Brief

It's not that I'm not grateful I live in a time and place where I'm kept alive, but sometimes I wake up and the upcoming potential trials of treatment and transport really do not appeal! Since opportunities for mini escapes between hospital days have become harder to find this seems to happen more often, so I was grateful when wondering whether to go to the Co op before I set off today I decided I definitely should... and go to the beach for a few minutes first. 

I gave thanks the beach is only a short way away as I was still tired and sore. That the the mild bright start to the day hadn't faded to the clouds and rain that followed, and it was neither too breezy nor too peoply for my tastes. For the warmth of the sunshine, the sparkles on the water and the wagtails wagging on the sand... for a few minutes of holiday feeling.

I give thanks the Co-op wasn't too busy, and as it's been a long day due to various delays I'm really grateful the shopping I wanted was on my shelves not theirs when I got home and including their last but one pint of semi skimmed! 

Devilish

I give thanks it's been a great weekend to have a nasty arthritic flare up, especially in one of my knees, as this has encouraged me not only not to go out but to limit changes of position, in particular the particularly painful standing up from sitting down! I give thanks for some productive and pleasant sedentary hours finishing off some mosaic pieces and sewing jobs, eating yummy food and catching up with stuff on TV and Netflix. For Devil's Claw cream. For the world outside my window not seeming too enticing with sharp showers and some very cross sounding dogs and children. For the culinary wonder that is Quorn. 

Previous

In byegone days, pre all kinds of restricting factors, this was the time of year I liked to take a little holiday and I give thanks for many memories flooding back with or without the aid of Facebook...though I must admit there is some wistfulness involved as well! I give thanks for managing to walk around the block late this afternoon. That's as good as I could hope for today... 

I've been repeatedly grateful for my pre-planning for this weekend, so that there's been no arduous chores or tasks requiring my attention and I've been able to get the restorative rest required, occasionally dabbling in gentle pastimes like reading, watching TV and more experiments with mosaic. For the food I had ready to cook or simply to serve including those trusty favourites garlic bread, hummus, coleslaw and kalamata olives - none of which I'd even heard of for at least the first third of my life, and which I'm extremely grateful eventually made themselves known to me!

For some very necessary solitude after seven hours plus of enforced interaction yesterday with a dozen or so assorted folk, mostly strangers. For the flower on my peace lily meeting my nose every time I open or close my bedroom blind so I can't overlook it's sweet but subtle fragrance. 

Dodgy

I'm a sucker for a soak and I'm pleased to report my new bath foam was exceedingly fit for purpose last night despite being not the intended market. Having checked the fine print ingredients I could spot no substance likely to be injurious to the female form or psyche, nor indeed enhancing to the male, and can only conclude the darker colours in the packaging, inclusion of sandalwood traditionally used in 'aftershaves' plus connotations of extra masculinity in the use of the plural pronoun are what sets it apart from similar products in the range. I've been perplexed by this kind of gender specificity since I was a wee small...well, person...and I'm grateful there have been developments in the ensuing years even if this is not an example... Coincidentally came across this this morning...just wow! 

https://www.boredpanda.com/womans-pink-ladies-car-1955-dodge-la-femme/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=BPFacebook&fbclid=IwAR2S6508E-WcTWtlElfXnusqWhOJVRiatow3kudj7cZFsbI9FU2NOoakoQM

I give thanks I've had plenty of time to write my blog during my long treatment day, as all departments are running late and I haven't even started stage 2! I give thanks for earphones - it's been very noisy everywhere. For bringing a book though I'm down to the last few pages...eek! Um...I give thanks for the NHS

Majestic

I give thanks for feeling more human today than I've done for quite a while! I'd been beginning to wonder if that would ever happen again, and as I've been given the go ahead for my cancer treatment after dialysis tomorrow and am likely to be all of a flop for a few days after, it has come in very handy! I've been grateful for being able to catch up with domestic and DIY chores, shop for essentials and make favourite foods to tempt me if I'm feeling bleurgh...and all with remarkably little discomfort or pain. 

I give thanks for the local charity that helps homeless and others in need finally managing to send someone to collect my surplus, perfectly serviceable TV. They seemed surprised (as well as grateful) someone would think to donate something like that which I find mystifying. Maybe it helps I know more about what it's like to be near the bottom of the heap than a lot of folk who probably have a lot more to spare... I was also delighted the nearest charity shop to me is open again and receiving donations as if they are appreciated rather than with a sigh, a roll of the eyes and a long list of dos and don'ts as is the case with some of the others just now. For a holdall full of all sorts delivered, and more surprise that the holdall was gifted too... For a slight detour to remove my mask and bury my nose in honeysuckle tumbling over a cafe wall...one of my favourite flowers and fragrances. 

For an improved range of fruit and veg in our local Co-op in recent months - - I don't mean improved since lockdown, I mean better than it's ever been! Also for particularly delightful staff at Boots here. I loved the formerly independent pharmacy I used to use before I moved and it's great to have a  pleasant replacement.

For the majestic Queen Mary II gracing our waters with her gracious lines. Makes the newer style cruise ships moored nearby look as if they were modelled on walking boots! 

Autumnal

I give thanks the weather forecast suggests we might have a bit more summer next week as I might have a bit of time for some! For noticing the autumn colours coming in the trees and trying not to dread the winter. For trying not to get too worked up about more muddles and messiness around today. I'm sure no one is doing it deliberately to annoy me, it's just one of those rather challenging times in life when there's a lot of stuff not going according to arrangements and plans...

I give thanks for a lovely member of staff I've not seen for a long time attending to me today. For some quick food to eat when I got home to keep me going until I can make some more...my autumnal appetite is on its way too and it's the kind of murky evening just right for starting building up a layer of bodily insulation! For some new grout to try that's much cheaper than the type I've been using, and lots of ideas for arrangements of tiles too for it to squeeze between, hopefully satisfactorily...if I can manage to squeeze some of that into tomorrow's schedule! For not having to go to hospital tomorrow (as far as I know anyhow!) though I have phone triage and, if that goes OK, a debate about how to fit two treatments in on Friday. 

Critical

I met a charming Dutch man today. We exchanged a few pleasantries and he briefly laid his hand on my arm... and that was the extent of my 'urgent' access surgery appointment, following not even seeing the chap on my 'emergency' one last week. I give thanks for his reassurance he had no plans to fix what didn't seem to be broken and for his apology for over zealous members of the team summoning me unnecessarily when he could see from my notes I already had 'a lot going on' *. I expressed relief that this was one less thing to stress over and went to see how messed up the return journey would be after the one into the city was so late they turned up to take me home before I'd even arrived! I give thanks I'd taken my mp3 player as the driver was the one who refuses point blank to turn off Radio 2's Let's Talk About Me phone-in show or whatever it's really called, and after oncology calling to see if I was expecting my immunotherapy at 5pm on Friday (Me: Er...yes, that's the appointment I was given unless you know any different? Them: No, no, we're just checking!) my faith in the workings of the NHS had taken quite a plummet, and some soothing tunes came in handy... 

I give thanks it's as if a switch was flipped last overnight and the ratio of visitors to locals is no longer critical, it's much less busy everywhere and the tourists who are still round are much quieter! I'd been holding out for a change but hadn't expected one so dramatic, and with the return of the warm sunshine I crave I did struggle to be grateful for this morning's extended goose chase...but I do give thanks while typing that I remembered the fox ambling around the hospital grounds! 

For cooking a plant burger and toasting a ciabatta bun when I got home while I changed into shorter leggings and scruffier shoes to take my lunch down to the cove. I've been feeling like someone who has a lot going on the last couple of weeks and though it was an effort to get there and back it was precious to have some quality in among all the drudgery and drama of keeping the quantity up. 

* euphemistic medical phrase meaning you're f*cked