Two out of three ain't bad

I give thanks for looking up from cleaning the oven last night in time to see the pastel pink sky.

I give thanks for getting some of the things done I meant to do today. It was an unrealistically long list I guess but there were three main components and I managed to complete two of those, so pretty good going really.

I give thanks for Mima picking me up to go for a quick cuppa somewhere with lots of things to buy...and for resisting all temptation except cake. For all the colours in the trees...and for not being outdoors too long as I really needed a cardi under my coat. I give thanks for those glorious months when I was warm but it's all the harder to acclimatise now...

I give thanks for a catch up nap when I got home. It had been pencilled in for earlier after a difficult night and I'd hoped I might manage without as the day wore on but I kept losing consciousness just long enough for a character to speak in a programme I was watching and was struggling to follow the conversation. I give thanks for feeling much better for it...and for finding my phone when I woke up again. It took a while before I realised I was lying on it!

Je ne regrette rien

I give thanks for yesterday's evening burst of energy and for coming up with a few ideas for ways to use it that make sense if I move...or not! For thus sorting out my sewing stuff and cleaning and reorganising the inside of some kitchen cupboards. The latter is still going on so I give thanks for deciding to have sandwiches for tea...and for finally hacking my way into a tin of tuna. There are many unbudgetted for expenses coming up and I must be very frugal now but methinks I might splash out on a new can opener!

This morning, having run out of energy and enthusiasm I give thanks for the chaps upstairs going out for a while so I could have a (relatively) peaceful late lie in bed. For reminding myself repeatedly to relax the tension in my body, be aware, be mindful and be conscious of my breath...It's so easy at the moment to wish things were different, had been different, to hope for positive change instead of just dealing with each moment as it comes.

Like many who've had to fend for themselves (and defend themselves) from an early age I've made some regrettable decisions sometimes, and suffered at the hands of quite a few folk who've made some poor choices themselves. When I look back on my life there seems to have been a great deal of effort, a little success, and some heartrendingly cruel twists* of fate...but today I was thinking so what? All the stuff I could have done with more of - health and wealth and support and love - I did without. If some climatic catastrophe hit right here right now I'd have a lot less obvious stuff to lose than many of my peers, but an selection of internal treasures instead to see me through. And of course, as I'd not last long without treatment and medication, I wouldn't have to struggle for long! Unlike Edith I regret shedloads but I give thanks for fragments of wisdom gained...

I give thanks for finding a stashed packet of Paracetamol when I thought I was running short. For the sunshine glowing on the autumn leaves...for all the jolly out and aboutness going on for those with jolliness and out and aboutness to spare

*Haha...and I give thanks for a great typo. This originally read cruel twits of fate. God yes, there's been a few of those!

Now the day is over

...and I am none the wiser about pretty much anything. Ah well. I give thanks for the physical restfulness of this, even if it's not much good for one's state of mind. I give thanks I've had plenty of experience of disappointment should more be coming my way...and that I know the real challenge is not to feel that's all I'm supposed to have.

I give thanks the weather folk's predictions were correct and that though yesterday still felt like summer, today has been a lot more autumnal...and I'm grateful I could plan my outdoor chores (and pleasures) accordingly and stay indoors today as requested by various body parts. I give thanks for starting to make a little black sweatshirt skirt. I've produced a few of these over the last thirty plus years, though they are not so little as they used to be!

I've been feeling rather nostalgic which is maybe why I thought of being five years old, before the world got scary, singing the first couple of verses of this at our desks before hometime on Friday. I give thanks for that...and for something in the light or temperature or sounds or smells reminding me of autumns producing colourful knitwear to display on my market stall.

It's a mystery

I give thanks I don't bite my nails or smoke or drink any more - these days of uncertainty could be very bad for bad habits!

I give thanks after adopting the feeble position for many hours I was able to perform the necessary tasks to make it outdoors today and enjoy the unseasonably warm sunshine. For there being empty seats now the tourists have thinned out though the buses are still crowded. I give thanks there's still pollen for the bees...

I give thanks for plenty of well chosen programmes recorded to keep my mind distracted when the pain was especially bad last night. I particularly enjoyed the first two episodes of Mystery Road, an Aussie series with stunning cinematography and a good soundtrack to complement interesting characters and storyline.

I give thanks for going on a couple of dates a couple of years back with a chap who lent me the excellent Sapiens...then scuttled back to his ex so I got to keep the book! I then lent it to Rachel, and now she's lent me the sequel Homo Deus where I've been reading about the origin of lawns - a cultural aspiration that makes even less sense than three piece suites and fitted kitchens I was pondering upon the other day. Even in paperback it is a mighty tome tho so I give thanks for a skinnier novel to take out today...ooh and a pastel de nata to bring home. How come what is essentially a Portuguese custard tart is so delicious while the English sort is so dull?

Are friends electric?

I give thanks for making friends with electric cookers. Last night I slow simmered some dhal for today on the residual heat from a ring that had been bubbling pasta! I also give thanks the restorative power of my late afternoon nap gave me the oomph to get stuck into some household cleaning in between the stirs...

I give thanks for an early night. For no news this morning so I could lol in bed admiring the sky instead of leaping into action. For emailing the CAB for advice on a number of concerns regarding the immediate future. Their initial reply said there were far too many issues to address in an email and to call in or phone the helpline...but when I did that the answer seemed to be I was a time wasting drama queen and to go away until I had some real problems! I give thanks for the reminder of how lucky I am.

My joints are mega painful today so I give thanks for making it downstairs to get the mail, though coming back up was horrid and pretty much did for any more movement from the waist down. For attaching some trimming to the sleeves I've shortened on a dress to wear on dialysis days...and that was pretty much all I could do with my hands.

I give thanks for a patch of sunlight streaming through the window and soothing my aching knees. For the patches when the neighbours stopped going in and out and pacing up and down to soothe my aching head...

Some enchanted evening

I give thanks for getting out this afternoon in the glorious afternoon sunshine. For a tea break on the seafront amid the chores and the mare's tail clouds in the sky.  I was very tired but I promised myself a nap when I got back and I was very grateful for that as well!

For getting on with various tasks and remaining on a fairly even keel despite so many uncertainties still. I give thanks for opening a letter from the hospital in deepest dread and finding it a mere summons for an iron infusion which, though not my favourite way to pass the time, isn't too bad all things considered.

I give thanks for the golden light on the golden leaves before sundown - especially stunning against the bright blue of the sea.

For the Mighty Redcar - a fascinating series about people struggling in a town that is too. Nicely filmed and a soundtrack full of some old favourite tunes...

One step beyond

I give thanks to Walter for presenting us with the rather pleasing Code 37. I particularly appreciate the way it portrays such a realistic range of inept masculine behaviour - from the cops as well as the criminals! There are some classic examples of the dumb things some men say and do because they think women are even dumber, but in this case one woman is definitely not. Oh and the alternative photo line up scam!

Today I give thanks for some steps in the right direction, including many trips up and down the stairs with for Julie to take to pile up stuff in her car for disposal. We haven't had a good chinwag for ages so it was nice to have a catch up over a spot of lunch too...and to realise that phew, we hadn't got a parking ticket when we forgot to go to pay! Oh and I give thanks for her assistance in getting a mini shop in Tesco's too, she knows her way around the store...and understands how the difficulty I have with sensory overload in there.

I didn't sleep well last night as realistically this is make or break week when I find out if I have to stay here (which I don't want) or become temporarily homeless (which I don't want either) but I give thanks for enjoying the very bright moon. I was also very grateful for sinking into the deepest slumber on the sofa when we returned. I give thanks for another jolly conversation with my new estate agents afterwards who, unusually for business people, seem to share my sense of humour...plus a confirmation from my (current) favourite solicitor (you can go off them,you know) that he does indeed have a lease extension on his desk and the terms are within my budget too! He does conveyancing so I've asked him if he'll take on the new purchase.

I give thanks for remembering this gem - Ah, Madness, with your tight tunes and wacky videos, I know it's you I need to take my blues away! Don't let my somewhat flower child image fool you, I love a bit of ska and two tone and punk...

You never can tell

Well, it's been quite a week one way and another! I give thanks though a lot happened I didn't expect, the one thing I was pretty sure would did not ie. being summoned to the hospital after my blood test results. I don't know what they were - I prefer not to be told these days - and I know that even if I 'passed' this time I cannot hold back failure forever. but in the circumstances defying medical science  a little longer is very fine thing indeed!

I give thanks for a really good sleep last night, untroubled by wakeful 'What if?' hours. For applying a healthy does of scepticism to the  optimism and halting exclusively moving related tasks for now, instead choosing to do some things I will be very glad I've got out of the way if, in fact I do! I give thanks I've finished sorting through a box of old photos...a somewhat poignant task, but many of them no longer mean anything to anyone but me and I have a head full of memories anyway.

I give thanks for taking some rather elderly cream out of the fridge to throw away, and discovering it still tasted fresh...and doing the sensible thing and making a massive crumble to soak some up!

I give thanks for spending some of my early teens in a children's home. Without 'Aunty' Faye to introduce me to the delights of Columbo I might have never realised its many charms as it wasn't the kind of programme my mother went in for at all.

I give thanks for remembering Uma Thurman and John Travolta dancing in Pulp Fiction...

I want to break free

Well, I give thanks I got some sleep...my mind is going n-n-n-n-nineteen to the dozen at the moment formulating contingency plans for various scenarios so not as much as I might do. I give thanks for getting something to eat - menu planning not being on the menu right now. There's no point getting a Tesco order when I'm trying to run stocks down (they charge extra if you underspend) and I've not had time to shop so it's mostly random snacks, but still...

I give thanks for discovering lemon curd on porridge is lush! For it dawning on me you don't have to have a fitted kitchen - it's just one way of providing storage and work surface that's become a cultural trend, like a three piece suite was a way to provide seating. Whole new vistas beckon when you set yourself free from pre conceived ideas (and pre-cut chunks of MDF!)

I give thanks for Christine offering a temporary home for all my plants should one be required, including transportation. This is a great relief as if I do move into this new flat there will be plenty of room for them to grow...

I give thanks for the chilly wet and windy day, just right for taking it easy. I've sorted out some more things to take to the recycling centre, made a few useful phone calls and packed one more box but now my trust issues have kicked in and I'm loath to go much further with moving related stuff until I'm sure it's really happening. I give thanks this means I can doss around for a bit...I'm in need of a bit of that. That's why I can't be bothered to work out why this paragraph has gone odd!

Help!

I give thanks for the helpfulness of friends. I've a mighty pile of boxes to fill up now but I'm mighty tired after a restless night and a busy day so I am giving the rest of evening over to rest I think.

I give thanks for talking to a lot of people and apparently saying the right things as I have had an offer accepted on an acceptable flat and put a deposit on some interim accommodation. The latter is only continuously available from 10th November and will require coins in the meter and trips to the launderette so some sofa surfing may be required in the meantime, and some soul searching during I'm sure.

I give thanks for meeting some jolly folk during and between these negotiations including Laura and Christine who I'd not seen for ages, and the estate agent I saw the other flat with yesterday so we could have a feedback and windup conversation while buying our lunch. I give thanks Pastel de Nata have arrived in town at last, though they'd sold out by the time I got there.

I give thanks for some bright warm sunshine whilst trudging to and fro, for not being blown over by the ferocious wind, though it had a damn good try. For buses being on time and for my legs carrying me where they did not go. For my kidney for keeping going...

Homeless

Last night I dreamt I was in a homeless hostel desperate for a mug of tea and eggs on toast but too embarrassed to ask so I pretended to be a volunteer! I give thanks my subconscious is doing the fretting for me!

Today I give thanks for tackling the sitaution from various angles. I called in offers of boxes and assistance packing them and went to see numerous estate agents in town including the one selling the flat, who confirmed yes it is all going ahead and no she doesn't know why I didn't! I've viewed a possible place to buy,  have an appointment to see another tomorrow, and copious details of rentals but am still not sure 6 month rental is a good idea if I do want to put in an offer for one of those, though it would save the problem (and expense) of storage. And it is encouraging to hear that although the letting agents all say no benefits the ones I've talked to say the ones I'm on with the capital I'll have should mean it's OK.

I give thanks I've also arranged to see a holiday apartment down the road which I could have as a fairly open-ended winter let if I don't mind it a) not being done up and b) it not being available for four days in November. Sounds better than a park bench I said and the chap seems very nice and understanding.

I give thanks for remaining good humoured and in reasonable good health. Now would be an exceptionally bad time to start dialysis! I am very tired though, and joints are complaining about all the running around so I give thanks I still have a roof over my head and my own bath and bed to relax in. I give thanks for reminding myself I'm still a long way from homeless - and no fixed abode should hopefully be as bad as it gets...

Stir it up

My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue...and very tangled knotty yarn! I give thanks for contacting the estate agent to see when they were going to start advertising my flat again and they told me the buyer had an extension on their mortgage offer so the deal wasn't off yet, although this is still dependent on the freeholder sorting out the lease. Before you all start hitting the 'like' button, bear in mind the new offer nobody thought to mention expires in 2 weeks! My solicitor says they didn't know anything about it...and they don't know whether the purchase on the new place is officially not happening either...so, it could all go ahead, or the sale could go through but I could have nowhere to move to, while all the stuff you'd normally sort out in the run up to vacating a property, including arranging some extra funds and an actual physical removal hasn't been done. I feel I should be fretting more, but you know what? I am (presumably temporarily) fresh out of fret! Maybe there is just too much confusion and uncertainty for normal human fret to encompass it, let alone for someone in my state of disrepair with matters of renal expiration on my mind! I give thanks for not letting it get to my blood pressure anyway as it's Aranesp day and it has to be low for that...

I give thanks for a quiet day neighbour wise. For pottering about with chores useful whatever may transpire like sorting through some more papers and clothes. I give thanks for the sound of the wind in the crisping leaves. For lots of cups of mugs of Earl Grey tea and not a great deal of pain.

Eternal father strong to save

I give thanks for spotting these knitted sea creatures at the harbour yesterday. Particularly love the scallops! The sign said if you'd appreciated the craftwork they'd appreciate it if you donated to the Seaman's Mission so I give thanks a passing seaman was able to tell me how - there was a collection tub in the Harbour Office. And yes of course I found it and donated a bob or two! I give thanks for those in peril on the sea safely delivered and I give thanks for remembering the above hymn, a favourite from early childhood - there's just something about those intervals sends shivers down my spine!

I give thanks for my hands allowing me to knit a few rows of Rachel's jumper and attend to various household chores. I was out for nine hours yesterday but there was mysteriously still a pile of washing up!

I give thanks for expressing my thanks to the medical supply company for their appreciation of my poem and politely enquiring why they'd said in the competition details second prize included £20 Waterstones vouchers but I was only getting £15. I thought there maybe some entries had tied and they were allocated differently but apparently it was just a mistake and I should receive the higher amount so I am even more grateful.

My way

I give thanks I had a blood test this morning, otherwise the joint pain and muscle cramps and swollen foot might have meant I stayed in bed...and that would have been a terrible waste as, apart from these major inconveniences, I felt fine. And of course I was grateful for that too!

Pleasure is a good way to treat pain as miserableness only makes it worse, so after the poor woman finally managed to get enough gore out of my arm I armed myself with favourite tunes and a snack or two and clambered onto a bus to watch the world go by...and by...and by! I give thanks for getting a seat not facing backwards or sideways or up a step right at the back where you can't see out of the window...and for all the things I saw. I love those cameo glimpses of life you get when travelling observantly. For the reflections in the water when the sun came out...and the mother of pearl river when it set.

I still hurt but I give thanks for turning it into a lovely day. For there not being any messages saying my bloods were awful when I got home. My mobile was sensibly off to avoid them catching me on there, though it would have been kind of funny to be able to say 'Oh I'm sorry I didn't realise I was so ill, I went out to be happy instead!' I also give thanks for finding out the 'Something Inside' poem I entered in that competition about change won second prize. Woohoo, get me!

This is me

Yay! I give thanks for finishing binding that bathroom mat...and for being very pleased with the result. All I need to do now is sew the second one before the first needs washing! I give thanks for also giving the windows a bit of a clean in instalments over the last couple days. I give thanks the bird poo landed on the one I'd not yet done...and for discovering the cream I got for my knees is good for shoulders too!

I give thanks for the chaps upstairs going out for part of the evening so I didn't have to be conscious of their every move nor be self-conscious of them being aware of mine. Such a privilege and pleasure! I give thanks for enjoying Kingsman - a sort of cross between Shaun of the Dead and James Bond. Silly, but very enjoyable if you don't mind exploding heads!

Today I give thanks for going out and doing something very unusual for me - interacting with others of the human race. I've nothing against this in principle, but in practice what goes on in my mind seems to have so little to do with what seems to go on in other people's it easier to be a recluse. However, I saw a flyer in the chemist for something I figured might be up my street and as it wasn't too many streets away, in daylight hours and with tea and cake for a donation, I thought I'd give it a go. I give thanks it turned out to be an astonishingly enjoyable and interesting afternoon and, as others seemed to agree, there might even be more to come. What was it? A death cafe - a discussion group about, well...death! Not a religious service, therapy or counselling, just a bunch of diverse people getting together and pondering on various aspects of the imponderable because they think it's a worthwhile thing to do...and were delighted to find others who didn't think it a taboo subject. Very bonding it was - oh and great cake too!

My generation

I give thanks for the fabulous warm sunny weather generating enough enthusiasm to get outdoors. I was in a lot of pain so couldn't walk far, and when I got to the bus stop I realised I'd left my pass on the table so couldn't ride far either - which is not necessarily a bad thing because it's so hard to get a decent seat with the marauding hoards of grey gangsters everywhere. On the way back a bunch of them were so keen to be together (so they could share their fruit pastilles it seemed) they were elbowing their way onto the vehicle like schoolkids at home time do...I give thanks I'm unlikely to live to get old. It seems you have to be rather selfish and rude and wear apalling clothing!

I give thanks for a cuppa and some gluten free carrot cake in the quietest spot I could get to. For remembering with fondness the deserted beaches of the Scilly Isles up winding lush hedgerowed lanes. For buying a pair of Mustang pumps in a fetching taupey grey which I can't pretend I need but which cheered me up a bit.

For the yachts strung out on the horizon in a race and imagining being healthy. For the church bells ringing for a wedding and imagining being loved. For the velvet grey of cygnets...and a parrot on a balcony!

From a distance

I give thanks for all the good times I have had. They've not been frequent it must be said, nor often lasted long but that makes them all the more precious. I particularly give thanks for being unaware how fleeting some would be.

I give thanks for when I've thought better times were on their way, and all I've done to try to make them happen. For how when I've been suffering, scared or sad this has given me hope and encouragement even if ultimately things have not turned out how I wanted them to.

I give thanks for all I've learned from the bad times, particularly to have compassion for perpetrators when perpetrators have been involved. And also for those who think when somebody is struggling it must be due to bad genes, management or behaviour...unless it's themselves of course, in which case it's just bad luck or someone else's fault!

I give thanks as I enter the last part of my life I understand I just have to get better at things being bad, to look even harder for the shiny moments in all the dreariness, disappointment and sighs.

Today I give thanks for a secret Santa (the young chap downstairs methinks) bringing a little pile of eBay parcels to my flat door. For taking a bucket and mop and cloths downstairs and giving the communal door a good clean...ooh and for the woosh of emptying the bucket into the bushes! I give thanks for nearly finishing a tough sewing job my machine refused before my thumb refused to go on - putting binding on the cut edge of a big mat I bought hoping for a bigger bathroom but cut into so I now have two for a small one. For lining up some clothes alterations to start when my hands have recovered so things that don't get worn for various reasons can be enjoyed again.

We are all made of stars

I give thanks for the sunset sky and the starry night, for autumn colours coming in the leaves while it's still summer warm in the sun.

I give thanks for trying to go out and do things despite very achey joints...and for soon giving up and coming home to read a book instead. I give thanks for all the bus pass tourists extending the summer season roundabouts though they sure do take up a lot of the seats!

I give thanks for the peaceful feeling I get inside when my neighbours are out. For sorting out a huge heap of clothes for the charity shop chaps when they come and take some shelves away next week (I hope!). For
finding some winter things I'd forgotten about which made me go 'Ooh, that's nice!' and which I'll certainly keep. I give thanks for canny eBay shopping and other lucky finds.

I feel good

I give thanks for simple pleasures today. For waking up feeling healthier for a start, which always helps a lot!

I give thanks for my patchwork bedcover. Not only does it encourage me to make the bed so that I can think 'Ooh, that looks nice!' every time it catches my eye but it is also the softest lightest layer to snuggle under for a snooze as I backed it with flannelette.

I give thanks for the strength to get down to town and collect eggs and meds and a chilli for tea...and for the weakness to need a sleep under this facility when I returned.

I give thanks for dark chocolate ginger biscuits on offer at the Co op for those who are allowed chocolate biscuits...and for those who are not but still like to eat a really good one now and then! Actually the very sensible hospital cookbook says 'If you must have some chocolate now and then have a coated biscuit or filled wafer rather than a slab. I give thanks for self restraint...

I give thanks for making a pot of dhal for supper. It was meant to be tomorrow's supper but I may have used all my self restraint resisting a second biscuit!

Bookends

I give thanks for dinner (and pudding!) made for me from the hospital renal cookbook, plus a treatment and exchange of educational reading material and views on the mysteries of life. In my bath afterwards, on the way to an early night, it dawned on me if I'd not had cancer I would probably never have met Rachel and might well have gone my whole life without someone with whom to discuss such interesting stuff as we do, so obviously I give thanks for this curious twist of fate. Last night one topic was common attribution bias as described by Dean Burnett. We'd both observed the process in action putting it down to specific individual's behaviour, and didn't realise it was a recognised psychological mechanism rooted in the self-preservation processes of the brain.

I give thanks for some good sleep between the many wakings up and one excellent dream I wish I could have stayed in. I was tired this morning so I give thanks for a long lie in and getting a few bits of this and that done before I got tired again.

I give thanks for a Tesco delivery, and that I've not met that driver before. Who knows, with a fair wind I might not again! I heard him arrive and went down the stairs but when I greeted him at the door he said. 'It says here I'm supposed to ring you' Through a somewhat forced smile I explained he didn't need to as I was here. I can't anyway, he said, do you know your mobile goes through to the grocery delivery service helpline? I confirmed the number for him and assured him it did not. Yes it does he said and dialled it so I could listen to 'You have reached the Tesco mobile messaging service for etc etc' No longer even smiling a bit, I explained the difference between Tesco mobile service and Tesco grocery shopping. Then with much huffing and puffing he brought the boxes upstairs. I apologised for the number of flights and for not being able to assist. Oh, its not the stairs that bother me he said, I'm fine with stairs, I can go up and down them all day, it's weights I have a problem with. I apologised again (Why? It's clear he's in the wrong job!) and said, quite truthfully, that I try to spread out the heavier things between orders. Honestly - food for one with one, two pints of milk, a single can of fruit and zero bottles of wine or beer - as deliveries go it can't be that bad surely? It's the water he said, feel that...offering me the tray containging, amongst other things, two 1.5 litre plastic bottles of water. No really, I said I'm not supposed to do any heavy lifting, that's why I appreciate these deliveries so much. Couldn't you get a carer to do it, he suggested, other people their carers do it. What? Carry the groceries for him? The man is extremely lucky I cannot lift lumpen things or he'd have gone the quick way down to his van via the window!

And relax! I give thanks for remembering Simon and Garfunkel's enchanting Bookends.

I'm a believer

So today was quite a lot about cancer. It's ten years since my diagnosis, and the illness and its aftermath have been very much on my mind. Although I didn't die as expected I lost so much of my life that was precious to me, and many dark memories of the last decade keep surfacing, while there's also a lot of physical reminders I'm right on the borders of the land of the living now anyway. Thus, in these unpromising circumstances, I give thanks for going the extra mile to find the gratitude today...

I didn't feel celebrating exactly but it might have been nice to feel a little celebrated in the manner of a birthday or happy anniversary perhaps... so I give thanks I'm a believer in doing for yourself what you would have others do for you! Though I felt rotten enough to stay in bed I give thanks for taking myself out for the afternoon away from all the stresses and strains of living here. I give thanks for managing far more walking than I thought I could, for catching a boat or two and for some sitting in the breezy sunshine watching the watersporters at play. For a refreshing mug of tea...and a piece of cake so laden with sugar I had to throw it away. Why am I grateful for the last part? Because my tastebuds are so scarred by the experience I have completely lost my sweet tooth - for now anyway!

I give thanks that Rachel is due this evening bringing acupuncture needles and something for my supper. All I need to do is to try and stay awake a little longer...

Little brown jug

OK, it's not particularly little or brown but the quintessential jugginess is undeniable. I fell in love with its shape and brought it home from the recycling centre some time ago. It had been bright yellow with some geometric pattening and a previous owner had, not unreasonably but not very skillfully, tried to repaint it white. There were thick swirls and drips in some places and a thin flaky skim in others. I'd thought I might try some fancy refinishing but it just languished in the cupboard for years...until yesterday when I decided to daub over the daubs with some leftover chalk paint. I give thanks I now consider it fit to grace my slightly rearranged bathroom as I still can't face unpacking boxes and replacing pretty things that were there before. I've not been fortunate enough to have had many homes that have felt good to live in but I give thanks for taking the trouble to make them look as nice as I can. I think it helps a bit...

Between coats I had a major telly fest and I gave thanks for a second Columbo which randomly turned out to have Leonard Nimoy as the villain after William Shatner had been the bad guy in the first! I also watched the excellent film Spotlight about the team of reporters uncovering the concealment of abuse by Catholic priests in Boston. I give thanks for all scared and ashamed children who have somebody safe and helpful to tell.

Sadly painting made my soreness much worse, but it was very noisy here today with whining power tools, and yelling children and Mr Upstairs turning his radio up to drown it out so I give thanks I thought I'd try sitting in the warm sunshine to see if that eased the pain. As it turned out to be very noisy outside too with jetskis and dogs and tourists everywhere and much more uncomfortable to move around or sit still I give thanks for giving up and going back to bed!

If I had a hammer...

...or then again, no! Hammer I have and can use it, but if I knew someone with a car and a saw and half an hour's kindness to spare my hanging could be hanging properly. In the meantime I give thanks until I have to put the winter door curtain back I can use that pole...and an extension rod I also took down during my fit of premature anticipation. It's turned out a bit of a botch job but I give thanks it's done and that I still like it enough to want to look at it as I pass by...

I've been very tired today, and sore in lots of places so I give thanks for giving myself lots of rest in between the challenges of attaching sequins and string. I give thanks for a grey day and an old Columbo.

I had a big think while I was away and decided I must not only must I try to find ways to go away more, I must also try to find new ways to fit more creativity in my life as long loved hobbies become so hard. Recreation? Well, it seems I can do OK without most forms of that much as I might pine now and then... but not so creation. The need to make manifest the sounds, images and so on that appear in our minds is a family trait, and many of us have made at least some of our living by it. Obviously there's no chance of me doing that any more, I'm rarely going to be pleasing anyone myself, but since I've had to ration these activities I've realised how essential to my (relative) wellbeing it they are.

Of course, I've thought all manner of things were essential to my well being before and then had to learn to live without them so I give thanks for also knowing nothing really matters at all...it's just nice to kid yourself it does now and then.

Second hand rose

I give thanks for the pretty sky long after sunset yesterday, in shades of Prussian blue. For the bright shiny mornings we've had lately and for being able to see them from my bed...

I give thanks for getting my proverbial into gear eventually and finding the sun still out and surprisingly warm out of the breeze...and for buying this fabulous tapestry coat in a charity shop for when it isn't any more. Apparently many have wished it was rather larger...so I give thanks that I am not!

There seemed to be queues everywhere today and lots of walking in between so I give thanks for rewarding my swollen and sore foot with a sit down for light refreshments... and after picking up books from the library and from Ann at the PO, prescription, pills, parsley and a catalogue parcel, for a jolly (and jolly necessary!) ride home with Phil the taxi driver.

I give thanks the peacefulness of neighbours being mostly elsewhere. For cleaning my bathroom until it bings, and for coming up with a way to arrange things so it seems a little more spacious. If you've seen this tiny room you might not be convinced this is possible. Well, I'll let you know when I've given it a go... Not now though, I need a rest!

Everybody hurts

My hips and knees aren't happy to be home, they kept waking me up in the night to complain about the hill and stairs. I give thanks I only had to go up and down the latter once today to collect medical supplies...and not the hill at all. Oh and I give thanks for my medical supplies delivery of course! My hands have been grumbling about having to do more than point and pay for food so I give thanks for forcing them into further action and rustling up a lentil stew and apple crumble that should last a couple of days...and for a much needed nap when I'd finished the mound of washing up.

I give thanks for QI - Even an old one can make me laugh probably exasperatingly loudly as far as the neighbours are concerned, and apart from worrying about disturbing them I was specially grateful an episode cheering me up when I'd stabbed a vein with an epipen and made myself bloody and sore. I used to love Stephen Fry in the middle chair but surprisingly Sandi Toksvig is even better and I love it when Alan Davies makes her laugh out loud too...

I give thanks for a new (?) battery for my phone arriving so hopefully it will stop turning itself off...or turning itself into a siren so loud people were evacuating the hotel when it went off. No really, not joking - they were! God knows what Mr Upstairs would make of it, he's here a lot of the time at the moment and not demonstrating a great deal of philosophical acceptance of life's troubles and trials

I give thanks for working on mine.

I should be so lucky

Well I've shopped and I've cooked and I've washed pots and laundry and I'm ready for another holiday now I reckon! I give thanks for believing I'll have one one day...as the best bits of my life at the moment are definitely the bits when I escape it. I give thanks for books and film and music and other means of distraction.

Meanwhile, now I've given up getting ready to move, have no imminent trips to prepare for and can't face unpacking boxes or stashed away winter woolies, I give thanks for starting to put some measures in place for when I start dialysis. I give thanks for purchasing a small cheap tablet I hope to be able to operate with my less than nimble left hand, and which won't be too costly to replace if I drop it in the process. I give thanks for beginning to gather some new outfits as the many long sleeved layers I have to wear to keep cosy in my chilly flat will be totally impractical on days when I have treatment,

I give thanks for a bit of warm sunshine to sit in with a book on a tea break from my in town chores. For the autumnal light, so poignant and so pretty.

I give thanks for finding some wryly amusing 'tales of the misunderstood' ie true stories of life with physical and mental conditions.

podcast - https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p05cpzy3

transcript - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-41009928

I give thanks for being a good little patient and booking my next blood test and flu jab without being nagged...and for making the doc's receptionist laugh in the process.

Baker Street

I give thanks for public transport. What a wonderful thing to get from A to B without operating a vehicle or trying to maintain the mental state of the one who is! Your choice of music in your ears and a fascinating ever changing panorama to entertain your eyes. Particular thanks today for Baker Street's ancient arches turning the illuminated waiting passengers into images in an exhibition.

I give thanks for feeling remarkably unscathed from one of the most relaxed and refreshing short breaks I've ever had. I give thanks for being home because...er because...the weather's changed, there's a bath and I can pause, rewind and record the TV!

I give thanks for ordering a new battery for my very poorly phone to see if that makes it better. If not, well I give thanks for two good years from a reconditioned buy.

This could be the last time

I give thanks I'm functioning well and happy...but my phone, it seems, is very poorly. So until I get back home again tomorrow I'm afraid this is your lot!

Lovely trees in the coastal park I was in today, stiff breeze blowing the clouds away and a veggie bacon BLT for lunch. For plenty more warm sunshine and much sitting about in it watching the world go by and reading a book. It going to get harder and harder but I mustn't get up. I do love holidays...

Trains and boats and planes

So last a little while ago I went to somewhere planes leave the country, and yesterday I went somewhere trains leave the country and today I went somewhere ships do. Oh the temptation and the self restraint! I give thanks this time I did leave the shore on a boat and went quite far and fast past far more white cliffs than I was aware existed to somewhere where we went quite slow and only very slightly disturbed some sleepy sunbathing seals.

I give thanks for this and other adventures, some planned and otherwise. For being well enough to enjoy them. In fact, due to lack of stress and responsibility plus lots of pleasant distraction making me forget I shouldn't I guess, feeling better than I have for quite a while. I give thanks for room service breakfast and someone else to wash up and clean. For another day of gloriously warm sunshine and so many new things to see.

For finding a vegetarian Jamaica patty just when I needed one in a shop that should have been shut but wasn't... Ooh and I've just remembered a bag of garden grown pairs for 50p!

She's leaving home

...only for a day or two but you folk who have proper holidays, and indeed proper homes, probably have no idea quite how grateful I am for this! I'm certainly where the sun shines brighter and I can see foreign shores even though, of course, I'm not allowed to visit them.

I give thanks for my inner alarm clock waking me up at just the right time to get ready to catch the train as my phone charger wasn't correctly connected, drained the battery and turned it off so it couldn't do so.

I give thanks for the novelty of gorgeously ornate and grimy ancient city stations and shiny high rise blocks. For knowing just where to go to catch my direct tube... And for coping with joining the confused crowds redirected through an underground adventure tour as several major lines and stations were closed. My it was busy, and heavens it was hot! I give thanks for having a rucksack not a case and for someone offering me a seat in the crush.

I give thanks for loving the journey and being very pleased with my choice of escape venue now I'm here - especially the views and the ice-cream so far. For curtailing exploration for this evening as my foot has taken swollen to a whole new level and must lounge with me on the bed. It has taken quite a pounding today and I give thanks it's not too sore.