Soixante-et-un

It might sound contradictory but I was very grateful for the grey start this morning - so much better when you need a long lie in and don't want to feel you're missing out or must rush to get things done to get out there. For a relaxed evening beforehand, a bath with my waterproof long socks on, bit of Glasto on TV. ..and optimism I would sleep well although I did not!

I give thanks for being able to get up in instalments, stiff in the joints and utterly lacking in enthusiasm. For eventually making myself do a little low down painting as even one step up from floor level seemed a mountain to climb. For lots of lounging around as well, internet window shopping (I must choose a 'new' phone before this one dies but there are so many out there) and finally choosing a (really) new quilt for the spare room. It won't go the letter box, and as I might be out when it arrives I chose Click and Collect giving great thanks when I discovered my local store for this is just across the road.

I give thanks the sun stayed unreliable - out enough for the trippers and tourists but in enough often enough to put me off the effort of dressing properly enough (including my toes!) to go and look for a quietish spot to enjoy it. For more painting instead, a silly movie and more Glastonbury on catch up. Thought Stormy was very good but The Chems, oh joy, made me feel almost youngish again!

Soixante

I give thanks for summer! I enjoy all seasons and weathers that come our way but in this country it's only in summer I get warm enough to relax...usually about the time others are complaining it's too hot!

I give thanks for being so tired last night I was able to have a very early night despite it either being karaoke night at the pub out the back or some folk being slowly murdered! For earplugs, and double glazing and other windows to open wide...

For not being quite so tired today and able to do more, although not so energetic for it not to feel hard work doing it. For lots of sitting down in between activities including waiting for late buses, with Mima on the seafront with take away tea and a lush veggie pastie, and at home plying Clive with delicious gluten free cake before he started on a bunch of DIY jobs. I am so grateful to him for all he has done including making and hanging my new kitchen shelf unit and removing an unwanted storage heater... For my toes demanding some serious rest now so the rest of me can have some too! Oh and for just hearing the Red Arrows fly over though I didn't actually see them as I was in the bathroom at the time...

Here's the shelf, waiting for all the bits that are waiting in boxes to go on it but with a couple of items just for scale. So pleased with it!

Cinquante-neuf

I give thanks for budgeting time so I could sit in the sun with a bun before the taxi was due to arrive this lunchtime. He was so late and made such poor time that I was able to sit in the sun with my sarnies when I got tot the hospital too as no machines were free. Maybe that was why I couldn't get warm when I finally got on the ward where the staff were dashing round on a busy day with all windows open wide and fans blowing. I give thanks for layers of not very cosy but very welcome hospital blankets, and as I didn't want to push my arm out above them for just lying still when I'd finished my lunch. I could probably do with the rest, and had a nice little nap...after the tea trolley had been. I'm so grateful it was late today so I didn't miss it!

I give thanks for one of the cab drivers I can have a good chat with finally driving me home, and that there was some dinner made and just needing cooking. Ooh, and when I went into the kitchen just now to do that very thing I remembered I made jelly for afters before I went out. Vegetarian lemon with mandarins...yum yum! When I thought I might be home in time to do something useful with the evening I'd planned to do so, but maybe now I'll just watch TV and eat! I give thanks for the easterlies still blowing so the waves keep crashing in. I love that sight and sound...and smell...

Cinquante-huit

Early to bed, and early to rise and oh goodness me I do give thanks for having another snooze after taking my morning cuppa back to bed!

For my toes only being a little bit sore, they've been weeping but not making me...in fact it was just pain from rough needling yesteday and boring old joint aches troubling me today. I give thanks for soaking the latter in the sunshine on various handy benches after a successful LimbO dance in the shower.

I give thanks for taking it very easy in all departments as energy has been in short supply, and I'm easily exhausted. For some good surf noise drowning out other less appealing seaside sounds while I was outdoors reading my book. For spotting a couple more I couldn't resist buying in a charity shop window. For Tani buying me a little piece of halva after I needed a seat and a glass of water in the health food store. For saving it for another day and having a scoop of Kelly's ice cream as today's renal sin instead. It's the only ice cream I like that they sell nearby and for that I'm very grateful!

Cinquante-sept

OK, so the thing I was dreading most after yesterday's surgery was dealing with changing the dressings afterwards. I really did not want to look at what was under the gauze! So I give thanks for taking several deep breaths and giving it a go, well two goes actually - one for each toe. I give thanks I'll get lots of practice at toughening up as they need changing again tonight.

I give thanks for checking my bank account to see what juggling was needed before bills go out on Monday and discovered the DWP have just paid me most of the back dated money! There's still a few weeks they are not covering which I would like to query, but I can now do so feeling far less hard done by. As my electric bill still isn't sorted out it makes me less fearful of that, and as before long I'm bound to be told I'm too well for disability benefits and will have to do without at least until I can go to appeal, any remainder will soften the blow of that for a while. I give thanks I know I must thus be careful not to splash this cash but I could order the insulating lining for my outer living room walls and the pretty paper for the chimney breast...with much gratitude and excitement!

I give thanks someone rang the new improved entryphone bell today. It makes a nicer sound than the old one, but not one I could at first identify...I was pleased I could hold a clear conversation with the person on the doorstep and tell them I didn't want what they were offering but because I didn't I didn't have a chance to try out the door opening button yet.

I give thanks for finally being home after a rather long and trying day. There was a letter from the hospital when I got back and I thought 'Oh my giddy knickers - now what?', but it was from the consultant to say she had consulted with the specialist pharmacist as she had said she would and I have the OK to try CBD oil. She really is a star that woman, I am so grateful she is my consultant!

Cinquante-six

Without nail and I am so grateful to be the other side of this procedure I was dreading much more than much more complex and dangerous surgeries I've had. For very friendly helpful staff in attendance and my first go with a virtual reality headset which they are trying out to make the reality of what's going on easier to deal with for patients. Top marks from me on the feedback form, an absolutely brilliant idea!

I give thanks for Mima driving me to and fro, including a detour to a bistro on a hillside so I could treat her (and myself of course) to a rather fancy lunch in the hazy sunshine. It was all nice but the creme brulee was maybe the best I've ever had. Divine! I give thanks for thus making a hospital procedure on a day that's supposed to be a day off from hospital procedures feel like a pleasant outing.

It's been really muggy this afternoon so I've been grateful for changing into shorts and lounging around enjoying the post post-op adrenaline rush dreamy doziness. For sounds wafting in from outside that remind me of every summer everywhere, not because they are especially seasonal noises I guess but because you only hear them when the weather is warm and windows are open - the clatter of crockery, a baby crying, a radio on somewhere. Close my eyes and I could be a child again with a cotton frock and scabby knees and the path of my life stretching out before me.

Cinquante-cinq

Woohoo! I give thanks for our brand new entryphone system...and for Mima flat sitting so it could be fitted and the fire alarm tested. For a cheery taxi driver whisking me to the hospital on time to find a) there wasn't a machine ready and b) even when it should have been ready there was some technical problem causing more delay. I was grateful this meant I got to eat my sarnie with both hands, and that when the charge nurse was called over to work his magic, he not only found the error but said he'd take over the needle work, as he is the quickest and most efficient one for the job! He's also good fun to talk to, and the go to person for agreeing to treatment shortening as I was determined to get home in time for Rachel arriving, so a win win thing in the end.

I give thanks that she had said she would far rather contribute to decorating than catering so, with the help of a Waitrose dish from the freezer I'd managed to rustle something up with all the other stuff going on...and she went up the ladder and painted most of the top bits of the bathroom walls while her needles did their thing! I was so grateful...and she was rather chuffed I took over washing up and brush washing too. We may do this again...

I'm grateful for feeling fairly relaxed about tomorrow at the moment...or at least worrying more abut having to get up in good time, rather than what I'm getting up for! The trick now is not to fall asleep yet, as I am very tired by all the busyness of the day...or I'll be awake in the small hours fretting!

Cinquante-quatre

Trains and boats and planes. They're pretty much always guaranteed to get me out of bed!  This morning I was so grateful I'd been able to turn off my inner alarm clock and not only sleep late but lie in bed even later. When I heard through my open bedroom window the steam train coming along the line however, I was quite happy to leap up and dash through to the other side of the building to watch it pass by... and equally delighted to snuggle back down under the covers later!

I give thanks for the gripping tennis yesterday, the astonishment of seeing Mr Murray playing so well and the laudable stamina of 37 year old Mr Lopez. Playing and winning three matches one after the other in an afternoon - wouldn't mind some of what he's having for breakfast! And then to go on and win both of his very challenging matches today! Honestly I was kind of rooting for the other guys in the doubles as to lose to a chap with a newly fixed hip and someone who'd been playing for hours must have been quite a disappointment

Nonetheless I give thanks for having a bit of energy myself when I finally got up, and for fitting in a bit of light diy now my arm is feeling better and before my feet get worse. For avoiding men of a certain age and disposition today, having been mansplained to within an inch of my cordiality over the last few days. The two chaps in the hardware shop who couldn't grasp I merely wished to know the price of an unmarked product and was already perfectly capable of working out unaided what it was for and how to use it were bad enough. Maybe they thought I'd been sent to buy it, and was in danger of wasting my husband's hard earned cash, but at least unlike with taxi drivers, I could give up and walk out!

Cinquante-trois

Umm... let me see... I was grateful for getting up when wakeful in the night so I saw the bright moon shining on the sea. For having something I wanted to post so when I woke up the second time, extremely disinterested in getting up, I had to do so before too much of the morning had gone. For promising myself pancakes as a carrot...

Later on there were lots of sticks as many different sorts of troupes of Morris dancers were performing for the folk festival. I'd forgotten this was on and it was a tad awkward to negotiate with shopping bags so, after coming home for a nap, I give thanks for going back to watch some more... and eat that lemon curd ice cream! Oh, and for catching these ladies who weren't Morris dancers or belly dancers in the normal sense but did a slow and stately dance with their scimitars or whatever you call them - some of the time on their heads!

I give thanks for someone contacting me about collecting the underbed storage drawer I still have going spare. What a wonderful exercise in non-attachment to outcomes advertising on internet selling sites can be! I give thanks I'm passed even caring enough to send them a message about their non-arrival...for one thing I've realised there's tennis on the red button even though normal coverage has stopped and I'm very grateful for that!

Cinquante-deux

At the end of a trying day with transport, treatment etc, I stepped out of a taxi with an infuriating driver to find the sun still wonderfully warm, the trippers are dispersing and my favourite of the cafes along this street still open for a mug of tea and a slice of delicious carrot cake.I gave lots and lots of thanks! It's literally feet away from my doorstep, more mellow than the big one further along, and look, they have one of my favourite flowers on the tables giving out their fabulous spicy fragrance too.

I give thanks with my hunger and thirst thus assuaged I can catch up with today's recorded tennis. Yesterday had some excellent matches with surprising outcomes so I asked for the TV to be put on above my chair on the ward but it wouldn't go to the right channel, and though I could connect to the internet and watched some play on my tablet on my lap it wasn't ideal with various interruptions and disruptions. I give thanks for catching a few zzzs instead when things quietened down, and for avoiding any results

I give thanks it's the weekend...and that the weather tomorrow is said to be set fair. I plan to go along the coast a mile or two for fresh veg and some of that lush lemon curd ice cream. For my mobile which had a hissy fit earlier deciding to work again. I don't mind trying a new battery but really don't want to get another phone at the moment with so much financial outlay and uncertainty. For feeling so much better now they've stopped trying to remove fluid that isn't there...and for being able to eat lots of lovely food once more. Well at least twice more actually :-D

Cinquante-et-un

Aha, I give thanks I think I've sussed another quirk on human nature! I was grateful the man who wanted the free rug came to collect it today but, as I'd rather suspected he might, he wanted to come at a different time to the one originally agreed...and I got to wondering whether, if something is free, wanting it on a different day or at another time or delivered into the bargain is a way of bartering when no money is changing hands so the price can't come down. People like to think they're getting a bargain don't they?

Weary today and rather sore I give thanks for a little burst of energy I had when I came home last night. My fistula arm was keen to point out positions and actions that would hurt, and diy was definitely out, but I'd planned a naughty no fuss freezer to microwave meal so I did a bit of crafty stuff which was nice, hooking another row or so of my long neglected rag rug.

I wasn't enthusiastic about getting up to be ready for the man coming for the other rug but I did give thanks for the sunshine streaming in my kitchen window and it reminded me of the beautiful golden light I'd been grateful for yesterday evening. Most of the day has been rainy, and though I'd have preferred bright I was rather grateful for a fine excuse to spend an afternoon indoors watching tennis and occasionally working on another undemanding craft project.

I give thanks we're getting a new improved entryphone next week as today a very persistent meter reader from a different electricity wanted me to let them in on behalf of other flats. I'd been enjoying a snooze and it took me a while to get sorted to go downstairs by which time they'd gone! I give thanks I'd grabbed my mac and purse so I could pop out for a sweet treat for afternoon tea to make the effort worthwhile...

Cinquante

I give thanks I woke up in time to get the text my taxi was on its way. This was the 7.00 am one about which hospital staff yesterday dismissed my concerns...and I couldn't get through to anyone until half past to point out the error, by which time the driver had called me to find out where I was! Once again staff assured me it would be sorted but then I got a text to say Friday's taxi would be at 7.38 and no more info about today's...so I just had to get everything sorted in case it came early and then patiently (no pun intended) use the time in case it came late. I give thanks for thus getting a few more odds and ends done though they did make my arm rather sore -  but a bit of progress on the craft project I'm working on in odd moments, sorting out of recycling, going downstairs to collect a parcel left out of sight by a helpful communicative courier and another from the postman (Thanks Ann!) and getting fresh readings from my meter were all very welcome.

I was also very grateful in the midst of this I did not have to deal with a prospective rug collector! I exchanged messages with someone about this on Saturday and we agreed Thursday morning would be fine, then last night he asked for more details about where I lived and then said 'See you in the morning'. I was so dozy yesterday I actually wondered if I'd missed a day, but when I said in the morning would be Wednesday he asked if that was convenient. Well no duh! that's why I said Thursday. Obviously I was more polite than that, but seriously what is wrong with people? I know folk who would say it's all to do with the alignments of stars and other heavenly bodies and who knows, they may be right! Me, I have enough trouble making sense of what takes place on planet earth!

I give thanks for riding  the ups and downs of the rest of the day, including more taxis not turning up when I thought they would, or turning up when I thought they would not, a malfunctioning machine so my treatment was delayed and being in the bed next to the patient who doesn't like me using the internet...All these were offset by one of those blood flow rate tests to check if the fistula adjustment has done the trick showing that it has! Blood flow and pulse now perfectly normal. I am extremely grateful for this...

Quarante-neuf

Oh what a grey day mostly - and I have been most grateful for it! I'm always promising myself some time when there's no appointments, treatments, deliveries, collections or anything else requiring my attention I shall do sweet nothing at all and today I pretty much achieved this. I'm grateful after a lot pain last night my arm is only very tender today, while my fistula is purring like a cat - as it should have done all along, not throbbing like a pneumatic drill! I no longer have a buzz in my armpit and neck and my heart beat feels a little slower and calmer, but my whole body is rather tired and sore so it's been most welcome to just potter about in an unmotivated way... I give thanks my wounds have been 'superglued' so no dressings and no worry about getting them wet so I was able to have a long bath with a quarter of a Ceridwen's Cauldron, a facepack and a book. I give thanks rain stopped play at Queen's so I didn't have to hurry out of that.

I give thanks after some waiting on the phone and mixed responses I am now quite convinced I know where I'm supposed to be for treatment tomorrow, though no one managed to convince me the transport is in hand as I still haven't found out what time that is going to be. Oh well! I also give thanks for managing to allegedly make some progress with the electricity supplier from hell, after a call from the charity that is supposed to be helping me deal with them to say they wouldn't accept his authority. I dread to think how much of a bill I have rung up on the expensive day time rate as I can't make use of the cheaper night time one, but if I can manage to get a reading tomorrow on the way out of the flat, be charged and somehow pay for it maybe I can get rid of both Economy 7 and the utility company that is insisting on the tariff. Of course if the DWP would pay me the money from all the months they stopped it in error life would be a bit easier but the charity chap hasn't managed to make any progress with that either. I guess you get what you pay for eh?

Quarante-huit

I give thanks for being home and lying on my sofa with a mug of tea at a time when I'd have still been leaving the city in a taxi if I'd stuck to the hospital arrangements. I'm very grateful Julie had the afternoon off and had already offered to pick me up! We also somehow inadvertently went on a very scenic drive (ie got lost) on the way back, apparently going round in a circle on the prettiest narrow lanes which were luckily worth seeing twice. I give thanks we were blessed with the sight of a hare hopping along ahead of us at one point...what a treat!

It's been a long and somewhat taxing day and my arm is very sore but I give thanks the operation seems to have gone smoothly and, with a bit of luck, I don't have to do anything much apart from sleep, eat, read books and watch TV and Netflix tonight and tomorrow. I do have to try to find out where I'm meant to be and when on Wednesday as the latest texts from the taxi firm suggest a 0700 hrs pick up and a 1700 return and although I'm grateful for both treatment and transport I'm not keen to do that again...

Quarante-sept

I give thanks today wasn't all about household chores, though most of the bits I was upright were! I'm hopeful a procedure to adjust a fistula will be less limiting to arm movement afterwards than creating one from scratch, but just in case this is misplaced optimism, despite lack of motivation and energy I've been trying to ensure I don't have to lift much more than a finger for a day or two after I come home. I give thanks for uninterrupted snoozy bits in between. A Facebook user had asked if they were could come today to collect what the charity shop chaps yesterday didn't...but I've not heard a word from them since so I guess they are one of those strange folk who pretend they want stuff for unfathomable reasons of their own. I give thanks the upside of this has been I could just do what I needed to do including getting lots of rest in between more energetic pursuits. For the mostly grey, windy and showery weather so I didn't have to compete with tourists and trippers for a comfy seat in the sun...

I give thanks for managing to open a new bottle of bleach by holding the bottle between my knees so I could use both hands to squeeze the top. For the Co-op wrapping it in a compostable bag. For remembering to turn the immersion heater on before my bath this evening so it should be deeper and hotter than last night's tepid puddle! For a very helpful young lady on the podiatry clinic helpline informing me I don't need to buy Limbo products from them as I had been led to believe. This meant I discovered the Limbo site with the full range of items the hospital didn't offer and could order above-the-knee protectors so I can allegedly have a bath after my feet are operated on. I got two different sizes for my two different size legs and have just discovered the skinny one will also work to protect my fistula wound in the shower before it's needed lower down and when washing my hair over the bath afterwards. I'm grateful for this, as I have enough trouble wrapping cling film round sandwiches with two hands, let alone wrapping my right arm with my just my left. Ah, I give thanks writing that has reminded me to boil an egg for one of tomorrow's sarnies

Quarante-six

Gosh, well that was a treat eh? The sun came out while I was out, and as I had already arranged to meet Mima for some refreshments we could bag one of the al fresco tables at the new plant-based cafe en la ciudad de mi corazon. The past week has had some trials to contend with and it was good to relax for a while, and be warm and dry enough not to need all the many protective layers I was carting around with me.

I've been in some considerable pain again and after hunting and gathering some fresh fruit and veg and other odds and ends I gave thanks for coming home and having a long lie down while the sunshine and breeze helped dry the laundry by the window. I promised myself no decorating today, but I give thanks for breaking that vow and doing a couple of little bits of work that needed no big ladders, heavy cans of paint  or grovelling in awkward places, but are something to look at and smile about and think 'Ooh it's coming on!'

I give thanks for the building manager sending a someone from the door company out to double check the neighbours who have been relentlessly ringing my bell insisting I come downstairs as they can't get in are simply not doing it right. I'd managed to demonstrate the correct use of a key to the woman who summoned me crossly the other afternoon, but the chap last night when I was getting ready for bed was in such a strop I decided not to go there. I'm very grateful we are due to get the new entryphone soon so at least I can just push a button if they keep pushing mine. Oh and I give thanks for the courier who left a card telling me where to find a hidden parcel when I came home this afternoon. Inside were my new pink plant pots for my new plants for the bathroom. I've tried and failed to change the bracket to put the blind back up, and haven't been up to stretching up for more painting in there so it's nice to see a bright change anyway. Right I'm off for a bath to enjoy the greenery and pinkery before my tea...have a lovely evening folks!

Quarante-cinq

I give thanks for surviving the day's transport confusion with moderate patience and good humour. The taxi that came to pick me up today was the second of the two I'd had notifications for, and as I'd been told it was the first one that was right I was all ready for that and wondering whether both had been cancelled by mistake or the first one was late...or what. Luckily I had an easily to pick up and put down craft project so I was grateful for making some progress on that. I gave thanks for finally finding out what is happening on Monday when I have to have both treatment and my fistula op. Basically although no one can tell me exactly what time I'll be brought in (helpful!) it's going to be a very long day...I give thanks I won't be nil by mouth but will have to bring a lot of food, prepared the night before of course...And I give thanks for sussing out the taxi I'd been advised was bringing me home was actually coming at a different time than I'd had a message about so I although I was waiting longer than I'd have preferred at least I wasn't getting too het up about it.

Whatever these inconveniences they pale into insignificance beside the delight that is not being turned into a cornflake by unnecessary fluid extraction. It's been a long hard three month trying to get this sorted and I thought it was really nice one of the sisters on the ward actually apologised for making me feel so uncomfortable and unwell. The uncertainty of my current regime, the transport puzzles to solve, the enforced proximity of new people and new processes to get used to, to say nothing of having my blood wandering around all afternoon, it's all quite exhausting enough...but it's a whole different sort of tired and far more manageable.

I give thanks for remembering to download some entertainment, and for my headphones making the ward a little quieter. I even managed to wedge Pat's cushion over one side and get a decent nap. I wouldn't be able to put earplugs one handed but I might see if I can a more sound insulating headset moving forward, meanwhile I give thanks for just finishing the first series of Black Spot just as they released a second season, that will draw my attention away from all the noise and intrusions.

Finally I give thanks for being home, with a mug of roobosch as it's too late for caffeine for me, and a plate of quick food ready to serve. I have to be up in the morning for something to be collected although I don't know when. I give thanks I'm getting better at this now!

Quarante-quatre

I give thanks for Prêt a Manger's hot pots of delight...just the thing to perk one up on a wet cold trudge through the city taking advantage of some small retail opportunities! It would have been a great morning to stay in bed after a disturbed and painful night, and gratitude was in short supply when my alarm woke me, but I did give thanks for choosing to travel to the hospital by train and bus across the city for a different journey experience and fresh views to feast my eyes on. What a beautiful place to live!

There was more walking involved in the day than someone with fibromyalgia and arthritis would prefer, but I give thanks for very productive meetings with medical professionals regarding renal matters. I was told it's now OK for me to occasionally use anti-inflammatory cream on my sore bits and enquiries will be made to the pharmacist about CBD oil. The dietician advises my blood tests show I can cut down on some of my pills and my occasional food sins aren't doing me any harm while the consultant will tell the staff to ignore any weight fluctuations as if I put on a pound or two it's pies not pee, boost my EPO to see if it gets my haemoglobin up to a more workable level and see if there is any progress on finding me a regular treatment slot somewhere so I can better plan my life. All this made me really rather happy as you can imagine...but just as I was leaving she said she'd heard I'd been asking about holidays and had I any plans, and I mumbled about cost and advance planning and Brexit uncertanties putting paid to those ideas. And then she said something that dialysis patients can usually only dream of...she said 'You know with your results if you wanted a long weekend I wouldn't have problem with you taking a day off now and then.' A day off, as in no dialysis!!! It's like a fairy tale...you expect to have more treatment as time goes on, not less. And though I accept one day this will probably happen to me, I am indescribably grateful for this wonderful blessing in the meantime. I give great thanks for the little miracles that happen in my body sometimes....and for the happy chemicals coursing through it since I had this news.

Quarante-trois

I give thanks for my naivety. It means I believe more b*llocks than is wise, or comfortable when realisation I've been foolish dawns but, you know, it came to me last night people say stuff that isn't true for a reason and me assuming it is is a useful service in a way. Maybe they wanted to kid themselves as well for a while, or gain some benefit by exaggeration and embellishment, or simply enjoy (or perhaps can't help) making stuff up... Whatever the motivation you need to have a gullible person on the receiving end if that's your game, and clearly I'm continously willing and able to swallow tall tales perhaps because I'm so rubbish at telling them myself. Oh... I give thanks for my honesty too!

I give thanks for getting some sleep last night. I'm beginning to fret about the next few weeks with various appointments and surgeries, and associated pain and inconvenience... while still dealing with the pain and convenience of going to hospital for dialysis three days a week of course. That's going to be the hard part for me as my usual way of dealing with the aftermath of surgery is to hole up for a while. I must be grateful for the opportunity to improve my skills at getting washed, dressed, with tidy hair ready to face the world with false good humour when I just want to stay in bed.

I give thanks for the swings today - I managed to come in at the right weight so didn't have to have 'excess' fluid removed but transport was an all roundabout muddle with two cabs sent to pick me up from home and then the return one later than requested and then even later than they confirmed making  nearly 7 hrs round trip for 3 and a quarter treatment! I was particularly grateful that I'd not been maniacally dehydrated and better able to deal with all the waiting around. In fact I popped over to the Waitrose next door to check out if it's a good one...and yep it is, all my favourites and more!
I give thanks thanks for internet access some of the time... though not on my tablet so I couldn't watch the last part of the series I was enjoying that I'd 'saved' but sadly not downloaded. I had brought my headphones however, to enjoy it quietly without intruding on people's ears as they do mine with their televisions so I gave thanks I could listen to some soothing Imee Ooi...and after a bit the internet popped back for a half an episode.

I give thanks for the smell of dhal when I walked through the door. I was so focussed on tonight's tea of pasta I'd forgotten I made that as well for tomorrow. Made me feel well cared for even if ir qa me taking care of me!

Quarante-deux

Ouch! I've done too much much too old, it's damp and cold and my joints have been sorely complaining... I give thanks I didn't have to be anywhere today, and though there were places I'd have liked to have been of course, first choice was under the duvet so that was easily achieved! Unfortunately when I poke my head out above the quilt, or pop to the kitchen for refreshments, I soon come across chores that need doing and so eventually had to get up and see to these, but I'm grateful for the jobs that got done especially for some more sorting out in my bedroom so duvet days are more successful in future. Oh and for my hands going into spasm in the late afternoon so I could prop my tablet up on some cushions on the sofa beside me, curl up and watch some silly but entertaining stuff on Netflix.

I give thanks for being forewarned that I'm at the other unit the next few dialysis days as the other two times I've been there I weighed precisely a kilo more on their scales than the ones on the ward (and precisely a kilo less on my return!) As no one seems the least interested in this anomaly
I know they will try to strip my body of excess fluid that is not there and I will come home feeling like death so am trying to eat a sparrow diet to stay as light as I can. Feeling pretty grim about the injustice and inefficiency of this (to say nothing of missing my food!) I give thanks for remembering as I have to go back the day after tomorrow to see the consultant maybe she'll listen and be amenable to making treatment less of a torture in future...

Quarante-et-un

Stormy weather has its upside. Last night I gave thanks for looking out of the window when the clouds parted to reveal a (well) washed blue sky reflected in the brook outside so that it matched the sea. Oh and for a but of thunder and lightning on the way home today¬

I give thanks for sleeping well, this is always a bonus! I could have slept later, but with the weather report for tomorrow morning being even wetter than today I thought I'd better go out and do a couple of things and save myself a soaking. I give thanks there's a shopping map for the town, as there are businesses in places you might not know about, but oh I wish there was a timetable too as I managed to go to another shut shop today, and up a hill too! I give thanks I did get a new iron though, which I'm cautiously optimistic may perform better than the one I had before, and not merely char any fabric it goes near. I can't manage a heavy one, and this is lightweight, and bright pink, but so far that is all I can tell you.

I give thanks for reassembling my made over chest of drawers, and being absolutely delighted with how it has turned out. For finding a roll of wrapping paper to line the drawers in my morning travels as though I had odds and ends of paint in all the colours I wanted (including silver for the knobs) the roll of paper I'd lined the other drawers with turned out to have run out.

I give thanks by restricting my food intake over the weekend I managed to persuade the member of staff putting me on the machine today not to attempt to remove excess fluid that isn't there. Also that I have an appointment with the consultant on Thursday when maybe we can come up with a better way to estimate what needs to be done. I feel so much better after treatment when I've not been mercilessly dehydrated, and I give thanks for just being a bit tired and sore this evening, not utterly wiped out. I give thanks for eating lots of food too...because if I lose too much body weight they just lower the 'dry weight' target again, and I'll have to starve myself even more...

Quarante

Got lots done in the beauty parlour today. Not really, I'm kidding you, it was the shed - though my nails, face and hair have had various substances applied in the process, and I nearly have a new chest (of drawers). I give thanks for not quite completing work on that as I abandoned it to finish concealing a sandwich effect on the edge of a jutting piece of bathroom wall where plasterboard and tiles had been attached round the corner. And when that had been filled and sanded to an acceptable degree I thought I'd stick a coat of paint on it before I packed up for the day as I'd tried out a few testers on that bit too so it really was rather unsightly. One more job I wanted to get done before my arm operation as I won't want to be wielding any tools for a while after that.

I give thanks my solitary life means slapdash catering and personal hygiene cannot offend, and the energy that might have been expended could be put to more useful use. Likewise for not going out, and thus also for missing some heavy rain and hailstorms, as well as sunny spells. For some good tennis during which to sit down and rest.

I give thanks for being in better spirits today. For pain in various body parts being manageable...and the pain in my big toes being a positive blessing as it makes me more positive about thar surgery. For catching up with 63 Up - so poignant watching my almost peers grow up and begin to grow old, and to see different ways life can be lived. I give thanks most of those featured have had long happy marriages, especially the children's home kids.

Trente-neuf

I give thanks for co-incidence and synchronicity. As the credits rolled up at the end of last night's film I realised I'd had the urge to watch it on the anniversary of Alan Turing's death, and then this morning that it was also the anniversary of the day I started keeping my blog... I am so grateful finding gratitude has become a habit!

I give thanks for drifting quickly off to sleep last night for a couple of blissful hours to see me through a bunch of far from blissful ones after. And that I didn't have to get up early for anything after waking up late the second time. On the other hand I give thanks there were things I did have to do or I'd have stayed there most of the day feeling miserable and blue...and though I didn't feel any more cheerful for making myself move at least I didn't feel even more of a failure than I did anyway.

I give thanks I didn't know the shop I needed to go to closed at lunchtime otherwise I'd have known I'd missed it and missed a walk. In fact I'd probably have missed it anyway as they seemed to have shut earlier than the time on the door. Ah, it's always good to have another lesson about assumptions eh?

I give thanks for a nap on the sofa, for a Tesco driver cheerfully carrying my order upstairs and into the kitchen. For making some inroads into the to do list if not quite getting to ticking stage...

Trente-huit

I give thanks for the person I was this morning (so happy and healthy, energetic and optimistic) though I do rather wish this other self was here to help the person I am tonight (cross eyed with fatigue and crotchety after a day of transport cock ups, traffic snarl ups and endlessly intrusive noise from other beings on the planet)

I give thanks for being home at last and with the weekend stretching before me to (I hope) recover some of the good that acupuncture and a gong bath did for me. For my home which I love. It makes such a difference when you're always the wrong shaped peg if you can have a nice little hole of your own.

I was sent to the other unit again today so I give thanks for another chance to get a bit more used to how it's going to be. For finding my idea of a good book in the hospital waiting room, though it wasn't quiet enough to concentrate on reading it much while I was there. I give thanks that other patients and staff enjoy the social life of the ward, and have people on the phone waiting to hear how their day is going and what time they'll be back.

I give thanks for having the Imitation Game to watch again. I'm just in the mood for that...

Trente-sept

Mmmm...I give thanks for the joyous legal high that is the aftermath of acupuncture. It didn't totally offset the sink like a stone low of dialysis aftermath but most of the time I felt better than I did bad if you see what I mean. I give thanks for a bit more energy and less pain today which was particularly welcome as I had such a lot to do...

I give thanks for the bright warm sunshine and missing the showers, though I was grateful for my cagoule to protect me from the frisky breeze. For always forgetting just how lovely my dentist is - it is a genuine pleasure to spend time with him, apart from the reason I do of course!

I give thanks for some super customer service from Wilko regarding my stuck roller blind and an excellently resourceful chap working out why the replacement pulley didn't pull either. For finding they had house plants too! My big green pets are very happy to welcome some new arrivals...Oh and some samples arrived of insulating lining paper I want for some of the living room, and of wallpaper I spotted the company also sell. Think I'm going to have to add a couple of rolls of this to the order for my chimney breast. I was very grateful to come across something non trend following as I can make clothes and soft furnishings to my taste but wallpaper is a challenge too far!

I give thanks it's gongs this evening. It's been a while since I bathed in sound waves and it will make a nice change from plodding on with trying decorate the bathroom. Besides you get to lie down :-)

Trente-six

Apart from the acupuncture, company, washing up and praise for my food or having some cooked for me (all of which I'm very grateful for!) another perk of Rachel coming is that I usually do some housework before she arrives so that the place is clean and spruce. Feeling pretty feeble this morning I found the cleaning and sprucing quite hard going but I sure did appreciate it coming home from the hospital even more tired and wan. And with my kitchen (briefly) spick and span I could also appreciate the efforts of Clive and myself in carrying on creating the delightfully unsleek retro kitchen that I had in mind. OK he did all the cutting and drilling and screwing but I came up with the plan and design and ran up a couple of tie backs for the curtains while I was waiting for him last night. I really give thanks sometimes I live alone and can give my decorative choices as free rein as my purse, capabilities and persuasive powers allow!

It was a bit of a trying day at the office today with a painful blown vein and then a vicious blood pressure plummet making me feel faint and nauseous, so I was grateful for all the care and attention I got when I needed it. and for a late lunch and a snooze to set me right. For the Co-op for selling six very passable mini apple pies for a pound - just right to take for  a tasty dessert! I'm particularly grateful it's Rachel's turn to cook as well and that she's making me a cup of tea of tea while I type and she rustles up kedgeree. Oh and for rain in Paris meaning I didn't miss any tennis. I give thanks she thinks the kitchen is looking fab...I wonder what she'll make of the changes in the bathroom...

Trente-cinq

I give thanks for technology - it's great when it works and saves you phone calls and footfall. For the hold messages on helplines I called when technology failed today didn't suggest I visited their websites! For finally managing to renew my book by taking it to the library and eventually receive delivery of surgical supplies.

I give thanks for managing to fit some stuff I wanted to do between things I was waiting for without clues as to when they would happen, For practice at exercising patience...it would have been nice perhaps to have done less of this but my hands kept cramping up so they preferred the periods of doing less... And I give thanks for some good tennis to watch in these.

I give thanks the sun came out late in the afternoon, especially for the folk in shorts and flip flops I passed sheltering under drippy awnings when I scuttled out for supplies in the rain. Brrr...I was grateful I wasn't a holiday maker then! Now of course I rather envy them strolling around but I've just heard from Clive that he is at last on his way to do some do-it-himself for me so that's certainly worth both waiting in and being grateful for!

Trente-quatre

Probably my favourite part of a day with a few was when I went into the bathroom this morning and liked the colour of the paint I'd patchily applied on some parts that I could reach. Even in this state I thought it looked much nicer than the magnolia that was there before and I was extremely grateful!

I give thanks that Rachel sent me a text at 7.30 saying she couldn't come so I had plenty of time to figure out what I could make for supper - and make it - before making lunch and otherwise preparing for my day. I give thanks for lunch being my current favourite - a pitta pocket stuffed with chopped up falafels, cucumber and red pepper in mayonnaise. For one of my favourite nurses putting me on the machine. She's one I can have a proper conversation with and we usually end up having quite a giggle too...it was a shame she pressed the button on the machine to fill me up with zombie juice during the afternoon though, elixir of life would be much better.

I was grateful I didn't see the patient who doesn't like me using the internet so I could watch some tennis on my tablet in between trying to have a snooze despite the bustle and noise and trying to finish the library book I can't renew as the website is down for maintenance...

I give thanks for trying to do a bit more painting this evening but my hands are crampy and reaching up or bending down makes me feel a little light headed. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about the bits I can't reach...Perhaps I'll make friends with a tall and kind person with time on their hands, or maybe, equally likely, I'll grow...Still, it's reached the stage where if it progressed no further I could still live with it quite happily until this conundrum is solved. And I'm very grateful for that!

Trente-trois

I give thanks for rain and pain to start the day... so very appropriate for staying snuggled up under the covers late into the morning! For only really having two items on the agenda: to proceed with the great magnolia cover up, and to keep an eye on proceedings at Roland Garros. This made things pretty simple and by only adding snacks and naps to the list I am grateful to report a satisfying amount of both were achieved!

I give thanks for having my painting clothes on when a violent spasm in my leg sent half a mug of tea into my lap... And that as I had my painting clothes on, I had a blanket under me to protect the sofa from these.

I give thanks for remembering Rachel is coming tomorrow evening and bringing food so I don't have to remember to cook something before I go out to the hospital. For the sight of a man cycling with a cello in a hard case on his back. He wasn't very young nor going very fast, but hey I can relate to that...

Trente-deux

I give thanks I thought I had a rather good idea for a rather random day out today...and even more so that I turned out to be right! Last year I went to a fab beach cafe and though it's at the far end of next county and quite a distance to go for lunch, that's what I planned to do.

I give thanks for a pretty (and pretty long train!) journey, a delightful destination, pleasant weather, excellent company and the most delicious food with a most enjoyable view. I'm tired and sore and my ankle is horribly swollen but it was one of the nicest things I've done for a while and my spirits are very grateful for a change of scene and a sense of possibilities again. I am also rather grateful now to be back home!