Continuous

I give thanks there were just gentle indoor pursuits on the agenda for today, nothing important or time sensitive... so it didn't matter much that most of those didn't get done. I give thanks for managing some cooking, and clearing up some of the mess from that...and lying down, sometimes awake, between some of the stages. For eating a little despite little appetite. 

I give thanks for another beautiful day for people more capable of enjoying it. For not having the slightest smidge of envy! For paracetamol and a cuddly quilt to curl up under. For peace and quiet and resigning myself to the fact I'd be there pretty much all of the day. For finding something enjoyable to watch on Netflix -  apart from an annoying continuity gaffe so the blanket on the back of a sofa seemed to  fall down and rise up of its own accord during a conversation! Tsk tsk as they say... 

Bare

I'm grateful I was grateful the moment I opened my eyes this morning, as I'd slept well and long for the first time for a while. From Facebook I could see I'd missed a beautiful sunrise but I can appreciate other people's photos of that - seeing pictures of them asleep doesn't work the same way! I give thanks last night's hasty supper was scrummy and for a breakfast feast of mini Danish pastries fresh from the oven while second breakfast of Cauldron sausages was cooking to go in a bun. For skinny genes and hot pants from the radiator - that's underwear not shorts despite the beautiful weather causing a surprising amount of naked flesh around today! 

I give thanks for devising a bit of a walk mostly avoiding the most obviously enticing places, and mostly ignoring considerable complaints from lower body parts. For a seat in the cemetery to rest in peace, another overlooking the bay with the aforementioned brunch and one in the park with an 'artisan' ice cream before it got too busy and I had to scuttle back indoors. Surprising star of the show though was a tarmacked town footpath with a variety of trees and shrubs peeking over the high boundaries of affluent gardens. Not exactly pastures new but I was so enchanted by bare branches, berries, blossom, interesting doorways and patterns of light that I was also especially grateful there were so few other people around and I could amble along unabashed with a delirious grin on my face.

Elective

Dialysis weeks seem much longer now I no longer have any personal space, but on the other hand I'm extra grateful when they end! I give thanks there were curtains up in the bay again which is a slight return to normality and, though they were open, meant there was one less person in the room in my line of sight. I give thanks for a nurse who feels the cold shutting the windows in the later afternoon, and when a new-to-me one took me off the machine and thought I might like to bond over some chat, I give thanks for trying hard to politely deflect her from this mission, despite much persistence on her part. In the end I tried honesty and explained I found the enforced interaction with people I haven't chosen to spend time with a very hard part of treatment and,  when she responded other solitary shielding patients found it a joy, that yes, I do understand I'm odd! You don't seem shy she said, clearly oblivious to the very small gap between my jaws - look you're talking to me! Ah, extroverts they don't have a clue do they bless them! 

I give thanks my taxi driver understands companionable silence. For seeing the sun setting as we made our way through heavy traffic, and the full moon following us on the other side of the sky.

I give thanks for cobbling together some tea. Usually I have some I prepared earlier but today I elected to sit on the beach earlier instead...and I'm very grateful I did! 

Pearly

Cream crackered this evening so delighted to find a much reduced Higgidy pie in the Co op on the way home from more hours outdoors than Matt Hancock would approve of I'm sure, as I'm not a celeb, an MP or an elite sportsperson! I give thanks for the fabulously mild and sunny weather to enjoy living in a tourist hotspot before (most of) the tourists arrive, and particularly living somewhere somewhat light on non-tourist amenities and businesses so I could legitimately travel a short distance to another one to do what needed to be done.

I give thanks for walking along the sea wall a metre away from Mima which is permitted and sitting down, also apart, on the beach steps with a takeaway cuppa which, of course isn't, but I don't have the grip to manage a cup and walk, nor the strength to walk without resting. I give thanks we weren't caught and fined! For the blue sky, calm sea and lightest of breezes. For my jobs done too including using the much more spacious Post Office they have there...and for arriving back just as the bright yellow tug Dutch Pearl was starting the process of moving the Wavewalker so I could watch that for a while. I give thanks my home help is due tomorrow as chores have fallen by the wayside and horizontal is the only thing on the agenda for the rest of the day.

Patchy

I give thanks for eventually getting some sleep despite great difficulties getting my body comfortable, and those after midnight mind games many of us suffer from. For less pain this morning though I wasn't at all keen to get going and was grateful my taxi driver sent me a text saying the Wavewalker was on the very slow move, so that spurred me on to sort myself out and make a little fish finger sandwich to eat while I watched. I give thanks for fascinating engineering and an amiable and admirably socially distant crowd. Also for the carpet of purple crocuses outside my window but concealed from view by taller plants - some sort of euphorbia maybe, it's been a while since I did any gardening.

I give thanks I was still tired enough to have a long nap on the ward, as I got the distinct impression the women there were not pleased to see me back again, glaring and ignoring my attempts at being friendly. For understanding I'm a total failure at a particular kind of female small talk which involves taking it in turns to talk about yourself rather than actually conversing, and not much cop about complaining about my medical complaints (or the trials of Covid!) which is apparently another bonding process...For the taxi driver and male nurse not seeming to mind my lack of these social skills...

I give thanks my friend Lynn is still with us, thought it's sad she now understands my difficulties with hospital treatment so much better than she did before. I always think of her when I have a fish finger sandwich!

Prized

I give thanks for plans to get out and about and do some useful stuff today - it's good to create some sense of purpose especially in these difficult draining times. I was even more grateful though, as preparations to leave the premises were causing such discomfort and distress, for realising an alternative and entirely acceptable goal was a few hours under a quilt on the sofa snoozing and whimpering as required. I give thanks for my sofa, quilt, hot water bottle and TV! For cushions to plump and push and rearrange. For such pain relief as I'm allowed. For a largely grey and windy day so staying in didn't feel like missing out.

I give thanks for the way I'm always astonished by how much it hurts (and in how many places!) when I have an attack like this. I guess this kind of amnesia helps mothers have more than one baby and boxers return to the ring...For feeling a bit more capable by late afternoon and making a little headway with mysteriously accumulated washing up, and making some more preparing supper! 

Plant based

Mmm, I give thanks for a gloriously springlike day. My houseplants were grinning from leaf tip to leaf tip! And talking of leaves I give thanks for the sterling service two home grown potted lettuces have given, tomorrow they will finally be laid to scraggy rest and I'll see what seeds I have left to start planting afresh. I give thanks one good thing to come out of the Covid crisis has been my window sill supply of baby greens.

I give thanks for getting to the station early to peacefully enjoy the weather and the view including the Wavewalker which will soon be on its way. I always get terrible wanderlust this time of year when the sky is bright blue between bare branches, so also for trying to enjoy the journey as if I were travelling somewhere more fun than the renal unit. For a detour for Gregg's delicious vegan sausage rolls and a yoghurt topped flapjack on the way. 

I give thanks someone eventually shut the windows near the very draughty spot where I was plonked today...by the ward phone, the main corridor and other hindrances to tranquillity. I resembled a clothes horse by then, draped with so many garments and blankets! I was very grateful for the extra food for extra calories to burn, and it was nice to have contact with some different members of staff I guess. I'm still very grateful it's a day off tomorrow however.