April come she will

After rising extra early to listen to protracted Vivaldi hold music, and wondering while I did so which season it would seem to be today...I gave thanks for remembering this long time favourite! I'd have it as a ringtone on my phone...if I ever had the ringer on!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wRP4-LSTuM

For the involuntary finger picking twitches of my right hand as I did so taking me back to music making days. Something it's better to have loved and lost than never to have done at all I reckon...

And if that's all a bit twiddly and twee for you....how about The Cult She Sells Sanctuary in Lego stop motion? I give thanks to Ian for posting this gem on Facebook

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLvvdSvwvZ4

I give thanks for a busy day in the office - typing letters and photocopying, and for having the equipment to perform these tasks at home. My hands have appreciated a break from cutting and sewing - over 200 squares in place now, no wonder they're a mite fatigued!

Meanwhile the autumn winds have been blowing chilly and cold...so I give thanks for hot cuppas, big jumpers and heaters to plug in. Time for a deep bubbly bath before Rachel comes round with my supper I think...

The last time

I give thanks I had just one task on my to do list today, as this was to defrost my deeply iced up freezer...and when it was done, that was me done in for the day! I give thanks that this could be the last time...maybe the last time, I don't know...

I use the steam from bowls of hot water to encourage the melting process and in between filling and emptying those (not down the sink to the blocked down pipe!) and gentle wielding of a palette knife, I stitched a few more squares together. So when the freezer was finally clear I had a couple more strips joined and pain in all manner of places,  but gave thanks for a feeling of productive satisfaction before I nodded off on and off in front of the TV.

I watched one of those police force programmes that show how often officers aren't catching criminals but dealing with casualties of alcohol and other drug abuse, domestic altercations and mental health issues. It makes me particularly sad to see so many people suffering and thinking drinking will make it better. I give thanks I managed to move beyond my somewhat misspent youth (by my early forties!) but then I grew up when bingeing en masse wasn't considered the normal way to behave and catered for in the way it is today...

I watched a documentary about Bill Cosby and gave thanks for the heartening realisation increasingly victims of those who are more likely to be believed are being listened to and not condemned, but there's such a long way to go, and the human race has been so called evolving for so long...and yet so many men in so many ways still think of others as prey.

I give thanks for the Woman in White. I was captivated by the Moonstone in my late twenties when I discovered how much more enjoyable the 'classics' were without some mind set teacher telling you how to read them. This adaptation has the most visually pleasing scenery, sets and wardrobe too!

I give thanks for Facebook showing me I have friends on a cruise, others who have been caving and someone else building a bridle path to their stables! I give thanks for being content with a bath and Midsomer Murders as that's as exciting as it's going to get for me...

Keep on running

I give thanks for being tired after much busyness today...even aches and pains are easier to put up with when they're the result of action and activity.

I give thanks for more patchwork cutting and sewing, it's relatively easy on the hands, the brain...and the eye!

I give thanks for an afternoon out with Mima, depositing more unwanted items, and gaining one or two others. I give thanks for her encouragement and support in my efforts to improve my quality of life. I can accept with relatively good grace it's never going to be exceptionally good, but I give thanks for my determination to do whatever I can to change what I can...as well as striving for equanimity regarding outcomes and effects.

I give thanks for a couple of good things found on TV.  It's subjective obviously, but we do seem to be subjected to some awful dross! My recommendations are The Assassination of Gianni Versace (on BBC player) and Dark Places soon to be repeated on Film 4.

I give thanks for remembering this. Go on, you know you want to!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kamXvqoL_JA

Tougher than the rest

Um...

Hmm...

OK...sometimes it's easiest to work backwards...

I give thanks for finally waking up enough this evening to think about things I've been grateful for...

I give thanks for the relief of sleep that preceeded it...I'd been resisting the need all day after after being awake most of the night and oh what bliss, when five o'clock came and, though the important phone call I'd been waiting for didn't, I could crawl back under the covers.

I give thanks for my bed, and its covers! For rest easing some of the physical pain and mental stress that has been besetting me.

I give thanks for my prescriptions being ready to pick up, and for the NHS. For the rain not coming through the hole in the roof in my part of the premises...and for it ceasing altogether when I had to leave them.

I give thanks for the wonderfully rough and tumble sea. For the people next door finally turning their extractor fan off so my head's stopped buzzing!

Blowing in the wind

Oh blow! There's been some serious setbacks in my master plans today. I give thanks I've pretty much stopped asking the universe for stuff to turn out the way I want, seeking instead to be better at dealing with it when it doesn't. And for being under the impression I'm doing better with that..

I give thanks all is not lost. All is never lost because it's all pretty much an illusion anyhow...

I give thanks more cleaning in murky manky corners, and sorting through the accumulated paraphernalia of my existence. So much of our sense of self is caught up with what we hold on to, isn't it, whether solid matter or matters stored in the hard drive in our heads? And in the end it's all meaningless really...

Heart searching aside, the spring cleaning seems quite strenuous to my more delicate areas so I give thanks for hidden strengths...and lots of sitting down in between! I give thanks though I took ages to arrange the achy bits so I could sleep last night I woke up for the final time this morning remarkably comfortably, apart from a nasty sore throat due to dust I guess... and a lot of long winded phone calls!

Three steps to heaven

Gosh, there are a lot of steps to making life more heavenly aren't there? I give thanks for trying my best with as many as I can... For trying to remain trustful that the future is unfolding the way it should. For asking the universe for equanimity whatever befalls me on the way... 

I give thanks for a beautiful morning, the sunlight on the fresh new leaves. For bustling about early and not beating myself up for having to go back to bed for a while. For not slamming down the phone in frustration at some 'free' financial advice so long winded (and free of pretty much any information of any use) I'm sure the chap was paid per word to waffle!

I give thanks for some progress on my patchwork bedspread before my hands seized up. For moving on the process of reorganising my living spaces too though, as is the way with this sort of thing, at the moment everywhere is now much more of a mess! I give thanks for food from the freezer for tea and a long flop in front of the TV planned for the evening. 

Anyone who had a heart

I give thanks for the surgeon being very pleased with my how my fistula is working...the nurse, however, was full of instructions about what to do if it stops, and reminders that now it's installed they'll be wanting to start using it soon. She made me think of the hospice home care nurse who kept telling me I must accept how ill I was... I give thanks I don't share their attitude, and that, as usual, everyone is astonished by how well I seem to be at the moment despite my medical past and apparent future.

I do get tired, and I give thanks for being able to have a long flop with my coat on when I arrived home before summoning the energy to make a mug of tea. There's been a lot of plodding between doorsteps and bus stops today but a lot achieved as well... including a detour for a brief business meeting in a town in between, finding a couple of birthday presents for Bob and a couple of items to improve my present existence. I decided to have a look in the large British Heart Foundation shop in the city and found myself very taken with a very new looking second hand sofa...which appealed even more when I lifted the seat cushions to see the state of the upholstery and found a fold out bed mechanism! There was also a little drop leaf table, which...as is the way of these things...becomes a little larger with very little effort and was something else on my mental shopping list. Not only were these reasonably priced, they can be delivered...and stored until I want them to be. So I was VERY grateful as I'm sure you can imagine!

I give thanks for the music in my earbuds on my journey and the scenes that caught my eye...including flocks of  monochrome children on a vast school playing field and the bright bracts of pieris glowing in the gloom and drizzle.

All kinds of everything

I give thanks for a morning of much bustling around - up and down the ladder and stairs, on my hands and knees in corners, emails, phone calls and so on. I give thanks for a long rest after all that!

I give thanks for making it to a very busy knitting session and managing to pass on some of my unwanted yarn. It's good to see the group doing well but I'm not sure I'm the demographic aimed at any more (was I ever?) surrounded by talk of Sketchers shoes, stamp duty and tradesmen to attend to your driveway or hedge! For managing to knit a couple of rows of Rachel's jumper before my hands seized up. To Jenny for making the many necessary cups of tea, and to Mima and Cathy for washing up.

I give thanks for remembering everything I meant to do in town afterwards...except get cash...but for having enough cash for the stuff I remembered, and for a cab to help me up the hill with it!

I give thanks I enjoy those police procedural shows, so that when I passed a bunch of boys and girls in blue today discussing using 'the big red key' I knew just what they had in mind...

Our lovely heatwave is over now but I give thanks for the boost it's given to the trees. I've the long bus ride to the hospital in the morning and am looking forward to seeing all the new leaves opening up...

Spirit in the Sky

I give thanks for the pretty hazy sunset last night, though that promised storm never properly broke around here.

For dreaming I was in Geneva and there was a stunning mackerel sky. I felt rather guilty about breaking the travel ban...and annoyed I'd not taken my camera!

For getting a little more craftwork and housework done... For realising a bonus of increasing age and debilitating disease is that you can be almost as pleased you did the washing up in the evening as once you might have been to abandon it to go out and party instead!

For sorting out a large bag of unwanted knitting yarn. And for delving into more ancient paperwork - something I often find rather poignant and disturbing, but as it's unlikely I'll ever have anyone to share my memories with, nor any descendant who will want to gain a sense of who I've been, letting go of what I can also feels helpful and healthy. Besides...if I move home before I move to heaven there'll be less to carry, right?

Today I've had bouts of great busyness then times in between of too much pain and rest and sleep. I give thanks for both...and the bit when I sat on the sea front in the almost sunshine in between the mist.

Shelter from the storm

I give thanks getting up and making pancakes this morning; for sewing another strip of patchwork squares, for cleaning the sink and making the bed and then, realising I could resist no longer, climbing back in for a snooze!

I give thanks for not feeling ill, just tired and sore, and that I've been quite been quite busy and energetic the last few days so it feels more reasonable than it sometimes does. I give thanks for my hearty appetite for forcing me to get up again...and for pottering about

I give thanks that there's been some sunshine for the people who've been out and about...including a lot of neighbours as it's been lovely and quiet! For a while even the birds and dogs were silent in the calm before the storm. I give thanks the first rumbles of thunder are coming now...and the power which went off in the loudest bang so far has come back on again.

Ice ice baby

Yay! I give thanks I've finally ordered a new fridge freezer. I've been meaning to for a while but arm surgery and its aftermath have put back the plans a few times. It's a frost free one which should make life a lot easier...and is a little smaller than the one I currently have as a lot of the stuff I used to keep in stock is stuff I can't eat so much of now...

One of those barely rarely edible things is ice cream. Likewise fruit juice sorbets and frozen yoghurts, even non dairy ones... So I give thanks I had a brainwave for this mini heatwave and froze a plastic shot glass containing 'posh squash' ie elderflower and rose cordial. With nothing to stick in it for a stick I had to tip it into a bowl to eat..and somehow down my front as well, which was also very refreshing!

I give thanks lolly moulds are now on my mental shopping list, as this treat proved just the job for when all the cab drivers seem to have taken the day off and I have to plod up the hill. I give thanks for waiting a while on a seat near the rank to see if the situation improved...and thus for then knowing not to try to carry too much. I give thanks the busmen weren't on holiday and could bring me half way home.

I give thanks for getting out at all. Strangely, despite yesterday's exercise, my aches and pains eased off during the night and didn't catch up with me until I'd done some chores today. I give thanks for just keeping slowly pushing on and finally getting to a sunny sheltered spot on the beach to eat my lunch and read a Big Issue and have a big rest....

Where're you walk

I give thanks for waking up bright and early (and not too sore) on a day with quite a bit to do...and even more going on in my head about what I'd like to, what I can't, might, mean to, meant to etc. I give thanks for forgetting it all for a moment and just being in the moment admiring the light and shadows across the room.

Unfortunately this all started so bright and early I fell asleep again after my morning cuppa and first bash at the chores, waking up the second time late and feeling short changed on both sleep and productivity. I give thanks for a good catch up nap in the late afternoon!

In between Mima and I had a trip out already planned - to an industrial estate... Not the best use of the glorious weather maybe but we did get lots of stuff to the recycling centre and failed to bring anything new or used home which is good for the planet and the pocket too! We also managed to munch most of a hearty cholesterol laden breakfast bap from a charmingly staffed and located van by a little river with nesting swans in the reeds (sorry vegan chums, but I have to now and then!) For discovering the interestingly textured seat we sat on was made with plastic bottles...

I give thanks on the way home (on the edge of another industrial estate!) finding the well hidden access to a pleasantly wooded and watery little place both of us had been to before but weren't sure how to get to. For an egret also wandering around though we were a few steps from a busy built up area. I love seeing egrets and herons, they always seem rather exotic and graceful birds for the UK! And I love seeing buds opening on the trees...

I give thanks for being taken out in a car... For getting out of the car... For being able to walk around a little and for being properly warm enough in the fresh air - such a rare treat for me with anaemia and a foreign travel ban!

I give thanks for turning on the local TV news this evening (something I only tend to do if the weather has been particularly unusual!) and seeing an item on a couple who walked the coast path for an unusual reason and with unusual health consequences. There's more about it here if it interests you...

https://www.bigissue.com/news/rural-england-homeless-problem-hidden/

Seasons in the sun

Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is...think of the first few months of this year! I give thanks today's weather was summer...and that eventually, with much groaning and grumbling, I managed to dig out some more seasonal attire and go and be sore and tired on the back beach for a bit...

I give thanks for all the sunny naturedness of the folk I met on my travels...and my sitting still. For having shop and cab doors opened for me. Chivalry? Care in the community? Who knows - but very handy when your hands are still in a very argumentative mood!

Back home, I give thanks we had a drummer boy for a little while this afternoon. Well, it could have been a man, woman or child of course,  but of all the neighbourhood disturbances it is the only one I actually truly don't mind at all!

I give thanks for giving going through several years of files and photos on an old lap top a go since this evening. So many memories...some I would have preferred to forget! Did make me very nostalgic for Windows 7 too...

With a little help from my friends

I give thanks to Rachel for eating my bodged together tea, for treating my sore bits, washing the pots...and emptying the slops down the loo so they don't land on my neighbour's doorstep. She also brought me a baby money plant...money doesn't grow on trees you know, it grows on plants!

I give thanks for the mind and eye and ear candy of a BBC  Documentary on the Andes. We are so lucky to be able to travel to so many wonderful places these days - virtually and vicariously!

I give thanks for Ann sending me another excellent book to read...and for reading some of it too...

I give thanks for two reasonable sleeps, each side of the standard early morning stretch of wakefulness of the somewhat stressed and depressed. I give thanks for lots of ideas of things to do today to help me feel I'm still getting somewhere with some of the stuff I'd like to be achieving, but there was so much pain in too many places levels so everything including getting out of bed had to be done in stages (the first one of each being thinking I'd rather not even try!) and purposefulness and productivity ended up in short supply...

I give thanks for murky weather and nothing I had to go out for today, as this cut out two things that would have hurt horribly - putting shoes on and detangling my hair! I give thanks for arnica cream, Actipatches and paracetamol...

I give thanks most of my physical troubles are still due to non life threatening bodily malfunction. For continuing too defy medical science with the more serious conditions... For my microbiome which I suspect must be doing its bit!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-43674270

Hold tight

Today I can't - my hands, especially my left one, are way too sore. So I give thanks for all the good stuff I did yesterday contributing to this, and my right arm hurting too, a particularly tricky combination if you want to...well pretty much anything actually!

I give thanks for some lengthy hanging on to the phone for some important 'business' calls which really didn't help...and yes, I should have tried to do this hands free but it's no help thinking of that now! I had to go through some rather detailed medical history on one and I was very grateful when I could put away the rather distressing historical paperwork I had to unearth for that.

I give thanks for eventually getting some shoes and a jacket on afterwards as I'd missed lunch and thought a cuppa by the sea might be called for. I find dealing with serious stuff quite stressful and exhausting, so I give thanks I know a dose of nature can help me to unwind. I give thanks for the warm sunshine, though the bitter breeze meant I couldn't linger, and ended up taking a take away home. I give thanks the packaging was compostable...Rachel's coming later, maybe she has a compost heap it can go on!

The wonder of you

There are things I regularly give thanks for (as well, of course, as those I don't!) One of them is being able to read, to readily translate those squiggles or patterns of pixels into information or ideas or entertainment.

I give thanks for reading about a teacher who couldn't and I found it a moving story, a handy reminder of what a precious skill this is, and of what a wonder the whole process is too...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-43700153

Today I've been fighting a strong urge to move furniture around. Maybe I can't change the space I live in yet,  but perhaps I could change the way I live in that space in the meantime? The trouble is of course various surgeries I've had preclude heavy lifting and shifting, so I've had make do with some smaller scale reorganisation today. I give thanks for having the energy for this, plus some cleaning of murky corners...and for my right arm giving me mostly gentle reminders of what the limits are.

I give thanks for finishing the sewing I started yesterday...for sorting out MORE stuff for charity shops and recycling...and (not surprisingly) a bit of a nap on the sofa too!

Let's work together

I give thanks the paperback I bought for the princely sum of 50p yesterday is proving such a gripping read. I give thanks for finally forcing myself to put it down and get up this morning as my neighbour said she was coming round. No sign of her so far...but hey, it means I have a few chapters left!

I give thanks for finishing a general post op clean and tidy last night too for the same reason. I get to appreciate the effects anyway...My right arm did not appreciate the efforts, and complained even more when I tried a row of knitting, so I give thanks eventually it was up for machining together some patchwork squares this afternoon though cutting any more was out of the question.

Having finally more or less settled on the design, I give thanks I had enough of the right ones to start sewing a complete lengthways strip of blocks which feels like rather pleasing progress. I've tapped into a rich seam of potential frustration at others' behaviour the last few weeks and it's soothing to spend some time making chaos quietly by myself with fabric and then mending it again...And as it's been such a murky day it's been cheering to work with colours.

I give thanks for buying a reduced pack of choux buns yesterday and saving one for my 'afternoon tea' today...For a cunning menu of leftover bits and bobs for later so the kitchen should stay clean...

A great and mighty wonder

It's not a full and holy cure but I give thanks for the time of the month when my EPO treatment kicks in and carrying a basket round the Co op no longer feels as if I'm competing in the Tour de France! I give thanks for a bustly day tackling various situations, not much done and dusted but some valiant attempts at progress here and there and some vacuuming and dusting done too!

I give thanks for another leaseholder suggesting we sufferers get together and get the landlord sorted. Apparently he was ranting and raving on their doorstep about the trouble I cause him but thankfully they don't see it that way, although they are fed up with my sink water landing on their doorstep which is one of the things I've been asking him to fix. I'm getting fed up of feeling guilty every time I use the sink or the washing machine to be honest...

I give thanks for the rare occurrence of a solicitor giving free information and suggestions about other stuff dragging on. Whenever I've contacted one who advertises 'free' advice, the advice has been to pay them money for some so I was astonished and delighted by his openness and helpfulness!

I give thanks my tea is cooking and soon I can give up on trying to achieve much more with the day. Extra energy is wonderful but you end up doing more...and then get tired again!

All along the watchtower

Nobody told me there'd be days like these...and I give thanks for that! I give thanks for all the opportunities for practising patience, and letting go of attachment to outcomes...and for finding little moments of pleasure in watching during all the potentially frustrating waiting around.

I give thanks for the light on the estuary and the river. For the lady in the first fabric shop I went to hunting high and low for the end of a roll I wanted a further snippet from and finally turning it up under a draped piece of something else being used as sun protection as the brightness streamed though the glass. This turned out to be particularly pleasing as the seemingly innocent detour on the way to the hospital set off a chain of delays in my schedule that meant I not only never got to the back up sewing shop, I never got a cup of tea all afternoon either! I give thanks, shrinking into myself among a crowd of smokers yelling into phones outside the station, another crowd further along burst into harmonious song...

I give thanks for the smell of fresh cut grass, for purple clumps of aubretia tumbling from nooks in stones and the crimson blossoms of a magnolia tree unfurling against a white wall. There's lots of blossom coming out now, and that's always lovely isn't it? Today I was delighted to see more tree buds opening too...they seem to have been so bare for so long it feels a great relief!

Here comes summer!

Well, maybe not quite yet but I give thanks for the feeling today that it might! And though the mice in their million hoards seemed to have abandoned Ibiza and the Norfolk Broads for this part of the coast, teeming with tourists makes a pleasant change from teeming with rain... I caught sight of myself in the mirror when I got home and wondered what was going on with my face...Before it dawned on me what was different was that I had some colour in my cheeks! I give thanks for looking a little less as if I'm knock knock knocking on heaven's door!

I give thanks for the difference a night can make...especially if you spend decent amounts of it asleep! That's not happened for a while and I feel a lot better for it... I give thanks for being able to get on with indoor chores relatively swiftly and get outdoors  earlier than I really needed to, because I really needed to soak up some sun and warmth.

I give thanks for viewing another small but rather lovely and liveable in flat. I don't know if I could be the lucky person to live there next but it's encouraging to see somewhere not too far from my price bracket that doesn't feel as if being there would feel like some sort of penance...and I give thanks for enjoying some happy imaginings anyway. They're free after all, as long as you don't believe in them too much, because then they can become very costly!

Set the controls for the heart of the sun

I give thanks after pressing the pause button on my TV remote control yesterday before leaving the room, the device completely disappeared! All that extra physical exercise I had hunting in high places and low, behind and beside and underneath instead of slumping goggling at the box! All the problem solving puzzling out places to look, and how to perform the (nowadays) expected viewing operations with the minimal buttons on the TV and digibox or the spare remote that has all the buttons but only minimal capacity for syncing between the two.

I give thanks there was nothing I missed seeing in the meantime...and when I'd finally sorted everything (it seemed) except volume control (for which I have to reach behind the screen) for managing to coax the disturbed dodgy aerial cable back into service too. I give thanks all this faffing about stopped me fretting about all the rather more serious broken, missing or malfunctioning parts of my life (well for a little while anyhow!).

After sleeping badly today I gave thanks for getting going anyway, getting on with household chores and the office work of life. I give thanks for a tip run with Mima after a spot of late lunch out (yes, I checked the recycling bags - no, the remote control wasn't there!)

Tomorrow I'm going to see another flat...this one has...wait for it...central heating!!! I give thanks for aiming high!

Climb every mountain

Well, I give thanks I don't have to live in the tiny flat I went to see. I could... (and, who knows, maybe I might have to if it's the only place available in my price range should I ever get this one sold) but it would take a great deal of downsizing and ingenuity, including probably using the 'bedroom' as a living area as it was the only place with any decent daylight apart from the bathroom, and cutting right back on either kitchen equipment or food storage. It did feel cosy and quiet and safe though, which isn't a given round here, plus so much easier to get to. I swear this hill has turned into a mountain since I moved in!

I give thanks when I'd recovered from climbing the mountain, I was able to process a mountain of washing up, scramble some eggs and...cue drum roll...slice some bread for toast before dozing off on the sofa. And after that...cue drum roll... I managed a little light hoovering of the very crumby kitchen floor!

I give thanks for deciding to only change pillowcases, not quilt cover as well... partly because that proved quite enough exercise for an operated on inner elbow and partly because while I did it my remote control disappeared into another dimension. If I'd spent time wrestling with a duvet the TV might have vanished too!

While my guitar gently weeps

I give thanks for thinking of what I'm missing that would shift my dreary mood. Alcohol, you might be thinking...or chocolate...or sex? Haha, no, something far less possible than even any of those! What would do the trick would be to write some music on my guitar...or go on a ten mile hilly hike. And in a way it helped, you know, to realise there's nothing to be done... I've always been a fan of must try harder, I must learn to be better at just give up!

I give thanks for a promising pink sunset yesterday evening.  For the weather not being as sunny as some weather forecast I'd read as my joints were too sore to go out anyway. For waking aching in the dawn and remembering to resist the urge to open the curtains and watch the sky grow light as the seal has gone on my double glazing and my view is through water now and just makes me fret about one more thing needing fixing.

I give thanks for playing with patchwork pieces as much as my arm would allow, a long bubbly bath with a book, and a late tasty lunch with some Scandi noir catch up.

Tomorrow I'm going to view a tiny flat. Reasonable location, near a bus stop with a shelter and heaters on the walls that you don't have to drag around on trailing extension leads. These are my kinds of luxury, but I suspect the place might be too small to keep myself in a manner which I could bear to become accustomed. I give thanks I can accept all kinds of things that can improve one's perception of quality of life are out of the question...spare room, some outside space and so on, but this looks as if even a small table and chairs might be problematic if you want a sofa in the living area too. Then there's books, and sewing things and medical supplies. And I'm not ready to give up owning a guitar, even if I can't play it! We shall see...and I give thanks for being open to looking.

Weather with you

I give thanks Laura went to Morrisons yesterday...and sent me a message beforehand asking a) if I needed anything (yes please a pint of milk !) and b) if I'd like some of the vegetable curry she was making (yes please!). I'd already started making some lentil patties and was wondering what to have with them, and I give thanks I was able to send her back with a couple too.

I give thanks for a hearty supper then after a day of feeling too out of sorts to eat much. For a long bath with a good book (thank you Ann). I would probably be more contented if I could read novels more or less continuously but I feel my existence is pointless enough without resorting to paperback opiate abuse...

I give thanks for good progress in arm healing...particularly for being able to use cutlery again. For making a wide inroad into sorting out my fabric stash before the wound started reminding me it's not quite mended yet. When it seems you're stuck, or helplessly heading in a direction that feels all wrong, it's good to create a little order in an area you can control...though of course you usually also create an area of more chaos.

Today's been hard, feeling downhearted and restless but lacking motivation. I give thanks for thinking a walk in the wet might help...but then the sun came out and the bustling crowds. I give thanks for seeing people I know with visiting family members, and one of them not being too wrapped up in that to chat. For the puddles full of sand and sky. For a mug of tea and a toasted teacake to rest with before almost crawling back up the hill.

Turn turn turn

Oh dear, I'm struggling a bit with gratitude at the moment, I'm sorry to say. There just seem to be too many clouds on the horizon and over my head to do the ray of sunshine thing. And it feels as if I should be better at the job by now which doesn't help either...

I give thanks for reminding myself that health and wealth are no sure fire sources of happiness, nor even being worry free. And conversely, of course, you don't have to feel downhearted if you lack anything...it's simply a matter of not wishing anything was any different from how it is. Simple, yes, but still hard.

I give thanks for still experiencing fleeting moments of pleasure, and remembering all pleasure is fleeting as anyhow, that's the way life is.

I give thanks for waking up from bad dreams to find they were not real.

I give thanks for delicious porridge this morning made with honey, cinnamon and cream. For having the ingredients...and being able to both stir the pot and wash it up afterwards.

I give thanks for hearing about other people's successes and joys and plans.

I give thanks for a plumber finally coming to fix my kitchen taps so they are turn off and onable again. I found the chap rather intrusively vocal and loud so I give thanks I could go and lie down with the duvet over my head to recover after he'd been!

Back for good

I give thanks for a busker offering a rather nice rendition of the above song in town here today. For the bright sunshine tempting me out though neither spirit nor flesh were especially keen, especially after the effort of getting ready! For taking the time to put extra layers on as the wind had no problems with keenness at all...

I give thanks for all the tourists about around here and the next town along. And for managing to find a couple of places in my travels they weren't (including, but not exvusively, Mima's courtyard garden!) For reminding myself they aren't back for good, and there'll be a little lull in the onslaught after the children go back to school again. Tourists are great, they mean the area stays alive between the summer months...but I find it much easier to live in the peacefulness and space when in of autumn, spring and winter.

I've just remembered I took my proper camera out today intending to spot some eyecatching something or other...but got completely sidetracked and never took it out of my bag. Oh well... Here's a snap of the fancy pants binding I found to attach my patchwork to the backing.

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Good vibrations

I give thanks I can see the humour in my clumsiness. My right arm is becoming more mobile and less painful but still needs back up from my left which displays its stroke damage with slight but significant degrees of inaccuracy. Last night it managed to miss my mouth with a chunk of quorn and deliver it onto the carpet instead...and today, spooning out a rice dish, it came into contact with the side of the hot bowl, jerking away involuntarily and serving grains in a wide circle round the room! Both times, I promise you, I really did laugh out loud. Well, you have to sometimes eh?

I give thanks for a bit more energy and enthusiasm for life beyond merely preserving life, including sorting out a big bag of textiles for recycling, going up and down the tall ladder to change the washing drying on the ceiling rack (because hauling on ropes is currently banned) and even sewing half a dozen four and a half inch seams on the sewing machine! I give thanks it's performance enhancing drug day though, my system feels more than ready for its vital boost...

I give thanks for sorting out a little jaunt next month with Jan. Well, for letting her sort it out actually. This is very rare for me - usually I'm the instigator and organiser - so either she is very honoured or I am getting very lazy!

I give thanks my fistula is still buzzing away. Be warned, if you know me and I meet you I'll probably ask if you'd like to have a feel!

Sugar mountain

Mmm, I give thanks for having a comfort food dinner made for me...and for having the broccoli chopped up when my left hand couldn't fork it into mouthfuls! For the washing up done and a soothing acupuncture treatment.

I'm still tired and sore but I give thanks for some more normal activity today - washing my hair, laundry, library, even a bit of shopping in town though I found the sugared up schoolkids on scooters a bit scary, and kept worrying they'd bump into my arm. I do give thanks for metaphorically bumping into Christine though...and for better weather for the holiday makers.

I give thanks for some of the most beautiful nature photography I've ever seen in a series of documentaries about mountain ranges. For the simple pleasure of chamomile tea. For threading my sewing machine ready for when I'm ready.

Relax

I give thanks my imagination has been active today...my body mostly couldn't be bothered! Thus I give thanks for another mostly grey clouded day, good books and quilts etc.

I give thanks the plumber who was supposed to come couldn't - the job's not desperately urgent and even less reason for me to do anything remotely like bustling about.

I give thanks for Higgidy pie and microwave rice for a lazy but tasty lunch. For slo mo catching up with washing up and tidying the kitchen ready for Rachel to come bringing tea. For a bit of a play with my one day I'll sew some together and they'll be patchwork squares...and then clearing them off the bed so I could get under the covers for a cosy mini snooze!

Why does it always rain on me?

After three fistula surgeries I give thanks I now feel ready to add some handy hints to the hospital booklet's list of dos and don'ts. Don't have the operation if you have a stoma to deal with; don't go there if you have a head of curly hair... And, if possible, only have it done during the summer months so there's less clothes to struggle in and out of!

Today I give thanks for eventually getting dressed in many pull on layers and taking out the recycling and mail to post. For Mima suggesting sharing of snacks and a flask of tea in a car park with a scenic view and arriving just before the rain and steamed up windows obscured it. For my new heater, a hot bath and a hot water bottle on my return - even though we only walked to and from the car the damp and chill gets deep in your bones some days.

I give thanks for sight of families out and about despite the dreary weather, I hope they had some fun! I give thanks for it being just right for me to do some more dossing around as I need a bit more yet. I give thanks I have this once loved but long forgotten tune now playing my head...And for men in kilts!