Fifty

I give thanks for the graduated pastel coloured sky last night with monochrome shapely trees and twinkling crescent moon. For the spring sunshine this morning and for managing to get the last top deck window seat on the bus to enjoy the view.

I give thanks for Imee Ooi in my ears helping me to maintain a state of equanimity regarding the state of my health and my future...well until I got to the hospital of course, and then I became a gibbering wreck... and a weepy one too when they said my treatment must start today. I give thanks for years of practice in dealing with difficult stuff on my own, but don't kid yourself I'm so independent I don't care. There are times when missing a non virtual hug or a hand to hold is almost as distressing as the situation that causes the need.

I give thanks though I had to wait for hours for a slot on a machine I was allowed to leave the ward and get refreshments. The canteen was teeming with lunchtime crowds and in the sensory overload of sounds and smells and bright lights and frantic folk it was hard to find something appetising, affordable and allowed. My eye was drawn to some packaged cake slices as I wouldn't need to struggle with a plate as well as a mug, and it took my fancy that they were billed as coming from Mid Wales. When I sat down and deciphered the minute print on the back I could see it said Welshpool...and the company was Sidoli's so I give thanks for the memories that brought.

I give thanks I had the foresight to move to a flat above a hotspot, sign up for Netflix and download some things to watch. For my left hand for patiently typing this. For blagging a taxi home. For Jan for talking to me from far away and saying the right things, and that Rachel is due to visit later.