Who am I?

Yesterday I popped by the cancer forum to see if there were any posts I felt I had anything of value to contribute to. Of course you can say something to everyone but there are usually plenty of responders who will say 'oh, poor you...now let me tell you all about me so you can go poor you back'! This is not my way...and I'm aware it doesn't always sit comfortably with others. A new member asked why I was there and I was taken aback, not in a 'don't you know who I am?' D list kind of way but because, as there's a medical synopsis in my profile, it felt as if they were questioning some other kind of validity. Why was I there? Why am I anywhere virtual or otherwise? It's a bit of an existential minefield really. Anyone who's cherished by any other creature, who works in any way that's of any benefit to others, or who brings pleasure by their beauty or charm or talent, seem to have more of a purpose on this earth, more of a ticket to ride as it were.

I give thanks for many and several opportunities to explore inconsequentiality yesterday. I've an inkling a good many of us have a somewhat over inflated sense of our own importance. Most of us are not evolved enough to feel love and compassion for all. We need the people we don't value so much to measure the ones we do by, we need to have it shown we're successful or special to others to value ourselves, and we may even need people we don't rate very highly to feel good about ourselves if we're nice to them!

I'm very sleepy tired today so I'm grateful for slowing down almost to stop. I'm grateful for the facilities...and eventually the inclination... to do the washing up, for Radio 4 programmes on iplayer, for a long hot bath and a big think. For deciding someone who I rarely see because it's 'too far' saying they are coming over to meet some friends here today and they could pop in afterwards, probably doesn't realise how rude this is and it's probably kinder not to say. See above paragraph and draw your own conclusions as to where this fits...I'm not entirely sure myself! Oh, and for the sounds of a steel band wafting up from the town. I love steel bands...I wonder if that's what the friends have come to enjoy.