Hazy

I give thanks for giving my arm even more of a rest today - life with less of the whimper making attacks of pain is far more pleasant. For attacking the morning chores despite another wakeful uncomfortable night, getting some laundry done, getting dressed and making a sandwich for my afternoon at the unit, though with decreasing speed and increasingly frequent returns to bed for recuperation. For gradually coming to the decision that though clean blood might improve the way I felt , travelling for the procedure would not, and anyway removing fluid and toxins is less urgently required if you're either not introducing them to your system or they're not sticking around for long when you do. For falling fast asleep for a couple of hours after leaving a message explaining my absence, waking only briefly to answer the phone with their reply. For feeling better for that and for the very gentle afternoon and early evening that's followed. For it being bin day tomorrow so I had to get dressed again eventually to take the rubbish and recycling out, and for a bit of sunshine breaking through the haze when I did to tempt me to walk around the smallest block. I give thanks we've not had the bright heatwave others have as this also these days seems to mean less crowds and noise and litter. 

 

Chilling

I give thanks for feeling considerably better at half past four this afternoon than I did at half past four this morning when I awoke shivery and nauseous and generally out of sorts.  For Clive arranging my kitchen delivery for considerably later in the morning than it might have been so I had plenty of time to get dressed and vaguely mobile, though I still stayed mostly in bed. For the chaps making a tidy job of stacking the units and being polite and friendly too.

I give thanks not being up to much generally was specifically good for recuperation of my shoulder. For being more successful with washing up than yesterday when trying not to move my arm too vigorously meant several items were up for a scrub again without being used in between!  I give thanks not having much of an appetite means not much in the way of cooking nor creating extra dirty dishes and pans. For trying to remain unmoved by various abandoned tasks around me and devote myself to chilling. 

I give thanks for forcing myself outdoors to enjoy the sunshine although I didn't personally find it particularly warm and the sight of bare arms, legs and feet made me feel even chillier! New leaves, blossom and cygnets were heartwarming though.

Diverting

I give thanks for the wonderful weather for the first day of expanding freedom for many. I'm supposed to be shielding still until Thursday, so I was delighted to find an empty seat among the happy minglers, shielded from the fresh cool breeze, to pause on and enjoy the sun on my way to the shop for a no stir tea! My shoulder was very sore last night and I was most grateful to wake up with no pain...until I started moving. For trying to be as gentle with it as I can given the lameness of my left side, and for managing to adopt a fairly comfy position for dialysis so the discomfort could calm down during treatment.

I give thanks for a good afternoon with lots of snoozing - I think it's my over active fistula making me so tired - some Netflix and a tasty packed snack. For a new appointment to see a surgeon about the above, and word from Clive that my new kitchen units won't be arriving until a civilised time tomorrow.

Most of all I give thanks for an unexpected road closure as we left the city meaning a drive over the forested hills, bright with gorse and golden light and enchanting to my civilisation overloaded eyes. We had to come back down the kind of narrow winding lane my taxi driver hates and I adore. I did feel for him (honest!)...now and then...in between numerous exclamations of appreciation! 

Dastardly

I give thanks there's been little sign of the rumoured impending heatwave yet, with thick cloud and a stiff breeze most of the day keeping the crowds at bay. For finally making myself presentable and getting out there for a bit of a walk around the park. This was partly to check out the cygnet spotting and takeaway opportunities for Mima coming to town next week, and partly to remind myself minor injury and dastardly illness notwithstanding I don't actually need to lounge around every spare moment I get! For plenty of lounging around nonetheless, but also getting on with both regular and extracurricular tasks in the kitchen. For times of less excruciating pain

I give thanks my favourite risotto recipe requires little stirring. For starting one so I'll finish, and for the way that Sainsbury's lets you know what will be missing from your order before it arrives, so I know a key ingredient is on its way. For catching up with some true crime documentaries including one on John Warboys. Few things get me  riled up as much as when the police go beyond mere ineptitude to use the full force of their institutionalised misogyny to ensure crimes against women remain uninvestigated and thus unsolved for as long as they can get away with it, let alone the perpetrators! I give thanks for the almost accidental eventual arrests in cases such as these. 

Unseen

Didn't make it to dressed today but that's OK, I was very grateful I didn't have to! On top of an averagely bad time with fatigue and pain my shoulder has been mostly very sore, and there were things I'd rather do to make it worse than struggling into clothes and sorting out my hair! One of them was making sauce for a splendid Quorn chicken and veg pie but my goodness that stirring was a trial. I give thanks the results were worth the hurt, though I did have to go back to bed to recover before cooking and eating it. 

I've decided I have sciatica of the arm, so clearly I haven't googled it! It's a rather similar sort of pain though, pretty relentless despite varying in intensity and in an area it's hard to avoid aggravating. As when I had sciatica I've found I can often wedge myself in a slightly comfier position with pillows and then meditate myself to sleep for a while, waking up much relieved...also for a while. I give thanks I might be a rubbish meditator where enlightenment's concerned due to my tendency to drop off, but my production of helpful chemicals from the process seems to be pretty damn fine! I also give thanks for Tiger Balm and Paracetamol as even on a duvet day I can't actually lie down all day, and for doing useful stuff when upright including some re-assembling of the kitchen after moving things to get the ceiling painted and the replacement larder unit in. 

Horizontal but conscious a while ago I was disconcerted when Netflix wouldn't load on my TV, but when I rebooted the digibox I was very pleased with an updated version of the app with 'Hidden gems for you' which looks far more appropriate than 'Trending' often tends to be for me. 

Stunned

Oof! How good to be home on my sofa in a clean flat, and the vicious pain in my upper arm subsiding for now, though typing will set it off again so this post may take some time. Nobody say rotator cuff, OK? It's just some pulled muscles I'm (mostly) sure! 

I give thanks Michelle is a very helpful home help and happy to do whatever you ask her within reason, so I can ask her to do whatever I'd most appreciate each week. Putting fresh bed linen on and hanging up the washed stuff is always welcome, and particularly so today as technical failure in the urological department had made for a rude awakening from needed sleep and far too much shouldering of loads with accompanying pain before even my morning tea!

Talking of tea, I give thanks the rather new member of housekeeping staff mistakenly pushed the trolley past my side room this afternoon without pausing to provide refreshments, as when I raised a polite query as to whether she was coming back, she did so with abundant apologies and a fresh individually brewed cup...plus biscuits of course. For some surprisingly deep catch up snoozes. 

I give thanks for getting the tourist seat on the bus. There'd been a few single deckers on the route today so I was delighted the one I caught wasn't, had lots of windows open, only a sparse smattering of passengers and none at the front on top! For lots of sights to enjoy on the journey with dazzling sunny spells in between squally showers. There were rainbows, curving in the sky, as you might expect, but also briefly horizontal in the haze on the estuary where warmth was evaporating the previous rain. Stunning! For a young man thatching an old cottage by the roadside and a bright yellow helicopter hovering low over bright green fields. 

Strange

I often express gratitude for the variability of the British weather, so I'm thinking I should apply a similar attitude to my health. You never know what you're going to get so at least there's an element of mystery and surprise! Waking up yesterday feeling fit enough to tackle turning my mattress, then today with hardly the strength to roll over in bed is a very good case in point. I can switch from Superwoman to semi-invalid with little warning, and I give thanks so far, despite many good reasons why I shouldn't, I can also suddenly switch back.

If I'm going to have a feak and weeble day I'm always grateful if the agenda is rather sparse, and today that there wasn't much on the must-do to-do list at all. For putting back a few of the items moved out of the way for Rachel to paint in the spare room yesterday, and moving most of the items needing relocating for Julie to paint in the kitchen today. I give thanks she took the shelves and curtains down as both those jobs were beyond me though I did clean the shelves before she screwed them back up. It's astonishing how dirty the underside of a shelf can get! I give thanks for having a bit of a natter too of course. We usually end up laughing at the strangeness of the world, so after a year in which many folk seem to have got stranger there was plenty for us to say! 

Before, and after, and also partly in between, I give thanks for occupying the sofa very diligently doing very little at all. For a hot water bottle though the sunshine was warm for the comfort of its closeness. I give thanks for coming up with a cunning plan for a quick and simple supper...next time I get myself vertical again. 

Taboo

Goodness me - an episode of My Unique B&B during which the word 'bathroom' was mentioned as part of the area under review. We didn't actually get a glimpse inside but I'm assuming it had the necessaries. I've nothing against whimsical and quirky decor, but no matter how much in lurve you may be a romantic getaway has to have the occasional toilet break doesn't it? Maybe if you're taken short one of those outdoor baths will suffice. Oh well, I guess I should be grateful it's not a problem I'll ever encounter! Meanwhile I give thanks for my basic but functional range of indoor plumbing...a soak of various sore bits will be very welcome in a while. 

I give thanks for a busy day when not at the office, so that I managed to catch a nap even though I was in the room next to one of the deaf chaps who has his TV on very LOUD. For managing to turn my mattress in the morning. A new one would be better but hopefully a less worn patch will be more comfy for a while. For Rachel's excellent paint job while I was out, I'm beginning to eye up other areas I said 'Oh that will do for now' about...but that will do for now ha ha.  I was very grateful she brought me one of my favourite treats too, a yoghurt topped blackberry and apple flapjack. And she was grateful I left her some posh shortbread biscuits to nibble. Her hubby is seriously celiac so she rarely gets a fix of wheat. 

I give thanks for making some dinner earlier as there were some delays on the unit. Oh, and for a lovely magenta sunset when I got home.

Young

Well it's been a stop start day here and I'm not beating myself up about that. I give thanks the lower joints are recovering from the most mountainous workout they've had for some years. It was only a steep hill, up, along and down, but I did wear my Mountain Warehouse trousers to add to the sense I was 'hiking'. Every little helps as they say, and apart from pain, strain and excruciatingly embarrassing slowness it did feel rather good acting a bit like the old (ie. young) me! 

I give thanks for clearing space for Rachel to get up the big ladder and second coat one of the spare room walls. For making some progress under my own steam in the kitchen, surprised and grateful my shoulder which had been so sore again last night and this morning actually seemed to improve from the movement - temporarily at least! Painting is another activity where I find myself in a pleasantly timeless zone but all the moving stuff around is rather wearing, especially the steps which somehow always seem to be in not quite the right place when I get up them! I give thanks therefore Julie is coming another day to help finish that off.

I give thanks for the sun making through the cloud by late afternoon, mildness making it no hardship to leave the window wide open for the painting smell to disperse. For photos on Facebook of one of the cygnets riding on its mother's back. For forty winks on the sofa followed by sixty plus minutes trying to psych myself up to get off it and move my stiffening limbs in the direction of the shop for a pint of milk. For the delay meaning no queue in the Co-op, and no queue at the chip shop in my way when taking a slight detour to see the sea - always a bonus on both counts! 

Natural

I give thanks for the beautiful morning making it more pleasant than it might have been having to be up and presentable much earlier than I normally do. For arranging with my taxi driver that he'd text after finishing his previous job to say if he could pick me up at the unusual time...and that he had time to do so! For asking Peggy, an HCA  I'm rather fond of who is a similar age to me, if I could have a quick look outside the back door where the staff go on their breaks, as I was down that end of the unit and it was invitingly ajar. She knows I thrive on a bit of nature and took me on a quick tour including the pond with fish and frogspawn!

I'd been really grateful they'd managed to squeeze me in at a reasonable time before my vascular access appointment in the main hospital this afternoon, and didn't grumble when they didn't have a side room or chair spare, though the beds hurt my back and the bay I was in was too noisy to watch Netflix let alone have a snooze. It's the area where they train patients who are going to treat themselves at home and I give thanks for remembering to give thanks that this option is available for some (and transplants!) when the instructions and responses kept me awake. For also remembering to be grateful I'd be home even earlier than expected after a message that the surgeon had to cancel his afternoon clinic appointments due to complications in his morning theatre session. Getting up a bit early to suffer a few hours discomfort seemed a blessing compared to being on an operating table with things going wrong, or in a gown waiting and being told your procedure wasn't happening after all.

I give thanks for managing to arrange a different taxi and for it being a high up people carrier so I got a different view. For the driver not chatting so I could plot how to make a Superman style change of attire and accoutrements and make it back out while the sun was. For then accidently going on a stupidly strenuous walk (the map I have of a suitable scale doesn't show the contour lines!) and surviving to  stumble sorely pretty much straight through my door and into bed for that nap. I give thanks for more natural wonders to enjoy - darling dainty flower buds on a thorn hedge, the grey blue and soft pink shell of a snail, an ivy leaf in such bright red and yellow it looked like a butterfly and the glory of magnolia blossoms unfurling.

Courteous

This page is brought to you courtesy of Tiger Balm. I went to bed with a shoulder so sore no position, let alone action, was without considerable pain, but a thorough overnight soaking in this took most of it away restoring movement, plus opportunity to fill my brain with other stuff than 'Ow!' I give thanks for this marvellous medicine.

I give thanks for nonetheless being gentle with the affected joint and limb, and with myself, snuggling back into bed in the late morning with a cuppa, toast and a book after making breakfast, supper and some progress on a mosaic. I'd just got settled when I thought I ought to go and find my phone as I'd a suspicion Clive might message me...and it's a good job I did as he had sent me a text at just that moment! I give thanks for getting up again in time for him to come put together a freestanding unit I'd ordered for my kitchen, give us a loan of his Allen keys to remove and replace a towel rail I wanted to hang something from and have one of those remarkably amiable conversations when we demonstrate how very different out personalities and opinions are!

I hadn't meant to take the unit into the kitchen yet, but I couldn't resist and had just started swapping the contents of the outgoing one when it dawned on me it was foolish to put it in place before the ceiling was painted. I give thanks for then getting some dust sheets and making a start painting the ceiling! Told you that ointment was good! Actually it's not as impressive as it sounds as, despite the giddy (especially to me!) room heights at the front of the building, the back is under the low sloping eaves with nothing too precarious or strenuous required. I give thanks for the feeling of progress and the feeling of pride in making it myself. Also for remembering to stop while I still felt I could carry on - that's progress in itself!

I give thanks for a slightly brighter milder day, the joys of people watching from indoors and the hints of orange in the sky and pink in the sea as the light begins to fade. I give thanks for more Tiger Balm left for more basting tonight as, not surprisingly, I'm beginning to feel the need. 

Abroad

Apparently it's officially spring today but the weather here didn't get the memo. I give thanks for the overcast coolness, however, as it helped to keep down the numbers of folk taking their daily exercise in the vicinity, some of whom seemed suspiciously non-local to me. I expect they couldn't get pasties where they live so it was an essential journey, eh? To be fair I can't cooking-for-one size portions of ginger root and chilli pepper where I live either so I had to make a journey too.

I give thanks for feeling I had to make a journey for these and other items, as pain levels have been high, energy low and trying to get on with the tasks I'd planned to tackle at home was frustrating more than fulfilling. I give thanks my mojo finally deigned to put in an appearance on the top deck of a bus travelling a couple of miles in the opposite direction from the hospital, and back (which was towards the hospital, of course, but on a different stretch of highway!)  I'm aware how much I miss being able to see different places even within the county's public transport routes and give thanks for trying to introduce as much geographic novelty as I can muster within legal and health restrictions. For the invigoration of a new view (same old road but they've cut some trees down) inspiring me to drop off my shopping in the communal hall (giving thanks for my central dwelling and very trustworthy fellow residents!) and walk up the brook a little way to watch for a grey fluffy head peeking out between black feathers. For patience, and success in this little mission, and for admiring how the leaves on the weeping willow have opened enough to provide mother and babies with some privacy.

I give thanks for being home on my sofa, with a hot water bottle to soothe a horridly sore upper arm and the fascinating Secrets of the Saqqara Tomb awaiting my further attention. I hadn't realised this was a recent excavation, and how good it is to see the whole project staffed at all levels by Egyptians!

Transformative

The difference between when I feel well and when I don't never fails to astonish me. It's like I'm two completely different people - no wonder the DWP struggle to understand! I give thanks for being reminded of this after one of the transformations happened over night and for the busy bustly day that followed, apart from lounging around having dialysis of course... For a good day on the unit, feeling relaxed and fairly comfortable with nice staff in attendance. For my tablet with downloaded entertainment. 

I give thanks for my taxi driver transporting me to and fro despite a difficult time for him at home. For my home help leaving me funny notes and the place so clean, even doing extra jobs as she finished the ones I asked her to ahead of time. For a tasty tea rapidly cooked while some laundry was on a rapid wash and the final of RuPaul's UK drag race to catch up on. For Co op fair-trade chamomile tea and a naughty chocolate biscuit! 

Cloudy

I forgot to mention mention how much I appreciated the cloud formations yesterday as afternoon drifted into evening - fabulous marbled effects at first, then separating into a multitude of puffs and strands with pretty sunset colours too. Red sky at night but I was delighted with cooler greyer weather this morning after badly broken sleep and a run of rather energetic days. It's so much easier to take rest days willingly and with good grace when the sky's not blue and the sea all twinkling... 

The sun did make an appearance later but I give thanks by then I was much too settled on the sofa with a hot water bottle to care, although I'm also grateful I did force myself upright now and then to carry on shifting things to create more space for the return of the new kitchen and for emptying the old one when that's ready to leave.

I give thanks for the moment you sink back into warm bath water for a soothing soak. For having a shower too! For thinking one of those might invigorate me today...and for being slightly right for a while. 

Ordered

Part of the reason I'm trying to impose some order about the place is that I've been expecting the flatpack kitchen ordered and paid for some months ago to be delivered after lockdown. This will then have to wait for a suitable time for Clive to come and do the deed, and sometime before then, of course, the existing cupboards and worktops must be cleared...so organising space and storage about the place before then seems like a mistressful plan. 

I give thanks for making some progress over the last few days...but when without, warning or consultation, they tried to deliver this morning I insisted wimpily they took it away until I was ready, and got in touch with Clive to find out what was going on/wrong. One of the things he discovered was it was no longer in a flatpack state but assembled, and thus requiring an even larger space to occupy for an unspecified period of time! I give thanks due to a bit of ingenuity on my part and some muscle power on Clive's we now have created a gap in the spare room ready for the next delivery attempt which, hopefully, I'll be aware of next time. I give thanks I'll be even more grateful for my new kitchen when I get a chunk of the rest of the flat back as well. Oh, and that it's a very small kitchen too! 

I give thanks there was a ready meal in a Sainsbury's order not long ago - just need to dig it out of the freezer! 

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Assorted

Yay, I've finished the meadow square and my yarn bomb panel is complete! I've really enjoyed the playfulness of this make-it-up-as-you-go along project despite it regularly reminding me why I don't knit/crochet/embroider much nowadays.

I give thanks for an incredibly warm sunny afternoon. I'd envisaged striding* (relative term) along a footpath or two but my body was in more of hobble mode so I'm grateful for eventually forcing myself up to the office at the Manor House by means of various benches to bask on, to drop off the knitting. For noticing a bamboo hedge in the gardens there...with my ears before my eyes as it rattled in the breeze! 

I give thanks for picking up one of the last free copies of a booklet on local short* (see above) walks. At first glance, as suspected, they would be beyond my capabilities now but there are good maps and I can see how I could make miniature walks from parts of the ones near bus routes...weather, health and hospital days permitting of course. This can be rare but all the better to be prepared when it does. 

I give thanks for a few more slight inroads into the general sorting out and reorganising. A lot of stuff is still where it landed after it was unpacked - tipped straight from box into a drawer in some cases - and more disorganisation resulted from Covid delayed decorating so it's a gradual process working out where various items might better belong. I give thanks for the little hum inside when you feel you've got it right, but it can surprisingly tiring moving even small things around if you move them in large enough quantities. I give thanks for much siesta-ing on the sofa this afternoon...

Functional

Wow! For the first time in my life I have a peeler that actually peels! What a difference that makes as, although I'm more of a skin on girl by nature (all that extra goodness and flavour!) that goodness and flavour tends to be the bit that's bad for renal patients. Woohoo, ll the more potatoes for me, she says, with a great deal of gratitude!

I give thanks it's been a rather splendid day, in a variety of small ways. Waking up feeling well and not too achy is always the best way to start. Oh and for the mildness of the weather, plus having energy and motivation to use my morning usefully before heading into the city, making my supper and making a start on moving possessions around for some reorganisation I have in mind. For finally getting in contact with the yarn bomb organiser to see if she'd like the tails from casting on and off left for attaching my contribution to a piece of park furniture or someone else's work. Almost finished - I do hope she likes what I've done!

I give thanks for a Messenger chat with Bob yesterday evening and finding out a Mother's Day gift was on its way, and for the postman ringing my entryphone bell this morning. Not sure what I was expecting but not a large oblong box, so I was mystified until I picked it up and it made that very specific jigsaw rattle. Of course I've not opened it yet, as is my way, but I give thanks not only is Bob quite used to this by now but it turns out Steph likes to leave gifts wrapped to savour as well. I mean I know it's a jigsaw but there's still the mystery of which one...

I give thanks for a pleasant bus ride despite it only being a single decker today. It was airy with the windows open, and the door when we were early at a stop - mostly for the sparse passengers to alight which was a bonus, plus a pleasantly tinging bell when they signalled they wanted to! There was bit of a delay at some temporary traffic lights but in order to avoid this the taxi driver took a slight detour on the way home - ooh what a treat for me!

Chunky

I was unexpectedly fast asleep for a chunk of the late afternoon, but I was up and about unexpectedly early this morning and unusually busy and bustling about. I give thanks for having very acceptable levels of energy and purpose - well for a few hours at least - and the bliss of being able to nap when you need to! I'd not been intending to go out any where but realised it was a friends birthday and took an unscheduled journey to pop a card and little gift through her door. It's in another part of town, mostly up hill from here, so I was grateful I could take a bus some of the way. It's near the end of the route for that number and when it arrived all the passengers alighted and only I got on, so the driver asked if I'd mind waiting while he popped to get a hot drink from the shop by the stop to see him through the fifteen minute wait at the turnaround! Rather strange to sit on a locked double decker all by yourself but not at all unpleasant...

I give thanks for deciding to walk back in the mild sunshine taking in a little loop of delightful paths I don't think I've ever been on before - even in my younger fitter days when my boots gobbled up chunks of coast path greedily. Back on the road I began to realise it's actually not all uphill on the way there, and after walking yesterday was getting rather tired so I was grateful I started really fancying a scone with jam and whipped vegan cream and the desire to hit the baker's spurred me on. Sadly no single plain scones were to be found so I gave thanks for a large late lunch of assorted leftovers instead before keeling over for my snooze.

I give thanks for an unusually chatty day (for me!) by means of various chatting platforms. I give thanks for mobile phones! 

Lying

I give thanks for a mug of tea and some warm blobs - they were meant to be cookies but didn't spread. For them tasting fine nonetheless.

I give thanks I was out earlier in the day when there was patchy sunshine not horizontal hail like there was not long ago. For showers though, as the great British public tend to be terrible wusses when it comes to a few drops of rain and mostly stay out of the way! For a substitute Mother's Day treat of cappuccino and cannoli in the cove where I have been with Bob once, and hope one day I can go with again. For my wonderful wellies so I could walk there via the beach which looked as if it just had a skim of sea water on the sand, but had concealed deeper dips and ditches to be negotiated. For those blobby spots on my ankles flattening out so boots are comfortable to wear again. 

Last weekend, mostly lying in my spare room bed, I spotted so much stuff around needing cleaning, sorting or other maintenance but couldn't do a thing. So, after a snoozy rest from outdoor exertions, I was grateful for some second wind to get busy with a bit of this, that and...well not the other, though my craft table did end up on its back with its legs in the air to have its loose nuts tightened! 

I give thanks for making my evening meal this morning, and for last night recording a Lewis I don't remember seeing before. I'm ready to get horizontal again - I give thanks for my comfy sofa and no reason why I should not. 

Bewitching

I'm grateful for living in a time and place where I can have treatment for both renal failure and cancer, even though neither can be cured, but Friday nights are so much nicer when I've only had the one and I give thanks that this is one of those! For snatches of snooze during the afternoon to replace some of the sleep lost in the early morning, and for nothing to be anywhere at any particular time for tomorrow unless I feel the urge. For a variety of programmes I want to watch recorded, downloaded or ready to stream, a wide variety of reading material and well stocked cupboards, fridge and freezer. 

I give thanks I'm still capable of doing the household chores... but I'm even more grateful for coming home to a flat my home help has helped make clean. For fresh bedding to enjoy after a fragrant bubbly bath and for Cauldron's yummy sausages and polenta chips for supper. 

Exact

I give thanks for the great British weather - it may be dull sometimes but it is rarely boring! For managing to time a trip up the street that fit exactly into one of the very pleasant spells between howling wind hurling rain everywhere. For being well wrapped up as, despite the temporary sunshine, the temperatures were not warm and on my return managing to alternate periods of productive activity and some much needed rest and recuperation. 

I give thanks for high flying ducks and the cruise ships back on the horizon after hiding round the headland when the winds were high. For leaf buds opening on the weeping willow. For spending some screen time in Finland (which would have been on my bucket list if I'd not got a hole in mine) and then (as the fictional family flew there on a holiday) in Greece, which I have been blessed enough to have been to twice and remember with much fondness. For this fantasy place I visit every time I have a bath. 

I give thanks I have just made it through two years of dialysis (coincidentally on World Kidney Day). I thought the first twelve months were pretty grim, so I'm grateful during those I had no idea how much harder the next ones would be. 

I give thanks for learning a new word this morning - chiasmus. Well, I say that but I couldn't quite remember it this afternoon and had to look it up!

Primal

I give thanks for feeling better, and that my appetite is back...except now all I want to do is eat! I'm very grateful I made today's tea yesterday...and that the cupboards, fridge and freezer are well stocked as I think I might need pudding too.

I give thanks for a good day at the office - nice side room, nice staff, not cold or particularly uncomfortable and no waiting around. For a fascinating documentary about the forensic investigation of a case that began with a caller telling 999 he'd just murdered his wife!

I give thanks for discovering the work of Luca Guadagnino. My goodness, how good is he? Wish I'd realised there are films of his available on Amazon Prime before I cancelled my second free trial but, who knows they might offer me another one next year... 

Lazy

So today's challenge has been to get stuff done without getting done in. I give thanks for some success in small patches! For Cyclizine to help with queasiness, and some success also in finding a few things I fancied eating. For making it outside while the sun was still shining a little and for it still being plenty cold enough to wear a hat so I could bundle my tangled hair underneath it and not have to bother with that. For there being a few empty seats here and there and sitting on one to try and decide if some sort of cake would help with the appetite...deciding on plain butter shortbread and arriving at the Baker to discover they were reduced to a pound. I'm grateful I'm not so strapped for cash that 30p makes much difference but everyone loves a saving nonetheless! 

I give thanks for a nap on the sofa... and a long loll about afterwards telling myself doing absolutely nothing is absolutely fine. For common sense eventually prevailing and cooking tomorrow's tea and tackling the washing up. For lazy daisying some detail on the land panel that goes with the sun and sea ones. For 18.42 and still some blue left in the sky! 

Horizontal

I give thanks for part making my tea before I left for the unit today, though its a shame I didn't ran out of energy and inclination to finish the job properly. For being hungry enough to eat a portion without caring too much, and for a portion to save and see if I can do better with. For toast and jam to fill up. 

For a different side room for my treatment with a view of some greenery and mostly blue sky, and therapeutic staff. 

I give thanks the sun was still out and up when I left the unit so I could watch it dip beneath the horizon on the way home and catch the sunset colours which I've missed the last couple of evenings through sleeping at the time. For being curled up under a quilt on the sofa - I'm bushed and it's going to be a nippy night. 

Incomplete

I give thanks for feeling a bit more functional today, able to complete a few useful tasks including making pancakes for breakfast, a Quorn chicken and veg pie for a late lunch and a reasonable inroad into the washing up. 

I give thanks for managing to go outdoors for a while, though probably spent too long on my feet trying unsuccessfully to find an empty sunny seat as I fell fast asleep on the sofa after only unpacking and antibaccing part the Tesco delivery. I give thanks for processing the freezer and fridge stuff at least - at least I think I did! For collecting yesterday's post including a box from Jan with some soothing balm, some spicy curry mix and a certain serrated succulent plant known for being good for skin. He says I can call him Al! Meanwhile I give thanks all my mystery lumpy spots are now just discoloured patches on my skin. With luck these will have completely faded by the time we have warmer weather and, if not, will create continuing social distance distance. 

I give thanks for fiction on paper and film to keep my mind from dwelling on unpalatable facts. 

Made

I give thanks I made my bed so I could lie on it, tucked up with a hot water bottle half asleep for most of the day. For the winter sun streaming in through the spare room window keeping me cosy. For suitable food I'd made or made available so nothing more demanding than heating up, and stacking up the washing up, is required. For satsumas which are even easier still. 

I give thanks for an enthralling book by Tracy Chevalier, such a relief after some exasperatingly poor 'good reads'). For the short periods I felt up to the effort of holding it open and even simply opening my eyes. For trying a new Insight Timer meditation instead, which was so awful it made me laugh, an unexpected bonus in a dreary weary day. For reminding myself this regime is so much gentler than the chemo I was on previously...and I can always just say no. 

Flush

Yay, I give thanks for having a side room for dialysis today. I thought that would set me up nicely for a relaxed afternoon before dashing off to the other hospital for immunotherapy...and some of the time it did! I also had a new member of staff still very hesitant at flying solo so there was plenty of communication repetition (she was wearing two masks as well as a visor!) and delay...and when the city taxi driver turned up and queried my booking my phone signal kept dropping so I wasn't sure if he'd be there when I dashed out late and thoroughly frazzled. I give thanks he was, and for plenty of time to beat myself up for being short tempered as oncology was running very late and it turned out I wasn't short of time at all. 

I give thanks I saved some of my packed lunch to keep me going as the evening wore on - I always forget I'll have a mask on and won't be able to eat it! Mind you the patients who went in before me had cups of tea beside them so they must have has their faces out...but that was the last round of the day so I missed it. I give thanks I'm on the last flush now and when that's done and the cannula out my local taxi driver will (probably) be outside waiting. 

Enhanced

I give thanks for the damp, dark and rather chilly weather today - ideal for encouraging lockdown law compliance. I had to go out for a couple of essentials as, having heard nothing to the contrary, I assume its two treatment Friday tomorrow and the weekend will be essentially lost. Didn't feel grateful before or on departure, but when I took a slight detour for a quick look at the sea and realised the beach was practically deserted it enhanced my mood a lot and even my energy a little. 

For the muted palette of sand and sky, and wet shine bringing out colours in the pebbles. For robin song and duck quacks in the park on my way to the store, geese stretching their necks indignantly and honking after food that seemed to be flying towards them was intercepted by swooping gulls.

For a big pan of butter bean curry made for tomorrow's tea and beyond. And for booking my second vaccine slot with the greatest of ease...well apart from the ease I've been taking on the sofa since I've been home! For a poignant vicarious visit to Pripyat with Ben Fogle. Random fact: when Chernobyl reactor No 4 blew I was on a three hundred mile cross country hike! Those were indeed the days my friend... 

Balmy

I give thanks for trying an old trick last night which seems to have helped me feel better today. For the ancient wonders of Tiger Balm! And for remembering visiting Haw Par gardens many many moons ago...

For Rachel coming while I was out to give my oven some of her elbow greasing. For being able to leave some treats/gifts out for her and that she brought some for me! For remembering to cancel my free Amazon Prime trial some days ago...and then when I went to order some books last night realising I still had a few hours left and that they would arrive today. Was a little bit worried the photo showed the package on the outer doorstep...but the neighbours are nice and they'd bring it in, I thought...and then a little worried again when it wasn't in the hall...and then huge relief when I realised Rachel had collected it and it was safe in my flat.

For the wonder of not actually being cold during treatment for the first time in so many weeks, and for seeing a favourite member of staff I've not seen for ages and have a catch up though it was a shame (for me) to hear she is leaving at the end of the month...for her her new dog walking/boarding scheme sounds just the ticket! She tells me there are now no Covid patients on the unit which is wonderful news, though the news I could have a side room again would be even better!

Urgent

Thought it was a bit bonkers that my oncology phone triage pre immunotherapy was also scheduled pre the blood investigations they require, and I give thanks trying (to no avail) to change the appointment a couple of weeks ago. Funnily enough my request for a physical blood tests request form was also ignored or overlooked and, as assurances details would be 'on the system' failed to materialise into anything renal staff could see, I was grateful it was actually very useful to talk to the registrar before the work was due and get him to see they were not there. I give thanks despite being incredibly dreary and dozy still I'm nonetheless relatively mentally bright and on the ball - the amount of admin that falls to patients can be quite considerable and  complicated you know! I give thanks investigations might even reveal a cause for my current constant urge to adopt a fetal position and, if at all possible, sleep... Meanwhile, though it's an exaggeration to say I've not much else to do at the moment, I give thanks by sticking to only pressing essentials, and pleasant non-essentials being in short supply, I'm managing to catch quite a lot of extra zzzs.

Couched

I give thanks I have no knowledge of marine engineering, biology or botany so I could just use the shapes I could create in this seascape for the yarn bomb, and not worry about being realistic at all! I give thanks for much fun despite the fiddliness...and for knowing what couching is. *

I give thanks for feeling a little more lively than I did yesterday, though it's still a relative term and an afternoon on the sofa would have been so much more welcome than an afternoon on the bay - unless it had been an afternoon on the bay in a boat of course! For an extra long nap which helped the afternoon pass and a visit from research nurse Sarah which cheered up my doldrums a bit. I'm really going to miss her when this study is over, especially as it will be over before we can be unmasked and she can draw up a chair. I give thanks for telling her so. 

I give thanks for pre-made tea ready to reheat. All I need now is someone to do the heating while I stay horizontal and just sit up when it's done. 

* It's an embroidery term in case you don't. Using one thread to stitch another one down