Trente-et-un

I like a nice cup of tea in the morning... I was grateful for Clipper organic Earl Grey today, but ooh it would have been nicer, after a bad night with pain and cramps, to be a little later in the day! I give thanks I'd arranged to go to the hospital earlier than usual though - I'd thought I might go off for the weekend but even though I decided that was too much trouble and expense it still meant I avoided any curious incidents in the waiting room as they had me in and out in a jiff!

I felt rather anxious but nobody mentioned anything and I give thanks for keeping my head down to avoid coming in contact with any other patients, mostly by keeping my eyes closed too! I was very grateful for a few extra zzzs...

I give thanks I've just fitted in a few more, after a cuppa outside as the crowds and clouds had thinned when I got home. I'd hoped I might put a coat of paint on a small somewhere but I'm way too tired and sore... I give thanks I can whip up a small something for tea instead and loll about on the sofa with a film. I give thanks for getting my tickets for the first part of the journey tomorrow too. Woohoo, one less thing to do!

Trente

I give thanks for my duvet giving me a hug last night, for the steady support of my mattress. All that waiting around was very wearying and any kind of attack, even a verbal one, is harder to deal with when you don't have anyone by your side or on your side. So I give thanks after tea for taking myself off to bed to read and, shortly after I realised I'd forgotten my book, for falling fast asleep!

Today's been a lot about attempting damage limitation and I give thanks for my endeavours! I fished out the tetrapaks from the carrier bags full of unsorted unwashed items one of my neighbours insists on putting in the recycling boxes here and took them to the skip in the next door town where they belong...then emailed the building managers to ask if they could remind people what they are supposed to do. I took the broken roller blind pulley back to the shop for a replacement as suggested, and when we discovered that the replacement had a different shaped hole to fit on the bracket accepted a matching bracket too. (I also give thanks I didn't attempt to fit this first as the new pulley won't pull either...) I considered my options regarding the patient who caused me so much grief yesterday whose behaviour is causing me some anxiety regarding future meetings, contacted the advocacy officer for advice, and accepted her offer of taking it further on my behalf.

I give thanks for Mima taking me to pick up some paint and a vegan sausage roll for a hasty lunch on a bench with a takeaway cuppa before she went to her next class...and then delivering the paint late for me when she'd finished. For catching up with tennis and rest a little this afternoon...

Vingt-neuf

There's been a lot of lateness and waiting in my day so I give thanks for my patience and sense of humour. One of the nurses even thanked me for the latter brightening up her day which was nice! I give thanks for trying to be nice to the young patient who gave me a great deal of grief in the waiting room for using my phone and thus polluting the air with bad energy. I was trying to start writing my blog, catching up with an online conversation and looking out for a text from the taxi to say he was on his way and I was a little taken aback by his vehemence, explaining I don't use it all the time. You see you're trying to defend yourself he was saying you don't realise how addicted you are. Look at it clutched in your hand. How old are you? 61? Unbelieveable! Bless him, he seemed to be blissfully unaware there are other kinds of bad energy and though he did bring me down I was still grateful I had tried to spend my day spreading the good sort, even to him.

I was late both waking and getting up so I was very grateful I managed to catch up with myself enough to put another coat of tile paint on the decorative bathroom ones that don't go with the decoration I have in mind for in there. I'm trying to get as much work done as I can before the ops on my arm and feet next month as they will slow me down I'm sure, but I'm getting so tired pushing myself to keep doing a little bit more that getting home nearly two hours late today was a blessing...as was the Higgedy pie I'd already bought for my tea by curious forethought it seems. I was very grateful when the cab driver finally did turn up - a man I'd met a couple of times before who is inclined to give a lecture himself - he didn't seem to be in the mood to.

Vingt-huit

Ouch! That's a lot of pain for a little body... I give thanks for the bits I slept through, though the nightmares I could have done without! For eventually reclaiming my life around lunchtime today and more or less catching up with most of the stuff I meant to do. For the woman who rang up to give me my pre-op assessment saying I'd made her day by letting her glimpse the strange world of my imagination and giving us both a laugh.

I give thanks for winning a very lengthy battle with various technological objects and procedures and getting the train tickets for a little jaunt planned for Saturday and Nectar points as well! For popping into a couple of charity shops when I went out to the station and supermarket and coming back with a nice little Boden top with 'dialysis' sleeves - ie long enough to cover up the most mutilated parts of my right arm but short enough to roll up out of the way so it can be mutilated some more. £2.50 - get on!

For it being another pleasant day for yet more family fun on the green. I'm very grateful the PA was only going for four hours as I suspect I'm not the demographic its aimed at (when am I ever?) but though a lot of the tourists bring out the Victor Meldrew in me I'm aware they keep the businesses and facilities in this little town going and I give thanks they do. Ooh and I give thanks for accidentally discovering the information I'd read that the French Open was only on Eurosport and Sky this year was wrong! Woohoo, just time to do something slightly useful before M. Monfils is due to play...that'll do nicely!

Vingt-sept

I give thanks for blooming palm trees - how beautiful are they? For the slow holiday traffic meaning I got to appreciate the roadside gardens more, and uncut weedkiller free verges too. For the sight of folk out and about together - three youngsters with backpacks heading for the fair, a young couple with two small girls wheeling their bikes carefully down a lane and a white haired slightly stooped man and woman holding hands. What a wonderful world it can be!

In my world, though I was impressed and grateful to realise this morning how much I'd got done over the weekend, I could weep from weariness and pain. I give thanks for a quiet(ish) corner on the ward to yawn and doze when possible. For the tea trolley being late as my left hand went into cramp and I couldn't have lifted the cup earlier on. For silent cab drivers as I don't think I'd have been able to string a sentence together and for taking a cuppa and a snack straight back to bed when I got home. There are times when not being in social demand is in its way a blessing.

Vingt-six

My mistake - it wasn't a fun day but a fun weekend! Kinda put paid to my plans for a restful Sunday but I give thanks it seems to have been well attended and folk seem to have beeb enjoying it. For watching the ebb and flow of visitors and, as I was closer to the PA for the full programme than I might have chosen, for taking some pleasure in some of it too!

I give thanks it stayed fine as the weather report had not been too promising, and for staying indoors as my joints were giving me rather a hard time. To be fair I gave them rather a hard time too doing a few more 'its' myself my body just doesn't seem to be designed for any more. For the bliss of taking it easy in between these bursts of activity.

I give thanks for a tasty bowl of cream cheese and pesto pasta at lunchtime... and afterwards, when the effort of moving my bed away from the wall to start prepping the stretch of wall behind it proved an aspiration too far, for simply curling up under the patchwork cover with my earplugs in and surrendering to a stretch of sweet oblivion in an unusual but acceptable part of the room. I give thanks I think I can cope with this arrangement until such time as I can move things further and maybe actually fill, sand and paint... At the moment even getting back up off the bed seems too demanding, so I'm particularly grateful that when I do I'll find the food I made in advance yesterday waiting in the fridge.

Vingt-cinq

I give thanks for one of my favourite kind of days - and probably yours as well! What passing of time could we all agree on? Doing pretty much what you want when you want of course! It helps if you set your sights within your capabilities and budget obviously, and either have very easy going company or really like your own...and I give thanks for ticking those boxes!

There was a family fun day in town here and, fresh out of family to have fun with at its attractions, I give thanks for getting out early enough to get bread and milk and pick up a parcel before it all really got going. I give thanks for enjoying some of the live music too especially as it would have been hard not to hear it unless I shut all the windows and put my earplugs in. Some presumably local lads did a couple of sets of covers many of which seemed to be aimed at my generation, and it made me smile to wonder how many people were there old enough to want to dance to Brown Sugar and still capable!

The clouds kept piling up and though obviously I'm grateful on the punters behalf that it stayed dry I kept kind of hoping a storm would suddenly break and I could watch everyone running for cover. For it not being blazing sunshine either as I might have wanted to abandon the things I was doing and go back out. It was nice weather for ducks and that's the main thing...

I give thanks for some simple cookery and lots of eating. For short bursts of energy to tackle domestic chores and move the decorating on a slight increment here and there. For flolloping on the sofa in between with the odd snooze and some catch up TV. Oh and for catching sight in the schedule of one of those episodes of Lewis that I failed to record when I was still working. How young everyone looks - well I guess so did I!

I give thanks for my view of the sea...so many sorts of beautiful is has been today!

Vingt-quatre

Well it wasn't a bad day at the office, but I give thanks for that Friday feeling finally turning into Woohoo Friday night no hospital for two days! I give thanks for preferred nurses attending to my needles and not needling me by being incomprehensible or heavy handed. For pleasant taxi drivers too with whom I could find some common conversational ground. It makes a difference if you are stuck with someone for a thirty minute plus journey. you know. Guy on the way back rolled down the window for me so I could try to get a photo of the fabulously convoluted clouds though sadly not as good through my phone lens as my specs. He turned out to be a weather fan too and we discussed the delight of being caught in the rain which not everyone seems to understand...

Because I arrived early and started treatment straight away I gave thanks I was able to go to the hospital restaurant for a cuppa afterwards. If I have a wait at the start it's lunchtime for patients, visitors and staff and there's long queues and crowded tables so best not to go there - literally and metaphorically! For finally finishing the second season of American Gods so I feel I've 'got my money's worth' from the free Amazon Prime trial. It really was a visual feast even on a small screen. For nearly catching a nap afterwards and seeing the funny side when all the machines nearby started going haywire at once and making lots of noise, along with the people trying to stop them...and then just when it had all quietened down and I was finally drifting off, the tea trolley brought me back to wakefulness which is always something I'm grateful for... I give thanks for being home with a simple supper almost ready to eat and two whole days that are mine, all mine!

Vingt-trois

It's been a rather frustrating day, so best I don't have much to say! It probably didn't help I felt so tired as even minor mishaps and let downs seem magnified when your resistance is low...and I give thanks for understanding that.

I give thanks for getting out and trying to do things, and as the buses were interminably slow and the things very reluctant to be done, for little naps as I travelled in between. I give thanks for my bus pass. Goodness only knows how I'm going to manage when they declare me fit and unentitled. Oh and for believing the chap from the organisation the lady from Kidney Care referred me to was actually on the case of sorting out my backdated benefits. I believed it when she said she was getting my MP to too so as I'm considerably older than then it's a shame I wasn't wiser! He phoned today to say he hasn't been in touch with the DWP, and by the sounds of it hadn't read the lengthy email I sent him laying out the details of what money went in and out of my bank account over the last year or so, so I had to answer 20 difficult questions with none of the paperwork to hand and my Tesco delivery melting in the kitchen.

Oops I started grumbling didn't I? I give thanks for my Tesco delivery and the kind driver carrying it to the kitchen. For recorded music in my ears on my journeys and for a pair of close harmony buskers doing Simon and Garfunkel songs in the sun. I give thanks for finally remembering to take my supergreens and for a late but great siesta on the way I'm thinking!

Vingt-deux

I give thanks for remembering to be grateful for all that moving around yesterday afternoon when muscles and joints complained at length in the night. For abandoning my bed for a bit for a change of position and to peep at the sleeping town as I like to do...then seeing the moon illuminating the sea and the brook, what a treat for me!

I give thanks for things needing doing on the high street here before setting off today as it was a gloriously sunny morning and I thought I could fit in a rest in the rays as well. I'd counted without the slow moving queues though, plus an early arriving taxi, but when I got to the unit no machines were free so I could take a seat outside there instead... And afterwards when they let me out a bit early too. Woohoo! Gotta keep that vitamin D level up eh?

I give thanks for a consultant coming to discuss my past (I'm a miracle apparently) plus my future - I'm doing very well, can stop some pills, don't need longer sessions and can think about foreign travel again. This latter is dependent on a unit having space and my finances being healthy enough for costs but ooh what a joyful thing to hear for a thwarted adventuress. Anyone feel up for light minding duties* on a short trip let me know!

*mostly carrying refreshments

Vingt-et-un

I give thanks for finally finishing up those pesky profiteroles last night. They've been lurking in my freezer for a few months as servings have to be small - not only is the alcoholic chocolate sauce rather bad for kidneys but also it's bad for clothing too as it leaps out of the bowl and thickly coats whatever you're wearing every single time you eat them. Very nice though!

After a bad attack of the zombies last night and this morning I give thanks I eventually got my proverbial out of bed and washed and dressed in time to go to the castle with Mima and spend our Travelzoo voucher on cut price entry. I give thanks it was a beautiful day for enjoying the grounds and the slightly pricey but very pleasant refreshments at the cafe, and for a friendly woman letting us share her table while she waited for her husband to go on one of the inside tours.

You couldn't go round unaccompanied so we went on one ourselves I was grateful it wasn't only me that found it tedious and slow (perhaps because they had recently made two tours out of one so the guides had extra waffling to do?) and that Mima was quite sure she didn't want to take the second one upstairs but preferred to explore the grounds as well. I give thanks we both enjoyed the petting zoo and children's adventure playground instead. We didn't pet any animals but, as no one was around, chatted to them and played as adventurously as we could on some of the equipment! Not this obviously - this is just a decorative daisy I loved.

I give thanks for managing to get some supplies from the Co op before collapsing back on the sofa this evening. Apart from the shopping I have done precisely nothing useful today and I give thanks for being fine with that...as long as I manage to get up again and cook something from the freezer all's pretty much OK with me!

Vingt

Oof, I give thanks for being back from my treatment! It wasn't particularly difficult in any way, in fact after a busy weekend I quite enjoyed just lounging around for a while but it's always much more pleasant to do this in one's own lounge of course...or bath...or bed! I give thanks for imagining all the stuff I thought I might do on my return as I lay back in the chair...and for abandoning all I planned except making my tea and reaching for the remote control. For not beating myself up about it.,,not beating yourself up about things is fab!

For the rather lovely pink sky and sea last night, and for the promise of warm sunshine though there's not been that much so far, in fact there's clearly been a shower here while I've been out and the clouds are thick and grey. For not needing to be anywhere until noon tomorrow and, as it's a somewhere where a nice day would be welcome, for a reasonable amount of optimism that this will transpire!

Dix-neuf

Although there are far fewer trees surrounding this flat compared to my last one, I give thanks there are enough to hear birdsong on a mild morning when I have the windows ajar. Not that I saw (or heard) a lot of the morning, as with nothing to get up for at all my inner alarm clock switched itself off and I slept in luxuriously late. I give thanks not getting up when I did wake up either but just lazing about a while..

Yesterday evening I had one of those rare and precious times of feeling well so was bustling about gratefully catching up with chores. One of them was changing the bedding and I gave a lot of thanks for the bliss of smooth clean sheets.

I give thanks after all the restful idleness at the start of the day I felt capable of more activity and got stuck into some decorating jobs. Last time I moved home I could put a coat of painr on all four walls of a medium size room in one go, whereas now it's just one small area at a time. I give thanks for persevering and for believing all those little patches will eventually join up. 

I give thanks for the watching the weather change - the ebb and flow of tourists, the colours of the sea. For resisting all  temptation to go outdoors and thus avoiding energy sapping activities like getting properly dressed, brushing my hair or going down and up the stairs. For getting inventive with odds and ends in freezer and fridge. Who would have thought cottage cheese and broccoli pie could be so tasty?

DIx-huit

Once more with filling...

Among the pleasures that have to be rationed nowadays due to the subsequent pain is...filling, as in pressing paste into crevices and cracks in walls. I don't know why, some get their kicks from champagne I hear...maybe it's a subconscious thing to do with filling voids? Anyway, obviously I'm very grateful to be (very) slo-mo decorating again so opportunities come up now and then for indulging myself with this treat. Also for so far being pretty good at stopping before major hand cramps ensue and there's only a little swelling at the base of my thumb. And for finding some heavy duty glass paper for a sander which is good even without one for removing the little blobs of plaster on the walls spattered from Artexing the ceiling I suppose.

Understandably, given my delicate state if I'm DIYing I'm not CIYing (cooking it myself) so I give thanks for convenience such as ready made coleslaw and hummus and mini-donuts. I kind of give thanks they didn't have the paint I wanted in the right size tin today too as there is plenty of paint still in the house waiting to be applied to various surfaces, to say nothing of other hand hampering activities demanding my attention and better left undone for a while.

I give thanks for finding a plug that works in my bathroom basin even with the broken integral pop up one in the way, and a plughole strainer for the bath that fits snuggly and doesn't let hair underneath like it's predecessor. Surprisingly satisfying but low cost home improvements...

I give thanks for a late lie in after nightmares waking me up in the night and a lovely leisurely afternoon bath with a book. For making myself chuckle on the bus instead of tuning in to the grumbles of others, realising that some chaps are afflicted with male pattern boldness as well as the other things. Women readers am sure will know the behaviour I mean...

Dix-sept

So, is it worth being on dialysis for the tea trolley that comes round about half way through? Well no, but I sure am grateful when it does, especially when they have shortbread biscuits and the tea is freshly brewed! I give thanks for the cheery person who served me and gentle folk putting the needles in and taking them out - some are rather heavy handed and I try not to flinch when I see them coming.

Gosh, what else? I give thanks for silent cab drivers so I could enjoy my thoughts and observations. For observing a buzzard almost concealed in the new leaves of a tall tree by the roadside. For some leftover homemade carrot and coriander soup when I got home as it's a murky and chilly evening. For a plan to have something a bit wicked for my 'proper' tea in a bit, ready made and full of tasty potassium!

I give thanks my worst toe nail has been particularly sore today to help me convince myself I've done the right thing booking surgery for that, and for Mima responding to my Facebook plea for someone to drive me home afterwards as although technically I could go on a bus you're supposed to keep off your feet as much as possible and wear open toed shoes to fit the big dressings in and I'd be terrified of someone banging into them or worse! I give thanks I also have my formal letter about the fistula operation the week before. It's local anaesthetic too so I can eat and drink beforehand and as I'm on dialysis I'm entitled to free transport to and fro which is a great help as it's on a Monday and I'll have to have my treatment beforehand which means I need to be there at silly o'clock. There's a nice cafe right by the unit there so I can stock up with goodies to keep me going through the long day, and Julie has said she'll come round in the evening and check I'm fit for purpose.

Seize

I am sixteen going on seventy! I'm sure I have readers who know what I mean...

Hmm, well now...what else can I say? Well, I'm grateful I don't usually hurt quite as much as I did last night because I could't really do anything except feel sorry for myself - not even watching TV and certainly not tackling the mound of washing up! I give thanks for some patches of sleep and in an awake one getting up for a cuppa and admiring the dawn sky. For eventually things easing off in the late afternoon - probably the prospect of future pain diverting my attention from the present helped!

I give thanks though I had to be at a different hospital about a different health matter today it wasn't til quite late in the afternoon so I could proceed at a leisurely pace - though to be honest no pace at all would have suited me best today. I had thought to take a scenic bus route but though my mind's eye could see it my body couldn't oblige by getting me moving early enough...so I give thanks for reminding myself pretty much all the bus services round here are scenic and if you're going to fall asleep (as I did - on the way there and almost on the way back too!) it doesn't matter much anyhow...

I give thanks for persuading the podiatrist I didn't need to be re-assessed and thus I didn't have to miss the bus back to town from the hospital, though I deliberately missed the first one back here as it was sounded by rowdy schoolkids and they really can blight what might otherwise be an enjoyable journey.

I give thanks for the NHS and the fact that this week they have booked two operations for me with not long to wait for either. The thought of either of them, let alone both, gives me the heebie jeebies, but I'm not doing it for the good of my health, you know. Oh wait...yes I am! I give thanks for resolving to try to focus out the other side of surgery and healing when I can appreciate the effects.

Quinze

Yay, I give thanks for actually managing to have a nap during treatment today. I needed to catch up on a few lost z's and it's as good a way of spending a rather boring time as any. I give thanks though I was aware of my snoring, it wasn't as loud as the chap opposite - that would have been embarrassing! I give thanks the snooze also meant I was a bit more awake than usual when I got home as it was a lovely evening. I wondered whether to stay out a while but I'd my rucksack full of kit and was desperate for a cuppa. Then I was grateful some post for the shop next door inside our building by mistake so I reckoned if I felt up to going back out when I got in I could deliver it...and the job needing doing might spur me on. I give thanks that it did, and I could go and spend a few minutes looking at the sea and a few more eating an ice cream on a sunny spot by the brook listening to the swans squeaking to each other.

I give thanks for how warm it was, that stiff breeze of the last few days has been great for making frothy breakers to watch, and even the occasional surfer, but it took the temperature too far down for me to enjoy. I give thanks I've leftovers for my tea as I'm quite exhausted now.

Quatorze

Mmm nice dinner last night, though I say it myself! I give thanks for my appetite and food to feed it, for the pleasure of Rachel's company, a very welcome acupuncture treatment and, of course, having all the pots washed while I lay still with the needles in...

I give thanks though pain woke me up in the night and blighted my morning I still managed to get some sleep and eventually to get dressed and out of the door. I've noticed lately that many people have 'indignant' as their default setting and that was me for the first part of the day regarding the state of my joints. 'I haven't done anything!' I was whining (internally) thinking about a mostly sedentary Monday, but then I remembered how busy I'd been at the weekend and, though obviously it didn't stop anything hurting, it felt more justified.

I give thanks that Jo found someone else to help her pass a long day home alone as I'd already arranged to meet Jenny who used to clean for me and who I haven't seen to talk to properly for a very long time. It was lovely to have a catch up, not least because she treated me to tea and delicious chocolate cake (oops!) at one of my favourite cafes. She was telling me she worked in a renal unit in the Philippines and they used to call kidney failure a wealthy person's disease as only the richest patients could afford dialysis. I give thanks for the blunt reminder of how fortunate I am despite my blighted health. In another time or place I would not have suffered so much - but only because I wouldn't have suffered so long,

I give thanks for the warm sunshine despite the bitter wind. For my sofa and a lot of recorded TV for a good long rest when I came home...Oh, and I'm still counting in French, and spelling it right too! How well did they drill that in at school eh?

Treize

I give thanks though my pre-treatment appointment was late I still got home earlier than usual today, and for an unusually comfortable shift  - apart from having to listen to patients grumbling about this and that. Poor souls! For the surgeon having a free day a month or so away for my op so I don't have to fret too long.

I give thanks for kind nurse Charlotte packing my rucksack for me while I went to the loo etc before going home as there was a very impatient taxi driver pacing the ward floor! For him being silent throughout the journey so I could enjoy looking through the windscreen and the thoughts inside my head. For the driver this morning being the nice to chat to autistic guy who takes me the scenic route. Either is fine by me...

I give thanks for remembering I needed to book a dental appointment at a time when the surgery was open. That's easier said than done... For being warm enough without thirty-seven layers of clothes. Oh my goodness I love that feeling!

Douze

Mmm...I give thanks for a proper job lie in today. Thought I would have one yesterday as I didn't have to go out until well into the afternoon but then there was a frantic email from the lady who manages the block needing a front door key to copy. Of course I was grateful to oblige as this is for the alarm company to come and assess the situation but it still required some attention and effort to arrange a handover.

I give thanks for...eventually...going out for a light breakfast as I'd promised myself I would. Quite a lot of things I'd promised myself (like a weekend away before the next round of operations and benefit cuts) are probably not going to happen now the DWP seems intent on penalising me for having extra money in my bank account to pay for the lease extension, and the lease extension taking so long. It seems a little unfair but so do most of the decisions those guys make and the chances are they'll be talking my bus pass away soon too so it's important to use it before I lose it. I give thanks for it being a very pleasant little outing despite considerable pain in various parts of my body and a slight ache in my bank account after accidentally coming home with a little Weird Fish dress as well. For it dawning on me there are such things as folding walking sticks. I think one of those would be very useful on particularly hobbly and wobbly days...

I give thanks for a long Roman lunch when I got home. Roman? Yeah, something that could be eaten lying down...and for watching last night's Britain's Got Talent. I've come back to this after many years' absence and have to say it's much improved both in regards of talent and behaviour of the judges! I particularly enjoy how they, and Ant and Dec, join in or try out some of the acts.

Oh and I forgot to say yesterday I was grateful on the way to the wedding to encounter two bickering couples. I really appreciated the reminder that happiness isn't always pair shaped! And for, after a struggle, getting studs through my almost closed up second earring holes. I may be an invisible wrinkly old lady now but these little signs of unconventionality still matter you know!

Onze

It's been a long time since I went to a wedding. I thought I might powder my nose as it was such a special day but making up is hard to do when you discover you've disposed of all your cosmetics. I give thanks nobody cared much including me! I give thanks I enjoyed dressing up a bit though and that my new clothes looked and felt nice - even the shoes, barring the pain from my deformed toenails and foot that swelled up with all the standing. I give thanks for some of the standing up being for joining in singing - always a joy. And for some of the sitting down being to listen while the daughter of the mutual friend who introduced the bride and groom sang At Last more soulfully and sweetly than I've ever heard anyone else do. I give thanks that Laura and Nick found love at last.

I give thanks for Phil the taxi man getting me to the church on time, and waiting when we got there to give me a free lift back in case I was at the wrong event as I couldn't recognise anyone even Laura's bridesmaid daughters as I'd not seen them for years and never looking quite as demure as that!

I give thanks though it was a sore walk back to the bus stop afterwards there were lots of sunny seats to rest on and the delight of being out of town in a pretty leafy village. For leftovers for my when I got home as both eating and resting were urgently required. For being on my own this evening to recharge my batteries. I seem to have been with a lot of people this week and that always runs them down...

Dix

I give thanks for being home...and for having finally finished another email about my messed up benefits and electricity bill. Someone else is supposed to be acting on my behalf now but I seem to be having difficulty explaining the situation clearly to them. Ah well, it's the weekend now. I give thanks I can be off duty for a bit.

I give thanks for surviving being sent to another unit again. This time it was the one I am supposed to be going to eventually and I'm pleased to report that yes, the staff were nicer there than at the other one. The patients seem about the same though! I give thanks there's internet access though no phone signal so I could immerse myself in American Gods which I must watch more of more quickly to complete before my Prime free trial runs out. Unfortunately the service was sub-prime for a day or so and wouldn't play content and then I had a problem with the speakers on my laptop (to say nothing of lots of other things to do) so not been keeping up!

I give thanks despite being cold and wet again this afternoon the weather reports for tomorrow are still for sunshine and warmth on Laura's wedding day. I reckon I've just enough spare time and energy to finish the cotton skirt I'm making but there's no chance of knitting a jumper!

Neuf

I give thanks for the fragrance of jasmine blossom in my living room, coming from a joss stick I lit a few days agao and which quickly went out but is doing its job anyway. For the lush blooms of lilac coming out now which I've only seen through glass and not been able to bury my nose in...

I give thanks for being buzzy and busy yesterday evening - an effect of my EPO shot I assume - as I got a few things done, though I wasn't quite so grateful when it kept me awake late into the night. Most of what I've been busy with is making a skirt from this pretty batik fabric. It's a very simple garment but has put up quite a considerable amount of resistance so I'm grateful I'm getting there. Even more so as, unlike any clothing I've acquired or altered for many a month, it's not for going to dialysis but for going to a wedding, or for a summer mini jaunt I have in mind so a symbol of hope and expectation as well as useful and comfortable thing to wear.

I give thanks for resting my hands and knees (for some reason I do a lot of dressmaking on the carpet!) by going on a bus to pick up some tester pots of paint and a few other odds and ends. I give thanks for feeling up to this on an in between school day - that's not happened for a while either! For even making it to the top deck to enjoy the wonderful views. What a beautiful county I live in - and what a convenient flat!

I give thanks for giving the Iceland near where I got off the bus the benefit of the doubt and finding they have a vegan and vegetarian section there and even pesto among the ketchup and stuff! It's not long ago I went to another one not far away and found none of that at all.

I give thanks for being philosophical on realising I'd left my phone behind on this outing. Who needs a phone anyway? Ah - me. I needed it for my Wilko order. I give thanks for the kind and helpful man searching for it in the store room by name instead.

I give thanks for the warmth of the sun and the freshness of the breeze. For easy peasy stuff for tea and I am now a mite fatigued.

Huit

I give thanks for a fab cab driver this morning. He took me a very scenic route and we were happily chatting away about all kinds of things of mutual interest before about half way through the journey he dropped into the conversation he was autistic and I had one of those light bulb moments. Of course he was easy to talk to - he was wired up differently too! We spent the last few miles of the journey  how fascinating (but odd) normal people are...It makes a huge difference to the enforced socialising of my dialysis days if the company is congenial so I was also grateful to have one of the nurses I get on with best putting me on and taking me off the machine...and then my favourite Romanian chauffeur drove me home so more comfortable communication swapping stories of places we have been and places we'd like to go. A very blessed day...

Men in uniforms really don't do it for me...unless they're white Officer and Gentleman style with lots of velcro on! Thus I give lots of thanks for an extra element to enjoy in this year's male Monty performance which is always funny and sad and moving and uplifting anyway. Listening to the 'ordinary' people telling their stories it suddenly made me realise I could do something like that too, only I don't, I tend to dismiss mine as history or make some joke about still being here. If you've not had the disease, even if a loved one has, or your work is related to its treatment, trust me you don't really know what a profound and lasting effect it can have on your psyche, let alone your battered body. Somehow you're never really quite the same again. I give thanks for this annual awareness raising campaign...for the refreshing alternative femininity of Martina Navratilova in amongst the women's group...oh and for discovering Alexander Armstrong can sing. I really had no idea!

I wonder how much farther I can go before I have to check the spelling of the post titles. Just a couple more days I reckon - I get French and Spanish teens easily muddled up.

Sept

I give thanks my stopped benefit money has finally been restarted! Of course it would be even nicer if they could backdate payment to when it was stopped in the first place but every little helps as they say and this is rather a lot every week coming back into my bank balance for now. I give thanks for raiding Waitrose to celebrate after a very pleasant cafe rendezvous with Jo and Jenny and Liz.. and for the energy to do these things.

I give thanks for a better day altogether starting with not waking at silly o'clock but early enough for a bit of a restful lie in before starting on some of the things I wanted to do, some of the things I needed to do and some restorative times of doing nothing in between. For giving into the urge I've been suppressing for three and a half months - to stick the point of a pair of scissors in a part of the living room wallpaper where it's not too well attached to the wall to see how easily it will come off. It's painted woodchip so I knew to expect a tough job ahead, especially as it's a large high ceilinged room, so I was delighted in that part at least it's actually coming off quite satisfyingly easily. Like other decorating jobs I can only do a little at a time, and some areas will be impossible for me to reach but it's very heartening to discover not all of it is beyond my capability.

I give thanks for running into Phil the cab man when I was mooching about my old haunts. It was on my to do list to call him today to see if he'd be working Saturday for a ride to the church and now I know he is and has pencilled me in so that's another job done. I give thanks for digging some leftovers out of the freezer for tea...it's good to be busy but I'm grateful I'm winding down now.

Six

I give thanks that I'm home as that turned out to be a rather tough day at the office! My blood pressure went right down again and this time actually made me sick...Not nice at all, but the staff were very kind and helpful. I give thanks though tired, I soon felt OK again afterwards. For trying to fill in a crossword with my left hand...and for leaving it and watching Aquarius on Netflix instead. Oh and for starting to watch American Gods on my accidental free Amazon Prime trial last night. The special effects on that are so good it has to be seen on a bigger screen.

I give thanks for an interesting sea view as I ate my porridge this morning. First of all the brightly coloured pleasure boat from across the bay went past, and then a fleet of six jet skis appeared around the headland and swooped towards the shore.

I give thanks I mostly made dinner for tonight before I went out this morning, and for vacuuming the living room floor so the room looks nice and I don't have to leave off appreciating it for long!

Cinq

I'm grateful for the stuff I've got done today, but the best bits were definitely the ones when I did very little at all! Reading a book in bed in the morning, and another in the bath in the afternoon along with a postprandial nap...

I give thanks for deciding yesterday evening that a ready made dinner, meaning only minimal food prep and washing up, should release energy for making headway with painting the last section of kitchen wall. Ah well, we all make mistakes, and even though I've been too exhausted and sore to do much more than finish what I started, clean up somewhat and put the furniture etc back in place, I really am grateful that job is now done. A week tomorrow I have an appointment that will likely result in another operation on my arm so it's important to do as much as I can before I lose the use of it again.

I give thanks for writing that and remembering a little craft project for a friend I was working on and got side-tracked from this week. For managing to do a little more before my hand began to seize up...And for then being grateful that instead of the Columbo I don't recall seeing (that failed to record well enough due to being on a channel for which the signal is still weak) I was watching one I've seen not so long ago and so didn't need to pay the screen so much attention.

I give thanks for looking at the clock and realising hey, it won't be all that long before I can be back in bed with a book!

Quatre

I give thanks for a patchwork sort of day. I don't mean I've been cutting and stitching scraps of cloth (that would have been nice!) but piecing together bits of pleasantness or productivity from the unpromising fabric of low mood, low energy, low finances (still not a p from the DWP) and lots of pain, fatigue and misery.

I give thanks for switching mortgage product to save myself a few quid a month - and for not having to speak to an advisor to do it as well. For finding my Actipatches and tubular bandages to hold them on my knees. For enjoying the warmth of the sunshine when I was out, and for the chill of the breeze ensuring the crowds were fairly thin.

I give thanks for thinking maybe I'd have a late afternoon al fresco ice cream or cuppa when I'd done some chores before I discovered how nippy it still was. For blowing the money I saved on a couple of Co-op ready meals instead as I was then too tired to cook tea. For being fully aware they are neither going to taste very good nor be very renally nutricious, and for not really caring much either way!

I give thanks for a BT muddle meaning I got to speak to lovely advisor to sort it out. When I complimented him on his Newcastle charm he described at some length how happily married he was and to what a splendid man! I give thanks some people find people who think they're just right. For the rainbows in the fountain spray...

Trois

I give thanks for being home on the sofa because after a bad night with pain I keep falling asleep today and the sofa is a better place to do this than in a taxi or on a busy hospital ward. I give thanks for a member of staff showing me my blood tesf results since I started treatment and assuring me all is fine and explaining, when I pointed out the decline in haemoglobin, that this was 'normal' on dialysis. Normal it may be, but nice it is not!

I give thanks for one of his colleagues explaining the extremely long drawn out and expensive process of booking a holiday away from base. I guess if I'm this tired I won't care anyway, but it was chastening to realise how hard it really would be on top of all the usual difficulties of not having a car or someone to relieve you of the burden of a single supplement. I give thanks for being forewarned though that it probably isn't going to happen...because I was beginning to think it would be nice to have something to look forward to. And for at least an intelligent conversation on the subject as the cab drivers weren't very satisfying in that regard... For the not very worthy pleasure of sniggering quietly at other exchanges overheard. Although the more or less permanent state of being indignant that seems to be the norm for so many people can be rather wearing when you have to respond, if you can just listen it can be wryly amusing.

I give thanks for easier escape via books and Netflix  offerings. For discovering Jane Austen took one of her holidays here. For a parcel from Ann with more reading material, a card and some toiletry treats.

Deux

I give thanks for a stay lady stay sort of day, once again not going anywhere. I had meant to go to gongs this evening but it was cancelled...and maybe do some local shopping in the morning but I was so slow to get moving there wasn't really enough time before Julie came to lay the the new-to-me rug for the French Quarter. I give thanks for her help and for how perfectly it fits the size of the space as well as the look and feel of it...

I give thanks for Kay's delicious vegan cakes, of which we shared a veritable feast and after which I had some more energy to do a bit more sorting out and finding homes for things. Nearly there with that part of moving in - mostly just need shelves to put things on, and possibly some hooks on the ceiling for hanging things though I'd need a giant to help me with that for sure! I give thanks in between feeling exhausted I have times of energy...and plenty of motivation for when they come around. For plenty of pleasant idle pursuits for when they don't...

I give thanks for a chap coming to replace the faulty window unit that was installed the other day. The downside of this being I now have to pay them and the DWP still haven't paid me the money they agree they will, let alone the amount they're still trying to wriggle out of! I give thanks I still have some savings to juggle around.

Un

Ouch! I give thanks for the bits of this that I caused myself through willful use of my muscles and joints. The bits that came with having to be on a horrid hospital bed for my treatment not so much... I couldn't so I give thanks for three hospital blankets though of course they're heavy cotton so you just become weighted down not cosy. A couple of members of staff were concerned I might be ill, or going down with something, as I looked pale, but I thought it was due to being in a draughty corner, in pain and with pale blue cloth wrapped around under my chin. They asked me some silly questions like 'Are you eating and drinking?' and took a blood test to see who was right, so I give thanks in anticipation of maybe some more intravenous iron which usually bucks me up a little

I give thanks for new things to try for lunch (see above). From the Tesco delivery yesterday I had Quorn 'chicken slices' for my sarnies, and mini sour cream and chive rice cakes on the side. The former was as you'd expect - quite pleasant and very practical... and the latter a most acceptable alternative to similarly flavoured potato crispy things. I've only ever had the little packs of caramel ones before - which are yummy but good to have a savoury sort too.

I give thanks for more practice at patience and tolerance dealing with taxi drivers, and a few folk on the ward. Some days I really am not in the mood for humans - and an extra eighteen hours or so a week in close proximity to them is taking quite a bit of adaptation and adjustment. I give thanks for a so far good French crime drama on Netflix to retreat into as far as possible in a bright busy and noisy environment.

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