5 4 3

I give thanks to Ann for the title of this post. I've never met her but she exchanges a sentence or two with me sometimes, which is more than can be said for most of the folk I have! This isn't a complaint - after a very demanding couple of weeks physically, mentally and emotionally I've been thinking it's good that I'm on my own because if someone was around I'd be sure to want to talk to them about at least some of it at some length, and people would rather focus on their own stuff usually I find. I'm grateful I made a special resolution this morning not to let pain or stress or frustration make me any more selfish than I am already, and I hope the various call centre and office staff I've had to deal with were grateful too!

I'm grateful for all the things that woke me up in the night since clearly this means I must have been sleeping soundly in between. There was a rowdy group of women screeching up the hill in the wee small hours, a cracking thunderstorm with lots of rain and then the morning crow chorus - not my favourite avian sound I have to admit - but the pigeons and corvids we have nesting this year make a change from the usual raucous gulls.

Oh, and I'm grateful the Nigella awesome flower patch down the lane is coming into bloom again. And for the Rosejam. No, sadly not a gridlock of florist's vans bringing me pick-me-up bouquets, but the bubble bath melt I bought from Lush yesterday. I'm trying to make it last, though I'll have to keep using it to do proper research into its durability I guess (sigh!).

I'm also cautiously grateful that some things that weren't working a few days ago seem to be so now after hard graft, persevering patience. Well they were last time I checked anyhow and I don't intend to put their durability to the test again today...

My treat

I'm grateful for all the times lately I've heard folk say to their companions in cafes 'My treat'. Isn't it lovely that people treat people? I'm grateful for seeing a rather classy looking new patisserie today where I would love to treat someone should I ever get the opportunity. Form an orderly queue, or I could just gaze at the concoctions  in the window again!

I'm grateful my bus was on time this morning, and that I remembered to get a photo of the poppies as the man was spraying them today and they won't look so pretty before long. I'm grateful that at last I got to see the renal consultant again...and that she listened to me. I'm so used to people paying scant attention to anything I say, and was steeled for this being the case today, so it felt rather like a treat even though neither of us had good news for the other. I'm grateful I've lots of practice at being in situations I'd really rather not be, including being in them on my own when I'd rather not be as well. I'm grateful I still have myself to talk through difficulties and problems with - never busy, disinterested or indifferent, aware of all the angles and usually kind and wise.

I'm grateful I made it to Lush afterwards and bought myself something to wallow in other than self pity...And for a brilliant busker filling the street with beautiful sounds. 

I'm grateful I've found a minimum of five things to be grateful for every day for three whole years!

Fine Finnish

I give thanks for the finish on the bottom of this skirt which would look good even if blown up by a gust of wind.

I give thanks for being out in gusts of wind - and sunshine - this afternoon and that I had an appointment so had to go, otherwise staying and dozing with TV and knitting might have been done instead..

I give thanks for the lushness of the hedgerows and gardens just now...and for living somewhere where there's so many about.

I give thanks for the magic world of post acupuncture including coming out of the building afterwards and feeling I should go to a certain place though I wouldn't know why til I got there...and when I got there finding a friend and her friend and joining them for a cuppa and cake in the sun.

I give thanks for a fascinating book I've found about the ways of folk from Finland. What...seriously? You thought it was a mistake? Mwahahaha...

Fixation

There's a lot of things I cannot fix...and a lot of people supposedly fixing things on my behalf I cannot change in anyway either! So today, wallowing a little in the quagmire of all this, I was really grateful to discover I had both the skills and the materials to fix a crochet hook with a soft grip handle and sharp snag at the join where it met the shaft that was (funnily enough) snagging. I had some special tape left over from when I used to have to fix my own surgical appliances so I'm grateful I don't have to do that any more as well. In fact some of the situations I'm in now remind me of when I was being mistreated for cancer and reliably misinformed about what to do to make it stop, so I've been giving thanks no matter how trying the stuff I'm trying to deal with at the moment it's not matters of life and death.

On the other hand I'm grateful that my experiences over the last few years have taught (are continuing to teach) me not to be so fixated on trying to fix any part of my little life or path to death. We all tend to live as if we're Celebrities who should be Got Out of Here exactly when and how we choose and no jungle nasties on the way, neither for ourselves nor our nearest and dearest, thank you very much. It's all 'jungle nasties should be reserved for some other person, time or place, some other family, race or religion, another political party or sexual persuasion perhaps', and Someone Should do Something About it and 'like if you agree' and so on, forgetting we are no more significant than the ants that crawl or drops of rain that fall on the forest floor. All we can do is try to care more and care less in appropriate places and I'm grateful for all the times I'm reminded of this...

I also give thanks for the following - worth a look even if you think you don't like Banksy or Lego or flowers!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/robynwilder/banksy-lego

http://www.boredpanda.com/flowers-look-like-animals-people-monkeys-orchids-pareidolia/

The row is long...

No, row, not row - so it sort of rhymes with the song! I give thanks for discovering how much easier it is to knit on circular needle if your hands don't work very well, and that some allegedly lush yarn bought from ebay is...and is safely here and very gradually growing into a garment. I'm grateful that my assessment of its actual colour and texture turned out to be pretty close to what it is, and that I like it. I'm grateful to say I've usually been fortunate in my internet purchases this way, by means of a mixture of wisdom, experience, comparing Google images, bravery and luck - and you'll have to employ the same to formulate any idea what it looks like from this photo too, I'm afraid.

After trying the rice cure, I give thanks that, although my Sony Walkman mp3 player hasn't fully survived being dropped in a loo, rinsed under a tap and blown out of my hands twice by a ferocious blast from a hand dryer to land on a marble floor, it does function a little. There's nothing showing on the screen and no way of choosing music, and it now exclusively plays Imee Ooi's soothing compositions based on Buddhist chants and mantras, presumably because that was what I was listening to before the damage occurred rather than their intrinsic specialness and personal value. But due to their intrinsic specialness and personal value I'm pretty grateful they're still there! There's all manner of listening to music nowadays, of course, but the best sound quality I've ever had you can put in your pocket still comes from a Sony Walkman...

I'm grateful for remaining largely good natured in today's dealings regarding the matter I was assured was dealt with yesterday. I enjoyed the feeling that it was resolved but clearly someone still has more to learn from the situation...maybe me! I'm grateful for getting as much rest and relaxation as possible between tackling the mental challenges and physical demands of those ever ongoing chores, including a nap, a meditate, some Shiatsu stretches and the simple rhythm of knitting...

Monday service

I woke up to that 'Monday morning feeling' and was very grateful that for most of my working life I was self employed, or had jobs I liked...or worked Saturdays and Sundays as well! I've done manual things, and mental ones, been creative quietly at home and dealt with the demands of customers face to face or on the phone, but I can honestly say the most taxing task by far must be medical retirement - it's seriously exhausting looking after yourself sometimes.

I give thanks for all the willing, loving support and assistance there is in the world, whether the recipients are unwell or not, and for the times I find something I can do for someone else even if it's just buying a Big Issue, or making someone smile. Of course I'm grateful when I pay folk money and I get some kind of service that helps me too...but today I gratefully received some free forceful pointing of feet to derriere from the CAB regarding some of the services are supposed to help that have failed to function recently. I was grateful for knowing where there's a pharmacy that dispenses tea and cake, and for timely buses and sunshine too so that, although there were ways I'd rather have spend the day's time and energy, it was as pleasant an experience as it could be in the circumstances with pretty views through the windows and tunes inside my ears.

Shorts

Heavens, is that the time? I give thanks for much slouching and ouching on the couch today. I've been grateful for it being a day of rest for many who work I have to deal with, which creates some extra rest for me...but that professional tennis players have been on the job and entertaining me!

I give thanks for clean water to drink, and for hot water for washing.  For a comfy bed to sleep in... and for when I'm comfy enough to sleep. 

I give thanks for being shown seated tai chi...and for sometimes, as today,  actually doing some.

I give thanks for technology... and for patience...

I give thanks for starting to write this earlier otherwise I might have forgotten to finish...