Training

I give thanks for a sunny start to the day here. I seem to have become embroiled in a manic mission to sort out every corner of my existence while it carries on...which is useful, and rewarding, but rather fatiguing too... so, grateful as I am for progress, I was also grateful to make myself head out early and leave the tasks alone. For arriving at the station well before I needed to as I figured (correctly) the quietest sunniest seats in town might be there. For the visual glories of the commute along the coast and estuary, and a delightfully calm semi-emptiness in the city where I slowly ambled about both familiar parts and new. For a takeaway crepe for a pre-lunch snack and another quiet empty seat to eat it. 

I give thanks for good tennis to watch, and good staff to watch over me. For gradually training myself to collect the dirty washing up on a different piece of worktop. It's not nearly so visible there and as a result the kitchen seems much cleaner and tidier with no extra cleaning and tidying at all. I give thanks I'm sure I'll appreciate the new arrangement even more when the kitchen itself is new! 

Paradoxical

I was grateful to wake up at 4 am today...as I'd gone to sleep at half past 9 - not a bad night by current standards. I was grateful for a trip to the loo in the middle too, as a dialysis patient who still needs to pee is a blessed soul indeed. 

I was grateful for Fargo to catch up with as I waited for 'bedtime' as I couldn't stomach the Murray match. How well I can relate to enjoying what remains of a skill one once had in greater abundance but to me it was painful to watch.

I give thanks for my latest bloods showing improvement slowing...as that's still better than getting worse. For feeling quite normal for good chunks of time...and for spending some of it making inroads into piles of unsorted paperwork uncharacteristically accumulated over the last year or so, having been mortified to find I couldn't find important stuff like my birth certificate the other day. Today's project was filing medical letters - never the jolliest task - so I give thanks for the great reward of finding the missing folder somehow concealed in the stack. Not only can being reminded of one's mortality encourage one to tidy up loose ends, but replacement documents are not cheap! 

For feeling proud of myself for 'making curry' (basically chopping a carrot and opening a pot of paste and tin of beans) and then savouring a cup-a-soup style food supplement the dietitians sent me so much I've not got round to eating it. 

Serving

I give thanks I've had a lot to be grateful for today! For master plan of delivery of goodies to Julie en route to the scenic route to the city going, well, according to master plan!  So good to see her doing so well, and to receive an automatic lighter she keeps meaning to give me as my thumbs can't work the cigarette sort any more and my fingers fumble with matches. For the stunning views - enhanced by the alternately stormy and summery light. 

For arriving at the hospital early enough to raid the cafe before heading to the unit, so that I was watching tennis while munching a yoghurt topped flapjack when the tea trolley came round soon after. For Wimbledon returned at last. Made me quite emotional to be back with the purple and green! For court rooves (I'm a traditionalist. What next? Loafs?) so rain didn't stop all the play. And for new remote controls recently provided so I could switch at will between the offerings on BBC1 and 2.

 

For an early release on request after my stoma bag threatened an early release of its own, and a lovely HCA I rarely encounter who lives not far from me. We might see each other in town she said, and I replied we wouldn't recognise each other without our masks...so we showed each other our faces and we it's true we wouldn't have done! For much mirth with Peter in the taxi. 

Therapeutic

I give thanks by means of light foraging in local stores this morning, plus on the Tesco site last night, I managed to gather some items of benefit to both Julie and Mima as well as to myself. The feeling of being helpful is so therapeutic, and not often available when I'm at peak fitness so especially welcome in these more feeble times. 

It's great to be able to do a little physical shopping but it's still tiring, so after a yummy hot lunch of odds and ends I was very grateful for a short but incredibly sweet nap. Not had a decent night's sleep or top up snooze since I started this treatment so it surely was a treat! For waking and thinking I ought to prepare for my upcoming grocery slot and it arriving there and then, not only early but also delivered with exceptional good nature given the apocalyptic rain at the time. For fresh supplies of easy peasy delicious food to eat, and also for gently beginning to chop and stir again...though not necessarily for the same meal as I have to save some energy for the washing up! 

Chosen

I give thanks for a day that's seemed somehow more like lazy than convalescing...though I can't quite put my finger on why. Perhaps there's been a greater sense of choosing not to start or complete or activities, rather than it being a matter of necessity...but I still give thanks for both a little successful activity and successfully reminding myself in between I'm really not idling my life away but working to restore it to some former glory! 

I give thanks one of my choices was not to get dressed...as (barring dire emergency, which I'm grateful to report there was not!) this also precludes going out into the bustle of summer Saturday seaside world, freeing up the mental and physical wherewithal for undemanding pottering around at home. For the comfortable spaciousness of my abode given my lowly property ladder status. 

For shipping views and the way, if the water pressure is right, a spiral of bubble bath foam coils in a circle under the taps. 

Journeying

I give thanks for a day that's been a bit of a journey in the nicest possible way for a dialysis day! For feeling up to getting a bus into the city, and choosing the one that doesn't go exactly the same way as the taxi - partly for variety, and partly as there's a stop quite close to Patisserie Valerie! For realising I didn't mind difficulties and delays with traffic on the narrower stretches as it's a chance to observe the world more minutely...and anyway I had plenty of time...

For finding a seat on the Cathedral green to savour today's treat (I'm on a mission to gradually try every takeaway cake they do!) and then calling the biggest cab company around for transportation to the unit, only to be told they didn't have anything for fifty minutes. This was unheard of, and also considerably bigger than the aforementioned temporal plenty, so I give thanks for discovering yet again I can walk further than it feels I can as long as I go very slowly and sit down when the opportunity occurs. For the fine sight of a line of cars on the rank to encourage me along the final yards.

I give thanks for as pleasant an afternoon as a treatment one can be, with staff it's good to talk to and peacefulness in between to enjoy the last two episodes of the excellent Lupin while munching a tasty lunch. For traffic still snarled up along the usual roads so we came a completely different way home, including a section of dual carriageway which might not sound fun but it goes up through a glorious little forest, and then you have to take a winding wooded lane back down to sea level with stunning views here and there. For thus, through planned and unexpected events, managing to achieve what is always my ultimate goal - to have a hospital day seem like a day in my life, not a day out of it. 

Timed

I give thanks I think I had a bit more sleep last night, when dribs and drabs were added up...and for feeling a little less wired today so, although I didn't manage to quite pull off an afternoon nap, a pleasant horizontal period of drifting occurred. For extra time spent meditating when unavoidably awake in the very small hours...as well as time spent reminding my mind that's what I mean it to be doing of course!

For feeling strong enough to take a slow stroll up to the post office to return some mosaic tiles bought to assess for new projects but not quite making the grade...and for the lovely lady who runs this particular business giving me extra time to send them back when I explained I'd a few hindrances to overcome. For equally delightful local wholefood store staff finally tracking me down a block of the elusive Taifun Basilico (a marinated tofu so delicious I can munch it straight from the pack!) and their message arriving before I set off so I could go what seemed like the extra mile myself. For cooler cloudy weather and even a spot or two of rain so there were plenty of seats free to rest on.

For Chrissie Hynde performing Bob Dylan's Love Minus Zero/No Limit live on a Loose Ends from over a year ago. At least twenty times better than the version on the covers album...utterly sublime!

Celestial

I give thanks that Oatly make many delicious dairy substitutes but their salted caramel ice-cream is not, by a long way, their finest product...so I also give thanks I'm not actually vegan and can smother the stuff with Jude's salted caramel sauce which is divine! It contains some renally naughty stuff so I'm grateful I'm off temporarily off the hook where those restrictions are concerned and shall endeavour (without too much difficulty methinks) to polish off the jar over the next few weeks, which the jar says you have to do so would otherwise be a waste of heavenliness otherwise...

Last night I gave thanks for the stunning sight of the almost full moon moving behind a lace of cloud to intermittently silver the sea. For some bright sunshine at lunchtime today and feeling strong enough to walk my almost full moon face over the road to the beach for a while before setting off to the hospital, instead of just crossing the pavement to the taxi. For feeling the chug of the steam train passing as I leant against the wall, and then watching it curve through the tunnel and around the headland. During the tourist season in particular I'm frequently made aware that the ambience of this stretch of street is out of kilter with my soul, but I give thanks for realising its potential practicality and making my life so much easier by moving here.

Ascending

I give thanks ascending was easier than descending, but it was a shock to face how feeble I have become while staggering a few yards along an uneven footpath to a perfect picnic spot with Mima earlier on. At one point I sank to my bum to avoid losing my balance and then didn't have the strength in my legs to push back up! For it unequivocally being worth the effort however. For the sunshine and fresh air, good food and company, wonderful views...and, above all else, larks trilling above our heads! 

Listing the limited range of birdsong I'm able to recognise the other day, I completely forgot larks (along with curlews) as even when I'm at full contemporary strength I'm so rarely anywhere to hear them any more. For the lift to my spirits that came from having years of contented strong limbed striding memories come suddenly flooding back. The old me, the young me...the me I think I'll always be inside...

I give thanks for good news re descending liver enzymes too, still on course to maybe reduce the steroid dosage a little more swiftly than originally thought pending next weeks tests and triage. I'm deeply grateful for the way these are restoring my health but won't be sorry to see the back of lack sleep, constant appetite and face like an obese hamster! 

And talking of ups and downs, I give thanks for the first time witnessing one of the park maintenance chaps watering the flower containers that decorate the bridge over the brook. How do they do it? They lower a bucket on a rope to fill from the stream below, of course! Don't know quite why this pleased me quite as much as it did, but if it makes you happy it isn't sad, right? 

Abbreviated

I give thanks for food in my belly

A film on the telly

Cosiness on a cool night

For bathwater waiting

And, I'm anticipating, 

Soon after sleeping quite tight! 

Just discovered I've been writing these posts for ten years and two weeks! A little brevity is permissable I think... 

Sticky

I give thanks for continuing to feel better and doing more, but also getting better at sticking with the necessary relaxing and resting despite the sense I could probably carry on if I tried. For ordering some second hand books and handmade bath melts to encourage (even) more lounging in the bath... 

For today's tasty take it easy food - vegan chickpea and lentil ravioli with tenderstem broccoli...dripping with butter of course as my diet is based on plants plus other many other things! For accepting a fishcake supper from the freezer as a substitute for the chip shop scampi I thought I might treat myself to, as my body requested a scamper free day today. For some sitting down instead glueing a few mosaic tiles to wood. This was both enjoyable and scary as I am out of practice and the piece I'm making is a special request and I'd like it to turn out right...but I was grateful to be able to make a tentative start.

For a surprisingly gripping Queen's final. The result was a foregone conclusion I think, but the unseeded British contender kept the top tip running around for an extra enthralling set. For Fargo to catch up with tonight.

Bouncy

So, one of my build up supplements comes as a juice drink, and I decided at 6 am it might go nicely on some fresh fruit salad and arose to make a bowl of the kidney friendly sort and popped it in the fridge. Then by 7.30 I was thinking some granola would be good with that and was up making the renal version...and a couple of hours later was in the Co-op buying kefir and a Danish pastry for the kind of breakfast I usually only (used to) enjoy staying in a fancy hotel. The steroids may hinder sleep but I'm extremely grateful for the increasing sense of wellness they are bringing to waking hours!

I give thanks for lots of time to rest nonetheless as I easily run out of steam. For it being tennis season which, for me, makes lounging on the sofa very appealing indeed - especially when there's some gripping matches as today.  For not hot sunny weather to create any competing urges to lounge around outside.  Above all else though I give thanks for beginning to feel creative again...Not had the energy to do a lot about it yet as taking care of myself still takes care of most of that, but for the past couple of months it's been as if this vast and valuable part of me has simply vanished, which was as distressing as the obvious physical signs of something wrong.

Worrying

Wow... I made it to the very well stocked 'farm' shop! They even had the only cottage cheese worth eating - yum yum. I'm so pleased with myself and proud, as not only do I need to overcome the physical weakness and wobbles, but if I avoid the outside world for too long I can get mentally wobbly about venturing out as well. For a cooler cloudy morning so the pavements weren't too packed, and there were empty seats along the way for little rests as required. For burying my nose in the sweetness of honeysuckle and feasting my eyes on the wildflower beds. 

I give thanks for a good day on the unit,  even managing a little nap. For my indignation fading after realising Mel, the unit sister, had said she'd told other staff I was a warrior not a worrier! For her reminding me to eat pretty much whatever I want over the next week or two as calories are more important than fretting about their source. Happy to oblige 😊

Combined

Yay, I give thanks for some decent sleep at last! The symptoms, stresses and steroids taken later in the day than recommended (as I have to have my blood cleaned first) are not a combination conducive to a healthy helping of zzzzzs!

For a cheery Sainsbury's driver bringing suitable convenience food for the other tricky combination of dietary restrictions, physical feebleness and - most important when you've not been eating - the vagaries of personal taste. For good bread in a shape and bake I can cut into slices, creamy coleslaw, Higgidy not at all porky pies and, as yet untried but waiting for supper when I'm ready to move again, smoked haddock chowder... 

For the palm trees in the park across the road suddenly all abloom with their creamy bouquets of blossom. For the way a hard card of cellulose becomes a sponge when wet...and for managing some washing up! For Mima offering to get some shopping if required, and take me out for a restorative change of scene when I'm a tad more mobile. 

Most of all I give thanks for phone triage after yesterday's blood results revealing swapping from intravenous treatment to oral has not slowed recovery as they thought it might, but actually at the moment I'm getting better more quickly than expected. As I slowly return to feeling human, it's nice to be reminded I can be a rather remarkable one now and then! 

Guilty

Would you believe last night I caught myself not only feeling pathetic for being unable to raid the convenience store across the road, but guilty for not supporting the new farm shop a little higher up the street as well. Though I'm convinced it contributes to keeping me alive, I give thanks for realising I am perhaps a tad harder on myself than I need to be now and then. For letting myself off the hook and booking a handy Sainsbury's slot for later. I'll not be doing any proper cooking for a little while anyway - who am I trying to kid? For garlic bread and hummus from the freezer for an easy tea last night, with organic apples that last forever in the fridge and fresh lettuce and spring onions from my spare room garden. Oh and a bit of an appetite! For seeing the sea and sky and the pretty mackerel clouds, for a bath and lounging around in a clean nightie with no need for modesty.

I give thanks though getting to and through dialysis today seemed almost unbearably hard, it can't have been as I did it! And it sure was more therapeutic to be at the little unit where I know them and they know me, than at the mercy of the main hospital machine. For a nice easy going nurse who has had some health problems herself lately so we understood each other well. For my bloods tested and meds taken, and just some phone triage tomorrow which hopefully will show home treatment can continue, because I really do need to treat myself to a day of rest. 

Liverish

I give thanks for bloods passing muster to try home steroid treatment with copious monitoring next. It's not going to be fun but it's got to be better than the option I've just been through, or going in each day for another intravenous dose. I give thanks once again they haven't quite managed to kill me in the course of tinkering with what they've  long admitted is incurable anyway. Apart from accepting their attempts to fix what's broken I'll be politely declining any other intervention or investigation for a while. If I want liver failure there's more fun ways to get it I believe...but honestly if you ever worry you're hammering yours too hard, trust me you do not want to go where I've just been, and please please do take care. 

So, I'm so grateful to be home after an anxious wait to see if meds delivery from the pharmacy could serendipitously arrive in a gap in my favourite taxi driver's schedule. For everything still gleaming from Michelle's Friday visit...and, if I can't make it to the Co op for supplies, for my box of build up snacks from the dieticians arriving while I was away, as nothing I had in that was fresh has survived of course. 

I give thanks my houseplants did survive however, having been genuinely more worried about them than myself. For the flowers they put in my bedroom to welcome me back! For Julie topping them up before her own hospital stay or that might well have not been the case...and for having her to swap horror fellow patient tales with from a few wards down the corridor. I give thanks her surgery seems to have gone just fine and she is on the mend. 

Unsung

I'm sorry - I'm struggling with grateful tonight. No one is singing from the same songsheets here and I've been falling through the gnarly gaps where differing demands of different departments don't meet. I give thanks for finally getting the various treatments essential to prolonging life for now and some stoma kit, so though I have to fester longer in smelly dirty clothes at least hopefully they won't be soaked in urine. Obviously I'm not home and have no idea when I will be. For knowing now not to have any faith in anything anyone tells me any more. 

I give thanks there were some happier moments from yesterday to remember during the waiting and rearranging and endless intrusion and noise. For hanging on to the hope that maybe tomorrow things might run a little more smoothly and I might have sun on my face again not tears. 

Matching

I've not been an inpatient on an oncology ward before, and I give thanks for being initiated into its secret delights to help soothe the souls of those whose bodies may be beyond repair. There's a garden just for patients and staff with plenty of places to sit secludedly or sociably in the sun or under the shade of plants and pergola. Or if you fancy a quiet sit down away from all the anguish and bustle of the wards there's a little room with sofa and chairs to read or watch videos or TV, also a bathroom and shower room kept clean and stocked with proper toiletries unlike any other hospital ones I've seen. Mostly I see them and say nah, I'll stay dirty thank you! 

Despite these softening of the blows, it's also been useful to be reminded that a hospital is run to accommodate the goals of the many kinds of staff, and the actual needs of patients have to be somehow slotted into these commitments and routines. I'm honestly also grateful I'm low on their priorities where slotting is concerned as it's literally a healthy sign, if sometimes rather frustrating... 

My goals for today have been to wrest some emergency stoma supplies from stores somewhere (eventual tick) and to watch as much of the French Open final as possible despite dodgy WiFi access (plus the potentially puzzling obviously irritating noises I make with headphones in!) and limited access to the aforementioned little room as it's also a valuable space for private sensitive talks. For most of the day I've felt in the way wherever I've been, so one time when I was able to revel in some marvellous games on the TV and a doc popped her head round the door, I was out of my seat and apologising before I realised she'd actually come to see me! She's the duty oncology consultant and I've been so grateful for the way she's dealt with my current problem (which is treatment related not original illness related - phew!)...and me in general, I might say as well! Together we have formulated several plans covering various timescales including going home tomorrow afternoon after dialysis and intravenous meds...and possibly moving to her list when my current oncologist takes retirement soon. I do hope so, I like her the best of all the ones I've met. 

Rich

Last night Jan sent me a photo of some honeysuckle and said what a shame I couldn't smell it, but I realised I could in my memory and imagination, likewise the clovey scent of pinks and burying my nose in the heart of a full blown velvet petalled rose. Tamsin had mentioned having nice cake so I then applied similar principles to reliving the taste and texture of particular favourites I recall. I give thanks for my mind's various sensory organs and the pleasurable experiences they help me repeat.

I give thanks for making it through the day, arduous mentally rather than physically I'm grateful to say. And for feeling better though still not well enough to blag going home. The main reason I have to stay is to receive a twenty minute infusion of steroids every day which seems excessively harsh when the weather is gorgeous and my bed is peaceful and quiet, and there's clean knickers, more books and other joys to be had at home but I realise I'm absurdly blessed to be in a position to feel this is harsh when others around me are so poorly. Mind you they have families who would collect necessaries or ferry them to and fro to have the meds as an outpatient so, you know, it's swings and roundabouts in a way. 

I give thanks for more of an appetite. I'm on the 'High Energy' diet and the menu offerings tend to be a little richer flavoured. Speaking as a bit of vegetable crumble expert (I only have to feed myself so I'm the only judge!) even their version wasn't half bad...sixty five percent good maybe!

I'd promised myself if I wasn't free to go home I'd go out and enjoy some fresh air after dialysis today, but I had to wait for a review and game plan from the doc and as she kept being called away to more urgent cases by the time that was done it was nearly time for tea. Never mind I give thanks I was so overdressed for the heat (yes even I thought it was hot!) a few minutes was probably enough. For the blue sky and the green of trees and no beeping machines and other bleeping people! I am truly filled with compassion for their troubles and pain but I deal with my own so much better with peacefulness and personal space. Oh well... 

Deranged

Apparently the phrase for liver malfunction is deranged. I give thanks this also perfectly  describes my mental state from all the waiting and debating and endless chatter and noise. For eventual success in getting cannula in and blood out for testing though it involved two staff and five rather painful holes. I have to have dialysis tomorrow as I missed it today and the charming young renal doctor who came to discuss arrangements promised me they'll take the next lot of blood at the same time through my far more co-operative fistula arrangements. Mind you charming young men will tell you anything won't they? 

I give thanks I'm on some meds which should help, and finally have a bed as I've run out of fight to run for home. I'm grateful it's on a cancer ward as they tend to have a more tender pace, and is in a corner with, so far, no one opposite or beside me. For sight of a little patch of garden through the window behind me. I could probably climb through it if the need arose. 

Shakespearean

I give thanks for waking up this morning feeling rather different, in an improved sort of way. I'd felt particularly rough the evening and night before so this was particularly welcome. For enjoying a deliciously lazy afternoon after a snoozy morning...and even eating some food! To add to the comfort I left my phone off so the hospital couldn't call and tell me how ill I was, and I was grateful I did because when I turned it back on they'd been trying to do just that.

I give thanks for negotiating delaying attendance for some treatment until tomorrow morning, so I might avoid an overnight stay...and for gathering a few essentials in case I don't. For Peter managing to rearrange his schedule so he can whisk me over there.

I give thanks for a pleasing rather random selection of recorded TV episodes - Sewing Bee, Antiques Roadtrip and a Christmas QI. Also for seeing a new series of Hotel Inspector is starting. I'd wondered whether this would be something they'd struggle to make now, and wonder whether Alex will be inspecting their Covid prevention practices as well as decor, facilities and exterior charm... Most of all though I give thanks for Hamnet, a gloriously enthralling read and so very beautifully written. 

Winning

I give thanks some folk on North Uist shared a hefty lottery win at the start of last year. Good fortune couldn't land in the laps of more practical and hard working folk, but I won an hour of wonderful scenery from the top of the Scottish Isles and was very grateful for that as I curled up on the sofa when I got home. 

I give thanks for taking a quilt so I didn't get the shivers, though I didn't get the snooze I thought I would so, snuggled up comfy under it at home, it's been a struggle not to claim it.

I give thanks for remembering an unopened box of nice Turkish delight from Bob last night and finding nibbles of that go down when nothing else will do. For almost a banquet before I left for hospital - a scrambled egg and a little slice of buttered seeded rye bread - and for creating something I might eat later, if not maybe tomorrow. 

I give thanks for Peter cheering me up on the drive back by taking a tiny detour to see if we could see for free the rhododendrons in the castle park. Only one or two, but it's so splendid to see those majestic grounds even for a minute. Then a little further on there were people by the railway line clearly waiting for the steam train, and as the road was about to diverge from the tracks he mock grudgingly turned off on the road less travelled by taxi drivers so I could enjoy that too. So lovely to see a different view or two! 

Foolish

I give thanks for Clive coming to do a few manly chores about the place. No not the kitchen...but he's done a more detailed assessment of what he's going to do when he does. I was grateful for other odd jobs though like putting up a mirror and some hooks that have not been hanging around you might say. Also attaching an extension lead to the wall so it's much easier to use. I give thanks he went to the Co op for me too, not least because when we opened the long neglected jar of instant coffee granules they'd turned solid and blueish as they do if you keep them for rare visitors. For his company and conversation, and sharing some memories of our friendship. 

It's been really hard to think of anything I might want to eat or even drink today, and passing fancies have been and gone before passing my lips sometimes. I don't want to be going to a lot of wasted effort either so I give thanks for one plan going well - liquidising some tinned peaches with Oatly custard to make a sort of fool. I've not had much but every little helps to keep me keeping on. 

I'm aware my body might be simply shutting down now after all its battles, and I'm grateful I'm OK with this possibility. Feel free to mock me if I turn out to be wrong of course...I'm open to happier outcomes too! 

Showy

Yay, I heard the Chinooks this morning in time to go to the window and watch! Three of them flying low along the coastline...what a thrill! I missed the President's Ospreys later as I was in the wrong part of the city but, having seen photos of them this evening, I realised I saw a couple flying in close formation a month or two ago when I was on the top deck of a bus. I was like 'What on earth?' and looked around to see if any of the other scattered passengers were gawping in wonder. Nope, just me! Despite having no idea what I'd witnessed I felt very blessed to have done so...

I give thanks though I got too chilled again to have a nap during treatment, I fell fast asleep as soon as I wrapped myself in blankets at home. I was grateful to my system for shivering away trying valiantly to raise my temperature but it was a losing battle as a light breeze chilled my blood as it wandered round in tubes outside my body, and simply wore me out. Being underweight doesn't help but eating is still a challenge, so I give thanks I've resolved to take a hat and a quilt on Wednesday, and have asked if the dietician can offer me any of the build up drinks and desserts I've seen other patients offered when they're not eating well.

I give thanks for waking up to some excellent tennis match replays from the day at Roland Garros. 

Auditory

I take pride in 'listening to my body' so why I decided to override its very clear instructions last night, I'm not quite sure. Maybe because I know that bodies can murmur some unhelpful lies about the wisdom of more chocolate or chips or gin? So I chivvied it to ingest some food it really didn't want to...and was very grateful when I had a bowl to hand not long afterwards when it sent it back!

I give thanks today I've managed to eat a few mouthfuls here and there of items it's given grudging approval to.

I give thanks for hearing the Red Arrows fly over and the steam train whistling as it passed. Though I was way too settled on the sofa to see either the sounds sparked memories of the feeling when I have. For Fargo and the French Open to watch instead...and for managing to make occasional small inroads into some of the chaos and chores in between these and the relief of naps. 

I give thanks for the sun coming out later in the day for those enjoying the tall end of their half term. For enjoying fresh air and birdsong through my open window...and someone having a shouty sweary rant which amused me more than it probably should have. For Jo posting a photo on Facebook reminding me of a fab week we had in beautiful astonishingly unspoilt parts of Menorca. There were eagles soaring over us as we quested for archaeological sites...and farmhouse cheese from a farm! 

Simplistic

I give thanks for making it through another day - well three quarters of it any way!

For the times when I managed to be upright and mobile and making attempts at beating back the encroaching chaos.

For the times when I accepted this was simply impossible.

For the times when I wasn't in pain...or the pain didn't require all my attention.

For when I was able to eat a morsel or two... 

For something like a 27 point plan to make a pan of stew. Think I've completed round about 23...

Landed

I give thanks for finally waking up, warming up and, somewhat later still, actually getting up off the sofa to grab my phone and some water. I've always had a dodgy body thermostat so I give thanks for discovering in my fifties that this is a common symptom of fibromyalgia, not (just) me being a wimp! For resolving to remember I'm extra wimpy at the moment having lost some personal insulation which makes me extra vulnerable to chills from the extra fresh air circulating to keep the busy nursing staff cool. For thawing out after I got home so no one said 'Ooh, you're hot!' and started a panic! For cold flushes, no matter how uncomfortable probably being easier to deal with than hot ones as I don't need to suddenly, and maybe inappropriately, strip off! 

I give thanks for managing to strip off my bed at high speed this morning as, due to being behind with the washing up, I used a larger mug than usual and failed to bring it into land successfully on the bedside table - so hot tea spilled over the furniture, wall, mattress, carpet, rug and and bedding (except, mercifully, the duvet). I give thanks for moving my phone from the puddle extra quick and it suffering no obvious ill effects, but I couldn't work out how to sort out the chaos AND make fresh tea to help give me the energy to do so. For somehow managing, getting a load of laundry done, and wiping down what I could before I left, but remaking the bed will have to be a puzzle to solve when I'm too tired to stay up any longer. I'd sleep on the spare room but it's full of kitchen unit and racks of laundry! I give thanks it's good drying weather.. 

I give thanks my taxi driver was full of cheer today, having booked his first official four seater flying lesson for tomorrow. He gained some experience in various craft as a cadet quite a long time ago, and had his own microlight in younger adulthood, but being considerably less light himself these days and having teenage daughters he decided to go for something more practical. Like many of us he's had many struggles and challenges in recent times and it was lovely to see him so enthusiastic and excited. 

Planted

Often it's the little things isn't it? I give thanks for waking up this morning fancying a cup of tea and a biscuit, that's not happened for a while... I've been grateful too for generally having slightly more inclination to eat and drink throughout the day, though I could belly ache about the griping stomach pains, or gripe about the belly ache I guess... 

I give thanks a friend is home in better health from hospital, and another who should have been operated on today shouldn't have too much of a postponement. At least she was told about the postponement yesterday not starved and gowned and ready to go.

I wasn't grateful the very helpful about the home Michelle is poorly this week and unable to come - both for her sake and mine - but it did mean I had to rethink my allocation of chores, and get off my proverbial to stumble off to the Co-op for a few supplies. I wouldn't have thought I was capable if I hadn't had to try! For the lush growth in the new wildflower beds in the park. I suspect the change of planting scheme here and there was as much about cost cutting as conservation of entomological habitat but it's still pleasing to see.

Apart from essential tasks I've been mostly planted on the sofa today. I give thanks for the excellent scheduling of the French Open, and for Bored Panda when I got bored with that! I give thanks I live alone and can more or less designate and schedule what I consider essential...by 'eck it would be good if someone could bring me the occasional light refreshment though! 

Wayward

I was grateful to Sasha Zverev for fitting his match today so neatly between when I arrived on the sofa and when I had to leave for the hospital! 

For feeling rather better this afternoon, and remembering feeling better still last week. It's been a murky afternoon and the staff had plenty of ventilation going so in the end, dressed for a summer afternoon on the unit, I had to huddle under a pile of blankets. Then when matron came to take me off the machine I was running a temperature so have had to do an extra Covid swab, and promise to bring in a urine sample too. My first thought when feeling rough was that it was the cancer, and Rob at first sign of a fever understandably thought it was coronavirus but, of course, there are other illnesses beyond what out current personal obsessions might come up with. 

I give thanks my shoulder/upper arm has been a lot less sore following a lot less manual activity lately. I've even been able to sleep on that side which has been very welcome. I give thanks I feel up to chopping a few veg tonight instead of just buttering crackers, heating fish fingers or scrambling egg. For sparing a thought for several other folk I know having their own difficult days in various ways. 

Rank

I give thanks for the Great British Photography Challenge - saves me wondering how to get somewhere for an exhibition! Love that the expert and head judge Rankin isn't interested in sending someone home each week, instead all contestants progress and compile a portfolio to be rated at the end of the series. 

Hmm, what else? I've been feeling rough for a lot of the day so giving thanks has not been very evident. I've been grateful for the usual comfort zones of bath and bed and sofa. For the warm weather which tends to improve my general regular malaise so the current specific one can have most of my attention. For setting myself the challenge of getting dressed and going outside, and for managing to pootle very slowly around the immediate area by means of half a dozen vacant seats. For the pleasure of sun's rays warming my skin. 

My appetite is hardly there, let alone any inclination to prepare food or clear up after, so I've been grateful when I've thought of easily obtained and ingested morsels. Ice cream is easily obtained around here, and on two of the seats I pondered whether it was worth a try, and on the third waited watching for the queue to diminish. I'm grateful the treat slipped down a treat!