Behind closed doors

I give thanks for the screen I put in front on the door in the evening. There were people who maybe didn't get my need for a psychological barrier, so how about a physical one? Late this morning, when I was finally fast asleep after another difficult night, my landlord knocked on the door...and when I didn't answer it (hoping he'd go away) he opened it instead while I'm lying in bed on the other side of it attached to my nightly needs, and it gave me a few moments to sort myself out. He needed to empty the meter and he'd sent me an email to explain but of course I hadn't read it. I give thanks most of us of in this country don't live like this... How fortunate we are eh? And when not long after another resident's child was having a tantrum on my doorstep I remembered to give thanks I only have myself to look after here, not a family.

I've been trying to think of ways to improve my mindset at this difficult time so I give thanks for putting on one of my favourite dresses today, even though I was doing nothing special. For thinking of treating myself to something naughty but nice for lunch to avoid the horrors of the kitchen...but the chippy was doing a roaring trade with all the visitors and had no special deals, and when I went on a bus to a place with a tapas bar I found it had closed down. I give thanks for raiding the Co op and Waitrose on the way home and finding some tempting dishes. For all the excited people filling their trolleys for parties and celebrations.

I give thanks for looking in a major national flooring store to check if shopping local as I planned to was wise, and finding their carpets were all wrong! For a well stocked and friendly veg stall in the market and for amazing daisies which flower all year round for free!

Night and day

I give thanks when you scream in a dream it can be hard to make a sound. I've been plagued with nightmares recently and it's bad enough them disturbing me without waking everyone else in the building. I give thanks for my earplugs to soften the sounds that bug me - the TV above my head, the squawking kids and yapping dogs, slamming doors and footballs on the carpark, footsteps on the stairs.

I give thanks for Mima offering to do more washing, and for getting a lift down the hill when she came to collect it. Despite my sore joints, I'd thought a stroll might do me good but the promenade and seawall were teeming with folk taking their seasonal walks so I soon plodded back up it. I give thanks for seeing families apparently having fun, and for remembering however miserable a period this may be for me for many it is a time of festivity and pleasure.

I give thanks for a pot of Patak's Korma paste and persevering in turning some elderly vegetables into a passable meal with quorn. For having a go at cleaning the mildew off the kitchen wall while it cooked, but with less success.

I give thanks that Julie didn't get the memo about me not needing any books this Christmas and giving me one. I've hardly put it down!

Cloud number nine

I give thanks for waking up comfortable - that's so rare that I'm always puzzled for a while trying to work out what's missing! I give thanks for moving eventually and breaking the spell for sorties to the kitchen for tea and toast, and for having the ingredients and inclination. For listening to the many noises in and around the building and accepting I can but strive for inner peace as I'm never going to be rich enough to have the outer sort. For being grateful I don't have more money because the more well off people seem to be materially the less they seem to be able to empathise or realise the ironies of life...

I give thanks for the amusement of musing on the 'news'. All the papers that were recently filled with recipe supplements are now offering free slimming club membership, and Weatherspoons are having a sale on alcohol - because otherwise people wouldn't drink so much, right? For there still being an end of year Top of the Pops, but with a studio audience old enough to be the performers' mums and dads (BBC employees I think)...and for finding out in Siberia they can (and do) block your sewers if you are in debt.

I give thanks for keeping clean and fed and moderately well. Everything seems to take forever at the moment and I missed a lot of the sunshine looking for my shades. I give thanks for the interesting clouds though...

Can't buy me love

I give thanks the heating was on for longer last night. This meant I was warm enough to do the washing up after eating and that meant I discovered there was lots of hot water and could selfishly syphon off a bathful for myself!

I give thanks for getting up at a fairly respectable time despite nightmares, shivers and pain disturbing my sleep quite badly, and thus being on the ball when the mortgage company not only tried to make me pay for another survey when they did one on that property less than two months ago, but wanted me to pay more for one than the price as quoted and paid before. I give thanks for being rather insistent and fierce until they checked the details and backed down.

I give thanks for finally getting round to picking up my pretty turquoise chenille throw as ordered a while ago, and picking up a few other things while I was there. I don't think I've experienced the post Christmas crush in the city since I lived there so it was a bit of an endurance test, but staying indoors is an endurance test at the moment so I give thanks for the variety.

I give thanks for not giving in to the temptation to buy a rather pleasing jumper in town here yesterday day for eighteen pounds as I found a perfectly acceptable one for eight! It still seemed rather extravagant but I seriously misjudged what to wear while staying here and another warm layer is required.

I give thanks for also, somewhat optimistically, buying two rolls of wallpaper I've had my eye on for a while. It's slightly textured and even more slightly sparkly in palest grey and would look good in my bedroom to be, I imagine. I give thanks I could only find two rolls with the same serial number as, though they won't go far, they were surprisingly heavy and I couldn't have have carried three very far at all.

I give thanks for finally getting this written and posted after the internet kept dropping out...and, after a hearty tea, I kept dropping off!

Close to you

I give thanks for the bright mild sunshine, most uplifting to the soul...And for the cold in the shadows reminding me it's not that bad indoors! For discovering behind the blinds I don't open for privacy there are windows that aren't completely closed, contributing to the chill here, and for managing to unstick one and shut it!

I give thanks for having prescriptions to pick up and an appointment to attend as this meant I got some fresh air and exercise. For my previously infected toe getting a clean bill of health...

I give thanks for the coastline and water being particularly photogenic today...and for having my phone with me as I'm not sure where my camera might be...

I give thanks for TV treats including a trip down memory lane to a Valentine's Day when half the UK and countless others around the world held their breath for 4 mins 18 seconds while a romantic tale was told, and the excellent Roald Dahl-esque story telling of David Walliams. The Midnight Gang adaptation was so funny and moving!

Pure shores

Ooh I give thanks for an extra hour of central heating late yesterday afternoon! It warmed me up enough to wash up, tidy the living area and make the bed before layering on extra clothes again and refilling my hot water bottle for another session of chilling in a whole different way from most other folks in the evening! I give thanks for finding some things on TV to escape from reality.

I give thanks for finally waking up properly late in the morning after long hours tussling with pains, and bad dreams and tubular confusion. I give thanks I could see from the nci webcam it was a fine morning for the Walk into the Sea, though I suspect the sea was rather nippy as the walkers didn't go out as far or stay as long as they sometimes do. I give thanks for social media posts about this and other charity and/or fancy dress fun. I stepped into the shower again, that's adventurous enough for me...and of course charitable to others!

I give thanks for eating plenty but remaining pretty pure from my diet point of view having only one square of chocolate and one piece of date filled baklava so far...

I give thanks for putting rugs and throws about here to make myself more comfy and cosy. It also meant when I spilt a full mug of tea just now it mostly soaked my own things.

Splish splash

I give thanks for deciding to brave the bleak facilities for a soak last night with a book, a mug of chamomile tea and my heater on in the hall outside...because the water soon turned from warm to cold and while this was most disappointing running a bath it would have been far worse running a shower! The big radiator was not on last night or this morning so I give thanks my little heater managed to dry my towel for an alternately scalding and freezing shower late this morning, and that no one will get close to me this Christmas as I'm not as well washed as I might be....

I give thanks for getting some sleep... And for managing to get out of bed to get tea when I woke up  - the mattress here and my back do not get on well at all! For kind people asking me if I'd like to be sociable and being understanding when I said no, I really wouldn't today as I'm feeling far from festive. Sometimes to deal with hard times you have to retreat inside and the last few months I've been shrinking so far in I'm not sure how to get myself back. I give thanks, as far as I know, people I know are happy anyway...

I give thanks for some thoughtful presents including two scarves, two cosmetic bags, various smelly things to be saved for a more fragrant environment and sweet treats to be taken in small measures, plus a recommended biography and...the gift that's flown many miles to get here...a model Spitfire of course!

I give thanks for the hour the heating came on. I danced naked in the wrapping paper. No, I didn't really, I took off the beanie I'd been wearing all day to keep tepid and relaxed enough to have a nap.

I give thanks I'm not on the streets. Nor in a hostel. Nor in a hospital.

Big yellow taxi

I give thanks I can be fairly confident none of my readers are likely to ever spend Christmas in a chilly conservatory in a carpark, alone, unwell, in pain and on a restricted diet but...just in case you do...here's a tip. Do NOT watch A Christmas Carol because you'll end up feeling it's all your fault for being a thoroughly unpleasant person!

I give thanks for the bits when my landlords felt it was nippy enough to put the heating on. For going out for a short while to pick up essentials including a little daylight. For coming back as quickly as possible as the cold got in my inflamed sinuses giving me a horrible headache and made my right hand go numb so it was even less use than my left one. I was very aware I wasn't a shopper you'd want to have in your queue!

I give thanks for my bed, my cooker, my fridge freezer, washing machine and digibox. I miss them all very much...

Rocking around the Christmas tree

I give thanks for feeling better after sleep and food and warmth. As my body reaches rock bottom the need for basic needs to be met can become very urgent very quickly and I give thanks as long I can keep meeting them so far I can recover again. I give thanks for getting up again for supper, a bath and the final gripping episodes of The Sinner.

I give thanks for trying to relax today. The concept always makes me smile, because if you're trying you're not relaxing are you? Most tasks here require considerable physical effort due to bodily malfunction, or less than helpful interior design, or the combination of the two and so there's a lot of mental effort expended on self motivation and encouragement. I give thanks for the enormous satisfaction to thus be gained for achieving anything at all. Washing self and dressing, washing pots and hair and undies and making scrambled eggs on crumpets for lunch and I felt like I'd been on a jaunt with Bear Grylls!

I give thanks for buying a cheap TV paper yesterday and thus spotting 5USA was putting on a Columbo fest this afternoon. I may have seen those episodes many years ago but not recently so it was a undemanding way to pass the hours. For using the advert breaks to tackle more convoluted chores, cleaning, tidying, cooking and for catching some mini snoozes. I give thanks for my throw and hot water bottle and pound coins for the meter!

Driving home for Christmas

I give thanks for Fulfords' estate agents after care which, with the help of my flat's new owner and ex neighbours, means post going to my old address is still reaching me. Today this included calling to tell me a parcel card had arrived. This was for my gift from Kostas which traveled to Greece from Florida with his sister and was sent to me from there! I collected it from the Post Office earlier but haven't opened it so I still don't know what it might be...

I give thanks for my voice creaking back as I had to use it quite a bit today...and for soothing my throat with a Booja Booja ice cream on the seafront. This was soothing to my soul as well as I found all the hustle and bustle in town rather tiring. I give thanks for walking many steps more than intended between various places I had to be before various closing times, and to collect odds and ends of groceries. For Mima making me a cuppa and lunch before driving me, my shopping bags and my clean laundry home.

I give thanks for shortly after taking to my bed as I really don't feel all that bright right now and snuggled up cosy under the covers seems the best place for me to be.

Lazybones

Mmm I was very grateful for an idle evening and a long lie in this morning. All body parts rather refreshed except toes and vocal chords! In a way I'm grateful for the latter as it lets me off making a few chase up phone calls tying up loose ends from leaving old home and moving towards moving into new, but of course my brain doesn't let me off thinking about them and I'm hoping after the seasonal shut down some answers to some queries will turn up anyway. In the meantime it can work on not feeling I'm being 'lazy' by not pushing myself harder than I am. What I'm doing is staying alive, moderately healthy and away from dialysis machines in some rather challenging circumstances. Sometimes this requires a bit of a sit down...

I give thanks for working out some meals I'm allowed to have, can put together in the cramped cold kitchen here, and for which ingredients are available in town.  I won't be having 'Christmas' in any way anyone would recognise but I'll still need to eat over the next week of couple of weeks of consumer mayhem and I'd like to eat as well as I can. I give thanks I'm only cooking for one and will not be expected to make any conversation while I do it!

I give thanks for taking recycling to the big bins and saying hello to the beautiful sea. For the patience of shopkeepers and business people while I whispered my business and for not getting rained on again! For tracking down some missing meds and the recommended dressings so I can rewrap my difficult digits.

I give thanks for Bob's Christmas box arriving earlier than I think it ever has before. I give thanks though he's not very chatty right now he has a wonderful reason to be otherwise occupied...

I will survive

I give thanks for only waking up once in the night to cough and for finding half a lemon and a teaspoon of honey to make a drink to make it go away. Wish I could say the same for my sore toes! For calling the launderette this morning and thus discovering I'd lost my voice...and for promising myself, yet again, a morning in bed,  until the mortgage forms came and I decided getting them signed and returned was more important. For Mima picking up some washing for me and giving me a lift into town where I managed to whisper and sign language my way through necessary transactions.

I give thanks for the mildness of the weather, it makes being here far easier (and cheaper!) not being so cold. For not getting wet outside today and the roof repairs seeming to hold. For a hot water bottle on my chest when I got home, that was wonderfully soothing! And, after a rest, making a nice lunch to lounge on the sofa with. It's the first time I've attempted a lounge in the two weeks I've been here and I'm grateful it's quite comfortable, though cars parking, reversing and disgorging inches away means it's rarely restful.

I give thanks cooking is certainly easier when you don't need outdoor clothes to do it in and I'm getting better at finding the right angle to reach into the oven so my burns get smaller each time. There's no room to stand in front and open the door in case you're wondering...

Whisky in the jar

Tell you a good thing about hanging about for buses in the dreary weather yesterday - it made me very grateful when they turned up! I was also grateful so many other people have cars because the streams of head and tail lights looked so pretty through the rain streaming down the windows. And for people having rooves and gardens and fences to decorate with seasonal displays for my further entertainment. I was also grateful to get indoors at the end of it even if indoors seems far from 'home'. And a good thing about not having a proper home is that it's easier to treat yourself to ready made food when you're out instead of struggling to shop for and cook it. Yesterday I had half a goat's cheese sandwich for my lunch in transit and brought the remainder home to toast for my tea with leftover stew. Delicious!

I give thanks for the end of term feeling that came with the last of the medical and financial matters over for over a week (I hope!) and for celebrating with a wee dram of whisky liqueur - in a trifle type dessert of course! For discovering I really do have a cough and cold because I so rarely get them and it's actually a pleasant change to have something the matter with me that others can understand. For promising myself a long lie in after coughing so much in the night...and for being philosophical when my landlords messaged me to say they had some more repairs to do this morning and then set off the fire alarm! I got up and put clean sheets on the bed instead and promised myself a nap when I got home later.

I give thanks for a nice lunch and chat with members of the Revive group and then dashing off to pick up specs and take tea and cake with the crafters. And yes I really did dash as it was tipping it down and I didn't have my mac what with the weather being so pleasant when I left! I give thanks for doing exactly as planned when I get home, stripping off wet clothing and catching some zees. And, though I forgot to pick up cough medicine, for the vile tasting Olbas oil pastilles I bought the other day being quite effective. I'm very aware everyone in the building must know I need them...

Imagine

Forgive me for sounding a bit bah humbug yesterday. I really do give thanks that people have good things going on, whether seasonal or otherwise...perhaps especially the otherwise. When I imagine what it might be like to have close family or friends, or a partner, I imagine it feels pretty good (most of the time) and I love that the universe has love built in.

I give thanks for wrapping some presents while cooking some tea last night, and filling a hot water bottle so when I just couldn't move any more I didn't have to. I give thanks for watching a bit of University Challenge and getting some answers right. For ordering myself a throw I saw in a store on Sunday that seemed to be cheaper online. It was such a pretty colour and an excess of cosiness unlikely to be problem for the next few weeks! I give thanks an excess of pain led to me giving in and taking one of my magic pills and getting a better night's sleep...

This morning I give thanks for getting the temperature right in the mains water shower and for being able to deal with my morning challenges at a suitably leisurely pace. For Jo from the Revive group organising a Christmas meal at Weatherspoons tomorrow to which I'm invited...and, fingers crossed for being able to go.

I give thanks for public transport and National Health Service appointments, and for leagues of friends bookstalls and well stocked cafés when they run on vastly incompatible schedules. For a friendly fellow sufferer and his loving Labrador assistant who could tell I needed furry affection and for finally finding a spot where the internet worked. Most of all I give thanks for the podiatrist not sending me away with a flea in my ear but diligently (and as gently as possible) working to alleviate my discomfort, find me another appointment soon and taking the details of my renal consultant to discuss if I'm well enough for surgery. She inadvertently let slip my current GFR in the process...and, after recovering from the shock, I gave thanks for my insane resilience. How I'm continuing to function almost normally I cannot begin to imagine, but I will never ever berate myself for needing a nap again.

I'm sorry

It's the time of year when what I most hear is 'Don't bother me, I'm getting ready for Christmas', and I give thanks for trying to maintain goodwill and compassion and bother people as little as I can! It would be best I'm sure if I could deliver any cards and gifts I intend to send some time in November and then disappear into some alternative dimension so as not to interrupt important preparations for spending valuable time with precious people.  Being not very well and not very well provided for just makes it worse as I'm the kind of person people like to think they're kind to and either they don't realise they're being rude and dismissive, or on one level they think it's fine because I'm not quite worthy of their sparkly attention but on another wonder if that's a worthy thought to have!  I give thanks I haven't had any awkward charitable invitations to assuage any consciences yet - my lack of social charm has its benefits you see!

Anyway, I give thanks not only were builders summoned to look at the roof here this morning but I was consulted as to what time they should come. I give thanks I already had a morning appointment to hear the underwriters' verdict so had to get up though I was awake in the night uncomfortable and a lie in would have been welcome. I give thanks for the verdict being positive, and for a lift half way to the library to do printing and photocopying again. For finishing Christmas shopping because I like to give presents and if finding time to receive them is a pain that's tough! And for buying a fish and chip £5 special to eat on the seafront while the work finished here because even with a young gull chorus that was more peaceful than hammering and scraping overhead and people in and out.

I give thanks for huddling under the covers with my clothes on when I got home and falling fast asleep. I've a sore throat and a runny nose and that nasty prickly nerve pain is back so it's super important not to feel sorry for myself or I will start to feel worse. I give thanks I have my podiatry assessment appointment tomorrow and though this means two buses each way on a wet and windy day it may be a step towards happier feet.

A winter's tale

I give thanks as long as I'm not too tired or stressed my appetite is still hearty. You have to be seriously motivated to cook in the kitchen here but I give thanks it makes the place warmer when you do! I give thanks for two helpings of veggie lentil stew followed by two helpings of renal friendly bread and butter pudding last night.

I give thanks for the wind dying down and the rain drying up, and my aches and pains easing off too so I could go out for a few hours today. For a ferocious hail storm...when I was on the bus! For discovering a new food store with lots of Mediterranean and Middle Eastern favourites. Great selection of tinned and packet items and fresh baklava, olives, sheep's cheese and so on. Near the bus station too which would be handy for bringing things home when I have a home to bring them to...

As for the rest of the city, it was interesting to see and hear what the other 95% are doing this time of year and I gave thanks I didn't have to join in! For my equivalent of a super sinful Christmas cocktail - a medium size cappuccino. Mmmhhhmmm, a treat for my tastebuds indeed! For a delightful band playing in the shopping centre - reminded me of Breton music as heard on Brittany - and for the good natured if down on his luck tin whistle player sitting on the pavement in the rain. I thanked him for doing something useful and cheerful and popped some money in his hat!

My main reasons for going out were to get out of here as it can get rather glum, and to look for things to look forward to buying when I can home make again. I give thanks those missions were accomplished, for Wilko where people without cars can look at wallpaper and paint....and for all the lush free heat in shops and vehicles!

Rainy days and Mondays

I give thanks for my hot water bottle - tucked into my back it helps to keep my core temperature high enough to function. I give thanks for not needing to function much today anyway! I was so tired and sore yesterday and had been yearning for a quiet battery recharge but as Jenny was going to be at the launderette I give thanks for getting up and trying to psych myself (and dress myself) ready to summon a cab in the pouring rain. And for then thinking nah...stop and have another cuppa first. I give thanks it was during this delay that Laura phoned offering to come and pick up a load of washing to process for me at her house and, as she was coming via Morrisons to pick me up essential supplies.This was something to be extremely grateful for in itself of course, but it also meant I was here when the rain started coming through the ceiling so could get a bowl to catch it.

I give thanks as it's a rented flat I have people to pass the buck to, but it can't be fixed immediately and it's a pretty miserable state of affairs on top of everything. I give thanks it is a good excuse for staying indoors but it mars the sense of relaxation I was hoping for, not least because the owners understandably want to come in and keep an eye on it too. I give thanks I'm used to drips, and the uneasiness I feel from other's comings and goings close by my living space, and hearing footsteps and voices and TV overhead but, as these features in my old home contributed to me wanting to leave, leaving them behind can't happen too fast for me.

I give thanks for losing myself in catching up with the first few episodes of The Sinner on iplayer (under two covers with a hoodie on top of my clothes!) I saw it advertised on BBC a while ago but with all the 'excitement' of the last couple of weeks I'd not managed to be in front of the TV for an episode yet. Excellent stuff!

I give thanks for making a pan of odds and ends stew and for Mima bringing me the odds and ends from my freezer she'd been keeping in hers. The little compartment with the broken door in the top of the fridge here is jam packed and some of what didn't fit fit nicely into the pot. I give thanks by the time that was sorted the heating was on again and the knots in my mind and body unwound enough for a lovely sleep.

Brimful of Asha

I give thanks for when the radiator comes on and when the internet connects. Simple pleasures here :-) I was in a great rush to use the latter when I opened a little packet that came and realised it was from my Reddit Secret Santa. It was a Thankful Diary and the challenge to write in it every day for a year and see if it changed my life. You're supposed to post a picture of your gift, with a rating and a comment so I rated it as excellent and posted a picture of it beside my blog on my tablet screen to show I had the staying power to complete the task!

I give thanks for going out in the freezing cold and posting a little present to old friends who are basking in the sun! Do to others and all that! For checking out the corner shop across the road from the new place. For it being a good corner shop too! For Archie the estate agent eventually turning up with the keys so I could have a bit of a closer look and measure up inside. Some rooms seem different from how I remembered them - one bigger, one smaller -  but all the stuff I asked to be removed is still there so he'll get on to the owners about that. I give thanks for a lift back in his cosy car afterwards.

I give thanks for the mortgage company calling me back when they said they would! Unfortunately all the senior underwriters had already gone home for their teas so they can't give me a decision until Monday, but as they were agreeing to the almost exactly the same circumstances up until yesterday I'm mostly optimistic. I give thanks I even feel brave enough to see if there's enough hot bath water for a bath...

Rhapsody in blue

I give thanks for discovering the BBC drama Mrs Wilson was based on real people and events. It makes the somewhat unresolved storyline make so much more sense and explained the 'coincidence' of the lead actress being called Wilson too. Old softy that I am it brought years to my eyes seeing the real family extending at the end...

I'm partial to a biopic so I give thanks after a too wakeful night and an early start for three and a half hours more miserable going round in circles with Chelsea getting increasingly cold despite adding layer upon layer of clothes I gave myself the afternoon off to take a train ride and go and see Bohemian Rhapsody. It made a great escape from stress and shivering and I give thanks for the literally awesome performances and re-creations, plus a lot of poignant personal memories, a tub of popcorn and, when the train home I might have caught was cancelled, for finding two sorts of favourite teabags in a nearby health food shop, a nice loaf of bread and a massive home made fish cake for my tea!

I give thanks for seeing the lights and trees decorating houses we passed, and for filling a hot water bottle to huddle against before checking emails when I got home. It seems the vendors of the flat I want to buy are pushing for an exchange asap now so I'm extra grateful I didn't realise that before skived off from office duties a few hours.

I give thanks there's nothing on real time terrestrial TV I want to watch so that after I've finished a bit of vacuuming to get the circulation going I can make toast and chamomile tea and retire to bed to get snug

Runaround Sue

I give thanks for getting 'back to the office' yesterday evening as this lightened the load for today, especially as the office has dodgy internet connection and no printer and the mortgage company have no idea who should be dealing with me any more and keep sending me to talk at length to other departments. This is not to beg for money yet, just to find the right folk to even listen to my request!

I give thanks I had pressing prescription matters to attend to today, so I got out in the very fresh air and saw the turbulent sea in between the doctor's surgery, the optician and the two pharmacies. I was just on my way to do some printing at the library when I met Jenny and realised I was accidentally arriving on the right day and time for the the craft club though I had completely forgotten it was also her birthday too! I give thanks she brought cake and, as the kitty was full, Cathy said cuppas were free this time. She also said my buyer was her new neighbour's son! They had moved into a bungalow near her earlier this year, obviously expecting him to be moving out.

I give thanks for forgetting Jenny's birthday made me remember someone else's coming up, so after going to the florist for a plant for the former I had a look for something for the latter, and some non-Christmas paper, and some Cauldron sausages for a hasty tea before the next round of phone and transfer, hold and hold on we'll call you back! I give thanks this stage of the the long and arduous relocation process involves mostly sitting still...

King of the road

I give thanks for my fabulous festive dinner with Rachel! For someone who wasn't feeling well a surprising amount of olive bread with smoked mackerel pate and chickory leaves, curried chickpea, sweet potato and cauliflower pie with couscous, tender stem broccoli and roasted carrots and a sort of raspberry fool with crème fraiche and cream was tucked away! I gave thanks for my lovely presents too, and for her understanding that though I put a lot of thought into her gifts, what with one thing and another thought didn't actually turn into much in the way of action!

I give thanks for a relaxing treatment while she battled with a mountain of washing up in a molehill of a kitchen...and, after seeing her off, for going straight to bed where I remained for many hours! I've been had to keep pushing myself for so long and have been feeling increasingly the worse for it, so I thought as this is the first day out of ten that there's nothing that must be done, that nothing would be! It was lush! I timed a long bath for when there was lots of hot water (but the out of my control central heating was off so I kept warm), washed my hair, read a book, watched something I'd missed on TV on my tablet and generally gave myself an easy time, enhanced by the fact that even after I was dressed most of this took place under the covers for improved body temperature and internet signal.

I give thanks for Febreze, so that the smalls I washed a couple of days ago and dripped over the bath like something out of a sixties movie have lost their slow dried smell. And for the sounds of it the building's owners putting up their decorations on the other side of the partition wall. It's a time of year when I'm often aware of the social divide but this season it's physically real! I even have a large scarf wrapped round my head and shoulders for cosiness, so that I look like a peasant as well as feel like one. I give thanks I don't mind...this downturn in quality of life results from trying to improve it and I'm sure it will in the end. I give thanks for discovering the Proclaimers cover of this song. I've loved Roger Miller's since I was seven but I think theirs is an even better version...

Please Mr Postman

Mmm... I give thanks for the resting bits today! Still lots to do, but I give thanks for reminding myself the pressure will ease off soon and, unless the vendors of the new place are in a great hurry, I'll get to properly relax and refresh myself even if it's just briefly before the mayhem starts again...

I give thanks for locating and winning a battle with cling film and anaesthetic cream in time for this morning's blood test. I was then going to go to the Post Office to redirect my mail, but they require so much notice, so much dosh and had such a long queue I bought a takeaway tea instead and sat and stared at the sea. That was worth giving thanks for in itself but it also gave me the chance to weighed up expenditure and value.

This stop and go move has a seemingly insatiable appetite for my limited funds and I don't have very much mail so I give thanks for another session of phone and internet updating of records instead so that I now reckon pretty much everyone who needs to know where I am now does...Maybe I'll splash out on some new reading glasses instead as mine seem to have headed off to the storage unit instead of staying here with me.

I give thanks for acquiring the final ingredients needed for tea tonight, just got to get off my proverbial and attempt to cook it. Unusually for me, I have no appetite at all. It crosses my mind I might shortly be having a rest at the hospital...

You can't catch me

I give thanks for managing to watch some catch up TV on iplayer on my tablet. The signal is best in the bed (sigh!) so it wasn't long before a combination of dropping connection and drooping eyelids meant I fell into another nap. That's fine, the things I really need to catch up on are calories and zees...and sleeping has tended to lead to eating and vice versa this weekend.

For waking up and realising I wasn't there any more! Don't let my gripes about inconveniences here confuse you - I am really very relieved and as long as the challenges doesn't go on too long I can manage.

Today I give thanks for finishing my shower before the hot water turned too cold and, despite some cars bumping into each other on the busy roads and holding us up, having enough time to get some bits from Lidl for 'Christmas' dinner with Rachel tomorrow between buses. I give thanks I think I have a plan for something to make out of odds and ends I do have to take the place of the nut roast I'd gone for that they didn't...

I give thanks for discovering a chap called Blake Beckford who champions stoma awareness. Look him up for some images... remember to look at the stoma bag! Facilities here are not conducive to the smooth operation of my own personal modifications, so I give thanks for keeping it together so far...

For a message from Tesco saying they're giving us some free data next month to make up for the service probs this week...and for learning how to lock the entrance door properly from the inside after a 'confused' woman (so she said!) opened it from outside. That gave me a shock!

I give thanks for John Lennon. It was the anniversary of his untimely death this weekend and, though of course he was a talented songwriter in his own right, for his covers album Rock and Roll of which I am particularly fond!

Candle in the wind

Every morning this week I've got up groaning and whimpering with pain, so I give thanks for groaning and whimpering this morning and not getting properly up at all. Moving home as a fit forty-nine year old was exhausting... as a sick sixty year old it's been downright annihilating! I give thanks for being here to give thanks - literally and metaphorically - and for being pretty sure, whatever the shrieks of horror Monday's blood test results in, this desire to lie still is physical and mental fatigue not the last bit of renal failing I have left to do.

I give thanks my appetite is back, that's a very good sign I'm right. And for spending the last couple of cramp crippled hours yesterday sorting out where to put food in a very small holiday kitchen with no food storage cupboards. The fridge is also small and the work surface just big enough for the microwave, kettle and toaster plus a mug for your hot drink and side plate for the toast! I give thanks therefore, as it's a kind of conservatory, it has a wide PVC ledge running at base of window height so there's room for jars and tins and storage tubs on that. It's also suitably cold! For finding the pasta, some bits and bobs to go with it and cooking and eating them.

I give thanks for an hour or two on the phone sorting out some more changes of address, standing order stoppage and yes please lovely rebates! For chatting to folk on the included wifi here as I've been affected by the 02 crash...before the internet here started playing up too. I give thanks to Bob for his excellent suggestion of taking Netflix up on their free month trial, and that I hadn't got as far as signing up and trying to watch anything before this happened. For thinking to bring my digi box and cable to watch programmes already recorded, but the TV doesn't have an hdmi socket so that plan was scuppered too... Never mind, I can listen to the howling wind, pattering rain on the glass and the cars arriving and driving on the other side of it.

I give thanks for some more space organisation, rearranging this corner to accommodate my housewarming/Christmas cards and gifts. I give thanks I'm not likely to have many more as I don't know where I'd put them!

Real gone kid

I give thanks that I have emptied the flat, cleaned it and handed in the keys. It's going to take a while for it to sink in that I'm starting a whole new chapter in my life! For the friendly and helpful removal guys making it go so smoothly and speedily, and for Mima for bringing some hot homemade soup and dessert just as they were finishing so I could be refreshed to carry on. She helped with the cleaning and fetching and carrying too...and brought me some thoughtful housewarming gifts, all very welcome! To Christine and Michael for coming and collecting the last plant pots and tell me how much they are enjoying having my small jungle and are inspired to start one of their own.

I give thanks for chains of coincidence. While I was dashing around trying to sort stuff out for moving into temporary accommodation on Wednesday night after hearing Adam (my buyer) had finally bought my flat, Adam (my cousin) sent me a message. Now this is rare, we might like or comment on each other's Facebook posts now and then but we don't exchange chat. Anyway he was asking if I could remember the address of the house I lived in as a young teenager because he's making a (beautiful) hand drawn picture book of places he has lived...and he and his folks moved in with us there too when they sold the place they were living in before they could buy another! This morning on Facebook a 'memory' came up of a photo of me pretending to drive a dumper truck just round the corner from this house from around the same time. I'd originally posted the picture 6 years ago in response to a reference to the same passage of our lives by Adam's brother Simon!

Anyway, I must be gone, away from the virtual desk and devices to practice bathing in a small size tub and watching TV without pause, fast forward and rewind. First world problems, I know...

Wherever I lay my hat

I give thanks for my fabulous friends! At the moment particularly for the nimble local folk who have been able to drop or swap hats at very short notice to give me physical assistance, but I'm very grateful for the long distance emotional bolstering too of course!

I give thanks for the free calls with my mobile bundle. One to change address for one benefit took 59 mins and 14 secs!

I give thanks arriving suddenly and unexpectedly here before I've fully moved out from there meant I was able to reassess what to bring and what to put into storage. There's a toaster and grater which I didn't expect, but no coathangers which I had. Even the owner is rather derogatory about the state of the place - they'd been planning to do it up not rent it - but I figured my own throws, cushions and rugs would make the place seem more homely and cosy and my screen is a very welcome addition providing an extra barrier between me and the outside world as it feels a little odd with just a Venetian blind and lot of glass screening my world from a carpark and street. Thank goodness I didn't pay removal men to remove and store this stuff when chums could be bribed to bring it here and help me to feel more comfortable!

I give thanks for managing to fit in a prearranged pre birthday vegan afternoon tea with Julie, a hug and a laugh and debriefing with Wendy the estate agent and a lengthy shower which was delightful when I finally got the temperature right! For taking the time to unpack, arrange and faff about enough to satisfy without stupifying any more than I am already... I only got about 3 hours sleep last night so anything else I'm grateful for you will have to guess at now!

Because the night

I give thanks for sleeping surprisingly well and late this morning. I'm so glad I didn't have to be up and ready to greet removal men at 9 am! It would have been nice to greet them at 1 instead but late morning the buyer's solicitors started raising more queries for the freeholder and, with time ticking away we passed the threshold when they could feasibly get here and be confident of getting everything out within working hours, let alone daylight. I suppose I could have just moved out before matters were resolved on the off chance that they would be, and clearly some parties would have preferred it if I had and have been complaining accordingly, but it's one thing to have to vacate on completion and quite another to have to just in case of completion, or after completion during the night! After a few rather terse emails about it having to be today I rang the estate agent to see if she could explain the ever growing unreasonableness of this request to those who were failing to grasp it, and come up with an alternative more sensible arrangement because I've done everything else I can do my end to speed things along and it's out of my hands. I'm still waiting to hear if she's managed to come up with something!

I give thanks I really am mostly ready to move out. But even more so for not disconnecting the cooker and TV, nor unmaking the bed, taking down curtains, cancelling services or redirecting mail so that some sort of existence can continue amid the chaos. I planned to spend the afternoon relaxing when it seemed I wasn't going anywhere but without official confirmation that either the buyer has pulled out, or is going to renew his mortgage offer, or simply that nothing else is going to happen today and I can stop waiting for more information it's hard to properly unwind. I give thanks for how calm I am managing to remain all things considered... I must be mentally tougher than I thought I was! Oh and same for my body I guess. How that is managing to keep going I've no idea! It was secretly pleased to have the afternoon off from lifting and shifting though I know... Some sitting about was a welcome relief in a way...

You keep me hangin' on

I give thanks to Laura, Julie and Mima for popping round today to help me with a few chores. I am so tired, but too wired to sleep well...so I give thanks for getting in the tiny hours and quietly sorting some more stuff out, and into containers. I give thanks for getting up in the later ones and making dahl which I figured might tempt my appetite later...and that it did! I was feeling quite queasy this morning and put it down to fear and stress - until I remembered it could be renal failure! Then I got really stressed. I give thanks for Laura's gift of muesli bread which, as predicted, lured me to try a slice or two...and then I forgot all about my precarious health position for a while. Great, enough to worry about already eh?

I'm not going to know if I'm moving tomorrow until tomorrow which is inconvenient for pretty much everyone involved. Never mind why, no point in going over it all in your head and getting nowhere... I give thanks for just concentrating on what I can do and not fretting about other people's responsibilities. I give thanks for the kindness and understanding of Keith and Lance at the holiday lets, and Kizzy and David at the removal company. It really helps them not giving me grief about what I can't help. The removal guys have scheduled me for the afternoon now so I give thanks for feeling a bit more relaxed knowing I don't have to get up any earlier than necessary when it might not be necessary at all... Ooh and I've just remembered half an egg sandwich left in the fridge from yesterday - that'll keep me going with minimum effort...

The final countdown

Oops-a-daisy! Almost forgot to write my blog. Um... Can I cheat and have remembering as gratitude No 1?  Or maybe that it's my blog and I can do what I like...?

I give thanks for the beauty of the dawn this morning, with the crescent moon bright in the sky as the darkness lifted in the east.

I give thanks for accepting that there really is no option, I have to carry on as if I'm moving the day after tomorrow even it still might not happen. Ugh!

To Laura for coming to help with the packing.

For the sight of the sea in the gathering gloom of evening when I scuttled out to attend to some outdoor stuff. There's something about the sea at night... It even seems to make a different sound.

I give thanks for making and eating something for tea, though like breakfast and lunch only managing to eat half of it. The stress is getting to me!

Space oddity

My goodness me I'm tired this evening! I give thanks for all I've done and for mercufully grinding to a halt, falling asleep on the sofa with a half drunk cup of tea...If I'd kept going I'd probably hurt even more than I do already! I give thanks for getting some sleep during the night too, but really not nearly enough.

Strangely no matter how much I pack there never seems to be a corresponding emptiness... but today, as promised, Christine and Michael came and took all my houseplants into their temporary care and, briefly, there was a gap where they had been. I give thanks for their kindness, strength and for their roomy, unheated but sunny porch.

I give thanks for Mima bringing me some milk and garlic on her way back from the supermarket. I'd thought I might cook tea but I cooked brunch and lunch and I think toast might be enough...for both making and eating, and certainly for washing up!

I know where I'm going

I give thanks for allowing myself the evening off yesterday from the stress of the ongoing moving saga. For continental crime shows, especially Killer by the Lake and Shades of Guilt. Great stuff!

Maybe if I'd checked my emails a bit earlier I might have discovered after 'closing the office' yesterday an email arrived suggesting we are so near completion next Wednesday has been proposed...and been digesting that not composing furious letters of complaint in my head! Even if I had of course I wouldn't have got far as it's not the ideal time to sort out actual removals etc as all those offices are closed too. Neither can I find out what's going on with my purchase apart from the fact that the mortgage company are still adamant my new improved solicitor is not on their panel, and my own mortgage offer is due to expire even before my buyer's. So although I'm grateful of course, the impracticality of the situation is a little daunting to say the least.

I give thanks for Wendy the estate being at work however so I could have a blether at her and for confirmation that my temporary accommodation down the hill is still available. I give thanks for knowing where I'm going at least, though how and when is yet to be confirmed.

I give thanks for lots more sorting out and packing this afternoon...as much as I could manage though there's still plenty and a half to do when I've had a rest if I feel strong enough to carry on. Every time I stand up I start dashing from task to task and I can see it would be very easy to get very exhausted before too long so I give thanks for the plan to find something else gripping to watch on TV and settle down with a biscuit or two and forget about it all for a while.