Mellow

Looking back on the day it seemed at first as if I'd done nothing as the distant past of it was a morning spent mostly amiably idle with a book being very grateful to be 'allowed', and not long before starting to write this an NQSD had morphed into a nap...but when I went into the kitchen to get a cuppa there was the remains of the soup that somehow had been made, the washing up done and the oven door open as I'd given the inside a scrub, and I had to scuffle through papers on the floor on the way to be recycled from sorting out a drawer...and my shoes were in the hall from coming back from a brisk walk around a rather scenic block...and I thought actually no, today's been rather busy, just in a pleasantly mellow way!

I give thanks for the sounds of the heavy rain showers pattering on the roof tiles just above my bed beneath the eaves. For having the wherewithal to close the Windows in my life and try out a Chromebook instead. For winning the usual battle of wills with my ancient printer, in this case to scan my Will in case it refuses to have anything to do with the new piece of kit at all! For closing my laptop - which no longer comes with sound - and finding another device on which to play today's can't sit still to tune - Canned Heat's Let's Work Together. I'd be interested to know (if anyone is interested to tell me) what you would choose for seven days of dancing tunes...

Alight

I give thanks for hearing (unofficially) I am still on the treatment list at my 'home' unit and maybe...if the loonies don't set us all back to square one...some time in August I may return! For a little mutual exchange of moans with the nurse who told me, who is also keen to go back. For her getting the needles in just right this time.

For a fascinating Timeshift documentary on the history of the landline to help the afternoon pass, and a very generous portion of biscuits to go with my cup of tea! For glowing pink shades of hydrangea bushes by the roadside. For some new coloured pots for my fast growing houseplants.

For reaching week 4 of the interesting and rewarding Science of Wellbeing course. So far the homework has been pretty easy for me (even talking to more people!) but this time we have to commit to a certain  amount of sleep and exercise for seven days. The former I really can't control much more than I do, and I have to take what I can get. Last night this wasn't much, but I was very grateful for the dream about George Harrison! I know for sure I won't be able to do the suggested thirty minutes exercise every day either, and the course does say if there are health restrictions you don't have to, but I didn't want to completely cop out on that and have vowed to dance to one tune a day. It can be dialysis patient dancing ie. even less exuberant than dad dancing, or if necessary, sitting down and merely moving whichever body parts agree, but it will be some extra movement I wouldn't normally have. Today 'me ears are alight' ...never fails to instigate some kind of rhythmic twitching!

Ethical

I give thanks for the Good Place taking me to a better one when events from both the present and past left me feeling angry and sad. Despite the crazy story lines and often slapstick humour, the show has at its core the minefield of ethical dilemmas which hit the spot as I struggled to come up with a respectful response to someone who had disrespected my wishes and betrayed my trust.

For the sound of the rain and wind in the squally showers. For a batch of cooking, and mostly keeping the resulting mountain of washing up under control! For finishing sewing a comfy cotton mask for shopping and then wearing it to the corner shop at the end of their working day when the trippers had mostly wandered off home and I felt safe to make my first foray. For them having one carton of milk left which was just what I wanted...and for their new improved product range including non dairy milk and small packs of fruit and veg like their big sister store down the road, which wasn't what I wanted just then but which was good to see.

For some attractive and attractively priced earrings from Jan's online shop arriving. and for her being there to let me let off steam. For Christine sending some attractive photos and one being perfect for for wallpaper on my new tablet. Yes, of course I asked if it was OK, and if she'd said no I wouldn't have. I'm grateful this would seem to be the way to behave to me, if not to other people!

Practical

Of course in theory I'm grateful for the treatments that are keeping me alive, and in practice it's not really so very hard to sit still, eat finger food, snooze and watch Netflix downloads...but that doesn't mean I don't prefer days at home doing household chores in my nightie! I give thanks there's been a lot of that today, in between a lot of resting the various parts made sore by the physicality. For the variety of tasks tackled beyond routine cleaning, including hand sewing the closure on a cushion cover and finally fitting that bit of hall carpet by the kitchen door. For the satisfaction of completing a couple of jobs that (I sincerely hope!) won't need doing all over again in a day or two...

I give thanks for also at last working out how to unblock the vacuum when the end piece seems to have been secretly superglued in place and poking with a straight object just packed the debris in tighter. The solution? Perseverance plus a piece of curtain wire!

Extra

I give thanks for the clouds. I love the sun but bigger clouds mean smaller crowds, and I'm similarly grateful for the beaches round here not having much in the way of fine white or golden sand! For reminding myself that as well as common factors of hot sun, cool beer and time on their hands, some of the miscreants, at least subconsciously, will have been made aware over the last few months that they might not live forever and will be extra keen to pack in more of the stuff they consider fun.

I give thanks due to the patient before me on the programme being elsewhere today, the unit rang to see if I'd like to come in a bit earlier. By the time they'd got hold of me and sent a car it was only an hour and a half earlier but as they were ready and waiting to start my treatment my weekend is nearer two hours longer - woohoo! For taxis each way with taciturn drivers...and the one on the way home having an 8 seater so I could enjoy the elevated views. For just enough sunshine left to finish my lunch in the park across the road watching the antics of the little hedgerow birds...and for supper being one I prepared earlier as I'm feeling rather weary this evening and am fit for little but watching Netflix and recorded TV.

Baking

I give thanks for summer! There's much to enjoy in all weathers and seasons but in summer I sometimes get warm enough to relax! For the convenient location of my flat - one road to cross to get to the park and one to get to the sea...

For the smell of fresh cut grass and for stopping to chat with Michelle who had collected my Poppadoms order. She walked past me the first time talking on her phone and I thought it might be her but wasn't sure...then later she came back having thought the same! We've only met once and that was a few months ago...

For their delicious cottage cheese (no it's not an oxymoron) on ryvita for my lunch with fresh picked baby leaves from my mini garden on top...and, as it was a tad on the warm side even for me and I'd had a busy start, for a little siesta to follow.

For ready made pastry...and for the recent discovery, when remoulding scraps, that if you roll it out between greaseproof paper you don't get stickiness and flour everywhere.

Abnormal

I give thanks for Julie volunteering to come and do some top of the ladder jobs in the spare room today. I'd done some reorganising in there to make room for her to put the ladder up, piling up boxes and bags, so I wasn't too surprised when I heard a strange slithery noise from that direction while I was in the kitchen and thought the heap had fallen down. When the next sound was a tentative voice calling hello? I don't know which of us were more surprised...it wasn't a falling bin bag but one full of rubbish just inside the front door being pushed along as she opened it. She'd not thought to tell me she had the day off, and as I thought she would be coming after work as usual I'd not thought to tell her what time I'd be leaving.  I was grateful to see her though and for a posy of roses she'd bought me on the way!

I give thanks for my local health food store putting together an order for me, and for my home help who can't help me at home helpfully saying she'd collect it...when we can work out which of their two sets of published opening hours are true! For Jo and Keith dropping off a bag of Co op favourites too yesterday. Mmmm, extra creamy coleslaw for my tea and their Fair Trade chamomile before bed...

It's been a day of confusion with times...the nurse had trouble working out when my treatment should finish and couldn't hear my calculations through my new extra thick mask (now altered to fit better) mask...and I was so busy concentrating on the minutes I didn't realise they had me down for an extra hour! For managing to get that sorted just in time for the correct finish, but when they changed my transport time the car came straight away instead of in twenty minutes as expected. I give thanks due to my haemoglobin level being unusually high lately (ie normal for a normal person not just acceptable renal level) my blood clotted quickly and I was all ready to head out the door...when I had to explain for the umpteemth time to another nurse why I was weighing more leaving than arriving. Although they would too if they had lunch and tea and biscuits in between getting on the scales they cannot grasp that someone needing dialysis doesn't need a couple of kilos of fluid removing every time. To be fair that's another way in which I'm not normal....

I give thanks for remembering The Man With Two Brains!

Enticing

I've been too exhausted to do anything for most of the second part of the day - but I give thanks this was due to wearing myself out by spending most of the first part doing the most essential chores, sorting and carrying out stuff for Mima to take to the tip, and going a longer and much more strenuous way round to my favourite nearby cove as the shorter routes are temporarily blocked off. I knew I didn't really have the energy to spare for the last part after the first, but it was worth wearing myself out for!

For my first in person purchase for three months - my first cappuccino and lemon cannoli and first (and second!) paddle of the year. For the fabulous weather enticing me to partake of these pleasures and pains...

For something in the make up of my  sunglasses' lenses that creates a bright pink glitter effect on the underside of ripples at the edge of the sea...mesmerising, and rather mind boggling to realise it is a sight probably only I can see!

For the fascination of watching the men in orange at work with their machines (or otherwise) and discussing with a friendly chap equally enthralled how we would organise it differently.

For realising last night I was missing a picture, and finding it at the bottom of the last not fully unpacked box! Next time I have the strength to operate a hammer it will be hung up on the wall...

Lenticular

I give thanks the usually over eager volunteer driver turned up at a reasonable time this morning so that I could have a very welcome solitary sit in the sunshine admiring sparkling sea and fluffy lenticular clouds to set me up for the day. For doing my homework and chatting to the shipowner next door who came out to check an unpleasant non-customer had wandered away.

I give thanks my treatment (in both senses of the word) was pretty much physically and mentally pain free, and for ceasing to bleed in record time when the needles came out so there was time to recharge my batteries again before the aforementioned driver picked me up and rather drained them again...

For saving some of my lunch so I could sit with a mini picnic in the relative peacefulness of the late afternoon park... For the glory of the hydrangeas this summer. For how graceful the cygnets are beginning to look as their first brindled feathers appear, and for the perennial enchantment of ducks. In my next life I'm going to have a big garden with a pond...plus koshi chimes in the trees and then there'll always be something to make my smile and chuckle.

I give thanks for lentil korma pre made and matured in the fridge waiting for my tea!

Bathed

I give thanks the government have sent me a reusable face mask to wear on hospital visits. The instructions say to wash it in the machine at 60° each day which is clearly not going to happen as it would just be churning around on its own in there for much of the time and the leccy bill would be horrendous! I give thanks they also enclosed a leaflet with dos and don't for wear and this states not to use a mask that is too loose and leaves gaps at the sides - as the issued one is far too large for my face so laundering it will not be an issue after all!

I give thanks for, unusually, managing to stay connected through a long live stream - in this case a gong bath from Sally. It's not as good as being in the same room with the sound waves moving through your whole body but having the amazing noises they make between your ears is still very otherworldly and so relaxing! For the beaming smile the tinkle of koshi chimes always initiates. For a luxuriously bubbly water bath afterwards...and for feeling most mellow for the rest of the day...

For more rummaging, moving around and sorting out of bits and bobs and outstanding jobs including finishing off a pair of flowery cotton trousers for 'work' days and getting the last piece of glass out of my broken mirror as I want to keep the pretty frame. Tried (gently) smashing it with a hammer through a protective layer of newspaper but it was annoyingly resilient and I had to deconstruct the whole thing instead! For a delicious late afternoon nap, and leftovers for supper so I can use the last of the day's energy for some cleaning and tidying up.

Kind

I've been grateful so far homework for the Science of Wellbeing Course has required practices that tend to be part of my life anyway - keeping a gratitude journal and mindfully savouring pleasant experiences. This week however we're supposed to perform daily acts of kindness and make new social connections. The course was designed some time ago and these are going to require some ingenuity given my current state of incarceration/incapacitation.

One of the suggestions was that we donated to charity so I give thanks for thinking to ask on a local Facebook page if there were any nearby who would like to collect second hand items I would have taken to a shop myself before having to shield...but to begin with all that happened was someone asked how big the clothes were and then admin deleted the whole thing due to a ban on 'selling' on their page! Another suggestion was chatting to a barista which seemed kind of unlikely, but by a curious twist of fate I found a coffee kiosk unexpectedly open and did that very thing through a protective screen. I suspect they'd have been more grateful if I'd actually bought a beverage and trust me, if I'd had any money with me I'd have broken both dietary and immunity rules and treated myself to a cappuccino...savored it, and been grateful too!

I give thanks for sorting out a bag of fabric pieces if I can find a way to get them to any mask makers and in the process moving some stuff in the spare room to put carpet offcuts on the floor up against the stud wall between my flat and 'next door'. She's a heavy smoker and I think there must be a little gap at the bottom where the smell seeps through. If it works this will be an act of kindness to myself...and might stop me thinking unkindly thoughts about my neighbour too 😀

Transported

I give thanks for the Good Place...easily reached via Netflix subscription and an amusing and original experience to return to mentally when dealing with the drudgery of dialysis days in what I know is a good-for-me place physically, but which wears my mental strength right out...and the transportation situation even more! For some people encountered being quite pleasant to deal with today, and for reminding myself probably all of them would be pleasant to deal with if the dealer hadn't been me!  For a fairly smooth experience when finally attached to the machine and my ex neighbour Bryony kindly taking on the role of tea lady when the housekeeping staff were on a half day and my blood pressure dropped during long wait for fluid to be topped up.

I give thanks for this hard work week being over...and for sorting out a knotty knitting tangle while drinking my welcome home cuppa. For feeling more motivated and capable than over the last couple of days, but also for vowing not to do 'too much' this weekend whatever that might be - not too much of what I don't want to that's for sure! For the gradual return of sunshine, and the beauty of the countryside hereabouts freshened after the rain. For my money plant at last recovering from the shock of pinching out and sprouting some new baby leaves...it had been causing me some concern! For a half made supper and a half run bath and a book waiting to be dived into...

Improved

I give thanks for realising I wasn't being as grateful as I could be yesterday. For recalling coming home along the estuary in a people carrier with a fine view of a coaster heading out to sea... Plus being at first disappointed the leftovers lurking in the freezer weren't what I expected, but that I'd forgotten how good what they really were was!

I give thanks for eventually looking out of the window last night as the sea was so breathtakingly beautiful in shades of pearly blue. A bank of cloud was rolling in from the horizon and the ships in the bay seemed like a mirage.

For the same image in white and grey this morning...and for some proper job rain to follow making it feel right and proper to snuggle up cosy indoors. For feeling well enough to enjoy not feeling well enough to do very much at all...a very welcome improvement indeed!

Floppy

Flippin' 'eck I'm floppy, and sore in many places and ways, so at home I've been giving thanks for my bed and bath and sofa over the last twenty four hours. After the necessary standing up and moving around to do essential tasks, even sitting up in a comfy chair to look out of the window seems much too much effort...and besides I see people out there clearly having fun, and at the moment I'd rather not!

I give thanks for managing the extra challenges of a dialysis day with as best grace as I could muster, which I admit probably wasn't as much as maybe other people might have liked. For reclining the treatment seat when my blood pressure dropped being no hardship at all, and for the bliss of restorative tea and biscuits being brought to within reach of my hand.

I've been exceedingly grateful for all that cooking and clearing and tidying up performed in preparation for this Pembro aftermath... and am even more so for the very appealing prospect of a day off tomorrow to do as (little as) I like.

Invincible

I give thanks for realising by stressing about the after effects of today I wasn't addressing its intrinsic challenges. For trying to remain calm and composed and doing some more cleaning and tidying. For remembering not to throw away the recently mended china bowl which became unmended and hurled itself from the bathroom shelf to the floor to shatter in many more pieces...because I've promised myself one day I really will get round to a broken crockery mosaic.

I give thanks for a text telling me transport was on its way to take me to my appointment, partly as this meant they hadn't forgotten me this time, and partly as the advance warning gave me time to enjoy some sunshine while I waited...or, as it turned out, effect the speediest emergency stoma bag change I've ever achieved! Phew!

For the speediest ever in and out of the oncology unit including the best ever cannula insertion I've ever had in all my visits there by a deft and confident chap called Vince. No scalding hot water, no painful poking, failed attempts or bruising. I was practically in tears of joy! He also rang to change the time of transport home which had been booked anticipating the usual delays...but when I rang twenty minutes later to see when it would be coming I was told I had to wait until four as originally arranged. For thinking hey, I have oatcakes and water and there's sunshine and a rustic bench in a quiet car park corner, not that bad away to spend forty mins. I was very grateful for the despatch message at five to however, and even more so for the phone call half an hour later from Vince to say the driver had finally arrived after trying to find me at various hospital locations as the city cab company has a contract to take me to and from my previous renal site and refuses to take note of changes.

I give thanks we were both good natured about the mix up! For a companionably silent journey home and for a slightly raised back seat so I could see the other side of the other estuary, a herd of sleek black shiny cows and a buzzard with an unusually wide wingspan (close to a normal one for reference). For memories of seeing vultures on holidays in Crete and Menorca, and longing wistfully...though I'd settle for a day out on the other side of the other estuary right now! Actually no, right now, invincible or not, I'm grateful to be horizontal on my sofa with no plans to move much at all.

Taken

I give thanks for the empty cruise ships on the horizon, reminding me a lot of experiences wish I could have more of are in short supply for many other folk just now.

I give thanks for the reminder too that there are worse things than not knowing who you will be dealing with in a day. Lately I've had the same driver each time in both directions. He's a creature of habit with no variation in route taken or comments made, and always gets me to the unit far too early too early so I have a long sit down waiting for a long sit down. I've been giving thanks for my new earbuds over and over again! There was an extra long delay today and (every cloud) I was very grateful this meant he'd taken another job and I had a change of chauffeur.

And talking of clouds, for the fab sky on the journey with layers of different shapes and shades surrounding ragged patches of blue sky as the weather decided whether to go for sunshine or showers.

For my homecoming mug of tea, and supper food already made by my own fair lily whites yesterday. Oh and for unpacking my bag and finding the can of cherries picked up from the 'help yourself' box in the unit. I've never seen anything in there I'd eat before so they must have been meant for me!

Bubbly

I give thanks for imagining how great it must be to hug the grandkids, how lovely to get close to your lover...but I'm also grateful I'm exempt from the social bubble permission as if you're a sociable soul with several close family members how on earth would you choose?

I give thanks for the sun making an appearance again this afternoon..how nice for those who can get stroll around without then becoming flat out on the sofa! For my valiant attempts at getting everything I wanted done done before another potentially difficult and draining week ahead...and for some of the cleaning, some of the cooking and some of the DIY completed before my extended nap. For feeling refreshed enough after pausing to write this to get back to some more of the hubble, bubble, toil and trouble!

Ongoing

Just over nine years I've been doing this...and I give thanks sometimes I still completely forget about writing down what I've been grateful for. It's a habit not a compulsion!

So um yes...let me think...I give thanks for
the luxury of a Saturday to do (more or less) what I like). I don't just mean having no hospital appointments or treatments but the luxury of not having to go out to work or to find food or shelter or a safe place to be. In our country at this time we are most of us so privileged we don't even notice how much.

For going out briefly for the pleasure of stretching my legs and fresh air on my skin (though not the skin of my legs!) For the salty smell of the tide coming in along with drizzly rain. For staying in and pottering with ongoing domestic tasks and craft projects. For Tamsin sending me a video of rippling corn from a 'proper' walk. For the sound of larksong in the background...and memories on striding on hilltops and cliffs in the summer with their trilling high overhead. For this year's five cygnets now so grown they cover the little silt island opposite where they like to sit.

For a day of good energy and relatively little pain so that I've achieved a sense of achievement, and now ouching on the couch hardly able to keep my eyes open seems fairly reasonable.

Heady

I give thanks for my choice of tool to transfer preferred sound to my brain during transport and treatment. The ends had to be easy to attach and detach using my not very dextrous left hand, wearable with a face mask, be comfy, light and compact and not too expensive given the hazards they encounter. Of course I could only make a guess at how well they'd meet some of these expectations but they had considerable visual appeal on top of good reviews so I took a gamble and oh my did I win big! After using ancient battered headphones and earbuds for so long I'd forgotten what tunes were supposed to sound like in proper stereo with all their layers audible. I give thanks they make pretty good earplugs when I'm not plugged in...and look like steam punk jewelry when just hanging around!

For a pretty good day at the office with no dramas or mishaps, and congenial staff. For being woken with tea and biscuits after my nap. For the promise of a couple of hospital free days stretching out ahead... For the sky clearing to pale washed blue while white topped waves still chase inland on the khaki sea.

For this thoughtful scheme in Dublin. I've always wanted to go there... Guess it wouldn't be a walk in the park just now!
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/covid-19-cocooners-given-designated-time-in-dublin-parks-1.4245438%3fmode=amp

Fast

Oh my goodness I was grateful for leftover stew for a fast food tea on a nippy drippy evening! For winning a lengthy battle with a tin of rhubarb and rustling up a cracking crumble too for more nurturing food to fill up some corners before having to go hungry for a chunk of today. For the recent discovery I can have canned rhubarb sometimes as I'm rather partial to it, and the fresh sort I have to be nutritionally distant from!

I give thanks for managing to get back to sleep after sorting out another early morning disconnection incident...and for setting my alarm so it woke me up in time for phone triage from the oncologist a few hours later. For finding a usefully timed future Tesco slot to fill with groceries while I sipped my morning tea in preparation for her call.

I give thanks for successfully completing the pre departure chores I'd set myself for maximum comfort on my return including remaking the bed and making my tea...and for successfully completing negotiations to re arrange transport when mine didn't turn up, plus the appointment I wasn't going to be able to turn up for, and later incomprehensible tangle of muddles about getting home! I truly am grateful I temporarily have access to free taxis to get to and from non-renal appointments but it would be so much easier if I had the patient held budget I'd almost arranged pre-Covid and could talk to the companies myself!I give thanks for a driver I knew with a fancy pants car on the way in as we could chat...but also for the silent driver with non-tinted back windows on the way home so I could enjoy the view. For his home made screen between the front and back seats held on with pretty metallic map pins, and for the moped in front of us making the journey very slow so I had time to really appreciate the scenery!

Trying

I give thanks for a ray of sunshine lighting up a yacht sail in the grey of the bay this morning. For trying to be well, maybe not a ray of sunshine, but at least not reasonably good natured through a rather trying day.

I give thanks for getting my mp3 player on and soothing chanting flowing into my ears before my driver got stuck behind two separate bin lorries and steam started coming out of his! To be fair I wasn't in a hurry as I knew despite a designated time of arrival there's often some hold up before treatment begins, while he had another job to go to. For remaining philosophical when the delay was an arduous hour long...and also throughout the first half a dozen machine alarms and uncomfortable needle adjustments...and during the first of the blood pressure drops...but after a lot more of the same, plus a rather rough 'take off' and painful squeezing of the poor bruised spot, I wasn't at all amused by the driver home having our illustrious leader blasting at full volume on the way home. Did I mention how grateful I am for my mp3 player and downloaded soothing chants? Haha, yes I think I might have!

I give thanks for ordering some new earwear to try this week as I broke my best set last year and am struggling with two old pairs neither of which is quite right. Oh and a new tablet for similar reasons. On treatment days when I'm not horizontal and half conscious like today a half decent bit of kit for entertainment and distraction makes the afternoon less of a challenge.

I give thanks for overhearing that they are offering psychological help for dialysis patients again having withdrawn it for lack of funding some time before I started. I've also overheard a number of patients say how down they are feeling with the current restrictions on top of the ongoing ones we have, and I hope there's enough support to go round, and soon enough, and that they find it helpful. I said to the matron, when she did her stint of fiddling with my niggly needles, that I thought I could manage my own mental difficulties myself and she agreed I seemed to be doing OK, especially considering all I have going on. I explained about the power of a long term gratitude finding, and offered her a link to the Science of Wellbeing course and was grateful she seemed interested in both...and maybe even trying the second one herself!

Retreating

I give thanks for twelve hours retreat from the world. All its violence and viciousness really gets me down sometimes, and not just the physical side but the all the anger, criticism and negative comment too, the condemnation, repercussions and blame. To reduce stress we're advised to limit the time we spend on 'news' and social media which might say a lot about the inhumanity of a lot of humanity - although I'm not sure it's my place to say! I give thanks I try not to cast aspersions, merely to understand, and for attempting to focus on improving my own thoughts and behaviour.

I give thanks for meditation. For the calm blue sea when I finally sat with my porridge and cuppa by the window. For the flat bottomed coaster making a curved white wake as it came to collect machinery from the cove where the next stage of wall development is due to take place. For how good the work is beginning to look, I really am impressed. For this chap taking a retreat of his own. I'm not sure if he was on his lunch break, waiting for kit or cement to dry but I was impressed with his absorption as work clattered on around him and a large drone whirred overhead.

I give thanks Julie went to Dunelm to collect something for me at exactly the right time to find just what she was looking for for herself in the sale!

Spotted

I give thanks for the ladybird crawling around on my patchwork coverlet this morning. I still experience a childish delight in ladybirds (and indeed many other creatures, sights and phenomena) for which I'm grateful as a lot of more appropriately adult delights seem to have either passed me by or completely lack appeal.

For remembering the excited way I spotted a jet crossing the sky a couple of weeks ago. And remembering at the time that years ago they were actually quite a novelty...

For the pretty mottled clouds as the sun broke through when waiting on the pavement for my driver, and for him having both a face mask and a screen between the front and back seats. They have been asked to take precautions with us delicate souls but it's optional so many don't.

For a little build up of traffic causing him to go a slightly different route from the norm so I had a few minutes to savour some variety. For the better view of the large ships parked in the bay as we came down the hill to the main road.

For asking the universe (as usual) to help me be nicer to those who exasperate me. Don't know how successful this was but the extra conscious breaths and relaxation techniques gave me good blood pressure any how!

For unexpected rain this afternoon, bringing with it coolness. I'd wondered if the roasted cauliflower and chickpea soup I made yesterday might be a tad wintery for this evening, but it's going to be exactly right!

Characterful

I give thanks for singing out loud to an album I first loved when I was in my teens. For sobbing out loud at reaching the passing of probably my favourite fictional female first encountered in my thirties in books and on TV. For eating toast with cream cheese and my own home grown baby lettuce leaves in between. Last night was a damn fine solitary lockdown evening!

For discovering via a US site the wavy walls of East Anglia
https://www.boredpanda.com/wavy-crinkle-crankle-walls/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

For hobbling along with very grumbly ankles and knees to watch something similar, if not so picturesque, taking shape here. Love that the engineer in charge of the chaps with spirit levels ensuring each piece is in exactly the right place is a young woman.

For taking an interesting character strengths test as part of that Science of Wellbeing course. It's a sort of questionnaire so the interest for me was in the set up of the statements you had to agree or disagree with as well as the results calculated from your answers. So, for instance, as I didn't consider my 'faith' was all important I'm rated as not very spiritual, and because I had to be fair and say I wasn't always fair I've come out as not being! Apparently by their methods my top traits are humour, creativity and appreciation of beauty and excellence and this week's exercise is to try to put these strengths into action every day.  As with the gratitude diary recommendation I'm grateful I can tick off with ease!

Cold

After posting yesterday I gave thanks for watching the band of dark low cloud sliding over the sky from the hills on one side to still the bright sea on the other. For the rain falling, but not on me! For having thick curtains to draw against the nippy night and later, peeking through them, for how the moon and its reflection outshone the ranks of floodlights for the workmen on the sea wall.

For the perennially pleasing Saturday illusion of so much to do and so much time to do it! For doing some things...some with some degree success...and the ones that had less going wrong in ways that were fixable. For repeatedly reminding myself most tasks I set myself are just that, and of no real consequence at all, and for enjoying both action and inactivity.

For a second hand top from eBay fitting and fitting its intended purpose beautifully. It's a 'cold shoulder' style neatly concealing fistula, scars, bruising from treatment plus bingo wings and in a pretty fabric too...but more than my shoulders would have been cold if I'd worn it today!

For noticing the gorillas in the adventure golf have been fitted with face masks...For such a big lunch I might get away with not making tea...

Released

I give thanks for the fabulous fragrance of curry wafting around the flat after being released from the fridge. I'm not adverse to a pot of paste now and then but you can't beat a proper job one made with grated and ground spices. I give thanks for being released too! My transport was very early, the machine very late being ready to use and the nurse who took me off it at the end very very slow so it seemed a particularly long day.

I give thanks for preparing for the giving of blood results. At this unit they print them out and a member of staff tells you what they think of them before they hand them over. What they think might be quite different from the opinions of the consultant and dietician, so if the numbers were what I knew they'd approve of and they were delivered by the portly chap who does a sharp intake of breath and asks if you know what you're supposed to be eating, I'd resolved to offer an analogy by means of response. Probably all for the best that it was a slender female who declared the figures unremarkable then!

For the pleasant but not particularly warm evening, plus the ready made supper inspiring me to take the aching joints for a walk. For seeing the new yellow gosling escaping from its mother's warning honks to investigate the water, a seal bobbing up just beyond the little cove...and an angry and dishevelled woman striding up the road from the chip shop declaring loudly 'I'm not going to f*ckin live here'. Given the impression she made I was quite grateful for that...

Dippy

Do you dream in colour? I give thanks I do, and in sound and taste as well... Last night I was shopping in a French supermarket for a few continental bits and bobs including a delicious light chocolate cake! For surfacing, turning over rearranging tubing and bedclothes and then popping back by Eurostar to check out the Gard de Nord!

For lying late in bed this morning after these unconscious travels, idly wondering just what whoever it was was doing in the communal areas, before I realised it was our communal cleaner back cleaning again after a lengthy absence. Much gratitude for his return!

For a gently productive day, including moving everything out of the vicinity of the bath to give it, plus its surrounds, a good scrub...and then deciding while the area was clear to paint the stained old bath panel a rich turquoise blue. For a large late lunch and a long recuperative relax when I'd finished.

For starting a new book for bath time. Non fiction as I find those best for dipping into while I'm taking a dip, and actually second hand...I wouldn't trust my hands with something pristine and so much water.

For signing up for Yale University's hugely popular free (and hopefully not hugely popular just because it is free) Science of Wellbeing course. Not sure yet if I'll dip into that as well or diligently complete all the elements as suggested. There are exercises to do as well as videos and reading material, and I note in week two I should try keeping a gratitude journal. Tick!

Hearty

I'm so grateful I learnt to make risotto! What I need to do now is perfect the quantity I produce as I there's always more than I actually need to eat, but I always eat it all...

I give thanks for the beautiful rain today. The thirsty earth does need some, and seaside and beauty spots need a rest from the relentless visitors. For the cosy feeling of being inside and hearing the patter of drops on the window and swish of cars on the road. I give thanks, probably not at all coincidentally, there are less cars on the road as well. 

I give thanks for trying harder to shield myself psychologically as well as physically. I am a loss as to why most people I encounter feel the need to say most of what they do, let alone how I'm supposed to respond, and why anyone would willingly listen to Heart and similar radio stations is utterly beyond me, so I'm grateful at least in a taxi I can sometimes put my earphones in and rest my brain a while.

I give thanks for my lusty circulation. The nurse who disconnected me did the job somewhat distractedly and my needle wound decided to sneakily start bleeding again when I went to the loo before leaving. Well I say sneakily...it was dripping through my clothes onto the bathroom floor! I give thanks I took the comfort break or this would have happened in transit and that would have been far more of a faux pas than failing to make the expected small talk or act interested when I'm not...

Conditioned

I give thanks for my vivid and detailed dreams...and when I become too caught up in the unconscious action, causing urological connections to come undone, I give thanks for Hippchick sheets. For when this happens on a warm summer night rather than a chilly winter one!

For the wonders of mains water and a washing machine. For being able to open my new conditioner bottle without using my teeth - no matter how edible the ingredients sound, the taste is always horrid!

For my hands which were extremely painful this morning gradually toughening up and for being able to hobble out as far as the park despite very sore ankle and knees. For finding a few strategically placed empty seats despite the fact there were a lot of older folk, presumably recently released, congregating on the others chatting and sharing snacks. For taking a flask and a tasty pastry so I could picnic with me! For goslings and cygnets but most especially for ducklings...

For some clouds in the sky and a forecast of cooler weather, not because I don't like the sun and heat but because I do and keep wanting to go out in it but not to keep going to the same places. For successfully arranging transport for my upcoming scan...and for remembering to be grateful that will be some variety!

Brewed

I give thanks for catching up with Donna's Yoga Nidra session yesterday evening. I'd thought I might fall asleep as I often do, especially being particularly tired, but luckily I was also particularly achey which kept me awake and I give thanks for that too for a change!

For the permitted emergence of the extremely vulnerable and, after hearing two of my fellow patients complaining that they couldn't meet six people or go to a restaurant, for remembering how lucky I am that at least some of the time I remember I'm lucky...

For a full contingent of housekeeping staff on the unit resulting hot and timely cups of tea again.

For hearing from Jo that she'd inadvertently drowned her phone but as she'd thus been unable to take any Waitrose requests had picked me up some Cauldron sausages anyway!

For the sunny, warm and, most importantly, almost empty park beckoning when I escaped from a disorganised and dreary dialysis day and dispiriting driver who always says when the weather is warm it's a shame you can't enjoy it. For the babbling brook, and quacking ducks soothing my troubles away, and for returning refreshed and ready to potter about with neglected sewing jobs.

For my extensive library of Loose Ends recordings introducing me to the poetry of Brian Bilston. I'd seen one about Dominic Cummings before on Facebook but there was so much shared about Dominic Cummings at the time I didn't notice who it was by!