Envious

I give thanks the upside of not being able to eat is you don't have to do any cooking either! For nonetheless achieving my goal today of making a fraction of a pint of delicious vegan jelly...served with equally lush vegan double cream. Of course it didn't stay down but I've given up worrying about that - a bit of pleasure the first time round is worth it!

For the prescriptions Jane the palliative care nurse ordered to ease some symptoms finally appearing my doctor's surgery list and so, hopefully in the pharmacy pipeline now. One of them should cure the superficial but still uncomfortable candida in oesophagus making swallowing even harder. That would be wonderful as life has provided a, lot of lemons lately and I've been craving lemonade... in tiny quantities of course. 

For a snoozy day on the sofa, enjoying the vicarious pleasure of watching couples winning competitions, creating family homes from fixer uppers, or choosing holiday retreats in the sun. I don't envy them and love to imagine their pleasure. ..but when I see someone with a mug of tea, a whole mug of tea to guzzle down, goodness I wish that could be me! 

Wilful

 Where there's a way there's a will. I give thanks for managing to grovel on my hands and knees to retrieve the plastic envelope that had fallen down behind the desk wilfully concealing this important document!

For a very helpful and reassuring lady from the hospice visiting to talk about my present and my future 

For that fabulous wolf moon a couple of nights ago.

For Jude's ice cream and dessert sauces, which have already been a source of delight, and now their fruit and veg rocket lollies my latest craze for (almost) eating. They probably come back up too soon to provide any nutritional benefit but I give thanks for enjoying the delicious flavour on the way down

For naps. I've needed a few today. For heaters and hot water bottles. Bit nippy round here right now, especially noticeable for those seriously lacking personal insulation... 

Past

 Every time I'm in my bathroom being sick I give thanks for the lack of flimsy walls and flooring between me and the other flats. I once lived just plasterboard away from a man who seemed to have bulimia. Wouldn't recommend it!

For a few small jobs done and lots of snoozing this morning, and for Julie's kind and thoughtful help this afternoon with all manner of little chores. For her very uccessful raid on the Co op hunting and gathering for my passing, often pointless, nutritional whims.

I give thanks for thinking maybe some boiled sweets other than Werther's might be of use now eating is so difficult, and finding the local sweet shop here has an amazing selection of trips down taste bud memory lane onFoffer. For Digging For Britain unearthing the more distant past. I love that fascinating programme! 

Alternate

I give thanks I don't feel I have to write my blog every day these days when I'm so tired. I give thanks that I'm still grateful as much as can be though!

For when people help me... And for when I help myself

For a visit from. Laura who I've not seen for  very long time. 

For winter sunshine and the pretty skies as the sun sets. For taking a sit down shower on my bath seat (what a wonderful invention) and for Julie being on hand on the next room in case I needed assistance or rescuing). For not needing any of the above apart from the fetching of a clean nightie. 

For the thump and clang of the heavy plant working on the sea wall destruction/reconstruction. 

Special

 I give thanks for my kind and helpful friends popping in and out to do little jobs that seem huge to me at the moment . Today Mima took away stuff from the freezer I'm not going to eat and made me some egg mayonnaise which I hope I will later

For Peter carrying the bag I take to dialysis to his taxi yesterday and even more so heaving it up the stairs after treatment when it was stuffed with Fortisip from the dietician and pineapple chunks from thoughtful nurse Charlotte. He wheeled me to and fro from car to dialysis waiting room in a wheelchair too which was very welcome as distances seem to have stretched somewhat as well. For Keith collecting my clicked Sainsbury's order and bringing it to flat door For managing to do a few little tasks myself, and for feeling so proud when I do For plenty of snoozing in between, plus catching up with Christmas cooking and sewing specials. For dapper Patrick immaculate in his kilt, and then bopping dressed as a bottle! For catching sight of some pretty sunset clouds. 

Secure

I give thanks that doing a bit and then not doing a lot has got me through the day. For making it to the sofa to watch some TV. For a bath when Julie was here and it felt a safe time to do it. For the warming, soothing water. For Clive fitting the key safe he bought for me yesterday. For the days getting noticeably longer

Valuable

 I give thanks for being home, hard work though it is doing anything other than lying still. For practical assistance from Peter, Julie and Clive last night and from Rachel and Clive today. I've had hot water bottles filled (a surprisingly strenuous task when you're feeble), scrambled eggs made and my hair washed as well as an acupuncture treatment, some work on the new kitchen and lots of encouragement, comfort and general nurturing. I give thanks for the very pleasant feeling of being valued and cared for. 

I 've been giving thanks for my bed and my sofa - well you knew I would didn't you? Not made it to the bath yet...but even my own loo to be sick in is a blessing. For the peacefulness of a wet and dreary winter's day and a no longer broken manhole cover rattling and banging in the road outside. For a coat I bought from a closing down market stall a few years back which was sadly just too big for me happily fitting  Rachel just right. We were both delighted!