Don't worry be happy

I've not really done anything much today except eat, sleep, watch TV and read...and I give thanks for that! It's been grey and chilly here so just right for some much needed rest and recuperation. Particular thanks for the times when all the neighbours have been out or doing silent stuff...those are always especially restful.

I give thanks my right arm doesn't really hurt much at all...unless I fold it up or straighten it out. With my left side as it usually is (willing but not very able) the eating part is thus a kind of slapstick comedy but hey ho, I can more or less wash my face, and there's mouthwash to make up for very ineffectual teeth cleaning.

I give thanks for the bingeing gently on the excellent Danish TV series Below the Surface two episodes of which mysteriously failed to record properly last week and, even more mysteriously seem to be scheduled again tonight! For the also enthralling book The Secret Life of Bees, passed on to me by Ann some time ago and saved for post op reading as it's small and light to hold.

I give thanks my fistula is still giving me a thrill! It's like a little motor running...or a tiny happy cat living in my arm.

Friday I'm in love

There's a theory the music you love the most will be what you listened to in your early teens. I have my own theories as to why this might be, but if a tune truly gets under the skin of your ears age is immaterial. It was Telstar when I was four, and Friday I'm in Love when I was thirty four and I only have to think of the latter and I smile. Thank you Robert & Co!

As for hospital, I'd not forgotten the beds I find so uncomfortable, the food I find so unappealing, the noise and light and smells and people and attitudes I find so hard to be around (and not to sound off about!)...but I had forgotten how wonderful it is to have someone else bring you a cup of tea and a slice of toast in the morning, to whisk away the accoutrements of the urologically challenged, and while you relax and enjoy,  to generally run the world for a bit! It is extremely pleasant for a change but I do give thanks I don't really need this physically, nor psychologically...

There were patients around me talking about how much they enjoy the social life of the ward compared to their solitary existence...one poor soul with a terrible cough saying 'If I gave up smoking what would I have?' Sure I get a little lonesome sometimes, and yes it would have been nice to have had a life with a lot more love and good fortune, but I give thanks for the reminder how blessed I have been not to have felt the need to make a friend out of ill health nor to consider it an interesting personal feature, to have a mind that can occupy itself (and hands when they are working too!)

I give thanks to Laura for bringing me home, setting me up with some open cans and sachets and settling me down with a hot water bottle. My TV box failed to record several things I'd looked forward to catching up with apart from the breast cancer awareness Full Monty Ladies Night, with Ashley Banjo showing some remarkable ladies how to find and celebrate their own unique beauty, bravery and loveableness. They'd all 'been through so much' as the saying goes, and it dawned on me I have too... and some more... and I am! Though I've failed to succeed at a whole host of stuff we're brought up to believe you should, I am actually pretty damn awesome in several ways of my own!

I give thanks for a long nap...and yes, I'm still buzzing ;-)

After the thrill is gone

Well now, while I'm  hanging around with two working arms I might as well start on today's blog post.

I give thanks for some fragments of sleep during the short night... For getting so wet on the way to the bus and so cold on it I was almost pleased to be here (at first)...

And later...

I give thanks for the theatre staff being kind, helpful... and capable of intelligent conversation! For giving it a go without the full arm block. For myself for putting up with the various discomforts and fears...and at the end hearing them say it had worked with more confidence than I'd heard before.

And later still... Feeling the thrill (as they call the vibration of the two way bloodstream for myself. It made me cry... But in a very good way!

I'm now on an inpatient ward though I feel
I don't completely need to be...gasping for a cuppa (yes I have asked) listening to ladies swapping amputation horror stories.  I'm still grateful of  course... Our health service is wonderful but right now if I can't be home looking after myself I need to be served!

And later..

I give thanks someone finally brought me a jug of water. And some sort of food. They didn't have any renal diet meals spare so I had to have some other less kidney friendly mush. It all tastes of nothing but I was hungry enough to gratefully wolf it down... I'd go to the shop or cafe but I might miss a round of tea!  I'm sure I can hear cups rattling...

Material girl

I give thanks for the pretty light at the end of the day, almost like a summer's evening.

I give thanks for learning a new trick - if you have leftover cooked vegetables, a few chunks of frozen fish and some sort of curry paste you can make a spicy fish 'stew' in about 10 mins. Very nice too!

I give thanks for playing about with my cut out squares and ideas for a slight pattern. Originally I'd thought I'd like a random arrangement but now I've decided to do simple blocks centred round the fabric with a white background. Exact colourways and placing yet to emerge...but I had the pieces lying on the bed for a while yesterday, and every time I went in there I thought 'Ooh, that looks nice!', which is handy as its meant to end up a bed cover, though not a quilt.

I give thanks for less aches and pains today, thus being better able to hobble about in and out getting things done. For the blue of the sea and sky (some of the time) and sitting still with a cup of tea to enjoy it.  For spotting a man and his dog in a doorway for a rather long time and remembering to be grateful for the home I have despite its drawbacks and imperfections. For being very hungry, as this means I can eat lots and maybe not mind (so much) being half starved tomorrow. I give thanks for having plenty to eat...

I give thanks for all the good news I see on Facebook. Of course there's always the grumblers and the woe is me stuff, but I love to hear about people's happinesses - their holidays and home improvements, gardens growing and good things going on with grandchildren and pets and partners. I like to think I'm quite good at empathy, or at least imagining myself in another's situation, so when I read about stuff I would enjoy having or doing I can in a way in my head...

Wake up little Susie

Ha ha! I woke up and thought 'Oh, no! I went back to sleep... I have stuff to do today... What time is it?'  And then it dawned on me it was yesterday evening and yes, I had gone back to sleep but only after doing the stuff I was meant to! I give thanks for extra rest after some accomplishment...

Mostly when I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is groan as some part of my body is hurting...and the second is sigh as many parts of my life are causing me emotional pain. Today I had a serious motivation crisis to overcome too so I give thanks for finally achieving that and attending to that which had to be done. For starting on the pre-surgery spruce up of the premises - scrubbing, polishing, vacuuming and so on, dealing with some life admin and, far more pleasant than all of the above, finding a bit of space for a bit of creative endeavour. For feeling fit enough to fit in my Shiatsu.

I give thanks for a well timed thank you message when I was feeling blue. For the Come Dine With Me commentator making me chuckle. And also, as I don't move in those kind of circles or look in those sort of magazines, for the opportunity to see what a face my age 'with work done' looks like. Fast becoming increasingly horribly haggard and hag like I can understand why one would prefer to avoid such fate, but though certainly not haggard, the effects of fillers, botox etc doen't come across as quite human to me. I give thanks there are some things in life it is a blessing to be too poor for...

And for any pedants out there wondering who Susie might be... Probably distant relative I don't realise I have. A second and a half cousin (or something like that!) and I were surprised to discover earlier we hadn't even grasped each others complicated sibling arrangements...

All things must pass

I give thanks for a bit of sunshine on my face, and no icy blast blowing my ears off! If I had a little outside space I'd have sat in it, but as I don't, I give thanks for eventually overcoming aches, pains, a dark old mood and a great reluctance to leave an unusually peaceful and pleasant time here, making it down the hill before the cloud cover fully took over.

I give thanks for meeting several people to stop and chat to a while and, hopefully, managing to do this acceptably...When everything is seeming hard it can be a challenge to make the right social noises as required. Well, for some of us it's always a challenge I guess...some days we just 'pass' better than others.

I give thanks for getting home in time for my Tesco delivery even though it turned up early. For my shelves being full of things I'm allowed to eat and might want to over the next week or two...I give thanks I'm getting better at buying chocolate treats for other people to consume without being consumed with envy myself! For believing I might just get the hang of doing without other sources of pleasure with better grace as more time without them passes...

In the midnight hour

Went to bed early so I didn't miss the extra hour. I was grateful for not falling asleep quickly though as the day had one more little difficulty to present for which consciousness was preferable!

I give thanks for the intermittent sunshine today and that it's been a couple of degrees warmer. For trying to think of a song title with 'hour' in ans remembering some of the many times I've danced to many versions of the song above...

I give thanks for Mima taking me out for a scenic drive this afternoon. We were on a quest for pre birthday cake and tea for her, but the first place we went was way too full of people...and the second pretty much deserted apart from a nice man also on an unsuccessful mission for refreshment. One has to give thanks for Costa sometimes...

I give thanks for seeing lots of active interactive families at play, and hearing of another couple getting engaged. Isn't splendid that some folk seem to be able to get life right?

For those who don't isn't splendid when they find solace in creativity rather than excessive use of things that probably do them more harm than the good they seem to? I give thanks for cutting out a pile of squares for patchwork. I didn't have quite enough of one fabric, crucial to the design...and no longer obtainable. But I have just enough to piece together a final square from scraps. Well, it is patchwork after all...

In a broken dream

Well now, let me see... I was grateful a few times in the night, waking up and finding I wasn't bare foot in a hospital gown running through a bustling market trying to find a place to have a shower, or about to be verbally abused for failing to produce a perfect giant ciabatta on Masterchef and so on...

I was grateful when I didn't have to get up early and could laze late in a long hot bath with a book.

I was grateful, when I had some bad news, that I'm good at bad news, disappointments, let downs, and the like. I give thanks for the bits when I think 'Hey, this looks good... maybe it's going to turn out all right!', for being optimistic and open to happy outcomes. For knowing, however, however differently things actually go, somehow, someway, by the skin of my teeth, I'll eventually manage to find a way to manage.

I give thanks for Laura and Nick coming round bringing doughnuts to go with a cuppa and tartiflette to freeze. For the opportunity to have a bit of a grumble at cruel twists of fate, as well as a chuckle or two. For curling up on the sofa afterwards with a hot water bottle and a quilt and thinking 'Never mind...nothing really matters ever anyway'

Memories are made of this

Oh gosh, I don't know. Not been over endowed in the gratitude department today... But it's when it's hard it's of most benefit to try...so I give thanks for realising that.

I've been tired so I give thanks for a nap on the sofa...

I give thanks for getting some town chores done, including picking up a splendid parcel of books passed on by Ann.

I give thanks for making it back home before the rain had properly started.

I give thanks for all the photos I've taken over the years. Looking through the ones I still have last night contributed to my pensive mood I'm sure -  remembering faces, places and occasions that seemed so important at the time, all the previous versions of me there have been. I give thanks for consigning some of them to the bin so they can't catch me out again!

Things can only get better

I give thanks for a very therapeutic visit from Rachel, catching up with snow stories, home spun philosophy and knitting patterns, eating lots of comfort food and (for me) some very welcome acupuncture with special attention to my knees, which have been a lot less sore today.

I give thanks for dreaming I was in Shetland. I would dearly love to be there ine day... But in the meantime I thoroughly enjoyed thinking that I was.

I give thanks for getting going earlier than I wanted to be, to be ready to meet the courier on the doorstep with my supplies...and for my confirmation letter re next week being there too. They have altered the pre-op instructions on this one to something far more reasonable given the anaesthetic I might have. I'd been rather aggrieved to hear originally they expected me to be virtually nil by mouth from midnight when it was only my arm that was going to sleep...the following afternoon! Now I can have tea and toast before 7. Much better!

I give thanks for declaring today a day of rest and doing lots of delicious dossing around. We all live in a world of uncertainty. Things can only change, whether we perceive the changes as for the better or not...let alone the waiting to find out what the changes will be, or the surprise when we discover a change when we'd allowed ourselves to believe some situation would stay the same. It keeps you on your toes but that can get a bit wearying sometimes, and it's can be good to retreat and regroup awhile...

I give thanks that this time last week I was on my way to spring...

Money for nothing

Spurred on by news of more coin changes I give thanks for emptying my spare change stash and counting out just over £10! For this, and the sunshine, finally coaxing me out to the bank, when I'd limbered up after lunchtime.

There isn't a branch of my bank in town so I give thanks for pretty journeys on public transport. It's amazing how much snow there still is here and there, and I particularly love the white stripes along the hedgerows trimming the fields. They seem very festive somehow, like streamers or bunting,  or sometimes in a group of strange angled lines, like ancient chalk figures on the hillsides.

I give thanks for turning my spare cash (and a freshly changed old ten pound note I discovered the other day)  into some Body Shop shampoo I like that they've discontinued, some fabric for my patchwork and some water filter cartridges...and felt very pleased with myself, albeit very tired.

I give thanks for making it home in time for a curl up with a cup of tea and a hot water bottle and some on line catching up. For something very easy mostly organised to make for tea, and that Rachel is coming to share it and give me some acupuncture afterwards. After that, rather a lot of nothing at all is planned...

Mad world

Tell you what I want, what I really really want... My back and knees to stop hurting! I give thanks my joints have been very kind for a considerable length of time and for understanding this contributes to it seeming a terrible trial now they're giving me trouble again - I'm simply out of practice! I give thanks for arnica gel, Actipatches and paracetamol...they help a little and every little helps!

I give thanks for my friends who offer to go the extra mile(s) to deliver me to the hospital and back* For their patience and forbearance when the dates keep being rearranged. Today I had a fairly intelligible call to say my operation had been cancelled for Thursday and they'd let me know when it could be rescheduled again....Also that yes, I had been down for an appointment on Monday that was cancelled but that yes, that had been superfluous and that would not be! I give thanks for my forbearance too... The member of staff who is leaving these difficult to interpret messages has pretty much lost her voice and can only talk in croaks and squeaks at the moment so I give thanks she hit upon the plan of texting later with a new date.

I give thanks for finally getting through to the Tesco helpdesk, which has understandably been rather busy of late. I wanted to report a faulty food item, but my request got lost in translation at first as the lady on the end of the phone heard the 'microwave' in microwave rice and wanted me to call Tesco Direct as she only dealt with groceries not appliances. I did lose a bit of forbearance then I must admit...

I give thanks for the sunshine melting the snow enough to go out and get some bits and bobs...after spending some considerable time working out the least knee aggravating route. Even if I get buses or cabs there are the still the bits between to be considered where it's a bit like fox and geese river crossing puzzles trying to find the way to carry the least weight the shortest distance. Sometimes two trips are better than one. Sometimes it's double the trouble! For much laughter with the ladies at the library and the use of the loo and computers there to free up some internet megs at home for catching up with the programmes my TV box failed to record (and getting a free sit down too!)

I give thanks the shops and their customers seem to have managed this last ice age a whole lot better than last time so that I was able to buy everything I wanted and more...For a cab soon available from Waitrose to carry me and my swag swiftly up the hill...

*And the one who sends me books too!

All right now

Like most folk, I suspect, most of my plans for today were scuppered...I give thanks most of them were of no consequence to anyone but myself!

I give thanks for a long lie in while I waited for my aches to subside and tried to work out what could be salvaged from the schedule - as far as I know I'm still booked in for surgery on Thursday so there was plenty I wanted to get done before I can't for a while. When I finally hit the kitchen for a cuppa there was a rather garbled message telling me my appointment at clinic was cancelled today... Which was a great relief as I didn't know I had one! The number was withheld and with there being no letter I didn't know who to ring and say 'Que?' but it sounded like maybe a follow up for my op in January which seems a bit of a wires crossed waste of time anyway and which I would have politely declined if I'd had a chance to...

I give thanks a lot of the snow has melted, delightfully pretty though it was. I wondered about braving the great outdoors but it would have been frustrating if I made it to places and they were shut. I give thanks that nothing was urgently required, including answers to some questions. For the practice in patience and letting go of needing to 'know'...I always require more of those!

It's still too treacherous for driving after dark thus no acupuncture again, so I give thanks for feeling well... And, as I ate an enormous and very late lunch, that I don't have to think about dinner...

Um... I give thanks for Tesco bake your own olive bread. You just splash some water on the top, bung it in the oven for a few mins... and try not to scoff the lot! Now I've thought of it I might have to scoff some more...

I wish it could be Christmas every day

OK, I don't really because Christmas isn't usually much fun for me...but being cosy inside watching the mesmerising snowfall feels rather enjoyably festive! I give thanks I've not had to go out...

I give thanks for my new heater. My new heater is the biz! It is better than the heater that broke and I have been warmer than I have ever been here in wintry weather. It is SO much nicer than being cold! I had no idea what I was missing!

I give thanks for a new pack of my favourite sort of dried cranberries, and adding them to my morning porridge. I give thanks for thinking of Pat whenever I concoct some hot oaty delight. She used to ask where I got whatever flavour I was raving about...and I was always puzzled because you get porridge from the kitchen don't you?

I give thanks for thinking I'd like some granola for a change and hunting for a recipe I'd seen that wasn't full of fruit and nuts and unsuitable for my diet. I don't have a culinary library - how could it be so hard to find? Then it turned up...in my renal cookbook!  I made some straight away...and just about managed to avoid eating it all straight away by hastily whipping up some pancakes.

I give thanks for my ravenous appetite. I need to catch up after being away when I was very good, avoiding lots of tempting but unwise dishes so not eating much at all. Well, that's my excuse anyway! I give thanks for remembering Anu (a dialysis nurse) assuring me, when I was first struggling with the regime, that kidney patients soon stop enjoying their food and lose their appetite. Not this one mate...what can I have for tea?

Desire

I give thanks my kidney problem doesn't stop me travelling about, despite the doctors' dire warnings. Fibromyalgia, on the other hand, would rather I stay still. If you'd seen me in the afternoon you might have thought there was nothing wrong with me... If  you'd seen me a few hours later you might have called an ambulance! So much pain in so many places! This has been my first experience of a budget chain hotel as well, and I give thanks I now know nights in white polyester (or whatever they make their bedding out of) really don't help a bit. Great showers though...and I would have given thanks for a lunchtime check out time if lounging around til lunchtime had been a good idea with the weather to out run.

So today a lack of sleep, an excess of soreness, the biting cold and the delays and dismays of a convoluted rail journey didn't make for a lot of gratitude. In fact I could have wept with frustration when I found myself in a carriage full of seats taken up with coats, luggage, lunches, papers etc and had to ask several times if a place was free before anyone would admit it was and make room. Of course I fully understand the desire to travel in relative comfort, space and solitude and that my lack of desirability as a close companion can work in my favour too when there's room beside me and I politely move my bag out of the way but others scuttle by. This particular train also had the surliest and most unwilling tea trolley staff I've ever encountered so I did give thanks when I finally managed to wrestle refreshment out of one.

I give thanks for all the different sorts of snow I've seen from indoors. My favourite was the one that wasn't falling, or lying on the ground, but adhering one one side of some tree trunks and branches just as if decorated from a spray can.

Feeling more and more glum the nearer I drew to home and all the gloominess of various prospects waiting, I heard my mother's unloving voice in my head telling me I only had myself to blame. But then I realised I had myself to be grateful to too...who else would have gone to so much trouble to bring me a little joy?

Take it to the limit

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me...it took a while but I finally found my mojo and a cunning plan...I give thanks for that, oh and a day of spring beauty between the beasts!

Since going abroad has been banned, and since some of the loveliest parts of our isles are so hard to reach without a car, I was struggling to think of where to go that would be a bit memorable and different but not an awful lot of hassle for a lone and not very nimble traveller. Until I decided to think outside the box... And the United Kingdom! No passports required and back in time for supper...and I won't tell if you don't.

I know this is not in the spirit of the medical advice given, but no harm done...none of the what ifs happened, and I wasn't the passenger in need of a doctor or nurse on the call over the tannoy...

I give thanks for the sun shining brighter, the sky being bluer and the birds in the park singing more loudly too. The combination of tbese meant I didn't do most of the things I meant to do but just wandered about taking it in. All the more to enjoy next time eh?

I give thanks for spotting a funny moment I wish I'd caught on film. There was some incident in a narrow main street that required two fire trucks and police cars blocking the road. Pedestrians were milling about but I couldn't see anything obvious wrong and wandered off in another direction. Later I went that way again and they were packing up. A young woman in a pretty jumper and skirt just above the knee was talking and filming with a camera on a stand, for local news perhaps. Behind her a chap started winding up a length of police tape. He gave it a mighty tug so that it shot past the reporter lady taking the hem of her skirt up with it!

I'm free

Well, you know, not really really free... But I'm away from home, and no one who knows me knows where and that feels pretty damn free to me! I can hardly remember the last time I wandered off on my own, and really can't recall the last time it was to somewhere I've not been before so, because my adventurous spirit has been so thwarted in recent years, every little cell is grateful! It's
almost impossible to tell you how much...you have to be someone who needs to travel and mostly can't any more to understand, and I wouldn't wish that situation on any other.

I give thanks for waking up early enough despite being on bucket duty til well after bedtime last night. And I give thanks for finally getting to my room with a bit of a view at the expected time despite trains cancelled due to floods, trains over crowded due to other ones being cancelled, and trains having to go slow and or stop due to signal problems. I can't go far for lots of reasons...but there's nothing like a bundle of travel hiccups for making you feel like you're on some epic trek...And I give thanks for thinking of something I could do that seemed worth the effort involved.

I give thanks there's an Asda nearby with free wifi...and for managing to find a few bits to munch in my room for my tea...

Always on my mind

I give thanks for deep sleep and deep dreams too. In one I was technically in hospital but actually out in the carpark in my nightie sorting through a pile of rubbish to see what could go in the recycling bins. Not so very different from real life that one I guess... In the other a god had come to earth for a short relaxing break, but humans had discovered their whereabouts and kept pestering them for minor interventions with problems paying bills, getting Kaiser Chiefs tickets and so on. The poor god was getting rather distraught so I offered to take over performing small miracles so they could enjoy the rest of their holiday! This is must be one of my all time favourite stories from my subconscious....

I give thanks for going out yesterday, as it's been wet and windy all day here. For a very slow paced day as promised, at times maybe a bit too slow as at others there's been a sense of struggling to catch up, and of trying to remind myself it really doesn't matter.

I've not felt like chatter today, so I give thanks no one's wanted to talk to me. For quietly processing some sadness to do with things I've seen and read and thought... For a hot water bottle tucked in just where my back is sore.

On a lighter note, I give thanks for all I've created with knitting needles over the years...including, earlier today...a bathroom sink that drains the water away again!

Feeling hot hot hot

No, I haven't got the flu...my new heater has come! I can't actually try it out for a few mins yet as the oil has to settle after turning it upside down to put the wheels on, but I'm grateful it looks the part. And yes...this post could have been called Wheels on Fire but I do like my apostrophes you know... I give thanks there's another cold spell coming to make it money we'll spent. I love these warmer days but winter's not given up on us yet I think...

I give thanks coincidentally Laura came by today and was able to take the borrowed one away. She also brought a pretty bunch of daffodils, an offer of help with hospital transport...and the news she is getting married! I give great thanks for her happiness and good fortune in finding such a lovely chap as he seems to be...

I give thanks for managing to get the important stuff done despite being very tired today. I'd planned a mostly rest day but it wasn't meant to be, and with all the bustling about I decided I might as well go out in the spring sunshine and get the jobs done in town I had intended to do tomorrow... and do some resting then instead. I give for starting already with a long flop on the sofa... Leftovers and toast for tea for me I think when I can be bothered to move.

Just another day

I give thanks for another lazy morning. A lot of the time ill health is a strenuous battle with symptoms and their repercussions and restructions, procedures, appointments, pain and stress and waiting, and chasing prescriptions around...but sometimes you get a few hours off to read a book!

I give thanks for dragging my reluctance out later, not least because I had a Body Shop birthday voucher about to expire and I'd
run out of shampoo...plus, as per above, there's always meds to pick up.

I give thanks for the brisk wind blowing gaps in the cloud along so spotlights of sunshine sped across the land and water. For a sinuous train, snaking along a curvy bit of track. For remembering my Buddhist chants and a squirt of perfume on my scarf as a bus ride may be a feast for the eyes but the ears and nose can suffer quite an assault!

For dropping a five pound note and managing to catch up and step on it as it skittered off down the pavement.

For Cauldron bangers and mash for tea, an almost sunset tinting the edge of dark grey clouds with peach... and a bit of clear blue sky in between.

Easy like Sunday morning

I give thanks for a wonderful dream I was so pre-occupied wandering about on various adventures I completely forgot to write my blog! Meanwhile, back in the real world...

I give thanks I made some supper in the end. After getting out of the bath I was like 'No, I canNOT move...' but I was also a little peckish, so with much whimpering and the last of those chickpea chili potato cakes which I was delighted to find in the fridge I managed to cobble together some nourishment including a very rough and ready crumble for dessert/breakfast.

I give thanks for catching up with a couple of episodes of Shetland, the scenery making me whimper in a completely different way...

For getting some sleep in another difficult night with joint pain and waking up this morning and thinking 'Phew, I don't have to do anything today!' before a sudden frantic mental check that it was actually Sunday and no, I didn't!

I give thanks for a very taking it easy day - an old Columbo and a nap on the sofa, lots of books, including John Treagood's second selection of thoughts and an interesting crossword manual. I never realised the reason that Morse is always trying to solve them is that Colin Dexter used to set them...

I give thanks for musing a while on Mothers' Day in rather melancholy fashion...before deciding to honour all the cherishing and care I've received from myself over the years in lieu of love from other people! Right, I'd better get off my proverbial and start making something nice for my tea to prove it...

Running up that hill

Yay, my new heater is here! Not here as in the flat, but here as in the shop. I've seen it, and ascertained I would be quite unable to carry it to a cab or up the stairs, and have been informed someone will probably call on Monday morning to arrange a delivery some other time. Ah well, I guess that's why this service is just £5! I know this isn't a particularly grateful paragraph but I reckoned it might encourage readers to give some thanks of their own for their blessings...

I do feel blessed that there were no downpours in the night and that though I didn't sleep at all well I was able to get up and finish the sprucing this morning. I give thanks to my poor old knees for taking me to the library for some more free internet browsing, and to pick up a reserved novel for a long soak in the bath later. One of the things I did was check out the Tesco grocery site to see if any more of my staples were in stock yet to add to my order... But no, even more are unavailable... So I give thanks for a bit of fairly successful hunting and gathering on the way home. I give thanks I only had a small bag with me as the hill is much harder if you have a lot to carry but I was still in a state of full on puff and groan by the time I got indoors. I give thanks I got some nice rolls so could have a 'picnic' lunch, and a very long lie down...with a warm throw and an even warmer hot water bottle. I give thanks when I fell asleep holding half a mug of tea I didn't spill it!

And yes, I did give thanks for my beautifully clean and tidy flat. I resolved to do as little as possible for as long as possible to keep it spick and span. For lots of books and TV to catch up with to help with this aspiration. I started with the programme about investigating the DNA and appearance of Cheshire Man. What a wonderful face my Western Hunter Gatherer ancestor had! At least I assume he is my ancestor... I've been checking out those tests you can do and one of them will trace your ancient forebears' migration journey. Like the sound of that!

Raindrops keep falling on my head

I give thanks for getting rid of slightly more than I bought today... always a feeling I like! To Mima for taking me in her car on a shopping expedition to places reachable by a couple of buses each way, but not if you want to carry much back. And anyway on a day like today without a car most of what you'd carry would be water!

I give thanks for going to the recyling centre as well and tipping some defunct items into their big containers, for a very reasonably priced lunch out in one of the shops and cake from the bakery by her house to stop and admire her new kitchen. She has radiators too... I give thanks for being reminded what wonderful things they are...

I give thanks for retaining enough energy for scrubbing and dusting and vacuuming on my return, though it seems a pretty academic exercise as the rain containment facility overflowed in my absence and drips and puddles down the stairs are not the kinds of water feature a viewer will want to see. On the other hand I'm sure I'll be grateful to come home to a clean flat after traipsing around in the rain while they exclaim in horror!

Stayin' alive

What a difference a week makes eh? I give thanks for the glorious spring weather! True, it was still a tad nippy today, but there's some real warmth in the sun...if you're out of the and and have a cosy hat and scarf and gloves

I give thanks for going out and going about my chores with a good heart. My joints are a bit sore and I get a bit tired carrying heavy shopping around, but I'm aware there's a lot to be grateful for in just being able to attend to one's own day to day business. I give thanks for a takeaway tea to sit on the beach with and rest, and a jolly cab driver to bring me back up the hill.

I give thanks for making my home in such a friendly and attractive spot. I've made some dumbass life choices over the years but moving to this town was as right for me as right can be!

I give thanks for having a go at making some chickpea burgers. The recipe needs some work to bring to perfection but I had seconds so they can't be that bad... And I give thanks for trying the blender pot/blade part of the mini food processor I bought in January, and finding it not only unusually easy to assemble, use, take apart and wash up, but unusually effective at the bzzhhhing in between too!  I am very impressed and pleased...

Una paloma blanca

Well, here I was, just wondering what to write and a white headed pigeon started playing peek-a-boo on the windowsill. I give thanks for it making me laugh, though also feel rather guilty as from the way it kept peering in I was sure it wanted something. It flew off when I tried to take a photo... But not far as you can see!

I give thanks for a Bill Bryson book making me laugh too, and the first episode of the Bake Off cancer thing... Though the last part of that also made me cry.

I give thanks for a busy day catching up with on line and on the phone 'paperwork', household chores and some crafty things.... For sunshine warm enough to have a window open a while to help dry the laundry... And for feeling well and strong of course, to be able to get on with these things.

Though I was rather disappointed not to hear from the electrical shop that my new heater has come in, I was grateful the call I thought must be about that was the estate agent to book another viewer on Saturday...though this does mean I must find a place to show away the bits of the broken one.

I give thanks for surviving despite Tesco being broken too. Delivery slots are hard to come by and so many things I want are out of stock there's no point anyway. As long as they get it sorted so I'm sorted before my op, it'll be OK. There's a strong chance they may keep me in over night this time, and as they are starving me before hand, and the hospital renal 'friendly' diet is largely inedible, I shall be ravenous when I get home. Ooh, I've just realised: it's only because my whole arm will be numb and I'll thus be unable to attend to any personal needs, I won't be sick or bed ridden... I can pootle off to the cafeteria in a jiff and find some one set of fingers food. I have just heaved a very grateful sigh of relief!

Tubular bells

I might have called this one Lifted if I'd come across any functional elevators today... I give thanks for my joints being relatively kind at the moment!

I give thanks for waking before my alarm. I hate having to set it as I never seem to sleep very deeply when I do...until just before it goes off of course! For the surprisingly warm sunshine at the bus stop...and the bus not being too late, though late enough for a mad dash across the hospital site as the kidney unit is almost as far from the main road bus stop as it can be. The only further point is the mortuary but you usually get there a different way.

I give thanks for being patient with the sometimes rather trying staff there who, I'm aware, are probably under the impression they are being patient with me! For a plan C, a different surgeon again to try it...and a date set for it already, what with it being a bit urgent and all. This is great because I can get on with planning other stuff instead of everything being if and but...

I give thanks for the energy for much bustling about afterwards, including the purchase of Sosmix from the great city wholefood store, and the unwrapping of an Autochop purchased from eBay when I got home. The 70s are alive and well round here!

Manic Monday

I give thanks for my occasional treat of a smidge of feta cheese in my tea last night. I had it with roast peppers and red onions, pesto and pasta and made loads so I could have some for lunch today but, oops, I had seconds and it's all gone! Never mind, making such a pig of myself meant I hardly noticed I was too busy to get any lunch at all anyway...

I give thanks for rising to the challenges of the morning starting at 2 am with a personal plumbing problem requiring rising immediately and stripping the bed, and those of the afternoon requiring patience, resilience and good boots and raincoat! I give thanks for finding a damp limp letter downstairs telling me I've a hospital appointment tomorrow morning so I knew my effort saving plan of only doing half my in town tasks had to be abandoned and I'd have to do as many as I possibly could...and then some!

I give thanks for free internet access at the library as I had some data gobbling browsing to do. For the local electric shop being out of heaters but ordering me one, and delivery to my flat being only £5! And for remembering to pop into the little supermarket in between and buy some of their posh ginger nuts to which I have become mildly addicted, and foolishly keep buying to share. This packet is just for me :-)

Surf's up!

Well, it was... and though messy it was wavy on the sea not on the land so people could enjoy riding on boards and people could enjoy watching them. I give thanks for the mostly blue sky and it being mild enough for skin not to match...and for being out at Eastcliff enjoying a cuppa with Mima at the time.

I give thanks for feeling much healthier than over the last few days. I was beginning to think it might be the beginning of the end...but I've come to the conclusion my body must run on diesel and when it gets too cold it simply doesn't...

I give thanks for a natter with a neighbour about repairs. Apparently we no longer have even a mismanaging management company to carry them out,  but he's going to see if he can get a poky thing to unblock the downpipe from my kitchen window. For a surprisingly successful hunting and gathering trip to a not very well stocked Waitrose, getting my hands on unlikely items such as a still warm fresh baked rye loaf, cream, cress and (by removing many jars of different stuff to rummage at arm's length right at the back of the shelf) butter chicken paste - which I use for all sorts of things, but not butter chicken!

I give thanks for a lift back up the hill...and that I was home and dry, if still not properly warm, when the heaviest hailstorm started.

Rain rain beautiful rain

I give thanks when the power kept going off last night it kept coming back on again. I give thanks for the rain today washing away some of the snow and ice so I could get the rubbish to the dustbin without danger of slipping. And for the sun coming out and twinkling on the drips!

I give thanks for my body temperature during daylight hours rising to the point where I could discard my scarf and hat...and move about with something more like vigor. I get (even more) lethargic when I'm cold...

I give thanks for a deep think in a deep bath and deciding to use my sore hands to try to take apart my broken heater rather than try to make anything today (other than food of course!) There's a lot of screws and it is painful and slow but a) I might be able to fix it if I can get to look inside, and b) it will be easier to get rid of in pieces if I can't. It's not only my main source of heat in the flat but the main way to dry laundry this time of year, on a rack nearby, and I'm really struggling without it so this feels like a positive step.

I give thanks for discovering why the vacuuming seemed to be taking so much effort for so little effect (dislodged bag) and clearing up the after effects of sorting that. It was astonishing how much dust there was inside - far more than was on the floor, I'I sure! I give thanks for sitting down with a big plate of dhal after all these chores... Now I'm off to fill a hot water bottle and get the quilt (and probably the hat and scarf!) ready for the evening chill....

Cocaine

OK, poetic licence, it's snow...but it's white, expensive and running all around our brains!

And while we're thinking about drugs I give thanks I'm stocked up with my various medications and surgical supplies. Though earlier in the week I'd planned to go out today I give thanks I didn't have to - it's enough of a struggle keeping warm enough indoors and it would be way too treacherous under foot for me.

I give thanks we've not had a power cut and that my sink is draining now. For having all manner of food and drink about the place, and various kinds of hot water for bottles and baths and cups of tea. For copious quantities of recorded TV - I've been spending a lot of time in Scandinavia with the howling wind outside giving an extra dimension to the soundtrack.

I give thanks for the internet to talk to people now and then. For making myself get off my proverbial and do a few household chores. Honestly, I would be quite happy just to eat and sleep til spring...especially if the eating includes more of the lush bread and butter pudding I just made with scraps and crusts from the freezer!

You can leave your hat on

I give thanks for a little jersey beanie I bought as a lining for a crochet hat I've yet to make. Apart from when I've been in bed or the bath it's been a fixture on my head for the last twenty four hours!

I give thanks for Laura phoning to see if I was OK and, as she and Nick were coming into to town before the weather really set in, to see if I needed anything. When I mentioned I was just wondering if I could fix the broken heater she offered to pick one up from her house and bring it round, so I've now a little one for the bedroom and hall as well as a medium one for the living room. They give out less warmth than I'm used to but even more heat would feel like less at the moment and I am so grateful for the thoughtfulness...and for more cosiness than last night.

I give thanks so far the only other casualty here is my kitchen sink the outflow of which is buried in a snowdrift so I suspect frozen solid... No more washing up for a couple of days is fine by me!

I give thanks the neighbour who rashly took his car out earlier and then couldn't get it into a parking space when he came back has managed, after many many attempts to get it out of the roadway in case anyone else is daft or desperate enough to try to use it. And for the ones who went out on foot and then couldn't open their iced up patio door finally found a way to get in.

I give thanks for managing to do some creative things in between all the ingesting copious calories and gawping out the window...although those bits were pretty good too!