Veintiuno

I give thanks for lemon scented hospital soap. Who would think it would be so pleasant? For a nurse I've known since starting dialysis, but not seen for ages, answering the bell when I rang it, attending to my requirements and sharing a laugh over a colleague of his who seems terrified of my toilet needs. She just came over all faint when I asked her to accompany me to the loo and patients were asking her if they should ring the bell for assistance for her! I think she thinks I'm a botched job lady boy and she doesn't feel brave enough to look!

For surviving being taken for a lumbar spine X ray at 7.15 before a cup of tea and any pain relief... and thus missing breakfast, tea and having a wash. For nagging mercilessly until these basic human rights were finally restored. I try to accommodate routine and a lack of staff but there's a limit! Later I watched a cup of tea grow cold while I had an ultrasound of the heart, and slept through the after lunch one...but by then the housekeeping staff had spotted the plot to dehydrate me and brought me one unbidden when I woke up for which I was very grateful.

I give thanks the consultant on duty said preliminary reports from these investigations didn't show too much too wrong but I've still got to stay in until they do the MRI and dialysis on Monday at least. I told her the pain was much better and I was physically feeling OK but the stress of the noise and bustle and close proximity of so many people was really hard... And she got it as her husband was the same!

Veinte

I giva thanks I've tried to write my blog...over and over again but it keeps disappearing and I have lost the will to try again

I'm grateful for the people who have tried to help in various ways, for trying to be patient with those who have seemed to hinder. For surviving various mis matches of arrival and departure that meant I've missed much missed hot drinks and pain relief. For the side room while it lasted and for an emergency delivery of ear plugs when that joy was called to a brutal halt. I give thanks there seem to be enough who like to talk about their many sufferings and woes so I didn't need to play the whinging game.. Oh and special mention to a gentle giant of a porter who manoeuvred me with the greatest of (his) ease.

Diecinueve

I give thanks for the mercy of sleep which, after so many hours of fiscomfort and wakefulness, has been copious and delightful despite the frequent interruptions for questions and injections...As my dreams are often hospital related it can be very disorientating when I come round and wonder what was true or not. And if there's questions  to answer I have to be on the ball as I can drift in and out of consciousness more than once in within single word or thought, and say something irrelevant or worse!

If I'm typing and doze off mid word it can be challenging to work out what something like remenerinbjp0eta was meant to be as my hand slid down the screen. (remember)

I give thanks for not dreaming two favourite nursing staff helping me through sessions in the new to me real ward. The one I was moved to from ED is a kind of human miscellaneous folder and the staff seem to be very moithererd by their difficult charges so the effect is calmer here...Its nice to be cared for by someone you know a little, and to take care to try to get to know new folk you encounter a little as well, finding out more about them as people.

For a rich cocktail of drugs plus time poor physios helping me move to the vertical and walk with a zimmer frame around the bed. It felt wonderful and I will never make fun of the devices again!

For making it to the chair this evening for a wash and my last clean nightie and knickers. For clean sheets on the bed! Thank goodness we don't have to
Supply our own.

Right it's taken me hours to write and correct this. Hope I've said something worthwhile somewhere... Have a good night

Dieciocho

Tuesday am. Well, that's a first - sleeping right through blogging time last night. I've mostly been asleep since the ambulance men left me yesterday afternoon, totally wiped out with pain.

Forgot my lunch, forgot my supper, forgot my meds. I give thanks I'm surviving my horizontal situation but it's becoming increasingly unpleasant for me not being able to keep get properly clean, wash my hair, wash my clothes or change the bedding...and irritating not being able to hold my phone and type accurately in any position I can attain. At the moment it's so slow and awkward I actually doze off before I'm done and start hitting whatever keys my fingers make contact with as my arm drop down.

I've been grateful for all the suggestions for regarding stuff I should have prepared for unforeseen calamaties, but the truth of the matter is I didn't forsee something I'd never encountered before, and the only non day to day items within reach were those for the mini break I should have been setting off for earlier today. Oh fate you can be rather mean sometimes?

I give thanks for Mima coming to help with some stoma needs, snacks and packing an inpatient bag this morning. I'd expected to have hospital lunch not long after  so even with my mini appetite just now I'm feeling ready for something and must try next to summon an ambulance and supper when I arrive!

Diesisiete

I give thanks for still being here, although still largely horizontal as any attempt towards the perpendicular makes the pain much worse for longer and still doesn't get me there. The first part of the night those vicious spasms kept waking me from the mercy of sleep, but after a spell without I gave thanks for feeling so much better and more rested For managing some careful relatively pain free moving around the before that set everything off again.

To Julie for attending to late morning hygiene and nutritional needs, and some mulling over the mysteries of (some) human(s) behavior. For Mima being Clive's assistant when he came round to do some handy manning. For making us some simple supper when he'd gone, and setting me up for as easy a flat on my back night as possible. It really is quite complicated, especially holding/ typing on my phone and getting pills down my throat instead of lost in the covers or on the carpet

I'm grateful the group at pub have been enjoying a long karaoke session - they sound like they're having fun and it's almost keeping me awake as I wait for my NHS 111 call back booked at 3pm. I'd called the renal ward for advice as to how to get to treatment tomorrow when I can't stand up let alone dress, walk or go down stairs. They said I had to ring the out of hours docs again and call back with what they said but of course they are busy with more urgent cases... and I have an ever more urgent need for sleep.

Dieciseis

I give thanks for thinking, when my laptop seized up last night, that it was the last straw in a bale full recently. For not realising that something far worse than not being able to print out letters and bank statements to try and get my latest ESA cuts explained, if not reinstated was in store for me in the shape of my back seizing up too!

I give thanks this level of pain and incapacity are unfamiliar to me. Even with a kind doctor delivering stronger meds than I'm usually allowed, I've literally not been able to get out of bed bar once to go to the loo with Mima's help, but still screaming and shouting with pain, and with excruciating spasms en route. I give thanks for her making me a light lunch I could eat almost horizontal, and for Julie helping me find almost horizontal ways of dealing with personal care when a second attempt at a bathroom break proved too much for me to bear. As moving arms, legs and all other body parts hurt my back and tire me to the point I drop off if I stop for long enough, I give thanks for the patches of oblivion. Also that despite having to type most letters several times as a I'm struggling to hit the right keys, I've pretty much come to the end now. Only took an hour and a half..

Quince

I've been talking to strange men a lot these past few months, and a strange phenomenon I've noticed is the conversational subject most of them seem to enjoy best is...themselves! You may ask them questions, make appreciative comments etc, but they mostly ignore anything you say about you except for perhaps a brief interjection to steer the dialogue back to the monologue, or maybe point out where you are going wrong regarding your world view and opinions. (One of my drivers is so convinced he's always right that I secretly call him Mr!) I give thanks for this insight into other's minds, and occasionally a private chuckle over the fact, although I'm listening, it's mostly to the way they say it l, not to what is being said.

I give thanks for an unscheduled visit from Rachel today as all the ones we tried to schedule didn't come to pass. For a good long catch up chat with someone who sees the humour and beauty and mysteries in the world, as well as sharing food and an acupuncture treatment, of course. Also for not replying to all the people over the years who have asked me if I 'believe in it' with something along the lines of 'No I just like to spend my £s month after month on something that doesn't exist'! I give thanks for feeling better after my treatment whether it it works or not...

Catorce

I give thanks for a better night's sleep last night than the one before... and that that was better than the one before that! Still nowhere good enough, but better is better if you know what I mean...and waking up not too exhausted and with nothing to rush for was very welcome too. I give thanks the latest nasty fibromyalgia attack is gradually quietening down, and I'm thus feeling stronger and more capable again as the ghastly all over pain subsides. The combination of this, a non-dialysis day and some warm sunshine meant, like many with fluctuating illness, I refused to go along with this 'pace yourself' lark and did much too much instead!

I give thanks as I had to go to pick up some new new deeper dark sunglasses a good deal of this doing could be interspersed with sitting watching the sea and munching local delights like a Gregg's vegan sausage roll and lemon curd ice cream. I was able to admire the wonderful TRAIL sculptures this year and be grateful that some of the other people were enjoying a high soprano busker with karaoke machine singing about beautiful mornings, enchanted evenings and the like. She had a lovely voice but her musical taste was a long long way from mine...although who knows, maybe it was a slightly misguided but commercially minded repertoire.

I give thanks another upside of feeling more human is I'm feeling more positive about the medical scares. When you're in the middle of a flare up it's a lot easier to believe you're knocking on heaven's door. I was also grateful for the text when I was out to say my flexi save Tesco delivery slot would be between 5 and 6 as I was getting slower and slower as I was out and needed a long rest when I got home. Meanwhile the poor driver, who arrived at 4 unaware I'd been told differently, was frustratedly ringing my turned off phone... so I'm grateful he eventually had the bright idea of ringing the entry bell, and even more so that he carried my goodies up to my door!

Trece

Call the cops! I give thanks for discovering this not very appealing sounding programme actually combines a favourite genre (real life police work) with the pleasure of seeing places you know on TV. The lack of resources the local force have to service such a large geographical area is horrifying and I give great thanks they don't all give up and change jobs or go sick with the stress. Even if everyone in the area gave up crime there'd still be plenty for them to do! It also explains why I normally only see a patrol car dashing through past my window on its way to somewhere else...

Hmm...what else to be grateful for? Well I give thanks I was back on the unit to catch the last day ever of a member of staff who was widowed a few months ago and decided it was time to face the fact you don't know how much time you've got, and to do some of the things she meant to do with her husband. She was one of my favourites so I was rather sad to see her go though but I couldn't fault her choices. I also give thanks I didn't hear until nearly home time that whatever Monday's tests did or didn't show I must go for a CT scan the beginning of next month. As you can imagine alarm bells are ringing very loudly right now...but I do give thanks I have a lot of practice at this kind of situation. Also, of course, if it's really bad news I they have to give me some PIP!

I give thanks for having rather more energy and less pain since I came round after yesterday's delights, and though there hasn't been time to do anything particularly jolly with this bonus I did manage to go to the shop for pesto and whip up some assorted leftovers to go with pasta swirls, and do a load of laundry...which are exceedingly practical and useful tasks. As I feel if my time here is going to be limited I should crack on with doing the flat, I give thanks for stripping off some more wallpaper too! It makes the place look worse but it's so astonishingly easy to remove (despite being woodchip!) it's a way of progressing that's not too tiring or messy for me. Ah if only I could reach the top bits though,,,

Doce

Oh my goodness I give thanks that is over! My PIP assessment that is. Of course it's just one obstacle on the course but it a particularly important and taxing one. I give thanks for an extra bad night last night (with renal symptoms, not worry) so I felt and looked pretty grim which hopefully will help my case. Also the assessor didn't arrive until well over an hour into the appointment slot, I had a good long  chat with Kate the kidney advocacy officer as we waited which meant I was already ready to lie down in a darkened room before she arrived. We talked about both relevant matters like the tricks of the assessors' trade plus ways in which her organisation could help me improve my quality of life, and irrelevant things too. You would think we wouldn't have much in common but we found we shared a surprising number of interests and views, plus horror stories about growing up in dysfunctional families which was especially welcome right now. I give thanks by the process was over I was beginning to turn into zombie woman before their very eyes...

I give thanks I hadn't planned anything else for today, because after the gruelling grilling and physical tests I shuffled along to my bedroom with arms outstretched for balance, groaning slightly and trailing my fistula dressing. I thought a bit of Netflix might be pleasant but that proved taxing so I watched the walls instead until I fell fast asleep. I give thanks when I woke I felt better than I have done for a while, not least due to the relief. Obviously there are more difficult things to deal with - the latest ESA problems, the electric company muddle and the nervous wait for medical test results but one off the to fret over list is good!

Once

Well that was a long and somewhat tense day at the office... I give thanks none of the results back so far show why the the routine tests showed things may be quite seriously awry behind the scenes in my body. There are more to come back however, plus further more worrying ones that can be done, so I just have to hang in there and try not to die of fear or fret in the meantime. I give thanks for the dreaded PIP assessment tomorrow morning, that should take my mind off things for a while! And for appreciating the irony of multiple medical investigations to try to find out what else ails me being so swiftly followed by an attempt to prove how well I am next day! I'm also grateful for the welfare system no matter how unfair it often seems to be, and for the stretched NHS stretching itself a little more to try and keep me well(ish).

I give thanks I might have a home cooked meal later, after having done some prep yesterday and then some more this morning...just one more stage to go. For making the staff laugh on the ward - I can't do much in return for keeping me alive but laughter is such wonderful medicine in a way I'm doing my bit. Oh and I give thanks after the recent panic about my health finally biting the bullet and contacting a relative who had been trying to find me for years. The jury is still out on how I feel about it, but he seems pleased so it seems I've done the right thing...

Diez

Well today has been all about all the things I have or have had the matter with me, as any spare time between the unavoidable routine tasks has been spent continuing to compile notes for my PIP assessment on Tuesday. It's exhausting as, as usual, getting my fingers to hit the right places on the keyboard is hit and miss! Nonetheless experience suggests I'll be too stressed to do much but gibber in the interview so I'm grateful I'm giving it a try and have some belief I can focus on my typed crib sheets words when required. I give thanks it's nearly over as I'm feeling pretty rough mentally and physically all ready and dwelling on all my difficulties en masse is not helping at all.

I give thanks for a bit more sleep last night and a bit less pain today. For managing to make it to the supermarket round the corner. My list was too long and I couldn't carry everything on it so I'm grateful it wasn't the Earl Grey tea bags that got thrown out of the basket and, in fact, they they even got thrown in. My favourite Clipper ones are discontinued in Tesco and so expensive elsewhere I'll have to discontinue their use, I give thanks for starting to cook a meal though I think I may have to abandon continuing for this evening. I give thanks for a fridge and freezer full of snacks...

Nueve

I give thanks as the last two or three weeks have contained so many unpleasant surprises, when I found one more sting in the tail in my inbox after posting last night though I was disappointed it just kind of blended in. For being fairly sure I'll summon up enough get up and fight back and try to sort more of it out at some point in the future.

Get up and go was in short supply this morning so I give thanks for staying in bed as long as I could, leaving certain aspects of my personal care to within a millimetre of minor disaster...though I'm grateful I didn't know that at the time! Also grateful I didn't realise how much heating and serving up a few mostly ready made food items and standing up looking out of the window yesterday evening would result in pain today. For not going out to make things worse and for Julie and Spencer bringing heavy things in for, hopefully, home improvements one day not like today...

For moonlight on the dark and frowning sea last night when pacing away my itches and twitches and restless legs. For trying to remain composed about the as yet unidentified health crisis - main hospital Monday for tests alongside regular treatment. For appreciating the irony that, as this is a gratitude blog, many readers will assume this doesn't faze, worry, stress or depress me at all!

Ocho

I give thanks for the taxi drivers and staff I encountered today being the kind that don't do my head in! When I arrived on the unit however there was a note on the board next to my name that sent my blood pressure and pulse rate rather high, as something in Wednesday's routine blood test meant another urgent one today to be processed straight away. Cue a couple of hours panic going through all the possibilities and possible repercussions, and I was moderately grateful to discover the reasons they  told me later didn't seem all that worrying, although hearing the consultant had said as long as I felt well I could go home was a tad concerning. I give thanks she rang me at home later to explain why she thought I might not feel well. Jeepers Creepers! She's as mystified as I am as to why certain things have suddenly gone so out of kilter and is going to ring the biochemist over the weekend...and I'm going to continue to try not to panic (much). Oh and not take any more CBD oil as this was the only new substance in my system we could think of.

I give thanks the carnival parade was still on got night despite the apoplectic weather warnings earlier...and for the weather not being particularly apoplectic! For Mima popping in on her way back from London for one of my picnic style teas before we watched from my perfectly placed window - you can watch the procession twice as the road splits into single flow traffic around the crazy golf. Lots to enjoy but I'm not going to post and blurry low light and rainy window views when you can find videos on line. The last section was surprisingly spectacular with Spark! LED drummers - who would have been good just drumming and moving around in formation, but with their silver suits and colour changing kit they were a real feast for the eyes as dusk fell. There was also a DJ with the kind of bass you can feel through out your body playing some great tunes for some energetic dance troupes and sashaying paraders in wonderful costumes.

Anyway it's been an unusual day, and I give thanks I'm off for a bath and bed before too long...

Siete

Last night I gave thanks I'm not supposed to drink hot chocolate as, when you send your mug flying, chamomile tea is much easier to clear up! For managing to get several hours sleep (hurray!) only not consecutively (booh!) For thinking my big delivery was coming this afternoon so I could stay in bed late trying to wake up...and being able to open the door via the entryphone rather than go down in my nightie when they turned up this morning instead. For being able to heave the heavy boxes out of the way down the hall until someone can get them up the stairs for me. I'm grateful, due to carnival madness, this won't be happening today as I needed a day spent mostly lolling around on the sofa, and not having to talk to anyone at all...

Despite nasty pain again did have to go oop street for something earlier however, and hobbled via the carnival field. I must admit I was impressed, there was something for everyone, even me in the shape of old local photos like these plus a guy playing incongruous electric mandolin covers on the second stage in the tea tent. He had a very full backing track and, taking pics of pics, I wasn't really paying much attention to his part until he strummed his thumb across the strings at the start of a new song and my head whipped round the display board. What was that new sound in my ears? An electric harp mandolin apparently. I give thanks for learning something new! It wasn't as spine tingling a moment as discovering the theorbo, but that's in a whole different league being many sizes bigger and having half an orchestra full of strings! If you like a bit of base with your baroque here's a couple of examples...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeUcGD4rRRc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDnUij5Iry0

Seis

I give thanks my hair loss is beginning to slow, as it's beginning to show quite a lot as well. For being an ex ginger with pale locks that don't provide a stark contrast to scalp, and for understanding no matter how self conscious I am about it most people are too wrapped up in themselves or embarrassed about aspects of their own anatomy (or anotomy) to pay as much attention to it as I do. Nice not to see a Yorkshire terrier in the plug hole every time I wash it anyway!

I give thanks for the cab driver being as pleased it was me as I was to see him! Makes the journey much more pleasant when you enjoy each other's conversation. For a side room with a rather nice view of an old red brick hospital building and some shrubs including one of my favourites - hydrangea. If the picture doesn't do it justice I still give thanks for learning a new differently abled semi-skill using my nose to press the button on my phone. I still had to hold it in my feeble left hand and guess what it was pointing at when trying to bring the screen and my face into contact so actually I think I did quite well...

I give thanks for a silent taxi man on the way home as I kept drifting off and it would have been rude if he was talking! I give thanks for being home on the sofa as I think that may happen again quite soon. For remembering to turn off the ring on the cooker just in case...

Cinco

Reflections of light on dark water are one of my favourite things so I'm grateful I live in a good place for that with strings of coloured bulbs over the stream with its little weirs, and sometimes the luxury of the moon reflecting onto the sea.

I give thanks for some interesting dreams lately including one where I was staying with a rich aunt and uncle in Canada and she flew to Japan one afternoon and then came back and asked if I'd like to go. There was too much waking up between dreams last night so I give thanks for managing to wake up the last but one time in time to get one of the last on-the-day doctor's slots. You know how I love to fill my non dialysis days with other medical stuff so I went to the opticians first to see if some darker prescription lenses would help with some of the symptoms...

I give thanks for remembering everything on my mental shopping list, and for keeling over for a nap almost as soon as I got home. Didn't even make a cup of tea! For Jo making me one on the last leg of the day when I was on my last legs...

Sometimes it rains and sometimes it pours, I give thanks for appreciating both the irony and the universe's pun when I arrived dripping at the surgery to discover I have cataracts and need to see an optitian... For abandoning my new negotiations regarding ESA deductions and preparing for my upcoming PIP farce assessment to very slowly make some easy tea, and watch fancy dressed pram race contestants trotting past on the street below.

Cuatro

Although I couldn't see much of a rainbow from my windows I give thanks for the sight of bright sunlight shining through the heavy rain as afternoon turned to evening last night. For the washed sky with wisps of cloud tinted sunset pink later in the day.

I give thanks for Plan A today going OK despite feeling very tired, plus long queues at the station for tickets so that I almost missed the train. This was the first stage of a self propelled trek to the dialysis ward I started on to take a bag of goodies and a thank you card for the staff, followed by what might have been a lift home after my session but which turned out to a hasty trip to Waitrose and a bus again as my chauffeur has hurt his back. It all made for a very long day but, though there were obviously more people around me, I didn't have to interact so much which tends to be a bonus for me. I give thanks there are names for folk like me other than weirdo these days!

I give thanks it's a lovely evening here, which is nice for the holiday makers and those taking part in Carnival Week family fun, though personally I'm too bushed to be involved in any way apart from getting something in my ears to drown out the much too loud PA. For using up all the energy I had left making a 'simple meal' as the PIP assessors put it, though not in what they call a reasonable time as I had to keep stopping for rests! Never mind, I give thanks I'm aiming for taking care of myself happily' as included in Buddhist mehta - a more important criteria to me...

Tres

There is a lot I'd rather not have running around my brain at bedtime - concerns and worries and woes - plus a body full of possible sleep limiting pains and malfunctions...so I give thanks for good nights when these are less of a bother and I can get a reasonable rest. Last night wasn't one of those occasions, but it was so awful it reminded me to be a whole lot more grateful than I am for ones that aren't. I did drop off eventually but woke very late and bleary so I give thanks Mima was already ready to pick me up and I had to really get my skates on as that reminded me why I always try to allow plenty of time for stiffness to wear off a little, and for resting to get my breath back here and there between tasks. I'm glad there was entertainment in the park here to fill in her time while she was waiting for me to perform my morning chores and even more so that she picked up something I needed to get from the Co-op to sane me time when I was finally fit to face the outside world.

The main thing on my agenda for today was picking up my parcel and I'm grateful it was not only where I'd been informed it would be, but the staff were much more friendly than at the store I tried before. It's also easier to get to by bus, but even easier still to be driven to on another tired and achy day so I give thanks for that. I've remembered to start looking for a cosy winter coat earlier this year as I've tried two seasons with one I bought late when all the best ones had sold out and I've never really got on with, not least because it's so very hard to do up. This one has a furry lining to the hood, back and pockets and it's green and black in celebration of my happy chocolate eating days!

I give thanks we checked out a new place to stop for refreshments even though we decided to save it for another time and go to to an old favourite instead. The latter, which never fails to please is a rather upmarket holiday park with lovely grounds and surrounds including woods, a pretty church and donkeys, but the former was a rung or two again up the ladder, not least for this rather lush view. I'd been wistfully remembering my travels earlier, flipping through the images in the albums of my mind...but if you're going to get somewhat stuck somewhere, this is a fine part of the world to be!

Dos

Ah, dos! Yep there's been plenty of that today... I was grateful for a brief period of feeling OK last night so I could wash a few pots and vacuum the part of the living room I sprinkled with lentils and rice eating my evening meal... For getting creative with a roll of white insulating tape I picked up in a cheapy shop with the intention of insulating before the sudden onset of summer took the need away. I don't know exactly how much replacement front windows would cost, but I know I can't afford it for the foreseeable future and though the new hinges I had fitted help a lot there's still plenty of draughts and noise find their way in and they former can be a tad nippy when it's blowing a gale, even an August one. I gave great thanks even after applying strips to just a few gaps it got suddenly much cosier and quieter, though of course I'm hoping summer will be properly back soon and I can remove them and open the window again.

Most of today the pain and exhaustion has been in charge, but in between aforementioned lazing around I've been grateful I've been able to do a few not too energetic but useful things in short bursts. I give particular thanks for the batch of oat milk pancakes for my brunch!

Uno

Gee but it's great to be back home! I give thanks although it was a long day at the office, for me personally - apart from problems getting comfortable during treatment - it wasn't a particularly bad one. The taxi driver who picked me up has done so once before, and that day she'd been in an accident before arriving so I'd thought that was why she was so stressed. However this time I realised that is her natural driving state and traffic jams (on any road not just the one she's on), mud, puddles and bushy hedges, meeting a car coming the opposite way on a narrow lane, and anticipating all of the above set off a stream of words like 'nightmare' 'horrendous' and 'unbelievable'. I was grateful for being able to make her laugh a few times to break the tension, and also that she decided to let the Satnav take us on an allegedly quicker scenic route. Honestly it was so scenic I'd have taken my camera if I'd known - lush leafy countryside with a wonderful variety of trees and delightful grand designs style converted farm buildings here and there. There's no one likely to drive me around these days likely to take on a journey like that and I certainly couldn't walk there any more so I just tuned out all the anxiousness and fretting going on beside me and just bathed my eyes and soul in fifty shades of green!

I give thanks for the management lady advising the building's owners are in the wrong regarding that insurance bill as the money, as I thought, is supposed to come from service charges, and she is trying to sort it out. Ooh and for trying Bonne Maman lemon madeleines...as they are very nice indeed. For Asda delicious lentils - which do exactly what they say on the packet and for deciding to go Spanish for the next hundred posts which reminded me of this gem I must remember to take with me if I ever get to a desert island again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vsCD-1TX6c They'll have to fix my renal anaemia first as it's one of those tunes that just has to be danced to if you possibly can...

Cent

Ooh much less typing for today's post title... My fumbly fingers are grateful for that! I had three attempts at dialling the right number for Collect+ customer service this morning so I'm also very grateful I was on my mobile and the calls were free in my pay as you go 'rocket pack' allowance. (Gee, I wish it came with a free rocket pack!) The last parcel I allegedly had delivered to one of their stores never turned up and resulted in a month long battle for a refund, so I didn't fancy trying that one again and picked the only other one in the area with a bus stop nearby for the service that leaves from across the road. When I received the email to say it was ready to collect however it was waiting at another shop altogether, far less accessible to me, so I'm hoping they will do what they have said they will and send it to my chosen collection point... Oh and it's actually there when I go as well of course!

I'd booked bad weather for a lot of staying in for deliveries today but the main one couldn't be delivered after all so although that was a tad annoying it was also great not to have to be on alert from 7 am to 7 pm! Then the one I thought was coming this morning turned out to be coming this afternoon so I gave thanks for a great reason to stay in bed. Even after an early night and a not very early waking up I still felt ready for lots more rest, waiting for the aches and pains to subside a little.

I give thanks for coming across a complete set of ink cartridges for my printer last night when I was looking for Sticky Fixers. I'd completely forgotten I had those - plus I found the Sticky Fixers too!

I give thanks for the sudden urge a week or two ago to send my son a small financial surprise...and that in his words its arrival was 'very fortuitously timed' as well! For having a financial surprise of my own today - a bill for well over £400 I thought must be a mistake but turned out not to be. It's for insurance I thought was included in the service charge but isn't, and for last year's too as the last owner didn't pay. Why am I grateful? Well, because I have the funds to cover it of course, though I obviously it's not going to be without a sharp intake of bank balance breath and a sigh of regret over other plans now shelved, especially with the threat of benefit cuts on horizon. Sometimes I give thanks for all the pleasure of foods and drinks and hobbies and holidays a kidney patient has to go without anyway...

I give thanks for spotting this rather lovely shrub in the drizzle earlier earlier buying milk and a gluten free brownie for Clive coming round. For him bringing some picture rail for one day in the distant future when I get to that bit, and an extra long shower pole made from a length of wardrobe rail so the screen has gone and using both bath and shower will be a whole lot easier for me.

Quatre-vingt-dix neuf

Along the road between the hospital and the place I live are many pairs of mature trees that to those of a whimsical disposition might appear to be reaching across above the traffic to kiss or touch hands. I give thanks I am of a whimsical disposition! For noticing this as I often do on the drive home and it reminding me of last night's dream during which I was snogging someone I used to know and with whom I particularly enjoyed taking part in this activity!

I give thanks for starting to feel a little more human yesterday evening and again this morning although the treatment session left me feeling rather wan. For beginning to get to know a few more members of staff and for seeing a few whose conversation I enjoy today including the chap who lost a patient last week. As I was in a side room again (woohoo!) I got a chance to ask him if it had affected him and to express the fact that it had affected me. I've managed to reach quite a great age without seeing someone die before and it was very sobering. He said obviously in his varied nursing career he'd seen it quite a lot but it still got to him every time.

I give thanks for the relative peacefulness and privacy of the little room, and for the internet working so I could catch up this interesting documentary I've been meaning to watch for a while...

https://www.channel4.com/programmes/george-clarkes-council-house-scandal

I give thanks for remembering when I got indoors and was wondering if I could possibly find the energy to go out and buy a tub of coleslaw for my tea, that I had already bought some yesterday on the way to catch the bus, wondering if I could possibly find the energy to go to a supermarket then and get some...and remembering a deli in the market hall who had lovely creamy homemade stuff.

Quatre-vingt-dix-huit

It was only a couple of days ago I was giving thanks for restless leg syndrome being a distant nightmarish memory...then late yesterday it came back to make sure I was really grateful it had taken such a long time over it! Ych a fi, how horrid it is! I give thanks for eventually sleeping soundly for several hours and also for there not being any need to rush to get up, as the reason I'd been eventually able to drop off was one of those magic pills so I've been in stupor all day... I give thanks being rather dazed and dozy was actually a good state to go to the dentist for a filling, and for, as always, being grateful my current one is such a thoroughly decent chap!

I give thanks for remembering my mp3 player - much needed on the buses, especially the one with the mother who probably thought she was giving helpful advice to her teenage kids but who actually seemed to be subjecting them to a stream of put downs and criticism. I hope she has other endearing qualities I might have missed, and that they have thick skins and people who praise and encourage them, as that kind negativity when you're growing up can stick in your head and be detrimental to your mental health in later life.

I give thanks for Wilko having the cheeriest shop music, cheap water filters and a selection of  affordable goodies to take to the people on the ward I used to be on to say thank you for keeping me alive. For being able to suck a yoghurt topped flapjack with my numb mouth as I was ravenous when I got home...Oh and for the lady on the fruit and veg stall in the market tracking me down to the bus stop to deliver the plums I'd left behind. They are probably the friendliest and most helpful traders I've ever encountered - and this from someone who used to be one!

Quatre-vingt-dix-sept

I give thanks for a bit less pain and a bit more strength after my restful day yesterday. I even managed to rustle up some blueberry and ginger rock buns for supper/lunchboxes as shopping would have been way too much hard work.

For getting a side room for treatment and thinking ooh I can relax this afternoon but first of all the machine and then my blood pressure went all wrong so it wasn't particularly peaceful. Also a neighbouring patient had some music station on much too LOUD so I was very grateful when I felt well enough to sit up bya again and could put my headphones on. The taxi driver home then treated up to Smooth Radio which was even worse, and I gave great thanks in among the tedious offerings they squeezed Van the man and his brown eyed girl which was welcome respite from several hours ear abuse.

I give thanks for thinking of something quick and easy for tea as I wasn't up to cooking this morning and I'm even less so now. The housework is getting ahead of me and the decorating has come to a full stop so I give thanks for reminding myself nothing really matters. For a flollop on the sofa with another one of those cakes, and Dave Lamb making me laugh out loud...

Quatre-vingt-seize

The best days when you have fibromyalgia are the ones when you hardly notice you do, and of course I'm grateful for those...as well as the ones when you have some pain and fatigue but manage to function to some degree nonetheless. There's a lot to be said, however, for the ones when all you really feel up to is lying down and that's pretty much all you do. I give thanks for giving in to the need to rest today because, though it's good to be able to push yourself, you do suffer for longer for it. I give thanks for lots of horizontal today - in the bed, in the bath and on the sofa. For convenience foods from the cupboard and freezer, copious snoozes and not venturing out the door so that there was no need to get dressed or sort out my hair or any of that malarky!

I give thanks for pushing myself last night to go out to see a film just a little way up the road. It was a rom com which is not really my kind of thing at all but set in the next county in a favourite coastal village so plenty to enjoy. I give thanks for the interesting experience of being able to compare the shivers of horror running up and down my spine from someone in the tiered seat behind me rustling a plastic sweet packet very close to my ear with the shivers of pleasure from hearing male voices raised in harmonious song. I thought I'd better add the final adjective there as there's been communal karaoke at the pub out the back today and this didn't have the same effect at all, though I could tell the chaps were having fun and of course I was grateful for that.

Quatre-vingt-quinze

I give thanks for an earlyish night, a lateish lie in and a brief siesta as well. It's difficult to get the quality when you're in a lot of pain so topping up on the quantity is really the best you can do!

I give thanks for performing a few useful functions outside the home - winning a lengthy battle to get meds out of the pharmacy wrestling with a new computer system, buying tickets for the cinema showing of a popular local interest film later and disposing of and acquiring stuff with Mima. Indoors I've mostly been groaning, stumbling around in a fog of fatigue and giving up and resting and but I'm grateful I did manage to wash up a few mugs and plates and get some laundry out of the machine and on to the rack - a job that is far more demanding than putting a load on in the first place. Oh I do give thanks for the convenience of modern appliances...and also for convenience food! My hopes of finding a renally suitable ready meal in the new supermarket for an quick tea being dashed, I give thanks fish fingers from the freezer will do just fine for now and not create much washing up to add to the still rather large pile... I give I did manage to pick up a jar of their lush butter chicken sauce as sampled at Bob's a while back and yearned for ever since. I'm sure it will be just as delightful with quorn or tofu in!

Quatre-vingt-quatorze

I give thanks my very trying electricity company has been taken over by another. This sounds good at least in that they have a Newcastle based call centre but, though the people I've spoken to have lovely accents, they've so far not been able to assist with my long running attempts to switch from Economy 7 as my account seems to have wandered off in the ether! I give thanks I still have power arriving at my sockets and switches - that's the most important thing eh?

There's been very little power in my body today just lots of pain and stiffness and fatigue. I give thanks for ignoring all chores that could be considered unnecessary including the washing up from the day before yesterday and brushing my hair, just concentrating on basic personal hygiene, a basic packed lunch and some simple to put on clothing before the taxi came. For a silent driver so I could micro nap in the traffic jams and actually managing to get comfy on the treatment chair so I could have another nap after eating. A delayed journey and a slow set up on the machine meant over running my departure time and wouldn't you know it, for the first time ever at this unit the driver was pacing the halls waiting for me. I've met this chap before and he's one of those folk who always contradict whatever you say so it was a pretty silent return as well as I really can't be doing with it, but I was very grateful to be whisked away before the city roads got really full and be home on my sofa drinking tea just after half past five. I give thanks the pain has eased off a little during the day but I'm still very grateful there's not much to be done to prepare a meal as half of it is leftovers again!

Quatre-vingt-treize

My joints have been increasingly unpleasantly painful this week - knees, knuckles, neck and hips in particular - and I give thanks for remembering to be grateful I don't have to go to work, or grow my food or take care of anyone but me. It does make even the simplest of essential tasks rather arduous however, and has curbed my creativity, productivity and capacity for pleasure so as often as possible I've been sitting down or lying down - even though that doesn't stop the hurting just stops activity making it worse. Even so, I still have to eat so I give thanks for getting inventive in the kitchen over the last couple of days and putting together a lentil and pepper roast with barley, ground almonds, smoked garlic, chili and paprika for filling and flavour. Very nice indeed!

I give thanks for last night also booking another boat trip for today as I knew, without anything I had to leave the house for, it would be very easy not to leave my bed! The weather forecast says rain next week, plus I've got the date for my PIP assessment and don't know how much longer before they whisk my disabled benefits away and possibilities for outings plummet due to lack of cash and passes so it seemed a good idea to go out today on many levels though I was whimpering with the discomfort at times and nodding off at others. I was grateful for seeing more cliffs from the water. Phang Nga bay it may not be, but the UK coastline is a wonder to behold...and I give thanks many many moons ago I went to Phang Nga bay so I am able to compare...

I give thanks for managing to negotiate the teeming crowds for a delicious scone and a cup of tea, and that although all forms of transport were running last this included the bus for the final leg of my journey so I had time to persuade an almost closed up market trader to sell me half a cucumber and some little gems and pop to the loo. This is me since I got home...I feel quatre-vingt-treize this evening!