Bedazzling

Much gratitude to Laura and four generations of her family for making me so welcome for their delayed Christmas dinner! I was invited to a couple at a classmate's house when I was in care, and one or two others by boyfriend's mums so I kind of know the score... the quantity of food and drink and gifts sometimes takes me aback but the brightness of reciprocated love and appreciation all round can dazzle and hurt my eyes a bit (I think Ann might know what I mean here). Being a kind of human leftover myself I can't fully grasp what I'm missing, but my goodness me it looks good! Great thanks to Chumba the tawny four legged angel for making there was some affection just for me... Dogs and often get me in a way that humans don't, and it's very comforting...I might say the reverse is also true!

More gratitude for a lift home before I got too tired, and more comfort in going straight to bed with a hot water bottle and paracetamol. I'm grateful my neighbour was so quiet when she came in and even her cat settled down quite quickly. I give thanks I've nearly got the deckies down, hopefully to finish before too long... I like to start a 'New Year' without too much that served its purpose in the old 'hanging around'. I give thanks in anticipation for all the fireworks I shall see on TV and laptop screens as the world turns gradually into what we may perceive as a new beginning. Sidney's are gaspingly gorgeous as usual...

I give thanks for a warm cherry stone pillow snuggling round my renal region and that, although I appear to be in much the same position as I was this time twelve months ago, I have actually inwardly travelled far. Well, I'm on some new knitting anyhow!

Warm thoughts to you all, on your various journeys...may you be and see you're inwardly as dazzlingly gaspingly gorgeous as me...

Human, being

Human, being...that's what I am! Neither in a state of doneness, nor being done unto. I like this concept a great deal and am grateful for being reminded of it...

I'm grateful for a wake up call regarding a situation in my state of being. It kept me awake deep into the hours of morning but I am more peaceful now... As I've said before, not having someone to tell what you are thinking or feeling can be a damn fine thing if it makes you consider it more. It's so easy to make statements...I'm this or such and such makes me that. Does you good to go deeper and only you really know what lies beneath...

I give thanks for a quiet day on the terrace to catch up with rest and nurture my physical self which is not at its best right now...

I'm grateful I've found something to do with some of my leftovers. I'm not sure taking one of my culinary inventions to a postponed Christmas dinner is wise but it's brave...and bravery often leads to wisdom, you know...

I'm grateful for being in a state of invited...

The nature of reality

My first gratitude today was for a much needed lie in after the scuba lessons in the night...in my dreams! It was a compulsory work training course and I was a bit worried about how my 'company dog' (a golden cocker spaniel), my disabilities and my DLA would fare while I was on it. Apparently I worked for a telecommunications multinational - no accounting for the workings of the subconscious, eh? 

After that dream there was one where everyone seemed to be cross or disappointed with me and various unpleasant things happened, so in a way I was rather grateful when people next door turned their music on far too loud eventually I was forced upright to get some peace. My tinnitus is bad and my kidney is hurting (did you know the latter causes the former according to Traditional Chinese Medicine?) so I've been grateful for a comfy-ish comforting day knitting and catching up with things recorded on TV recently, including some authentically Nordic Stieg Larsson films. I try to avoid racism or categorisation but it is a mystery as to why other nations think they can do this stuff as well or better! I've been grateful for the leftovers too, and being left to eat them by myself... For pretty skies and profiteroles and processing the perennial laundry and washing up...

I've spent more time than ever alone this year and have truly appreciated the opportunities for contemplation this brings...a recurring theme being the nature of truth and reality. How intensely we become caught up in creating and maintaining our own, and how rarely we comprehend the versions others have, including their versions of us! For example, I know someone who sees themselves as brave when others perceive them as timid, another who thinks they are a free spirit but who comes across as mentally constrained. I'm often perplexed by the person I seem to be to other people, it's not the person I seem to be to me at all...but then the people who perceive me thus are not who I think they are either... Walk a mile in someone else's shoes? Can you even imagine having someone else's feet?

Talking of what is not always easy to see...have you seen these? Excellent! http://uk.news.yahoo.com/photos/can-you-see-what-it-is-yet-amazing-camouflaged-animals-slideshow/a-great-gray-owl-positions-itself-in-front-of-a-similar-pattern-to-take-advantage-of-his-camouflage-photo--598066303.html

Design for living

I give thanks for a lovely day out with Laura at a beautiful local National Trust property offering free entry today. We thought the house and gardens would be worth a look at that price but were completely unprepared for how entranced we'd be by the Arts and Crafts influenced building, its setting and its contents, and we took so long in there that we needed a lunch break after the first floor before we tackled the downstairs rooms... Simple and beautiful and warm, both from the fine central heating and the general ambience, I for one would happily have moved in straight away, so I can but give thanks for the chance to see where I so rightly belong! Carrot and chick pea soup in the cafe was good as well, plus a fine selection of pretty and unusual cards in the shop (They had other things of course but mostly I could resist those. Some of the cards had to come home with me, though!) 

We decided to leave the gardens for another, maybe sunnier and drier, day when more was in bloom and daylight in greater abundance, and as we couldn't take photos inside the house and didn't go far into the grounds this photo of a strange nearby tree will have to suffice. 

I'm grateful to be home again, enjoying my solitude and a break in the social schedule. Who wouldn't be with a pile of books to be started or finished, a bundle of yarn to be crafted into various things, a variety of fragrant products to put in bathwater, hours of recorded programmes to watch and a mountain of profiteroles in liqueur sauce to be eaten whilst they are at their best? Requests for help with leftovers have been made but, so far, declined but I'm sure I am up to completing this part of the task unaided...will give it my best shot anyway...

Goodwill hunting

I give thanks for a knock on the door are you ready for a cup of tea yet start to the day...extra welcome after a bad night with the joints which shows how a negative can make a positive even more so!

For a great few days with Bob, and for realising how privileged and blessed we are to actually enjoy one another's company and some similar ways to spend time. My poor mother and siblings...it's easy to forget that the hard time they gave me was partly due to their disappointment and disapproval, which can't have been any more fun to feel than to be made aware of...

For the incredible amount of goodies remaining uneaten and undrunk. 240g box of nice chocs bought on Saturday and even with help I still haven't finished them all! And for the incredible haul of charity shop finds Bob made this afternoon in a little tour of the ones that were open here...

For the cosmic conspiracy to make our journeys so remarkably easy and stress free given the circumstances (sorry not your experience, Dan...move to Teignmouth?). Especial thanks to all the hard working chaps who cleared the tracks so both our lines are working, and the patient staff at Exeter St David's repeating the same information over and over again as to how to travel on from there...

For it not being dark when I set off home from and the interesting variant on seeing Bob off ie. that he saw me off instead...and the late light lighting up the flood puddles in the fields most picturesquely...

For a cracking moon clearing clouds and apparently rising at the end the road in front of here, and for being home alone again and not minding. It's all good.

Much of a muchness

Much thanks for more mild weather, sleeping with the window open...my favourite! Much sleep required after the late night cat not napping above and the far too early rapping next door. As far as I could tell twelve hours of near silence this time...brilliant! This morning, through the peace and the gap in the window frame I could hear the shrieks and cheers from the Walk into the Sea which I could then picture, having seen it before, with no effort required. Much gratitude for this too as, although I enjoyed it muchly, the landslide trek yesterday did wear me out.

You want to see what we saw? Several busy workmen with diggers and other equipment, and a constant trickle not only of water down the bank but of of festive calorie busters coming to watch. So many in fact they had a little safety barrier up to stop them falling backwards off the sea wall while trying to frame their shots! I do hope they hurry and sort it out though so we can use the train line again...

I was grateful for tea and toast in bed early this afternoon and, when I finally did get up, a lovely lazy day. For peaceful jigsaw piecing, For stew stewing in the slow cooker and for Bob's smashing mash to go with it on the way...

Presence

I'm giving thanks for lots of things today...I hope you are too!

Having Bob here, of course covers many of those gratitudes including having a breakfast cooked for me and tea and cake brought to me after our walk. And as Laura made the Christmas cake for me...very flavoursome and prettily decorated...thanks to her too!

The walk was to see the landslip that stopped the trains...a huge distance for me but rewardingly impressive when we got there. Thanks to the weather for being so mild and mostly sunny and inviting, and the tide being just right ie. coming in in curvy wall waves and spraying against and even over the walkway in an exhilarating but not dangerous way...

And presents? You want to know about presents? I'm grateful to all my friends who thought to give me gifts and for the gifts they gave, and to those to who were happy to receive them from me of course, but special mention to Bob for getting me something on my wish list that I'd completely forgotten was there. Seriously, I really didn't know what I was getting til I unwrapped it and then I was 'Oh, wow...It's those!' Also a book I requested for crafty inspiring kind of perfectly matching an unrequested book of Lego inspiring I bought for Bob so that we spent a happy few minutes just looking at those and going 'Oh wow...that's a good idea...look at that!' etc.

Son day Monday

Today I give thanks that Bob is here, and for the great effort transport services and the cosmos put in to make this happen! The staff are really doing their best to make travelling as pleasant and easy as possible when things go wrong weatherwise this winter. If only they...oops, this isn't an 'if only' blog is it? Particularly glad I managed to get a gold dust cab to meet him off the second coach.

I'm grateful on behalf of East Cliff cafe that the cliff has fallen down again...it's not their bit but they do a roaring trade refuelling people who pass by on the way. And for a lovely mild sunny afternoon to increase the numbers of gawkers...and those just ambling about taking delight in the seaside air like me.

I'm grateful for the doctor for ringing me to check that all is OK with all the things that often aren't... That shop bought all butter pastry is really rather good...

For my new phone toy...Cartoon Camera. What fun, thanks Bob! Oh, and for the colours in this part of my kitchen... (Pause while I try to add a normal style photo with my blogger app...who knows if you'll get one or not, eh?)

Have a happy Christmas folks...see you tomorrow if you're not too busy...and if you are I hope you're having fun!

Gifts

I give thanks for the gift of the howling wind last night...very exciting!

...for it being so mild I can have my windows open a little again... fresh air instead of freezingness...birdsong....laundry drying...

...a welcome glimpse of sunshine (honestly...there was!)

...paring down what I thought I might get done today as not feeling so well and strong, remembering I merely need to be...and then doing something in the 'needing to be' department that livened me up again. 

...the smell of frankincense and the sound of clapping...

...my twinkly little tree...

Favours

I'm grateful for deciding a brisk(ish) walk would blow away the cobwebs and come down feelings after such a pleasant week. I like my own company and solitary pursuits but after being reminded what other ways there are to be (both better and worse if you want to make judgements!) I can feel a bit low sometimes, especially this time of year, so a good time to connect with myself and nature...

I gave thanks for the wonderful two tone colours of the sea, sandy muddy brown near the shore and a beautiful misty turquoise further out with the headlands the kind of grey purple that only has a name of its own on a paint chart...

On the way out there was a card from a friend not heard from in a very long time, and another very beautiful and clever handmade one and little gift from a cyber one so that cheered me further and then, before I'd even reached the end of the terrace I met a brand new neighbour, so stopped to say hello and welcome. Poor man had just split up from his wife but he did get custody of a graceful and stately standard poodle who came and gave me that 'you need a hug' thing good dogs will do, and must be a comforting companion for him. Then when I got near the mightily impressive ocean I saw an unbelievably welcome sight - the flag of East Cliff cafe flying - and spent a happy half hour with another man and his dog (a guide dog this time), jolly Roger (one of the owners), a mug of tea and a toasted cranberry and orange tea cake. Apart from a blow up santa and Roger's mum we were the only ones there which might seem reasonable given the weather, but the rest of you were missing out I can tell you!

I gave thanks for a kind and thoughtful email from one of the aforementioned stoma nurses, a friendly start to my day. Might sound sad to have a stoma nurse's email make you feel cared for, but not as sad as if there hadn't been anything at all! The loneliness of some people's lives has been very much on my mind today, two I knew who died alone this year especially. It's a time we tend to think of our favourite people, the people we love best, appreciate and value most...but there are so many we don't think about at all, let alone value and include on our favourites lists for company. They are valuable too even if we don't see why so easily, and might need reminding themselves now and then. I'm grateful for the bargain box of favourite chocs I bought for myself for that very reason today!

That thing I do

I'm grateful to everyone at Gillian's last night for making me feel so welcome and particularly to Laura's daughter Jo for being keen to leave as early as me so that I didn't feel a complete party pooper! Heavens, I'm grateful for going to a party too...for lovely things to eat and drink and cheery and helpful cab drivers to transport me.

I'm grateful the world didn't end or shift on its axis today and that I was here to see that it didn't...I remember when I first heard that it might and I thought...that long? You guys have that long...what on earth are you complaining about? But hey, I was too, so what am I complaining about?

I'm most especially grateful for getting out into a wildly little wood to see the midwinterliness just as I had wished to do. For a mild still day the better to appreciate it, to Peter for facilitating it and for having the foresight to take a flask of tea to drink at a picnic bench we happened upon with a stunning view.  Ooh, and some more of that thing I make with aubergines, red lentils and smoked cheese...that I still haven't thought of a name for!

Into each life

Well, the weather yesterday wasn't nearly as bad to be out in as it looked to be from inside so that can be gratitude number one. The cloud that had been emptying itself just kind of dropped on the town afterwards so everything was very atmospheric with the sea all churny and grey.

I went into the first electrical shop I passed to start my quest for some mini battery operated lights for my mini 'tree'...and they had they very thing. Just one set left just waiting for me! I was very pleased that was so easy... It wasn't particularly cold but I put some gloves on when I came out of the shop and thrust my hands deep into my pockets and wondered what on earth it was I could feel there. I didn't recognise the shape or the weight or the texture so I hauled it out and discovered a brandy miniature I'd bought a few days before to get change from a twenty pound note. Laura had said she would make me a little Christmas cake when she made hers but I'd thought just in case she hasn't I'll get this to pour on a supermarket rich fruit cake and cover with marzipan.

I was on the way to meet her for a little light pre birthday afternoon tea in a rather up market (for round here) bistro cafe so I thought I'd check then on her baking progress before finalising the Tesco order for today...and she said the fruit was soaking ready but she'd run out of brandy! Funny you should say that, I said, reaching into my pocket again... Gratitude all round there...

On the way to the cafe my urostomy bag decided to take some unscheduled time off. I was very grateful for my RADAR key and a disabled loo not too far away, for having all the necessary kit with me, including a little Lush perfume spray for olfactory camouflage...But, even though I can deal with it all on the surface very practically and philosophically, and deepest down I know it matters not one jot, there are layers between where I find it very hard, layers to do with self esteem and social confidence. Takes a lot of chutzpah to mingle in public places whilst gently steaming round the middle. And it is the middle rather than the underneath, we're not talking Tena lady territory here! But it would have been churlish to let Laura down and so I said it's my treat as long as you treat me to sitting still with my coat cunningly draped around me and do a recce of the cake selection on my behalf. And the light sponge layered with tangy orange filling and coated with a thick chocolate fudgy icing turned out to be one of the best cakes I've tasted ever so well worth keeping calm and carrying on for...

Today I'm grateful for Brandon and Mark at the stoma department of the hospital helping me with some unrelated exasperating baggage related issues. That the cab for this evening that the cab driver said he'd book with another company as he couldn't do, he didn't book before I told him that the time I needed it had changed (pay attention at the back there...there might be questions later!) All I need now is for the Tesco delivery to have in it the things I need to take with me and for them to come in time for me to get changed and get in the aforementioned cab. Oh and to stay awake!

Elemental

I'm grateful for books: for being able to have them and being able to read them...and sometimes for what's in them too!

I'm grateful for baths: for being able to have them (including the blessings of water, water heater, electricity and power to muscles to clamber in and out)...and for having one to have!

I'm grateful for my virtual friends. Sometimes this time of year I sigh for all the 'real' ones lost or loosening their connection. I aim to feel the love in/for everyone...even when I don't necessarily understand them or like what they say or do...or when they don't feel it themselves, especially towards me! I know this can be done remotely, but I embrace closeness too. It's so easy to judge others and decide they are not good enough in some way...but how does this make us good?

I'm grateful to Lynn for possibly the most beautiful card I have ever had bought for me...and that I now have nearly enough cards from people who know me to fill the shelf opposite the sofa...though I'm still grateful for the company ones to fill the gaps you understand!

I'm grateful I have to go out today because otherwise I wouldn't...I know I'll appreciate being out in the elements experiencing them first hand, well afterwards at least...

Personal best

I give thanks for a very pleasant evening in a curiously deserted city, pretty lights, tasty food and good company. My goodness, we all scrubbed up well...especially the boys! We had most of the restaurant to ourselves and were able to take a leisurely couple of hours over the meal before parting company. Much gratitude to Peter for driving me home where we stayed up until past one in the morning watching Red Dwarf Series 10 in typically age inappropriate fashion!

Today I've appreciated much leisure, reading some interesting things, watching some funny ones on TV and eating some tasty ones...including some unusual flavours of organic chocolate. I found these in Holland & Barratt on Sunday and hadn't tried them yet. I think this may be a personal best in abstinence for me!

Gratitude for fascinating the cloud formations and the unusual flat white appearance of the sea...looked like a bowl of cream, or a field of snow earlier. Yesterday it took on an opaque peachy tint in the late afternoon but today it turned icy blue before everything turned that rich blue of early night sky. The views from my windows never fail to entertain me, I still catch my breath and gasp at least once a week at some wonder or another and then burst out laughing at myself for being so easily amused. 

Ask and it shall be

When I was young I remember my mother used to say 'Repent, the end of the world is nigh!' when the weather was especially bad, so the last couple of weeks has made one wonder eh? I give thanks for all the changing drama of the skies, and sea, and living somewhere where I can see so much.

I give thanks for a lovely lunchtime nap as I woke up much too early today, and am not as lively as I have been the last couple of days... Loving all that I got done while the bustliness was about...

I give thanks for the cheery delivery driver bringing me some more of my necessaries...he has to come an awful lot because the company keep sending the wrong stuff or maybe just not sending it at all and it has to be chased or replaced. Very frustrating as, although there may be options, it's none of it especially optional...it really is necessary! But I understand that working in office where these are just items on a pc screen is very different from actually using them and they don't realise what inconvenience a careless click can cause. When the last few weeks of failed requests finally get corrected I shall be starting again with a new plan involving more input from me in the initial stages of the process and then perhaps less time sorting out failures...and less wasting the NHS resources too, as none of it can be sent back for someone who does want it to use! Maybe our lovely local pharmacy can be persuaded to come back on board on a regular basis, that would be perfick as they say. In the meantime, charities abroad will be grateful though, and their ostomate clients...and I give hearty thanks I live somewhere where any kit is available...let alone getting to choose the sort that suits you best!

Now the business of the day is out of the way I'm grateful I have something both festive and sociable to prepare for this evening...and that I've worked out something to wear that should be fairly warm and weatherproof in transit, snug and comfy enough for someone with my various 'special needs' and who feels the cold so badly but (in my eyes anyhow) a little more smart than a pair of tracky bottoms and a thermal vest. Yes, I know: leaving off tracky bottoms and thermal vests after darkness falls...well scary!

I've just been re reading the ASK Christmas menu...mmm, yep VERY grateful to Peter, Jared and Tara for indulging me on this! As I can go all year partaking of nothing more intoxicating than a rum and raisin toffee, I've been practising drinking alcohol so the first sip of fizzy wine doesn't send me straight to sleep and I can manage the second! I'm up to a 500ml bottle of Crabbies spread out over three days now...decadent or what? This experiment has coincided with the recent energy boost so clearly my kidney doesn't mind that much...

On a (sausage) roll

Well, I discovered something delightful this morning...they DO still make Sosmix which you used to be able to buy in health food shops everywhere and which health food shops everywhere have been insisting they don't. Mail order only as far as I can tell and in rather large quantities. That's fine...I can share! In the meantime I've bought some ready made veggie sausage rolls of a kind I've not heard of before which leads me to optimism...all the ones I've ever tried have been gross. Unless home made by me from Sosmix...much munched by carnivores as well as those not...

It was a no brainer really...give a woman without a dog or a man a bit of extra energy for a couple of days and if she cooks and cleans on the first one on the second she has to shop! Bit annoyed that I forgot to look for one thing but I got everything else and more besides as everything I wanted seemed to be on special offer! Having some good news that money I thought was lost was found helped a bit of spreefulness along too...Profiteroles and sparkly tights, yum yum! I give thanks for some very cheerful staff in some very empty shops.

For the fresh (ie almost freezing) wind and the sun, showers, thunder and power cjuts everything else the heavens have thrown at us today. For the khaki sea with cream lace trim and bulky tankers on the horizon appearing almost ethereal in the darkness of rain clouds there. For a just in time taxi back up the hill...the rank has been almost empty today. For being able to see nine sets of outdoor house lights from my kitchen window!

Mirror in the bedroom

Great gratitude that energy burst yesterday afternoon lasted me long enough to make a replacement skirt for the one I made a few weeks back which had shrunk in the wash. Shrunk lengthways not widthways so definitely not mince pie related and yes I washed the unused fabric before I started again... And got me doing a bit of tidying up and sorting out and Christmassifying in the evening when the light had gone, and then out of bed this morning quite early (for me) to tackle a whole lot more tasks I'd like to have done. Where does it come from? I don't know...but I sure as heck want to use it wisely wile it's here!

I've been almost ache and pain free as well so in a kind of gratitude loop I guess...not hurting means I feel more lively and I'm more lively because it doesn't hurt! Lovely it is, anyway, being lively...I'd almost forgotten how wonderful being can be! The mild weather has been a bonus too as I've been able to have the windows open to let in lots of fresh air while I've done all kinds of random things from polishing the big leather chair to tinting my eyelashes. I've been up on the steps the better to hang dangly things and down on my knees to wash the kitchen floor... but one of the most satisfying was making a delicious cake from the great recipe book inside my head, a chocolatey, fruity, spicy concoction, that I had thought would be nice with some kind of icing but isn't going to be around long enough for that!

After writing the above I thought I'd better try on what I intended to wear when I go out on Monday night in case any new tights were needed or any washing done...and after that (never a one shot thing is it?) horizontalness and my dressing gown called. I want to stay up for the end of the Killing later (now wouldn't that be nice, eh?) so it's time for a bit of Come Snooze with Me I think...though last night's had me in fits of laughter. The sorting of the sort of tree will have to wait for now...have a look at my new mirror in the bedroom instead and the sparkly things I have in there all year round... Hope you're all having a splendid Saturday by the way...I've got the Beat in my head now for some reason...save it for later, I shall.

Give a gr an inch

My 'weekend starts here' feelings a little premature, it seems. Quiet a sting in the tail of this one, that will be smarting for a few days yet. Oh well, give me a challenge to think of things to be grateful for...can't have you lot thinking I have a charmed life and and it's easy for me to look on the bright side because nothing dark ever happens in my world, eh?

It's particularly good when you are glum to practice NOT adding 'woe is me' clauses to any slightly positive thoughts you may have, or sentences you might speak...because the negative elves will grab those and grow them into a grotto of grot before you know it! It so easily starts with just a 'but...' or an 'if only' or 'I should think so too after...'

OK, first gratitude then is for knowing what I mean even if no one else does! Yup, feel better already!

Second for getting a few deckies up.

Third for Dr Chowdrey ringing before I started cooking an already very late brunch and being both sympathetic and helpful.

Fourth for yummy pancakes with lemon and sugar for that brunch...

Fifth, for realising after writing the above and not even allowing myself to think the things that I could have added that weren't so cheery and upbeat I actually do feel better. Bit of physical energy, but of mental get up and go...PLUS, the sky outside has cleared and there's some more light to do some stuff now I'm up and runnign again... which is always a bonus this time of year

Alchemy

Sun rays breaking through early cloud and making patches of gold on the silver sea, the first thing I saw today...

And talking of gold...Stunning Hun horse jewelry and tableware (On the BBC4 Dark Ages documentary)....Visigoth architecture too...

Phoning Volunteering in Health to say I couldn't get the crafts I'd made them to them...and finding they had moved premises and I could! Appreciation and a hug always welcome too...

Great acupuncture and much mirth with Rachel (and more hugs!)...and some of her yummy chocolates too! Exchanging gifts and cards... I now have two cards from humans (as opposed to companies) and something to put 'under the tree'...

A sense of weekend after several days run in with inanimate objects and people...Oven chips and fish finger sandwiches are called for methinks...

Supernumerary

Happy waking up warm two mornings in a row
Happy slice of sunrise above the sea...ditto
Happy freezer, with happy hot cross bun inside it
Happy cooker to cook it, and scrap of foil to wrap around and keep it from burning or going dry
Happy date. I know dates are arbitrary but I still get the same delight in repetitive or palindromic ones I first did on 6/6/66 (eight years old and rather disappointed to work out I'd be 'quite old' when the next one when the numbers that matched came along!)

Writing that I just twigged that it's double the first one that I saw and
Writing that in Swype I twigged what a feeble dictionary it has...'palindromic' and 'twigged' are in common usage, aren't they surely? (She says sounding like Leslie Neilson in Airplane...) What? Oh, well never mind, I never aspired to common!

Unless we live to be very old, or they change the way this calendar works, we won't get another day/month/year one for a while so it'd please me if I could hit 'publish' nearish to twelve minutes past twelve (nearish is AT LEAST as much of a word as Swype, Swype!). That would be five twelves in a row and five twelves is thought rather highly of by some. I was in Thailand when the king celebrated his sixtieth birthday and as this meant he had passed through each of their possible years (twelve animals, five elements) there were celebrations indeed with massive processions through the land. I wasn't invited specially you understand, but I was invited to watch some of them on the TV of a policeman there... nothing to do with a crime but because he was a friend of a friend who had given us a letter to take and say hello. 

Actually I suspect that a lot of internet users might have the same idea and the systems may jam...like when you try to send a Happy New Year text at one second past midnight. I once saw the new year in with someone who worked at a major mobile network and up until midnight she was telling us about the new process they had in place to stop this happening. It happened. The second sentence she spoke on that particular 1st of January was 'this shouldn't be happening!'...

Writing the above two paragraphs has made me feel I have had a life less ordinary and I like that. All of us have of course, but some of us like the feeling more than others. Is that ordinary or extraordinary, I wonder?

Roughly right

Today I give thanks to myself for negotiating a long journey from damage limitation to opportunity central so well. During the bumpy ride I saw some amusing and uplifting cards in Oxfam when looking for one for a friend's birthday today, and this is ME so I bought it for me!

Also for...the clear skies and stunning stars on Sunday night. Enjoyed them, keep remembering them and keep forgetting to say... And the glory of going out this morning in the crisp cold air, frost in the shadows, sun on my face and the sea ice blue haze with sparkles as the mist rose off it. Caught my breath with the beauty of it, brought tears to my eyes and a skip to my step...

Lush Reincarnate henna shampoo...ooh, lovely smells of...hmm, well, henna actually...and I'm a bit of a ginger again for Christmas!

Getting the going-in-the-post cards written. My hand was pleased it didn't have to hold the pen for long and if anyone gets a card and thinks 'who on earth is that?' it may be from me! I'm grateful I remembered to take them out with me...it would have been even better if I'd remembered to go to the PO but hey ho I forgot to take the rubbish out as well so there was a double reason for a trip down the stairs again.

For being ho ho ho home again and ready for tasty freezer fare to heat up and the sofa cushions to give me a hug...Remembering a big snuggly hand knitted sweater in the back of my bottom drawer. Mmm...warm...

For the cheery folk at the medical supplies company I'm currently dealing with. I'm talking to them a lot lately as there've been a few problems to solve...would prefer not to have the problems but getting to talk to cheery people is always a bonus!

And finally for John Suchet saying of reporting on the troubles in Ireland  'if you've upset both sides so you know you've got it roughly right'...Yep, I can relate to that!

Pick a card

Pick a card, any card, don't tell me what it is...I shall use my telepathic powers to read your thought and send you that very one! Pause for spooky music...

Only winding you up...you know telepathy is a load of twaddle, right? So you're not getting a card, right? Well, definitely not if you don’t believe it! At least not the one you picked...Unless... Unless what?  Yep, still winding you up!  It's interesting to me what a variety of chords were struck or alarm bells rang when you read the word 'telepathy', but your experience and interpretation of life is your business...What you know, how you know, how sure you that are someone else is wrong...

One of the (many) things people find exasperating about me is my disinterest in taking sides. Why would I want to take sides? If we take sides do we have to take a bottom and a top as well? Sounds a lot like a box to me...or a cage... It seems to me if we limit what is true for us to what others tell us is so we are limiting ourselves indeed. If we're ‘scientific’ there'd be nothing for us to find out, if we're ‘spiritual’ we'd have no enlightenment of our own. I'm always taken aback by the vehemence of the polarity between these two conceptual stamping grounds, their reluctance to see anything ‘otherwise’...I know that millions are expended and millions have expired attempting to enforce various forms of rightness, so I understand it is of tremendous importance to many that they are on the side of ‘right’ and that every one left is wrong...but I’m sorry guys. you still mystify me! Oops, now all I can think of is INXS!

The point is that I got some stuff and turned it onto some other stuff to give to some other people I know. Love and creativity were involved...notoriously difficult to quantify, classify, pin down and stamp out by commandment or creed. As far as I can tell in some way they touch us all wherever we think they come from and whatever we think they are for. That’s good enough for me..
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Have a splendid day/week/life folks...May none of your wonder and wonderfulness be curtailed by men in lab coats or robes! Or women for that matter, especially women with pointy noses and unbrushed hair! Can anyone else smell burning?

Give thanks for all that feels good, and all that feels right, for all that you know, and all that you have yet to learn...and all that you don’t know yet you have to learn! Step back from the warzone of other peoples’ words and worse as often as you are able, and love and create and play.

Hug is all you need

Yesterday I was pleased and so proud of myself getting the laundry and ironing done and the sheets changed on my bed...these tasks require grip function as well as stamina and, being short on both, took two days to complete.  My delight was somewhat marred by a mid-night technical malfunction just a few hours later but hey ho back to the wash board eh? I didn't feel quite so philosophical in the night, damp and shivering and losing my grip in other ways. I tried reminding myself how lucky I am not to have someone warm and loving to share my bed...and be disturbed by these occasional night time dramas...but my heart wasn't in it somehow. Sometimes hug is all you need!

I was on better form this morning. I chuckled when I spilt the pancake batter, and was particularly chuffed a) there was some left in the jug and b) what wasn't in the jug was on the wipe clean work surface. I revised my angst of the night to gratitude for the modernities such as ostomy equipment that works most of the time, waterproof sheets that don't double as saunas, washing machines, Febreze...oh, and the wherewithal to buy an extra set of spares, I think it would be less of a trauma if I had a drawer full of clean dry things always waiting so a trip to ebay is on the agenda for later today. I also considered what it would be like sharing the bed with someone NOT warm and loving. We leaky people have enough trouble negotiating the association between incontinence and incompetence to maintain our sense of self esteem, and better to deal with it alone than with someone accusatory, selfish or unkind. See, my life is a bed of thornless roses looked at that this way!

This afternoon I've been making cards again. Heavens it's a struggle...but this did mean that for once I was rather grateful I haven't many friends...

I give thanks for the fleet of little pink space ships after the sun went down yesterday and the rich blue evening sky. What do you mean they weren't little pink space ships?  

Faith moves

My Saturday superstore of thankfulness includes...

Fire ants making a raft of themselves to cross water, and the miraculous properties of Gotchscuarded sand. Yep, been watching QIXL again!

Sleep...restorative, soul releasing sleep!

Not sleep...if pain or noise or some other discomfort seems to be keeping you from it, you can often let it go and simply rest in 'not sleep'. I'm grateful I know how!

The smell of toast, the taste of toast and butter!

A really well thought out 'corporate card' from the medical supply company...A photo of all the staff lined up holding balloons spelling the message with a key on the back so you can see who you've been talking to. And the inside printed with signed greetings from some of them like in an 'office' card for birthdays. It's also very l-o-n-g so ideal for those of us who don't have many to put on our mantelpieces!

The Human Writes charity for ensuring every prisoner on death row gets a card as well as their penfriends.

New to me books from Amazon...

And finally a plea...

This time of year as mid winter approaches I long to be out in the deepest countryside, away from concrete and tarmac and the tinsel trail. A hill would be good, a mountain would be marvellous...The yearning is thankfully less intense now I mostly only glimpse the seasonal stresses and celebrations virtually, and can look out at bare trees and sea even when going out. But it doesn't go away and I'm not sure if I'm grateful I can remember what I'm missing or not! Would anyone who feels moved to do so like to join me in creating the wish for mountains to come to me? Thank you so much!

Beautiful mind

I give thanks that the Post Office here located the package of mine they'd lost yesterday...apparently it was just exactly where it should have been all along. Well, we can all identify with that can't we? How many times have you thought you're just ready to go out somewhere and then it comes to your attention that your keys or phone or something else vitally important has disappeared off to another dimension for a while?

I'm grateful to Jenny for coming to do some vigorous chores...and she was grateful for a ride back down to town in the taxi I took, to collect the errant package and the shopping that remained unshopped in the unexpected twists and turns of Thursday. I'm grateful I had the energy...just about. Sometimes I feel very strongly that I just cannot do some physical chore, I get so unbelievably exhausted I could weep, but that's when my unbelievable mental strength comes in! Body's in bits but my, what a beautiful mind I have!

Had a fumbly go at making cards with numbly fingers earlier. Sellotape is a major challenge...double sided style Krypton factor-esque. If you receive something hand crafted from me this year remember it's the thought that counts...they are beautiful in intention...

Couldn't work out what the noises were at first yesterday evening...then I recognised strong wind and heavy rain! Partly due to post acupuncture beflufflement I'm sure, but it's been relatively still and dry here for several days and my ears seemed to have forgotten! Tad on the nippy side now... I love the variety of our weather here...though I don't intend to be out in it for a few days. Some serious recharging required!

Consider this

Today I'm giving thanks for... 

* It being one of those days when you can see much more clearly and further than the apparent slight fog suggests...literally and metaphorically of course!

* Tackling the various challenges with a good heart and humour, and the ones that arose when the first ones went awry...

* Friendly staff on help desks with whom to discuss some of the aforementioned awryness

* Dogs driving cars http://uk.news.yahoo.com/rescue-dogs-taught-drive-car-015357820.html and Bob asking for a Christmas list...

* That thing I do. That thing that's a cross between spinach and feta pie and potatoes Dauphinoise. Spinach, feta, potatoes, pinenuts, garlic, nutmeg and cream...it's a very fine thing indeed!

* Remembering REM

* That everything is OK in the end... whenever and whatever you think the end might be!

Lighten up

I really should remember to take my camera to bed with me this time of year, we have some lovely sunrises...You have to time the looking right though or you can be completely dazzled - it seems to be as low over the horizon as the top of this terrace is high. I had my bed facing the window when I first moved in, thinking sipping morning tea whilst watching the spectacle would be a delight, but it was too bright to open my eyes! I give thanks for the renewing glory of nature, and the memory of my optimism and strength when I first came to live here. 

Even if there's not a colourful sky first thing, there's the wonderful golden light. I only discovered the other day that the first hour after sunrise and before sunset are called the 'golden' or even 'magic' hours. I give thanks for them twice a day sometimes! Hear it is again lighting up that tree outside (in fuzzy felt phone mode...pretend you've had a drink!). People occasionally say it's a pity it's there as I'd see more sea if not...but I'm happy with my tree in all its moods and costume changes...

Her upstairs was having a hard day yesterday. She went out and came back again so many times, each one more stompy and slammy and cross. Clearly she was looking for someone or something, or, I suspect, someone with something! Knowing how hard it can be when you are dependent on someone for something (whatever is is whether you get it or not!) I felt rather sorry for her.


Every time it seems as if someone lets you down, lets you go or lets you know you're not the first thing on their mind they are actually doing you a great service as you can learn to look after yourself a bit more.  By looking after yourself you are looking after them, and if they didn't feel like doing whatever it was they didn't do then it wouldn't have been done with love anyway would it?

We are all one, all on the same journey, but we may be travelling different by different routes and means. If you're in a sailboat and you're trying to share the way with someone on a horse you may be avoiding a lot of potential distresses if you can manage not to be too mutually dependent...

Anyway, I give thanks that I know this because whatever vehicle I'm using, it seems to be made for one...and yes I get fed up when I have to get out and push it but as long as you keep it light... Oh and that I dropped the mince pie before I vacuum the floor. There's probably less fluff on the carpet now too!

Brown study

You know sometimes I write that I'm extra tired for no particular reason? Well today I must be tired because I've been so busy, well that and being in such a state of disrepair! As well as the usual physical challenges, I decided I needed a new place to store the second hall carpet remnant. The intended hall floor would be ideal but no takers for that task yet so I was womanhandling it around the flat into various positions for some time this morning before settling on a spot in the livingroom next to the tall bookcase. It's a brown carpet and a brown bookcase so that'll do for now...You can hide an elephant in the room as long as there's something else large and grey!

I've also expended quite a bit of energy trying to find out why the stats on my blog kept changing. I don't mean sometimes there'd be more people reading than at other times, but the number of readers of a post would fluctuate up and down from one moment to the next and 'all time' number was going up and down by a few hundred at a time ...so I sent a query to the blogger forum and received a reply telling me that when I started working on my blog instead of obsessing about figures then I'd get genuine readers instead of just referrer spam (which apparently is now being removed on the spot). Is it me or is this a little rude? I only look at the figures cos blogger make a big thing about displaying them...and I've never seen them change before my very eyes before. I'll never have a high readership because I'm unlikely to live long enough for vast numbers of people to care about spreading gratitude and oxytocin, and when vast numbers of people do, there'll be no need for my blog! I said I hoped his day was filled with joy, he sounds as if he needs a bit of love sent his way, it must be very frustrating dealing with people who don't know as much as you!

Yesterday I was being batted to and fro by the GP's surgery and the medical suppliers both of whom insist the others have the prescriptions I need. Actually it's just need the products I need but I guess none of them know what it's like to be low on such essentials from personal experience, so I'm sending them lots of love as well! Less gritted teeth love to the delivery man who brought such items as are ready for me...and much gratitude for the much needed goods too...

I'm grateful I made some tasty lunch (having somehow missed breakfast along the line) and for the steadfast support of the sofa beneath me. For wake up boo sunrise, end of the world is nigh grey skies and light at the end of the tunnel rainbows...This is the kind of thing - aren't they glorious? http://www.bbc.co.uk/weather/pictures/20329000

May you all be well, may you be happy, may you be at peace...

Checking in

Well, the sun is over the yardarm and I shall be more than ready for sofa time when I've tip-tapped out a few words and made some veggies into some munchies! All I've had since breakfast is a mince pie but I did have a massive bowl of my date and cinnamon porridge to start the day. If it's good enough to keep Scotsmen wearing kilts it's good enough for me!

I was thankful for more energy today after a great deal of conservation of same in the preceding twenty four hours. I'm grateful for a well timed and cheery cab driver; for Eileen, Silvana and Linda making my trip to the surgery for bloods such an enjoyable and friendly time (yep, even such apparently unpromising material can be turned into fun!); for giving in to the urge afterwards to head in the opposite direction from my in town tasks to partake of a refreshing mug of tea and more chitter-chatter at an almost deserted Eastcliff, for Laura saying she'd pick me up in town as she was heading up here afterwards so some useful grocery purchases made and transported extra easily; for an excellent session of home beautification made especially delightful a) because the materials used were almost all pre-owned or left over from other projects and b) as it proceeded with such mirthfulness and good cheer. The stunning fractal poster so kindly given to me by Janet has finally been hung now the setting I had in mind is up to scratch and it can receive the appreciation it is due...and the scarf I made on Saturday to go with my flower power jumper has been admired for it's charm and compatibility. 

Talking of stunning: have I mentioned where I live is rather easy on the eye? I have? Well, I guess I'm going to have to do it again then...

Wrapped up

I give thanks for lots of rest today. I considered staying in bed as feeling so bleurgh but I wanted to try out some knitting stitches and that's easier up and dressed. Didn't do a lot more than that though and much appreciated the lack of physical activity though my brain's been going a bit, been having a grand old think!

I'm grateful for a wrapped up hot water bottle on my sorely kidney, a snuggly throw for my front and a simple diet...toast for breakfast, a carton of soup for tea and an Eccles cake in between so hardly any washing up either!  I give thanks for books and catch up TV, for my daydreams and my snoozes... Oh, and for all the work that's been done to get the railway lines round here usable again. Some people have moaned about the delays but that is very ungrateful!

Can do

Thank you for the day...

when the hot water bottle is still warm enough in the morning to give some comfort to my chilly bits

when I remember what a comfort and joy it can be to be alone

when there's a pre-Christmas delivery slot left at Tesco's

when a majestic and graceful UK Border agency craft slips into port here and I happen to look out of my window at just the right moment to view it pass through the slice of shipping lane I can see

when I spend a contented afternoon knitting a 'can-can' scarf whilst listening to lectures by biologist philospher Rupert Sheldrake on his theories and research and eating Maya Gold chocolate...chaos, creativity and cosmic consciousness all together now!

Metaphorically speaking

Sometimes I write paragraphs on here and then delete them as inappropriate content. Sometimes life throws up things I take a while to see the opportunity in, and do a lot of expressing to myself in the meantime to get to the point of accepting, and accepting the gift.

Not getting what you wished for can be a gift, as can not being 'got'...or being forgot! I've had times in my life when I've had people to talk to, personal friends or trained professionals...but you come to realisations yourself when you are ready to, no matter what answers or advice you receive...and I'm grateful for pausing, considering and deleting from time to time...for all I learn along the way, in my own way... Gratitude too for the peace to enjoy an assimilation and assessment day, a duvet day of sorts. 

A paucity of social contact can be a blessed thing, I blunder so through the minefield of what should be said and left unsaid, what should be done or felt...and I give thanks for appreciating myself, which for various reasons not everyone does! I give thanks for a sliver of sunset last night and slice of sunrise today. For some cheering messages from friends and inspiring words and images on websites including optimistworld.com...oh and that you don't need to put http:// or www. any more! For the washing up done and some forgotten toffees remembered...

 The majority of the communications I receive are spam comments on here, automatically generated and generically worded in ways to approximate praise and perhaps a query or request (with various degrees of success). I'm suspect there may be a metaphor in that!

Swiss roll

I'm grateful for a better night's sleep. The joints have been rather more generous lately and I left my bedroom heater on 'anti freeze' so the cold didn't wake me up either. For waking up to a beautiful sunny morning (when I'd de-fogged the window) with a bright white plane and contrail slicing across a deep blue sky.

The weather was too glorious to miss and I was very grateful for getting myself moving and out there before my dental appointment and between that and the acupuncture one... Numerous mature couples were heading along the sea wall to marvel at the mudslide now blocking too much of the line for any trains to be running at all, but I had to get back into town and enjoyed watching an enthusiastic black lab running for a ball instead. Last week it was all grey and churning spray and this time flat sea and pools reflecting the shades from above. Always changing and always wonderful...

I'm grateful my dentist was able to restore a 'restoration' and my Radar key enabled access to a clean, spacious and necessary loo...and for one last broccoli and stilton turnover left for me again at the Swiss patisserie. I took it down to eat by the beach and then went back for one of their special handmade chocolate novelties for a gift, and then couldn't resist one of their little handmade chocolates to try...only it was nearly needle time so I got one for Rachel too...and then afterwards what goes around came around and the shop owner made her a big mug of tea with the treat of a Christmas cake slice from the same bakers and Rachel shared those with me!

She had to go for her next patient then and I looked out of the window as I finished my portion and saw this strange shape in the sky. It seems almost familiar but I can't think why...

Give us this day

Well, yesterday was a day and a half by my standards. Despite being nourished, nurtured and entertained I was pretty much ready for bed by the time I'd been up for twelve hours. We'd already ascertained that Peter's nearest rail station was only doing buses so a trip home would take a silly amount of time and he'd offered to drive me to Exeter St Davids. We set off at random o'clock not bothering to aim for a scheduled train as the schedules seemed to be totally out the window due to floods on the main lines. When we got there the departure boards showed two trains heading west one in about 45 mins, one in about 55 so I went to the ticket office and asked if both stopped here and the young women spent ages looking at her screen and finally said they were hoping to get one out in a few minutes and to listen out for announcements. And there was indeed one and I was indeed chuffed to have it just when I needed it...especially when it set off and I realised not only were trains on this line running to fit in with replacement buses from elsewhere...but due to a mudslide on one track they had to negotiate their timings so they met at the place they could shunt backwards and forwards and pass! This meant a silly amount of time on a train but that's better than a long bus ride AND a long train ride by far! So much gratitude to Peter and the staff who were all being so friendly and helpful, including turning the heating up to tropical temperatures. I'd not felt properly warm since I got on the bus to Exeter in the morning and suddenly I was boiling hot, but the upshot of that was that when I finally arrived here I abandoned the idea of seeking a cab and walked up the hill to cool down. Walking uphill and needing to cool off both almost unheard of these days...

We'd been in Sidmouth earlier and I'd continued my quest for a loaf of rye mix bread. I know it exists...you can often get in in the nearest Co op and Tesco but not for the last couple of weeks, so that means bread with no rye or all rye and I like in between so I ask in every bakers I find. None in the ones in Sidmouth, but we went in a (literally) 199 year old grocers and general store to look at the amazing vintage woodwork and found they had one loaf left of the very stuff. I have tried it and it's excellent...and also huge, so three quarters are in the freezer to keep me going for a while. It has a rather handmade feel to it, though perhaps not quite as much as the ciabatta a baker I saw on TV earlier describe as having the a pre cooked texture of the 'inner thighs of one's best beloved'!

I'm grateful for some very speedy ebay purchase/delivery turn around times this week. Especially delighted to see a very narrow but 3 ft long parcel containing carpet door plates in the place where a doormat would be if there were one inside the communal letterbox...there's no reason why it shouldn't have gone through but I somehow thought I'd have to go down the sorting office to collect it. 'Do not bend' it says on several places on the packet...I know I'm a bit of a weakling these days but I think you'd have to be trying pretty hard to do so!

Finally grateful for the very slow speed with which I've progressed through this day...love the gadding about but it tires me too! Today I'm going even slower than we drove through a rather deep flood remnant yesterday...

Funny old thing

Yesterday afternoon I was fretting a little that my Tesco delivery might not come as I hadn't had the text advising of the likely time in the two hour slot and it was right at the end of it when the man with the van arrived. The note to call on arrival was missed off his list as well but he thought it sounded like me and decided to ring anyway, though he didn't need to as by then I had seen his van and was on the doorstep panting for provisions! I'm a bit of a food hoarder, I wouldn't really have gone hungry for a while, don't you fret either!

Later I had 'her upstairs' having a drunken rant on the landing that the the freeholder wanted his money and I'd better get my finger out etc. The tribunal decided some time ago, as was only right and proper, that his only legal recourse to payment was to request legal sums in a legal manner and I really do wish he would and be done with it! I was very grateful I had the chain on the door though quite what it had to do with her I'm not sure.

This morning I was grateful I remembered my skirt! If you've been wearing leggings for a few days, tights on their own feel not too different but, I suspect in this funny old thing we call society, they would not be considered acceptable attire! I was grateful the hospital was warmer than the bus and the surgeon, treated me with the good humour and respect I've come to expect from him...though I realise it's best to have as few expectations in life as possible! This afternoon I had an even more delightful than expected trip out with Peter, taking in places I'd not been to for years and even some I'd never been to before! And as afternoon turns into evening I am experiencing something I honestly cannot remember the last time I did...I am having my dinner cooked while I do whatever I like! I like this a lot! Though using someone else's computer is proving surprisingly challenging...if there's legibility and intelligibility in this post there will be post post gratitude I'm sure...

Old guys rule

Last night I gave thanks to Richard E Grant for showing us some more fantastically extravagant hotel glimpses. I don't have Sky for its own channels and the premise of this programme would normally have left me disinterested, but his charming exuberance makes it especially entertaining. Some are born middle aged, some have middle age thrust upon them and some rebel against its onslaughts with a defiance that would make a teenager proud...Bring it on, Mr G! Respect also to Alan Rickman (always, but particularly) for appearing a) apparently naked and b) in romantic competition with Colin Firth in his latest comedy film. Not bad for nearer seventy than not! I wonder if they adhere to the guidelines on here....'studies have shown' chocolate, marriage, housework, muscles and t-shirts (From Old Guys Rule?) keep men in good condition  http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/5-surprising-health-boosters-men-091909713.html

For some reason talking of superannuated adolescence has reminded me to give great thanks that Peter has agreed to meet me after my appointment tomorrow for a drive down the other side of the estuary and a spot of late breakfast. Me and that bony dude with the agricultural implement hung out together for long enough for any emotional support to be largely unnecessary even if the news were not healthy, but it's an hour each way to the hospital on public transport and it would be good to do something else with the day when I get there.

I give thanks for the ever changing weather prospects and performance. It's so strange to go to sleep with a storm raging at the windows and to wake up and it's calm, the sky is streaked with watery blue and the birds tweeting updates to all around. I give thanks for being able to enjoy the drama without any crises, for being (mostly) warm and dry throughout the storms and for a Centre Point advertisement reminding me not to be smug about being snug...

Also for the golden hour which brings autumn colours to the tree outside even when the branches are bare...they won't keep still in the breeze though!

Suffice it to say

What a delightfully Sunday day it's been. I'm grateful for a humungous lie in, followed by delicious sweet potato, parsnip and ginger soup making and, just as I had started creating a chocolate spice cake to follow, as unexpected visitor. Well who could blame them eh? It did smell good! So I had the great pleasure of company for lunch, and also someone to share the fun of the spectacularly entertaining Brazilian Grand Prix...plus lots of lovely cups of tea made for me! Can't think of anything else really...but hey, nothing else is required...

Having a tinkle

Sometimes I don't know what I'm going to write on here. Sometimes I don't actually feel particularly grateful for many aspects of my life. There are things I'd prefer considerably less of, and others - not the things that Mastercard is any good for unfortunately - of which I'd like a whole lot more...

Something I've noticed though as the practice behind this blog becomes more of a habit is that despite despondency and even despair about such matters I can remain aware of, and aware of gratitude for others. So I'm very grateful for that! Last night for instance, with a very uncomfortable body and mind, I could still appreciate the relative comfort of my bed.

Today I've been grateful for clothes to keep me warm and dry, leg strength to take me down to the sea, and cosiness to come home to again including a large jacket potato with leeks and mushrooms in cream cheese and pesto sauce. For people to chat to a little while, for a hilarious episode of QIXL from a few weeks ago and that my grandmother's musical box that stopped working thirty years or so ago...until last night...is still happy to provide a tinkle whenever required!

Flow(er) power

Felt a bit sorry for myself yesterday morning, so very grateful when I went to see the sea and it was so fabulously rough and churning. Very exhilarating, and the stiff wind blew my troubles away...very nearly blew me away once or twice into the bargain. There were various folks taking pictures but I could hardly hold my camera still and decided after watching the ITV crew filming an item that they'd have the best shots and to leave it to them! In the end they scrapped most of the talking but kept footage of the train winding beside the crashing spray to show over and over again on the main and local news...describing them as a 'tourist attraction'...can't argue with that!

A tissue was whipped out of my pocket when I got my gloves out before crossing the road and I was a bit annoyed as I hate making litter and there was no way I could catch it... However, it blew down the street towards the seafront, met a gale coming round the corner, rounded a car and started back up the other side coming to rest at my feet on the opposite pavement without me having to go out of my way at all. I couldn't believe it! This was after acupuncture obviously...when my super powers are at their strongest! Going with the flow(er) power...

I'm grateful for a better headspace last night and this morning, for which I thank Rachel profusely as usual. The treatment is wonderful value, especially as I get a free chat and hug as well!  Today I've been really appreciating a quiet day with not too much bustling about. Can't really get into anything but it's amazing what you can achieve when you're not involved in one particular task or project. It all goes to slow the flowing drain of deconditioning...

Day of the living

There've been a few opportunities in the last week to stretch myself physically and I'm grateful for those, as if one stays too much within a comfort zone one can find its boundaries shrink. The comfort zone of my body is encompassed by the tasks required to keep it and my home running but sometimes my spirit needs more than the carefully paced instalments in which this is normally carried out, and if physical ability is not to deteriorate further, it's important to literally keep as active as I can even if I can only do so for short periods of time...

I'm also grateful I now recognise the very specific symptoms of renal insufficiency fatigue...otherwise I might think there was something the matter with me! It's not like the flu, or 'normal' exhaustion following exertion, or convalescence...though it's similar to all three mixed up with a hefty dose of zombie thrown in. You'll have seen it in the movies, I'm sure...unseeing eyes and stumbling gait? Yep, classic signs of advanced kidney malfunction... The state of the clothes? Well, the associated neuropathies can make taking a pride in your appearance a burden. Of course I'm not personally craving human flesh yet...but anaemia and poor protein absorption could lead to that, you never know!


Watched a BBC3 programme made by UK young people very unhappy with their bodies, filming themselves and the treatments and procedures they go through to change their appearance. Very moving in several ways especially just after reading of a teenager almost dying of cold and malnutrition in the thirties...

I'm in grateful awe of the mystery of life for providing these random juxtapositions the better for me to contemplate the mystery of life... The Wikipedia page about my elder siblings' father followed by the programme made for care home kids, seeing film of my grandfather on my own father's birthday, a TV famous person I thought I used to know not writing back to me while one I correspond with has a programme dedicated to his infamy...and other serendipitous synchronicity I've mentioned here.

OK, I'd better get on with getting myself outdoors again. I really want to try walking down the hill today though it looks as if the wind direction may be against me...

Dropping off

The sun was up, the sky was blue...Yes, I was out to enjoy the view, and despite the dire weather stories you will have heard the afternoon was rather pleasant! I had too many things to do in town here to fit round my treatment tomorrow so I borrowed some of tomorrow's energy to do some today and organised a break in the bad weather to make it less of a chore...  although I was very appreciative of the sounds of the storm from snug inside my bed as I fell asleep last night...

Yesterday I also gave thanks for my totally delicious tea. I'd promised myself something easy, maybe just removing a cardboard sleeve and film lid as I felt so bushed, but there were things needed eating up and I came up with a recipe that didn't take much work and work that could be done in instalments with resting in between - baked slices of aubergine, topped with red lentils cooked in chopped tomatoes with onion, garlic, garam masala and paprika, and then grated cheddar and smoked cheddar with mixed seeds (sunflower, sesame, poppy and linseed) melted on top of that, all served with a little jacket potato. I would have paid good money for that...well, I did anyway but you know what I mean! Followed by date and cinnamon porridge for breakfast and a fresh baked lemon meringue pie for a lunchtime snack my taste buds have been particularly thankful the last twenty four hours...

The pie came from one of the new cafes here and I took it to the sea front with an enormous take away cappuccino as it was far too nice to be indoors. Another new cafe? Yes, we do seem to have a 'let us eat cake' attitude to the recession here. There are places closing down of course, but there were five soon to be ex Shoezone staff waiting outside their closed on Monday store for the lorry to come and clear out the last of the stock, cheerfully smoking and laughing and drinking Red Bull obviously oblivious to the fact that a more miserable demeanour might have been expected... 

I'm grateful for several great bargains among the things I'd gone to buy (all the more money to buy cake you see!), and can confidently predict that, should I be able to stay awake til tea time, I shall be removing a cardboard sleeve tonight as the shopping bags became rather heavy with serendipitous swag and I still haven't recovered enough to unpack them. I'm also very grateful that I have something of this nature to eat...and that I've been out so much the last few days to enjoy the autumn colours because there's hardly a turned leaf left on the trees in Devon now.