Parisian

La la la la...where was I? Oh yes, la la la la... I give thanks for still feeling the effects of yesterday's gong bath and that they include plenty of energy, particularly creative energy but also the sort that had me changing light bulbs (including cleaning the fittings!) and giving the freezers drawers a sort out and spruce up ready for an influx of Sainsbury's frozen fare.

I give thanks the delivery came a little early I was home a lot late and famished. Also that the missed random mobile call during journey was the driver trying to come even earlier and not some panic message from the hospital regarding my fistula flow which has everyone in a bother again. For making it quite clear if I needed to see a surgeon it wouldn't be tonight unless he came to my place as I was in considerable need of my tea! 

I give thanks for the unusual taxi driver who admires the quality of light and thinks there are as many different truths as there are people on the planet. Don't get many of those! 

I give thanks it's not raining in Paris (and that I'm old enough to remember that meaning something else! For floodlights and a huge plate of assorted spicy food. 

Reverberating

I give thanks for ​unusually transparent train windows and white swans gliding on the wide and glassy estuary. On the way back it was unicorns in a golden carriage pulled by a dolphin pod...well...almost...as I'd had a heavy dose of my drug of choice and it's a very long time since I had a fix! I give thanks for staying awake for some of the awesome noises the gongs make and, when it was koshi chime time, for thinking (as I always do) that their sound is like having my mind tickled - it never fails to give me a burst of joy. And for then thinking (as I never have before) that I really should treat myself to one as soon as the session ended as Sally always has a few spare to sell. I give thanks for heavily investing in my delight and for the further delight to come. I give thanks I think that's my gratitudes done for today as typing seems even harder to do right than usual and there were an unusual amount of think hard about the answer messages waiting when I reconnected to the so called real world... For my dinner pre-prepared and cooking itself in the oven.

Different

I give thanks the renal dietician is happy with the contents of my blood. Not so grateful the fistula nurse is displeased with the speed it's going round. It needs to be going through the machine quickly enough to get properly clean, so I can see what she means...but of more concern to me was her dismissal of the opinions and methods of the new surgeon I saw earlier this month. He doesn't do things like us, she said, in a way that made it clear she meant he did it wrong and she knew better...but is that really the case or is it just that there actually are other perfectly acceptable (maybe even better?) ways of approaching dialysis patient care? I would feel more confident if everyone agreed, even if I didn't like what they agreed on but hey ho, nowt I can do about it but carry on defying various kinds of odds as best I can.

I give thanks for the therapeutic effects of mosaic making, tennis and red lentil dal! Oh and for a strange but utterly delicious cookie like concoction I thought up during the afternoon and tried out while sorting out the rice and veg and poppadoms. For having lots of energy and almost no pain today which would have been more fun yesterday but has been very welcome nonetheless. 

Verdant

I give thanks for Paris matches, and I don't mean magazines! Not seen anything particularly riveting but today has been a lot about fibromyalgia and flopping in front of the TV screen has had considerable appeal, so I give thanks for abandoning this to grunt and groan through various outstanding tasks on the to do list...now and then!

I give thanks for outstanding weather too, and that I'd already arranged to meet Mima to hunt for viable pine cones in the prettiest nearby park, or I'd have remained firmly parked on the sofa in my dressing gown in between those little bouts of useful activity. For the delicious freshly made apple cake she brought, and for her kindly braving the queue for tea...and then to get more milk for mine. For cooking polenta earlier to bake into chips for my supper in a min. For the pretty sky this evening, and the sight of a colourful local(ish) pleasure boat taking a trip out to see the cruise ships up close...which turned me a shade of envious green. 

Inferior

I gave thanks for the string of racing yachts earlier highlighting the size of the behemoths in the bay. For the sea wall open again and the dark clothed figures highlighting the drop in temperature despite blue sky and bright sunshine. For this reminding me to put a down jacket on...though I wish I'd remembered a scarf for a forced march around a long block which I was sure would be good for physical and mental health though it didn't feel that way at all!

I give thanks for tasty food, easy to prepare and cook. For managing some of the nonetheless mysteriously constantly growing pile of washing up... For accepting I was too tired and achy and muddle headed to be productive or enjoyably engaged in much today. For a nice nap...and starting The Gendered Brain which so far is listing all the futile historical attempts to 'scientifically' prove the inherent differences - and inherent inferiority of the female sort, of course. I thought this sign of the masculine inferiority complex died out with phrenology but it was still alive and demonstrating comprehension of the off side rule when MRI scanners came in. Quelle Horreur!

I give thanks tomorrow Roland Garros begins...and will be televised on terrestrial UK TV. Don't care who's playing, don't care who wins, just want to be getting a belated abbreviated tennis fix! 

Closed

I give thanks I have my phone in my hand as I start to write this. I left it behind when exiting the unit today and was searching through my rucksack for it when Lesley, - who'd just been saying she used to be athletic, came hurtling down the corridor with it. I've not had her put me on the machine for many a month and she deserves a mention in the gratitude files for being so gentle with the needles I didn't actually feel the first one go in at all! She also made me a fresh cup of tea when traffic delays meant I was a bit late for the trolley round. Clive deserves a special mention too for going back down to his car when to fetch the phone when I left it there as well (doh!) ... oh and for giving me a lift home from the hospital as he'd a little shelf he'd made to my specs to deliver and a couple of other quick jobs he'd said he'd do. How lucky I am to have a handy handyman I don't have to actually share a home with! 

I was wary about going in a non-taxi car, illogical though that might be, but he was very good and wore a mask while I sat in the back just like in a cab. He was also (unlike a cab) amenable to rebelliously driving down the prettiest lane that is meant to be access only now. It has some fabulous views and some fabulous properties the owners of which, one suspects, prefer not to have us commoners spoiling their privileged vistas... But there is also a favoured railway suicide spot down there so who knows, and as a mutual acquaintance of ours took his life down there when the road was still open we felt justified in taking a detour to pay our respects...and take in the scenery at the same time. 

I give thanks for the gradually turning leaves blowing in the wind today with their characteristic crisping rustle. For a busy morning before I left so a relaxed evening and start to the weekend can follow. For a pan of leftovers waiting to be heated up. For the bright moon half moon reflected on the dark water, and twinkling cruise ship lights. 

Midsummer

I give thanks for being busy in small ways today, including going a small way in a big autumnal breeze with a package to be posted! For managing to get the dustbins in on my way back and for some brackets arriving which is very good timing as Clive is bringing his drill round tomorrow evening.

For enjoying the sunshine and showers from indoors, the ever changing sea and sky and a new cruise ship on the horizon. For slowing down and curling up for a mini snooze under a blanket while rain pattered on the window making an extra cosy feeling as an ancient murder spree raged in Midsomer County!

Weighty

The golden light on the cruise ships was very pretty tonight, plus the airbrushed sunset at the end of a showery day. I give thanks for the view from my window, and as the evenings are getting chillier I give thanks for my windows too! For an OK day at the office despite feeling rather hard done by that it was just a day at the office with no little side excursion added on as I've had the last couple of hospital days. For a nurse telling me I always seem calm and a driver that I always seem positive - it's great to have endorsement for my dormant acting skills!

I give thanks for taking time to mostly make my dinner before leaving earlier. The renal consultant visited me earlier (I didn't recognise her at first in mask and scrubs!) but I was grateful she gave me a thumbs up for fluid retention (my valiant kidney is finally giving up) and also authorising a slight increase in 'target weight' so I don't have to ration my food intake as well. Think I'll be having an extra Yorkshire pudding with my savoury Sainsbury's veggie mince! 

I was also delighted to encounter in passing the now greying but still dapper splendid chap who was my urology surgeon. How are you? He asked. I'm still here I replied. You always say that, he said, You'll be still here after I'm gone!

I give thanks last night's Yoga Nidra was designed to energise and it really did seem to do so. Twenty four hours later I still feel so much better than I did twenty four hours before that.

Equinoctial*

I give thanks for friends' Facebook posts reminding me it is the autumn equinox, for mentioning that to Jan and she reminding me of the stunning crescent moon last night  which, despite being mostly horizontal, I managed to briefly appreciate when drawing the curtains closed!

It's the time of year when older couples tend to take their South West breaks and I give thanks for some of the men reminding me being single in later life can have its compensations... Oh and for some of the dogs I over hear reminding me not all pet sounds have good vibrations! I give thanks for the way musical references creep into my blog posts almost without me realising. I should do a 'Spot the...' competition at the end of the week and see if readers find more than me! 

I give thanks for the autumnal turn to the weather meaning Jo suggested postponing our proposed garden lunch. I was looking forward to seeing her, but in much need of as much of a rest as possible given mounds of washing up and laundry plus some enticing new mosaic materials arriving. I'm very grateful for all enjoyable activity I've squeezed in lately but a slow paced home based day has been extremely welcome. For a long soak with a forensic pathologist's memoirs and a yoga nidra session next on the what I'd like to do list rather than the one with the shorter title... 

* Did you just learn a new word? Yep, me too and we won't get a chance to use it again for months! 

Wakeful

I could contentedly watch a boat wake for hours, so I give thanks for finding a way to have fifteen minutes of its pleasure today. For more warm sunshine, and the beautiful coast and countryside around here. For another ingenious attempt to bring a sense of holiday to a hospital day before autumn gets a grip. And for a gentle nudge to the CCG about my stalled patient held transport budget which will mean negotiations are just between myself and providers and requests to make changes (like this morning's ignored call morning's call to cancel) don't sink in quicksands of bureaucracy!

I give thanks for an enjoyable morning with a surprising and useful amount of energy, and for my extended scenic route to the unit including buying granary bread from a favourite baker, and finding a quiet seat to eat lunch near an ex residence of mine in a leafy city backwater ironically very close to the hospital.

I give thanks for nothing on the agenda for the evening but a bath and back to bed where I've been lying since I got home. Treatment today didn't agree with the machine which kept beeping and stalled several attempts at a nap, nor my body which feels all out of sorts and achy. I give thanks for something nice to do tomorrow afternoon after a hopefully restorative mega rest. 

Beached

I give thanks today went rather swimmingly and I finally got my dip! For the wonders of neoprene as, though the water was really astonishingly warm, the extra layer gave me extra confidence about both my appearance and my body temperature. For Lidl for supplying my budget wetsuit several years ago and for being approximately still the shape! And for finally acquiring some aqua shoes that fit, aren't florescent and didn't cost silly money...

I give thanks for Clive popping over for a spot of quick quantity surveying before taking a full lunch box to a pleasingly empty  beach and basking there for a while before grabbing some essentials from the Co op and a few minutes essential snooze! I'm grateful I managed to grout a few tiles and for being pleased with the results! Also for putting together a curry from ready made paste and veg prepared yesterday before going back across the road for the aforementioned late afternoon short splash and swim, as I can hardly keep my eyes open now I'm showered and clean and dry!

Vacant

Despairing of finding a way I could get away somewhere for a day or two, I give thanks for deciding to stay in the spare room for the weekend! It's a lovely cosy little space despite being rather cluttered with items currently stored there that need to be somewhere else as well, delightfully 'hushed' by the new windows plus I find the fold out chair bed really very comfy...so pleasant even if not much of a change of scene. I give thanks for planning to have a totally idle and unproductive day...and I guess also that that it didn't actually work out that way as I was grateful the food I made was tasty, and the washing up and ironing got done done, and that although it's not been like a vacation I've been pretty vacant, drifting through the hours at a most unhurried pace. I give thanks for some pootling with mosaic tiles, and some tile shopping as many of my ideas seem to be missing some parts of the intended design. For Ann generously rewarding me for a little bird I made for her...

The commitments of dialysis were always going to make taking holidays hard, and then there was Brexit damaging the reciprocal treatment agreement, the recurrence of cancer pushing insurance premiums sky high...oh,and Covid, of course, I don't have to explain the complications of that now do I? There are folk who have suggested I've been away 'enough' which I find a curious and rather condescending attitude, as all of the above makes me - just like most of you - long for a break in routine and respite from responsibilities, and somewhere between total abstinence and addiction lies our own personal sweet spot where levels of pleasure are concerned. Some get a kick from champagne...but mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all, it's pastures new for me! I give thanks for all the little ways I try to enliven my days (and nights) with what novelty and variety I can.

  

Unfettered

I give thanks for escaping for an hour or so this morning, cancelling my hospital transport and leaving Sam the wallpaper man at his work to take a bus to a coffee van in a car park en route with a nice lightly wooded area of green beside it. I enjoyed that such a lot in the sunshine and brisk breeze, strands of airborne geese joining into skeins and cheery cyclists whizzing by. A couple of times I even thought heard a curlew but maybe that was someone's phone ring tone! For the scenic top deck onward journey with Buddhist chants in my ears instead of the voices of mansplainers, and a heron and egret playing statues by the bridge.

For that rarity that is a taxi driver on a similar page to me albeit in a very different book - he was younger, Asian and had a background in finance! That's the second time this year I've wished the journey could go on longer for the pleasure of the company, which is not a great percentage and hence why I'm so keen on the occasional 'solitary' bus journey instead.

I'm grateful he drove a people carrier so I was able to enjoy the view some more, including the Queen Mary back where I can admire her and some big bouncy waves crashing into each other and the wall with plumes of spray. Also I was so enthralled by our putting the world to rights I forgot I would walk into a living room with the last of the old internal walls finally covered even if only with lining paper. What a difference not seeing those many blobs of sanded filler I created over the past many months! I also give thanks that after a couple of weeks of having a lot of commitments and essential chores I have two whole days to do whatever I want. What bliss! Plan A was a bath and a book but that wave display is worthy of some more of my attention first...

Wanting

I give thanks for learning about 'miswanting' on the Yale Science of Wellbeing course. The human brain has a great capacity for error where predicting future feelings are concerned and we are often drawn to choices that don't produce the pleasure we imagined they might. I was grateful to discover I'd already acquired some healthy aspirational habits...but knowing what will make you feel good and knowing how to get it are not the same thing, and today there was a considerable mismatch between my desires and my opportunities. So much needing to be done, so much I'd rather be doing and not enough time for both so I ended up feeling unreasonably hard done by (as we fortunate first world people often do) and, with my brain full of resentment instead of concentration not making much progress on either set of projects and tasks. 

I give thanks for remembering in the grand scheme of things this didn't really matter, giving up and taking a picnic lunch down to the beach instead...oh, and for the beach being so close by of course! One of the activities I craved was a swim but the sea conditions, though bracing to look, were not really safe for that - the kind of undertow that will take you out at ankle height, never mind out of your depth. I give thanks for losing my footing paddling however as I got the dip I'd been wanting all along! For a lot of additional absolutely nothing, not even reading or listening to music, just lying still on the sand in the sunshine recharging my batteries a bit.

I give thanks for Julie collecting a clicked grocery order and an enjoyable catch up chat. Now, which of the things I should have got done should I head off to next? 

Heated

I give thanks I'm on the sofa - it's been another long and busy day! For making a fair start over several sessions this week in getting furniture and possessions moved ready for lining paper going up in the living room on Friday, though the bulk of it had to wait until the windows were in and so, in between hospital trips yesterday and today, that's mostly all I've done. 

I give thanks for imagining, during a clammy afternoon on the unit, that I might have at least a paddle when I got home, even though I knew the tide would be at its highest. Due to this, plus sections of wall out of bounds again, there was however only a small point of possible entry to the water and that was occupied by a large group of boisterous pre-teen boys. I give thanks for living somewhere where kids can enjoy such simple healthy pleasures, and for using my time and energy to do some more lifting and shifting instead. For my lovely new shower to cool and clean off with when I'd done, and got the big pan of stew I made last night out of various odds and ends just ready to be heated up. 

Off

I give thanks for days off, though today was more of an off day on! For waking up before my alarm was due to go off for an early (for me) start, and then waking up again not too late when it just tiptoed past the set time without ringing as it tends to do these days. For resolving (once again) to find the property where the dog barks for hours on end so I can report it. Whenever I go down the street by name alley by nature to listen it puts its paws over its mouth and holds its breath I swear, and I just get strange looks from the folks smoking outside the pub while I hover hopefully waiting. As I was confined to the back of the flat for most of the day while new windows went in at the front I was very grateful for the 'old' new ones at the back plus earplug/buds though I could still hear it yapping away in the background and, at intervals, its canine neighbours joining in so it sounded rather like a kennels. 

Most of the rest of the day was earmarked for a trip back to the city for a scan, and as the window fitting ran way over the predicted time and there wasn't the gap for pleasurable activities I'd planned I was grateful there was neither the weather nor the energy for those anyway. In the end I had to take off and leave the fitter behind still fitting! 

I give thanks for the adventure of making my own way to the hospital and back as this appointment wasn't eligible for provided transport. I'd been wondering about restarting the progress for holding my own budget for the journeys that are, and how the sense of risk (as considerable a factor as actual risk), relative inconvenience and slowness of public transport would compare. Absolute hands down winner for many trips I would say, with wonderful views, my own choice of what goes into my ears and on in my head plus the incalculable value of a small sense of independence! Felt like extra me time rather than extra hospital time... 

I give thanks for being exceedingly pleased with the new windows when I got home! 

Official

I give thanks for being home with a quick and easy supper cooking. It's been a busy start to a busy week and it wasn't the easiest of days at the office. I give thanks the fire alarm was a false alarm, and for being in a side room with a closed door and open window so it didn't seem as loud as it might have done. 

For one of the perks of renal insufficiency in this time and place being frequent rides in swish Mercedes. For managing to be outside for a little of the glorious sunshine earlier on, and for this pretty cloud formation this evening. 

Cleansing

I give thanks for enjoying a session of yoga nidra last night, though eating supper afterwards I discovered the cleansing water we were guided to imagine flowing through out bodies had taken half a tooth with it! The other half was already long gone so I just have a(nother) charming little stump of filling...I give thanks no one is likely to kiss me ever again!

I give thanks for finally getting round to showering with my new appliance rather than just admiring it while I lie in the bath... Oh and for being very satisfied with it, and the riser too that is easy to adjust without being hit on the head!

I had set myself an usual challenge when I emerged - to see if I can still get into wetsuit! It's not that my shape or size has changed - it's always been a challenge lacking the necessary firm grip to haul on tight neoprene. I was very pleased with myself when I succeeded...and also that when I checked in the mirror I didn't mind if other people saw what I saw, but the rhythms of the tides and my energy put paid to actually going for a dip. I give thanks for hoping maybe I will later in the week. I hate to think I'll never swim again... 

I found it too busy and too breezy out to be comfortable even to sit reading a book outdoors in the sunshine, but I'm grateful it warmed up the water as just now I went for a quick paddle and was surprised how warm it seemed - up to ankle depth anyhow! 

. 

Co-operative

I give thanks for a good day off, with little in the way of domestic duties and lots of experimenting with tiles. For meeting Mima for coffee and cake down at the cove which, as the sun had yet to break through the clouds, was roomy and rather peaceful. I love seeing different sorts of maritime craft together so enjoyed seeing the refreshed rowers getting ready to head back along the coast with cruise ships in the background. For having this loveliness not too many steps from my doorstep... and for my joints being co-operative in getting me there. 

For a delicious late and lazy lunch of plant burger in a caramelised onion ciabatta roll with luxury coleslaw - all from the Co-op round the corner - plus home grown lettuce from the spare room! For an old QI I'd not seen before including a description of quantum entanglement, the thought of which always causes a pleasant tinglement in my brain. For drifting off into a nap and it not mattering... 

Unsafe

Oh the curse of safe places eh - those nooks you tuck things into thinking you'll stop them getting damaged or going astray but where they promptly disappear into another dimension... This morning I searched literally high and low for the spot I'd put a pair of brackets but they refused to be found, and I wasn't even a little bit grateful for the wasted time...except that two of the things I had meant to do with it - send an email and make a phone call chasing stuff - didn't need doing in the end as while I was on my wild goose chase the parties I had been going to try to contact rang me instead. I give thanks next week I should have my new front windows and next month, all being well, my home help again....oh and some replacement brackets from Ebay in a few days!

I give thanks for making it to the Co-op before hospital as I was late home and it's very chilly and I really wouldn't have wanted to go out again. For the woman on the till shouting to the people in the queue behind me to maintain social distance which I greatly appreciated as they kept shuffling forward behind me so there were no gaps at all.

For surviving the mild horror of a journey where the taxi driver kept his window open so he could keep throwing his gum out of it and, apart from this manoeuvre, kept one hand on his e-cigarette thingy (terminology I'm proud not to know!) throughout. Driver on the way home insisted on both his front windows open so I'm grateful I took a light hat and scarf, though a jacket as well would have been better. I'm sure they'd say it was for Covid safety but dread the winter night journeys if they carry on like this...

I give thanks it's the weekend. For some quick supper ready to eat. For my new kitchen tap making washing up so much easier...though not any more appealing unfortunately!

Uneventful

If you have cancer that reasserts itself there can be hints about not doing something well enough or doing something wrong. Modern Western medicine can be too glib about 'never events' and patients having failure of this or that, whilst alternatives are equally pressurising in their own way with heavy doses of faith required along with miracle cure so the discourses of defectiveness I deal with every day can be debilitating in themselves. I give thanks for friends and family members who still treat me as if I'm fully human. For September 10th coming round again to remind me being here twelve years after a diagnosis of metastatic cancer is quite a success as far as failure goes! For memories of some of the rather special ways I have marked this day in the past.

Nothing really in the way of celebratory commemoration today, just some mixed emotions and a quiet pat on my own back, but I give thanks for staying awake after a poor night's sleep and an early start ready for a plumber to come and fit my new shower, bathroom basin waste and kitchen tap. These should not only add to speedy saleability of the property when I become a never event, but also enhance my remaining life in the meantime and I'm grateful for them all...but most especially the tap as so far it's the one I've had most occasion to use and appreciate. I can turn it on and off without artificial assistance and/or pain and it neither drips in the sink nor leaks underneath! 

Recurrent

I give thanks for a deliciously restorative acupuncture treatment last night. I feel so much better in so many ways since that! For the pleasure of Rachel's company too and for her very kindly giving my oven a super clean while the needles sorted me out.

I give thanks for an OK day at the office, if rather over long. For not too much trouble with needles there, and for a lot of laughs with a favourite nurse at home time. For leftover Quorn and vegetable crumble to quickly reheat as I was ravenously hungry when I finally arrived. For sprouting broccoli on the side...with butter...oh yum!

For catching up with the first episode of Louis Theroux's retrospective while I munched. A recurrent theme of today's conversations in real life and on line has been the widely (and sometimes wildly!) different versions of 'right' and 'true' there seem to be, and it fitted in very well with my own musings on this. It can be hard to understand why others 'believe' stuff when we 'know' something else is real but the intellectual high ground is often only shifting sand...

Serene

You've heard of negative equity, I'm sure, well I'm in negative energy just now with limited physical vigour and even less emotional oomph, so I give thanks for a morning in bed turning down my mind with a book and an afternoon mostly admiring the infinite blue of the sky and sea. For the little waves that look like dolphins even though you know they're not, for the plane that sounds like a Spitfire and it is. For the exquisite miniature beauty of lobelia flowers and for sunshine on my skin. None of these altered my mood much or for long but that wasn't the idea, as I'm wary of trying to fix the way you feel rather than just trying to be present with it and understand what's going on. There may be situations you can change, or stuff you need to get serene about...but until you've given them proper attention how are you going to know? 

I give thanks for the pretty sunset light the last couple of evenings. For the unexpected summery day. For going outdoors and not on the way to hospital

Brief

It's not that I'm not grateful I live in a time and place where I'm kept alive, but sometimes I wake up and the upcoming potential trials of treatment and transport really do not appeal! Since opportunities for mini escapes between hospital days have become harder to find this seems to happen more often, so I was grateful when wondering whether to go to the Co op before I set off today I decided I definitely should... and go to the beach for a few minutes first. 

I gave thanks the beach is only a short way away as I was still tired and sore. That the the mild bright start to the day hadn't faded to the clouds and rain that followed, and it was neither too breezy nor too peoply for my tastes. For the warmth of the sunshine, the sparkles on the water and the wagtails wagging on the sand... for a few minutes of holiday feeling.

I give thanks the Co-op wasn't too busy, and as it's been a long day due to various delays I'm really grateful the shopping I wanted was on my shelves not theirs when I got home and including their last but one pint of semi skimmed! 

Devilish

I give thanks it's been a great weekend to have a nasty arthritic flare up, especially in one of my knees, as this has encouraged me not only not to go out but to limit changes of position, in particular the particularly painful standing up from sitting down! I give thanks for some productive and pleasant sedentary hours finishing off some mosaic pieces and sewing jobs, eating yummy food and catching up with stuff on TV and Netflix. For Devil's Claw cream. For the world outside my window not seeming too enticing with sharp showers and some very cross sounding dogs and children. For the culinary wonder that is Quorn. 

Previous

In byegone days, pre all kinds of restricting factors, this was the time of year I liked to take a little holiday and I give thanks for many memories flooding back with or without the aid of Facebook...though I must admit there is some wistfulness involved as well! I give thanks for managing to walk around the block late this afternoon. That's as good as I could hope for today... 

I've been repeatedly grateful for my pre-planning for this weekend, so that there's been no arduous chores or tasks requiring my attention and I've been able to get the restorative rest required, occasionally dabbling in gentle pastimes like reading, watching TV and more experiments with mosaic. For the food I had ready to cook or simply to serve including those trusty favourites garlic bread, hummus, coleslaw and kalamata olives - none of which I'd even heard of for at least the first third of my life, and which I'm extremely grateful eventually made themselves known to me!

For some very necessary solitude after seven hours plus of enforced interaction yesterday with a dozen or so assorted folk, mostly strangers. For the flower on my peace lily meeting my nose every time I open or close my bedroom blind so I can't overlook it's sweet but subtle fragrance. 

Dodgy

I'm a sucker for a soak and I'm pleased to report my new bath foam was exceedingly fit for purpose last night despite being not the intended market. Having checked the fine print ingredients I could spot no substance likely to be injurious to the female form or psyche, nor indeed enhancing to the male, and can only conclude the darker colours in the packaging, inclusion of sandalwood traditionally used in 'aftershaves' plus connotations of extra masculinity in the use of the plural pronoun are what sets it apart from similar products in the range. I've been perplexed by this kind of gender specificity since I was a wee small...well, person...and I'm grateful there have been developments in the ensuing years even if this is not an example... Coincidentally came across this this morning...just wow! 

https://www.boredpanda.com/womans-pink-ladies-car-1955-dodge-la-femme/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=BPFacebook&fbclid=IwAR2S6508E-WcTWtlElfXnusqWhOJVRiatow3kudj7cZFsbI9FU2NOoakoQM

I give thanks I've had plenty of time to write my blog during my long treatment day, as all departments are running late and I haven't even started stage 2! I give thanks for earphones - it's been very noisy everywhere. For bringing a book though I'm down to the last few pages...eek! Um...I give thanks for the NHS

Majestic

I give thanks for feeling more human today than I've done for quite a while! I'd been beginning to wonder if that would ever happen again, and as I've been given the go ahead for my cancer treatment after dialysis tomorrow and am likely to be all of a flop for a few days after, it has come in very handy! I've been grateful for being able to catch up with domestic and DIY chores, shop for essentials and make favourite foods to tempt me if I'm feeling bleurgh...and all with remarkably little discomfort or pain. 

I give thanks for the local charity that helps homeless and others in need finally managing to send someone to collect my surplus, perfectly serviceable TV. They seemed surprised (as well as grateful) someone would think to donate something like that which I find mystifying. Maybe it helps I know more about what it's like to be near the bottom of the heap than a lot of folk who probably have a lot more to spare... I was also delighted the nearest charity shop to me is open again and receiving donations as if they are appreciated rather than with a sigh, a roll of the eyes and a long list of dos and don'ts as is the case with some of the others just now. For a holdall full of all sorts delivered, and more surprise that the holdall was gifted too... For a slight detour to remove my mask and bury my nose in honeysuckle tumbling over a cafe wall...one of my favourite flowers and fragrances. 

For an improved range of fruit and veg in our local Co-op in recent months - - I don't mean improved since lockdown, I mean better than it's ever been! Also for particularly delightful staff at Boots here. I loved the formerly independent pharmacy I used to use before I moved and it's great to have a  pleasant replacement.

For the majestic Queen Mary II gracing our waters with her gracious lines. Makes the newer style cruise ships moored nearby look as if they were modelled on walking boots! 

Autumnal

I give thanks the weather forecast suggests we might have a bit more summer next week as I might have a bit of time for some! For noticing the autumn colours coming in the trees and trying not to dread the winter. For trying not to get too worked up about more muddles and messiness around today. I'm sure no one is doing it deliberately to annoy me, it's just one of those rather challenging times in life when there's a lot of stuff not going according to arrangements and plans...

I give thanks for a lovely member of staff I've not seen for a long time attending to me today. For some quick food to eat when I got home to keep me going until I can make some more...my autumnal appetite is on its way too and it's the kind of murky evening just right for starting building up a layer of bodily insulation! For some new grout to try that's much cheaper than the type I've been using, and lots of ideas for arrangements of tiles too for it to squeeze between, hopefully satisfactorily...if I can manage to squeeze some of that into tomorrow's schedule! For not having to go to hospital tomorrow (as far as I know anyhow!) though I have phone triage and, if that goes OK, a debate about how to fit two treatments in on Friday. 

Critical

I met a charming Dutch man today. We exchanged a few pleasantries and he briefly laid his hand on my arm... and that was the extent of my 'urgent' access surgery appointment, following not even seeing the chap on my 'emergency' one last week. I give thanks for his reassurance he had no plans to fix what didn't seem to be broken and for his apology for over zealous members of the team summoning me unnecessarily when he could see from my notes I already had 'a lot going on' *. I expressed relief that this was one less thing to stress over and went to see how messed up the return journey would be after the one into the city was so late they turned up to take me home before I'd even arrived! I give thanks I'd taken my mp3 player as the driver was the one who refuses point blank to turn off Radio 2's Let's Talk About Me phone-in show or whatever it's really called, and after oncology calling to see if I was expecting my immunotherapy at 5pm on Friday (Me: Er...yes, that's the appointment I was given unless you know any different? Them: No, no, we're just checking!) my faith in the workings of the NHS had taken quite a plummet, and some soothing tunes came in handy... 

I give thanks it's as if a switch was flipped last overnight and the ratio of visitors to locals is no longer critical, it's much less busy everywhere and the tourists who are still round are much quieter! I'd been holding out for a change but hadn't expected one so dramatic, and with the return of the warm sunshine I crave I did struggle to be grateful for this morning's extended goose chase...but I do give thanks while typing that I remembered the fox ambling around the hospital grounds! 

For cooking a plant burger and toasting a ciabatta bun when I got home while I changed into shorter leggings and scruffier shoes to take my lunch down to the cove. I've been feeling like someone who has a lot going on the last couple of weeks and though it was an effort to get there and back it was precious to have some quality in among all the drudgery and drama of keeping the quantity up. 

* euphemistic medical phrase meaning you're f*cked