So, I give thanks it doesn't hurt unbearably all the time. It's not very Zen to prefer the gentler whiles maybe, but it's human and good to be mindful of the fluctuations. And I give thanks that when it's really bad, and I think that I really cannot bear it another moment, I remember that whenever we say we can't bear something actually we already are... And I give thanks that it hurts most when I stand or sit or walk about, which is obviously not very convenient but does mean when I lie down there's this wonderful seeping away. In fact sometimes, if I lie down long enough it doesn't hurt at all for the first few half dozen steps or so afterwards...I give loads of thanks for those!
And finally I give thanks that all it is is pain. Performing some necessary fiddly post op procedure yesterday and cursing my fumbly stroke damaged hand, it suddenly dawned on me despite those dire warnings I was lying on my own bed with both arms waving free - not hooked up to a dialysis machine in hospital. And I became more grateful than I can express.
Anyway, I also give thanks for the three stages of sleep. The first stage where you drop off before you meant to and wake up and have to do the things you're meant to before you do, and the second where you wake up very early and think you'll stay awake because you fell asleep so early in the first place...and the third when you realise you one of the things you didn't do before you fell asleep in the first place was eat your supper so you have breakfast waiting beside you on a plate!
I give thanks for the sound of the thunder rain in the night, the swooshing win in the day. For the neighbours being mostly most unusually acceptably quiet. I feel the peacefulness trickle into me like a healing balm. I also give thanks that despite aforementioned fumbly fingers hitting some ill advised combination of keys and deleting my post again...I have re-written it...very slowly and conscious of every movement made!
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