Hard feelings

Hmmm... Well... I give thanks I didn't have to get up for anything this morning as the pain that woke me up several times in the night was still paining away when I woke up for the day. I give thanks I know I've only myself to blame after flagrantly and without due care and attention cleaning the kitchen sink, taking a few snaps and knitting part of a stuffed bunny's pinafore yesterday. I'm not sure when these activities became extreme sports but friends, if you like any form of activity more energetic than blinking, and flagrantly fight back from terminal cancer to be considered 'worth' the surgery which precipitates fibromyalgia you might want to consider extreme sports without any care and attention to little details like parachutes, safety harnesses and brakes...or taking NSAIDs if you've broken kidneys. I give thanks I gave mine away to protect myself from temptation.

I'm sorry... this doesn't sound much like grateful does it? Sometimes it's hard to find that feeling though, as I'm sure you know.

Although it would hurt less if I did less I give thanks I can't do nothing, partly simply because things have to be done and partly because the distraction of doing things does help. I give thanks I don't have much in the way of comfort or assistance from others because I think I could easily get very comfortable with that.

I give thanks for deciding to sort out a load of old paperwork - useful, quite gentle on joints and muscles and tendons, cathartic to some degree and also poignant looking at letters and forms charting my change from a woman with a future to one with a past. I give thanks for paper hankies and no one around to tell me to pull myself together or offer platitudes.

I give thanks for the little miracle that is a Tesco grocery delivery and for managing to get dressed before it. I give thanks for a mostly murky day...not too much of 'the sea witch waves at me, flashing her diamonds and lace' (it's a poem, and I wrote it so you might not realise...)

I give thanks for a quiet bit when all the noisy neighbours were out and starting to write another which begins...

Lest we regret
Unbearably
The unforgotten wounds...

Bundle of chuckles me today, eh? I'll leave you in peace and listen to the unquiet ones. I wonder if it's too soon to open the whisky? I mean I've had it a few hours more than a week...