Beneficial

Yay, it's the weekend! I give thanks for the prospect of a day on the tiles...well as much as is possible anyway :-) There are so many ideas I want to try... For the forecast hot sunny weather fizzling out so, although other matters will need my attention, picking my way between the holiday crowds to enjoy some won't have to be fitted in...and there'll be far less temptation to indulge in ice cream from one of the new kiosks in town. For selfishly being even more grateful there's even some light rain this evening - that's quietened down the outdoor sports bar crowd considerably!

I give thanks for feeling a little more human towards the end of yesterday, and being able to appreciate how much brighter the moon seemed now the night floodlights are gone. For a good meditate/snooze during treatment this afternoon and the benefits of cleaner blood and mind. For knowing I'm anaemic again and that monthly renal blood tests are due next week so the team will know I am too and put me back on the booster programme and I can benefit from that. For confirmation that Clive is coming on Sunday to help get ready for Sam and that Sam is coming on Tuesday, which means I have a few prep jobs to get on with myself but oh in what a good cause! I have a very vivid mind's eye but it will be nice not to have to use it imagine finished walls...

Martian

I forgot to say I'd been grateful yesterday for quite gentle Pembro side effects but today, maybe as I've been freed from the need to carry on regardless, they've made themselves far more noticeable and I've mostly been giving thanks for very little demanding my energy or concentration at all.  For last night's liberal application of Tiger Balm after a bath sorting out my painful back so it's just the generalised 'flu like' aches to cope with.

I give thanks for getting a few non negotiable items of clothing and crockery clean. For having planned ahead so there's nutritious food to eat requiring little preparation or more washing up to do after. For my comfy bed with a patch of bright blue sky to see in between, or not as the case may be...I thought some fresh air and sunshine might do me good and eventually it did, but I fell fast asleep as soon as I returned even though was someone using power tools not far outside the wide open window! For the spacious graciousness of the new sea wall promenade despite there still being work to do, including installation of seats which I could have done with done today. The seasonal demographic of the town has changed this summer and it feels as if all the mice from Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads are scurrying around round here instead, but it seemed calmer there somehow...and, being such a softy, it made me rather emotional to be strolling along after watching the building work going on for so many months. Also for seeing ducklings on the brook on the way home, and for goosebumps music, which of course means different music to different people but apparently some people don't react that way at all. Have they just not been listening to right sort of stuff...or are they from another planet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJ095S0MmnA

Floored

I give thanks for my floor! When cars are designed I'm pretty sure very little thought goes into the comfort of back seat passengers, and my ride home today was excruciating after an already difficult spinal day. Supine on a supportive hard surface is very soothing, though there's not a lot you can do when you're there! For spotting a very convincing Spiderman and Batman at the garage we passed on the journey complete with Batmobile! It's all going to be fine now folks...

I give thanks for having extra curly hair today for some unfathomable reason....and for the fact that I actually like it that way. For remembering a conversation about these mysteries with an Italian nurse I'd not seen for many months and whose name I'd forgotten, and when I got to the hospital it was her who was ready to get those needles in!

For watching mesmerising footage of the swirling spiral of the socially distanced Haj. And for remembering how I was struck the other day by another Zen aspect of mosaic making, in which the spaces between the pieces have such significance. For dragging myself away from experimenting with a new consignment of different but still addictive sorts of tiles to try. Well, there's not much else I can spend my money on just now is there...and it sure is a pleasing way to pass the time...

Cutting

I felt out very out of sorts this morning so give thanks for keeping on keeping on, and feeling better later on. For doing some of the things that had to be done as well as some of those I'd rather. For watching people on the sea wall walkway, which is not finished but has been made passable without the need for fluorescent orange clothing unless it's a fashion statement. I give thanks I can still see plenty of sea as well as humans and concrete and the way part of the concrete slopes down to the beach so lines of heads emerge and disappear as in some kind of physical comedy mime...

For beginning to learn to cut tiles for mosaic. It's tricky for me as it requires not only a firm squeeze of the right hand holding the nippers, but dexterity in the left to put the pieces in its jaws. Somehow overcoming the challenge makes it more rewarding as long as I only do a few at once otherwise that makes it more painful! For watching (and listening!) to four men struggling to manoeuvre giant arcade games on and off the back of a tail lift van. They were all young and slim with shirts and ties and shiny pointed shoes which seemed rather incongruous.

I give thanks for being friendly and kind while dealing with another transport muddle that resulted in missing my treatment slot and lots of phone calls and waiting around. I'm only half way through now at the time I thought I'd be home again and tucking into my curry, and my tummy isn't happy but I give thanks for the cannula going in first time, the internet working and the radio being quiet which is about as good as gets. I give thanks for starting writing this earlier and for thinking to finish and post it now while I'm still fairly chirpy... 

Vanilla

I give thanks though the mishaps have been many today, so far they've been quite small! For my treatment going OK, that's the main thing after all. For a side room with a window to the outside world, some sky and a bush and a reflection of a hydrangea in one of the windows of the lovely old hospital buildings that they are probably planning to pull down. 

I give thanks for trying to get as much done as possible before I get home tomorrow and wish I had done more...and for being accepting of my extreme fatigue and ensuing clumsiness and muddleheadedness which has meant this has been less successful that I would have liked. Likewise for the delays which were not my fault which have made the day seem exasperatingly short...For not having to get up early in the morning. For the pretty peachy fluffy clouds...

I give thanks I made a chickpea and vegetable curry yesterday and just have to wait for it to cook. For the prospect of a long soothing soak in the bath afterwards when I've cleaned away the debris left by cleaning the food bin in it earlier after the bag inside it sprung a leak... For making a quick cheer me up cake and for having a new jar of vanilla paste. What a shame I only found it after the cake was cooked!

Water-based

Mmm... I give thanks for drizzly summer Sundays when I have plenty to do indoors. For just enough brightness between the showers for trippers to brighten the day for local businesses, traipsing about between the adventure golf and gift shops clutching ice cream and chips...and not nearly enough to persuade me to make myself presentable and fight for a place in the fleeting sun. For watching the steps by the railway reappearing as the scaffolding and hoarding boards thar have been there for many months are gradually taken away.

I give thanks for generally taking it easy, but gradually getting a few things done. For enough odds and ends of paint to spruce up the drawers for my mosaic tiles materials though I was horrified to realise on opening an as yet unused tin of something I thought was a close substitute for the very pleasing satinwood I've used before, that this one wasn't water-based. Ych a fi, quelle horreur etc! I'm grateful there was some white spirit left under the sink here when I moved in but I didn't really want to use that nasty VOC laden stuff either... For a soothing play with aforementioned crafty bits while waiting for varnish to dry...

I give thanks for getting ahead with the cooking as I'm scheduled for three hospital treatments days in a row at the start of next week and will need some quick and nourishing food. The trick now is to leave that alone and make something else for supper...that's going to be egg-based I reckon...

Abridged

I give thanks for a lovely long deep sleep - apart from the extended wakefulness in the middle making it two too short lovely deep sleeps! For managing to stagger through the out of sorts and disconnected day that followed. For dampness and intermittent rainy clouds keeping the crowds at bay, so that I managed to move myself stagger around outside for a while too. For walking easing the pain in my back from grovelling on the floor painting bits of that chest of drawers...it also gave my sore hands a rest but obviously not my knees

I give thanks for the bridge over the railway being open and standing on it to watch the men at work trying to finish the behind schedule walkway on the wall while beginning to clear away their temporary constructions and kit. For admiring the enterprising ice cream van parked in one of the few spaces not blocked off for their vehicles to catch the trade passing to and fro from the cove...and then reading when I got home that they were free ice creams given away by Network Rail to apologise for the delay I suppose. I'm grateful I didn't know before as I might have been even more tempted! For giving in to the call of reduced price cheesecake in the Co op instead. I've missed picking up end of day bargains there and this had quite renally friendly ingredients and a delicious not-too-sweet taste.

For seeing people on holiday and remembering how good that easing of responsibility feels. For trying to be happy for them and not sad for myself.

Homecoming

How grateful I was that it was actually as pleasant to be back on my 'home' unit as I thought it would be. For a friendly welcome from some familiar faces, and a feeling of safety and comfort even though the side room I was allocated didn't have the view of sky and trees I'd been missing, there's one less biscuit with the cuppa and a later start so a later finish of course! I gave thanks for the extra time before setting out as I was particularly stiff and sore and out of sorts this morning so had a chance to limber up and part make my tea and pootle with some crafty stuff before heading into the city.  For different scenery and for a glimpse of the Queen Victoria moored remarkably close to shore just up the coast a way as we arrived back here. A beautiful looking ship... Obviously I've no chance of cruising now but what a shame they're not doing guided tours...

For talking to people who remembered stuff about me and vice versa so we didn't have to start from scratch...I even remembered some of their names which is one thing I usually forget. For Gary sending me a most enjoyable clip of interviews from the lead actors in the End of series. For the real homecoming of the day and week...and lots of damp crowd dispersing weather in the forecast!

Hooked

I'm grateful today wasn't all about cancer, but it was more about that, and my other health concerns, than I'd have preferred when in combination they made me in need of a day on the sofa with Netflix and biscuits and tea. I give thanks for repeatedly reminding myself to stop thinking and just be...in between doing what needed to be done.

I give thanks for grey weather to go with my grey mood. For a mask to hide behind when I hobbled up to our wonderful local health food shop where they take my shopping list via Messenger and have it all weighed and bagged ready for me to collect at the door.

For the damp afternoon making it easier to park when Julie and Spencer came to collect a hefty load for the recycling centre, creating more room in the spare room ready for wallpapering, for a comfortable space when that's completed, and in the meantime spreading out the new chest and drawers for some serious scrubbing while I decide how to paint it. No rush - only managed to clean one and a half drawer fronts so far! Not that they're so very dirty, just that I'm feeling so feeble and my hands and wrists are so sore.

I give thanks the basic mosaic I've been dabbling in has been remarkably gentle on these parts, less so than typing or domestic chores or any other crafts I do. Another reason why I enjoy it so much I'm sure. I'd been a little concerned the grouting stage might seem a bit of a let down after the fun I had playing with colours and shapes, so I'm grateful I find that very satisfying, and also exciting as the finished design is revealed. The only problem I've had so far is how to wash the mucky rag without clogging up the drains. So I gave thanks when I'd finished for the day and saw it had started raining - much against my knees' better judgement I went downstairs and hung it over a dustbin for a good rinsing!

Odd

I give thanks for watching a line of orange clad workmen jovially jogging long a section of the sea wall walkway this morning, to test it or celebrate near completion and a few weeks off looming maybe? For one of the few fishing boats currently able to use their little harbour, gliding through the calm pale blue water.

How blessed am I to live within sight of the sea! I spent the first few years of my life on a small, sparsely populated Scottish island - lousy for developing social skills but imbuing me with a deep devotion to the wetness that surrounds our larger one...

I give thanks that though there was a mix up and I was sent both a volunteer transporter and a paid one, it was the taxi that arrived first as it turned out to be the best hospital journey I've ever had. Sometimes you just hit it off straight way with someone don't you? This happens more often when you've met through some common choice or interest rather than a random conjunction of time or place, but it turned out we shared quite a lot including a delight in solitary walking and wandering that borders on a need! We're both fans of the coast road so he was happy to comply with my request that my last trip to the unit take that route, and he even suggested we stopped in the carpark with the most spectacular view over the bay for a few minutes where we got out and chatted about what we could see and whether we should buy ice cream or not. This might sound odd but it didn't feel it at all, it felt like being with a friend...which I suppose is a bit odd actually!

I give thanks for a relaxing evening planned with leftovers to heat up for tea. It's been an energetic few days for me and I'm still in recovery from moving that chest of drawers upstairs last night. It's lovely and solid, just right for keeping mosaic stuff in but I'll be torn tomorrow between beginning giving it a much needed lick of paint or starting finishing off my first pieces now I've collected all the bits I need - including an old plastic card as I know from working on the frieze in my old kitchen that our flexible friends are great tools for small small scale grout jobs...

Left

Sometimes it's not so much that you don't know what you're missing, but time has kindly drawn a veil of forgetfulness over your memory. Today I went to visit the town I left last year and have hardly seen in this one...and was so grateful I did! I give thanks for the tranquillity compared to here, partly due to more spacious public space so it seemed less crowded, but also due to a calmer clientele, even in summertime. I knew about this difference already of course, but not having personally experienced it for a while it didn't so much hit me as gently stroke me...

For contemplating on the concept of home on one of a choice of empty benches, and reminding myself of the very good reasons I moved away including, rather ironically in the circumstances, being nearer my 'home' dialysis base... Then my phone rang (unusually I had the sound on so I heard it!) and it was the hospital asking if I'd like to go back there starting this Friday and I was so thankful I nearly cried!

I give thanks for the facilities and attractions there, seeing businesses not selling food and drink (which most of them do round here), and how they were operating in new ways. For getting my sunglasses fixed so I can look down without them falling off, for falling in love with a little second hand chest of drawers just calling out for one of my makeovers, being given disposable gloves to examine it manually and an offer of free delivery as it was on the shop owner's way home. For spotting Mima on the street and getting a non Greggs but passable vegan sausage roll and cakes to celebrate.

I give thanks for the wonderful seasonal sculpture trail, the main reason for my visit. It's made from recycled materials, often those left or washed up on the beach and is always a feast for the eyes but seems even more so than usual this year.

For a long lie down when I wearily returned... For Andrew popping in with the paperwork for my new windows, and, as he's a mate as well as a salesman, for his assistance with some too tight for me screws on a carpet plate that needs lifting!

Wiped

I give thanks for traffic jams, and impatient types who turn off to take alternative routes so I get to see a change in scenery! For taxis both ways today and two very pleasant drivers neither of whom got impatient...but the first one said to tell the second one about the roadworks at a bottleneck spot so we came back over the tops with lush woods and sweeping views along the coast line in the clear air. Oh and no Heart radio - what a treat!

I give thanks for it still being sunny and warm when I got home so I could sit in the 'garden' area of my spare room with a cuppa, while waiting for Clive to drop off some samples so I could choose the colour for the shelves in there. What a helpful chap, and what a bonus he works in a kitchen unit makers!

I've been very busy today with this and that and I was actually quite grateful for a nice sit down in the afternoon, with a nap and someone bringing me a cup of tea and biscuits. For catching up with some of the neglected housework chores at each end of the day, so that some areas are somewhat cleaner and tidier, and for managing to fit in a quick relaxing play with my mosaic bits on my new wipeable craft table top. I give thanks for using my energy wisely (in my opinion anyway) and, now it's all used up and I'm exhausted, for a large and tasty supper and a hot bath on the way.

Manic

Just another manic Sunday here... I understand many folks' original holiday plans must have been scuppered, but why they want to come here is beyond me! Having moved here mainly for the ease of getting away, I know a bit about scuppered plans myself... I give thanks thanks they seem to be enjoying themselves anyway, and for the trade for local traders.

I give thanks for periods of being manic in my own way, and for at last reaching a stage in the spare room where it can be enjoyed as a room again, with only minimal movement required for Sam to get at the walls due for paper. For the huge privilege of having such a relatively huge space all for me! Having spent a lot of my adult life in tiny bedsits and studio flats I love being able to decide to go into different parts for different activities...and inactivities! In the late afternoon, after planning to take a book to sit by the brook, and scuttling back home again as soon as I reached the far too busy pavement, I was very grateful for a newly created relaxing spot indoors to sit in instead.

I give thanks for plant based meat style burgers. It took a vegan to convince me to try these out instead of the beany ones I was used to and I'm hooked! For a cheery Sainsbury's driver bringing me a pack of their very good ones... And for already having in stock some of Tesco's very good ciabatta buns as Sainsbury's ones are not! For having two sources of supermarket deliveries so I can be a fussy so-and-so!

Acceptable

I give thanks for chipping away at what seemed to be an impossible large and arduous task over the last twenty four hours, breaking it down into smaller components, stopping often...and often telling myself I'd leave the next bit and get some help, before leaving it, doing nothing for a while to recuperate and then going back and doing it anyway! For the progress made, results and resulting pain being acceptable - which is a good thing as nothing would change if I thought they weren't! For getting out of all the normal chores I've been either to busy or too exhausted to go near - well for today anyway...For a nap when the going got too tough to keep going...

I give thanks for the suitably summery weather for the tourists and day trippers. I can tell from the volume of their voices they are being quite grateful for a cool beverage or two, while I'm thankful so far they still sound good natured so far they For a bake in the oven barley risotto finishing off for my supper. If I can manage not to make a complete pig of myself, it would also make a very acceptable cold lunch tomorrow. For remembering to adjust my Sainsbury's order for tomorrow too!

Naughty

Thank (fill in the word of your choice) it's Friday!

For an OK day at the office though a late start and a painfully slow afternoon in one of their most uncomfy chairs. For a tasty home made Coronation quorn roll in my lunch box, a spot of online shopping and a couple of episodes of the most enjoyable Shtisel on Netflix to help pass the time. I'm grateful I'm not Ultra Orthodox Jewish for many reasons, but I do rather envy the way the women spend so much time in a house coat and turban. How comfy and practical!

For doing something very naughty on the way home involving a new-to-me taxi driver and a Lidl 'Tunnock's' wafer - stranger danger sin, renal sin and Covid sin all in one go but no Biblical commandments broken! For having such an interesting chat, both admitting to finding the usual hospital transport conversational options rather dismal and dull...

For making a start on the weekend tasks while the prospect of two days off has me buzzing, and leftovers to heat up when my batteries suddenly went flat and I had to stop. For fancying some dessert and remembering I'd forgotten I made apple Charlotte last night with some old crusts from the freezer. For my simple but amply sufficient food processor for whizzing them up, and for Mima bringing Bramleys...

Amazed

Some days I'm truly amazed by my energy and motivation, how active I am and how much I manage to get done. I'm so grateful I can defy all the many medical odds like this! And then there are days like today when it's that other version of myself that amazes me - it's nigh on impossible to imagine being her, let alone some close to her achievements...as even the easiest tasks are so wearying and painful. I give thanks there wasn't anything very urgent on the to do list, but it's a shame I find messily unfinished tasks so mentally uncomfortable and disruptive to relaxing or I'd have done a good deal more of that.

I give thanks for the cloudy morning which helped with encouraging restful slowness...and later, when the sun came out and I wanted to be too, for discovering if I turn a blind eye to the chaos of abandoned decorating tasks in the spare room and open the rickety window wide at the right time of day, I can sit beside the lettuces with rays beaming down on me through the gap and it feels rather like having a garden! I give thanks for receiving a very reasonable quote for new front windows. Doing this will feel a lot safer doing this with sturdy new frames and hinges, I just need to get hold of one of the team to progress the order - easier said than done with many of them still on furlough. Meanwhile I'm grateful for hearing the home help service is gearing up to restart soon. My monetary affluence will suffer, but my time wealth and wellbeing will be enriched...

Red

There's so much traffic again now, and mostly I'm not grateful for that at all but it does mean sometimes the hospital transport is stationery by gloriously lush hedgerows or old stone walls and I love looking at those up close. I give thanks for living somewhere where there is still so much rural scenery to enjoy, even if just in passing! You have to sit in the back of the car for distancing of course, and as all vehicles now have enormous headrests I'm always looking sideways, often transfixed by the fascinating changing sky...and any raptors catch my eye. Not long ago I saw what I thought was an extra large buzzard, and a couple of times I've seen seen glimpses of forked tails and have told myself they 'can't' be red kites as received ornithological wisdom seems to be this is too far south - even trying to convince myself they were regular local birds of prey with chewed up feathers which logically must be even more unlikely. Today however I watched a bird that was so exactly like a red kite wheeling gracefully on thermals over the edge of some old woodland I don't know what else it could be! I give thanks I don't drive or I'd have missed it, and that I had to go to the dialysis unit or I'd not have been on that road at all...

I felt exhausted when I got home... (sometimes the treatment makes you feel better, sometimes worse) so was grateful I'd already made a pot of dahl this morning. Isn't it funny how red lentils cook to yellow? For rallying enough eventually o daub some old paint on some old furniture. That was yellow all along...though not the yellow it says on the tin as I do like to mix things up!

Busy

I give thanks for whatever they did to my blood yesterday as I've been so energetic since. Well, relatively speaking you know - I haven't run any marathons or climbed any mountains but I've been able to tackle several tasks one after another without the need for excessive need for idleness in between. For being so absorbed in the soothing arranging and rearranging of new mosaic tiles (plus the daringly scary process of actually sticking them down!)  I quite forgot to get lunch, and for having the physical, mental and financial wherewithal to pop round the corner to the Co-op for one of their spicy vegan pizzas. For them having these in stock, as well as as the other items on my list...and for seeing slightly more people wearing masks, although that might have been simply due to the fact there were just so many people in town! I give thanks the chaps in orange are cracking on with the walkway on the new wall. It's due to be open by the end of the week and though it's going to be busy as a novelty as well as flat route to the cove at least it will mean there'll be more room for people to spread out.

I give thanks for the cheeriest Tesco driver ever - even good natured about the fact that there was nowhere to park outside due to all the stationary takeaway traffic so he had to carry my groceries right doen the street as well as up the stairs.

Restorative

I gave thanks for sunshine this morning and hurrying through my chores to walk a little way out of the town to enjoy it before my transport came. My joints and muscles are still very sore but this was worth the pain for the gain of getting away from the gathering crowds. For the rain this evening refreshing the earth and plants and trees...and making the tourists disappear refreshing my spirits too! Every summer I remind myself we who live in this beautiful part of the country must share, but this year for me, no matter how illogical, it feels rather as if the visitors are taking all of the nice weather and pleasant places to be and leaving me with not much at all...

I give thanks for an OK day at the unit and for the extra physical energy to bring home from nice clean blood. For the extra enthusiasm too for doing what I can do myself after Clive doing some of what I can't. For filler and paint, and how they can make so many things look better...

Flat

I give thanks for following the plan for yesterday which was to keep moving despite my fatigue so I slept better last night. It worked and I went out like a light...but my body kept waking me up to complain about the aching joints and muscles, so not an unmitigated success! I give thanks today I've had no choice but to take it easier as I'm still so tired and sore but I give thanks for eventually managing to hobble from seat to seat up the road a little way as in the process I met Jo and Keith and it was nice to stop and say hello... For braving a cake shop and finding though they only take cards there's no surcharge for just buying one!

I give thanks for Clive coming to put up some shelves etc so that when I feel up to getting back at it I have plenty more home making to do. For feebly attempting to remove a blob of plaster slapdashedly slapped over a hole hidden behind a wall heater he removed... I chipped away at the edges but the middle was solid and thick so I hit it a couple of times with the hammer to see if it would break up, and though it stayed a solid mass it gradually sank into the gap behind so now I'll get away with just skimming some filler over the top. I was very grateful for this! I'm pretty handy with a filler knife and rather enjoy making holes disappear, but there are other pastimes I'd rather be getting on right now with like lolling with a book in a warm bath to ease my pain. Have I mentioned (lately) how grateful I am for my bath? I give thanks every time I lower myself into the water.

Unrestricted

I give thanks when a bad night's not a school night. Being tired's so much easier if you're not expected to be in a certain place at a certain time doing and saying the right sort of things... I've been most grateful today for my own company and a contentedly spontaneous schedule.

For a simultaneous thinning of clouds and crowds, and summoning the energy to get to the cove. It is less accessible than usual at the moment unfortunately, but fortunately this results in less people getting there less quickly so it can be fairly laid back place to be. For finding a good sized space for me and Bill Bryson not too near the chap laying back in a very small thong! I was cheeky enough to notice he had a well rounded personality when he turned over though!

As I often write my posts just before my tea I forget to say how much I give thanks for food in general rather than some specific meal in store.. We are most of us in our culture blessed with so much available of good quality and in such variety, even those of us on restricted diets and it's so easy to take this for granted. I give thanks for breaking my particular restrictions with plenty of delicious potassium for my elevenses on the beach as the latest tests showed such a low level my captors were denied the chance to censure.

I give thanks for Laura introducing me to alstromeria several years ago when she brought me a bouquet so (when I finally remembered the name!) I could buy a bargain bunch from Sainsbury's and enjoy their long lasting blooms for days and days...

Colourful

I give thanks I never cease to be surprised by how many colours the sea can seem to be...and for having the chance to notice them at different times and varying weather.

For seeing some different greens this afternoon too as, presumably because his Satnav said to, the driver took a different route... Not the coast road but high enough up in the hills to see some coastline here and there, and through some favourite countryside I've not seen for such a long time. I was grateful for that and also for some uplifting music to drown out the mind rot of commercial radio.

I give thanks for rather good blood results again and for feeling fairly capable when I arrived back here so I could tackle some unappealing tasks as well as play with my pieces of ceramic and glass, seeing how shapes and colours work together. I give thanks compared to other crafts I enjoy it's much easier to try out ideas beforehand and also that it's much less arduous on the hands to 'unpick' them if you change your mind.

I give thanks for a fragrant bubbly bath and spicy curry leftovers for my supper.

Intrinsic

I give thanks for remembering to write my blog. I remembered earlier when I thought it was late and then forgot again - I've been confused about time since I got up early and then fell asleep during Donna's meditation in the late morning. For it mattering to me to record my grateful thoughts, and taking the time to write as if they will be read even though these days I don't think they often are...

For not having much else on my schedule as it's been a do little and care less sort of day...For making myself go out and get a little exercise in the damp fresh air, and sharing views on the progress on the building works with some visitors passing by. For chatting to Andrew when he came round to measure up for a quote for new windows. I hope I can afford them after various expenditures this month including several new sorts of mosaic tiles...for the pleasure in choosing and planning designs as well as beginning to create...and the anticipation of some grout arriving so I can really see how they are turning out.

I give thanks for the changing light on the sea and sky and ships in the bay in clouds and rain and sun. For how much easier it is to have my new laptop on my lap, to type accurately on the keypad and to see the screen...and don't even get me started on folding it up to use in tablet mode as I've not even started on that!

Safe

Well that was a long day at the office, but I give thanks this was due to mistimings and malfunctions that had nothing to do with any of my body parts. For late departure for home meaning my usual driver (who I'm sure is a lovely chap but I find it hard to love!) was otherwise engaged, resulting in a more pleasant experience in various ways.

For living somewhere where packages wait safely for me both outside the main entrance and outside my own flat door. I'd been a little concerned to receive an email while at the hospital saying the one containing my new Chromebook was due to arrive this afternoon...so I gave great thanks for being here not where I was before. For having a new laptop! The old one refuses to play any audio now (though it produces some rather scary sounds), got so hot I had to put it down after doing some (more) Internet window shopping when I got home and then crashed on the check out page and though I take on board the board the lessons in this week's lectures re the benefits of investing in experiences rather than stuff, if your stuff is giving you bad experiences you might have to reconsider... For having my tea already made in the fridge so I can do other things instead of cooking tonight.

Flowing

I give thanks for going with the flow today when neither the weather nor my body cares at all about my plans. For lots of lolling, reading, dozing and continuing with the Wellbeing course. For liking the concept of 'flow' so much I bought the book!

For finally making it to a local charity shop to drop off some bits. For the feeling of superiority at the antics of holiday makers and feral teenagers in the park...and remembering to be contrite afterwards! For the colouring of the feathers on this young swan's back...

For bravely seeing if I could brave the Co op. I've a tendency to get panicky in shops at the best of times and I've been dreading how stressful this might feel in these confusing ones. For waiting for a quiet time, and when I wanted something from there enough to try, but not desperately enough for it to matter if I failed... For managing to keep calm and carry on despite unmasked shoppers completely ignoring the signs about which way to go or where to stand. Luckily there weren't too many of them about and they could still see and react to the frown and hard stare showing above my own face covering! Won't be making a habit of it for several reasons but I give thanks for the sense of regaining some independence... and some of their lush coleslaw for my lunch!

Wild

I give thanks for the breeze dropping so I've been able to enjoy the gaps in the cloud and a little sunshine at each end of the day. For the open cafes and bars taking the strain off the parks and beaches somewhat. For thinking I wouldn't mind partaking of tea and cake brought to my table somewhere but the tables I've seen still look too close to me!

For dragging my rather fatigued post hospital self to a favourite rather elevated spot to sit and admire the view and, when I realised the seat was taken by folk with clanking glass in carrier bags, for the consolation prize of spotting these apples just over the fence on the embankment - was there a garden there once or did the tree grow from a discarded core I wonder... For living so close to such pleasant spots (and in a very pleasant home when I can't to them or am pipped to the post!) which helps me deal with my longing to see some other horizons and less people in larger spaces...

For more loose ends with last year's recorded Loose Ends. This time catching Blue Rose Code performing Wild Mountain Heather. It's a song that always tends to bring tears to my eye but this version had them rolling down my cheeks. Can't give you a link as though there's a podcast to listen to the song has been removed. For saving it on my TV box to I can be moved by it over and over again...

Fitting

I give thanks for being nearly there, reaching the stage of sewing up seams and hems with the loose ends of my latest yarn craft project while listening to Loose Ends from last year. It's been a while since I did some make-it-up-as-you-go-along knitting and I'm very grateful for creating a wearable garment fit for the purpose intended, and without experiencing too much stress on the joints and tendons in my hands. For starting sticking some mosaic tiles too... after solving the mystery of the glue. I thought I just didn't have strong enough grip to get the top off - which is a very common state of affairs where lids are concerned but it doesn't come off, it just twists up a bit to let the adhesive out. I give thanks for having a new skill set to learn...

It's not all been creative play of course today and I give thanks for getting on with the boring chores as well and the home improvement prep clearing more stuff out of the spare room for wallpaper to go up and carpet to go down, and a certain double glazing salesman to measure and price up for a new window that actually fits the aperture. For polenta as 'chips' today with the leftovers of the 'mash' from yesterday. What a versatile grain it is!

For the brisk breeze keeping the crowds down a little even those at the local hostelries...although maybe they all had headaches, poor things. For walking down (and up!) to see how the sea wall and walkway is progressing. You could be forgiven for thinking they are making it up as they are going along or are learning a new skill set too, but some more parts have been assembled and some of them even appear to be in the right places!

Fashionable

Not all veggie minces are created equal and I give great thanks for my favourite being back in stock and still tasting the same despite being rebranded, as veggie mince is rather fashionable these days! For making a good hearty lunch with some to sustain me on a busy day in the department of cunning plans. For moving on with various creative projects and in creating space for home improvements to come. For having appropriately sized pieces of wood, fabric, bias binding and elastic to fashion a sort of table top to play with the mosaic pieces Steph sent me a while ago. I like the zen of arranging of coloured tiles and then sweeping them aside, and trying another design...but soon I'm sure one will stick and I'll stick!

For thinking to type this lying on my back on the floor afterwards as it really was not impressed...

For the sound of people happily doing the done thing and drinking alcohol in public. I popped out earlier to watch them. Didn't look very socially distant to me and as the day has progressed they've clearly mislaid the memo about not raising their voices too. I give thanks for not feeling I'm missing out in the slightest...well except the peace that preceded lockdown easing of course. I may have a wee dram quietly at home with my supper to compensate...

Forgivable

I give thanks for lavender oil and a freezer full of frosty things when, while making a hasty tasty supper, I distractedly grasped a very hot pan and burnt my hand. I give thanks it was my left hand which takes it's time to get a grip and lift, and by devoting the rest of the evening to first, second and third aid it's just a little tender today. For remembering my tendency to be accident prone when low in spirits...and again when I forgot I'd not run the spin cycle and the machine let me open the door with it full - ugh! For a large towel to hand that hadn't made that load of washing but wasn't pristine clean...

I'm grateful for understanding the reason I've not found the latest lectures in the Wellbeing course quite so helpful this week, is probably partly because the course was produced in pre-pandemic days for healthy young university students with abundant current opportunities and the promise of successful futures ahead. I need to adapt the suggested techniques for avoiding hedonic adaptation and reset my reference points including the intrinsic reference points of the tutor and her group! For still finding the psychology of it very interesting.

I give thanks for a damp chilly start to the weekend which mysteriously has a Bank Holiday feel despite the fact that it's not, nor am I included in any of the potential new freedoms...and even if it were and I was I'd still not have the Monday off!

Forgettable

I give thanks for gasping over and over again at the changing colours of the sea in yesterday's clear evening light. I've mostly a pretty good memory but a good view can astound me afresh each time I see it...even if the previous one was just a few minutes before!

It's much easier to notice good stuff around you when you're already in a good frame of mind...and though being aware and on the look out for pleasant experiences does have a cumulative effect it doesn't make you immune to the human condition. There will be times when your focus is all on what's gone wrong, what you're not happy with, what feels uncomfortable to your body or mind. I'm grateful for understanding this as this has been me today. Contrary to popular opinion I'm not always upbeat and in touch with the bright side all of the time. I don't think anyone is, but as a friend of mine who is also often erroneously thought of as permanently positive says, it's not that you don't get down it's how you deal with it when you do. So really in this post just giving thanks for dealing with it, for accepting the sense of failing even in my best efforts at that is just part of the gloomy grumbly mood. For the next stage being a bath and forgetting it all with fiction.

Moviente

I give thanks for a remarkably pleasant day at the office - successful treatment, easy to deal with staff, a timely cup of tea, a taxi home instead of patient transport...and even a driver more on my wavelength than any I've had for a very long while.

For talking to Sam the decorator man about moving things on a little here when the time is right. I'm grateful he's not forgotten me!

I'm extra tired this evening so I give thanks though my tea is not made it should be very easy to make it so. For being rather hungry as I think I'm comfy on the sofa but I'm sure to be stiff if I don't move soon! For meanwhile finishing off the Shtisel episode I ran out of time for at the hospital where it's gentle pace and poignancy suits me well. I really wanted to know what happened next before different viewing this evening... For the wide variety of entertainment available on Netflix.