Pain attention

I don't pay pain a lot of attention apart from in a vaguely Vipassana kind of way, mindful and meditative, or with a detached anthropological interest as to how we deal with it in our largely comfortably numb modern Western society. There are people who seem to find their maladies and malfunctions quite fascinating but I give thanks I try to maintain my original attitude that they may have my body but they shall not have my mind! Mind you, when I was originally told I had cancer, I thought I'd either beat it or die, not be beaten up by its repercussions day after day for years to come...It's not easy, but my adversaries have become old (no, not friends!) sparring partners so I'm used to where their blows will fall and can often manage a workaround, hey sometimes even a playaround!

Recently there's been some new discomfort going on, which I decided wasn't life threatening so just to try to ignore and to hope it would go away...so I might have been grateful that the original sensations did, only they were replaced by others so sensationally unignorable they demanded full and instant attention at times, like a bout of cramp might do, only no position would instantly make the pain go away. It demanded so much attention I remembered it had a name, though I've never had it before so how I know it I don't know....and though I don't wish to discuss it or dwell on it any further (other than to find more practical workarounds than gripping my door keys against my palm for distraction) I will share with you, since you've come this far in the saga, that this is the abomination known as sciatica. On the whole I would say avoid it if you can, but if you have any tendency to be grieving over the past or fretting over the future as I have been of late it will focus your mind in the here and now most effectively. And if your here and now has been causing you some distress and anguish as mine has also been...all the things that have been distressing and anguishing you will seem lesser evils than before. I think I should give thanks for these mercies...I give thanks I'm trying any how...

I give thanks my strawberry pudding was delightful, and that some of it still will be for tea today! For inroads into the currently very challenging task of digging out warmer clothes from their stash under the stairs behind all the things I stashed in front of them until they were required. This has to be done before my operation as the physicality will be forbidden for a while afterwards and I will feel the chill as I recuperate I'm sure, but trying to do it hopping is mad...

I give thanks for some leftover tuna and ready made coleslaw to put together a sandwich for lunch, and finally managing to hobble down the road to eat it. For remembering to pay attention to other things...like this classical moment beside me...