Newsworthy

I was grateful for a good night's sleep last night. Must've been sound - nurse July said she shone her torch in my eyes to check on me! For the thought of her spending her days off making the pickles and curries her daughter has requested to take back to Uni. Apparently she says her mum is the best cook in the world! Isn't that lovely? 

For non-nurse but very comfortingly non motheringly caring Julie delivering and taking away some possessions  and help me make some plans for the next stage of my life which may be somewhat short but which I intend to make as sweet as possible.

For the way staff pat you when they know you've had bad news. For the way some bad news can be also seem quite good if you'll you look at it in the right way. For some news that seems pretty good however I look at it. 

Portable

 I give thanks for jolly porters... For the glimpses of the outside world on the way to and during dialysis... and honestly that's just about it for today. I give thanks I'll refrain from listing all the stuff I've not been grateful for, because I know it doesn't help anyone, and I Because I know I should be 

Useless

 It's easy to feel useless, a waste of time and space. I give thanks for the times when I don't This afternoon I was grateful to have the energy to get up for a bit of a wash and tidy up of my stuff -  a brusque HCA was complaining earlier about all the crap (her word) patients in general keep on their tables and about me in particular for not wanting to get up to leave my bed to have it made until some anti sickness meds had been administered. I was so flushed with my success (literally with yesterday's blood transfusion) I then offered my services to the bed bound lady across the way and found her lost and longed for deodorant. And after flopping back on my bed I let a medical student practice pressing and tapping on my tummy to see what she could feel.

For either the daily experimental adjustment of anti emetics being more successful this time, or just being luckier after struggling with nausea all night. For managing a few sips of tea with a few dunks of shortbread as well as the usual minor dents on plates of meal time food.

Temporal

 I give thanks for folk who give blood

 I give thanks for folk who give blood

 I give thanks for folk who give blood

I give thanks for nurses who give blood to me!

Timing has not been on my side today, in particular timing of ingestion of anti-sickness meds so as to be effective before ingestion of food, and the timing of my dialysis session so that ingestion of either could take place! I give thanks for realising feeling irritated and  niggled by these kinds of things is a sign that I'm getting better.

I give thanks for some glimpses of the outside world and a bag of treats gathered from it by Keith and Jo. 

Did I mention how pleased I am to have had a blood transfusion? 

Personal

I give thanks for lots of sleeping, some of it in the night. For the way the dimmed lights seem like bright sunshine streaming in when you wake in the early morning. 

 For a 'glass' of orange squash at the second time of asking. I'm not normally a squashy person but yesterday's (normally on the bbanned list) orange juice was divine on the taste buds though too acidic for my tummy so this is a compromise. Really not feeling the food here today, and struggling with the unavoidable unappetising smells so I was grateful to Mima for bringing in refreshing tinned fruit, plus laundry done by Julie and some little longed for odds and ends like nail scissors and file.

For Audible reading to me, that's such a comfort. I'm on a mystery set in Iceland at the mo and the place and personal names give me little shivers of delight. 

Sparkling

I give thanks for

Hearing loads of fireworks last night though lack of windows meant I didn't see a single sparkle

Clean skin

Clean hair

Clarisssa finding time to help me shower. The is a desperate staff shortage, they have so much to do and delays attending to non urgent care are commonplace, particularly if you're loath to nag and moan, or believe you're the centre of everyone's universe. 

For being patient and not  nagging and moaning when no one answered my call bell this morning but finally getting the attention I needed by opening my mouth and showing a passing moithered HCA the feeding tube had come adrift and was waggling around on my tongue. I'd been steeling myself to stand my ground and insist it be removed whether for my 'own good' or not, so it was a great relief it did the job itself. Oh joy I have a choice of sleeping positions tonight! 

A clean stoma bag...and being able to deal with that myself! 

For Rachel opening the bottle of San Pellegrino Charlotte brought me last week. And for feeling well enough to want her to.

Tasty food and carefully eating some. As long as they keep on top of the IV anti sickness meds which isn't always possible when they are so stretched. 

Dreaming

 I give thanks for my wondrous dreams, so full of detailed sensual pleasures. It was a shock when I awoke this morning to see the hospital curtain beside the bed instead of the Mediterranean island I was exploring, and the beep of call bells or drip machines instead of the live music I was enjoying at a wooden tabled Ramblas bar. 

For the young housekeeper singing the Everly Brothers' Dream as he swept around my bed. It's one of my all time favourites and we sang a few bars together in harmony. What a treat!

For trying to be understanding and patient when other patients, staff or the faults in the system begin to infuriate me, or when doctors and specialist nurses treat me with excessive delicacy regarding oncological matters, as if I might not have noticed or be in denial about the cancer. For the very vocal and demanding lady across the way who helps me to remember by not naturally being so inclined!

For a few chunks of tinned pineapple Charlotte  brought in going down like  a dream yesterday. I must see if I can get someone to bring a little food box with some more so seconds can be saved in the fridge.

For accepting a nasal feeding tube to try to build me up, and the  irony of going through the horrible process of insertion only to have to wait for hours for them to find a pump to administer the nutrition. See above...