Ochenta y nueve

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman... several times today being this one in fact! I can see the advantage of giving all your love to just one man if he'll move furniture for you and go up ladders in return! I give thanks for all the people who sometimes do this kind of thing for me and, as none of them have been available today, for doing it for myself in preparation for a professional decorator coming on Tuesday to do a whole lot more (I hope - two separate power companies have lied about engineers coming lately, to say nothing of a wind-up plumber!)

I give thanks for preparing myself as well as I could too, with an early night yesterday and a long lie in today. For some fairly good sleep in between despite not taking any special pills...For simple mealsFor my weary body making sure I don't make each session too long or vigorous with various pains and other symptoms, kicking in and forcing lots of rest...and for feeling that I'm nearly there, and that what is left should be easy enough to fit in between around my hospital trip tomorrow.

I give thanks for having the sense not to try to go anywhere apart from room to room. For seeing a few back garden fireworks the last couple of evenings, and a pretty crescent moon, with and without a wispy veil of cloud.

Ochenta y ocho

The forecasts for today were so dire I wondered whether I was at greater danger getting to the surgery for my flu jab and back or missing it - which as a feak and weeble is really not advised. So I (sort of) gave thanks for mild breezes, gentle showers and even some feak and weeble sun! I give thanks for a bus up the hill and for getting meds and milk, eggs etc on the way back. For some grocery bargains though they make the baggage more weighty, but not for the queueing and carrying as they really wear me out!

For an extended period of shut down/shut eye on my return to restore just enough power to catch another bus to my old home town to take advantage of the chance to shop for one in the greengrocers where you can get half a cauli or a quarter of a head of cabbage, or the health food shop where my chum shares things like bags of flour with me. And in case I'm suddenly catering for a crowd, for the jolly young man in Greg's deciding as ordinary sausage rolls were buy three get one free, the vegan ones would be too!

I give thanks for no aspirations to watch a firework display this evening as, delightful though I find them, I think even watching TV is going to be too much effort after all of the above. I'm very grateful for achieving more outdoors than I have done since the summer, but I give thanks for books, Netflix and cosy under the covers this evening instead. Oh and maybe a little nap before I begin...

Ochenta y siete

I give thanks I have lots of old glasses, as my regular ones became entangled in the throw while I was lounging around yesterday and they were under my feet when I stood up, snapping one arm clean off. None of the prescriptions on the others are quite right though they are OK for short periods of general use, plus I have my photochromic ones as an option until I can get to my overdue optician's visit. I give thanks for geekifying the broken ones with insulation tape and a splint made from a sliver trimmed from picture rail for when I'm home alone, as they're still the best ones for watching TV.

I give thanks for a passable day at the office, pleasant staff and drivers, and a side room so more relaxed. For being complimented on my attitude and manner. For a double helping of delicious dhal made yesterday, with rice, poppadoms and chutney. For the bath water heating up for a wallow - I slept very little last night and have a busy day tomorrow so I give thanks I can take it easy this evening

Ochenta y seis

I give thanks for a visit from Cathy who I've not seen for several months. For her offering to treat me to lunch  - always welcome though the suitable menu offerings round here tend to be rather limited and my brie and cranberry sandwich was so heavy on the cranberry I couldn't taste the cheese! For finding the cygnets she hasn't yet seen to ooh and aah over and for a wander around the shops together. Those who know me well will be aware this activity is not usually on my list of favourite pastimes but it's a fairly short main street and to be able to get as far as the health food shop and back without a rest on the way was another milestone passed.

There are a few rather swanky clothes shops here now (including one selling Joe Brown's...woohoo!) so we had a look in those, plus a rummage in the charity shops where I was grateful to find something more in my price bracket and hopefully loose enough around the arms to push up sleeves on treatment days. It's a bit of a challenge finding suitable clothes for a chilly mortal this time of year.

I give thanks for dodging the worst of the wet, and for water in the swollen brook leveling out enough to stop worrying about the other nesting swan. Most especially though, if rather selfishly, that the rain has been draining down the guttering and pipes and not coming through my walls!

I give thanks for a snoozy sofa based couple of hours afterwards my social excursion..and when in the kitchen for cooking again discovering you can not only freeze fresh ginger and turmeric root, you can grate it while frozen and put it back again too!

Ochenta y cinco

Almost all I've wanted to do today is sleep, so I give thanks for fitting in as much as I could of that. I give thanks the second most pressing urge has been to eat copious quantities of filling food - as this means my doziness is unlikely to be anything to worry about, just hibernation mode on a severely wet, windy and chilly day. I was going to say I give thanks for using the hospital's heating while I was there but I was in one of the cold seats by the giant units blowing out extremely fresh air so, although I must have felt the benefit of some warmth from somewhere else, I was also grateful for providing myself with a cashmere cardigan, a scarf and a little fleecy blanket.

I give thanks for Clive coming yesterday to put up the last bits of picture rail that can be used for now, and for a pleasant hour or two in his company. For him pointing out the pile of whipped up sea foam on the road and bottom of the brook... It's amazing how that happens sometimes! For imagining I might go up a ladder either this morning or tonight and apply a little filler on the joins and screws...  before painting... before the decorator chap comes next week. This was clearly a wild overestimation of my current potential powers, but hey ho - I'm grateful I did throw together a simple pasta dish before I left for treatment so all I had to do when I got home was heat it through

Ochenta y cuatro

I give thanks my back has now recovered from its mysterious episode to the extent I can curl up on the sofa or wallow in the bath. Much appreciated! Last night was more about tossing and turning in bed though and sitting by the front window watching the wall builders and their Swiss army knife vehicles. I find this fascinating as I can't see a lot of the work or hear their plans and am inordinately pleased when I work out what's going to happen next. I'm particularly fond of the pop up and down generator flood lights which the mobile cranes/diggers can carry along the seafront to where they're required. I rather like it when the cranes move in a close procession like stately metal dinosaurs too. I give thanks for knowing I'm not 'normal'...and not normally minding much at all!

Talking of which I give thanks for giving my new winter coat its first outing this very blustery afternoon. It's not billed as waterproof but has many layers so you wouldn't notice for a while, has delightful fleece lined pockets and, best of all, a big furry Nanook of the North hood which cuts down on both chill factor and potential eye contact! I went to the Co-op which is still a hive of activity but gradually getting sorted out. The veg section is still remarkably dire, but as aubergines are sited between plums and oranges I'm hoping this is a work in progress like the freezer cabinets which are still largely empty, but have a few astonishing bargains like 4 meal size smoked haddock fillets for £1.13 (sorry veggie chums) and for 73p sweet and sour noodles with edamame beans, bamboo shoots and sugar snap peas (which balances out the murder victims a bit!)

I've been mostly exhausted so I give thanks there's been quite a lot of lounging around today, despite the lounge being mostly displaced or under dustsheets as work progresses...or not! For being up a ladder briefly before accepting my place was curled up under a throw snoozing gently through something on TV. I give thanks for the stirring sight of the white waves rolling in as the strong winds blow from the east. They are so close together they look like almost like snow drifts, adding to the wintery feeling of the weather.

Ochenta y tres

Well today was quite a bit about cancer as I had to go and be poked about to see what's what in the lymph nodes that have been bothering the doctors for a while. I give thanks for my patience during long hours of waiting in various parts of the hospital, and for the patience of the doctor who kept hitting a nerve in my back which caused me to jerk (and yell) and wonder why I'm repeatedly told there isn't much feeling in the places where I can assure you there is! Maybe they study an anatomy that is different from mine, or perhaps they are in self-preserving denial about the pain they can cause, or maybe (as I suspect they suspect) I'm simply imagining that it hurts...

I give thanks the nurse who came to pat and reassure me before the next onslaught let me hold her hand. Opportunities for the comfort of physical contact are rare in my life and can be very welcome sometimes. Also for the one who would not have made me a cup of tea when I got back to the day case unit just going for her lunch in time for her stand in to produce one instead to go with my much needed lunch box invasion, and a little later, as I continued to munch on the dialysis ward (I took a double size packed lunch knowing I'd need it!) the lovely ward clerk I keep meeting doing cover work here and there offered me another one, not part of her duties I'm sure but much appreciated as they'd managed to get me a slot between two normal tea rounds. Two proper mugs of fresh made tea instead of one NHS cup from a big metal stewing pot was a lovely treat!

I give thanks I'd made sure I had a tidy flat and lots of leftovers for when I finally got home more than seven and a half hours after I left it. For so far feeling rather what will be will be about whatever the results of the tests are - I think a lot of things of course, but I give thanks for knowing my thoughts are probably best kept to myself at least until I know more, and maybe even then!

I give thanks for finally receiving the letter from the DWP explaining why they'd paid an extra three figure sum into my bank account the other day. It is the sum of the backdated small deductions they've been taking off my ESA in error since they reinstated the big part they stopped paying by mistake as well. Of course they may still decide to dock it again if some technical error means I pass my work assessment, and meanwhile the other department is still quite sure I'm only mildly and occasionally physically impaired and need only the slightest support...but I think I should buy myself presents!