Proper job

For most of my working life I worked for myself or in random combinations of part time posts doing all kinds of this and that. It wasn't until the last few years before I fell ill that I had a 'proper job' and discovered the feeling children have as the last day of term approaches can be replicated in adult life on the shifts before your leave starts. I have a similar sensation this afternoon knowing a weekend approaches with nothing that I especially have to do followed by a few chores on Monday and then, all being well, a few days away from home. No washing up and ironing! No cooking! Woohoo! I'm so grateful for the excitement of a little bit of an adventure on the horizon...For a new (to me) horizon on the horizon...

I give thanks for the great local Interlink driver who has now delivered three out of three packages of medical supplies to me. No kidding...actually to me, ha ha! This time he called when he was round the corner having gauged how long it takes me to get down the stairs from previous visits. Brilliant! I also give thanks for Charlotte on the Securicare team, my agent for aforementioned surgical wotnots. She is very helpful and also has a great sense of humour so discussing my needs with her is always a joy. Today we were chatting about working in call centres that are not dedicated to one company but where the advisors have to change spiel according to what flashes up on their monitors when the customer comes through. We've both done it and know how you can be completely floored by a simple non-product related question like 'What's the weather like there? Gratitude to Karen too for being there when Charlotte wasn't available so that I think a little glitch in my order may be on the way to sorted out.

I also give thanks to Mike the non-medical supply driver who after repeated requests to phone me on arrival, continued to do so today even though I was gassing on the phone with Charlotte and he couldn't through. Seriously...two good deliveries in a day? You wouldn't have believed it if you hadn't read it here I'd sure. I give thanks to Laura for finishing the lining paper on my bedroom walls and for doing some vacuuming for me before she left...

And for this, the 'secret garden' I found right outside my window today. Yes, I know all the reasons it's bad but it's pretty and it made me happy and that's good!




Right, well I've been practising being energetic-ish the last few weeks...if I'm going to have a few days' break I need to practise doing very little at all as well...so, I'd better make a start right now I reckon!

Dandelion head

Yesterday I gave thanks for the woosh of exhilaration the Red Arrows flying over brings..

For a very tasty tea of assorted dishes, some made by me...some made by those kind people in the Tesco kitchens

Today? For getting a few essentials done though feeling the truly essential thing was really to stay in bed.

For Jan saying she'd make me some more earrings...and to Rachel for giving me extra special acupuncture to fix meet my extra feeling of puncturedness today, plus helping me to choose a pair from the Fountain's vast handmade range to tide me over til she does. To anyone who wonders why new earrings are so important: I gave most of my jewelry away when I thought I didn't have long to live so now I'm still living I'd like some more! And before strokes and neuropathy damaged my hands I used to make a lot of my own so ordinary shop bought rarely seem right to me...

I give thanks for having more energy when I left the building than when I went in, and for Luders cake shop having an end of day sale and the Witch's Hat kiosk still being open for a take away tea to put that energy to good use! For a patch of blue sky for my picnic and the pigeon and gull plumage seeming especially glorious in the sunlight.

When a seagull looks pretty you're clearly in a mind altered state! I give thanks for having a dandelion head. Inside and out!

Walk right back

Today I'm giving thanks that although generally achy and very tired I'm not feeling as pole-axed as I did last night! I'm especially grateful as it suited Laura to come and put a coat of paint on the bedroom window frame this morning and I'd have felt a bit odd lying in bed as she did it! I'm also very thankful that she not only said she'd give me a lift to the library which is on her way home but that she'd bring me back as well. That was so appreciated...

I'm grateful to the kind and friendly library staff who tried to help me with the new 'self service' software. The fact that they had to 'try' instead of just touching the screen in some au fait way made me feel less incapable. The fact that it took two of them to succeed, positively exonerated!

I'm grateful that the neighbour with whom the courier driver left a (non) medical package was available and pleasant and gave me my parcel straight away...and that some of the garments in the scrag end of the La Redoute sale were to my taste and will, with a few adjustments here and there, be approximate to my shape as well!

But most of all today I'm giving thanks for the images an item on a 'lost' walker conjured up. This sentence says it all...'as emergency services looked for him he walked up to BBC Wales news crew who were reporting on the search'...

Any port

Today I'd hoped to write that I had achieved an ambition I'd held since before I became unwell. There's not many of those I haven't gently let go of, along with the chums I thought I might share them with. It was journey I'd longed to take... but the tides were against me literally and metaphorically and it wasn't to be. It was my last chance this year and I'd actually set my alarm to get up early enough and was all prepared so I could make the phone call and check half an hour before hand as you have to do. Oh well, it's a journey into remembering not to be too attached to hopes and plans. I need a lot of practice at that as I was very sad, but I remembered to be grateful glad I hadn't had anyone to go with as they'd have been disappointed too.

Boat trips are the perfect outing for me as you see so much sea and sky, plus parts of the land you don't usually get a chance to. There's a limited number of people involved, but hardly ever any roads, cars or buildings, traffic jams, out of order loos, queues and broken ticket machines. That's what you get if you travel on normal public transport especially in the height of the season, but that's what I did of course. Couldn't just sit there feeling sorry for myself all day could I? I'm grateful for my perseverance, some stirring top deck views, a delicious take away homity pie, for a short ferry ride that made me grin from ear to ear, and some good tunes to plug into them...For planning ahead with a ready meal tea...all I need to do is get upright again twice once to get it in the cooker, and once to take it out again!

Highly smiley

Mmm, I give thanks for the perfect weather for my stay at home day. For A Touch of Cloth making me laugh out loud. So much TV these days takes itself so seriously, even the so called comedy. This spoof cop show was refreshingly daft and droll if you like Airplane style visual gags and word play...and don't mind post watershed humour. I'm very grateful too for today's Tesco chap turning up just after I'd finished watching the first part and was wondering what to do until he was due, which wasn't for almost half an hour!

Also for some more of that brilliant Book of The Week. It touched on some of my favourite subjects twining language and science and thought provoking anecdotes of tribes with barely pronouncable names visualising the world in different ways. I marvelled at the author's exquisite skill with words, and snuggled under the comfort of the reader's northern vowels. It may be a while before I forget Native Americans planting corn 'when the leaf of the white oak was the size of a mouse's ear'.

So that's words...what about pictures? Haven't opened the Dark Roasted Blend jar for a while...

http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2011/11/dark-tower-found.html

http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2011/09/sensational-rock-formations-moeraki.

Oh, and these items were next to each other in the nature section, you know, so if you have any suspicions of sublimination, take it up with them...

Actually I just spotted this - the one immediately below those above...all stirringly beautiful but curiously,
juxtaposed...

http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2010/06/inside-wave-epic-photography-by-clark.html

If all that seems too far away and irrelevant to your lives... how about these British weather shots? So atmospheric...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/weather/feeds/19333018

And finally I give thanks for circumzenithal arcs. I saw my first yesterday, and having seen a photo on Facebook of Kirsty's first one a few week's back I just had to find out more. (Kirsty and I are meteorologically smugly hoping everyone else is rushing for Wikipedia right now!)

Skylight

Last night I gave thanks for looking out of the kitchen window while a hint of this rather dramatic sky was showing. I had to lean out to get the whole thing in so it's a bit wobbly I'm afraid but pretend you've had a drink or two...or have the wrong glasses on...

I was exceptionally tired and achy even for me yesterday evening and was grateful for an early night. I didn't feel bright as a button in the morning but the weather was and so went along with plan A which was to go to Dawlish for a boat trip along the bay. The bus was almost half an hour late so I have a lot of thanks when it finally turned up and got me there on time. I chose a seat on the top deck facing forwards and when we set off I realised there was only one other passenger I could see full face - a young man in the bows facing back. He was someone I used to work with some years ago! He lives in Dawlish now but had never been on that trip before either. Oh I do love a bit of random!

The weather changed when we were on the way back becoming chilly and grey so I gave thanks when either the right bus was on time or the one before it arrived late and I didn't have to wait for long. I was extremely grateful I defrosted a tub of spicy red pepper and sweet potato soup last night. At the time I thought it was dahl but soup was just what I needed when I got home! Deep gratitude too for remembering to catch up with Book of the Week before it became too late. It's a series of essays on mathematics but, believe it or not, entertaining and interesting being about how people (individually or culturally) think about numbers. If you're not feeling well, what could be better than homemade soup and being read too, eh? Think I might be grateful for another early night before long...and for the record button on the TV remote control!

Glow slow

First of all thank you for kind words regarding my 'deeper' ramblings. Sally said something on Facebook the other day about sometimes thinking she's made herself clear and then realising that others don't find what she has said so unambiguous...I can relate to that, relative! Though usually I can get the sentences out OK, I'm aware that what they mean is often considered odd. I know there are 'cuter' plights than that of those on Death Row but I guess the situation struck a chord with me. It often seems to me that if the US heard some of their citizens were being treated elsewhere in the way those within their penal system are they'd send the troops in! Nutrition, healthcare, sanitation, sanity...they can all be pretty minimal and you are classed as elderly when you get past 50 because you age so much quicker.  Of course a life sentence can go on way past the stage of practicality too. As long as someone else locks these people up we tend to still be in the age of the oubliette, I reckon http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/26/health/dealing-with-dementia-among-aging-criminals.htm

Anyway, enough all ready. I give thanks for my lovely IMAK gloves. Tried to take a picture but not got enough hands funnily enough! They are comfy and soothing and, I think, look rather funky too. Kind of goth granny! Now I need a full body suit in the same stuff and I'll feel great...I'll look extremely peculiar (which is probably why they don't make them!) but I'll feel just great!

I give thanks to the lovely Hanne down at the Breast Screening Unit who was so gentle. When I mentioned not looking forward to the pain she said she would do it manually ie, turning a knob instead of pressing a button. Ladies, if you've only ever had the button sort, ask for the knob sort in future. Much better!

For the gorgeous glow of rising sunlight on the wall outside my window, on the...is it called a reveal on the outside too? There's creamish paint on it and at dawn it's almost a metallic gold at first and then gradually pales to normal light. So beautiful...

I give thanks for a slomo day, getting up, getting in and out of the bath, getting dressed and the washing up and ironing done...that was about it. Gratitude too for the great Paralympic Come Dine with Me I recorded last night. Very funny jokes and tales that might seem inappropriate coming from anyone else...Anyway I'm going freezer diving for my tea. Happy Bank Hols everyone!

Matters of life and death

Last night I settled down with a plate of food and unpaused Come Dine With Me only to realise it was an episode I'd seen before, so was channel hopping a few minutes past the hour and tried one of the true crime channels I enjoy where a Couples Who Kill had just started. I read the mini blurb on the EPG, nope, didn't sound familiar... though by coincidence the man's name was the same as my penfriend's. Some of you already know where this is going, others may guess. Yes, despite never asking, never having been told and resisting every urge to check it out on line (because I felt I would then be communicating with the perpetrator of a crime rather than a person) clearly fate felt it was time I knew why Kostas was on Death Row...And now I do. What is there to be grateful for in this? Hmm, well for one thing it launched an interesting chat or two, including a touchingly perceptive comment from Bob on how I must have felt. I enjoyed those... Someone also asked me why I'd joined Human Writes and it was good to revisit that, especially in the light of new knowledge. (Simple...I was at home alone waiting to die. I went out and bought a Big Issue and there was an advert for people to befriend prisoners facing death alone. It seemed to be the one job for which I was qualified.)

You probably know by now I can find at least four sides to every coin*... Crime and punishment? How long have you got? Killing's wrong, right? But is all killing equally wrong? What about to put someone out of their suffering? What if you made them suffer? What about if they're not suffering now but they will do if you don't...or it's to save someone else's life? What if they really want to die and can't do it themselves(Tony Nicklinson)? What if they've killed people themselves and they really want to die (Ian Brady)? What if it's your job - you're an executioner or work in an assisted dying facility? What about a bodyguard? Policeman? Soldier? Soldier fighting on the other side? OK, so you've decided which sorts of killings count...now what are you going to do? Are you going to kill the killers? How? When? Where? What will you do to them if not? Is it kinder to kill them than to lock them up or vice versa? Who benefits? Who doesn't? To some, I know, it all seems very simple and clear but for many of us the moral maze has high and thorny hedges on its convoluted twists and turns. I considered some of the possible scenarios when I signed up to be a penfriend...including that they might protest their innocence...and that that might actually be true!

I have issues with the notion of 'just deserts'.For the defining of a person by their deeds. Find me a care home kid who doesn't! But it's one thing to have issues and ideals and another to live by them. I'm grateful for the chance to try. There have been many people left my life because they didn't feel I came up to scratch in some way, failed to please, failed to fit the nice box they'd made for me. There have been a few who have pretended to be friends for some rather unfriendly purpose of their own. Human Writes is not a dating agency. You don't look at snaps and rap sheets and choose your con...someone is assigned to you and I've always given thanks that Kostas is articulate and intelligent, interesting and encouraging to me in my struggles with ill health. His crimes could have been something I would have found much harder to deal with so I'm grateful for that.

Changing the subject somewhat I came home yesterday afternoon to find this on the stairs...I know it's a bit of a rough neighbourhood but even so I'm glad it only belongs to a pre-school pirate!



Today I have to go out in the pouring rain for a mammogram. There should be a law against that surely? I'm grateful the unit is parked not far away and that it only happens every few years. The mammograms not the rain!



*(inside, outside, front and back!)

Nutty slack

Mmm...I give thanks for acupuncture! Rachel was away last week so it seemed extra specially good...

I give thanks for the saxophonist busker playing outside the window while I relaxed. We get all kinds of street musicians here and mostly I like them all but a saxophone playing soothing ballads was as good as any 'new age' background sounds, and probably more so than the bagpipes or strumming punk...

I give thanks for digging my big feather winter duvet out of the cupboard under the stairs and taking it to be cleaned on the way into town, along with a couple of hasty bags of non doorstep recycling to the big bins in the car park near by. For the friendly shop keepers and taxi drivers round here...

I give thanks for light rain starting just as I emerged so I didn't feel I ought to do anything else remotely useful apart from come home...

I give thanks for some Dutch peanut cookies from the cheapy shop to go with my flop on the sofa afterwards cup of tea. Apparently they may contain traces of nuts...well one would hope so, eh?

It's life, Jim

Today I give thanks for getting better at being physically still... 'Poetically' still? Swype suggested on my phone...gratitude for the smile that produced too! Often, like last night, I wake from a log like state, uncomfortable in some way and seek to change this. Over the last few tubular years I've got used to the fact I can no longer leap (frog like?) from the bed, and now I'm trying to learn that if gently rearranging myself doesn't ease the pain it's unlikely repeatedly writhing and wriggling will be of any help. I'm still working on keeping my mind still, but I try to practise that too...

And from my stillness, I give thanks for the sounds of life around me, various kinds of creatures of the night making their noises, traffic (not very much I'm pleased to say), the odd train or plane, dogs and cats and their owners going through their evening routines...the settling down and the winding up again for another day.

Today I'm grateful that, eventually, I went out to where these are found though not always posing so photogenically.
No, not Australia...guess again!




It's not a place I make a habit of going even though it's only a few minutes away by bus and just a few minutes to the bus stop - even at the pace I move at these days. There's little about it that appeals to me although clearly it's popular with others, so I give thanks that the people to whom its charms appeal congregate there instead of milling around where I prefer to be. I always come away very grateful that I live here...but today I went to check out how feasible a boat trip from there might be as the bus stops a few paces from the jetty. There are trips from here of course but cabs would have to be involved to get to the departure point and some of the best ones go rather earlier than is comfortable for me... So I'm pleased to report that my excursion was not in vain and it looks as if an outing might be possible another day.

I give thanks for continuing to endeavour to build up my stamina even though, so far, it seems as if every day I try I seem to lose at least another to recovery. I'm grateful for my easy freezy tea cooking and that when I've clicked 'publish post' I can eat it and do very little at all...

Fast asleep

Um...I'm grateful for less joint pain than going out usually results in, and for sleeping rather better last night. I'm grateful to Laura for coming to put undercoat on the window frame and taking some things to the charity shop for me. I'm grateful for a nap on the sofa in the afternoon and for finally waking up and feeling ready for a spot of breakfast at around 3pm. I've read intermittent short fasts can be good for your health. Beats me why I'm not fighting fit then, or maybe I am? Maybe I'd feel even worse if I didn't lose my appetite now and then...

I give thanks for the sigh of the wind in the leaves and cleaning the bathroom floor.

Beached

Today I give thanks for the sunshine not being wall-to-wall as each time it emerged from the clouds I'd have a battle with myself about whether to go out or not (the flesh being far less keen that the spirit) and each time it went in I'd think I'd stay inside instead and actually got a few chores done this way. I give thanks for a clean bath and a ready-for-undercoat window sill...

The original plan had been to take a bus trip somewhere for a change of scene but as the day wore on and the clouds spaced out I decided a cuppa and slice of cake on the sands before the tide came in would have to do...and do it did! I don't want you to think I've stopped being grateful for living here...I'm always thankful that there are such pleasant places close by, and indeed for the strength sometimes to enjoy them, but my innate wanderlust didn't getsurgically removed along with my internal organs nor diminish along with my kidney function and sometimes I think not being able to get about a bit further more often will drive me round the bend! (Oh, if only...ha ha!)

I give thanks for getting the shopping that defeated me on Saturday when I kept walking into shops on the way back from the library and thinking Nah! Can't be bothered...For a sailing race with so many competitors so close packed on the horizon that it looked almost  like a new white cliff...for a book of Julian Barnes' essays from the charity shop for £1.50 (rather not risk something borrowed on the beach or in the bath) and for a busker with flourescent orange mohican singing eighties punk with electric guitar...

Groundhogging

First of all I have to give thanks to the rather camp and argumentative young man dominating the conversation in the garden next door yesterday evening...for encouraging me to get off my butt and get some washing up done! I'm still suffering rather with aches and stiffness and feeling so tired so I'm grateful for not having to get up early, nor do a great deal when I did!

I'm grateful for iplayers (or whatever the various channels call them) and for remembering to listen to the first episode of a new series of Fry's English Delight about perceiving and describing colour. This is an area where I've been delighted to meet Stephen Fry before, where I'm delighted to meet anyone there who's there willingly rather than being dragged with patient smile and politely raised eyebrows by me! I'm fascinated by this place where language and science and sight and culture intersect so that was a treat...And there was a contribution from someone who worked in paint colour naming. I remember when I first realised someone had to do that job (and also, at one time, name shades of sewing threads) and how much I wanted to too...

I'm grateful also that having sorted out some recycling to take to the bins downstairs, the sunshine broke through the mist and it was warm enough to take a towel and cushion and a book to finish, and that the grass, though damp, was not unpleasantly so... And especially that no one else on the terrace was doing anything noisy at the time. Somebody lent me the book. I haven't seen her for months but maybe I will some time and can give it back and say thank you. The taxi driver offered to lend me some too...so I'm grateful for that kind thought. Um, that's about it really... I'm not sure how it got to be so late. There seems to be washing up again!

Sunset trip

Today I'm even dozier than yesterday but since writing my last post I've been out for two short walks...one for pleasure with my friend yesterday evening and one for necessity between the library and the taxi rank today. So I've got something to be tired for you might say, if your mother, like mine, believed a grizzling child should be told if they don't stop they'll be given 'something to cry for'!

Much gratitude for discovering a little path new to us both between two coves a few miles down the road. Although no further than from here to the sea front perhaps it included lots of different views and scenery, winding through woods, over rocks, past a waterfall and around a miniature bay...delightful!

Afterwards we enjoyed the crispiest battered fish and chips from a takeaway voted the best in the south west again this year, some stunning cloud formations over the sea and a rather vibrant sunset. I have no complaints in being an afterthought in someone's day if so much pleasure can be fitted into a few hours!

I give thanks for all the above treats, for the necessary early night and long lie in to recover enough to get up again, and for achieving the essentials today including chopping some veg for a stew for my tea...oh, and the slow cooker cooking them for me!

Who am I?

Yesterday I popped by the cancer forum to see if there were any posts I felt I had anything of value to contribute to. Of course you can say something to everyone but there are usually plenty of responders who will say 'oh, poor you...now let me tell you all about me so you can go poor you back'! This is not my way...and I'm aware it doesn't always sit comfortably with others. A new member asked why I was there and I was taken aback, not in a 'don't you know who I am?' D list kind of way but because, as there's a medical synopsis in my profile, it felt as if they were questioning some other kind of validity. Why was I there? Why am I anywhere virtual or otherwise? It's a bit of an existential minefield really. Anyone who's cherished by any other creature, who works in any way that's of any benefit to others, or who brings pleasure by their beauty or charm or talent, seem to have more of a purpose on this earth, more of a ticket to ride as it were.

I give thanks for many and several opportunities to explore inconsequentiality yesterday. I've an inkling a good many of us have a somewhat over inflated sense of our own importance. Most of us are not evolved enough to feel love and compassion for all. We need the people we don't value so much to measure the ones we do by, we need to have it shown we're successful or special to others to value ourselves, and we may even need people we don't rate very highly to feel good about ourselves if we're nice to them!

I'm very sleepy tired today so I'm grateful for slowing down almost to stop. I'm grateful for the facilities...and eventually the inclination... to do the washing up, for Radio 4 programmes on iplayer, for a long hot bath and a big think. For deciding someone who I rarely see because it's 'too far' saying they are coming over to meet some friends here today and they could pop in afterwards, probably doesn't realise how rude this is and it's probably kinder not to say. See above paragraph and draw your own conclusions as to where this fits...I'm not entirely sure myself! Oh, and for the sounds of a steel band wafting up from the town. I love steel bands...I wonder if that's what the friends have come to enjoy.

A snap in time

Today I give thanks for knowing when to bite my tongue...even if sometimes I don't chomp on it as hard as I might!

For the modern miracle of conversations with people you don't know, have never even met...especially those precious moments when you feel there's some real communication there.

For women in the waiting room swapping menopause nightmare tales and making me feel rather lucky...and my GP finding this droll!

For my date and walnut bread...not quite as lush as the sun dried tomato and olive but eminently edible.

For wonderful weather when I was outside yesterday...dry and sunny and warm but with a stiff breeze and exhilaratingly churning sea. For all the beaming people enjoying the show...

For starting to get the hang of the relationship between the click and pic. With waves you have to be psychic and be able to tell what will happen in that gap...My kind of challenge!

And why not?

This morning I give thanks for rain, rain, wonderful rain...It's a perfect backing track to turning over in bed and groaning! I give thanks for a letter from Kostas, saying what a treat it was to get soaked to the skin in it during yard time...and for being matched with a penfriend with whom communication is so easy. Well done Human Writes/the cosmos...or whatever it was! I'm fairly confident it will clear up by the time I have to go out...if not, well I'll just have to get a cab to the doctors and wear a hoodie to the hairdressers, neither of which are especially bad plans anyway! Gratitude for finally getting up and doing my morning practices and then getting the random idea of having three Oms on a shirt instead of lions...

I give thanks that my special crochet hook has arrived. It's not as cushiony as I thought but I can tell it'll be easier that the normal sort and there's still other fancier versions to try. And I've just discovered some IMAK gloves on special offer. They are the funkiest looking arthritis gloves I have found and they are cotton lycra so hopefully my skin's aversion to encasement in unnatural fibres will be appeased. They also come in extra small which is 'handy' for my dainty little mitts...I'm grateful to Lush for the free face mask recycling scheme, to Janet for a discount on my green dry cleaning and to Jan for agreeing to have a go at making some earrings I'd like that even compression gloves can't help me with.

Oh, and for finding this massive hydrangea head face down in the road, a victim of the hedge trim fest I guess...I stuck it back in the hedge so at least passers can admire it while it fades...

Gratitude to Positive News for bringing us this encouraging tale http://positivenews.org.uk/2012/environment/conservation/8207/young-gorillas-destroy-poachers-traps/

and Darkroastedblend for this unusual fish net footage (nothing burlesque related!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=71FLO_6JJVo

Train lines

Yesterday was the doziest of days, so I'm grateful I abandoned the idea of going out but that I woke up a little mid afternoon and got some cleaning of those important little places done - the loo, the wash basin and the kitchen sink! I think it was Fatboy Slim at the (recorded) closing ceremony got me moving. Great thanks to him as always for tunes that make the toes tap even if the knees are going  'stop it at once - you know you'll regret this later!'

I have been amused by professional reporters and amateurs on Facebook all saying this bit was good or why did they do that as if it were all for our own personal individual pleasure. It's up to us all personally and individually to be responsible for that. Mind you, I suppose if grumbling's is your thing you're always easily pleased! Flavour of the ensuing days seems to be rather predictable rants about the hype, the expense or the return to 'normality'...see the previous sentence and substitute 'ranting'! Well, that's my rant...so I'm happy! I'm also vicariously happy because, whether organised competitive sponsored sport is a good thing or not, there were a few people I felt would be especially personally individually pleased if they did well in their particular events. On the whole they tended to be British because I'm more likely to know their back stories, and in sports I enjoy watching anyway, but not necessarily so. But anyway, all things must pass...

I was grateful for the sounds of drilling, strimming and drumming combining to make even a lie-a-bed like me get out of it in time to walk down the hill to the station in the sunshine to catch the 'fast' train which was late. Yes I know...walk and sunshine in the same sentence and time frame much to give thanks for there...plus the train was late enough to get a takeaway cappuccino from the station cafe and posh enough to have a drop down table on the back of the seat in front so I could tingle my tongue with hot frothy coffee while gazing in delight at the glittery sea and hazy headlands. Due to the lateness there wasn't time to get the first train back after doing the things I'd gone for and as I'm not at all interested in wandering round city centre shops to see what's there, I decided to brave the innermost realms of Primark on the off chance they might have some of their bargain baseball boots...and they did, in the right size and a colour that pleased! After all that I was extremely thankful for wailing infants on the journey home to keep me from asleep...

I'm kind of glued to the sofa now, vaguely optimistic about the prospect of making myself a cup of tea before the Tesco delivery comes. I hope I remembered to order something that just needs heating up...if not I'm sure I've a can of soup, and a little of that totally yummy bread left. I'm wondering about date and walnut next time...

True colours

I wasn't in the mood for brightness and loudness last night so I recorded the closing ceremony and watched Swedish people pretending to be other people instead. Nice to have the choice, eh...how lucky we are! I'm glad I mentioned some of the things I did yesterday yesterday as looking back now it mostly seems to have been washing up and naps...Actually I found myself having so many more naps in Wallander I gave up and went to bed... To be able to sleep when you're sleepy is such a treat, I always give thanks for that!  I'm giving thanks it was cloudy again...I'd love to have been able to see the meteor shower, it's been years since I did, but there was no point in staying up and trying.

I'm grateful for a bone china mug of Fairtrade Assam tea in the morning. For a comfy bed with smooth cotton sheets and plump feather pillows. I'm grateful for finding an ebay seller with reasonably priced cushion grip crochet hooks to try. The postage was reasonable too...that can always be a sharp intake of breath when you want one small thing, can't it? I want some different coloured sewing threads too but you need eyes and daylight to pick those not pixcels...I might try later. Shopping is often easier when it's raining as car softened wimps without waterproof clothing stay home and there's less queuing to do! On the other hand it would also be a fine day for putting in a Tesco order and stocking up on snoozes...

I give thanks for internet shopping, and for ecards and on line library book reservation...if you're not sure if you want to read something, check out the Amazon reviews! In my twenties in the eighties, a financially challenged unemployed single mum, I thought I should write book called 'How to Survive on the Dole' filled with tips for making money go further and making the best of what you can have that money can't buy, using a mix of age old common sense and contemporary possibility. Most of those ways are ingrained in me now...but pain management and energy conservation are high on the agenda these days so it's more how to survive on DLA, I guess. I give thanks for naturally enjoying make do and mend as much as splash the cash, I just need to practice enjoying being still. Time to plump up those pillows I guess...

In the long run

Hmmm, well I give thanks that my cooking is usually better than it was last night...dinner was minging! But I was hungry and grateful for food, so it had to do. To add aggravation to annoyance I managed to spill the sauce on my clothes three times, once when serving, once when eating and, then again when washing out the pan! I give thanks for modern laundry products and a washing machine...

The clouds thickened as darkness fell and instead of Perseid meteor showers we had rain showers but they dampened the enthusiasm of a rather loud karaoke barbecue down the road so I was quite grateful really. There was lots of lightning too so I could lie in the darkness and watch that! Quite a treat anyway...

I'm grateful I remembered to have cider vinegar and manuka honey today...and that I managed to get the proportions right. Not liking things very sweet or sour this can be a challenge and even though I know they are both good for many things, I dread my 'dose' and tend to put it off and forget, accidently on purpose as we used to say as children. I give thanks for a fairly successful first attempt at sun dried tomato and olive bread using a some mixed grain mix and stuff out of jars. It would have been a better texture if I'd used drier ingredients but it's the first time I've made any kind of bread for years and it was the thought of the additions that spurred me on, along with the not too kneady instructions including frequent five minute rests. My kind of recipe! Very yummy with leek and potato stew for lunch...

I was so happy that Tom was so happy with his medal. Diving's such a crazy dangerous thing to do and it's easy to forget he's so young still, he's been around so long, but he's a teenager whose dad's died apart from anything else so I always want him to do well, and his whole family needed that. Also lovely to see so many people lining sunny (and surprisingly leafy!) London streets for the marathon, and the aerial shots of the city too. One last day not to feel lazy watching daytime TV...must enjoy it while I can!

Stage management

Look at my new cushions! Laura made them for me as a surprise present...isn't that lovely? She invented a fastening for them as well...so I'll have to show you the backs too!

I give great thanks for the gift and the gesture. They will go very prettily in any part of my flat as she well knew being intimately acquainted with the decor! I give thanks for a bit more decor being done too. I was in too much pain to join in but put my excellent site management skills to good use...I always have a master plan, an even more cunning back up plan and, although I often prefer to sit down these days, I can think on my feet as well! I now have a wall of that creamy leafy wallpaper opposite my bed as well as behind it. I'm so grateful I found just what I wanted at a price I could afford. My merchant's chest can also now stay still and I'm extremely grateful for that too!

Today the master plan was to get a taxi to the library...but plan B is to stay home instead! I felt so relieved when I came up with that one I knew it was the best choice. My muscles are recovering from snatching the last cut price Argos basketware before someone far less worthy got their arms round it but my kidney's being a bit of a devil and the bones! the bones! (read that bit in your best quasimodo voice and you'll catch my drift...) I'm grateful I have things to read...and things to write come to that! I have ironing to do and sport to watch and it's about time the saucepans and cleaning materials fulfilled their purpose in life as well. There's a machine sewing project been bubbling under for years requiring a lot of a attention in the rather pleasant practice stage...

Yesterday I found out why I'd kept a now rather battered business card...to surprise a cousin or two with the image almost forty years later. A gift from a friend, communication with a relative...I'll be getting delusions of normality soon!

Point taken

In a way I'm grateful for the aches and pains and fatigue of yesterday...because they meant I didn't bustle about before and after acupuncture but sat on the sea front in the sunshine. The sunshine and retreating tide meant that seats were free as so many folk were on the beach...so gratitude for those too! I'm grateful for choosing esoteric acupuncture this time (no, I can't explain - it's esoteric you know!) and for Rachel understanding the things I was saying as soon as I said them...without having to try again! For chopping a few veg for salad (sometimes this is a particularly challenging task for me so it's good to appreciate how I persevere) and, as knitting hurt too much and I couldn't get into my book...or the washing up funnily enough, for non racy TV (ie not athletics, ha ha!). I give thanks for the free circus that is rhythmic gymnastics, a silly but thoughtful CSI and a rather heartwarming Hotel Inspector. I give thanks for suffering in stillness in the night instead of wriggling about and disconnecting my tube and for getting a reasonable sleep. Meditative practices enable one to register pain without 'suffering it' and I'm getting better at this so I'm grateful for some more practice. Kind of...

I give thanks for a kindly shop assistant explaining the scarf I liked the fabric of but not the shape was 'the fashion, you know'. Bless her for trying and me for refraining from sharing what my thoughts on such selling points were! I'm grateful I got Bob his new toy (sorry - raw material!) too... I'm grateful that Laura has offered to come and get on with the decorating this morning. I'd be even more grateful if she'd bring her own decorator's assistant...a strong man to move things about perhaps...like me to the garden!

Basket case

These are the boxes and bags I carried away from Argos. When I realised quite how large and heavy they were I didn't see how I could physically do it but the store was closing and I had to get them through the doors for starters. I give thanks for the kind assistant who made me a string handle for the big square one and wedged the long one under my arm! I'm grateful I'd already discovered the street outside with the loading pull in was closed, and that Jared had explained how far I'd have to go to another one. I'm grateful that the rain was light and there were copious seats and doorways with steps where I could put things down to rest...and that I had plenty of time to rest as he couldn't meet me yet. The pain in various parts of my body was bad at the time and got worse during the evening. At night I dreamt I was telling a doctor I couldn't stand it...and then I woke up and the doctor wasn't real! After I'd writhed about a bit it subsided but in the process I disconnected my night bag connection so I had to stop wimping around to strip the sheets...I give thanks for bed protectors! I'm not really having a whinge...I'm telling you this so you understand why I'm so very grateful I'm pleased with my purchases! They are exactly what I need to store sewing things, fabrics and works in progress under the table and look great too. Also, altogether in the sale I had change from thirty pounds! So I hurt...so what? I do that anyway. It's quite interesting to see how much you can hurt and still carry on...and if I can't face remaking the bed today I've got a sleeping bag. If I can't face anything else I can sleep...getting to acupuncture would be good though! And getting dressed before I do that...

What doesn't kill you doesn't actually always make you stronger, that's just 'inspirational' waffle...but it's true that struggle and strife that debilitates you can make you aware of how strong inside you are. 'Keep calm'...and remember you do not have to succumb to the relentless marketing of other people's often misguided ideas! Just because it's on the high street or in the news doesn't mean it's right...you don't have to buy, eat, wear or think what others try to sell you. Let's hear it for those who know success is a multi splendoured thing
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19127802...and the whales, the wonderful whales...http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19179554. I want to go to Sydney...don't suppose there's a bus is there?

Hyacinth basket

Hmmm, well I give thanks for watching the Flying Dutchman yesterday afternoon...what a happy feast for eyes he was. I love it when people look as if they're enjoying their sport not locked in combat with it and when they have a bit of hair flopping about...on the high bar it's poetry in motion. Also for a Wallander catch up fest later. Didn't do a great deal of anything that wasn't sedentary yesterday...and I'm grateful for that opportunity and for a few inches of knitting therefore completed though now my elbows ache as much as my knees! This morning I had brief meeting with representatives from the Leasehold Valuation Tribunal so have been creating an illusion of someone up and about for hours though inside I'm still under the duvet snoozing!

I give thanks for cauliflower cheese from the freezer for my tea last night and lunch today and a takeaway ordered for this evening. Soon I'll forget what those round metal receptacles with handles are for! I'm grateful that the new Hermes courier seems OK...and that the previous one has merely retired (he was 76!) not met some unpleasant fate. I'm grateful that I've managed to reserve the last few items of sale price sea grass and water hyacinth storage in Exeter Argos so that I can...at some point...sort out my fabric and yarn storage...and that I've managed to time that for a lift home with Jared and Tara via the takeaway and a scenic munch point because, even though the items are empty and shouldn't be heavy it'll be too cumbersome to move very far from the shop. I give thanks that the cheapy phone I bought to replace the one I thought I'd lost had died and needed replacing...otherwise I wouldn't have known they were there at all...All I've got to do now is get my act together to get ready and off to the station and onto the train. Minor detail!

Isles of wonder

Still in slight shock at the distance covered yesterday (and still mostly bed-based recovering!) I give thanks nonetheless for a largely pleasant outing. There are parts of the south west coast I do rather wish weren't here sometimes but if they weren't all the people who seem to enjoy them just the way they are might fill up the nicer places in between! It's always rather a shock to my system to realise how many folks there are in the world...millions of versions of 'life' and so many so far removed from those we think we understand. I give thanks to Paul Weller for confirming the feeling that the more I see the more I know, and the more I know the less I understand and to Van Morrison for reminding me comfortingly that we're all strangers in this world (Carol will probably nod sagely at this!), it's just that we choose different ways to kid ourselves that we belong. It's a mystery to me how 'for the sake of argument' became a lifestyle choice rather than a phrase used to start a hypothetical statement but you have to try to respect other's choices and resist the temptation to intervene, or they'll probably start arguing with you. A woman clearly unhappy about much of the world was making a big fuss in the cafe yesterday about how silly it was to have 'free range sausages' on a menu. There's no such thing she was shouting, sausages don't run around a farm. I'm grateful I didn't give into the urge to shout back that neither do eggs!

I give thanks for my excellent skills at creating 'compilation tapes'...even though we do it digitally now and call it other things that's still what it is folks. It's a whole lot easier now you don't have to find the right stripe on the vinyl and and press and hold record though! Isn't lovely when you hear things you loved years ago and love them still? Funnily enough I added Tubular Bells to my travelling playlist a few months ago...so it was quite strange when I realised the Isles of Wonder team had too!

I give thanks for the prospect of a lazy day when I do gentle things. I haven't cooked a meal since I got home so there isn't even much washing up!

Faster higher stronger

My first natural wake up call today was moonlight...so still very much at night. The curtains are at the dry cleaners and though I've got a screen at the window so the twenty foot people can't look in the moon is higher up than that and can peep over at me. Quite a treat really and I give thanks for that... The seagull riot a few hours later wasn't quite so enjoyable but I could be grateful for my sense of hearing I suppose, and for the fact that it's summer and I live near the sea or it wouldn't be happening. Actually I give thanks for an early awakening as I had things I needed to get out and do. Some of them I succeeded in doing, some I tried...and some were clearly not meant to be! I give thanks for my mp3 player, top deck views and Werther's originals which can all help to make traffic jams less tedious. And that I managed to get a few purchases on my list without too much trauma...I'm not built for built up areas physically or psychologically. So coming back out to moor and sandland was one of the best parts of the day. And for seeing the bunnies out in the fields for their tea... if there hadn't been so many delays of one kind and another I'd have been home 'on time' and missed that sight that always makes me smile.

I give thanks for the moment when athletes realise that silver and bronze are not failures. They look gutted when they first 'lose' and then common sense puts competitiveness into perspective and look as delighted as they should. Although we don't usually see it hopefully the ones who come fourth and below do to...Hope they remember the day they heard they'd made the team and remember they are still that wonderful.

Meanwhile back in gabiworld I give thanks for my bus and rail pass and remember I'm still the wonderful person who planned and executed a 300+ mile walk for charity half a lifetime ago. Inside I'm still dancing, inside I'm still strong...

Some kinds of wonderful

I give thanks for waking to the sound of heavy rain...a lovely snuggly experience when you are cosy and dry in bed. For a perfectly boiled egg for my breakfast - this was an accident so sorry but no handy hints! For a very pleasant trip to my very therapeutic home town yesterday...charity shop treasures, delicious treats and friendly folk, for warm sun between the showers, and sea side sculptures!

This one was a collaboration between a group of artists with disabilities and one without. It's beautiful don't you think?





I was wrecked when I got home so gave especial thanks for there being a letter advising my DLA was being continued. I'd done the decent thing and told them circumstances had changed and they needed to review and had a long worried wait while they deliberated. I'd far rather be well and have 'a life' but if I'm never going to go to the ball again then the money for a cab to the library's the next best thing!

I give thanks for all the British sporting success. I've particularly enjoyed seeing the wildcard pairing Andy Murray and Laura Robson do so well and they've been encouraging me to keep active myself - punching the air, clapping and beating the sofa seat enthusiastically! As I was already on my feet at the ironing board when they won the semi, I actually did a little jump or two! Thanks also to cyclist Joanna Roswell for proving you do not need a crowning glory to be glorious...And for the odd coincidence of being in a cafe and seeing a GB pair get gold in a rowing race...the only other time I've spent a few minutes watching any Olympics in public was in the doctor's waiting room on Thursday when it was rowing again and one of our fours gained sliver!

Sitting miracle

I give thanks for all the jaw droppingly good tennis I watched yesterday afternoon in the men's semi finals. See, there's an advantage to feeling feeble sometimes! Despite taking place at Wimbledon, there's a very different atmosphere in the Olympic matches to the annual tournament, partly because of the 'shorter' format but also you can really tell how much it means to the players to be playing for glory rather than money, and in a one off sporting event ie. a very great deal! (I do understand there are other Olympics, but the temporal and geographic gaps between make each one somewhat unique.) Brilliant stuff, anyway!

It's going to sound a bit lame maybe, but I'm so aware how lucky I am to have lived to see these games. I remember so well when it was announced the bid had been accepted. I hadn't been waiting with bated breath but was dimly aware the decision day was nigh, but it was a day memorable for other personal reasons and in the middle of it I heard cheers over the radio inside a cafe and then the people inside cheering too, and thought...oh yeah, the Olympics. It seems so long ago, and I remember so well who I was then - what mattered to me, where I lived, who I saw, what my hopes and expectations were...even the clothes I wore. I had no idea what the future was going to bring...and that between then and 2012 I'd be so close to having no future, so many times. People would drone on about the Mayan calendar and I'd think to myself - Huh! You think your world's going to last that long? I should be so lucky! And well...I blooming well am! So remember that if you think I'm a saddo sitting here getting excited about TV...I'm a surviving saddo, a sitting miracle in fact!

I give thanks that as well as watching TV I made some tasty soup with excess veg and 'invented' the crochet hem for my new jumper. Still gotta knit the jumper mind you....but the planning and prep stage is very satisfying. I enjoy playing with colours and shapes and enjoy the maths challenges too. I was always making knitting patterns when I had my market stall but I'd completely forgotten about punching holes in knitting machine cards til last night. Some ideas I made as garments to sell, some I sold the designs. Wish I'd kept the magazines they were in...I expect some crazed fan stole them don't you? Ha ha! And that reminds me...no, I didn't hear from Julian Clary...

I'm grateful I feel up to a trip to the library in a little while...and that I can get a taxi there and walk through a different part of town back to the rank to get one back up the hill. I'll pass shops selling things like hand made chocolates and craft materials...ideal places to pop in to dodge the showers! May you all find serendipitous diversions in your day...may you be well, may you be happy, may you be at peace.

Gold standard

Well I've been sweeping the floor in the sleep Olympics (done a lot better than I have with sweeping the floor!)  As predicted records are tumbling in both the 10 minute nap and the 2 hour doze but I've also had startling success in wake-yourself-up-by-snoring jump! I would like to thank Rachel for her dedication to my relaxation and helping me hone my skills. I'm grateful I hurt less than yesterday but very lazy daysy dozy today...which reminds me to also thank those who admired my dangly bits! I'm grateful for the strength for the standard essentials... I guess what passes for those varies from person to prison but catering and cleanliness are mine. Still hopeful I might get a second wind for some creativity later...I'm grateful for all the plans and ideas waiting patiently for action...and for so much to entertainment me on TV in the meantime. Tennis, obviously, and another favourite - trampolining. See those people fly!

I give thanks for a successful delivery of surgical supplies. This, you may remember, is not something guaranteed. I know all the companies mean well but the weak link in the system is often the courier company driver who, bless him, cannot tell the difference between an oven glove and a urostomy bag from its package and doesn't understand the sensitive and urgent nature of these deliveries. Anyway, Lee from Interlink gets a gold star for following instructions, as does the new supply company for a better class of freebies than I'm used to. They seem to have grasped that you can lose part of your excretory system but retain your aesthetic sense...their handy holdall for the travelling ostomate is actually one I wouldn't mind being seen alive with! Still gotta work on the actual travelling though...

I give thanks for this amusing sequel to the previous piece on typical British quirks and foibles http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19093328 and for finally twigging that you don't need to have a glut from a garden or the supermarket reduced shelves to have 'fresh' veg in you freezer. Supermarket organic stuff comes in packs too big for me to eat up quick enough. Sometimes I cook extra portions of something with them and freeze that but of course I can just freeze the veg too - duh! The blanching water makes excellent stock for soups as well...

Flower fairy

Last night I gave thanks for the big bright creamy yellow moon rising early in the the still quite bright blue sky.

Today I give thanks for the well trained rain falling before I went out and when I got home, and for the sun for shining on me inbetween.

For my hair which makes people feel jolly...

For my home made cardigan which makes me feel proud, the made up fastening design especially so...

For a nice chat with the new nurse taking my bloods about the importance of sea, creativity and hair in maintaining a sense of well being. I kid you not. She had a lot to say...I had to remind her why I was there!

For acupuncture which is also essential, and the delightful dazed warm fuzziness I have after. I had time to do my thises and thats between the two and so could come straight home. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to get an early tea now as the fairies are waiting to take me somewhere. As you can see from the picture I was already on the verge of flight when I stepped off the table...

Heavenly bodies

For some reason yesterday I felt queasy all day so I was grateful when some items in the Tesco delivery finally woke my appetite up in the late afternoon...fresh crusty rye mix bread and garlic and herb roulade and a few organic grapes on the side. And I'm also grateful that I decided to watch a little Olympic tennis while I ate my snack, and chose the Tsonga v Raonic match...so had a lovely l-o-n-g tea break! Even had time to finish sewing up my knitted cardigan, just the fastening to sort out now. Then by the time I'd done another session of sanding it was getting too late for any more filling (oh, life's a lady dog sometimes isn't it?) and so I just had a clear up and a bath and a bit of supper and bed on the sofa with the TV.

I give thanks for persevering with the increased activity regime, and believe I am feeling a little more capable though all joints are protesting loudly and there are still many times when I feel if I don't sit down I'll fall asleep, let alone down... Saluting the Sun is still a distant dream (I wave to the sun and say hi, nice to see you, but that's not what I mean!) and I've had to the modify the first move of the meridian stretches as you are supposed to link thumbs behind you and swing your arms up above your head. Linking thumbs is not an option without a screech of pain that could probably be heard on the sun's surface so I link fingers instead. I give thanks for going back for second helpings of ingenuity when they were making me...well, there was such a long queue at beauty and I couldn't be bothered to wait!

I give thanks for the full mooniness of the moon last night. For Clive coming to do some jobs today requiring strength and skills beyond my own, to share food and chat, and for bringing some sewing for me to do for him - always good to feel useful. For my ebay yarn arriving already and for another pleasant session inventing with my crochet hook whilst keeping an eye on the tennis. I missed the Tsonga/Lopez match but that's probably all for the best as I'd have been watching it in a similar manner to that in which many men watch ladies' beach volleyball! I give thanks for all the sporting chaps and chapesses giving their all for their countries in the nicest possible way, and for all those for whom success matters achieving the scores that they desire. Well done that man with sideburns, eh?