Along the road between the hospital and the place I live are many pairs of mature trees that to those of a whimsical disposition might appear to be reaching across above the traffic to kiss or touch hands. I give thanks I am of a whimsical disposition! For noticing this as I often do on the drive home and it reminding me of last night's dream during which I was snogging someone I used to know and with whom I particularly enjoyed taking part in this activity!
I give thanks for starting to feel a little more human yesterday evening and again this morning although the treatment session left me feeling rather wan. For beginning to get to know a few more members of staff and for seeing a few whose conversation I enjoy today including the chap who lost a patient last week. As I was in a side room again (woohoo!) I got a chance to ask him if it had affected him and to express the fact that it had affected me. I've managed to reach quite a great age without seeing someone die before and it was very sobering. He said obviously in his varied nursing career he'd seen it quite a lot but it still got to him every time.
I give thanks for the relative peacefulness and privacy of the little room, and for the internet working so I could catch up this interesting documentary I've been meaning to watch for a while...
https://www.channel4.com/programmes/george-clarkes-council-house-scandal
I give thanks for remembering when I got indoors and was wondering if I could possibly find the energy to go out and buy a tub of coleslaw for my tea, that I had already bought some yesterday on the way to catch the bus, wondering if I could possibly find the energy to go to a supermarket then and get some...and remembering a deli in the market hall who had lovely creamy homemade stuff.
Wednesday, 7 August 2019
Tuesday, 6 August 2019
Quatre-vingt-dix-huit
It was only a couple of days ago I was giving thanks for restless leg syndrome being a distant nightmarish memory...then late yesterday it came back to make sure I was really grateful it had taken such a long time over it! Ych a fi, how horrid it is! I give thanks for eventually sleeping soundly for several hours and also for there not being any need to rush to get up, as the reason I'd been eventually able to drop off was one of those magic pills so I've been in stupor all day... I give thanks being rather dazed and dozy was actually a good state to go to the dentist for a filling, and for, as always, being grateful my current one is such a thoroughly decent chap!
I give thanks for remembering my mp3 player - much needed on the buses, especially the one with the mother who probably thought she was giving helpful advice to her teenage kids but who actually seemed to be subjecting them to a stream of put downs and criticism. I hope she has other endearing qualities I might have missed, and that they have thick skins and people who praise and encourage them, as that kind negativity when you're growing up can stick in your head and be detrimental to your mental health in later life.
I give thanks for Wilko having the cheeriest shop music, cheap water filters and a selection of affordable goodies to take to the people on the ward I used to be on to say thank you for keeping me alive. For being able to suck a yoghurt topped flapjack with my numb mouth as I was ravenous when I got home...Oh and for the lady on the fruit and veg stall in the market tracking me down to the bus stop to deliver the plums I'd left behind. They are probably the friendliest and most helpful traders I've ever encountered - and this from someone who used to be one!
I give thanks for remembering my mp3 player - much needed on the buses, especially the one with the mother who probably thought she was giving helpful advice to her teenage kids but who actually seemed to be subjecting them to a stream of put downs and criticism. I hope she has other endearing qualities I might have missed, and that they have thick skins and people who praise and encourage them, as that kind negativity when you're growing up can stick in your head and be detrimental to your mental health in later life.
I give thanks for Wilko having the cheeriest shop music, cheap water filters and a selection of affordable goodies to take to the people on the ward I used to be on to say thank you for keeping me alive. For being able to suck a yoghurt topped flapjack with my numb mouth as I was ravenous when I got home...Oh and for the lady on the fruit and veg stall in the market tracking me down to the bus stop to deliver the plums I'd left behind. They are probably the friendliest and most helpful traders I've ever encountered - and this from someone who used to be one!
Monday, 5 August 2019
Quatre-vingt-dix-sept
I give thanks for a bit less pain and a bit more strength after my restful day yesterday. I even managed to rustle up some blueberry and ginger rock buns for supper/lunchboxes as shopping would have been way too much hard work.
For getting a side room for treatment and thinking ooh I can relax this afternoon but first of all the machine and then my blood pressure went all wrong so it wasn't particularly peaceful. Also a neighbouring patient had some music station on much too LOUD so I was very grateful when I felt well enough to sit up bya again and could put my headphones on. The taxi driver home then treated up to Smooth Radio which was even worse, and I gave great thanks in among the tedious offerings they squeezed Van the man and his brown eyed girl which was welcome respite from several hours ear abuse.
I give thanks for thinking of something quick and easy for tea as I wasn't up to cooking this morning and I'm even less so now. The housework is getting ahead of me and the decorating has come to a full stop so I give thanks for reminding myself nothing really matters. For a flollop on the sofa with another one of those cakes, and Dave Lamb making me laugh out loud...
For getting a side room for treatment and thinking ooh I can relax this afternoon but first of all the machine and then my blood pressure went all wrong so it wasn't particularly peaceful. Also a neighbouring patient had some music station on much too LOUD so I was very grateful when I felt well enough to sit up bya again and could put my headphones on. The taxi driver home then treated up to Smooth Radio which was even worse, and I gave great thanks in among the tedious offerings they squeezed Van the man and his brown eyed girl which was welcome respite from several hours ear abuse.
I give thanks for thinking of something quick and easy for tea as I wasn't up to cooking this morning and I'm even less so now. The housework is getting ahead of me and the decorating has come to a full stop so I give thanks for reminding myself nothing really matters. For a flollop on the sofa with another one of those cakes, and Dave Lamb making me laugh out loud...
Sunday, 4 August 2019
Quatre-vingt-seize
The best days when you have fibromyalgia are the ones when you hardly notice you do, and of course I'm grateful for those...as well as the ones when you have some pain and fatigue but manage to function to some degree nonetheless. There's a lot to be said, however, for the ones when all you really feel up to is lying down and that's pretty much all you do. I give thanks for giving in to the need to rest today because, though it's good to be able to push yourself, you do suffer for longer for it. I give thanks for lots of horizontal today - in the bed, in the bath and on the sofa. For convenience foods from the cupboard and freezer, copious snoozes and not venturing out the door so that there was no need to get dressed or sort out my hair or any of that malarky!
I give thanks for pushing myself last night to go out to see a film just a little way up the road. It was a rom com which is not really my kind of thing at all but set in the next county in a favourite coastal village so plenty to enjoy. I give thanks for the interesting experience of being able to compare the shivers of horror running up and down my spine from someone in the tiered seat behind me rustling a plastic sweet packet very close to my ear with the shivers of pleasure from hearing male voices raised in harmonious song. I thought I'd better add the final adjective there as there's been communal karaoke at the pub out the back today and this didn't have the same effect at all, though I could tell the chaps were having fun and of course I was grateful for that.
I give thanks for pushing myself last night to go out to see a film just a little way up the road. It was a rom com which is not really my kind of thing at all but set in the next county in a favourite coastal village so plenty to enjoy. I give thanks for the interesting experience of being able to compare the shivers of horror running up and down my spine from someone in the tiered seat behind me rustling a plastic sweet packet very close to my ear with the shivers of pleasure from hearing male voices raised in harmonious song. I thought I'd better add the final adjective there as there's been communal karaoke at the pub out the back today and this didn't have the same effect at all, though I could tell the chaps were having fun and of course I was grateful for that.
Saturday, 3 August 2019
Quatre-vingt-quinze
I give thanks for an earlyish night, a lateish lie in and a brief siesta as well. It's difficult to get the quality when you're in a lot of pain so topping up on the quantity is really the best you can do!
I give thanks for performing a few useful functions outside the home - winning a lengthy battle to get meds out of the pharmacy wrestling with a new computer system, buying tickets for the cinema showing of a popular local interest film later and disposing of and acquiring stuff with Mima. Indoors I've mostly been groaning, stumbling around in a fog of fatigue and giving up and resting and but I'm grateful I did manage to wash up a few mugs and plates and get some laundry out of the machine and on to the rack - a job that is far more demanding than putting a load on in the first place. Oh I do give thanks for the convenience of modern appliances...and also for convenience food! My hopes of finding a renally suitable ready meal in the new supermarket for an quick tea being dashed, I give thanks fish fingers from the freezer will do just fine for now and not create much washing up to add to the still rather large pile... I give I did manage to pick up a jar of their lush butter chicken sauce as sampled at Bob's a while back and yearned for ever since. I'm sure it will be just as delightful with quorn or tofu in!
I give thanks for performing a few useful functions outside the home - winning a lengthy battle to get meds out of the pharmacy wrestling with a new computer system, buying tickets for the cinema showing of a popular local interest film later and disposing of and acquiring stuff with Mima. Indoors I've mostly been groaning, stumbling around in a fog of fatigue and giving up and resting and but I'm grateful I did manage to wash up a few mugs and plates and get some laundry out of the machine and on to the rack - a job that is far more demanding than putting a load on in the first place. Oh I do give thanks for the convenience of modern appliances...and also for convenience food! My hopes of finding a renally suitable ready meal in the new supermarket for an quick tea being dashed, I give thanks fish fingers from the freezer will do just fine for now and not create much washing up to add to the still rather large pile... I give I did manage to pick up a jar of their lush butter chicken sauce as sampled at Bob's a while back and yearned for ever since. I'm sure it will be just as delightful with quorn or tofu in!
Friday, 2 August 2019
Quatre-vingt-quatorze
I give thanks my very trying electricity company has been taken over by another. This sounds good at least in that they have a Newcastle based call centre but, though the people I've spoken to have lovely accents, they've so far not been able to assist with my long running attempts to switch from Economy 7 as my account seems to have wandered off in the ether! I give thanks I still have power arriving at my sockets and switches - that's the most important thing eh?
There's been very little power in my body today just lots of pain and stiffness and fatigue. I give thanks for ignoring all chores that could be considered unnecessary including the washing up from the day before yesterday and brushing my hair, just concentrating on basic personal hygiene, a basic packed lunch and some simple to put on clothing before the taxi came. For a silent driver so I could micro nap in the traffic jams and actually managing to get comfy on the treatment chair so I could have another nap after eating. A delayed journey and a slow set up on the machine meant over running my departure time and wouldn't you know it, for the first time ever at this unit the driver was pacing the halls waiting for me. I've met this chap before and he's one of those folk who always contradict whatever you say so it was a pretty silent return as well as I really can't be doing with it, but I was very grateful to be whisked away before the city roads got really full and be home on my sofa drinking tea just after half past five. I give thanks the pain has eased off a little during the day but I'm still very grateful there's not much to be done to prepare a meal as half of it is leftovers again!
There's been very little power in my body today just lots of pain and stiffness and fatigue. I give thanks for ignoring all chores that could be considered unnecessary including the washing up from the day before yesterday and brushing my hair, just concentrating on basic personal hygiene, a basic packed lunch and some simple to put on clothing before the taxi came. For a silent driver so I could micro nap in the traffic jams and actually managing to get comfy on the treatment chair so I could have another nap after eating. A delayed journey and a slow set up on the machine meant over running my departure time and wouldn't you know it, for the first time ever at this unit the driver was pacing the halls waiting for me. I've met this chap before and he's one of those folk who always contradict whatever you say so it was a pretty silent return as well as I really can't be doing with it, but I was very grateful to be whisked away before the city roads got really full and be home on my sofa drinking tea just after half past five. I give thanks the pain has eased off a little during the day but I'm still very grateful there's not much to be done to prepare a meal as half of it is leftovers again!
Thursday, 1 August 2019
Quatre-vingt-treize
My joints have been increasingly unpleasantly painful this week - knees, knuckles, neck and hips in particular - and I give thanks for remembering to be grateful I don't have to go to work, or grow my food or take care of anyone but me. It does make even the simplest of essential tasks rather arduous however, and has curbed my creativity, productivity and capacity for pleasure so as often as possible I've been sitting down or lying down - even though that doesn't stop the hurting just stops activity making it worse. Even so, I still have to eat so I give thanks for getting inventive in the kitchen over the last couple of days and putting together a lentil and pepper roast with barley, ground almonds, smoked garlic, chili and paprika for filling and flavour. Very nice indeed!
I give thanks for last night also booking another boat trip for today as I knew, without anything I had to leave the house for, it would be very easy not to leave my bed! The weather forecast says rain next week, plus I've got the date for my PIP assessment and don't know how much longer before they whisk my disabled benefits away and possibilities for outings plummet due to lack of cash and passes so it seemed a good idea to go out today on many levels though I was whimpering with the discomfort at times and nodding off at others. I was grateful for seeing more cliffs from the water. Phang Nga bay it may not be, but the UK coastline is a wonder to behold...and I give thanks many many moons ago I went to Phang Nga bay so I am able to compare...
I give thanks for managing to negotiate the teeming crowds for a delicious scone and a cup of tea, and that although all forms of transport were running last this included the bus for the final leg of my journey so I had time to persuade an almost closed up market trader to sell me half a cucumber and some little gems and pop to the loo. This is me since I got home...I feel quatre-vingt-treize this evening!
I give thanks for last night also booking another boat trip for today as I knew, without anything I had to leave the house for, it would be very easy not to leave my bed! The weather forecast says rain next week, plus I've got the date for my PIP assessment and don't know how much longer before they whisk my disabled benefits away and possibilities for outings plummet due to lack of cash and passes so it seemed a good idea to go out today on many levels though I was whimpering with the discomfort at times and nodding off at others. I was grateful for seeing more cliffs from the water. Phang Nga bay it may not be, but the UK coastline is a wonder to behold...and I give thanks many many moons ago I went to Phang Nga bay so I am able to compare...
I give thanks for managing to negotiate the teeming crowds for a delicious scone and a cup of tea, and that although all forms of transport were running last this included the bus for the final leg of my journey so I had time to persuade an almost closed up market trader to sell me half a cucumber and some little gems and pop to the loo. This is me since I got home...I feel quatre-vingt-treize this evening!
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