This year next year sometime never

I've done almost nothing since I got back from my arm wrestling trip except sleep, watch Lewis and write this. But hey...it was an excellent episode of Lewis. Very droll!

There were no seaside window seats on the train but I found an empty pair on the land side opposite one of the double doors with almost full length glass in them so I was able to get a great view of the crashing waves including, as the tide was in, the ones crashing over the train where it runs just a low wall away from the sea. Love it! But as always now, memories of pictures of the remains of the coastal lines in Japan after the tsunami last year came to mind. Those pictures of flung carriages touched me deeply as I could identify with the travellers more easily than those in cars. I give thanks for the beauty and the power and above all being able to appreciate it in safety.

The rest of the day was quite eventful in a win some, lose some kind of way. I'll spare you the details...novels have been written with less of a plot line than yesterday but the treatment when I got to it was less stressful than the getting to. No cannula involved! That's enough gratitudes for the rest of the day...I really don't like those! The nurse was horrified at my blood pressure when I arrived but it dropped somewhat after resting there. I've not had high blood pressure til the last few months and it's generally thought to be caused by the poor kidney function rather than causing it (it can go either way), but I suspect it's one reason I've been feeling rough and I may have to start treatment for that too as it's not lifestyle related so there's little I can do myself in the way of modification.

She also talked to me about my 'renal future' or some such term. I've been in a strange place since moving so unexpectedly from the terminal phase to remission with cancer. It's not a common journey. I'm not on well trodden ground with loads of hints and tips available... Counselling may be required for the loss of some of the things I've given to the hospice charity shop thinking I'd not be needing the things any more but would soon be needing the charity!

Joking apart, it's odd to have fought off one major cause of death only to find another one hiding behind it. Still, although it's not unmitigated good news, and there will be more tricky treatment decisions ahead as the disease progresses, I feel as if I've moved from the liminal limbo I've been in to another stage in my life now.

And look...random or not? Look back to the date of my first blog post. A year ago today I was praising the poppies I saw on the way to see Audrey...forebears of the poppies that delighted me yesterday... I started this as a project to give purpose to a terminal diagnosis of cancer. I can't imagine not carrying on...do you mind if I do? Will you still read it? I need five people to say yes! (There you go Kate...that's attention seeking for you!)

Anyway, back to the unmitigated good news. IV iron counts as day case treatment so Simply Health should give me back some of the money I give to them which will cover the catering for the day. I treated myself to warm banana and chocolate bread with cappuccino for breakfast at the veggie cafe on the green and then had lunch at the hospital restaurant. For this I'm exceptionally grateful as when I went in it was 'carvery day'...most unappetising to me... but behind the slabs of roasted farm animals was butternut squash and sweet potato soup. Yum, yum! A snip at £2.95 including roll and butter. And if you wanted to you could choose a chunk of rough sun dried tomato bread instead of a doughy white bap. Oh my word...my kind of food in a hospital!

The sun came out on the way home on the bus just in time to be able to see through the windows to the spectacular sea scapes of wild white topped waves. Great thanks for that. It was quite empty on the top deck so I could have the corner seat at the front with the best views, and also quite bumpy so hopefully the involuntary rhythmic twitches that went with the music I was listening to just looked like a lightweight body succumbing to poor suspension.

And I give thanks for the big leafy trees looking like hairy hippies dancing in ragged green clothes...though that could be due to spending too much time with hairy hippies at an impressionable age and might be lost on the rest of you!