeing families apparently having fun, and for remembering however miserable a period this may be for me for many it is a time of festivity and pleasure.

I give thanks for a pot of Patak's Korma paste and persevering in turning some elderly vegetables into a passable meal with quorn. For having a go at cleaning the mildew off the kitchen wall while it cooked, but with less success.

I give thanks that Julie didn't get the memo about me not needing any books this Christmas and giving me one. I've hardly put it down!

Cloud number nine

I give thanks for waking up comfortable - that's so rare that I'm always puzzled for a while trying to work out what's missing! I give thanks for moving eventually and breaking the spell for sorties to the kitchen for tea and toast, and for having the ingredients and inclination. For listening to the many noises in and around the building and accepting I can but strive for inner peace as I'm never going to be rich enough to have the outer sort. For being grateful I don't have more money because the more well off people seem to be materially the less they seem to be able to empathise or realise the ironies of life...

I give thanks for the amusement of musing on the 'news'. All the papers that were recently filled with recipe supplements are now offering free slimming club membership, and Weatherspoons are having a sale on alcohol - because otherwise people wouldn't drink so much, right? For there still being an end of year Top of the Pops, but with a studio audience old enough to be the performers' mums and dads (BBC employees I think)...and for finding out in Siberia they can (and do) block your sewers if you are in debt.

I give thanks for keeping clean and fed and moderately well. Everything seems to take forever at the moment and I missed a lot of the sunshine looking for my shades. I give thanks for the interesting clouds though...

Can't buy me love

I give thanks the heating was on for longer last night. This meant I was warm enough to do the washing up after eating and that meant I discovered there was lots of hot water and could selfishly syphon off a bathful for myself!

I give thanks for getting up at a fairly respectable time despite nightmares, shivers and pain disturbing my sleep quite badly, and thus being on the ball when the mortgage company not only tried to make me pay for another survey when they did one on that property less than two months ago, but wanted me to pay more for one than the price as quoted and paid before. I give thanks for being rather insistent and fierce until they checked the details and backed down.

I give thanks for finally getting round to picking up my pretty turquoise chenille throw as ordered a while ago, and picking up a few other things while I was there. I don't think I've experienced the post Christmas crush in the city since I lived there so it was a bit of an endurance test, but staying indoors is an endurance test at the moment so I give thanks for the variety.

I give thanks for not giving in to the temptation to buy a rather pleasing jumper in town here yesterday day for eighteen pounds as I found a perfectly acceptable one for eight! It still seemed rather extravagant but I seriously misjudged what to wear while staying here and another warm layer is required.

I give thanks for also, somewhat optimistically, buying two rolls of wallpaper I've had my eye on for a while. It's slightly textured and even more slightly sparkly in palest grey and would look good in my bedroom to be, I imagine. I give thanks I could only find two rolls with the same serial number as, though they won't go far, they were surprisingly heavy and I couldn't have have carried three very far at all.

I give thanks for finally getting this written and posted after the internet kept dropping out...and, after a hearty tea, I kept dropping off!

Close to you

I give thanks for the bright mild sunshine, most uplifting to the soul...And for the cold in the shadows reminding me it's not that bad indoors! For discovering behind the blinds I don't open for privacy there are windows that aren't completely closed, contributing to the chill here, and for managing to unstick one and shut it!

I give thanks for having prescriptions to pick up and an appointment to attend as this meant I got some fresh air and exercise. For my previously infected toe getting a clean bill of health...

I give thanks for the coastline and water being particularly photogenic today...and for having my phone with me as I'm not sure where my camera might be...

I give thanks for TV treats including a trip down memory lane to a Valentine's Day when half the UK and countless others around the world held their breath for 4 mins 18 seconds while a romantic tale was told, and the excellent Roald Dahl-esque story telling of David Walliams. The Midnight Gang adaptation was so funny and moving!

Pure shores

Ooh I give thanks for an extra hour of central heating late yesterday afternoon! It warmed me up enough to wash up, tidy the living area and make the bed before layering on extra clothes again and refilling my hot water bottle for another session of chilling in a whole different way from most other folks in the evening! I give thanks for finding some things on TV to escape from reality.

I give thanks for finally waking up properly late in the morning after long hours tussling with pains, and bad dreams and tubular confusion. I give thanks I could see from the nci webcam it was a fine morning for the Walk into the Sea, though I suspect the sea was rather nippy as the walkers didn't go out as far or stay as long as they sometimes do. I give thanks for social media posts about this and other charity and/or fancy dress fun. I stepped into the shower again, that's adventurous enough for me...and of course charitable to others!

I give thanks for eating plenty but remaining pretty pure from my diet point of view having only one square of chocolate and one piece of date filled baklava so far...

I give thanks for putting rugs and throws about here to make myself more comfy and cosy. It also meant when I spilt a full mug of tea just now it mostly soaked my own things.

Splish splash

I give thanks for deciding to brave the bleak facilities for a soak last night with a book, a mug of chamomile tea and my heater on in the hall outside...because the water soon turned from warm to cold and while this was most disappointing running a bath it would have been far worse running a shower! The big radiator was not on last night or this morning so I give thanks my little heater managed to dry my towel for an alternately scalding and freezing shower late this morning, and that no one will get close to me this Christmas as I'm not as well washed as I might be....

I give thanks for getting some sleep... And for managing to get out of bed to get tea when I woke up  - the mattress here and my back do not get on well at all! For kind people asking me if I'd like to be sociable and being understanding when I said no, I really wouldn't today as I'm feeling far from festive. Sometimes to deal with hard times you have to retreat inside and the last few months I've been shrinking so far in I'm not sure how to get myself back. I give thanks, as far as I know, people I know are happy anyway...

I give thanks for some thoughtful presents including two scarves, two cosmetic bags, various smelly things to be saved for a more fragrant environment and sweet treats to be taken in small measures, plus a recommended biography and...the gift that's flown many miles to get here...a model Spitfire of course!

I give thanks for the hour the heating came on. I danced naked in the wrapping paper. No, I didn't really, I took off the beanie I'd been wearing all day to keep tepid and relaxed enough to have a nap.

I give thanks I'm not on the streets. Nor in a hostel. Nor in a hospital.

Big yellow taxi

I give thanks I can be fairly confident none of my readers are likely to ever spend Christmas in a chilly conservatory in a carpark, alone, unwell, in pain and on a restricted diet but...just in case you do...here's a tip. Do NOT watch A Christmas Carol because you'll end up feeling it's all your fault for being a thoroughly unpleasant person!

I give thanks for the bits when my landlords felt it was nippy enough to put the heating on. For going out for a short while to pick up essentials including a little daylight. For coming back as quickly as possible as the cold got in my inflamed sinuses giving me a horrible headache and made my right hand go numb so it was even less use than my left one. I was very aware I wasn't a shopper you'd want to have in your queue!

I give thanks for my bed, my cooker, my fridge freezer, washing machine and digibox. I miss them all very much...

Rocking around the Christmas tree

I give thanks for feeling better after sleep and food and warmth. As my body reaches rock bottom the need for basic needs to be met can become very urgent very quickly and I give thanks as long I can keep meeting them so far I can recover again. I give thanks for getting up again for supper, a bath and the final gripping episodes of The Sinner.

I give thanks for trying to relax today. The concept always makes me smile, because if you're trying you're not relaxing are you? Most tasks here require considerable physical effort due to bodily malfunction, or less than helpful interior design, or the combination of the two and so there's a lot of mental effort expended on self motivation and encouragement. I give thanks for the enormous satisfaction to thus be gained for achieving anything at all. Washing self and dressing, washing pots and hair and undies and making scrambled eggs on crumpets for lunch and I felt like I'd been on a jaunt with Bear Grylls!

I give thanks for buying a cheap TV paper yesterday and thus spotting 5USA was putting on a Columbo fest this afternoon. I may have seen those episodes many years ago but not recently so it was a undemanding way to pass the hours. For using the advert breaks to tackle more convoluted chores, cleaning, tidying, cooking and for catching some mini snoozes. I give thanks for my throw and hot water bottle and pound coins for the meter!

Driving home for Christmas

I give thanks for Fulfords' estate agents after care which, with the help of my flat's new owner and ex neighbours, means post going to my old address is still reaching me. Today this included calling to tell me a parcel card had arrived. This was for my gift from Kostas which traveled to Greece from Florida with his sister and was sent to me from there! I collected it from the Post Office earlier but haven't opened it so I still don't know what it might be...

I give thanks for my voice creaking back as I had to use it quite a bit today...and for soothing my throat with a Booja Booja ice cream on the seafront. This was soothing to my soul as well as I found all the hustle and bustle in town rather tiring. I give thanks for walking many steps more than intended between various places I had to be before various closing times, and to collect odds and ends of groceries. For Mima making me a cuppa and lunch before driving me, my shopping bags and my clean laundry home.

I give thanks for shortly after taking to my bed as I really don't feel all that bright right now and snuggled up cosy under the covers seems the best place for me to be.

Lazybones

Mmm I was very grateful for an idle evening and a long lie in this morning. All body parts rather refreshed except toes and vocal chords! In a way I'm grateful for the latter as it lets me off making a few chase up phone calls tying up loose ends from leaving old home and moving towards moving into new, but of course my brain doesn't let me off thinking about them and I'm hoping after the seasonal shut down some answers to some queries will turn up anyway. In the meantime it can work on not feeling I'm being 'lazy' by not pushing myself harder than I am. What I'm doing is staying alive, moderately healthy and away from dialysis machines in some rather challenging circumstances. Sometimes this requires a bit of a sit down...

I give thanks for working out some meals I'm allowed to have, can put together in the cramped cold kitchen here, and for which ingredients are available in town.  I won't be having 'Christmas' in any way anyone would recognise but I'll still need to eat over the next week of couple of weeks of consumer mayhem and I'd like to eat as well as I can. I give thanks I'm only cooking for one and will not be expected to make any conversation while I do it!

I give thanks for taking recycling to the big bins and saying hello to the beautiful sea. For the patience of shopkeepers and business people while I whispered my business and for not getting rained on again! For tracking down some missing meds and the recommended dressings so I can rewrap my difficult digits.

I give thanks for Bob's Christmas box arriving earlier than I think it ever has before. I give thanks though he's not very chatty right now he has a wonderful reason to be otherwise occupied...

I will survive

I give thanks for only waking up once in the night to cough and for finding half a lemon and a teaspoon of honey to make a drink to make it go away. Wish I could say the same for my sore toes! For calling the launderette this morning and thus discovering I'd lost my voice...and for promising myself, yet again, a morning in bed,  until the mortgage forms came and I decided getting them signed and returned was more important. For Mima picking up some washing for me and giving me a lift into town where I managed to whisper and sign language my way through necessary transactions.

I give thanks for the mildness of the weather, it makes being here far easier (and cheaper!) not being so cold. For not getting wet outside today and the roof repairs seeming to hold. For a hot water bottle on my chest when I got home, that was wonderfully soothing! And, after a rest, making a nice lunch to lounge on the sofa with. It's the first time I've attempted a lounge in the two weeks I've been here and I'm grateful it's quite comfortable, though cars parking, reversing and disgorging inches away means it's rarely restful.

I give thanks cooking is certainly easier when you don't need outdoor clothes to do it in and I'm getting better at finding the right angle to reach into the oven so my burns get smaller each time. There's no room to stand in front and open the door in case you're wondering...

Whisky in the jar

Tell you a good thing about hanging about for buses in the dreary weather yesterday - it made me very grateful when they turned up! I was also grateful so many other people have cars because the streams of head and tail lights looked so pretty through the rain streaming down the windows. And for people having rooves and gardens and fences to decorate with seasonal displays for my further entertainment. I was also grateful to get indoors at the end of it even if indoors seems far from 'home'. And a good thing about not having a proper home is that it's easier to treat yourself to ready made food when you're out instead of struggling to shop for and cook it. Yesterday I had half a goat's cheese sandwich for my lunch in transit and brought the remainder home to toast for my tea with leftover stew. Delicious!

I give thanks for the end of term feeling that came with the last of the medical and financial matters over for over a week (I hope!) and for celebrating with a wee dram of whisky liqueur - in a trifle type dessert of course! For discovering I really do have a cough and cold because I so rarely get them and it's actually a pleasant change to have something the matter with me that others can understand. For promising myself a long lie in after coughing so much in the night...and for being philosophical when my landlords messaged me to say they had some more repairs to do this morning and then set off the fire alarm! I got up and put clean sheets on the bed instead and promised myself a nap when I got home later.

I give thanks for a nice lunch and chat with members of the Revive group and then dashing off to pick up specs and take tea and cake with the crafters. And yes I really did dash as it was tipping it down and I didn't have my mac what with the weather being so pleasant when I left! I give thanks for doing exactly as planned when I get home, stripping off wet clothing and catching some zees. And, though I forgot to pick up cough medicine, for the vile tasting Olbas oil pastilles I bought the other day being quite effective. I'm very aware everyone in the building must know I need them...

Imagine

Forgive me for sounding a bit bah humbug yesterday. I really do give thanks that people have good things going on, whether seasonal or otherwise...perhaps especially the otherwise. When I imagine what it might be like to have close family or friends, or a partner, I imagine it feels pretty good (most of the time) and I love that the universe has love built in.

I give thanks for wrapping some presents while cooking some tea last night, and filling a hot water bottle so when I just couldn't move any more I didn't have to. I give thanks for watching a bit of University Challenge and getting some answers right. For ordering myself a throw I saw in a store on Sunday that seemed to be cheaper online. It was such a pretty colour and an excess of cosiness unlikely to be problem for the next few weeks! I give thanks an excess of pain led to me giving in and taking one of my magic pills and getting a better night's sleep...

This morning I give thanks for getting the temperature right in the mains water shower and for being able to deal with my morning challenges at a suitably leisurely pace. For Jo from the Revive group organising a Christmas meal at Weatherspoons tomorrow to which I'm invited...and, fingers crossed for being able to go.

I give thanks for public transport and National Health Service appointments, and for leagues of friends bookstalls and well stocked cafés when they run on vastly incompatible schedules. For a friendly fellow sufferer and his loving Labrador assistant who could tell I needed furry affection and for finally finding a spot where the internet worked. Most of all I give thanks for the podiatrist not sending me away with a flea in my ear but diligently (and as gently as possible) working to alleviate my discomfort, find me another appointment soon and taking the details of my renal consultant to discuss if I'm well enough for surgery. She inadvertently let slip my current GFR in the process...and, after recovering from the shock, I gave thanks for my insane resilience. How I'm continuing to function almost normally I cannot begin to imagine, but I will never ever berate myself for needing a nap again.

I'm sorry

It's the time of year when what I most hear is 'Don't bother me, I'm getting ready for Christmas', and I give thanks for trying to maintain goodwill and compassion and bother people as little as I can! It would be best I'm sure if I could deliver any cards and gifts I intend to send some time in November and then disappear into some alternative dimension so as not to interrupt important preparations for spending valuable time with precious people.  Being not very well and not very well provided for just makes it worse as I'm the kind of person people like to think they're kind to and either they don't realise they're being rude and dismissive, or on one level they think it's fine because I'm not quite worthy of their sparkly attention but on another wonder if that's a worthy thought to have!  I give thanks I haven't had any awkward charitable invitations to assuage any consciences yet - my lack of social charm has its benefits you see!

Anyway, I give thanks not only were builders summoned to look at the roof here this morning but I was consulted as to what time they should come. I give thanks I already had a morning appointment to hear the underwriters' verdict so had to get up though I was awake in the night uncomfortable and a lie in would have been welcome. I give thanks for the verdict being positive, and for a lift half way to the library to do printing and photocopying again. For finishing Christmas shopping because I like to give presents and if finding time to receive them is a pain that's tough! And for buying a fish and chip £5 special to eat on the seafront while the work finished here because even with a young gull chorus that was more peaceful than hammering and scraping overhead and people in and out.

I give thanks for huddling under the covers with my clothes on when I got home and falling fast asleep. I've a sore throat and a runny nose and that nasty prickly nerve pain is back so it's super important not to feel sorry for myself or I will start to feel worse. I give thanks I have my podiatry assessment appointment tomorrow and though this means two buses each way on a wet and windy day it may be a step towards happier feet.

A winter's tale

I give thanks as long as I'm not too tired or stressed my appetite is still hearty. You have to be seriously motivated to cook in the kitchen here but I give thanks it makes the place warmer when you do! I give thanks for two helpings of veggie lentil stew followed by two helpings of renal friendly bread and butter pudding last night.

I give thanks for the wind dying down and the rain drying up, and my aches and pains easing off too so I could go out for a few hours today. For a ferocious hail storm...when I was on the bus! For discovering a new food store with lots of Mediterranean and Middle Eastern favourites. Great selection of tinned and packet items and fresh baklava, olives, sheep's cheese and so on. Near the bus station too which would be handy for bringing things home when I have a home to bring them to...

As for the rest of the city, it was interesting to see and hear what the other 95% are doing this time of year and I gave thanks I didn't have to join in! For my equivalent of a super sinful Christmas cocktail - a medium size cappuccino. Mmmhhhmmm, a treat for my tastebuds indeed! For a delightful band playing in the shopping centre - reminded me of Breton music as heard on Brittany - and for the good natured if down on his luck tin whistle player sitting on the pavement in the rain. I thanked him for doing something useful and cheerful and popped some money in his hat!

My main reasons for going out were to get out of here as it can get rather glum, and to look for things to look forward to buying when I can home make again. I give thanks those missions were accomplished, for Wilko where people without cars can look at wallpaper and paint....and for all the lush free heat in shops and vehicles!

Rainy days and Mondays

I give thanks for my hot water bottle - tucked into my back it helps to keep my core temperature high enough to function. I give thanks for not needing to function much today anyway! I was so tired and sore yesterday and had been yearning for a quiet battery recharge but as Jenny was going to be at the launderette I give thanks for getting up and trying to psych myself (and dress myself) ready to summon a cab in the pouring rain. And for then thinking nah...stop and have another cuppa first. I give thanks it was during this delay that Laura phoned offering to come and pick up a load of washing to process for me at her house and, as she was coming via Morrisons to pick me up essential supplies.This was something to be extremely grateful for in itself of course, but it also meant I was here when the rain started coming through the ceiling so could get a bowl to catch it.

I give thanks as it's a rented flat I have people to pass the buck to, but it can't be fixed immediately and it's a pretty miserable state of affairs on top of everything. I give thanks it is a good excuse for staying indoors but it mars the sense of relaxation I was hoping for, not least because the owners understandably want to come in and keep an eye on it too. I give thanks I'm used to drips, and the uneasiness I feel from other's comings and goings close by my living space, and hearing footsteps and voices and TV overhead but, as these features in my old home contributed to me wanting to leave, leaving them behind can't happen too fast for me.

I give thanks for losing myself in catching up with the first few episodes of The Sinner on iplayer (under two covers with a hoodie on top of my clothes!) I saw it advertised on BBC a while ago but with all the 'excitement' of the last couple of weeks I'd not managed to be in front of the TV for an episode yet. Excellent stuff!

I give thanks for making a pan of odds and ends stew and for Mima bringing me the odds and ends from my freezer she'd been keeping in hers. The little compartment with the broken door in the top of the fridge here is jam packed and some of what didn't fit fit nicely into the pot. I give thanks by the time that was sorted the heating was on again and the knots in my mind and body unwound enough for a lovely sleep.

Brimful of Asha

I give thanks for when the radiator comes on and when the internet connects. Simple pleasures here :-) I was in a great rush to use the latter when I opened a little packet that came and realised it was from my Reddit Secret Santa. It was a Thankful Diary and the challenge to write in it every day for a year and see if it changed my life. You're supposed to post a picture of your gift, with a rating and a comment so I rated it as excellent and posted a picture of it beside my blog on my tablet screen to show I had the staying power to complete the task!

I give thanks for going out in the freezing cold and posting a little present to old friends who are basking in the sun! Do to others and all that! For checking out the corner shop across the road from the new place. For it being a good corner shop too! For Archie the estate agent eventually turning up with the keys so I could have a bit of a closer look and measure up inside. Some rooms seem different from how I remembered them - one bigger, one smaller -  but all the stuff I asked to be removed is still there so he'll get on to the owners about that. I give thanks for a lift back in his cosy car afterwards.

I give thanks for the mortgage company calling me back when they said they would! Unfortunately all the senior underwriters had already gone home for their teas so they can't give me a decision until Monday, but as they were agreeing to the almost exactly the same circumstances up until yesterday I'm mostly optimistic. I give thanks I even feel brave enough to see if there's enough hot bath water for a bath...

Rhapsody in blue

I give thanks for discovering the BBC drama Mrs Wilson was based on real people and events. It makes the somewhat unresolved storyline make so much more sense and explained the 'coincidence' of the lead actress being called Wilson too. Old softy that I am it brought years to my eyes seeing the real family extending at the end...

I'm partial to a biopic so I give thanks after a too wakeful night and an early start for three and a half hours more miserable going round in circles with Chelsea getting increasingly cold despite adding layer upon layer of clothes I gave myself the afternoon off to take a train ride and go and see Bohemian Rhapsody. It made a great escape from stress and shivering and I give thanks for the literally awesome performances and re-creations, plus a lot of poignant personal memories, a tub of popcorn and, when the train home I might have caught was cancelled, for finding two sorts of favourite teabags in a nearby health food shop, a nice loaf of bread and a massive home made fish cake for my tea!

I give thanks for seeing the lights and trees decorating houses we passed, and for filling a hot water bottle to huddle against before checking emails when I got home. It seems the vendors of the flat I want to buy are pushing for an exchange asap now so I'm extra grateful I didn't realise that before skived off from office duties a few hours.

I give thanks there's nothing on real time terrestrial TV I want to watch so that after I've finished a bit of vacuuming to get the circulation going I can make toast and chamomile tea and retire to bed to get snug

Runaround Sue

I give thanks for getting 'back to the office' yesterday evening as this lightened the load for today, especially as the office has dodgy internet connection and no printer and the mortgage company have no idea who should be dealing with me any more and keep sending me to talk at length to other departments. This is not to beg for money yet, just to find the right folk to even listen to my request!

I give thanks I had pressing prescription matters to attend to today, so I got out in the very fresh air and saw the turbulent sea in between the doctor's surgery, the optician and the two pharmacies. I was just on my way to do some printing at the library when I met Jenny and realised I was accidentally arriving on the right day and time for the the craft club though I had completely forgotten it was also her birthday too! I give thanks she brought cake and, as the kitty was full, Cathy said cuppas were free this time. She also said my buyer was her new neighbour's son! They had moved into a bungalow near her earlier this year, obviously expecting him to be moving out.

I give thanks for forgetting Jenny's birthday made me remember someone else's coming up, so after going to the florist for a plant for the former I had a look for something for the latter, and some non-Christmas paper, and some Cauldron sausages for a hasty tea before the next round of phone and transfer, hold and hold on we'll call you back! I give thanks this stage of the the long and arduous relocation process involves mostly sitting still...

King of the road

I give thanks for my fabulous festive dinner with Rachel! For someone who wasn't feeling well a surprising amount of olive bread with smoked mackerel pate and chickory leaves, curried chickpea, sweet potato and cauliflower pie with couscous, tender stem broccoli and roasted carrots and a sort of raspberry fool with crème fraiche and cream was tucked away! I gave thanks for my lovely presents too, and for her understanding that though I put a lot of thought into her gifts, what with one thing and another thought didn't actually turn into much in the way of action!

I give thanks for a relaxing treatment while she battled with a mountain of washing up in a molehill of a kitchen...and, after seeing her off, for going straight to bed where I remained for many hours! I've been had to keep pushing myself for so long and have been feeling increasingly the worse for it, so I thought as this is the first day out of ten that there's nothing that must be done, that nothing would be! It was lush! I timed a long bath for when there was lots of hot water (but the out of my control central heating was off so I kept warm), washed my hair, read a book, watched something I'd missed on TV on my tablet and generally gave myself an easy time, enhanced by the fact that even after I was dressed most of this took place under the covers for improved body temperature and internet signal.

I give thanks for Febreze, so that the smalls I washed a couple of days ago and dripped over the bath like something out of a sixties movie have lost their slow dried smell. And for the sounds of it the building's owners putting up their decorations on the other side of the partition wall. It's a time of year when I'm often aware of the social divide but this season it's physically real! I even have a large scarf wrapped round my head and shoulders for cosiness, so that I look like a peasant as well as feel like one. I give thanks I don't mind...this downturn in quality of life results from trying to improve it and I'm sure it will in the end. I give thanks for discovering the Proclaimers cover of this song. I've loved Roger Miller's since I was seven but I think theirs is an even better version...

Please Mr Postman

Mmm... I give thanks for the resting bits today! Still lots to do, but I give thanks for reminding myself the pressure will ease off soon and, unless the vendors of the new place are in a great hurry, I'll get to properly relax and refresh myself even if it's just briefly before the mayhem starts again...

I give thanks for locating and winning a battle with cling film and anaesthetic cream in time for this morning's blood test. I was then going to go to the Post Office to redirect my mail, but they require so much notice, so much dosh and had such a long queue I bought a takeaway tea instead and sat and stared at the sea. That was worth giving thanks for in itself but it also gave me the chance to weighed up expenditure and value.

This stop and go move has a seemingly insatiable appetite for my limited funds and I don't have very much mail so I give thanks for another session of phone and internet updating of records instead so that I now reckon pretty much everyone who needs to know where I am now does...Maybe I'll splash out on some new reading glasses instead as mine seem to have headed off to the storage unit instead of staying here with me.

I give thanks for acquiring the final ingredients needed for tea tonight, just got to get off my proverbial and attempt to cook it. Unusually for me, I have no appetite at all. It crosses my mind I might shortly be having a rest at the hospital...

You can't catch me

I give thanks for managing to watch some catch up TV on iplayer on my tablet. The signal is best in the bed (sigh!) so it wasn't long before a combination of dropping connection and drooping eyelids meant I fell into another nap. That's fine, the things I really need to catch up on are calories and zees...and sleeping has tended to lead to eating and vice versa this weekend.

For waking up and realising I wasn't there any more! Don't let my gripes about inconveniences here confuse you - I am really very relieved and as long as the challenges doesn't go on too long I can manage.

Today I give thanks for finishing my shower before the hot water turned too cold and, despite some cars bumping into each other on the busy roads and holding us up, having enough time to get some bits from Lidl for 'Christmas' dinner with Rachel tomorrow between buses. I give thanks I think I have a plan for something to make out of odds and ends I do have to take the place of the nut roast I'd gone for that they didn't...

I give thanks for discovering a chap called Blake Beckford who champions stoma awareness. Look him up for some images... remember to look at the stoma bag! Facilities here are not conducive to the smooth operation of my own personal modifications, so I give thanks for keeping it together so far...

For a message from Tesco saying they're giving us some free data next month to make up for the service probs this week...and for learning how to lock the entrance door properly from the inside after a 'confused' woman (so she said!) opened it from outside. That gave me a shock!

I give thanks for John Lennon. It was the anniversary of his untimely death this weekend and, though of course he was a talented songwriter in his own right, for his covers album Rock and Roll of which I am particularly fond!

Candle in the wind

Every morning this week I've got up groaning and whimpering with pain, so I give thanks for groaning and whimpering this morning and not getting properly up at all. Moving home as a fit forty-nine year old was exhausting... as a sick sixty year old it's been downright annihilating! I give thanks for being here to give thanks - literally and metaphorically - and for being pretty sure, whatever the shrieks of horror Monday's blood test results in, this desire to lie still is physical and mental fatigue not the last bit of renal failing I have left to do.

I give thanks my appetite is back, that's a very good sign I'm right. And for spending the last couple of cramp crippled hours yesterday sorting out where to put food in a very small holiday kitchen with no food storage cupboards. The fridge is also small and the work surface just big enough for the microwave, kettle and toaster plus a mug for your hot drink and side plate for the toast! I give thanks therefore, as it's a kind of conservatory, it has a wide PVC ledge running at base of window height so there's room for jars and tins and storage tubs on that. It's also suitably cold! For finding the pasta, some bits and bobs to go with it and cooking and eating them.

I give thanks for an hour or two on the phone sorting out some more changes of address, standing order stoppage and yes please lovely rebates! For chatting to folk on the included wifi here as I've been affected by the 02 crash...before the internet here started playing up too. I give thanks to Bob for his excellent suggestion of taking Netflix up on their free month trial, and that I hadn't got as far as signing up and trying to watch anything before this happened. For thinking to bring my digi box and cable to watch programmes already recorded, but the TV doesn't have an hdmi socket so that plan was scuppered too... Never mind, I can listen to the howling wind, pattering rain on the glass and the cars arriving and driving on the other side of it.

I give thanks for some more space organisation, rearranging this corner to accommodate my housewarming/Christmas cards and gifts. I give thanks I'm not likely to have many more as I don't know where I'd put them!

Real gone kid

I give thanks that I have emptied the flat, cleaned it and handed in the keys. It's going to take a while for it to sink in that I'm starting a whole new chapter in my life! For the friendly and helpful removal guys making it go so smoothly and speedily, and for Mima for bringing some hot homemade soup and dessert just as they were finishing so I could be refreshed to carry on. She helped with the cleaning and fetching and carrying too...and brought me some thoughtful housewarming gifts, all very welcome! To Christine and Michael for coming and collecting the last plant pots and tell me how much they are enjoying having my small jungle and are inspired to start one of their own.

I give thanks for chains of coincidence. While I was dashing around trying to sort stuff out for moving into temporary accommodation on Wednesday night after hearing Adam (my buyer) had finally bought my flat, Adam (my cousin) sent me a message. Now this is rare, we might like or comment on each other's Facebook posts now and then but we don't exchange chat. Anyway he was asking if I could remember the address of the house I lived in as a young teenager because he's making a (beautiful) hand drawn picture book of places he has lived...and he and his folks moved in with us there too when they sold the place they were living in before they could buy another! This morning on Facebook a 'memory' came up of a photo of me pretending to drive a dumper truck just round the corner from this house from around the same time. I'd originally posted the picture 6 years ago in response to a reference to the same passage of our lives by Adam's brother Simon!

Anyway, I must be gone, away from the virtual desk and devices to practice bathing in a small size tub and watching TV without pause, fast forward and rewind. First world problems, I know...

Wherever I lay my hat

I give thanks for my fabulous friends! At the moment particularly for the nimble local folk who have been able to drop or swap hats at very short notice to give me physical assistance, but I'm very grateful for the long distance emotional bolstering too of course!

I give thanks for the free calls with my mobile bundle. One to change address for one benefit took 59 mins and 14 secs!

I give thanks arriving suddenly and unexpectedly here before I've fully moved out from there meant I was able to reassess what to bring and what to put into storage. There's a toaster and grater which I didn't expect, but no coathangers which I had. Even the owner is rather derogatory about the state of the place - they'd been planning to do it up not rent it - but I figured my own throws, cushions and rugs would make the place seem more homely and cosy and my screen is a very welcome addition providing an extra barrier between me and the outside world as it feels a little odd with just a Venetian blind and lot of glass screening my world from a carpark and street. Thank goodness I didn't pay removal men to remove and store this stuff when chums could be bribed to bring it here and help me to feel more comfortable!

I give thanks for managing to fit in a prearranged pre birthday vegan afternoon tea with Julie, a hug and a laugh and debriefing with Wendy the estate agent and a lengthy shower which was delightful when I finally got the temperature right! For taking the time to unpack, arrange and faff about enough to satisfy without stupifying any more than I am already... I only got about 3 hours sleep last night so anything else I'm grateful for you will have to guess at now!

Because the night

I give thanks for sleeping surprisingly well and late this morning. I'm so glad I didn't have to be up and ready to greet removal men at 9 am! It would have been nice to greet them at 1 instead but late morning the buyer's solicitors started raising more queries for the freeholder and, with time ticking away we passed the threshold when they could feasibly get here and be confident of getting everything out within working hours, let alone daylight. I suppose I could have just moved out before matters were resolved on the off chance that they would be, and clearly some parties would have preferred it if I had and have been complaining accordingly, but it's one thing to have to vacate on completion and quite another to have to just in case of completion, or after completion during the night! After a few rather terse emails about it having to be today I rang the estate agent to see if she could explain the ever growing unreasonableness of this request to those who were failing to grasp it, and come up with an alternative more sensible arrangement because I've done everything else I can do my end to speed things along and it's out of my hands. I'm still waiting to hear if she's managed to come up with something!

I give thanks I really am mostly ready to move out. But even more so for not disconnecting the cooker and TV, nor unmaking the bed, taking down curtains, cancelling services or redirecting mail so that some sort of existence can continue amid the chaos. I planned to spend the afternoon relaxing when it seemed I wasn't going anywhere but without official confirmation that either the buyer has pulled out, or is going to renew his mortgage offer, or simply that nothing else is going to happen today and I can stop waiting for more information it's hard to properly unwind. I give thanks for how calm I am managing to remain all things considered... I must be mentally tougher than I thought I was! Oh and same for my body I guess. How that is managing to keep going I've no idea! It was secretly pleased to have the afternoon off from lifting and shifting though I know... Some sitting about was a welcome relief in a way...

You keep me hangin' on

I give thanks to Laura, Julie and Mima for popping round today to help me with a few chores. I am so tired, but too wired to sleep well...so I give thanks for getting in the tiny hours and quietly sorting some more stuff out, and into containers. I give thanks for getting up in the later ones and making dahl which I figured might tempt my appetite later...and that it did! I was feeling quite queasy this morning and put it down to fear and stress - until I remembered it could be renal failure! Then I got really stressed. I give thanks for Laura's gift of muesli bread which, as predicted, lured me to try a slice or two...and then I forgot all about my precarious health position for a while. Great, enough to worry about already eh?

I'm not going to know if I'm moving tomorrow until tomorrow which is inconvenient for pretty much everyone involved. Never mind why, no point in going over it all in your head and getting nowhere... I give thanks for just concentrating on what I can do and not fretting about other people's responsibilities. I give thanks for the kindness and understanding of Keith and Lance at the holiday lets, and Kizzy and David at the removal company. It really helps them not giving me grief about what I can't help. The removal guys have scheduled me for the afternoon now so I give thanks for feeling a bit more relaxed knowing I don't have to get up any earlier than necessary when it might not be necessary at all... Ooh and I've just remembered half an egg sandwich left in the fridge from yesterday - that'll keep me going with minimum effort...

The final countdown

Oops-a-daisy! Almost forgot to write my blog. Um... Can I cheat and have remembering as gratitude No 1?  Or maybe that it's my blog and I can do what I like...?

I give thanks for the beauty of the dawn this morning, with the crescent moon bright in the sky as the darkness lifted in the east.

I give thanks for accepting that there really is no option, I have to carry on as if I'm moving the day after tomorrow even it still might not happen. Ugh!

To Laura for coming to help with the packing.

For the sight of the sea in the gathering gloom of evening when I scuttled out to attend to some outdoor stuff. There's something about the sea at night... It even seems to make a different sound.

I give thanks for making and eating something for tea, though like breakfast and lunch only managing to eat half of it. The stress is getting to me!

Space oddity

My goodness me I'm tired this evening! I give thanks for all I've done and for mercufully grinding to a halt, falling asleep on the sofa with a half drunk cup of tea...If I'd kept going I'd probably hurt even more than I do already! I give thanks for getting some sleep during the night too, but really not nearly enough.

Strangely no matter how much I pack there never seems to be a corresponding emptiness... but today, as promised, Christine and Michael came and took all my houseplants into their temporary care and, briefly, there was a gap where they had been. I give thanks for their kindness, strength and for their roomy, unheated but sunny porch.

I give thanks for Mima bringing me some milk and garlic on her way back from the supermarket. I'd thought I might cook tea but I cooked brunch and lunch and I think toast might be enough...for both making and eating, and certainly for washing up!

I know where I'm going

I give thanks for allowing myself the evening off yesterday from the stress of the ongoing moving saga. For continental crime shows, especially Killer by the Lake and Shades of Guilt. Great stuff!

Maybe if I'd checked my emails a bit earlier I might have discovered after 'closing the office' yesterday an email arrived suggesting we are so near completion next Wednesday has been proposed...and been digesting that not composing furious letters of complaint in my head! Even if I had of course I wouldn't have got far as it's not the ideal time to sort out actual removals etc as all those offices are closed too. Neither can I find out what's going on with my purchase apart from the fact that the mortgage company are still adamant my new improved solicitor is not on their panel, and my own mortgage offer is due to expire even before my buyer's. So although I'm grateful of course, the impracticality of the situation is a little daunting to say the least.

I give thanks for Wendy the estate being at work however so I could have a blether at her and for confirmation that my temporary accommodation down the hill is still available. I give thanks for knowing where I'm going at least, though how and when is yet to be confirmed.

I give thanks for lots more sorting out and packing this afternoon...as much as I could manage though there's still plenty and a half to do when I've had a rest if I feel strong enough to carry on. Every time I stand up I start dashing from task to task and I can see it would be very easy to get very exhausted before too long so I give thanks for the plan to find something else gripping to watch on TV and settle down with a biscuit or two and forget about it all for a while.

Sweet dreams

I give thanks for sleeping. Sleeping is one of my favourite things at the moment! It's a shame I don't do more at night but if I did I'd do less in the day... I give thanks I'm not yet doing so much I need to call the hospital about doing more there.

I give thanks for a mostly bright day, the wind and rain over for a while and not very cold out either. I'd not planned to go anywhere being particularly sore this morning, but Mima had some Christmas shopping possibilities to check over and invited me to accompany her so it was nice to get out mostly sitting down! I give thanks one of the shops has a cafe serving one of the few things I eat that breaks all my dietary restrictions in one go and thus seems a tremendous treat! Oh and we took a slight detour on the way to the only supermarket I actually enjoy shopping in and I give thanks for them having my favourite chamomile tea and tinned fruit still in stock - the only place I know that sells them. They might not seem very exotic grocery items to get excited about but remember pretty much all the things you're looking forward to eating over the next few weeks I'm supposed to avoid, so relatively speaking they are.

I give thanks for the last of my homemade cherry and cranberry cake when I got home, with a mug of tea, an old Columbo...and yes, you guessed it, a nap!

After midnight

I give thanks for sleeping quite well for several hours, but unfortunately with quite a few wakeful periods as well with lots of aches and pains and puzzles of the non-crossword variety whirring in my brain. For giving up and putting the light on to read instead in what would have felt like 'early morning' at a different time of year... For electric light and an electric heater!

I give thanks the wind blew the clouds and rain away for chunks of the day, especially as I had to go out and do some odds and ends. Some of the time when I was out I didn't even get wet! I give thanks for finding a gift for my Reddit Secret Santa and a few other seasonally related items, and yes I did shop local though it felt as if I'd been very far afield by the time I made it home! I give thanks there's no more news as I've carried on hurting all day so didn't want to feel I ought to be doing anything more than I did. I give thanks for an early bath, and an evening of lying on the sofa planned. For the chilli on my nostril and lip reminding me I'm part way through cooking some dhal, and that there's leftovers from other meals if I don't get that finished tonight.

Last Christmas

Oh poop! Those lovely charity cards I ordered were out of stock. It seemed a bit like the last Christmas straw and I give thanks for remembering there is a sackload more can go wrong before then and I'm just going to have to bah humbug through whatever comes my way.

I give thanks for trying to be a good little vendor and help the solicitor sort out the chaos that comes from (in her words) leaving my case on the back burner. I give thanks I have some compassion for her as she's clearly getting in a flap sending me emails without referred to attachments or attachments without accompanying queries, and urging me to email other people at addresses that don't work...but even more for not getting in a flap myself not least because it's EPO day and I need to have my blood pressure low when I inject myself. If she can't sort it all out and over the next couple of days there's not really anything I can do to save the situation anyway. Best to work on saving my sanity methinks...

I give thanks for feeling stronger than yesterday. Lolling in the bath with a book or on the sofa with the TV while the wind howls and the rain patters has still been the most appealing 'activity' but that's mid winter for you! I give thanks I've managed to stay awake and have even done some household chores. I even feel almost motivated to cook myself some cake/pudding. I give thanks if I think about this enough my taste buds will take control and order me into the kitchen!

Only you

I've read the brain book, I understand deep in your heart of hearts you think I must be doing my life wrong or it would have turned out better - more like yours maybe! Trust me, I regularly check and try to improve my performance in all manner of ways, but I do sometimes wonder myself if maybe I do just deserve to struggle and fail! When you feel like that you need some top class nurturing to stand up and fight another day. So, as of course there's only me to provide that, I give thanks for spending the evening with my vacuum cleaner, duster and washing machine making myself feel looked after. For putting clean sheets on the bed and the electric blanket on to warm them up and writing a rambling rant to my estate agent while it did so as she is, as far as I can see, the only other person who actually cares if the sale goes through. For Redbush tea and rather more digestive biscuits than I realised there were left in the packet for supper when I'd worn myself out.

I give thanks for sleeping better, and though waking up not surprisingly very stiff and sore and utterly unmotivated, more rational about matters. Conveyancingwise it seems news of my imminent departure has been greatly exaggerated. Everybody is suddenly remembering lots of things that haven't been done, or need to be done again preferably yesterday and, as is human nature, are now very busy blaming someone else for the muddle. I give thanks for understanding I'm an easy target to attach the buck to. It's my solicitor (or my buyer's solicitor) or my landlord, mortgage company, flat, you-name-it that's at fault and therefore I should be running round like a headless chicken printing things and posting things and phoning people to try to alleviate their mistakes. Today I feel more like a kidneyless person than a headless chicken though, desperately in need of some cosy rest and really not up to the fray, so I give thanks for refusing to budge from the building and, after answering a barrage of emails earlier in the day, allowing myself to fall asleep on the sofa. For waking myself up snoring which always makes me laugh unlike when other people do it! 

I give thanks for yummy leftover curry so I didn't have to cook and for Jenny bringing me some more boxes just in case and agreeing trying to stay well is even more important than trying to get a move on.

I give thanks for my receiving news of my Reddit Secret Santa recipient. I love giving presents and one of the saddest things about not being much loved is you don't have nearly enough opportunities! I give thanks for an email for Kostas, very happy to be in the middle of a series of visits from his sister who has flown over from Greece to spend as much time with him as she can. The local governor who scraped in in the last elections has implied he'd like to send the remaining Death Row inmates off to meet their maker asap so it may be their last chance. He tells me he has made me a gift out of paper and 'odds and ends from about the place' that she's taking home with her to send to me! The mind boggles but I'm so touched...

Ain't necessarily so

So this evening I heard there are a whole lot of glitches and unresolved issues still regarding my long awaited property sale, let alone the purchase, and things are not looking half as rosy as I imagined. I'm so weary of the roller-coaster and I'm not feeling too grateful just now!

So, I give thanks for earlier in the day when I felt optimistic and hopeful soon things would be better than they are now. For the bright sunshine... For making it to the library and back and for meeting someone from knitting in the loo at Waitrose afterwards who I'd not realised was there as the group is so large now and she was out of my range of vision. She took me there the first time I went several years ago!

I was exhausted when I got home so I give thanks for eventually rallying and making myself a quick snack out of some unpromising odds and ends in the fridge. For managing to clear up the mess I made dropping it on the sofa! And I give thanks for eating what was left before I got the latest bad news email as stress does put me off my food! I give thanks for my huge reserves of resignation.

Here comes the night

Is it me or does anyone else feel like it's bedtime at 5 o'clock this time of year? It doesn't help that I'm not sleeping well in the night but I guess that can't be helped with a head full of tenterhooks. What are tenterhooks? I give thanks for the internet so I can look it up without leaving the sofa or even putting down my phone...

I give thanks for Mima taking me to raid Lidl this afternoon, and for dinner half cooked before I left so a relaxing evening to look forward to (neighbourhood noises willing) when I've finished that off.

I give thanks for very nice cake in Costa. They always have such interesting flavour combinations especially when you share teo different kinds! For lots of bustling around yesterday evening and before I went out so that, although the place looks very messy, I know this is because processes of organisation and containment are in progress.

Dancing in the street

When I was under the impression my demise was imminent I used to tell people, if they were sorting through my stuff after the event, to look very carefully as I sometimes stash small amounts of cash in odd places. Last night I came across some myself so I was very very grateful...And there was thunder and lightning to celebrate too!

After waking up much too early, and finally going back to sleep when I surfaced again late morning I decided lolling in bed was a fine thing to do on such a dismal day, and was very grateful for the opportunity to do just that. But after a while the thought of the goodies in the farmer's market, and most especially the lunchtime performance of my favourite samba band - a troupe from not far away with many female players that are perhaps a little past the first flush of youth - got me up and dressed in many layers in record time. Last time I saw them play it was in a rather small room in a rather funky pub/club in the city and I was dancing so near the stage when they moved their drumsticks my hair went up and down in the draft. I lost my hearing for three days afterwards...but they are so good it didn't put me off and I was so grateful to get to see them (and hear) them again.

I give thanks for a jolly atmosphere despite the rain, chatting to a few people I know. The usual separate food and craft markets were altogether along the main street, and there was a whole programme of events to enjoy leading up to and after the Christmas light switch on this evening but I give thanks for coming home and scoffing my nosh on the sofa instead. I give thanks for my legs for carrying me with an unusually low amount of protest and for the lovely feeling when you've been out getting cold and damp and come in and strip off and get warm and dry.

Twinkle twinkle little star

I caved in and packed another banana box today with stuff I reckon I could do without for a while. I give thanks for my faith and optimism! Though Thunderbirds are still not got there's no news to suggest they aren't still revving up their engines...

I give thanks for a lot of dossing around apart from this - limbo is a somewhat fatiguing state to be in!

I give thanks for a brief burst of thunder and lightning just now to make the rain more exciting, and for my bright little snowflake stars. They are not the poshest lights ever. They are not even the poshest or prettiest I own...but at 99p they are pretty much the cheapest!

Um... I dont know what else... For having somewhere to live even though I want to leave it, for feeling fairly well despite the fact I'm not. Oh, and for buying something reduced for Black Friday. I don't think I've ever done that before. I ordered some Kidney Research Christmas cards a) because I thought they were pretty b) because, of course, it's a cause I support and c) the ones I already had are in a box in the back of the stack after I rashly assumed some months ago I'd be long gone from here when the time came to want them.

I sill haven't found what I'm looking for

I give thanks for sleeping better... Until I woke up convinced it was proper morning and it was only half past four! I give thanks my son keeps odd hours too so we could carry on our Messenger chat from yesterday evening. We're still hoping we can fit 'Christmas' in somewhere but it looks like it will be in January now...

I give thanks for going back to sleep for a bit, but when it was proper morning I was still rather tired and uninspired by day to day chores. I give thanks for going to a shop where I thought they might have some fabric for the next rows of my rag rug - but they didn't. I give thanks for going to a shop where I thought they might have something I fancied for tea - but they didn't. I did see lots of sparkly seasonal bits and bobs in my travels that of course I don't need at all but I give thanks for succumbing to a 99p string of battery operated snowflake lights because if my deckies are in a storage unit and I'm in digs at Yuletide they might provide a little cheer! Oh and for the store playing a favourite U2 track instead of tortured premature carols...or worse!

I give thanks for soothing music in my ears on the bus as the other passengers seemed to have a lot to say...or rather not much to say but an eager need to keep repeating themselves. I give thanks they weren't talking to me!

I give thanks for hearing  that the consultant's response to the GP flapping about my last results was to recommend leaving everything just as it is. Phew! The doc had suggested more frequent blood tests and I'd really rather not... I give thanks Mr Upstairs seems to have completed his 10000 steps a day challenge on the creaky floorboards above my head and I can remove my earplugs and find something vaguely useful to do...

When you're smiling

I didn't get much sleep last night with so much going on in my head, so I give thanks for giving up trying and getting up for Redbush tea and digestives in the early hours before finally dozing off...

I give thanks for trying to find out more today about various aspects of maybe moving and remaining philosophical about no news and thus no further actions to take for now, just many contingency plans to make and lots of potential fretting to do!

I give thanks for finding something comfy to wear on my sore feet before setting off for town dressed for the bright sunshine I could see through the window and discovering it was raining as well. Took me ages to find the rainbow - it was following me down the hill! For dropping off charity shop donations and half a bag of flour for the single assistant who works in the health food shop and, like me, struggles to use up a whole bag before it gets very old. For some laughter at the Revive group after a rather awkward start, and a lady I've not met before complimenting me on my smile. How nice!

Cool for cats

I give thanks to Rachel for cooking my tea and washing up while her acupuncture needles did their thing. For the pleasure of her company and her generosity with her time.

I give thanks for checking my 'business' emails several times a day with diligence though decreasing hope, and thus finding out this morning that my solicitor has received an amended draft of the extended lease and it's on the way to the buyer's solicitor to approve. I did wonder if the freeholder might try to time things so as to cause maximum disruption by timing his response to coincide with the run up to Christmas though, of course, I still don't know how or when or even if it will all pan out. Nonetheless this is the furthest we've got so far and does feel like genuine movement in the right direction and I am very grateful for it. I give thanks I also found out just before I caved in and bought more things I'd planned to hold off from getting until I moved because it was beginning to look as if I wouldn't! Literally...like stuff was in my cart! I can hang on a little longer...

I give thanks for not running round like a headless chicken. It's progress but it's not like I have a completion date, besides I feel more like a kitten than a chicken today, in need of comfortable cosseting on the sofa. I give thanks for making some simple but very tasty lunch, watching some catch up TV, reading a book, dabbling with crafts wrapping presents but generally taking it easy. I give thanks my fistula is still purring!

Monday Monday

I give thanks for a bit more get up and go today. I didn't sleep well so I didn't get up and go til late but hey, that's OK, the sky was brighter and the wind had died down a little by then. For a bath with a book as the hot water soothes my body and a good story soothes my head. For the sound of birdsong in the bushes and trees by the roadside..

It seemed a bit Monday moan day in town with almost everyone I encountered having something to grumble about, so I give thanks for not loitering in case I began to join in, but swiftly buying some more prizes for the tombola, a Christmas gift, home essentials and Big Issue from the remarkably cheery seller braving the wind on the corner. For a cab on the rank when I needed a lift up the hill with my heavy bags and that it's not a very long ride as goodsness me he was the grumbliest of all!

I give thanks for taking down my sun and moon hanging to give it an iron and replace the serendipitous previous poles with the new pieces of dowel. This means I can now hang my winter door curtain back up, which is kind of sad as I'd hoped I'd be gone before it was needed but also something to be grateful for as it should help keep me warm as the temperature falls. Mayhe not straight away though as I am a mite fatigued...

I give thanks for the brief gold in the clouds before darkness fell...and the brief and blissful peace when the neighbours went out.

I guess that's why they call it the blues

Yay, I give thanks the sun came out for the final day of the music festival in town. I give thanks for all the happy punters with the money, energy, mobility and social skills to attend the various events and for the ferocious breeze for sending some of the sounds up the hill.

After a bad night with various discomforts and some rather unpleasant dreams I give thanks for being able to take a long time to get going today...and then for not going very far. I give thanks I did eventually get to sea the churning sea, and walked around some of the less popular paths in the park - well, less popular with humans anyway, there were numerous birds and squirrels! I give thanks for the light on the various coloured leaves and sounds of trickling water between the ponds, and watching the eddies of leaves rise as a fat wood pigeon flapped about on the path. For the few folk I came across reacting to my smiles and hellos with blank stares as, although a greeting back would have been lovely, I didn't feel like having a chat and clearly came across as even less charming than I usually do. For the shapes and shades in this photo...

The ongoing uncertainty about moving, the growing fear that the process is going to grind to an expensive halt, the constant background panic about the state of my health and the usual low spirits I get when days are dark and the coming season seems anything but festive are not making for a jolly mood so I give special thanks to these pictures of design fails for making me laugh out loud.

https://www.boredpanda.com/funniest-crappy-design-fails/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Let it be

Oh I don't know! I don't really feel as if I've been switched on today...but I guess I've been giving thanks that hasn't actually mattered. None of the ideas I had for stuff I might do came to anything apart from cooking and eating and clearing up... over and over again! I give thanks for my appetite, and plenty of food on the premises...

I give thanks weatherwise the day has been murky and dull,  with the rumble of waves in the background and the roar of the rising wind this evening -  just right for staying indoors and, when the sore bits responded to Paracetamol, for a nice siesta! For reminding myself that this is OK as I've a tendency to think I should try harder to live like a well person does, when in honesty I already do pretty well at that...

For catching the end of the Zverev/Federer match and being moved by the former's humility in his interview afterwards.

For this rose's enduring splash of pink among the greens and greys and browns and golden hues.

I can't stand the rain

Well, no actually I'm fine with the rain - it's just the standing up with I can't be doing with today! After a busy week or two with lots of out and about I give thanks for some very important catching up with very little at all.

I give thanks for Julie coming round so I had to get up and dressed and attend to essential chores...and for some congenial conversation of course! For buying both rice milk and vegan cookies on my travels yesterday so I could offer her light refreshments in return for the delivery of some dowel.

I give thanks for the rich aroma of cannabis wafting through the building which I'm sure assisted in an afternoon snooze (and the neighbours in being very quiet) but thankfully didn't bring on the munchies - well not for me anyway! For making some more rags and hooking them into my rug. There's a long way to go but it's getting there, For some leftovers to revamp for tea and a good book waiting to be read in the bath if I can't find anything on TV.

Fog on the Tyne

I give thanks I misread things sometimes and thus keep seeing headlines about a 'daft' deal!

I give thanks I like to shop local where possible (well, on the local bus routes anyway) but there are no stores that cover all bases. Tesco is my favourite for hummus and organic everyday groceries plus it seems to be the only place in the county that sells Oatly vegan custard which is pretty much the nicest and most kidney friendly there is! Sainsbury's is best for veggie mince and samosas, Morrisons for bread, the health food shop here for flour and oats and another independent one in a nearby town for tinned fruit and chamomile tea bags. It's tough trying to get around them all but I guess modern life is designed for (healthy) folks with cars... or not very discerning tastebuds... or, let's be honest, probably both! Oh well, I give thanks at least it gives me a purpose in life attempting to keep acceptably fed...

I give thanks though my toes and thumbs were very sore the bits in between were mostly OK today and, as I can only haul so much up the stairs at one time, I could go out for some more hunting and gathering. For the day becoming increasingly murky as that set off the autumn colours so well. For forewarning from the weather forecasts that the temperature will be dropping next week so to carry as much as I can before the shiver factor makes everything so much more hard work. For a rare trip to Lidl's where I bought a fine selection of bargain priced light weight items to try and clocked some more for another bagful sometime.

Labelled with love

I give thanks for remembering Squeeze. I believe they're still going though I don't know what their music is like now, but they used to write songs like paperback novels!

I give thanks for a quiet spell yesterday evening to make a noise laughing at a QI while the neighbours who might hear me were out. That cleared away dark moods about difficult situations for a while and distanced me from various types of pain. Both are a tad troublesome at the moment so I give thanks for knowing they will pass. For remembering to be grateful for the chap upstairs when his brother came round for the evening, despite not being that grateful myself.

I give thanks for the consultant apparently passing on getting her knickers in a twist like the GP yesterday who was going to ring her up, and for thus not having to trundle off to the hospital. For having a passably healthy day all considered... For passing on buying alcohol and chocolate for myself while looking for gifts and tombola prizes and making the young woman serving in the off licence very pleased and happy with my choice.  For an hour or so's congeniality at the craft group and coming home with more freebies than I arrived with!

Monster mash

You can't eat them so enjoy them some other way. Today I give thanks for repurposing some small green sprouting potatoes as printing blocks. Well trying to anyway - it being an if-you-don't-succeed-at-first-find-something-else-to-fail-at kind of time in my life! I give thanks for discovering I'm much better at carving potatoes than I thought I'd be... and a lot worse at holding them so painty potatoes kept bouncing around and making a miserable mess! I really did enjoy it though and have resolved to have another go with better shaped spuds, lighter fabric so the colours show and a larger work surface so the material doesn't keep slipping off onto my lap.

After the clearing up I gave thanks for a jar of ready made curry sauce to quickly add some veg and chickpeas and rice...as this reminded me why I don't buy such conveniences! Ugh, it was gross! I give thanks I'm hopeful I can add some stuff (flavour perhaps?) to make it more bearable tomorrow.

I give thanks for some bright news among the gloomy update from the dietician ie. that Oatly's divine custard (which I like better than both dairy or soya versions) is probably better for me than either of those two are...

I give thanks the GP who rang up to tell me how dreadful another part of  my blood test was meant well... It's impossible for people to grasp how little I care as long as I feel OK, because they're not used to people with these numbers feeling OK I guess. I give thanks I feel OK. Pretty low in spirits because I've stopped taking the happy pills so all manner of hurting is back, and my future's looking kind of dim, but hey...well enough to be wondering what to have for tea and where to sneak in a lyric.

Somebody to love

Well that was an interesting weekend -  I accidentally activated a 3 day pass to a dating site! Of course I didn't have to spend time on it, but of course I did and found it most revealing. I'm not utterly naïve. I do realise being this old, unnattractive and umhealthy kinda rules out romance but I'd thought I might find a chap for spme congenial chat for half a hour or so. But I'm so far from the madding crowd in terms of what goes on in my head and what matters to me even that was too tall an expectation.

Oh well, I give thanks for the major miracle of very occasionally coming across folk who find me bearable, and even quite pleasant in small and widely spaced doses! And for those who don't, but don't think I should be admonished or punished for being different as did my mother and siblings and many folk after...

Not everyone can find a perfect partner, but if everyone could grow up with at least one person believing in them, cherishing them and showing them how to feel good about themselves the world would be a much better place for us all, as so much bitterness and bad behaviour comes from feeling rejected or isolated, or not valued.  I give thanks for discovering over the years, if you love yourself loads, and try to have as much compassion for others as you can manage, you can muddle along somehow without all of the above...

I give thanks for being out and about and busy today, checking out possible things to buy if Bob decides to visit before the 'festive' season. I give thanks for a very quick and gentle blood test, for lovely warm sunshine and a cosy coat with hood for the wind and rain. For the colours of the leaves still on the trees, and being able to see the shapes of the trees that have lost them. For finding snacks to eat on my travels...not especially renally friendly snacks so I do hope the results of today's test aren't awful so they want to do them again tomorrow!

Could it be magic

I give thanks for the magical mystery of creative inspiration - that sudden or subtly emerging urge you get to arrange words, music, colours, cloth or whatever into the patterns that appear in your mind's eye or ear. Well, I get it and of course so do lots of others but I apologise if you you're one of the many who don't and don't know what I mean...but you can be grateful for its results that surround you anyway. It is one of the most precious pleasures in my life to feel it, and of course especially special when I can make my hands do the necessary to make my visions come true. I give thanks today, though the weather started so bright and warm and inviting I have stayed indoors and bustled about with some of the things I'm trying to make and for the enjoyment and satisfaction in the tasks. Nice to look out the window from time to time and see the changing moods of the sky and light,

I give thanks for minimal pain as well, which helps to make this more possible, in fact all things more possible. I can still feel those 'burning' nerves but at a much lower volume, and all my other usual sore places likewise. This has been happening for the last few days, along with better sleep and a general sense of improved well being, and I tend to think it maybe that the stuff they gave me for the first problem are working on all the others too. I've read on line it is used to treat fibromyalgia, and if what I'm feeling is not coincidence and the effects are the result of a tiny dose of this medication then so it blooming well should be! People could get their lives back - although on reflection they would be drug dependent lives with rather more humming than is necessary so swings and roundabouts I guess!  Still, if you live with almost constant disabling aches and pains, disturbed sleep and low energy and you get a few days off from it it is an amazing experience to savour and be grateful for anyway. Once a month or so for 'respite care' would be nice...

A hard rain's gonna fall

I give thanks those cookies turned out OK. I flavoured them with ground ginger and cinnamon, used rice milk and some finely chopped crystallised ginger and an extra couple of spoons of jumbo oats which made them crunch as if there were nuts in - always a bonus if you're not supposed to eat nuts!

I give thanks for sleeping better and waking up with nothing hurting so just lying still for a while to enjoy it. For Julie saying she'd get and cut some dowel for me and Mima offering me afternoon tea and teacake at hers with a lift home after. For a nice chat with the chap upstairs when he too was sheltering from a heavy squall of rain in the downstairs hallway

I give thanks for good news in the post - my student loan has finally been written off and I've qualified for a podiatry assessment. I might not qualify for treatment however, they'll have to assess me and see!

I give thanks for finding just the fabric I wanted for a craft idea in town here and the man cutting it badly and me saying I didn't mind so I got it extra cheaply too! I give thanks I labelled the boxes I packed and stacked so optimistically earlier in the year as I needed to get some materials out of one of them for this project too. Oh and I was delighted the right box was in the front pile and not quite at the bottom of it!

I give thanks for having lots of spare specs as I stepped on and mangled a pair today and luckily the replacements, though also in 'storage' were fairly accessible. I give thanks for my joints being pretty easy going so I've been able to dash about between the showers, for the mildness of the weather and for it being the kind of rain where the leak buckets not needing emptying. I've not worked out which sort does and which doesn't but whatever, doesn't is fine by me!

Sugar and spice

I give thanks for my dark sense of humour. When it's 3 am and you're trying to get comfy enough in bed to fall asleep again but every shift in position brings a different 'Ouch!' or 'Oof!' or 'Ow!' it is kind of comic... as well as somewhat tragic of course!

I give thanks for the sleep I had, and for waking early enough to deal with the demon courier and the cocked up communication systems which meant I didn't get essential emails or texts and he didn't have a number to call to say he was here. I give thanks it was a pleasant morning weather-wise so I could have the kitchen window open to hear him arrive, and that my knees are in a good mood and let me (almost) run down the stairs!

His highness has not been so mellow however, so I give thanks for an old Columbo to cheer me up when he's been grouchily shouting and stamping around. I've been feeling rather creative so I give thanks for the times between my hands seizing up when I could put my ideas into action for a while.

I give thanks I wasn't moving into temporary accommodation on this stormy afternoon as at one point I thought I would be and had paid a now lost deposit. That I'm not quite so grateful for!

Poison Ivy

I give thanks the doctor wanted to see me after our telephone chat for several reasons including the trip to town helping distract me from the burning pain and the fact she's a GP I've not seen for many years so it was nice to have a catch up chat! Although she couldn't identify the cause of the problem it is something nerve related and may be related to the build up of toxicity in my body. Definitely not poison ivy - but it's such a fab song (especially by the Lambrettas) I couldn't resist! I give thanks she suggested some medication to try from the very short list of treatments I'm allowed.

I give thanks the surgery is on the sea front so I could admire the churning waves, though it was very hard to hold the camera still in the buffeting wind. The mild weather is very comfortable for my joints however, and the breeziness very stimulating to my spirits so I give thanks for ambling around while the pharmacy prepared my prescription getting some odds and ends in the shops including arancini! I had been craving these for some reason and, as they're not something often encountered round here had wondered if I could make my own, but luckily there were some reduced in Waitrose to save me all the bother. They were delicious too!

Blue velvet

Well, yellow isn't noticeably the colour any longer - not on the the nearby trees at least. A mighty gust just sent a blizzard of their leaves into the air! I don't think I've ever seen quite such a dense cloud of them before, and give thanks I was looking out of the window at the appropriate moment, and for it still being light enough to see...

Although I didn't spend much money yesterday I spent large chunks of the night paying various physical prices for my exertions so I give thanks for taking things very easy today. One particular pain is not shopping related nor, as far as I can tell, related to any ongoing health issues and as it has been going on for about 10 days now  I give thanks I've managed to book a telephone consultation with one of the GPS to see if she can shed some light and maybe make it go away. I give thanks though I've been very uncomfortable I still feel very well all things considered...

I give thanks for 'discovering' instant microwave puddings a while back. OK, they're not really instant - from getting up on your feet to follow your fancy for something hot and sweet to licking your plate might be about 10 mins but that's pretty good! The texture is more rubbery than the cake baked sort but they're so simple to put together and cook so quickly you can practically do it while you make an accompanying cuppa so who's complaining? Usual renal rules apply to me so I can't have coffee, chocolate, nuts or dried fruit but rose petal jam on the bottom/top, with a little lemon zest in the batter was very nice indeed.

I give thanks for the gorgeous fabric of the 'new' tunic I won on eBay. No, it isn't blue velvet but I don't know any songs about black, orange, red and green velvet do you?

Yellow is the colour

I was really looking forward to Rachel coming last night...partly because a few minutes before I'd finished her jumper (which we were both extremely grateful for!) and partly because I felt very much in need of treatment for my various ills and woes. Before she arrived, while finishing off dinner I kept telling myself not to whinge and whine when she did. but luckily she's been feeling the effects of encroaching winter too so we were able to swap funny stories and hints and tips and ended up laughing instead.

I give thanks for Mr Tesco helping me make a lovely meal* The freezer is almost empty now except for bread and milk. Do I give up assuming I'm gong to move and stock is up with more food? Oh decisions, decisions...

I give thanks for feeling reasonably functional again today and for deciding to get some odds and ends in the city - taking in the pretty wooded bus ride views of without a hospital appointment looming makes a nice change but I was hunting high and low for my mp3 player. During the search I found a favourite scrunchie I thought I'd lost which pleased me greatly... and then the missing item in the little pouch I'd put it in on my trip with Jan...along with some stashed cash I'd forgotten. Nice one! I give thanks for Bob sending me his Christmas list so I could put this money to good use...

I give thanks for my knees being amenable to much trudging around, pricing and appraising various things...and for discovering in my travels that some of the shops I used to go to when I lived nearby are still there. For a mahoosive slice of carrot cake from Waterstones to keep me going...and a £1 hat to keep my hair on when the wind started blowing. For getting home before it was completely dark, and before I got too wet.

*and that there's some leftover for today as I've been out for hours and am way past wanting to chop and cook

I've got my love to keep me warm

I give thanks for the milder weather. I function much better when I'm not tense and hunched up with cold and stiffly bundled into layer upon layer of clothing. It also helps with aching joints and tendons - always a bonus!

I give thanks for sleeping a little better... For a cushion between my knees helping with back pain though with my other arrangements it's a rather complicated manœuvre turning over in bed...

I give thanks for wrestling a delayed prescription from the surgery earlier. Just got to steel myself for the evil courier now...

I give thanks for Waitrose doing the sensible thing at last and giving me some vouchers for money off a ten pound spend instead of thirty, forty or more which I'd struggle to use as there's not that much I like to get from there let alone carry up the stairs. For my knees only grumbling quietly when I brought up what I'd bought today.

I give thanks the little skirt I made from some psychedelic 60s patterned needlecord last year still fits. It's one of my favourite garments ever...

The letter

There are a couple of nights a year when, even if I can't face going down and up them to join in the fun, I give thanks for the hill and stairs here because I get glimpses of fireworks anyway. I give thanks yesterday evening I saw some good ones, even some of the ones in the main town display which rose high enough over the trees and that cheered me up a bit.

It's the start of the sad season for me when I'm not only affected by lack of light but of warmth and mobility and of social exchanges that don't involve hearing about what other people are doing and wishing I could too! I give thanks I should be used to it by now, and for understanding it probably feels worse than usual because I've invested so much money and effort in the possibility of change for the better and everything is still the same.

I give thanks for making myself get up and get on with a few things despite lack of energy and enthusiasm after a troubled night...and for some good dreams in the bits when I was asleep! For some household chores done, and printing, filling in a posting a self referral form for someone to look at my poorly toenails on the NHS please, though I suspect they might say no you have to pay! I give thanks for my poorly joints being a little less sore except for on the stairs, and my poorly chest being a little less tight.

I give thanks for the misty murky weather softening the autumn colours, and for remembering this song I've loved for more than half a century... The lead singer was 16 when those vocals were recorded - they don't make boy bands like that any more!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQaUs5J2wdI