Laddered

I give thanks I turned out to more the kind of woman who goes up ladders than worries if her tights have run...and, though goodness knows it can't be an easy time to be young, I give thanks at least there are different options for girls in our society other than than the very limited range of constructed stereotypes I grew up with. I give thanks I can still get up a ladder - as long as it's not to the top - and operate sandpaper and a filler knife when I get there, but I'm also grateful as I feel so tired and achy this evening I abandoned over optimistically planned session 2... For progress being made on one of those little unfinished DIY tasks nonetheless.

I give thanks for quick and easy food to put together after a machine delay plus a transport muddle meant I got home later (and colder!) than I would have preferred.  For my sofa offering comfortable support, remote control, catch up TV and an electric heater to turn on for a few extravagant minutes. I give thanks bolting my supper has given me a mega bout of hiccups - I'd been worried I might fall asleep as it's really too late for a nap, but no danger of drifting off now! 

Robotic

Energetic and enthusiastic - I give thanks I feel that way sometimes and can remember what it's like, as it's not been like that today! For trying some cleaning which needed doing and sometimes gets me motivated, pottering with creative pursuits and accessing fresh air (there's no way you could call it exercise the speed I was travelling at!) but I was merely going through the motions and just kept hoping it would soon be time to stop! I give thanks for stopping. And also for stopping telling myself I should start again - unless I wanted to of course, enforced inactivity being just as wearing and wearying as forced moving around... 

I give thanks for getting briefly far enough away for there to be more sounds of waves breaking than the noisesome kids, dogs, cars, motorbikes and ways of Essex carrying on in town. For this only being a small town! For there being an empty seat in the bright warm sunshine there to recuperate admiring the sparkly sea before my return. For a long flop on the sofa catching up with recorded TV including Peter the Human Cyborg to remind me to be grateful for the state of my health and marvel as I always do at the mysterious marvellous miracle of human romantic love. For it adding some fact to the fictional science of the book I'm currently reading. For the beautiful almost full moon shining on the sea last night. For a full fridge and a big bunch of alstromeria from Sainsbury's as they'd run out of the smaller bouquets and this was the nearest substitute.

Early

Not a lot of people realise this...but as long as I've had enough sleep and enough time for the aches and stiffness that start the day to ease before I have to do anything too demanding, I actually rather like 'early'! These conditions are rather rarely met, but I give thanks after a handful of bad ones I had a good and early night last night and thus managed to complete the necessary tasks to leave the house and be on a bus before 9.00 am, not at all as planned! I give thanks for the freshness of the morning, bright with sunshine and promise and not too many pesky humans clogging it up... For a top deck front seat to admire the cruise ships in the bay, the long shadows of the trees, a flock of geese in a field of stubble and the tors so clear they seemed near. For completing my mission to purchase a clutch of Greggs' vegan sausage rolls, post some packages and purchase a hefty bag of compost so that no lingering and loitering looking at wares afterwards was feasible and I was back home before everywhere got too busy. 

I give thanks for a gently restorative afternoon snoozing on the sofa with a film, wallowing in a fragrant cocoa butter bath with a page turner, admiring the sky and the sea and trying out some new mosaic ideas. For not wasting any time thinking what else I maybe ought to be doing...

Standard

I only get a standard size weekend but I'm still grateful that it's here and that it's looking promising I might enjoy it more than the last one, though the coming week has a challenge or two in store - and that's just the ones I know about! For quite a pleasant day at the unit, despite late running for various reasons...and that none of those reasons were medical emergencies... For drivers who didn't drive me insane - one new to me and one I've not seen for months. For the one on the way home managing not to hit a wood pigeon playing chicken, and for sharing a laugh about it.

I give thanks for the kind folk have willingly parted with cash to cover the costs of their mosaic pieces...and sometimes extra too! For this encouraging me to buy new tiles and bases to feed my creative appetite (not that much encouragement was required!) and for the packages arriving today so I can't wait to play... 

I give thanks for making a veggie cottage pie yesterday for tonight to feed the other sort! 

Rescued

I give thanks for having an off day on a wet and windy day off and lots of lovely lazing about all morning! For my cheap, cheerful and exceedingly comfy wellingtons eventually calling me to get out of bed and enjoy the invigorating elements down by the beach - briefly! It is such a privilege to be able to choose to get cold and damp...and then become warm and dry. For noting in passing the recycling bins had been taken out and brought back after emptying. I don't know who does it and as I can't do it myself and it doesn't always happen, I'm always most relieved when it's attended to. For being back indoors when the the mega downpour started and being on the second floor so my home wasn't one of those that got flooded. The road outside was like a river for a while!

I didn't sleep well and I give thanks for making a phone call to sort out something that had been causing me much heartache at 4.00 am, so if I have another wakeful night I can do something better with my brain!  For some gentle creativity in the kitchen and in various spots about the place with various craft projects. For Tamsin being so pleased with the mosaic coaster she chose. For a big box of baklava and some specially printed labels chosen by me and sent by Bob. For a new guided meditation to try before my supper...

Mad

I thanked the driver most sincerely when I got out of the homewards cab today - he allowed me a silent journey with the air con at a level to suit which was exactly what I needed after a rather maddening day. For my tea already cooked and my bath, non-bathroom tiles, books and TV waiting to continue the recovery process...

For yesterday's acupuncture. Though I remembered I wanted it, neither my mind nor my body could quite remember why! It was wonderfully therapeutic to spend time with Rachel too discussing our very particular mix of common interests, for those blondies coming out of the freezer as delicious as they went in and for her doing the washing up for me while the needles did their thing. For her telling me she had another patient who saw the strange and beautiful sparkly lights under the sea a few weeks ago. I thought it was some kind of bio-luminescence but it wasn't like the blue plankton bloom displays you can see on line or in real life if you are lucky, and because my research failed to come up with an explanation, nor anyone else who had seen anything similar I was wasn't sure if I'd been blessed or was going doolally!

I give thanks for the positive feedback I've received for my early mosaic attempts. I feel very blessed to have found a new hobby given increasing limitations.. plus it stops me from going (any more) crazy than I am!

Showery

I give thanks for an unusually good quantity and quality of sleep and, as it started when the evening was still quite young, for an unusually long morning for me! For feeling better for it, but still unusually willing to do very little apart from watching the waves go by... with a little light mosaic therapy in between. 

For stormy weather thinning the crowds a little, and for the sun coming out eventually as I thought it would do me good to take a slow steady stroll while it was possible to weave a path between the straggling extended family groups. For it being very pleasant out there despite the blustery winds...and straggling extended family groups! 

I give thanks my new shower has arrived, and new kitchen tap ready for the plumber. For making a curry earlier and for deciding to eat it cold as I kept picking while waiting for the rice to cook, and eventually gave up... 

For Rachel on her way to give me acupuncture. It's been a long long time! 

Mysterious

I give thanks for a beautiful almost double rainbow on the way to the city this morning, and for one of the main men from my time on the main unit now being a vascular access chap so I felt in good hands when I arrived. He scanned my arm and could see no reason why the fistula seemed to be packing up on Friday, recommending to his replacement on the ward there (who used to work at my normal unit so another known and trusted quantity) that we start dialysis and if it was working OK I commence eating and drinking again. I was very grateful this occurred just before the tea trolley came around, and for experiencing no obvious ill effects from missing most of my treatment on Friday.

I give thanks for having nice clean blood again anyway, and no extra holes for it to come out of! I've had a lot of difficult stuff to deal with in my life, and knowns I can more or less get on with, but extended uncertainty in large and lengthy quantities really wears me out... My fistula will probably require attention some at some point as the measures taken to stop it working too powerfully seem to have pushed it rather too far the other way, but I'm very relieved emergency surgery is not required. Similarly, after my anaemia treatment was stopped a month or two ago due to haemoglobin levels suitable for a healthy person (ie higher than sensible for a renal patient, despite it feeling so good!) I've slithered back down to a state when slithering is pretty much all I can do. I'm not sure why they've taken so long to notice and respond to this, but I'm extremely grateful today they started boosting me again, as I've been becoming increasingly uncomfortably symptomatic. For the tail end of stormy summer holidays not being a bad time to want to be mostly sofa bound when you live in a busy seaside resort, and that believing I might come home this afternoon even more limply than I did meant I pushed myself to do some household chores at the weekend that otherwise would have been left and idleness has so far resulted in very little mess. I also give thanks that being home in the afternoon somehow means I keep mistakenly thinking I have to go to hospital tomorrow...and all being well I don't!

Necessary

Something we've all been learning this year, I think, is that time flies whether you are having fun or not! I give thanks today for trying to fly through the chores while still retaining a day of rest kind of feeling. Not sure what tomorrow is going to bring, but it starts with nil by mouth and a meeting with a surgeon who is new to me, so even if I just go unnecessarily hungry for a while it's probably going to be a somewhat long and stressful day. Today therefore, despite a desire to just relax, has been mostly about preparing comfort for my return when I'm pretty sure I'll want to relax even more. I give thanks for briefly braving the outside world to shop for simple food to heat up my tea whenever I get home to have it, packing a few essentials in case I don't...and for changing the bedding ready for that nurtured feeling I suspect I will be needing. I give thanks for the strength to do the physical tasks I set myself, and the mental sort to stick to the programme too! 

Controlling

I give thanks for passing yesterday afternoon's blood tests. I thought they'd call in the morning if I needed to head to the hospital immediately and when they didn't I let anxiety level drop to cruise control, only to go switch back to full on panic mode when they called this afternoon! I wouldn't say all my bags were packed and ready to go but cautious preparations had been made...

I give thanks for managing the first of my temporary course of injections just fine, if rather nervously, and that after dealing with that, plus unblocking the bathroom basin, the next most urgent need for me today was for plenty of rest and restorative me time. Stress can be very tiring, let alone the bodily malfunctions that result in it!

For finally becoming gripped by The Binding so that a chunk of the morning had to be spent finishing reading this very original and enjoyable tale. For pausing the gentle pleasures of The Peanut Butter Falcon during a long lie down on the sofa to move about a little before becoming stiff, clear up the grout debris from tiling earlier and, of course,write my blog! I've not paid much attention to the outside world these last twenty four hours except to shut the windows when it got too noisy, but I give thanks for noticing and admiring in passing the colours and shapes of the clouds, and the changing light on those massive ships in the bay.

Dramatic

I give thanks the sea looked less inviting this morning after the wildly windy night, as people got caught out by the rip currents in yesterday's innocent seeming blue waters at low tide. For enjoying a pleasant few hours at home before leaving for the hospital, and for my back being so much better.

I give thanks for memories of the previous evening's super relaxing Yoga Nidra meditation to slip back to on a difficult afternoon with grumpy drivers, traffic delays and worrying fistula problems too. The good side of this is I got to go home at the usual time instead of later, which would have been expected with my late treatment start, but only slightly treated, with emergency procedures to follow over the weekend and a mega early (for me) departure on Monday to fit in a consultation and possible operation before dialysis afterwards. 

I give thanks for feeling physically fine apart from a rather sore arm from all the attempts to get things to work properly, and another light layer of anxiety to add to the other ones that already hover in the background of my mind. For it being a favourite member of staff who was trying to sort everything out, including transport changes that refused to be changed at first. She made me feel looked after and that we were 'in it together' if you know what I mean. Also for a visit from the lovely research nurse who I haven't seen for months, partly re research but also just for a catch up and a bit of eye rolling about some of the hospital related stuff that goes on that seems so divorced from common sense. 'When I rule the world it will all be different', I said...and she replied 'When you rule the world I want to work for you!' which I think is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me!

I give thanks for the water heating up for a soothing soak in the bath, for some enjoyable craft projects on the go to keep me occupied, and for a good book and and all the options on my new TV for turning off reality as required.

Spellbound

I give thanks that I don't drive a car, or work any kind of machinery more dangerous than a cooker, vacuum and kettle. One of the more senior (and more caring) nurses suggested taking my heavier duty analgesic every day - as prescribed - while my back is bad, as sitting still for dialysis makes it worse, and although not having dialysis would solve the problem (and many others besides!) that's a non-reversible process... These pills are a kind of pseudo-opiate so it seems like there's a sort of padding between your brain and the pain - for which I'm grateful obviously - but also padding between your brain and all its cognitive functions which I absolutely hate! I'm grateful it's worn off as the day has worn on and I feel more like myself...

I give thanks for the relative comfort meaning I could go out for a bit of a stroll earlier, taking advantage of handy empty seats. You don't call me the breeze but the breeze certainly calls to me, especially when I can see what it does to the sea. and gaze and gaze and gaze... I tried to take some photos but as usual, buffeted by the wind and dazzled by the sunshine, on later inspection they're not much cop. But I found this on my camera from an exhilarating walk on a more mobile day a week or two ago which I always meant to share and forgot. 

I give thanks for wobbly toddles as well as longer rambles. For catching up with housework a little when I could drag myself away from those mesmerising tiles! For the internet for helping me sort out a some queries and requests to various people and for today's water casualties getting out more or less unscathed. It annoys me I find the sight of emergency services in action so enthralling but it's a common human foible I suppose. I give thanks for preparing my stew for tea earlier so I'm off for one of Donna's meditations before I tuck in...

Returning

I give thanks for the stormy weather! The 'wave return' profile of the new wall returns the power of the water to the sea (so they say, I'm not out there myself to check!) but you still get stunning plumes of spray  thank goodness as I'm sure it's too late to go to the estate agent and say I want my money back! I give thanks it was so much calmer yesterday evening when various emergency services were searching and rescuing after dark, and also for getting home later than usual but just the right time for the display, including kids enjoying getting wet without the risk of getting washed away.

I give thanks for an OK day at the office, though very chatty so looking forward to a quiet one tomorrow. For a purely social visit from the lovely renal dietitian to welcome me back, and for remembering to tell her to tell everyone about polenta chips. For a heater to turn on for a few minutes when I got home and the place seemed full of the cool damp air, and for a nice flat floor to lie on to try to soothe my back, which was mardy when I left and is down right bad tempered now I've come home...

Digital

I give thanks I've a pretty good memory. It generally keeps me up to date and on the ball, while generously drawing a veil over chunks of my life better left forgotten. Yesterday evening, pulling the spare room window closed against the evening chill (well, chilly to me anyhow!) I heard a new sound of running water somewhere nearby and thoughts of all the leaking and overflowing left unfixed at my last home came 'flooding' back as I frantically tried to find its source. Turned out to be the ornamental fountain in the park across the way spouting water for the first time for many many months... Phew!

My joints are still giving me a hard time, and the tender tendons round them, but I'm grateful my thumbs and wrists have been less painful so I've been able to be handy here and there today. My right knee was giving me particular grief yesterday and the soreness spreading up and down my leg so it was really difficult finding a comfortable position on the sofa to watch my original TV, let alone getting the feet on the new one and watch that. I woke up several times in the night with it too but it wasn't until the early morning that I finally recognised it as sciatica on the other side from when I had it before. Cue another set of horrid memories, and some pretty pointless thinking around the theme of not being able to handle this, on top of that...and that...and the other! I'm so grateful it eased off during the day so it's more like someone is playing tinkly classical guitar on the nerve rather than thrash metal.

I give thanks for dodging torrential showers and those not so happy campers to pick up a prescription from Boots, tackling the monster pile of washing up and some contented arranging of mosaic tiles. For finally limbering up enough to assemble the television and begin a rather frustrating hour or so trying to get the thing to work...and then get it to work with my old TV box full of recordings I'd like to access...and then get the old set to work without the TV box and associated remote control so I can offer it as a stand alone going concern to the local homeless charity. For a while there I wondered if I'd lost my own control of such matters and would have to be a girl and get a man to help, but then I remembered the drawer of valves I had in my twenties, decided I wasn't about to be defeated by a mere digital single and achieved these goals at least, though a few more related ones  outstanding.  I give thanks for perseverance and for the way belief in one's capabilities can help with tricky tasks. I also give thanks now the new set is finally off the floor it's safe for me to vacuum. Well kind of any way!

Right

Oops, I nearly did it again - I'm very grateful I didn't! There are about half a dozen screens you have to work through to complete an online grocery order change after you've made your new selections. It's very easy to think you're done when there's secretly just one more action required on a page you have to scroll down below your line of sight to click once more on 'confirm'...if you don't you get what you didn't want and not what you do.

I give thanks for quite a bustly sort of day apart from the bit where I had to keep still. I even managed a trawl of my local Co-op to see what bargains were to be had before the aforementioned clicking. For rustling up a quick lentil curry this morning as I was craving legumes, and finishing off those delicious blondies (apart from the ones sensibly stashed in the freezer) with pear and cream for dessert. For channel hopping for something to watch with my meal and finding a fascinating programme about villagers in the Ethiopian Highlands coming together to make an elderly widow a new traditional house. They weave a kind of dome from split bamboo bought from a farm, and make the structure very tall as every year it will get around a foot smaller due to termites eating the base. And there's me fussing about getting the right paint or wallpaper... I envy the community spirit, and the beauty in the building but I'm very grateful for my Western home!

I give thanks for not buying the shower the plumber and I thought was right as, emptying a box of this and that this morning, I came across the manual and I'll need a different wattage. For buying Laura a plant some years ago at some gorgeous gardens near Roscoff to say thank you for taking me there...and her telling me it's flourishing in her new garden and looks beautiful this summer. For Jan liking the coaster I made her.  For glimpsing from the taxi window a little green apple rolling down a drive, plus a graceful white egret in a field.

Disconnected

Often pain and fatigue are connected but sometimes they come and go according to schedules of their own. Today it's been the latter - I've had high levels of energy and motivation, but also severe discomfort in body parts that made doing anything with this liveliness quite a challenge. I've been being pretty grateful though, as I think it's a better deal than the other way around...and productive busyness can take your mind off pain to some extent...and also children and dogs having tantrums outside. I give thanks for having a pint of milk in the freezer (and remembering to take it out!) as this meant I could avoid effortful brushing of hair, fastening of shoes, face mask wearing and other virus related inconveniences including dodgy grockle dodging, and just stay in my own little world for the day. For making some progress in rationalising storage of stuff I want to keep, plus items I don't but can't offload to charity shops just now. For also making progress on a couple of mosaic pieces I'm pleased with. I've had a few experiments not turn out well at all which can be disheartening, and although there is intrinsic pleasure in the process it can quickly fade when you produce something you really wish you hadn't! 

I give thanks for the connection of the internet - both literally and metaphorically. For using it to talk to a plumber about what sort of shower to replace my old with, and then shopping around to make a choice to run by him so there'll be no sharp intake of breath and patronising paternalistic comments when he arrives to fit it. For being philosophical about my new TV still being on the floor - trying to operate a screwdriver today would not be wise methinks. For another online Yoga Nidra session booked for when I can lie still more comfortably, and for polenta chips cooking in the oven for some comfort eating very soon.

Painful

I'm grateful I spotted a programme about pain earlier this week...it filled in some sofa time on a day much troubled by aching muscles and joints. This was on my old TV as the new one is still footloose on the floor a waiting a mojo day for me assemble the stands.

I give thanks for managing a few useful activities nonetheless, and for some pleasure in with those as well. Personally I find distraction a very valuable tool when I'm suffering so it's no good getting bored just resting, and as movement at least redistributes the discomfort so pottering with crafts for short periods can help...though mysteriously washing the pots doesn't have quite the same effect! I do give thanks for making washing up making blondies this afternoon however, even more or less following a recipe (which is a challenge for rebels like me), but by switching to wholemeal flour and leaving out a heap of the sugar making something more to my taste. There's a huge psychological element to physical distress and a bit of nurturing goes down a treat even if you have to bake the cake and serve it to yourself!

I give thanks for meeting Mima earlier too on a mission mostly unaccomplished. For experiencing a cafe for the first time in many months...though I have to say it didn't feel right at all. For plenty of low cloud and drizzle to quieten down the tourists a little, and for a gaggle of geese having a bit of a party on the lawns instead. For realising there is a second series of Life on Mars to enjoy...and earlier this year there were even plans to make a third, though who knows if they will come to fruition now. Right time to redistribute that pain again. Nothing involving hands for a while - oops, no washing up again! I give thanks I've plenty of crockery...

Single

I'm usually grateful when the taxi company sends one of its executive cars to pick me up, partly because I do like the comfort of a quality vehicle and partly because you tend to get a better class of conversation from the drivers - although some could moonlight as handles for doors if you know what I mean! I'm extra grateful when these sleek and substantial motors glide to a halt beside the busy tourist spots and I catch the mystified glances when a solitary scruffy old woman with a rucksack climbs aboard! I told the unit matron about this while he was hooking me up to a machine this afternoon and he said they might think I was a famous writer heading to a book signing which I found a very pleasing figment of his imagination...  I give thanks there are several members of staff there who treat me as if I'm still a fully paid up member of the human race, it really improves the quality of my day.

I give thanks for noting, on behalf of those aforementioned rather damp spirited visitors, they've put umbrellas up over the outer tables at the new 'sports bar' along the way...and for noting what appeared to be a cake display unit in the cafe part inside. Come September, when hopefully I can get to it unscathed, I might take my sweet tooth there for a visit...it might as well rain until then as far as i'm concerned!

I give thanks for remembering, after another steamy night (but not in a good way!), that I bought an extra light single quilt for the spare room last year, and that there's absolutely no reason why I can't 'borrow' that when necessary...I look forward to being covered over but not over cooked. Oh and I give thanks for making some of my delicious individual savoury pastries for my tea. It always feels like a sociable and celebratory occasion when I have those - even if it's just me and it's not!

Grounded

Today's been a lot about fibromyalgia, and I've been very grateful I've not had to do much or go far or pretend to be chatty and cheerful. I give thanks for lots of rest and relaxation, plus as much craftiness as my soreness and fatigue would allow. For managing to get dressed and down the stairs in time to (slightly) help Julie get my new wallpaper and TV up the stairs, and for her help getting the latter out of the box where it was very firmly wedged in with polystyrene. That was enough effort for me for a feeble day so setting it up with have to wait for a more vigorous one. I'd also been waiting for someone to hold up the end of the 'shed' cupboard in the spare room so that I could position a piece of wood underneath to make it more or less horizontal despite the steeply sloping floor, so I was very grateful she obliged with that as well and I could start filling it up with tools and paint etc...maybe another day I'll finish that task too!

I give thanks for meals that have been more about construction than cooking, and for a discussion with Julie about the miraculous properties of fruit salad reminding me to construct some of that. Even the rather boring fruit encouraged on a renal diet becomes more appealing when chopped up and mixed! For the long awaited rain finally arriving in the late afternoon though without the also longed for thunder storm. For the freshened air and delightful smell of petrichor rising from the ground.

Tracked

I missed the dolphins yesterday (except on social media) as they failed to give me a heads up to have mine up when they were passing by close to shore, but I give thanks seeing men of a certain age thronging in vantage points along the track with cameras as the taxi home neared the end of its journey meant I knew to look out for a steam train when I arrived. A double header too - I hope they got some satisfying pics! Wonder if they were still around to catch the Chinook that flew the other way an hour or so afterwards...

I give thanks for having leftovers from two meals ready to devour while admiring the view...plus a well stocked biscuit tin.  I have always had ravenous days, and really not interested in food days, and today was definitely the former! For trying to be patient with the nurse who, as I was leaving, (late, as she was late taking me off the machine), wanted to discuss if I might be unwell as I weighed a pound or so less than a couple of weeks ago. She didn't seem to have thought of less clothes or lighter hot weather diet as the answer, and I'd be prepared to bet if the temperature drops and I turn up in jeans and a long sleeve top she'd wonder if I was retaining fluid. I wanted to be kind as I understand dialysis staff often have tunnel vision about this sort of thing, plus she comes from the other unit where they tend to assume patients are cerebally challenged as well as renally deficient, but I do get exasperated when people in blue uniforms forget that people without them might be quite bright too!

I give thanks my creative mojo was going full tilt this morning, with progress made on both ongoing projects and fresh ones that popped into my head. She seems to have skived off while I was out though, so I'm grateful none of them were important and I can plan an unproductive (rest of the) evening instead. I give thanks we haven't had horrible dangerous storms here...but one of the little ones the weather folk keep telling us are on the way would certainly go down a treat...

Mad

I have a constant craving and it might not be what you think. No, it's not that...nor that... nor even that funnily enough, haha! My yearning is for geographical novelty, for exploration and pastures new... Or at least pastures not seen for so long they seem fresh all over again. I give thanks for gradual taming of this need to wander, or I would go completely mad(der)...

In stages, due my own ill health and the current global health issues, I've set my sights on journeys and destinations increasingly closer closer to home so that basically I'm only getting to look at parts of the little town I live in...and I must admit sometimes I don't feel as grateful for this as I should do. To have the use of one's legs for for non essential forward motion, even if not every day, is something too easy to take for granted. I give thanks for having the use of mine for pleasurable purposes today, and for it being a day when stiffness and pain eased off from exercise, which doesn't always happen but you won't know unless you try. For trying to spot new things in familiar places, like this tree stump also having a silent scream... For how bright the red hot pokers have been burning this year. For listening to Loose Ends from the last one when the world seemed such a different place. For some Southern Fried Tofu Bites to try for my tea, and for recklessly ignoring 'not suitable for home freezing' again. That's about as wild as it gets these days folks!

Screened

I give thanks it was a good day at the office. The staff who remember me have been so welcoming and kind, and I've been enjoying catching up with some of them again. Sore and short of energy, and with a lot of neglected tasks to catch up on, I was quite grateful to have a few hours rest in the afternoon. For getting quite comfy in the chair and managing a little doze... For Jan recommending Life on Mars which we both missed on TV years ago and for how much I'm enjoying it. For the pleasure Netflix and a cheap tablet can bring to hospital days. I give thanks for Netflix choices on a bigger screen too when I get home and terrestrial offerings don't appeal. Oh and that I've finally bitten the bullet and ordered a bigger screen still. A larger living room and failing eyesight mean if we get a shot of a letter or a text on a phone I have to get up to read it, and that can be way too much effort sometimes... 

I give thanks I made a vegetable crumble this morning and it's heating up for my tea. For realising it's only three weeks until the schools are due to go back, and maybe the tourists will go home and life will be more peaceful again. If not maybe my new windows will arrive and I can shut their noisiness out. I never thought I'd miss the coach tours of the elderly but they were a lot easier on the ears than the rabble we have this year... I do give thanks they seem to be enjoying what's probably their substitute holiday though!

Soothing

I was grateful I could still walk today, though progress was slow and with much creaking and groaning, rather like an ancient ship under sail though not anything like as majestic! There were a few household tasks requiring attention, so I give thanks for doing the most urgent of those and then having a flop on the sand instead of the sofa. I didn't have the energy to paddle or even read a book, but it was soothing just to lie there absorbing the warmth into my sore bits. 

I give thanks for abandoning my usual compassionate cover up of ageing flesh and wearing a strappy top and shorts to get there without a removable dress over the top. I figured well, I'm pretending I'm on my hols and I've seen some sights to fry the eyes on tourists passing by - I doubt that I beat those but I can join them anyway! For the smell of beach barbecue sending me indoors before the sun's rays barbecued me... and a lovely chilled afternoon trying out new mosaic tools and materials with various degrees of impressedness and success, and no particular goal in mind so that it felt very pleasantly like a holiday from being a grown up. For fruit in vegan jelly with cream for dessert - not very grown up either, but a good substitute when you can't have ice cream every hot day. For treating myself to some handmade cocoa butter bath melts which I'm looking forward to trying out although their almost too pretty to use!

Holiday

Studies have shown* that all my ailments from A to...well...K can improve with exercise, and though often my body would disagree, my spirit never argues as long as I can get away from the madding crowds without too much physical exertion before the therapeutic bit starts. I give thanks for considerable success at this today, more walking than I've done for a long long time and much avoidance of crowds as well. I don't know where everyone else was but by good planning, helpful tide times and sheer good fortune somehow they weren't near me which was absolute bliss! I give thanks for a picnic on a hillside with stunning views, plus a splashy stroll through the edge of the sea with a nice ice cream and a long lie down in between. For temperatures which suit me very well, and for sympathy for those they don't of course... For the pretty plants I passed, plus fascinating insect life, for the sight of giant cruise ships in the bay and a small girl with a very large crab! 

I give thanks for abandoning all domestic chores to enhance the holiday feel, and make holiday type activities possible... except for washing the kitchen floor which had suffered far too much spillage to wait any longer. I give thanks for a clean kitchen floor as well, you understand! For a minimal effort vegan burger in a bun for tea, with salad and paracetamol on the side...and, though the aftermath of stiffness and pain has started, for enough memories of a contented staycation day to carry me through. 

*no citations here 

Cracking

I give thanks for cracking weather today - if you like it hot and sunny...and it's been hot and sunny where you are! I do, but I left home just as the heavy clouds were breaking up and light rain evaporating so can only be grateful on other people's behalf. I felt sorry for the tourists trying to find indoor things to do on when it was wetter, but this afternoon I've been envious instead...though by the sounds of things they've mostly been at the bar, which I would think a waste of summery weather. 

I give thanks for emergency road works in an already tight spot on my normal route so I was treated to two slightly different different ones. For the forest with old trees and new, and glimpses of stunning views in between...heather, and gorse and rose bay willowherb bringing favourite walks of younger days to mind. 

I give thanks for some guided meditation and Buddhist chants with my treatment, and watching part of Don't Crack Under Pressure, where daring and fit young chaps and chappesses ski and surf, free dive and glide in wingsuits unbelievably well in stunning scenery all around the world. 

I give thanks for being home, more or less fed and on my sofa. It's been a busy tiring week, I'm so grateful it's time for resting. 

Muddled

I give thanks for the start of the day, with the hours stretching out ahead of me feeling like a parcel to be unwrapped...and when the string got knotted for Donna's latest Yoga Nidra session untangling me again. For the cool drifty drizzly mist this morning and a hot spicy dhal for my tea! 

I give thanks for the surveyor coming to firm up the measurements for my new windows. For the the local health food store finally having my favourite toilet paper back in stock after all rolls were swiped off the shelves in March. For Sainsbury's bringing things I'm sure I took off my order, and even one item they told me they would remove as it was out of stock...but for the price still being right so I must have been confused when I made adjustments late last night. It will be no hardship to eat more conference pears and Plant Pioneer burgers than I thought I was going to that's for sure, but it's a shame their delicious garlic bread on special offer didn't make the cut! For the mosaic supply company sending me extra green instead of orange tiles which will delay rainbows for a while,but plenty more lovely stuff to play with in the meantime.

For progress on the reconstruction of the spare room after carpet laying and wallpaper hanging muddled everything up, and working on a plan for partial reconstruction of the living room now completion in there is delayed again. 

Human

I give thanks for feeling more human today. For an OK day at the office, although a rather late running one, and for two deliciously silent journeys to and fro. For the relative peacefulness of a murky summer's day at the seaside, the stormy clouds I could see on the way home, mistiness descending from the hills and the shivering leaves of a beech hedge. It actually seems a bit chilly this evening (though teenage girls are still walking around in minimal clothing of course) so I give thanks for more energy and some cosy making chores like ironing and cooking me to stop me from shivering too. For the last of my tasty pie and a hasty fruit crumble for afters...

I give thanks for spotting an article on the BBC news site about how much more TV and streaming people watched during lockdown, mostly because it used an image from NBC/Netflix offering The Good Place which I finally finished a few days ago, and am still savouring. It's a really unique series managing to be funny, surprising. informative and thought provoking often all in one short episode, while the final longer one moved me very deeply. If you have the slightest interest how to live or why sign up for a month and binge!

Remembered

I give thanks for remembering to be grateful when I felt grumpy about not having the energy to reorganise the spare room after Sam put the wallpaper up. To be fair, having the energy to begin was the actual problem as I ended up leaving it in a worse state than when I started...but even for a well person it would be a pretty privileged problem in so many ways, and I'm grateful for remembering to go easy on the entitlement pedal society encourages us to have firmly pressed to the floor! I am often blessed with far more get up and go than can reasonably be expected, and I maybe need the debilitating fatigue that descends at other times to remind me this is not a given.

Anyway, I give thanks for how fab the paper looks and how well it matches the carpet and paint even though it was bought last of all. For finding it and having the money to pay for it (via Gary who actually went to the shop) and for how we turned the handover into a lovely morning's outing (in those golden olden days of course!) 

I give thanks I was able to get out of bed and stay more or less upright while Sam was here and do quite strenuous things for a zombi day like change the bedding and even walk up the street and back - not something there's been much for a while. For queuing to go in the one charity shop that is open and finding an attractive basket and adorable jug to make it worth the wait. For going on a local Facebook site to see if there was someone who could change my excruciating kitchen tap washers and a helpful woman suggesting WD40 which I tried with good effect. Oh and for having Quorn pieces, broccoli and leeks, puff pastry and ingredients for non dairy sauce to make a delicious pie. So all in all, recalling these activities, being able only to lie on the sofa and watch TV is not really much to moan about is it?

Following

I give thanks for being home after again after a rather wearying day. For my blood pressure being normalish again after dropping too low for too long earlier. For a calm journey home with a quiet driver and the antlers of a stricken tree catching the late afternoon sun. For finding some odds and ends to eat for supper as I was too tired to cook this morning and, in retrospect, for this morning as that was the best part of the day! For my sofa and TV for now, and my bath and bed to follow. 

Grainy

My goodness I give thanks for discovering polenta chips! They are such a comforting carb - filling one's tum and the gap where potato fries would be if they weren't so full of potassium. Today I managed to get a perfect cutting consistently too after the cooked meal set.

I give thanks when I woke up too early I got up (after a while!) and bustled about with some jobs needing doing before Clive arrived. For the jobs he did while he was here...For making it to the cake shop to get us some treats despite feeling very achy and fatigued, and for a deliciously lazy afternoon on the sofa, snoozing and watching TV.

For finishing off my latest mosaic project. It's an easy craft but there is something new to learn with every piece I make - usually from beginner's errors. Today I found out the hard way you really must make sure there is no old grout on your mixing equipment or there can be grainy lumps in the new that scratch the tiles. Never mind, I give thanks for enjoying the journey and for appreciative noises and helpful offers from Clive and Jan.

Powerful

I missed the Starlink satellites, shooting stars and comet. I've missed all manner of boats as well...but last night when I went to close the spare room curtains, I was privileged to catch a display of luminescent marine life flashing under the sea. What a wonder to behold, and what a power of good it did me!

I've not had much in the way of energy today, so I give thanks for enough for what I wanted to do which wasn't much at all

For more tasty things to eat from the 'in case I feel cr*p after treatment' shelves in the cupboards and freezer. For a little work on some of the most ambitious mosaics I've attempted so far, practising some new skills... for also practising just lying aimlessly on the sofa, and getting back up to vertical again afterwards which seems especially difficult today! 

For trying not to be censorious of the antics going on outside, though when the commonplace racers crossing the bay swapped their jetskis for RIBs I did wonder for a minute if it was a military invasion! I give thanks the chip garden has been opened up again - the lower part of the park nearest to me...and the chip shop. This gives folk more room to mill about, and sometimes when they're not I sit there myself a while...