Fool if you think it's over

The last few days I've been feeling rather chilly and needing cosy layers and even blasts of heat, so I give humongous thanks for the temperature rising again today so that I could enjoy a (last?) summery sit in the communal gardens with a book between various tasks and chores.

I give thanks for doing some vacuuming. You know what happens every time I do now? I give thanks I traded in my Henry for a lighter more manoeuvrable machine. It gets the carpets cleaner too!

I give thanks for being able to wear summer clothes a little longer, not least before my warmest ones are stashed away and I don't want to have to excavate the back of the cupboard under the stairs to get them out and accept another shivery winter without central heating is on its way.

I give thanks for trying out some different Earl Grey tea bags and pain relieving cream and finding them both pretty good. I give thanks for accepting that's pretty much as much adventure as there is left in my life now...but for being still hopeful I can squeeze in a little more.

Bright side of the road

I give thanks for getting into bed. Maybe it's sad but sometimes that is the best part of the day. And though I loved that hot weather, I give thanks it's cool enough now for a duvet to be necessary...when I wrap mine round myself it's almost like a hug! I give thanks for soft earplugs to soften the sounds of all the people sleeping (or not!) nearby...

I give thanks for another episode of Extraordinary Rituals, this one about gatherings. Such fascinating footage especially, for me, of the Burning Man festival which is still so new and evolving its own traditions.

I give thanks for a very nice local lady suggesting a meeting of terrace tenants to discuss what we could do to improve life on our street. Considering the number of dwellings it wasn't at all well attended, but there was a sense of positivity and resourcefulness which hopefully will catch on. I feel like I haven't much to offer in terms of bright ideas or brute strength but I give thanks I attended as even in that act there was a sense of being part of the community. Oh and I give thanks for thinking of this wonderfully uplifting Van Morrison song when I got back just now.

Shout

I give thanks for feeling a lot better in body, mind and spirits today...er, except for my joints which clearly didn't get the memo and have made actually doing anything very painful.

I give thanks for having a go at sewing my fabric hanging anyway and for getting a little further before I had to give up. I really would like to get it finished and on the wall but I'm stumped on the dowels anyway. I can get just the right length for the two pieces in town, but in one piece which would be very awkward for me to get home...and probably very hard for me to cut. And yes I explained my dilemma in the shop and no, they didn't offer to help...

I give thanks for making some very nice pasta for my lunch before my hands started to lock up and I had to do nothing at all for a while... I give thanks for some recorded TV to watch and books to read, and a bath without the next door children squealing through the wall. I give thanks Mr Upstairs has been mostly out as he's been mostly in for the last few days and in a rather grumpy mood. If I hear people shouting and swearing, even if I know it's not at me it still makes me feel shouted at!

It might as well rain until September

I don't mind having some rather manly mannerisms but manly muscles would be so much more use. Maybe then I wouldn't have to abandon a table in the middle of the floor with its legs in the air over night! I give thanks for moving one and a half tables and associated bits of kit yesterday evening - and for remembering that's not half bad for someone with quite as many serious things wrong as I have. I give thanks for finishing all the major rearranging jobs, for sorting out the TV which doesn't like so much as a butterfly breathing near it, vacuuming and doing the laundry, making some food and falling asleep...

I've not been feeling so good today so I give thanks I had stuff to do in town and had to get off my proverbial and get on with it anyway after all the above. I give thanks the sun came out for a bit to take the chill off the nip in the air. For managing to do the necessary nodding and smiling, even make the occasional quip, even if actual sunniness was beyond me.

I give thanks for having enough monthly data left to try out an episode or two of something new on Walter Presents.  Dark detective stories and a glimpse of life in foreign climes? Yes please... And some Bake Off after for icing on the cake. What more could I want? Well, let's not go into that on a gratitude blog eh?

I give thanks Bob's latest remix is doing well, don't know what the original was like but it sounds pretty good to me

https://soundcloud.com/kickflip/wavewhore-i-feel-it-kickflip-remix

I don't want to talk about it

I give thanks for people not talking to me as I really am not in the mood! I give thanks for the bank holiday meaning I don't have to talk to anyone at all...

I give thanks for lots of time alone to think and not think and all the things I like to do instead of chattering. Well, not all of them obviously but I certainly don't want to think about all the things I like to do I can't do either! One of the things I've been thinking about is why there's a sense I ought to justify or even apologise for this preference...and I give thanks I think I've sussed out it's because I'm a woman, and in our here and now we're supposed to be there for people to be there. If I were a chap I could process stuff by disappearing into my office or shed, grabbing a metal detector or surfboard and nobody would expect anything more.

I give thanks for managing a bit of knitting though my hands were sore from a bit of rag rug making yesterday so not as much as I would have preferred. I give thanks for getting on with mundane household chores though not as much as I should have. For enjoying hearing a fox in the night when I couldn't sleep...though all the neighbourhood dogs that were barking back not so much!

I give thanks for the weather being better for folk out and about doing holiday things. For a strange but tasty concoction for lunch - a sort of kedgercoronation. And for a refreshing siesta afterwards.

Refugee

I give thanks for all the years I had 'You don't have to live like a refugee' as a personal motto. It's not been an easy life, and the few times I've had any sense of safety and security on its way, it's turned out I've been most mistaken, so it was a helpful little mantra to remind myself to look after myself as best as could be done. And the best thing to do today felt like making my flat somewhere for living again as I'm not leaving.

Unpacking would just be way too sad so I give thanks for some rearranging of what's still on show. I give thanks there's a laminate floor in the kitchen and some of the piles of heavy boxes could be slid not lifted. I give thanks for even, after many unsuccessful manoeuvres, finding somewhere out of the way for that big wooden drawer that got left behind when I sold the single bed. I give thanks that I have other plans for visual improvements but these will have to wait until I've recovered from these exertions...home wasn't built in day!

I give thanks for a roof over my head even though it leaks! I give thanks for not having to share my living space even though the lack of sound insulation often makes it seem as if I do.

I give thanks for feeling pretty well all things considered but for remembering, as I view with dread the oncoming winter, I'll be spending three days a week at a cosy hospital. Hmm....

Time after time

Well I had a good time yesterday, but really and truly I'm not finding that easy to be grateful at the moment so I shall keep this short and try to be sweet not too bitter!

I've been rather tired and sore, not surprisingly, so I give thanks for receiving a Bank Holiday offer on some Body shop products I've been hankering after and, as the nearest one is not open for the next couple of days, for getting myself eventually to the bus stop.

I give thanks for the countryside looking green again, and for all the people I saw looking happy. I give thanks for my earplugs and headphones so I didn't have to listen to them too...

I give thanks for not falling asleep on the return journey - for more than a minute or two here and there - and for falling asleep almost straight away for a great many of them joined up when I'd dragged myself back up the hill.

I give thanks the weather report for tomorrow is stormy. Maybe if I have good rest this evening tomorrow I might be up to a tidy up. One thing I did like about my home was the way I'd made it look before I turned it into a transit camp so I need to come up with a plan for an arrangement of the debris everywhere that seems a little less depressing.

Leaving on a jet plane

No, not me personally but I did unexpectedly get as far as an airport loo!

So...how come? Well, yesterday I felt like I needed not to stay indoors but at the same time I didn't want to be anywhere. I give thanks for coming up with the idea of going on a long bus ride or two with no particular destination in mind just some music in my ears and the world going past my window....However, just as I was preparing to set off I heard from Gary that as Stephy wasn't well he was looking for a companion today for a drive to a boat trip to see the Red Arrows so I saved my energy for that. There wasn't much to spare anyway, I felt so weary...and then my right hand locked up while I was cooking so I give thanks it wasn't anything complicated and my left hand could manage on its own! I give thanks for playing with making crosswords which uses my brain more than any body part that hurts if I do. In fact it takes my mind off stuff that hurts my brain which is much appreciated right now.

Today we set off in reasonable spirits but as we donned layer after later of clothing (I even bought an extra one in a charity shop en route!) and dosed ourselves up with Cyclizine we realised though we were enjoying the day the prospect of a choppy boat trip in the rain wasn't appealing all that much. I give thanks after waiting almost an hour on the quay when we got soaked in a nasty hailstorm I give thanks we both decided to abandon our fellow travellers (who had been driving us quietly mad anyhow) and do something else instead. I give thanks we went had some reviving refreshments - actually no, backtrack I give thanks we found a cafe still open to serve us some! And I give thanks though my waterproof is not an anorak I thoroughly enjoyed going to the airport to see the jets take off and land instead. It was quite cold enough there, but I found it rather heartwarming the way the pilots wave when they taxi past the waiting watchers, and the bass note throb of the second engine -wow that needs sampling for sure!

Most of all I give thanks for a day of much laughter and commiseration with a good old friend, which didn't solve any of my unsolvable problems of course but which cheered me up no end.

Sorrow

Today I give thanks for not moving any more stuff around as my body is in protest after yesterday. Also I heard that my move is on the verge of collapse so not much point in it really. After finally agreeing to extend the lease the freeholder is failing to do the deal so my buyer's mortgage offer is about to expire and the vendor has issued an ultimatum which can't be met. All that effort, stress and expense for nothing! Thank goodness I'm good at gratitude eh?

I give thanks I received the news while reading the chapter on 'home' in the brain book. It was interesting to learn about the science behind some of the emotions I feel. Particularly why, with all the other things I could be upset about, the fact that I've packed away many of the things I like to see around me is right up there with the other disappointments.

I give thanks for a mug of Earl Grey tea and a fragrant bath to make a sort of substitute hug.
For thinking of all the good things I've bought in preparation for my relocation - my sofa, cooker, fridge freezer and towels. For hooking a row of my rag rug - a soothingly gentle and appropriate pastime for a life getting more tattered by the day

I give thanks for remembering to have compassion for all the other people groaning at the situation - the young chap who wanted this place for his first home, his parents who might have been rather keen for him to move out, the agents waiting for commission, people reading this post or who I'll have to tell in person who might struggle to find the right thing to say. Because seriously...what can you say

I give thanks for deciding to write this early and log off, shut down and hide myself away so no one can regret to inform me of anything else for a while. I'll be back...just need to do some serious wound licking

Happiness

I give thanks though I went back to bed late morning this was after a couple of hours rearranging a table and chairs, a carpet, several plants in large ceramic pots (plus repotting one - always a messy business in a flat!) and some empty and newly filled boxes that had been waiting for places to be. Things take up far more room when they're not in in the spots you usually keep them don't they? When I'd done all that and more, then whipped up and polished off a batch of pancakes, a short run out of power nap and a couple of chapters of The Happy Brain while horizontal seemed quite reasonable to me and I was very grateful for all of those treats too!

I give thanks it's been pretty quiet round here today so after lunch, as my hands were too sore to do any crafty stuff, I could snooze some more in front on some catch up TV before sorting out the farthest reaches of the 'shed' cupboard where I found a saw that's been there so long I don't remember owning it!

I give thanks for the changing light on the sea...and for being able to see it.

I give thanks for remembering it's performance enhancing drugs day. It's been nice not to feel ill after getting plenty of rest but I could do with a bit more resilience to deal with all the stress and strenuousness...

Me myself I

Yay, I give thanks that Rachel was pleased with the knitted tree on her jumper! It's not been a very compliant project so far so fingers crossed that bit won't need unpicking...

I give thanks for rustling up a simple but very pleasant tea of Spanish omelette, Greek salad and garlic bread...and for the simple pleasures of having the washing up done for me and a bag of charity donations taken away. For a reviving treatment that gave me the impetus for an evening of more sorting out and packing up.

I give thanks it wasn't until the middle of the night when cramps and spasms and aches and pains in all sorts of places woke me up that I realised quite how much lifting and shifting and housework and knitting I'd done through the day...

Today I've been feeling mostly rather sick and sore and tired so I give thanks I had a prescription to pick up and could sit a while in the sunshine listening to other people's conversations and being rather glad I wasn't expected to join in as they seemed to be monologues taken in turns!

My surgical supplies company is having a poetry competition on the theme of change in relation to health conditions. I suspect they're after some upbeat Pam Ayres style ditty but this is what came out of my head...

Beneath the guise of clothing
Below the surface scars
Deeper than skin
Further down than the scalpel cuts
Where the drugs don't work
The rays can't penetrate
There is a tiny part inside
Not broken
Not sick
Not patched up, mended rearranged
Lucky to be here
Soldiering on
Adapting
Frightened
Brave 
Or sad

Just my unchanged self

Something old something new

I give thanks for feeling a bit less dead today, particularly useful as I had a lot of daily life to get done! I give thanks some of the jobs were sitting down ones as it's still very humid which makes the more energetic tasks more taxing...

I give thanks a BT engineer went up the pole outside my house on some business for another number and did not disconnect my line! This is a very rare occurrence...

I give thanks the Tesco delivery driver realised his mistake half way up the stairs in the wrong block and I found him and could deliver him to my door. I give thanks all the ingredients I wanted for tonight's tea were present and correct.

I give thanks for the great armchair anthropology opportunities afforded by BBC2's Extraordinary Rituals. They are extraordinary in that they are different from 'ours' but nonetheless quite normal elsewhere. I particularly enjoy seeing these ancient ceremonies performed in more or less traditional ways, but filmed on local's phones for social media etc.

Where have all the flowers gone?

I give thanks for strapping up my hands with Actipatches last night. It's a fiddly process and I'd already turned out the light and was settling down and drifting off despite the pain but I thought I'd regret it if I didn't. The night gave me enough grief with various sore bits, minor equipment malfunctions, a scary dream and even a mild panic attack so every little helps I guess!

I give thanks for sleeping late and rising later. For realising not only am I not very well and not very young but also it was extremely humid which I find much harder work than heat and doing very little else until early afternoon. For the sun breaking through the clouds, the fresh breeze to take the edge off the mugginess, and going for a bit of a walk on wilder bits of the Warren with Mima to blow the cobwebs away. There was a chap with a proper job camera looking for sea daffodils which I'd never heard of so I looked them up when I got home and very pretty they look too! For finding quite a few small but sweet ripe blackberries away from both roads and raised dog legs...and lots of post bloom irises (I think) in the scrubby little wood there I love.

I give thanks for some home made cake to bring home, dinner being almost ready and some more boxes to fill. But not tonight, oh no! I give thanks for promising myself a rest! If it's quiet enough I might enjoy some TV, if not there's earplugs and a book...

Tougher than the rest

When I woke up this morning my first thought was 'My goodness I hurt!' or words to that effect... I give thanks I could stay in bed! I give thanks for finishing the most excellent How Not to be a Boy while I was there - one of the best books I've ever read. Funny and sad and honest and true...

I give thanks for a few hours after that rather creating a convincing impression of someone not juggling renal failure, fibromyalgia and a nasty case of knitters' thumbs and getting more stuff done. I give thanks for filling the last of my empty boxes so could pack that in for a bit and get on with general chores instead. I give thanks for clean bedding - I made my bed and I lay on it and promptly fell asleep!

I give thanks for there's some of yesterday's lentil stew left. I could eat red lentil dahl several times a week (and sometimes do!) but I decided to use the brown sort plus some elderly veg spiced up with smoked garlic, smoked paprika and garam masala. A highly recommended combination...

Handbags and gladrags

I give thanks for reorganising my stash of filled boxes making it easier to add to...or even take some away! It involved much shifting of other heavy items which had to be done in several shifts and absolutely exhausted me so I give thanks I was able
to have a night's sleep in between and a long lunchtime lie down too.

As all this made my arms ache, and my hands were already sore from knitting, so it was either go to sleep when I'd finish or go out and exercise my legs instead. By the time I got to the bus stop it felt like I'd made the wrong choice, so I give thanks by the time it eventually arrived very late I'd perked up a bit and could be grateful for the lovely views of countryside and coastline by the time I'd found a seat on the top deck.

I was going to a special supermarket in hopes of buying a particular product, and as they didn't have any I give thanks for finding one or two other products to make it worth my while including an organic loaf to go with my evening lentil stew.

I give thanks I got to the bus stop early for my return journey as the bus seemed to leave early too. I had to change when I got back to town and while I was waiting for the connection (which never actually turned up - all services being messed up by a local carnival I believe) I popped into a charity shop and fell in love with a floral bag. It was as new and a mere £4, but of course I have plenty of bags and knew it wasn't required...so I give thanks I bought it anyway and put a couple thay are likely to now be unused in my donations collection when I got home to feel better about it!

You say it best

I give thanks for feeling a whole lot healthier this evening than I did last night. I didn't think it was renally related but it was scary and I'd read my blood results and they were somewhat too, emphasising that I really am rather seriously unwell and it is indeed likely it might start to become a whole lot more noticeable soon.

I give thanks to Jan for saying the right things. I don't talk much about how I really feel as my experience shows on the whole people don't - either because they because they don't think or because they weren't really listening any way, just waiting for their chance to say what they think or feel instead. This isn't meant to be a criticism, just an observation of human nature. We all tend to be much better at egotism than empathy no matter how much we like to kid ourselves...

I give thanks for taking it very easy until lunchtime and then enjoying a long bath and a delicious bowl of pasta with potassium sauce as the level of this in my body is, remarkably, now within normal range so a few mushrooms, some sundried tomato pesto and a sprinkle of cheese was in order. I gave a lot of thanks for that!

I give thanks this gave me the energy to scrub the bath and surrounding tiles, knit a couple more rows of Rachel's jumper and pack a couple of boxes. It may well be I start dialysis before I move at this rate so I really need to get as much done as I can in case it makes me feel worse instead of better!

Read all about it

I give thanks it's still mild enough to have windows open at night, and for the tasty and nutricious supper I provide to flying crawling things! For lavender oil in the bedside table to put on the itchy bits each time I woke to scratch them

I give thanks for being quite bustly and productive during the evening yesterday as my get up and go has pretty much all gone away today.

I give thanks for eventually dragging myself down the hill, later than intended but in an unexpected gap in the clouds so all though the wind was mighty strong it was pleasant to get some fresh air. I give thanks I have no aspirations to a hair style! For achieving a few useful tasks including picking up my own copy of The Idiot Brain as I enjoyed the borrowed one so much... plus its sequel which the library doesn't yet have.

I give thanks for spending a lot of the rest of the time lying down, not just as I feel rather feeble, but also because I started reading Robert Webb's excellent How Not To Be A Boy and the pages just keep turning! He's a witty and thoughtful writer with interesting tales to tell, and having spent much of my youth not being a girl, my middle years realising there was no need and my later life mystified how much of this extremely unhelpful gender generalisation still pervades I also find it wryly refreshing!

I give thanks for having the physical wherewithal (plus ingredients) to make a quick meal when I can be bothered to move again. It may even be tonight...

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

I give thanks I'm committed to finding stuff to be grateful for, as my enthusiasm levels have fallen rather low of late, so it's a particularly useful exercise.  

I give thanks for managing a few more rows of the tree of strife on Rachel's jumper

For a white gull against a dark grey cloud

For some stewed apple and blackberries...on top of a scotch pancake with cream

For my earplugs, on several occasions

For a couple of hours of peacefulness last night to watch the last episode of Dicte. For some happy outcomes for the protagonists, though I'm always drawn to the fate of the other characters who must lose or fail in their quests for this to happen - in fact as well as fiction

Stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again

Hmm now, let me see...

I give thanks the back ache I went to bed with disappeared during the night.

I give thanks for no phone calls from the hospital again. There's no such thing as all clear for me but clearly not too bad will do!

I give thanks for Jenny bringing me a couple more empty boxes to pack...just in case I need to one day, and for a lift down to town

For a couple of books I wanted at the library...and being able to read. For a couple of biscuits to go with my cuppa...and for having a cuppa made for me

For the sun coming out and stopping to take one of those lush lemon curd ice creams down to the sea front on the way home even though my back seemed to weigh a ton. For a cab to bring me back up the hill again, a quick power nap as I'd run out of it and a hasty tasty pasta tea...

Flowers in the rain

A woman in the changing room yesterday asked if we knew anything about baby showers as she was going to her partner's grandson's and hadn't been to one before. I had one of those wake up call moments when I realised how far I've drifted from the path of contemporary feminine society. Partner? Grandchild? Baby shower? To be honest, I was kind of grateful - it all seems rather too complicated for me - though I did become rather wistful regarding how far I find myself from the paths that appealed instead.

I give thanks for another very enjoyable episode of Mark Kermode's Secrets of the Cinema, an early night and a long lie in musing on the strange matters that occupy my mind in lieu of all that normal stuff! For being able to go with the flow of my whims and fancies within the small range of activities available to me now including cleaning the tops of my kitchen cupboards, spraying painting my tarnished bed knobs... and cooking up some dahl.

I give thanks for the rain for the growing things. For the poignancy of the fading flowers on my foot...

All I need

I give thanks I've just woken up...and I give thanks for falling asleep! I give thanks for the grey mizzly afternoon that made a late nap seem so particularly cosy and comfortable...and a busy morning with chores, followed by a swim in the pool of a nearby hotel which made it seem so downright necessary! I give thanks the nasty cramps that kept rousing me during the night didn't bother me this afternoon at all...

I give thanks the hotel barman willingly served us mugs of tea...and also had a choice of rather nice biscuits to nibble while watching the rain fall on the pretty gardens.

I give thanks for discovering if you're not allowed a lot of potatoes and slice them rather then chop them to cook you seem to have more on your plate. Of course they cook more quickly that way too!

I hear you knocking

Yay! No one rang me up to tell me I was at death's door...and I give thanks for that! I've been hanging around in his back garden for close on ten years now and it's a strange way to live I can tell you...though you probably won't understand. It's so hard to think ourselves into other people's positions isn't it?

I give thanks for spending some of the day, though no money yet, trying to work out something different to do to mark the passage of this sizeable chunk of time within my current limitations, and before there are more. For Mima providing a quick lunch of her leftovers when I'd worn out the library computers.

I give thanks for a fabulous tea last night. Just pasta but with a just right sauce. For finding a Lewis I had never seen to lounge in front of, and for Mr Upstairs not being above my lounge! For a long laugh in the bath with an Agatha Raisin. They're not literature but they sure can be fun...

I give thanks for going to make tea tonight and realising there are all sorts of snacky things in the fridge to finish up, plus that delicious bread for sandwiches... I have blackberries and apples to make a pudding too. Could life be any better? Haha, yeah tons... but that will do for now.

Something in the air

I give thanks the Donnie Darko clouds dropping rain into the bay while I walked to the station didn't drop any on me. For having time, after discovering in the train toilet I really needed to be in a facility that kept still and had a lockable door, to find one. For having enough data on my phone (just) to research where the nearest one was, and after detouring to that and finding it out of order, finally mastering the mystery tour of ambiguous signs to the next. This wasn't Radar key operated, you had to press an intercom type button and the door to a baby changing room opened, with the disabled loo off that. There were lots of high up wide open windows in the wall and it was in a busy shopping centre so I couldn't tell if all the voices I could hear so clearly were actually in the baby room or on the street outside - most disconcerting!

It's been a while since I've been in the city and it all seemed rather fraught and fractious with lots of sugared up kids and heavily smoking adults, so I give thanks for the oasis of calm that was the Waterstones cafe - and a damn fine Pastel de Nata too! I give thanks for being able to buy the bits I'd gone for -  a new saucepan to replace the one I hope to get clean but will need to take time over, a new smoke alarm as though it may have been just a dodgy battery in the old one, when I say 'old' I mean older than recommended by far, a loaf of yummy spelt bread from the health food shop and a mini retro alarm clock that I fell in love with last time I saw it but resisted on the grounds I have my phone. I have given in not just because it is very appealing, and very reasonably priced, but also because I can see what time it is when I wake without being tempted to go on line!

At the hospital everyone seemed even more frazzled than the folk in town, with patients and paperwork going astray and queues for rooms and procedures. The waiting room was full of rather grim and grumbly mumbly types so I was listening to Buddhist chants on my earphones when suddenly I had the funniest thought - what if next time I came in fancy dress? Would anyone crack a smile if there was a five foot four banana on the chair next to them? I suggested this to the poor hespered specialist when it was my turn and there must have been a few raised eyebrows as gales of laughter drifted out of the consulting room. Hmm, I'm not sure about a banana in a renal clinic she said - how about a cranberry? All the staff I spoke to thought it was a brilliant idea so I might just look into it! How am I? Well we'll have to wait for the blood results but the general opinion is that if I'm stuffing my face with Portuguese parties and thinking up practical jokes to play I'm doing OK whatever they say...

Hold my hand

I give thanks for the bows and flows of angel hair clouds yesterday evening, prettily tinted pink.

For dealing with a day that seemed to have more of its share of things to be ungrateful for, including burning a pan of chick peas very badly and my whole arm going into spasm after trying, unsuccessfully, to scrub it clean. It's so scary when this happens (not to mention painful) and all you can do is try to rest and relax the limb completely...and, when you can move it again, use a different saucepan! I give thanks I'd already showered and dressed or I'd have had to go down through the communal areas to the street door im my nightie to get my deliveries of surgical and grocery supplies.

As the vendor's estate agent continues to try to put the fear of his clients pulling out on me while the freeholder continues to indulge in as much skulduggery as he can, plus I'm already stressed about seeing the consultant tomorrow, I give thanks for plans of pleasantly distracting activities to soothe my anxieties. Unfortunately they all involved using my arms - creative pursuits or internet surfing, reading, household tasks - so I give thanks for some meditation instead. I always give thanks for meditation, I just often forget to say... I give thanks for remembering (and playing) my favourite Hootie and the Blowfish song. Uplift on a stick that is!

I give thanks for a shower of rain for the parched earth. For nearby neighbours being quiet. For this article featuring curtains of a design I've come to know rather well...

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.devonlive.com/news/devon-news/most-famous-curtains-exeter-ways-1858254.amp

Tears of a clown

I give thanks for giving people gifts when the gift is exactly right! Quite often Rachel and I offer each other items we have an excess of or no more use for and last night I'd put aside some pretty coloured vest tops that had become rather too saggy for my matching frame. I was quite prepared for her to politely decline but it turned out she was wearing a dress that needed one for modesty and had only been able to lay her hands on a winter vest so she changed immediately!

I give thanks for fresh made pesto for my tea and unwisely having another cup of Earl Grey after it so that I was baking granola at bed time and wide awake but happily enjoying the after effects of acupuncture until the small hours. I give thanks for going back to bed for a snooze after breakfast!

I give thanks after reading The Idiot Brain I've realised just quite how a large number of major potential stressors I have to navigate in life in general, and at the moment especially...never mind the small stuff for sweating or not!  So many things outside even my imaginary control, but shutting down as far as possible for a few hours here and there is a good little safety valve for mind as well as body. For a mostly quiet day on the terrace to enable this after a bout of competitive mansplaining in the communal gardens had come to an end. People listening is as entertaining as people watching sometimes...and as exasperating!

I give thanks for unpicking some sewing that had gone wrong for a change instead of Rachel's mistake ridden jumper. 

I give thanks for finishing Rachel Joyce's delightful The Music Shop which made me shed a few tears towards the end but in a mostly good way, you know?

I heard it through the grapevine

Mysteriously, miraculously, I didn't get cramp in the night after walking about yesterday. And yes I give thanks for that! I also give thanks that I didn't have to get up early for anything today as I was extremely tired...

I give thanks for delicious stuffed vine leaves all the way from the exotic climes of Sheffield for my lunch. For the sun coming out so I could eat it on my leisurely way to the library. For knowing Jenny was givimg me a lift home so I could get shopping on the way...and for not actually getting shopping as it turned out she didn't have the car after all.

I give thanks for having a bit of a tidy up in between a lot of a sit down...and that (as far as I know) Rachel is coming to give me a treatment soon and bringing something for tea. Nothing in life is certain - whether it's something looked forward to or something we dread - so I also give thanks for a plan B which is to drift off into a nap.

Golden brown

I gave thanks I didn't have a car last night, listening to the bickering over parking places wafting up on the evening air. For pondering on the trend for using the phrase 'Don't mean to be funny but...' when about to say something bordering on belligerent.

I give thanks I love my henna tattoo now it's deepened to its full glory. Just as I intended it makes me think of my foot as decorative not defective, and because I love looking at it so much I have my foot up more often when I'm sitting down so my foot is actually less swollen even when I walk around on it. Win win for me....

I give thanks for taking it for quite a bit of walking today, with lots of sitting down in between. I fancied going somewhere quite close I've never been in the height of the season before, and was quite taken aback by quite how crowded it was. A bit Torquaymolinos for my tastes but I give thanks for the cool of the waterfall...and the very agile and acrobatic flyboarder!

On my radio

There's a level at which the thump of bass and drone of DJ means someone's nearby radio cuts through the insulation of headphones or earplugs. Having endured a patch of that before the chap upstairs went out yesterday evening, I give thanks I decided not to risk another session, turned off my TV and headed for bed at 9.30 with a book when he came home again. I fell asleep before I'd read a word so clearly this was just what I needed!

I give thanks for going back to sleep after numerous cramp attacks, and even after another neighbour was shouting for his dog at 7.15 this morning...and then for an hour or two of quiet later so I could get back to the gripping series I'd been enjoying the night before.

I've not felt up to the outside world today, nor the processes I have to go through to get there, so I give thanks for getting some more sorting, cleaning and organising done, including the murky muddle under the sink. For some nice naps in between...and finishing the brain book. So fascinating...

I give thanks for these items I read on the BBC's radio pages. This one is about coincidences,

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/5G8ZWZLSqTM3ZvsWcsHg5Ys/seven-seriously-amazing-coincidences-shared-by-our-followers

And this one about not getting attention on social media. Coincidentally I don't!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/5zCN4TjQgdh0pcJVp2fmFg1/why-there-is-power-and-pleasure-in-going-unnoticed

Another day in paradise

I give thanks for the smell of well trampled grass on a warm summer night - reminds me of hay, reminds me of festivals! For the fantastic volunteers looking after the public loos in the seething carnival crowds, including minding people's pints while they went in! For boat lights glowing more brightly as darkness fell and red Mars low in the sky. For Sally coming to watch the fireworks with me so we could both be completely on a different planet together...

I was thinking the other day that going to gong baths is one of the few things I do now that I would still do if I were well, unlike so much else which is make do and make the best of things...I would certainly eat more ice cream if I could! Since it's been rationed I've been on a mission to try all the different sorts available locally to find the tastiest flavour to treat myself to. Booja Booja praline held the number one slot for ages but now the award goes the Lemon Curd made with Jersey milk I tried this afternoon. That is one of the best ice creams I've ever had and, until recent years, I had had a very great many!

I was very sore in lots of places earlier so I give thanks for eventually getting out to buy this, and other more essential items... I give thanks for buying my foot a lovely present for carrying on carrying me despite swelling and pain. A stool perhaps? Some kind of surgical support? Nah, a pretty flower henna tattoo to remind me to still look at it with love!

I give thanks though I want and need to move from my flat as soon as I can, I still live in this very pleasant town. For the gallery that displays these fascinating pictures made with found items... I wonder what glue they use?

I'm still waiting

I've been a mite fatigued today, so I give thanks I could take everything slowly and with a large pinch of sitting down! It's amazing how little I can do if I really try hard, but I also give thanks for finishing packing a box (just in case, you know) and doing some of the ironing...

I give thanks for my leftover afternoon tea for lunch and for making another sarnie in the late afternoon to have an early tea by the brook before gong time. For free range eggs and Tesco organic Gala apples - they are so sweet and juicy! For the sunshine coming out eventually too so that out of the breeze it's actually quite toasty. For my squashaway down jacket for later when I don't think so. Right, let's see if there's somewhere open for a takeaway cuppa...

Tea for two

I give thanks for Travelzoo having an offer I couldn't refuse in amongst all the ones I can't accept for one reason or another. This one was for use of a hotel spa followed by a cream tea and a mere half an hour away on the train, though Mima offered to drive us which was even better!

I give thanks for a good swim in a surprisingly big pool for a hotel, with pleasant changing rooms, showers, steam room and sauna, and adequately large and soft towels too which is not always the case when they're included. My body was soooo pleased to be able to do some exercise that didn't hurt! The tea was generous enough that we brought some of it home in doggy bags though nearly four hours later I'm still not sure if I'll want any of it tonight. It was a 'Prosecco' tea and we were both grateful they brought this in little unopened bottles so we could take them away for a treat another time.

I give thanks the noisiest nearest neighbours were out or quiet when I got home.  A nap was tempting but so was catching up with the latest episode of the excellent series Danish series Dicte. Oh and that reminds me...I give thanks for catching Mark Kermode's Secret's of the Cinema on rom-coms last night. I would say I'm not a fan of the genre...but I was definitely a fan of that!

I give thanks for doing the laundry before I went out, including all my bedding so if I can move myself to put a clean set on it will feel so good tonight. In the meantime...it's still quite quiet, and I certainly don't need to do any cooking... so I think I might just watch something else from my recorded collection of TV!