Sept

I give thanks my stopped benefit money has finally been restarted! Of course it would be even nicer if they could backdate payment to when it was stopped in the first place but every little helps as they say and this is rather a lot every week coming back into my bank balance for now. I give thanks for raiding Waitrose to celebrate after a very pleasant cafe rendezvous with Jo and Jenny and Liz.. and for the energy to do these things.

I give thanks for a better day altogether starting with not waking at silly o'clock but early enough for a bit of a restful lie in before starting on some of the things I wanted to do, some of the things I needed to do and some restorative times of doing nothing in between. For giving into the urge I've been suppressing for three and a half months - to stick the point of a pair of scissors in a part of the living room wallpaper where it's not too well attached to the wall to see how easily it will come off. It's painted woodchip so I knew to expect a tough job ahead, especially as it's a large high ceilinged room, so I was delighted in that part at least it's actually coming off quite satisfyingly easily. Like other decorating jobs I can only do a little at a time, and some areas will be impossible for me to reach but it's very heartening to discover not all of it is beyond my capability.

I give thanks for running into Phil the cab man when I was mooching about my old haunts. It was on my to do list to call him today to see if he'd be working Saturday for a ride to the church and now I know he is and has pencilled me in so that's another job done. I give thanks for digging some leftovers out of the freezer for tea...it's good to be busy but I'm grateful I'm winding down now.

Six

I give thanks that I'm home as that turned out to be a rather tough day at the office! My blood pressure went right down again and this time actually made me sick...Not nice at all, but the staff were very kind and helpful. I give thanks though tired, I soon felt OK again afterwards. For trying to fill in a crossword with my left hand...and for leaving it and watching Aquarius on Netflix instead. Oh and for starting to watch American Gods on my accidental free Amazon Prime trial last night. The special effects on that are so good it has to be seen on a bigger screen.

I give thanks for an interesting sea view as I ate my porridge this morning. First of all the brightly coloured pleasure boat from across the bay went past, and then a fleet of six jet skis appeared around the headland and swooped towards the shore.

I give thanks I mostly made dinner for tonight before I went out this morning, and for vacuuming the living room floor so the room looks nice and I don't have to leave off appreciating it for long!

Cinq

I'm grateful for the stuff I've got done today, but the best bits were definitely the ones when I did very little at all! Reading a book in bed in the morning, and another in the bath in the afternoon along with a postprandial nap...

I give thanks for deciding yesterday evening that a ready made dinner, meaning only minimal food prep and washing up, should release energy for making headway with painting the last section of kitchen wall. Ah well, we all make mistakes, and even though I've been too exhausted and sore to do much more than finish what I started, clean up somewhat and put the furniture etc back in place, I really am grateful that job is now done. A week tomorrow I have an appointment that will likely result in another operation on my arm so it's important to do as much as I can before I lose the use of it again.

I give thanks for writing that and remembering a little craft project for a friend I was working on and got side-tracked from this week. For managing to do a little more before my hand began to seize up...And for then being grateful that instead of the Columbo I don't recall seeing (that failed to record well enough due to being on a channel for which the signal is still weak) I was watching one I've seen not so long ago and so didn't need to pay the screen so much attention.

I give thanks for looking at the clock and realising hey, it won't be all that long before I can be back in bed with a book!

Quatre

I give thanks for a patchwork sort of day. I don't mean I've been cutting and stitching scraps of cloth (that would have been nice!) but piecing together bits of pleasantness or productivity from the unpromising fabric of low mood, low energy, low finances (still not a p from the DWP) and lots of pain, fatigue and misery.

I give thanks for switching mortgage product to save myself a few quid a month - and for not having to speak to an advisor to do it as well. For finding my Actipatches and tubular bandages to hold them on my knees. For enjoying the warmth of the sunshine when I was out, and for the chill of the breeze ensuring the crowds were fairly thin.

I give thanks for thinking maybe I'd have a late afternoon al fresco ice cream or cuppa when I'd done some chores before I discovered how nippy it still was. For blowing the money I saved on a couple of Co-op ready meals instead as I was then too tired to cook tea. For being fully aware they are neither going to taste very good nor be very renally nutricious, and for not really caring much either way!

I give thanks for a BT muddle meaning I got to speak to lovely advisor to sort it out. When I complimented him on his Newcastle charm he described at some length how happily married he was and to what a splendid man! I give thanks some people find people who think they're just right. For the rainbows in the fountain spray...

Trois

I give thanks for being home on the sofa because after a bad night with pain I keep falling asleep today and the sofa is a better place to do this than in a taxi or on a busy hospital ward. I give thanks for a member of staff showing me my blood tesf results since I started treatment and assuring me all is fine and explaining, when I pointed out the decline in haemoglobin, that this was 'normal' on dialysis. Normal it may be, but nice it is not!

I give thanks for one of his colleagues explaining the extremely long drawn out and expensive process of booking a holiday away from base. I guess if I'm this tired I won't care anyway, but it was chastening to realise how hard it really would be on top of all the usual difficulties of not having a car or someone to relieve you of the burden of a single supplement. I give thanks for being forewarned though that it probably isn't going to happen...because I was beginning to think it would be nice to have something to look forward to. And for at least an intelligent conversation on the subject as the cab drivers weren't very satisfying in that regard... For the not very worthy pleasure of sniggering quietly at other exchanges overheard. Although the more or less permanent state of being indignant that seems to be the norm for so many people can be rather wearing when you have to respond, if you can just listen it can be wryly amusing.

I give thanks for easier escape via books and Netflix  offerings. For discovering Jane Austen took one of her holidays here. For a parcel from Ann with more reading material, a card and some toiletry treats.

Deux

I give thanks for a stay lady stay sort of day, once again not going anywhere. I had meant to go to gongs this evening but it was cancelled...and maybe do some local shopping in the morning but I was so slow to get moving there wasn't really enough time before Julie came to lay the the new-to-me rug for the French Quarter. I give thanks for her help and for how perfectly it fits the size of the space as well as the look and feel of it...

I give thanks for Kay's delicious vegan cakes, of which we shared a veritable feast and after which I had some more energy to do a bit more sorting out and finding homes for things. Nearly there with that part of moving in - mostly just need shelves to put things on, and possibly some hooks on the ceiling for hanging things though I'd need a giant to help me with that for sure! I give thanks in between feeling exhausted I have times of energy...and plenty of motivation for when they come around. For plenty of pleasant idle pursuits for when they don't...

I give thanks for a chap coming to replace the faulty window unit that was installed the other day. The downside of this being I now have to pay them and the DWP still haven't paid me the money they agree they will, let alone the amount they're still trying to wriggle out of! I give thanks I still have some savings to juggle around.

Un

Ouch! I give thanks for the bits of this that I caused myself through willful use of my muscles and joints. The bits that came with having to be on a horrid hospital bed for my treatment not so much... I couldn't so I give thanks for three hospital blankets though of course they're heavy cotton so you just become weighted down not cosy. A couple of members of staff were concerned I might be ill, or going down with something, as I looked pale, but I thought it was due to being in a draughty corner, in pain and with pale blue cloth wrapped around under my chin. They asked me some silly questions like 'Are you eating and drinking?' and took a blood test to see who was right, so I give thanks in anticipation of maybe some more intravenous iron which usually bucks me up a little

I give thanks for new things to try for lunch (see above). From the Tesco delivery yesterday I had Quorn 'chicken slices' for my sarnies, and mini sour cream and chive rice cakes on the side. The former was as you'd expect - quite pleasant and very practical... and the latter a most acceptable alternative to similarly flavoured potato crispy things. I've only ever had the little packs of caramel ones before - which are yummy but good to have a savoury sort too.

I give thanks for more practice at patience and tolerance dealing with taxi drivers, and a few folk on the ward. Some days I really am not in the mood for humans - and an extra eighteen hours or so a week in close proximity to them is taking quite a bit of adaptation and adjustment. I give thanks for a so far good French crime drama on Netflix to retreat into as far as possible in a bright busy and noisy environment.

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