Thirty-nine

I give thanks I live alone as I've been in so much pain the last couple of days mostly all I seem to have done is moan and groan and this would be either very irritating or very worrying to a companion depending on the tenderness of their disposition.

I give thanks for being able to do pretty much everything in gradual stages, not that I did a lot! I give thanks for watching the changing light as clouds and sun passed over, the changing colours of the sea.

For hearing heavy rain and not having to panic. For not having to go out anywhere so what energy I had could be channeled into important everyday indoor things - pretty much every item of unpacked crockery needed washing up for a start. And for making a start on relocating various pieces of furniture and possessions according to my master plan - though that has to be done in gentle stages too so currently everything looks extra messy and muddled...

I give thanks for simple tasty things to eat that didn't need too much chopping, stirring or standing...and in between it's mostly been a telly fest. For catching up with an episode of Endeavour so delightfully propped and setted and filmed it could have almost been part of Fargo. Oh the Crimplene and confectionery wrappers! For discovering a new series of Coach Trip started in January and having a binge on that...

Thirty-eight

I got stuck on the sofa last night after writing my blog.  I couldn't move. Not literally, of course, that's called paralysis, this was mere extreme fatigue, but I give thanks for the sofa and eventually being able to stir and put the lights on, draw the curtains and rustle up an omelette for my supper.

I've been zombi woman today, and would happily have stayed in bed so I give thanks for thinking how pleased Ann would be if I sent her some books and got up instead! I finally found a padded envelope and tape but it wasn't until I got to the post office I realised I'd not used enough of the latter and the package was coming undone and I had to bring them home again...along with the book I was taking back to the library only the library was closed!Ah well, I give thanks for trying...

I give thanks for waking up and smelling the hyacinths Laura gave me for my birthday. For double duck wakes as a pair paddled up the brook. For the daffodils and crocuses in the afternoon sunshine. For the gorilla disappearing in the mistiness later on!

Thirty-seven

These are the things I remember producing grateful feelings (and sometimes sounds!) over the last twenty-four hours...

My bed
My electric blanket
My stoma bag staying on
My cooker
A bowl of creamy porridge with cinnamon and demerara on top
The view from my living room window
The sparkle of the sea
My shower
Getting dressed without too many fumbles and pain
Finishing vacuuming the living room floor after three days trying
The unseasonably mild spring sunshine
A sheltered spot on the beach for a picnic lunch with Mima
For more lovely food!
For living in such a beautiful part of the country
For the friendliness and helpfulness of people in shops
For not being on dialysis
For reading a transcript of a debate in Parliament about fibromylgia and acknowledging, probably for the first time, the horrors of the illness and the embarrassment I feel at suffering something invisible and complicated and so little understood. I'm ashamed of how feeble I am sometimes, and yet I feel apologetic and a fraud when I don't, or I manage anyway.
For a nap when I got home...after appreciating that nice clean carpet and tidy living corner.
For promising myself, if they ever give me my disability premium back, that I will have a cleaner come once in a while

Thirty-six

I give thanks for my sun trap armchair (in the morning) and my suntrap sofa for the afternoons. I was in a lot of discomfort during the night with pain and cramp, bad dreams when I did drop off and the horrible thought that no matter how tired or sore I was in the morning I had to get up and dressed at what I knew would seem an unreasonable hour at the time. So, not feeling very grateful about the present I thought about how much more pleasing the future would be snoozing on either or both as required, which is bad Buddhism but got me through the night!

I give thanks the kitchen man came, fixed the loose wire and brought me a can of beans as I said I'd be living on toast until he did. Cheeky! I give thanks the DPD driver managed to find me. I was standing on the doorstep waving to give him a clue so I have essential surgical supplies in stock again. Trust me that's something to be very grateful for. I give thanks for Jo and Keith collecting empty boxes... I give thanks the stairs are easier here!

I give thanks for trying five times to get through to the podiatry appointments desk to cancel an appointment I don't think I need and which I thought was tomorrow but I had lost the letter and couldn't check. They have a recorded message saying the receptionist is busy and to leave your own message at the tone. But there's no tone, you just get cut off! A bit later they rang me. 'How did you do that?' I wanted to know. 'Do what?' she said 'I'm just ringing to reschedule your appointment tomorrow.' What a bizarre, and very useful, coincidence!

There was a great deal of other stuff on the to do list for today, and I give thanks for looking at the glory of it (the day not the list!) and abandoning a lot of tasks to hobble along the seafront to this. Bliss!

Thirty-five

I give thanks for waking up and not having to get up for anything...except a cup of tea when I was finally ready to stir.  Heavens what a treat that was!

I give thanks I don't read a paper, as I suspect those who do regularly have their opinions already formed by constant spin and just nod or exclaim on cue. I give thanks I do look at all the front pages most days as it reminds me how many insular world views there are even on our little island. At the Death Cafe yesterday a very bright as a button 88 yr old chap was saying if you want to know what's really going on you should read a foreign paper...but to my mind it's still going to be views not just news. I give thanks for understanding that's just my view however  and that my mind is somewhat alternatively aligned compared to others in our society - including 'alternative' society! Some people go to groups to find folk who think like themselves, but the more I do (which admittedly still isn't much) the more I realise how unlikely this is for me. I'm still grateful for the opportunity to hear and see how I ought to be and behave though if I wanted to 'fit in', it helps me to be more understanding I think, to come closer to acceptance of difference without labelling it right or wrong. Way to go yet, I fear!

I give thanks the sun burned through the low clouds today and for factoring in a few minutes ambling about outside in my busy schedule, trying to find a suitable cake to take to a seat and a few locals to mingle with who weren't clutching e-cigarettes or bottles of booze. For chatting to a nice shopkeeper (not doing either) and encountering these miniature fluffy cuties. Gotta love a duck haven't you?

I give thanks for doing miniature bits more unpacking/sorting out/cleaning/painting etc but also being very busy idling on the sofa for large chunks of the afternoon. I moved for the good of my health, no point in wearing myself out now I've got here!

Thirty-four

I give thanks I gobbled my late afternoon chip shop fish yesterday because it gave me a bad case of indigestion and thus I didn't need to eat again for some time...so I didn't realise the cooker wasn't working until it was too late to really care.

I give thanks for still finding three TV channels quite entertaining, especially as there's quite a bit of catch up to do. And for the internet for providing that - on lots of other channels! I give thanks for live music and I'm glad there's a popular pub for it in town here. Maybe I'll go some time, but in the meantime I give thanks for earplugs when I'm not in the mood!

I give thanks for finally getting a response from kitchen man, not that he's in any hurry to see what's wrong, so the morning I thought would be spent with my nose in a book was spent with my whole torso in the kitchen cupboards making them as clean as can be before I transfer my stuff from boxes in the spare room and piles on the living room floor while trying to get clever with the microwave and slow cooker. I give thanks for finally making a passable snack...and that I don't have to drink tea as the milk had gone off also!  I give thanks it was the 2nd Death Cafe this afternoon so soon I could have a cuppa and some yummy cake...plus a nice sit down as well.  I've been in a lot of pain the last couple of days, and so busy with so many things, that was quite a treat in itself.

I give thanks for planning a little treat with Jan in a few weeks too. For planning a long bath with a book for in a little while...

Thirty-three

I give thanks when I had an accident in my bed last night it was with lavender oil! Though very tired I just couldn't seem to drop off to dreamland so I opened the bottle I keep my my bed...then fell deeply asleep and woke up thinking 'What's that hard lumpy thing under my back?'. It was the open, now almost empty bottle...

Maybe that's one reason I was so very sleepy this morning. Or it just could be that I really do need to take it a little easier that I have been this week. I give thanks I've been able to push myself, for the work I've done myself and for the work I've organised others to do. It's important to me that the place becomes more pretty and practical to suit my tastes and needs but a bit more just enjoying it how it is would go down well over the next few days I think!

Apart from the money saved on not having a new kitchen, I give thanks for the gentleness on the planet, repurposing the existing units and my pre-owned cooker. The tiles were taken down carefully and reused plus a bit leftover from Mima's kitchen fitting and Clive's donation. I did buy new paint as the chap costed in redecorating that half of the room and, although it pained me rather as it's a bit trendy still, I chose pale grey. I'm pretty confident about my ability to put colours together so I wasn't surprised I liked the effect but I was extra grateful that the fresh walls didn't make the old worktop and doors look even more ancient. In fact it all looks much cleaner and brighter. I look forward to some shelves for pretty mugs and tins. In the meantime I bought a mug stand in a second hand shop to go with the retro feel and lack of places to put wall cupboards.

The weather has been murky here today, chill low cloud and breeze. I give thanks for picking up a piece of battered fish to warm me up when I went out to get cash earlier...plus a rather nice little table in the secondhand shop round the corner that took my fancy yesterday. I needed less cash than the original estimate as we didn't need new tiles and with a little light bartering I got the table for the 'change'. I give thanks for watching a lot of Antiques Road Trip!

Thirty-two

I give thanks for the gorgeous springy sunshine this afternoon. No, I don't mean spring-like though it was that too, but it put a bit of a spring in my very weary body...after a quick snooze in an indoor patch of it in a very busy day.

I give thanks for a helpful chat with the stoma nurse I saw a couple of weeks ago with some fresh ideas to try. For no springing a leak either...

I give thanks for the sight of the trees waking up, especially the blossom opening.
For Mima making cake and giving me my birthday present -  a lovely cushion to match my bedroom blind which currently lives on the floor but is destined for the window recess one day... 

I give thanks the fabric for my kitchen curtains has come...and after much umming and aahing being very pleased with my choice. I wanted a Scandi retro vibe at a bargain price and I rather think I've got it! And the print is more in focus than the picture in case you're wondering. My hands are particularly troublesome today...

Thirty-one

I give thanks though I thought I was too exhausted to cook last night, some chopped ginger root and smoked garlic added to preprepared stir-fry and Quorn made a tasty tea. Bit of black pepper, squirt of lemon juice...delish! Oh my goodness I missed my cooker... it's so good to have it back!

I give thanks for surviving another early start...and that preparing for the window menders due around 8.30 meant I was ready to do battle with BT as soon as the billing lines opened at 8.00. Yes, they've finally got my line working but they wanted to charge me from the day the first engineer didn't turn up! I give thanks they've been persuaded not to.

I give thanks the although the fitters were initially sent with the wrong hinges their company is based nearby and they were able to whizz back and get the right ones. And I'm very grateful it's cosier and quieter now.

I give thanks for a lot of kitchen scrubbing this morning and a nice long loll afterwards. There's so much needs cleaning, sewing, painting etc I thought I'd go to Lidl to rest my poor sore hands. I give thanks road works delays and diversions made this a much longer sit down than I'd bargained for but I got all manner of staples and treats in between. Sadly I thought I ought to do a bit more work on the wardrobe when I got back and even though I tried to share the load with my left my right hand has gone into extremely painful spasm now and just has to lie still so it's taken forever to type this. Never mind, it will be good practice for dialysis... or an incentive to stay away from it a little longer..

I give thanks for the way, if you watch enough Scandinavian TV series and films you see the same actors popping up in different scripts and countries...even if you still can't pronounce their names!

Thirty

I give thanks for a dab more furniture painting before sundown last night. You'd laugh if you saw how much I can safely do in a session if I'm not to lose the use of my arm later... but I'd rather not lose the use of my arm and I do rather like the feeling of being able to still do small home improvements myself.

I give thanks for rustling up a speedy spicy dahl last night. For a long bath and an early night to make up for missing that nap though the former would have been more relaxing if I'd speedily washed my hands after the food prep! For managing to be up and dressed at silly o'clock to strip the kitchen of all accessories again ready for more transformation today, and while I was at it to create window access for the fitters coming at silly o'clock tomorrow.

For patches of warm sunshine to sit and fiddle with those curtain extension hems and to snooze a little now and then later. For people watching in the bits when my eyes were open and not occupied with pins and needles and thread. I have a much watched part of the area right outside my lounge window and that's always fascinated me - looking at people looking at things. It's also interesting railway watching - I didn't realise how many goods trains still used this line. And the shipping and the changing moods of the sea. I give thanks for a loaf of light rye bread and a pot of lemon curd. With a limited diet and a lot of practice at gratitude you can get quite excited about different sorts of bread and spread...

Twenty-nine

I woke up much too early today, but I give thanks this meant I didn't miss an unexpected call from a very lovely bin man who had some recycling receptacles for me! It also meant I could get going early enough to get the bus up the hill to pick up prescriptions and get some bits of shopping before the BT engineer called a couple of hours earlier than arranged. I give thanks he found my phone line as dead as I did...though this meant an awful lot of work for him and an awfully long wait for him to come back so I couldn't (as planned) squeeze in a nap before Laura was due to arrive. I give thanks for some lunch and a little lie down though...and for not being the person wrestling with wires beneath the manhole cover in the squally showers!

I give thanks standing by the draughty living room window watching for developments spurred me on to get on the (mobile) phone and book the fitting of new hinges which I believe may make things cosier and quieter.

I give thanks for moving on the furniture makeovers a minor increment last night and today. For the fragrance of the miniature daffodils from Laura, and the joy of my own internet connection at last. I may only have three TV channels to watch but I can now record what I want to watch on them and fast forward and pause and rewind. Oh joy!

Twenty-eight

I give thanks for waking up feeling well and rested and free from pain. This state of affairs didn't last long, in fact a couple of hours later I felt particularly horrid, but what a lovely way to start the day! I give thanks for only doing the things that seemed most necessary, there's so much I want to do or at least get done, but staying out of hospital for as long as possible is top of all lists and resting whenever I feel unable to do more seems wise.

I give thanks for a visit from Mr and Mrs Hutchinson as they are now, and lovely it was to see them and have a catch up. Clive brought some worktop to replace the piece that had the old hob in, and worked his magic with a dodgy looking bit of cable I figured, by process of elimination, must be the aerial lead from the loft. I can now receive BBC 1, 2 and 4 (though not much else) but this is a tremendous improvement on nothing, not least as there's actually series I want to watch on those channels at the moment plus it suggests with better kit I might get more. I give thanks for the prospect of 32 inch Iceland and Shetland Isles!

I give thanks for finding a way to connect to the hotspot on my laptop again too which though clumsy, has worked twice so my options for entertainment while resting increase! All I need now is for a major telecoms provider to provide some in house telecoms and we'll be cooking with gas (metaphorically).

Twenty-seven

I give thanks though a few people are due to pass through over the next few days none will be expecting anything much in the way of catering, as catering facilities are still somewhat a work in progress...with crockery, pans and utensils still scattered about the rest of the flat. I'm happy with the work so far though, especially the removal of the horrid old hob, oven and extractor with attached manky cupboards. It feels wonderful to have those gone...and I give thanks for preparing a simple meal on/in my own cooker last night for the first time since early December. Oh what joy!

I thought I was having a BT engineer here today but it turned out I'm not, he might come on Monday... but he might just go to the cabinet. I don't care where he goes, I just really would like my phone line fixed after all the ifs and buts and confusion. I'm not going to go into a rant about the company or its employees though as, if they hadn't sacked me for being terminally ill and I hadn't lived to tell the tale I wouldn't be living here now.

After a busy week I give thanks for a quiet day anyway. Though they're mostly positive changes now all this moving business is still very tiring especially when you're not very well and extra chores are extra exhausting. I give thanks for ticking off points on a very short to do list, including preparing one of the little chests of drawers for preparing (adjusting its position, tightening a loose screw and giving it a wash down) and popping out for milk and cash. For finding a scary looking fat letter was actually the Council long windedly awarding me 'support' again. Woohoo! Just want the other guys to stop punishing me for selling one flat to buy another now...

I give thanks for checking the TV schedules so I know what I'm missing - The Great British Sewing Bee and the start of a new series of Trapped. I'm going to have to get this aerial sorted when I've some more cash to spare again, but I want the draughty windows done even more. I give thanks for snuggly throws and snoozes.

Twenty-six

I give thanks a nice man has been ripping my kitchen apart today but tidily and with due care and attention so that some of the old bits can be reorganised in new and improved ways. I give thanks for the thick mist this morning giving way to what looked like warm sunshine but, after a busy evening carrying most of the kitchen contents out followed by an early start finishing off, I've been quite happy to curl up on the sofa for a great deal of the day, keeping out of the way...and struggling to keep my eyes open. I give thanks some supergreens have arrived as sometimes they seem to help and I'll take some when I can get near a glass and tap. Naps help too, and I might take one those when it's quietened down here...

I give thanks for doing a row or two of my rag rug, that doesn't take much energy or concentration. For getting quite excited about having my own cooker to cook on soon even if it will be stuck in the middle of the kitchen for a few days. Sometimes you hear people grumble about the inconveniences of having work done about the place but I feel very prilivileged to have a place let alone a little bit of money left over to make it nicer to be in.

I give thanks I managed to raise a BT fault last night but when I checked today it had vanished! I give thanks for giving up on line and phoning it in. The advisor (in Stockport) said he'd never heard a customer use the phrase CAPC before, but I did, and he did too!

Twenty-five

I couldn't keep my eyes open last night so I give thanks for getting up off the sofa and into the bed between sleeps. For coughing less and breathing more through my nose through the night.

I give thanks for an email to say my broadband is connected now though the line is still completely free of any dial tone in any of the sockets including the test one inside. I give thanks for a quote letter from one of those double glazing chaps that is completely free of any details or figures, just a standard start and finish with an empty gap in between. My doorstep was completely free of promised recycling containers too so it was a busy morning in the office interspersed with more clearing the kitchen for tomorrow plus receiving delivery of my adorable wardrobe and living room co-ordinated chair. I give great thanks for finding these delights...

I give thanks Julie and Spencer taking me to collect the little chests of drawers and get paint for both the furniture and the kitchen. I was so tired and sore today, it did me good to have some company and chauffeuring around, and Julie treated us to lush desserts and a cuppa as well. I give thanks for a Higgidy piggidy pie to cook for my tea, the water heating up for a bath and a book to read in it. I still hope to fit in a nap before bedtime... And maybe opening the handful of cards and couple of gifts that found their way to me (though not the Booja Booja that must wait for a day when I've not had a brownie!)  but I give thanks there's no rush and first I can have a rest...

Twenty-four

I give thanks when I woke up coughing in the night I had my trusty Olbas Oil lozenges by the bed and could soothe my throat and chest without getting out of bed and messing about with bottles and spoons. For managing to get up and get on with things despite being very sore and tired today.

I give thanks for the bright sunshine and wearing my bright magenta coat for the first time this winter. If I had anyone to ask what I'd like for my birthday I'd have said a can of paint...so I give thanks for buying one for myself and leaving it in the shop to pick up tomorrow when Julie is driving me to get the chests of drawers that need it. For finding a cheap tarp to go on the floor under the wardrobe when it arrives and some cheap dustsheets to drape about the place.

I give thanks for taking sweet treats to crafts at the library to make it seem a bit like a celebration, and despite not taking any crafts for finding plenty to do! I'd heard there was a public jigsaw on the go, and though it was a rather uninspiring picture I did some of that. I helped a new lady slightly with some crochet, and a great deal with a huge tangle in her yarn.

I give thanks for firing up my laptop once again to see what the error message was and see if I could get some help with it...and finding some cunning clicking made it work again. Woohoo! I also allegedly have a working phone line but of course my landline phone needs to charge up before I can see if it's true

Twenty-three

I give thanks for a pleasant evening spent looking at knobs when I'd run out of energy - the decorative ceramic type for cupboard doors and drawers which I may attach to my new bedroom furniture if it survives my painting skills...There's so many to choose from now...

I give thanks the expected soreness, stiffness and cramps after yesterday's extra walking didn't really kick in until early morning so I got some reasonable sleep. For not having anything urgent to do so I could lie in bed until very late morning... And that every time I got up for a cuppa or the loo or whatever I managed one more useful thing, so I made a slight start on the first stage of furniture rearrangement. This includes moving pretty much everything I can move out of the kitchen ready for the nice kitchen man to move what I can't, and moving what I can move around in the spare room to create spare room for the wardrobe and little bedside chests to arrive.

Feeling rather tired I give thanks for some fairly horizontal pastimes this afternoon - trying to sort out more muddle from Solarplicity and their advisors who have as much trouble understanding me as I do them, wheedle some recycling containers out of the Council... and catch up with Endeavour. They've reached 1969 now, when the police force were on the way to becoming their least PC, so some of it's a little troubling. I love the music and the various period features though. I mean, when did you last hear anyone say 'Red Leb'? For most of you probably never I guess!

Twenty-two

I give thanks I've ordered something nice to be delivered on my birthday. A cake? Flowers perhaps? Luxury bathing products? No, a wardrobe, small armchair and a pretty but practical little shelf...all from the hospice shop so with change from £100 to put towards the delivery charge. I was delighted to find these bargains but a wardrobe in my bedroom means my merchant's chest will live in the living room again and I'll need something narrower and taller with drawers. I give thanks for walking through the pain barrier several times in a lengthy quest looking at old and new options. One shop had something OK ish but it was fifty plus thirty delivery and I didn't like it that much! Finally, in the last place I could think of trying I found a set of two OK ish three drawer bedside chests stacked firmly one on the other for the princely sum of ten pounds the two, and they are small enough for Julie to put them in her car. I give thanks she's said she will too! And that wardrobe and drawers can all squeeze in the spare room for a bit of a makeover before going in my bedroom. I forsee a binge on Frenchic paint...and some very crampy hands!

I give thanks for watching a man wade out to the swan island with a bag of straw this morning, which they quickly started gracefully bending their necks to arrange and is now a neat nest dome. For fields full of lambs and the quality of the light during the day and sunset colours at sundown.For meeting my health food sharing friend at the bus stop so I had company on the first leg of my journey, and the helpful ladies at the library where I went to print off proof of this and that to take to the council offices to try and claim council tax help. They stopped it because I had an excess of 'savings' ie the money for the lease extension waiting for solicitors to stop mucking about. Not got much now that's for sure!

I give thanks I have leftovers for tea - I'm bushed!

Twenty-one

I give thanks for Netflix and chill. Haha no, I give thanks for finally, at the ripe old age of nearly sixty one, signing up for my free first month's trial of this media services provider... and for the first time in many months having a deliciously chilled (but cosy) Sunday!

Last time I saw the renal consultant she told me something I'd not realised before - stress is actually bad for your kidneys, not just in a general stress damaging way but specifically extra damaging to those whose kidneys are already not well. She wasn't at all surprised that during the many difficulties and uncertainties I struggled with, I struggled with feeling really ill as well. I give great thanks I kept having things I simply had to do before I could give in and phone the hospital, so that somehow I never did...and somehow I survived. I give thanks I've been feeling a whole lot better now a whole load of things are better. And I give thanks that so far, three weeks on, I'm still so loved up about living here, pottering about the place feeling blissy and blessed, like a newly wed but without the hassle of a husband!

The pottering has been quite minimal the last twenty four hours, but I give thanks for feeling relaxed enough not to care. Besides I like to get my money's worth even when it's free, so I've been immersed in the second series of The Sinner - which I'm trying to ration as it's so good so I have had to watch other stuff to stop me! For making pancakes and a version of dhal without my usual ingredients as there's no point in unpacking all the kitchen stuff when it will have to be taken out of there on Thursday. For unpacking some books instead and putting them on the newly polished shelves. How much more homely the place seems with books...and how many I seem to have!

Twenty

Yay, I give thanks it's the weekend and I don't have to deal with any more strangers, particularly not strangers in my home! I give thanks I've been inviting them in for very good reasons, appreciate the money given and items taken away, and hope some home improvements may transpire as well, but I need a couple of days comfortable slobbing about interspersed with some very low key sorting things out during the periods when the pain is less intrusive...Oh and I give thanks doctor's surgeries and outpatient departments are closed as well so there's none of that malarkey!

I give thanks my cold is finally clearing up a little. It's the second one I've had this year and I'm not impressed. Coughing in particular is so exhausting! It would be a good time to have a working TV...or a working laptop and my own internet too that I don't keep having to sign in to, but I'm still grateful for the hotspot close by, and tablets. I dug out an old one that's heavy to hold and on the battery, but has quite a large clear screen good for watching a film on iplayer last night. I give thanks I have a TV licence and am allowed! For remembering to order some more supergreens.

It was a tremendous struggle but I give thanks eventually I managed to get myself out of bed and the building to get on a bus for fresh chilli peppers and turmeric and ginger root, plus posh squash and good spray polish as none of these are available in my new home town! You may draw your own conclusions... I give thanks I was able to pick some other items both useful and flavoursome and....after an enormous rest...I might do something useful and make something flavoursome for my tea!

Nineteen

I give thanks I felt better for staying indoors yesterday, though it did mean I missed my gong bath which was rather a shame. Today I had to go out come hell or high water...and there was a bit of both of those! I give thanks for winning battles with aches and pains and wind and rain and user hostile online forms. For giving up gracefully with other matters after wearing myself out getting meds and diy supplies just in case suddenly I can or I find someone who is willing... For the last double glazing chap of the week. For a hot water bottle and sofa and throw.

I give thanks I have found a kitchen unfitter. I didn't know they existed outside my head but there really are people who remove built in appliances for a job it seems and this one specialises in doing just that and associated remedial work so you aren't left with gaps and holes. He proposes to make good the wall where the horrid fan and cupboards are after too and replace a socket and the row of tiles that will be mutilated - and all within a reasonable price and timescale. One is a mite excited! I give thanks Clive (who fits kitchens) is going to see if he can find a bit of spare worktop for where the hob is now.

Eighteen

I give thanks for going to bed at 8pm last night. My body said twelve hours up and about was quite enough, especially as I kept doing stuff, or trying to when it was so very tired. I thought I'd read a book for a while but what actually happened was I soon fell mostly sleep only getting up to decramp my muscles, or fetch sweets etc for my horrid cough until 1am when I gave thanks I woke up enough to take my meds etc... before sleeping loads more til nearly 9 am! I give thanks for my snuggly comfy bed...and my electric shower for getting me clean and awake again.

As you can imagine after all that rest I was bright as a button and raring to go today...or not! All I've wanted to do is lie on the sofa to read and do some internet window shopping, and I give thanks that in between essential chores, plus going downstairs to let in a chap to talk about replacing and mending windows, going downstairs to let in a chap to talk about moving kitchen appliances and cupboards around, and going downstairs to let in a chap to grumble and curse about having to carry shopping upstairs I've mostly done just that. In the lest case I give thanks for offering to help carry what I could but the Tesco driver preferred to carry it all and make a fuss to try to make me feel bad. He dumped the trays on my flat doorstep and then had to wait ages while I carried the groceries bit by bit to the kitchen which I hope gave him time to improve his mood before he went on to the next customer!

I give thanks I think I've finally positioned the book case where it's going to stay and another day, when I've more energy I can give it a polish and start unpacking books. I give thanks trying a test area of the bathroom floor suggests the tiles might respond to a hearty scrub (also another day)  and for having another go at my Council Tax Support application form. This is a long and detailed document and I suspect the fact that I'm currently considered not eligible for means tested benefits means I'll be considered not eligible for that either, even though the former means the latter is all the more needed!

Seventeen

I give thanks for featherlight flatscreen TVs. It would be lovely to get a signal but at least it's not a tremendous effort to lug the set up
 around the various possible aerial outlets searching fruitlessly for one. I give thanks for finally flopping on the sofa with an old recorded Midsomer Murders and the ease of a remote control. Moving home is a wonderful thing, but also a tiring one...and there's been no time for a nap for days!

I give thanks for getting a few hours reasonably restful sleep before muscle cramps and spasms had me tied up in knots and close to tears...and for some rather enjoyable dreams too! For using the wee small morning hours usefully checking out this and that online, including my long awaited BT appointment which I found, to my horror, was not on the afternoon of 13th but on the morning of the 14th. I have no plans for my birthday, other than no plans...no having to do anything, definitely not anything that involves being ready for it at 8 am! So I tried to change my slot, and because last time I tried to do this the engineer turned up for the original one I then rang the company to check I'd done it right - especially when I got a message saying I didn't need an engineer anyway. And apparently I don't. After all that faffing about they've decided they just need to activate the line. I'm grateful for this, I really am... But I could have done without all the hassle over the last couple of months!

Today I gave thanks for lots of rest - even some short snoozes on the interminable bus rides to a different hospital from usual and back. It's not my favourite place but I give thanks all the staff I've encountered there have been delightful, and the people on the last bus of my day were rather lovely too, constantly rearranging themselves to accommodate extra wheelchairs, baby buggies and mounds of shopping!

I give thanks I did some shopping on the way home... discovering Asda was having an extension lead sale, the fancy pants department store had halved the prices of their ethnic pottery and Wilko still had the best value curtain poles. Trying to save the pennies I decided to avoid a delivery charge for the light grey one that had caught my eye and, as it wasn't heavy, bring it home on the bus. It just fitted upright between the floor and the ceiling!

Sixteen

I give thanks for the days when I could do-it-myself, or knew handy men to help instead of paying what seem to me to be rather large amounts of money for not really that much work at all. Today, this included having light bulbs changed and lampshades put up because my ceilings are so tall and I didn't get cable yesterday to pay to have the pendants made longer!

I give thanks I thought the entryphone chaps could fix my kit, but it turned out they couldn't, and of course I had to pay to find out that. And I give thanks I thought I could fix my laptop when it went wrong again, but this time it turned out I couldn't...though at least finding that out was free...

I give thanks for the luxury of an acupuncture treatment in the comfort of my own home last night. It is harder for Rachel to get here now, so the effort was very much appreciated...and it was lovely to see her and to show off my new abode. It meant I started the day feeling mellow anyhow, and I gave thanks for a restful lie in.

I give thanks after the expensive men had gone I took out my frustrations on my little old dining room table. I'd hoped the handy one might find a way to strengthen the wonky leg, but finding parking took too long! As it had been taken apart for moving I thought I'd have a go at putting it back together and wedging it against the wall to stop the wobble, as I'd been doing for years...and, not concentrating, I managed to put all the legs on wrong and had to start again. I give thanks that somehow during re-attaching them I managed to straighten the crooked bolt (causing the loose nut and the wobble) and, apart from the fact I can't do it up super tight, the table is now up and reasonably stable. And, apart from sore hands, that was free too!

Oh and I forgot to say how delighted I was to have my first glimpse of snowdrops by the roadside yesterday. I love snowdrops!

Fifteen

Yay, I give thanks I fixed my laptop's network adapter last night. Go me! I give thanks the night before I made an extra large and rather tasty crumble so I could munch my way through a couple of generous servings while watching Dancing on Ice. I give thanks the woman who bought the freezer said it was working fine. Phew, thank goodness! I only had the word of the people who sold me the flat that is was functional, and they were the same people who said they'd get rid of it and didn't!

I give thanks for having a coughing fit when I rang off to try to cry off my dental appointment this morning so that I didn't have to give any excuse, the receptionist just said 'I hope you feel better soon.' The main reason for cancelling was that because they've stopped my means tested benefits I'd have to pay, and as I only now have a very small income and far less in the bank than they think I have, I'd really rather not. I also needed to go up the hill to the doctor's surgery to see if I could persuade them to start giving me pills and pick up some electrical cable (not from the doctor's) but much of the top of town was cordoned off due to a major gas leak so those ideas fell by the wayside too...

I give thanks my shopping trip with Julie went ahead and we had a good afternoon mooching round various stores including the fabulous Hospice outlet, B&M where neither of us had ever been and for me, finally...after what? fifteen years of waiting?...a visit to IKEA. Well...I feel like a proper grown up now! A spare room and glass goblets from from our favourite Swedish store...whatever next? I know,.a treatment from Rachel

Fourteen

Mmm, I give thanks for a lie in. Not nearly enough of those lately! For abandoning its comforts when the handyman due on Thurs decided Tues would suit him better instead and I wanted to get some bits for him to get handy with. My goodness me I give thanks for living by a railway station as I had to pop into the city and back sharpish to be here for when the freezer was due to be collected.

I give thanks for the glorious weather - warm sunshine to wait in on the platform and the pretty ride along the estuary with low water flat as a sheet of mirror. For a blind for the bathroom, two switch plates and two coax plugs coming to the exact money I got for the freezer! For Wilko for selling practical things on a Sunday you don't need a car to get.

This move feels such a positive one, but whenever I change homes one of my favourite parts is when you find your old stuff fits in new places. Now there's more room in the spare room, I wanted to start making the window end more 'roomy' and wondered if the large rug that was my dining room before might go down on part of the floor. Would you believe it fits lengthways exactly between the skirting boards? How wonderful is that? It's not a particularly pretty carpet but nicer underfoot than the stuff that's down I can't afford to change just yet...

I give thanks for finishing sorting that out in time for a quick sit down before popping to the Co op before it closed. I give thanks for being able to 'pop to the Co-op'. The last couple of years has been such a long hard struggle but it was worth it to get to a comfier way of life at last... Mind you the tourist season is starting up again with coaches arriving and disgorging outside my door. I may feel rather differently in a while...

Thirteen

I give thanks I could have a siesta before my lunch today as two busy days out and about, two nights disturbed by cramps and pain and a hectic morning preparing my on sale items for buyers, chasing them, waiting...sorting out alternative possibilities..and battling once again to establish an account with the electricity provider here left me rather limp and in need of a snooze. I give thanks for eventual partial success in these endeavours - one thing gone, another allegedly going tomorrow, and a customer service advisor speaking good English, with good listening skills and apparent knowledge of the system saying he didn't know why his colleagues had said what they did but would (allegedly) put me down as the new resident here.

I give thanks, though the snow has left the windows filthy dirty, the sun could stream through and keep me cosy on the sofa while I slept. Oh, and I give great thanks for no one walking and talking above my head as well!

Plan A for the rest of the weekend had been to organise the heaps of stored possessions in the spare room a little, especially as they'd got extra messy sorting out the stuff to sell. I give thanks for doing as much as I could, accepting I need help for for some tasks and/or it will take a whole lot longer than I hoped. For stopping often enough and soon enough (I hope) not to suffer too much later on.

I give thanks for the pretty tinted clouds at sunset. For plans to make a crumble with some of my half a bag of flour after sharing it with the nice lady in the health food shop who also mostly cooks for one.

Twelve

Blimey O'Reilly! You know those safety warnings about getting too close high seas breaking on shore? Well to catch the train here you have to duck underneath them or scuttle behind the waiting room door as they crash over the building on the other side of the track and land on the platform beside you! I give thanks I like this sort of thing.. and for it reminding of taking my young son out on the jetty at Aberystwyth to play chicken with the waves. I have been told often enough now this was irresponsible maternal behaviour now, thank you...don't forget it is also irresistible fun and demonstrated the importance of a little light risk taking now and then to get your kicks for a father free boy who didn't play sport. Good comeback at the eh? Shame I didn't think of it at the time...

I always try to combine a hospital trip with something else to make the most of the journeying and to take the taste of the treatment fear away, and yesterday gave thanks for this time acquiring some cheap shelf brackets and a length of curtain track for the kitchen window. I was tempted by a blind for the bathroom but can't afford to buy or manage to carry everything at once plus I thought the track would survive the wind and rain better. Besides it made for some double takes and jolly quips at the clinic arriving like Nanook of the North with a length of white plastic instead of a fishing spear. I always think if I make everyone laugh they'll take my high spirits into account when assessing the state of my health. OK, I know they don't really...but you do have to be feeling pretty good physically to traipse around the county in freezing rain on foot and bus and train arrive still in reasonable humour. There are many days I couldn't so I give thanks it was a day I could.

I give thanks the consultant declared fish and chips on the way home a good idea, and for winning a game of public transport roulette putting my efforts into getting straight to a particular bus stop instead of checking to see if a bus might be meant to be there or if an alternative route might make more sense. I could see it as I turned the corner in the dusk and driving snow....and I give great thanks for a slow moving queue of passengers so I had time to hobble to the end!

Today I've been mostly very tired, very sore...and very busy, so I give thanks for all I've got done. For the black swans on a little white island this morning, and for the roads and pavements I went on being clear. It's been an unusually communicative day for me, and I give thanks at the face to face bit at the Revive meeting being closest to Jenny and Jo for easy chat. Jo has just had an offer accepted on a bungalow and I give thanks for Jenny suggesting she might like my boxes as I empty them. Not been a lot of that today, but I may have found people to pay me to take away stuff the previous occupants left behind, which would make up nicely or the estate agents mucking up their removal...