I give thanks for many things today. For waking up early and able enough to get up and out and in a taxi to the station. For a very scenic train ride (it's a very scenic line anyway but the churning sea and misty views made it more so). For a comfy cross country train to do it on instead of the ratty old local ones. For Jared meeting me and taking me on the most splendidly wooded drive from Exeter to Lynmouth (via a tea shop of course!) and for a trip on the cliff railway and chips then right back home to my flat. For pretty views and tasty snacks and happy chatter. For the funny signs we saw where people had amusingly altered existing ones in non permanent ways like chalk or paper print-outs attached. For the different weather we encountered...driving through drizzle at first then rain and hill fog but mild and pleasant and even sunny when we were out of the car on the other side of the golden hedged moor so we could see across the (much calmer) sea to Wales... and for the way the different stages of colour change and leaf fall on the trees made it seem as if we were going through a medley of different seasons on 'shuffle'.
I'm grateful to be home again now...cwtched up on the sofa dozy and cosy. Nothing to do for now but rest and think about my happy day...
Monday, 31 October 2011
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Twenty five hours
I could do with giving that hour back now if it's OK with everyone else. In fact I could spare two or more because I can't believe it isn't bedtime yet! I've had a nap already...I fell asleep during the Indian Grand Prix...no reflection on the race and its new venue. It looked a very celebratory occasion despite the remembrance of those who died in recent racing accidents. I loved the Bollywood dancing and the jubilant Bahraini marshalls who came over to lend a hand after missing their own Grand Prix.
I've watched both Joanna Lumley and Stephen Fry traversing the Mediterranean aboard beautiful yachts and felt some envy but gratitude too for my own 'middle earth' ventures. If I didn't know what I was missing I wouldn't want to go back! I'm grateful for keeping on top of basic maintenance of feeding and cleaning and even a little curtain sewing too...
...wrote the above and ended up going for a trip out on Streetview. That used up an hour no probs, ha ha! I give thanks for...yes, you guessed, Streetview and for finding a pretty road I went on a few years ago. Hope to go again but it helps if you have the general idea where to start! And then I remembered I'd started making some little cakes and ought to go and finish so there's another half an hour gone...not long now and it'll be a respectable time to think about putting pajamas on again, thank goodness! Twenty five hours in a day is too much for me!
I've watched both Joanna Lumley and Stephen Fry traversing the Mediterranean aboard beautiful yachts and felt some envy but gratitude too for my own 'middle earth' ventures. If I didn't know what I was missing I wouldn't want to go back! I'm grateful for keeping on top of basic maintenance of feeding and cleaning and even a little curtain sewing too...
...wrote the above and ended up going for a trip out on Streetview. That used up an hour no probs, ha ha! I give thanks for...yes, you guessed, Streetview and for finding a pretty road I went on a few years ago. Hope to go again but it helps if you have the general idea where to start! And then I remembered I'd started making some little cakes and ought to go and finish so there's another half an hour gone...not long now and it'll be a respectable time to think about putting pajamas on again, thank goodness! Twenty five hours in a day is too much for me!
No one is watching
Consciously noting things for which one is grateful can apparently, over time, improve ones mood and sense of well being and optimism, but I think it was merely coincidence I felt downhearted last night after just once not listing things for which I give thanks. I think my trip down a musical memory lane left me rather stuck in a muddy puddle of emotions and I found myself missing old friends and wishing very much not to be alone...especially not home alone on a sofa on a Saturday night feeling feeble and unwell. Don't know why a Saturday night should feel worse than any other night but somehow it always does even if you're alone every other evening as well!
I give thanks for a lovely tea of leftover cauliflower cheese and coleslaw with roasted potatoes and cherry toms. For QIXL which made me laugh a little and a programme about truckers driving a road in the Himalayas called the Ledge that made me groan a lot. I give thanks for getting the day's chores done that I'd set myself including going out to post a letter at the end of the terrace (outdoors, woohoo!) and for double glazing to keep me snug inside. I'm grateful for the fireworks on my phone screen making up for missing the ones I heard outside. I'm grateful for a well timed email from Bob...a couple of months earlier would have been OK too but still especially good to hear from him when feeling lonesome and sad. He was getting ready to go out and get Sheffield dancing which is a fine thing to be doing on a Saturday night!
I give thanks for all the musicians and DJs who've ever got me to dance (it never took much) and for being someone who enjoyed dancing. Some people don',t you know...they shuffle from foot to foot and think of England like some people lie down and do! I've also met people who say they can't see the point of food and they'd rather just take a pill that contained their nutritional needs. What is that about for goodness sake? Anyway, I was looking for that quote about dancing like no one is watching and I found this page which some of you might enjoy...http://www.paradiseawaits.com/Dance.html...although it turns out there are several different versions of the saying and a search for images brings up some good ones!
I give gratitude to William Willetts for an extra hour in bed and for his descendant I used to work with who told me that I should and for the memory of a party I held this time of year about twenty years ago when at 02.00 with a great deal of glee we turned the clocks back so we could have some more!
I give thanks for a lovely tea of leftover cauliflower cheese and coleslaw with roasted potatoes and cherry toms. For QIXL which made me laugh a little and a programme about truckers driving a road in the Himalayas called the Ledge that made me groan a lot. I give thanks for getting the day's chores done that I'd set myself including going out to post a letter at the end of the terrace (outdoors, woohoo!) and for double glazing to keep me snug inside. I'm grateful for the fireworks on my phone screen making up for missing the ones I heard outside. I'm grateful for a well timed email from Bob...a couple of months earlier would have been OK too but still especially good to hear from him when feeling lonesome and sad. He was getting ready to go out and get Sheffield dancing which is a fine thing to be doing on a Saturday night!
I give thanks for all the musicians and DJs who've ever got me to dance (it never took much) and for being someone who enjoyed dancing. Some people don',t you know...they shuffle from foot to foot and think of England like some people lie down and do! I've also met people who say they can't see the point of food and they'd rather just take a pill that contained their nutritional needs. What is that about for goodness sake? Anyway, I was looking for that quote about dancing like no one is watching and I found this page which some of you might enjoy...http://www.paradiseawaits.com/Dance.html...although it turns out there are several different versions of the saying and a search for images brings up some good ones!
I give gratitude to William Willetts for an extra hour in bed and for his descendant I used to work with who told me that I should and for the memory of a party I held this time of year about twenty years ago when at 02.00 with a great deal of glee we turned the clocks back so we could have some more!
Saturday, 29 October 2011
Waxing lyrical
A few days back one of my daily gratitudes was for producing a son who contributed to other people’s pleasure through his various sorts of music making and included a link to him showing some of his circuit bending skills on Youtube. Well, a blog reader of mature years who had never ventured into Youtube land then became an ardent fan and was waxing lyrical about all the random vintage things he had searched for and found to great delight. And I thought...hmm...what would I search for from a long time ago? What have I not heard for so long that I’ve forgotten I might like to hear again? And then I remembered!
In my mid to late teens I knew several people who worked at a vinyl record pressing factory near where I lived in Mid-Wales. They’d come home with all sorts of things from their production line in plain white inner sleeves. I remember some comedy...though I don’t remember who it was by or whether it was funny - and a variety of music but one stood out from the rest and I managed to get someone to blag for me the real cardboard album cover. I had it for years and carried on loving it. It was called Ship to Shore and it was by Nigel Mazlyn Jones and it was quite folky but had layered and bent sounds that I occasionally tried to copy with a borrowed pick up, amp and phaser. I didn’t know anything about the chap who made it and in those far off internet free days of you didn’t know something like that it stayed unknown. Then one day when I was six months pregnant I spotted a little poster somewhere saying someone with this very name was playing a gig in a town not far away. I can’t remember the exact details of getting there but I know it involved snow, a broken down van and having to borrowing some men’s trousers to fit over my bump! There were a bunch of us went and none of us could imagine how he would sound the same live as he had in the studio as no backing band was mentioned and there were so many noises he had to make.
Well, it was an eye opened for the small town folk scene of the late seventies as, as well as a selection of guitars he had lots of boxes and boards with knobs and switches on which he somehow managed to operate with a twitch of the hand or foot. Basically he could take pretty much all the funny sound making around where ever he went! That doesn’t seem so strange now but the time it was jaw dropping I can tell you...
So the years have gone by, and my bump turned into a person who makes interesting noises with knobs and switches and plays gigs himself. My record collection and turntable and the people I knew from my youth went in a separate direction at some point so I kind of forgot about Ship to Shore. But this morning I looked and of course found that Nigel Mazlyn Jones has kept right on doing his utterly brilliant stuff but also, here and there, amongst all these videos of mature versions of the skinny dude with the beard from the original album singing mature versions of the songs...were some of the original ones. They made me cry mostly in a good way...it felt like I was rediscovering an old friend and made me want to hear some more and I found there’s a CD available from his website with all of them and some previously unheard material. Guess what I’m having as an early Christmas present? Oh poo, I used the C word. I’m sorry!
Anyway, I’ve not listed a minimum of five things for which I’m truly grateful today because I’m grateful for tons and I’m tired and need my tea. It can be a little Saturday evening puzzle for you...guessing what I might have said!
In my mid to late teens I knew several people who worked at a vinyl record pressing factory near where I lived in Mid-Wales. They’d come home with all sorts of things from their production line in plain white inner sleeves. I remember some comedy...though I don’t remember who it was by or whether it was funny - and a variety of music but one stood out from the rest and I managed to get someone to blag for me the real cardboard album cover. I had it for years and carried on loving it. It was called Ship to Shore and it was by Nigel Mazlyn Jones and it was quite folky but had layered and bent sounds that I occasionally tried to copy with a borrowed pick up, amp and phaser. I didn’t know anything about the chap who made it and in those far off internet free days of you didn’t know something like that it stayed unknown. Then one day when I was six months pregnant I spotted a little poster somewhere saying someone with this very name was playing a gig in a town not far away. I can’t remember the exact details of getting there but I know it involved snow, a broken down van and having to borrowing some men’s trousers to fit over my bump! There were a bunch of us went and none of us could imagine how he would sound the same live as he had in the studio as no backing band was mentioned and there were so many noises he had to make.
Well, it was an eye opened for the small town folk scene of the late seventies as, as well as a selection of guitars he had lots of boxes and boards with knobs and switches on which he somehow managed to operate with a twitch of the hand or foot. Basically he could take pretty much all the funny sound making around where ever he went! That doesn’t seem so strange now but the time it was jaw dropping I can tell you...
So the years have gone by, and my bump turned into a person who makes interesting noises with knobs and switches and plays gigs himself. My record collection and turntable and the people I knew from my youth went in a separate direction at some point so I kind of forgot about Ship to Shore. But this morning I looked and of course found that Nigel Mazlyn Jones has kept right on doing his utterly brilliant stuff but also, here and there, amongst all these videos of mature versions of the skinny dude with the beard from the original album singing mature versions of the songs...were some of the original ones. They made me cry mostly in a good way...it felt like I was rediscovering an old friend and made me want to hear some more and I found there’s a CD available from his website with all of them and some previously unheard material. Guess what I’m having as an early Christmas present? Oh poo, I used the C word. I’m sorry!
Anyway, I’ve not listed a minimum of five things for which I’m truly grateful today because I’m grateful for tons and I’m tired and need my tea. It can be a little Saturday evening puzzle for you...guessing what I might have said!
Friday, 28 October 2011
Meant to be
Brrr! Going to be a nippy night I reckon but wasn't it a glorious day? I give thanks for a drive out in the sunny autumn countryside, a few miles' hike on the coast path and a delicious lunch in a pub with a splendid view. I give thanks for these even though they didn't actually happen to me, well not today anyhow! They were things I would have enjoyed when I was well and even more so with a like minded soul but hey ho...imagination's a wonderful thing! I give gratitude for all the happy scenarios it still conjures up for me...
I give thanks for sewing a little more of my curtains. It's getting to the time of year when drawing them closed of an evening would feel cosy so I must press on but want other things finished too so I did a bit of work on the skirting board too. I give thanks for the tasty coleslaw I made for my tea. I haven't made coleslaw for years but I had a real yen for some yesterday and there was a little hunk of white cabbage waiting in the veg shop so I knew it was meant to be! I give thanks for paracetamol, a snuggly throw and an old episode of CSI which is all I'm fit for now.
I give thanks for sewing a little more of my curtains. It's getting to the time of year when drawing them closed of an evening would feel cosy so I must press on but want other things finished too so I did a bit of work on the skirting board too. I give thanks for the tasty coleslaw I made for my tea. I haven't made coleslaw for years but I had a real yen for some yesterday and there was a little hunk of white cabbage waiting in the veg shop so I knew it was meant to be! I give thanks for paracetamol, a snuggly throw and an old episode of CSI which is all I'm fit for now.
Enlightened
This is the dawning of the day of Aquarius (my birthday's in February, I can say stuff like that!). I only really see dawns in winter, in summer a) they happen in what my body tells me is the middle of the night and b) they happen out of sight of my bedroom window unless I lean out at a very dangerous angle. I've never lived anywhere where the shortening and lengthening of the days is demonstrated as clearly as checking the time on a clock...well without actually looking at a clock. It was the price and the sight of the sea that made me want to buy the place but I'd have forked out another grand or two for the combination of orientation and elevation with the lie of the land if someone had pointed it out to me. I hope it's an enlightened estate agent sells this place next time around!
I give thanks for all of the above and below! For sensing from the quality of light in my curtain closed room that it would be worth heaving myself semi upright to look outside. For then being so entranced that I actually moved around to find a camera and open the window as wide as it would go. I love the feel of the air at that time of day and the sounds of the birds and the world waking up. I give thanks that as a result I'm up and dressed and attending to business before the day's in double figures...and now I'd better attend to some more before the shock hits my system and I have to have a morning nap!
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Pause for thoughts
After a slow motion morning I finally made it down to town in time for my acupuncture session (the day has changed from Tuesday) and thanks to that I felt up to a little zap round the shops afterwards. Gratitude that the torrential rain had stopped and for the freshness in the air. Gratitude for Rachel's restoration and for finding a couple of good books in the Sue Ryder shop. Well they looked good from their covers anyhow!
I went to our quaint old fashioned non-chain fruit and veg shop and while I was there suddenly remembered I'd a cauliflower in the fridge so thought I'd best rush home and cook it with some cheese sauce before the inclination and energy drained away.
But first I had to look at the sea...it's been hurling itself at the land all week and there's debris all along the promenade. There were some good rolling waves for the surfers and a fine mist of spray all along the edge of the land.
And now I'm home and the cauliflower cheese is made and a little of it eaten and I give thanks for that but now have a great need to rest again. I just started to watch something on TV and realised if I did I would never get this written. So I give thanks for the pause button once again and for the subject of the programme paused - the glorious Natural History Museum in London. Never mind the natural history...I love the building itself!
But first I had to look at the sea...it's been hurling itself at the land all week and there's debris all along the promenade. There were some good rolling waves for the surfers and a fine mist of spray all along the edge of the land.
And now I'm home and the cauliflower cheese is made and a little of it eaten and I give thanks for that but now have a great need to rest again. I just started to watch something on TV and realised if I did I would never get this written. So I give thanks for the pause button once again and for the subject of the programme paused - the glorious Natural History Museum in London. Never mind the natural history...I love the building itself!
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Tonight's delights
Well, it wasn't curtains...it was skirting and a bit of picture rail! I give thanks for another step forward and for having a nap and getting up again so that it could happen. I give thanks to the good GP for sending me some info regarding the problem he's found and a prescription for something to help until I see a someone who knows more. I give thanks for eating a little more food today and for enjoying it more.
I give thanks for the unusual colours of the sea from my window...pale green with purple coloured patches! And for the pink clouds after sundown but west north westish - nowhere near where it sank behind the hills. I give thanks for some excellent firework wallpaper I downloaded for my phone - silent but the most realistic images I've found with clouds and stars and smoke trails as well as all kinds of rockets exploding in all kinds of ways. I give thanks for the wonderful photographs on Dark Roasted Blend...Art Nouveau furniture and architecture catching my eye today. I give thanks for the beautiful building they used for a priory on tonight's Midsomer Murders...don't know if it really is but the enormous gates with a little grille window to open suggest it might have been sometime. And I give thanks for being snug inside listening to the rain beating on my double glazed windows!
I give thanks for the unusual colours of the sea from my window...pale green with purple coloured patches! And for the pink clouds after sundown but west north westish - nowhere near where it sank behind the hills. I give thanks for some excellent firework wallpaper I downloaded for my phone - silent but the most realistic images I've found with clouds and stars and smoke trails as well as all kinds of rockets exploding in all kinds of ways. I give thanks for the wonderful photographs on Dark Roasted Blend...Art Nouveau furniture and architecture catching my eye today. I give thanks for the beautiful building they used for a priory on tonight's Midsomer Murders...don't know if it really is but the enormous gates with a little grille window to open suggest it might have been sometime. And I give thanks for being snug inside listening to the rain beating on my double glazed windows!
Is it curtains for me?
Yay! I got up and dressed...scraped and sanded a couple of feet of skirting board, made something to eat and ate it! Good eh? Can I go back to bed now, please? Guess not but time for a rest again and then hopefully I'll get another couple of feet scraped and sanded and a coat of undercoat on. That was my project for today - to get a bit more undercoated because I feel a deep need for the decorating to be finished and even though I now work as effectively as an elf in mittens every tiny bit I do is a bit less to be done. If I can't manage another stint I might try a stitch of curtains. The curtains are the nicest job for me at the moment because they are mostly done sitting down and don't need as much muscle power as the other jobs...
Here is the work in progress hung up to check the length. I've done a bit more on the one you see since then and the other has been begun. It's only attaching pieces of fabric and ribbon to plain curtains but like taking away pieces from a stone block that aren't a statue they do have to be the right bits in the right place!
I give thanks for what I've achieved, for finding and assessing reserves of stamina and strength and for knowing when to keep going and when to keel over! I give thanks to Laura for taking me to Trago to choose the fabric and to finding the ribbon I wanted in our little sewing shop here and on line. I give thanks for remembering an early edition of Crimewatch I was watching at home with my mum and her saying no one would own up to owning the curtain the body was wrapped in as the sewing was so bad! And also for remembering sitting in a quiet little country pub not far from here one evening with a young friend and his phone going and hearing him exclaim 'On TV? Now? Are you joking...I'm on Crimewatch?' Some sidelong glances from those around followed that as you can imagine, but he was just an innocent member of a crowd that the camera happened to pan across slow enougn and close enough to be instantly recognisable to anyone who knew him! I also give thanks for dreams...I've been waking up several times in recent nights so get a whole range of trips into my subconscious mind. It's like having random films on shuffle - comedy, horror, romance, fantasy...who knows what's coming next? Bit like life itself really...
I give thanks for what I've achieved, for finding and assessing reserves of stamina and strength and for knowing when to keep going and when to keel over! I give thanks to Laura for taking me to Trago to choose the fabric and to finding the ribbon I wanted in our little sewing shop here and on line. I give thanks for remembering an early edition of Crimewatch I was watching at home with my mum and her saying no one would own up to owning the curtain the body was wrapped in as the sewing was so bad! And also for remembering sitting in a quiet little country pub not far from here one evening with a young friend and his phone going and hearing him exclaim 'On TV? Now? Are you joking...I'm on Crimewatch?' Some sidelong glances from those around followed that as you can imagine, but he was just an innocent member of a crowd that the camera happened to pan across slow enougn and close enough to be instantly recognisable to anyone who knew him! I also give thanks for dreams...I've been waking up several times in recent nights so get a whole range of trips into my subconscious mind. It's like having random films on shuffle - comedy, horror, romance, fantasy...who knows what's coming next? Bit like life itself really...
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Seeing the wood and the trees
Well I went with my friend in the car to the shops and had a hot chocolate and cake in a cafe that used to be an upmarket pharmacy and still has lots of the original wood and glass fittings, little drawers and old potion bottles and a mosaic floor! In the display cabinets they have an amazing collection of china especially novelty tea pots so it's a bit like going to a museum for a snack. It's where Ann and Anton had lunch when practising for last year's Strictly if that means anything to you! Up the road we popped into the local branch of Lloyds TSB bank still with many stunning old features too including a mighty carved inner door surround and an amazingly ornate plastered ceiling. Seriously, this was stately home style ornate...or maybe Las Vegas casino! I'll take a picture if I'm ever that way again. I give gratitude for living in such variously favoured part of the country. There's always new things to see, or things to see anew.
I give thanks for the weather today...sunny and pleasant this morning while we were out and dark and rainy this afternoon - ideal for practising my relaxation skills, ha ha! For a while there was no wind and the rain was just falling ramrod straight but then the tree branches outside my window began to wave about as the breeze got up again. Then gradually this changed too and the late afternoon sun lit up the sides of the leaves making those just turning autumn yellow seem a fresh spring green. I give thanks for being able to stay inside mostly horizontal and watch as it all passes by! I occasionally watched the inside of my eyelids and also Stephen Fry chat in English to a very lucid Chinese gentleman precisely twice my age ie 106! How amazing is that?
I give thanks for the weather today...sunny and pleasant this morning while we were out and dark and rainy this afternoon - ideal for practising my relaxation skills, ha ha! For a while there was no wind and the rain was just falling ramrod straight but then the tree branches outside my window began to wave about as the breeze got up again. Then gradually this changed too and the late afternoon sun lit up the sides of the leaves making those just turning autumn yellow seem a fresh spring green. I give thanks for being able to stay inside mostly horizontal and watch as it all passes by! I occasionally watched the inside of my eyelids and also Stephen Fry chat in English to a very lucid Chinese gentleman precisely twice my age ie 106! How amazing is that?
Lightweight
Good morning Jack and Juanita, it was lovely to hear from you both and I will reply soon. I also express my gratitude to Jared for the offer of a drive out somewhere next week except he doesn't read my blog very often so I'm expressing it as as a gratitude not a thanks, ha ha! I must remember to actually express acceptance to him. I've also got the offer of a lift to a neighbouring town this morning, just a quick trip to get some crafty bits...I'm grateful for this but not yet sure I can get my lazy bits out of bed! I have never in my life felt so keen to be idle for so long...it's not just the flesh that's getting weak, it's the mind and motivation. The spirit's still strong though. I am actively enjoying being inactive if that makes any sense...certainly not beating myself up about things that remain undone. The good doctor has thought to test me for parathyroid problems which apparently follow on from CKD. Well, I didn't know I even had parathyroid glands and have only recently realised that I'm classed as having CKD. I hope I don't become one of those people who go on about illness all the time. I need my energy for other things!
I give thanks for my feather and down duvet. In the summer I have a lightweight one made of polyester but it's not the same. I know I could get a natural filled summer one but seems a bit of an unnecessary investment. I'm grateful I managed to get the big one out from under my bed! I'm grateful it's a sunny morning with just a light breeze. The person who's going to drive to town is not a fan of wind and rain!
I give thanks for my feather and down duvet. In the summer I have a lightweight one made of polyester but it's not the same. I know I could get a natural filled summer one but seems a bit of an unnecessary investment. I'm grateful I managed to get the big one out from under my bed! I'm grateful it's a sunny morning with just a light breeze. The person who's going to drive to town is not a fan of wind and rain!
Monday, 24 October 2011
Calm after the storm
What a great stormy day we've had here today...I love the sound of rain lashing window panes and the background roar of the churning sea. Hours and hours it went on and just when I thought it would never let up the wind quite suddenly dropped and the rain eased off and it became a damp and drippy but pretty evening...clear blue sky emerging in the west and deepening peachy clouds overhead with the dark grey storm clouds still on the eastern horizon.
I give much thanks to Laura for a few hours with scraper and sandpaper and paint pots and for the pleasure of her company. I'm grateful for making some progress on the curtains, mostly tacking as the curtain and I could stay on the sofa out of the way. I give thanks for getting up and doing a few little diy chores myself eventually. I'm grateful to Dr Galli for calling and continuing to be 'on my case'. I give thanks for a ready meal to put in the oven and a bit of an appetite to eat it. I give thanks for leeks, one of the most delicious veggies ever and I give thanks for all the interesting weather!
I give much thanks to Laura for a few hours with scraper and sandpaper and paint pots and for the pleasure of her company. I'm grateful for making some progress on the curtains, mostly tacking as the curtain and I could stay on the sofa out of the way. I give thanks for getting up and doing a few little diy chores myself eventually. I'm grateful to Dr Galli for calling and continuing to be 'on my case'. I give thanks for a ready meal to put in the oven and a bit of an appetite to eat it. I give thanks for leeks, one of the most delicious veggies ever and I give thanks for all the interesting weather!
Sunday, 23 October 2011
Masala
I decided to keep it simple today...well my body decided, my brain seems to be in a semi stupor most of the time and happy to comply. To do list contains the following: get up (tick), strip bed (tick), do ironing (half tick), remake bed and get back in it. Wish me luck, I'm learning a new skill too - ironing sitting down. Just practising the sitting down bit at the moment, ha ha!
Looked to see if there was anything on TV and saw something later that reminded me of the story I never finished in the post called 'What's his name'. Here goes: When I lived in Wales I used to sometimes stay with a man in London who had two flatmates with a wide range of friends popping in or out. Sometimes they stayed too and I once spent a day with another visitor while the others were out at work. She was called Sarita and she'd just been for an interview as a production assistant or something on a film set. She didn't get the job but she was offered a part in the film and I remember she seemed a little ambivalent about this...She took it though and though I never met get again I occasionally heard news she was doing well and although there'd been some holdups with the first film she'd been offered a part in another.
Anyway, a couple of years later...some time early 90s...the man from London was visiting me with his kids one weekend. Can't remember what we were watching on TV but there were interviews and music and stuff and we were all pottering about in the kitchen while it was on. There was a piece about the paparazzi and to my utter astonishment I realised the Sun paper's top chap for a celebrity snap was 'Big' Dave someone I was at art college with before I left to have Bob. So I was all OMG-ing though we didn't abbreviate it then and then a little later there was an item about the new film Sarita was in. Denzel Washington, her co-star was being interviewed and saying how brilliant she was. So we were all OMG-ing then, ha ha!
Anyway, her first movie - the one that took a long time to make is on tonight - Kama Sutra. The second one was Mississippi Masala...and Dave's first big break came with a tour with Men at Work but how bizarre that they should both be on TV within such a short space of time. I don't know THAT many people with a claim to fame!
Well I'm off to have another go at the ironing. I'm grateful for a warm enough day to have the windows open, for the smell of hot cotton and the sounds of the breakers and the wind in the trees. I'm grateful for my iron and my washing machine and electricity and memories. And I give huge thanks to the miracle that is the internet that entertains and informs us so much. I was looking up something the other day and the page was slow to load and it dawned on me how lucky we are to have it and how much we take it for granted now.
Looked to see if there was anything on TV and saw something later that reminded me of the story I never finished in the post called 'What's his name'. Here goes: When I lived in Wales I used to sometimes stay with a man in London who had two flatmates with a wide range of friends popping in or out. Sometimes they stayed too and I once spent a day with another visitor while the others were out at work. She was called Sarita and she'd just been for an interview as a production assistant or something on a film set. She didn't get the job but she was offered a part in the film and I remember she seemed a little ambivalent about this...She took it though and though I never met get again I occasionally heard news she was doing well and although there'd been some holdups with the first film she'd been offered a part in another.
Anyway, a couple of years later...some time early 90s...the man from London was visiting me with his kids one weekend. Can't remember what we were watching on TV but there were interviews and music and stuff and we were all pottering about in the kitchen while it was on. There was a piece about the paparazzi and to my utter astonishment I realised the Sun paper's top chap for a celebrity snap was 'Big' Dave someone I was at art college with before I left to have Bob. So I was all OMG-ing though we didn't abbreviate it then and then a little later there was an item about the new film Sarita was in. Denzel Washington, her co-star was being interviewed and saying how brilliant she was. So we were all OMG-ing then, ha ha!
Anyway, her first movie - the one that took a long time to make is on tonight - Kama Sutra. The second one was Mississippi Masala...and Dave's first big break came with a tour with Men at Work but how bizarre that they should both be on TV within such a short space of time. I don't know THAT many people with a claim to fame!
Well I'm off to have another go at the ironing. I'm grateful for a warm enough day to have the windows open, for the smell of hot cotton and the sounds of the breakers and the wind in the trees. I'm grateful for my iron and my washing machine and electricity and memories. And I give huge thanks to the miracle that is the internet that entertains and informs us so much. I was looking up something the other day and the page was slow to load and it dawned on me how lucky we are to have it and how much we take it for granted now.
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Wave to me
I did it...I went out! The sun was still shining then but the wind was strengthening. The tide had just turned and the waves were hitting the sea wall with plumes of spray...and then they bounced back and hit the waves behind with another explosion of foam. Lots of people taking pictures, some very seriously others just snapping with big grins like me. I thought after doh...I could have captured this in motion!
Never mind...I’m sure you get the idea...
It wasn't the most spectacular I've ever seen it - sometimes it's not just walkers on the sea wall that get wet but passengers on trains if the windows are left open - but still impressive for a quite a sunny and mild afternoon. And then it began to get dramatically dark...
I love this image with the sun's rays and haze of spray. When I was little we had a children's Bible with black and white drawings and slanting rays of light through cloud onto sea always remind me of the illustration for the spirit of God moving upon the waters.
Very grateful I managed to get out and see it and take my mind off the bits that hurt and the bits that don't work...and also that I worked up, well, not exactly an appetite but a willingness to eat. I give thanks that I washed up too, and cleaned up a bit in the kitchen so I could see the surfaces of the work surfaces again. Resting on the sofa afterwards I watched highlights from last year's Great British Bake Off. I loved the marquee kitchen they moved around the country with the different coloured work stations and vintage styled appliances. Gratitude for being reminded of that and for finding out how well some of the contestants have done. Anyway...it seems to have taken me about a year and a half to write this and put the images in so finally I give thanks that I'm finally stopping now! Hope you're all doing OK
Never mind...I’m sure you get the idea...
I love this image with the sun's rays and haze of spray. When I was little we had a children's Bible with black and white drawings and slanting rays of light through cloud onto sea always remind me of the illustration for the spirit of God moving upon the waters.
Very grateful I managed to get out and see it and take my mind off the bits that hurt and the bits that don't work...and also that I worked up, well, not exactly an appetite but a willingness to eat. I give thanks that I washed up too, and cleaned up a bit in the kitchen so I could see the surfaces of the work surfaces again. Resting on the sofa afterwards I watched highlights from last year's Great British Bake Off. I loved the marquee kitchen they moved around the country with the different coloured work stations and vintage styled appliances. Gratitude for being reminded of that and for finding out how well some of the contestants have done. Anyway...it seems to have taken me about a year and a half to write this and put the images in so finally I give thanks that I'm finally stopping now! Hope you're all doing OK
Fitting
I failed to do myself justice yesterday...I forgot to say I turned up a pair of jeans as well. The idea was I'd go out this morning wearing them but ask me again about that this afternoon, ha ha! I give thanks for finding a suitably constructed pair to comfortably cover the Heath Robinson contraception that is a nephrostomy drainage system. As far as I know all the other ostomies are designed to sit as compactly as possible against the body and to contain what they're collecting in a sealed environment. Not so the nephrostomy. It is dangling arrangement of tubes and wires that of different sizes with cumbersome connections like small space stations that have to be covered with dressings to protect your skin from gouges. The set up you leave hospital with is composed of parts from different bodily drainage systems and you have to tape up the join to *try* and keep it leakproof but I've managed to get hold of a purpose built kit now which is a vast improvement. It's never particularly comfortable or user friendly though as you have to try and keep it all supported and untangled all of the time because it's attached internally to very delicate organ. Having said all this, there are advantages in by-passing the ruins of my own original internal system so I am grateful for those!
I'm also grateful to Bill Bryon for telling me that the word 'comfortable' was used only in the sense console-able until (pause to look it up) the latter part of the eighteenth century. This seems very fitting to me as I derive considerable consolation from physical ease... I think most of us do now we are lucky enough to have access to so much more of it than our ancestors and for those for whom the comfort of friendly physical contact with other beings is a rarity it is a poor but plausible substitute to have furnishings and clothes that seem to hug or stroke you.
I'm also grateful for my bed. Not the sheets and duvets and stuff this time but the very pretty cream and brass colored frame. I was just lying here admiring the fan shell shapes where the uprights at the head and foot meet the curve of the bit between the posts. We often spend a long time choosing this or that thing for our home and then after a while we get used to it and forget to notice all the things that made us go - Yes, that's the one! - in the first place. This one is very light looking which is especially good in a small bedroom as the one I had when I bought this bed was bigger. Although I've bought mattresses and futons and sofa beds in the past and a number of things for Bob to sleep in or on as he grew, this was the only the second 'real' bed I'd ever bought for myself...the first, a single boxy wooden affair with drawers is my 'sofa' in my living
room. I'm grateful for that too and may move to it later even if I don't make it to the great outdoors.
I'm also grateful to Bill Bryon for telling me that the word 'comfortable' was used only in the sense console-able until (pause to look it up) the latter part of the eighteenth century. This seems very fitting to me as I derive considerable consolation from physical ease... I think most of us do now we are lucky enough to have access to so much more of it than our ancestors and for those for whom the comfort of friendly physical contact with other beings is a rarity it is a poor but plausible substitute to have furnishings and clothes that seem to hug or stroke you.
I'm also grateful for my bed. Not the sheets and duvets and stuff this time but the very pretty cream and brass colored frame. I was just lying here admiring the fan shell shapes where the uprights at the head and foot meet the curve of the bit between the posts. We often spend a long time choosing this or that thing for our home and then after a while we get used to it and forget to notice all the things that made us go - Yes, that's the one! - in the first place. This one is very light looking which is especially good in a small bedroom as the one I had when I bought this bed was bigger. Although I've bought mattresses and futons and sofa beds in the past and a number of things for Bob to sleep in or on as he grew, this was the only the second 'real' bed I'd ever bought for myself...the first, a single boxy wooden affair with drawers is my 'sofa' in my living
room. I'm grateful for that too and may move to it later even if I don't make it to the great outdoors.
Friday, 21 October 2011
Little and rarely
Just woken up from my evening nap. This is not to be confused with my lunchtime one
which I took after putting a coat of eggshell on a couple of metres of architrave. I actually went back to bed for that one as it seemed a better idea than sitting in a chilly room with windows open waiting for paint to dry! Well...it had been a busy morning - I'd done the washing up as well! This afternoon I put the clean dishes and pans away, reheated and ate some of the food I'd made for my evening meal yesterday but hadn't even tasted, sewed one strip of ribbon across one curtain and settled down for rest number two on the sofa. I plan to stay awake now til bed time in, ooh I don't know, about 30 mins from now? Seems reasonable to me!
I give thanks for having the opportunity to sleep when sleep's required...and the tranquillity of mind. I've always been such a busy active person I'm astonished how easily I'm slipping into couch potato status these days. I give thanks for each of the two little bits of room makeover progress I managed to get done and for the delicious food I made and ate... for the glow of turning leaves against a lead grey sky. And for glimpses on the BBC website from a new book of photographs of dry stone walls around the world...there's a few on Amazon too but the book itself's not out yet. I am deeply tempted to pre order despite the price. Dry stone walls are one of my favourite things...ever...and these are very good photographs by the look of it. I was making little involuntary mmms of delight out loud at the images! If I'm going to spend so much of my time going nowhere now maybe I should treat myself to some picture books...one on Gaudi's work would be good too. Hmm...we'll see.
which I took after putting a coat of eggshell on a couple of metres of architrave. I actually went back to bed for that one as it seemed a better idea than sitting in a chilly room with windows open waiting for paint to dry! Well...it had been a busy morning - I'd done the washing up as well! This afternoon I put the clean dishes and pans away, reheated and ate some of the food I'd made for my evening meal yesterday but hadn't even tasted, sewed one strip of ribbon across one curtain and settled down for rest number two on the sofa. I plan to stay awake now til bed time in, ooh I don't know, about 30 mins from now? Seems reasonable to me!
I give thanks for having the opportunity to sleep when sleep's required...and the tranquillity of mind. I've always been such a busy active person I'm astonished how easily I'm slipping into couch potato status these days. I give thanks for each of the two little bits of room makeover progress I managed to get done and for the delicious food I made and ate... for the glow of turning leaves against a lead grey sky. And for glimpses on the BBC website from a new book of photographs of dry stone walls around the world...there's a few on Amazon too but the book itself's not out yet. I am deeply tempted to pre order despite the price. Dry stone walls are one of my favourite things...ever...and these are very good photographs by the look of it. I was making little involuntary mmms of delight out loud at the images! If I'm going to spend so much of my time going nowhere now maybe I should treat myself to some picture books...one on Gaudi's work would be good too. Hmm...we'll see.
One door closes
I'm still here...appreciating the good things, pollyanna-ing what might be seen as bad. It's been a mostly cloudy morning here, and just a few slivers of sunrise gold made it through the gaps but before that there was a pretty pink light coming through the gap in the curtains which made me open them and look. I give thanks for being awake and noticing!
Yesterday was a strange day and I took the evening off to assimilate and regroup. I was waiting for my Tesco delivery when the phone rang (I have no doorbell so this is the normal way of getting my attention) and it was a large delivery of 'surgical supplies' (you don't want to know!). So I stomped down to get them and stumbled back up and the chemist's delivery man kindly said he'd shut the downstairs door as my hands were full. I wasn't looking forward to going back down to meet Mr Tesco but the next thing that happened was a knocking on my flat door and a ringing on my phone and there he was with a stack of boxes! I didn't know whether to be relieved at a trip saved or annoyed at the first chap's poor grasp of security...but the Tesco man said it was my downstairs neighbour had let him in on her way out. I thought it had been him phoning but the phone rang again and it was under all the items on the sofa (I nearly wrote 'cans and packets' but of
course it was under a pile of organic fresh fruit and veg, whole grains etc etc!) and it took a while to get to it. And when I did it was the good GP with the results of my blood tests and urine tests (not brilliant) and an outline of his next cunning plan...and asking if I’d heard about the MRI. And then there was a call from the hospital about the MRI.
A funny thing happens to you when you’ve already had a diagnosis of cancer...anything that doesn’t feel right makes you wonder if you’ve got some more. Of course sometimes nothing is wrong at all but I’ve always thought it’s funny that we tend to forget there’s a lot of other horrible things you can have the matter with you! I’ve known people with early stage MS and MND and frankly wouldn’t want to swap knowing what they have to look forward to...and you know what? The real bummer is that you can have more than one horrible thing at once! So, although I couldn’t understand the details due to her accent and turn of phrase, I could tell the registrar was more jubilant than I was about the scan apparently showing nothing ‘recent’ in my brain (she was a bit vague as to what archaeological remains there were) because this means something else horrible is causing the symptoms and it’s back to the drawing board and hopefully the neurologist ...and the urologist and ‘anyone else who knows me’ as they say.
If it gets to the stage when a neurologist thinks you might have a brain tumour then whatever you have got isn’t an over active imagination but if all the symptoms pointed to that what else could it be? Probably a combination of things, with the first in the dock being my ever weakening solitary kidney which we’ve all come to take a bit for granted now as it hasn’t tried to kill me quickly for a while. Once your kidney function drops below a certain level it can have a knock on effect in all other parts of the body causing lots of other things that can finish you off and make you feel quite rubbish beforehand even if you don’t have extra diseases elsewhere.
Anyway, whatever...I’m most exultantly grateful I don’t have to worry whether to have radiotherapy or not or which oncologist I have to see! I’m actually quite grateful that they’ve found my anaemia is coming back because if it gets really bad they might give me another blood transfusion and this is lush...well afterwards anyway when your whole body feels alive again for a while and you bound around like Zebedee on amphetamines! I’m also grateful that having one GP on the case for a while means some concurrence with my suspicion that the problem isn’t that I keep getting infections in my urinary system but they keep failing to cure the same one (I know this isn’t actually good news but at least I don’t feel like it’s all my fault). And to get back to my preferred non-medical topics...I give thanks to Laura my ‘painter and decorator’ for hanging a few drops of lining paper and putting the first coat of eggshell on the inner sides of the living room doors and to myself for choosing (as usual – smug bitch) such totally spiffing colours! I also give thanks for a very entertaining episode of Beauty and the Geek Australia last night where the beauties had to make birdman machines for the Geeks to ‘fly’ into Darling harbour...
Yesterday was a strange day and I took the evening off to assimilate and regroup. I was waiting for my Tesco delivery when the phone rang (I have no doorbell so this is the normal way of getting my attention) and it was a large delivery of 'surgical supplies' (you don't want to know!). So I stomped down to get them and stumbled back up and the chemist's delivery man kindly said he'd shut the downstairs door as my hands were full. I wasn't looking forward to going back down to meet Mr Tesco but the next thing that happened was a knocking on my flat door and a ringing on my phone and there he was with a stack of boxes! I didn't know whether to be relieved at a trip saved or annoyed at the first chap's poor grasp of security...but the Tesco man said it was my downstairs neighbour had let him in on her way out. I thought it had been him phoning but the phone rang again and it was under all the items on the sofa (I nearly wrote 'cans and packets' but of
course it was under a pile of organic fresh fruit and veg, whole grains etc etc!) and it took a while to get to it. And when I did it was the good GP with the results of my blood tests and urine tests (not brilliant) and an outline of his next cunning plan...and asking if I’d heard about the MRI. And then there was a call from the hospital about the MRI.
A funny thing happens to you when you’ve already had a diagnosis of cancer...anything that doesn’t feel right makes you wonder if you’ve got some more. Of course sometimes nothing is wrong at all but I’ve always thought it’s funny that we tend to forget there’s a lot of other horrible things you can have the matter with you! I’ve known people with early stage MS and MND and frankly wouldn’t want to swap knowing what they have to look forward to...and you know what? The real bummer is that you can have more than one horrible thing at once! So, although I couldn’t understand the details due to her accent and turn of phrase, I could tell the registrar was more jubilant than I was about the scan apparently showing nothing ‘recent’ in my brain (she was a bit vague as to what archaeological remains there were) because this means something else horrible is causing the symptoms and it’s back to the drawing board and hopefully the neurologist ...and the urologist and ‘anyone else who knows me’ as they say.
If it gets to the stage when a neurologist thinks you might have a brain tumour then whatever you have got isn’t an over active imagination but if all the symptoms pointed to that what else could it be? Probably a combination of things, with the first in the dock being my ever weakening solitary kidney which we’ve all come to take a bit for granted now as it hasn’t tried to kill me quickly for a while. Once your kidney function drops below a certain level it can have a knock on effect in all other parts of the body causing lots of other things that can finish you off and make you feel quite rubbish beforehand even if you don’t have extra diseases elsewhere.
Anyway, whatever...I’m most exultantly grateful I don’t have to worry whether to have radiotherapy or not or which oncologist I have to see! I’m actually quite grateful that they’ve found my anaemia is coming back because if it gets really bad they might give me another blood transfusion and this is lush...well afterwards anyway when your whole body feels alive again for a while and you bound around like Zebedee on amphetamines! I’m also grateful that having one GP on the case for a while means some concurrence with my suspicion that the problem isn’t that I keep getting infections in my urinary system but they keep failing to cure the same one (I know this isn’t actually good news but at least I don’t feel like it’s all my fault). And to get back to my preferred non-medical topics...I give thanks to Laura my ‘painter and decorator’ for hanging a few drops of lining paper and putting the first coat of eggshell on the inner sides of the living room doors and to myself for choosing (as usual – smug bitch) such totally spiffing colours! I also give thanks for a very entertaining episode of Beauty and the Geek Australia last night where the beauties had to make birdman machines for the Geeks to ‘fly’ into Darling harbour...
Thursday, 20 October 2011
Write words
Watched an episode of Stephen Fry’s Planet word yesterday when he was looking at swearing and taboo words. He took part in a rather unscientific experiment based on the premise that swearing helps you deal with pain. You’ll have conducted your own research at some time in your lives I’m sure, especially if you’ve ever used tools! The person organising the TV experiment said was prompted to pursue his line of investigation after apologising to the midwifery team for his wife’s bad language during childbirth and them telling him it was quite normal in the circumstances. I thought of this this morning when my vocabulary seemed to be composed mainly of shorter words with exclamation marks after them. Sometimes it feels as if someone is poking around in my kidney with a pointy thing...and as I’ve had that done while conscious this is not a simile or a metaphor or an analogy or any other kind of grammatical term for a comparison but a statement of fact! So first of all today I give thanks for the fact that I’m not a person who swears a great deal as apparently this lessens profanity’s efficacy as an analgesic.
I give thanks that I’m up and about though not actually dressed yet. Oftentimes if I’m able to at all I find trying to get on with things rather than lying around thinking about pains is a good policy. Yesterday I didn’t actually hurt as much so I did less. This may seem cack-handed to you but we all have to find our own way of dealing with things.
I’m also grateful that I’ve managed to get a letter to Kostas written, printed and ready to post. It’s well over a week since I heard from him and I know he worries if he doesn’t hear from me as who would tell him if something was wrong? It’s in my executor’s instructions that Helen Barker from Human Writes should get a message to him if I can’t but my executors are two of the people who I don’t hear from for a while and it just doesn’t seem right to be badgering them about their future duties if they are already acting if I’m not here. So...as you may have already spotted I’ve mentioned Helen Barker from Human Writes here too in case any of you hear that anything has happened to me that causes my correspondence to end.
I hope Lynn’s having a good trip away in all senses of the word and that my remaining readers are coping with their own pointy sticks as well as they can. Special warm thoughts to Carole and her family and loved ones.
I give thanks that I’m up and about though not actually dressed yet. Oftentimes if I’m able to at all I find trying to get on with things rather than lying around thinking about pains is a good policy. Yesterday I didn’t actually hurt as much so I did less. This may seem cack-handed to you but we all have to find our own way of dealing with things.
I’m also grateful that I’ve managed to get a letter to Kostas written, printed and ready to post. It’s well over a week since I heard from him and I know he worries if he doesn’t hear from me as who would tell him if something was wrong? It’s in my executor’s instructions that Helen Barker from Human Writes should get a message to him if I can’t but my executors are two of the people who I don’t hear from for a while and it just doesn’t seem right to be badgering them about their future duties if they are already acting if I’m not here. So...as you may have already spotted I’ve mentioned Helen Barker from Human Writes here too in case any of you hear that anything has happened to me that causes my correspondence to end.
I hope Lynn’s having a good trip away in all senses of the word and that my remaining readers are coping with their own pointy sticks as well as they can. Special warm thoughts to Carole and her family and loved ones.
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
Every cloud
I must be getting old! I looked through a Scotts of Stow leaflet earlier and took a fancy to several of their products, ha ha!
This evening I give thanks that I finally got up though I wasn't overjoyed at the time...just over burdened with things that needed to be done. And I give thanks for the bits of those I managed. I'm even kind of grateful I spilt so much soap powder I had to vacuum the kitchen floor because doing so wasn't on my to do list but it sure looks better now it's done! I'm grateful I've booked a Tesco delivery for tomorrow so I have to get up earlier...
I'm grateful for some entertaining episodes of Don't Tell the Bride. It's lovely when the hubbies to be get it so right...and it's lovely when they seem to be getting it all wrong but love overcomes different opinions about taste and style and budgeting. I do feel a bit ashamed though...there was so much interesting and intelligent TV on tonight and that's all I could be bothered to watch! Such a slacker! I give thanks for a new to me flavour of the delicious chocolates they hand make up the road from here that I'd forgotten I had in the cupboard. I give thanks for the changeable weather...sharp showers with a dash of hail clattering through the drying leaves sending and long low hazy sun rays in the late afternoon. I give thanks for being here alone so I can grunt and groan when things are an effort and not seem like a drama queen!
This evening I give thanks that I finally got up though I wasn't overjoyed at the time...just over burdened with things that needed to be done. And I give thanks for the bits of those I managed. I'm even kind of grateful I spilt so much soap powder I had to vacuum the kitchen floor because doing so wasn't on my to do list but it sure looks better now it's done! I'm grateful I've booked a Tesco delivery for tomorrow so I have to get up earlier...
I'm grateful for some entertaining episodes of Don't Tell the Bride. It's lovely when the hubbies to be get it so right...and it's lovely when they seem to be getting it all wrong but love overcomes different opinions about taste and style and budgeting. I do feel a bit ashamed though...there was so much interesting and intelligent TV on tonight and that's all I could be bothered to watch! Such a slacker! I give thanks for a new to me flavour of the delicious chocolates they hand make up the road from here that I'd forgotten I had in the cupboard. I give thanks for the changeable weather...sharp showers with a dash of hail clattering through the drying leaves sending and long low hazy sun rays in the late afternoon. I give thanks for being here alone so I can grunt and groan when things are an effort and not seem like a drama queen!
Schedules
I give thanks today that so far I've been successfully doing almost nothing at all! I've made a couple of drinks, attended to drainage maintenance, read a little, sent an email and filled a washing up bowl with hot water and suds and crockery and now feel ready for a whole lot more nothing.
I give thanks for the Radio Times. We used to have it at home as a child (not the TV Times to begin with as the commercial channel was regarded as low and common by my snobby mum!) so it's been a rare thread of continuity in my life though not consistently continuous. I've not always had a TV let alone a programme guide. But it's always had the most interesting articles in my opinion, and the best word puzzles and it's great that nowadays it lists what's on on other services other than the BBC...pages and pages of programme details. I remember when Channel 5 started and the designers were clearly struggling with where to put its listings, trying out something that didn't feel right as it moved everything established around. I wrote to them and said they should put it on the far right so the channels went across the page in order number. They wrote back and said they hoped I'd soon get used to their changes, that things had to move with the times etc... Then a couple of weeks later wrote back with a voucher saying a number of readers had had a similar idea and they were going to try it...and it's still there!
I give thanks that the extended family next door are lunching outside with friends. I love hearing people just nattering companionably and marvel that this is the norm in so many lives. It's certainly better than any soap! I've often thought the inhabitants of this terrace would make a fascinating documentary series if not as glamorous as some! Hearing them talk about what they are having has made me a little bit peckish too. Next time I get up I might get a ryvita and cheese.
I give thanks for the Radio Times. We used to have it at home as a child (not the TV Times to begin with as the commercial channel was regarded as low and common by my snobby mum!) so it's been a rare thread of continuity in my life though not consistently continuous. I've not always had a TV let alone a programme guide. But it's always had the most interesting articles in my opinion, and the best word puzzles and it's great that nowadays it lists what's on on other services other than the BBC...pages and pages of programme details. I remember when Channel 5 started and the designers were clearly struggling with where to put its listings, trying out something that didn't feel right as it moved everything established around. I wrote to them and said they should put it on the far right so the channels went across the page in order number. They wrote back and said they hoped I'd soon get used to their changes, that things had to move with the times etc... Then a couple of weeks later wrote back with a voucher saying a number of readers had had a similar idea and they were going to try it...and it's still there!
I give thanks that the extended family next door are lunching outside with friends. I love hearing people just nattering companionably and marvel that this is the norm in so many lives. It's certainly better than any soap! I've often thought the inhabitants of this terrace would make a fascinating documentary series if not as glamorous as some! Hearing them talk about what they are having has made me a little bit peckish too. Next time I get up I might get a ryvita and cheese.
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
When the chips are down
This evening I give thanks for the sight of the sea on my way to my acupuncture. It was so flat it was hard to imagine where the momentum came for the little wavelets breaking on the sands. For a l while it was sunny and not too windy and the few people I met on the short bit of seafront on my route all seemed glad to there and cheerily greeting each other and me.
I didn't linger in town after my treatment but hastily bought the bits I needed and got a taxi home. I'm so grateful one was there on the rank waiting... I've been feeling very poorly today with all my various ailments and would happily have stayed in bed all day if I could. I give thanks to Rachel for therapeutic needling and to Becky for helping me get away quickly after. I give thanks that all I have to do is doze on the sofa tonight and hope for more resting tomorrow though of course the usual essentials will have to be done in between bouts of inactivity. I'm grateful for all the things I have to watch and read and amuse myself with in the bits when watching the inside of my eyelids loses its appeal. I'm grateful that I've so little appetite and can subsist on little snacks and don't need to be bustling in the kitchen or organising fresh supplies. I'm grateful for the miracle that is an oven chip...
I didn't linger in town after my treatment but hastily bought the bits I needed and got a taxi home. I'm so grateful one was there on the rank waiting... I've been feeling very poorly today with all my various ailments and would happily have stayed in bed all day if I could. I give thanks to Rachel for therapeutic needling and to Becky for helping me get away quickly after. I give thanks that all I have to do is doze on the sofa tonight and hope for more resting tomorrow though of course the usual essentials will have to be done in between bouts of inactivity. I'm grateful for all the things I have to watch and read and amuse myself with in the bits when watching the inside of my eyelids loses its appeal. I'm grateful that I've so little appetite and can subsist on little snacks and don't need to be bustling in the kitchen or organising fresh supplies. I'm grateful for the miracle that is an oven chip...
Lines
Yesterday, I stayed up late watched a film with Jake Gyllenhaal in. I hadn't checked how long I it was (over two and a half hours and no ad breaks!) and though it was recorded so I could have stopped any time, I was just gripped and carried on. I think he is such a good actor and the characters he plays always totally believable.* In this case it was a real person so it should be believable but that's not what I mean. A few times lately I've turned away from TV dramas in disgust at the poor acting especially inadequate delivery of lines - and this from well known, even respected names. It totally distracts me from the story as I find myself thinking about how they should have said things or how their body language could have been improved or whatever. I guess it's ultimately the fault of bad directing but I hate it, whatever it is! I don't mind how implausible the plot as long as the actors act as if it's real!
*Of course I haven't seen all his movies but I intend to give the shortfall my best intention especially the ones where he smiles, there wasnt much smiling in this one!
Anyway I give gratitude for a good yarn well told and for supine escapism in all its forms. I give thanks for good movies and good acting and directing and I give thanks, of course, for Jake Gyllenhaals wonderful smile! And I give thanks for having an old fashioned overhead radial DP outside my kitchen window. That's one of those wooden telegraph poles with cables coming out like a maypole. I think it's the radiating maypole shape, I like rather than the street furniture nostalgia per se. There's a neighbour in the flats next door hangs washing out on part of her line...no kidding!
*Of course I haven't seen all his movies but I intend to give the shortfall my best intention especially the ones where he smiles, there wasnt much smiling in this one!
Anyway I give gratitude for a good yarn well told and for supine escapism in all its forms. I give thanks for good movies and good acting and directing and I give thanks, of course, for Jake Gyllenhaals wonderful smile! And I give thanks for having an old fashioned overhead radial DP outside my kitchen window. That's one of those wooden telegraph poles with cables coming out like a maypole. I think it's the radiating maypole shape, I like rather than the street furniture nostalgia per se. There's a neighbour in the flats next door hangs washing out on part of her line...no kidding!
Monday, 17 October 2011
Winding down
Well this hasn't been a day of great delights (well, not so far anyhow!) but it's been a day of plodding on literally and metaphorically. Yes, Lynn I made it back up the hill on foot which doesn't happen often these days...so I'm grateful for that. I had no shopping to carry and that always helps! I also had almost an hour sitting/lying down at the doctors while he carried out a thorough review/check up/discussion of health options and aims. I've been registered there almost four years and have never had that though I was very hale and hearty when I joined and there wouldn't have been much to review. It felt so good to have someone paying real attention to the co-ordination of my well being though...and doing it without being asked (even once) was pretty much unique in my whole life ever! Much gratitude for that...
I also give thanks for the wooshy windy weather and sharing an astonished chuckle with a couple at the fruit and veg shop as it caught the end of a roll of plastic bags and tried to unwind it down the street and for running into the lovely lady from Specsavers I always have a laugh with. For a warm chocolate brownie and cappuccino that also helped me get back up the hill with its sugar rush and caffeine hit. I give thanks for going straight back to bed when I got home and then getting up for a brief spell of filler magic and a first coat on a little bit of elsewhere of the beginnings of paint disguise. I give thanks for having nothing I HAVE to do after I've hit publish post!
I also give thanks for the wooshy windy weather and sharing an astonished chuckle with a couple at the fruit and veg shop as it caught the end of a roll of plastic bags and tried to unwind it down the street and for running into the lovely lady from Specsavers I always have a laugh with. For a warm chocolate brownie and cappuccino that also helped me get back up the hill with its sugar rush and caffeine hit. I give thanks for going straight back to bed when I got home and then getting up for a brief spell of filler magic and a first coat on a little bit of elsewhere of the beginnings of paint disguise. I give thanks for having nothing I HAVE to do after I've hit publish post!
Good
The 'good' doctor has called me as arranged and we have formed a plan for now. What I really like is that he asks about other health problems he knows I have...a remarkably holistic approach in this one appointment, one problem day and age. He would also like to see me and has sorted that out too. I know many of you will be going yes...and...why is this newsworthy?...well, because in my recent medical history it is, I have but scratched the surface in my tales of woe on here and cancerchat and I am extremely grateful for some respite! It's a nice day and I'm feeling capable of walking down the hill and enjoying it...and I don't have to do the ironing yet again, so much thanks for that too (for now), ha ha!
I wrote that and then realised a) I don't have any clean trousers that aren't in a crumpled heap and b)that though it might be bright on the front of the house saw dark clouds gathering at the other side. But that's still fine by me...as long as I know to put the right clothes on when I get out of the shower. I give thanks for having a selection. Something else we tend to take for granted too...
I watched a program about Hayley the teenager with progeria last night and give thanks for her great spirit and inspiring ways. Fate deals us all some burdens and hers make you realise how incredibly lucky most of us are, what light loads we have to carry. I also loved the fact that there's a young boy in Yorkshire with progeria (five and a half miles away by car from where she lives but given the rarity of the disease that's still pretty close) and that they are extra special friends, exchanging Valentines friends. Doesn't that make your heart sing?
I also give thanks to Lynn for her picture and Pat for her link. Have a 'good' day every oone...
I wrote that and then realised a) I don't have any clean trousers that aren't in a crumpled heap and b)that though it might be bright on the front of the house saw dark clouds gathering at the other side. But that's still fine by me...as long as I know to put the right clothes on when I get out of the shower. I give thanks for having a selection. Something else we tend to take for granted too...
I watched a program about Hayley the teenager with progeria last night and give thanks for her great spirit and inspiring ways. Fate deals us all some burdens and hers make you realise how incredibly lucky most of us are, what light loads we have to carry. I also loved the fact that there's a young boy in Yorkshire with progeria (five and a half miles away by car from where she lives but given the rarity of the disease that's still pretty close) and that they are extra special friends, exchanging Valentines friends. Doesn't that make your heart sing?
I also give thanks to Lynn for her picture and Pat for her link. Have a 'good' day every oone...
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Buzzes
This evening I give thanks for the pink fluffy clouds in the EAST at sunset thus visible from my sofa...just an 'average' orange glow in the west...
I give thanks for my sofa...well it's a bed really...so supremely suitable for relaxing! I give thanks for all the help that John and Jo gave me this weekend, the pleasure of their company...and the delight of having the washing up done!
I'm grateful for a very laid back Sunday style scan visit and for maintaining calmness despite bringing an empty CD box instead of recording of suitable music! It was less stressful than I remember it before despite being noisier I'm sure and vibrating more vigorously. The buzzes and thumps were more rhythmic than previously so I pretended I was by a very big woofer dancing to some very loud tunes!
I'm grateful to Laura for picking me up and for being very enthusiastic about picking up some sewing and decorating supplies on the way...for the pleasure of her company too.
I give thanks for being home alone now not feeling very well but manageably so and with nothing very pressing to do (even the ironing can wait ha ha!) so idling with catch up TV while planning something that I might just fancy for supper...I give thanks for all the things we have to watch nowadays and being able to record them too (how lucky are we?) and the cupboards and fridges and freezers full of food we so easily forget how fortunate we are to have...
I give thanks for my sofa...well it's a bed really...so supremely suitable for relaxing! I give thanks for all the help that John and Jo gave me this weekend, the pleasure of their company...and the delight of having the washing up done!
I'm grateful for a very laid back Sunday style scan visit and for maintaining calmness despite bringing an empty CD box instead of recording of suitable music! It was less stressful than I remember it before despite being noisier I'm sure and vibrating more vigorously. The buzzes and thumps were more rhythmic than previously so I pretended I was by a very big woofer dancing to some very loud tunes!
I'm grateful to Laura for picking me up and for being very enthusiastic about picking up some sewing and decorating supplies on the way...for the pleasure of her company too.
I give thanks for being home alone now not feeling very well but manageably so and with nothing very pressing to do (even the ironing can wait ha ha!) so idling with catch up TV while planning something that I might just fancy for supper...I give thanks for all the things we have to watch nowadays and being able to record them too (how lucky are we?) and the cupboards and fridges and freezers full of food we so easily forget how fortunate we are to have...
At peace
Keep thinking about St Peter's church in Buckland in the Moor. It was one of the most peaceful places I've ever been in. I had quite an urge just to lie down on one of the pews and rest but there were so many beautiful and interesting things to see. If I'd had my camera you'd have lots of pictures to see them too! Although there were a few people about the whole village was very silent and still in the hazy late afternoon light, the trees just turning colour in the thick woodlands thereabouts and it seemed almost unreal...a bit of a Shangri-la or Brigadoon.
Anyway, I've decided to think about that peaceful lying down feeling this afternoon in the MRI machine. I give thanks that I have this thought to carry with me and a car to carry me there and one to bring me home again. And that my friends are stripping more wallpaper now as I lounge in bed too tired to join them yet!
Anyway, I've decided to think about that peaceful lying down feeling this afternoon in the MRI machine. I give thanks that I have this thought to carry with me and a car to carry me there and one to bring me home again. And that my friends are stripping more wallpaper now as I lounge in bed too tired to join them yet!
Saturday, 15 October 2011
Moor pictures
I give thanks for a good session of wallpaper stripping with my good friends this afternoon followed by a drive round Dartmoor with no map or particular plan just following our noses but coming across some lovely serendipitous finds on the way. Delicious ice cream from a van below Hay Tor just before the seller packed up for the day... a hazy strip of peachy sunset coloured cloud on the western horizon...stunningly picturesque Buckland in the Moor with its chocolate box thatched cottages and one of the prettiest churches I've ever seen... and realising the turning was there for one of the prettiest lanes I've ever been on, just once a couple of years ago (I'd send you down it virtually but sadly it was missed by the Streetview car perhaps because the turn off actually doesn't look like it's a public road but a private driveway) and rediscovering and sharing its delights...tree tunnels and golden bracken and old bridges spanning clear running water...dry stone walls and moss covered ones... puddles and streams brightly reflecting the white of the sky...ponies and foals and cows and calves and sheep...and astonishingly mild weather still for little out of the car ambles...
Saturday morning pictures
Well I've just been on cancerchat praising someone for listing what she's grateful for so I'd better practice what I praise eh? It is so easy to slip into the moans isn't it? This bit hurts, that thing doesn't work, someone's not helping etc etc...but if nothing else we should be grateful we can use words and the internet to tell people how we feel. And I am, as ever, awestruck by the fact that squiggles on a page or pixcels on a screen convey emotion, create an image, transport us with a tale or description. Give thanks for that miracle as you read this...
The birds are very chirrupy and chirpy this morning...I give thanks for that too it's a sort of round cartoony sound. Does anyone else feel sounds almost as seeing shapes or is that just me? I think this has happened all my life and is not a phenomena associated with recent suspected alien life forms in my brain. There's a posh name for it but I couldn't type it even if I looked it up! I like it anyway so I'm expressing gratitude for that...
I'm grateful a finger of sunlight just tenderly touched my bed. I'm grateful for a mug of tea in my favourite mug...there's a picture of it somewhere on here... I'm grateful I have visitors coming today but don't have to clean and tidy as they are here to make a mess! I'm grateful for finding an Eccles cake left in the tin and fancying eating it. I'm grateful Juanita mentioned reading Bill Bryson's At Home as I am now too and enjoying it. I like the way he tells you things you didn't know and makes you want to know more. I'm grateful when people make knowing more seem a pleasant thing to do. I'm grateful that Sir Robert Winston, a chap I think does just that, was the chap who handed my son his degree. I have a picture of him doing so moustache a-burgeoning and my son with his long hair in lots of little plaits with ribbons in in colours to match his gown trim. I tear up with pride when I think of seeing this almost as much as when I saw it on the day. They seem to be sharing a moment of connection and I love that. And I give thanks again to Clive for putting this favourite photo back up on my wall after I took it down for Laura to put up some wallpaper...
Oh...and who remembers Saturday morning pictures?
The birds are very chirrupy and chirpy this morning...I give thanks for that too it's a sort of round cartoony sound. Does anyone else feel sounds almost as seeing shapes or is that just me? I think this has happened all my life and is not a phenomena associated with recent suspected alien life forms in my brain. There's a posh name for it but I couldn't type it even if I looked it up! I like it anyway so I'm expressing gratitude for that...
I'm grateful a finger of sunlight just tenderly touched my bed. I'm grateful for a mug of tea in my favourite mug...there's a picture of it somewhere on here... I'm grateful I have visitors coming today but don't have to clean and tidy as they are here to make a mess! I'm grateful for finding an Eccles cake left in the tin and fancying eating it. I'm grateful Juanita mentioned reading Bill Bryson's At Home as I am now too and enjoying it. I like the way he tells you things you didn't know and makes you want to know more. I'm grateful when people make knowing more seem a pleasant thing to do. I'm grateful that Sir Robert Winston, a chap I think does just that, was the chap who handed my son his degree. I have a picture of him doing so moustache a-burgeoning and my son with his long hair in lots of little plaits with ribbons in in colours to match his gown trim. I tear up with pride when I think of seeing this almost as much as when I saw it on the day. They seem to be sharing a moment of connection and I love that. And I give thanks again to Clive for putting this favourite photo back up on my wall after I took it down for Laura to put up some wallpaper...
Oh...and who remembers Saturday morning pictures?
Friday, 14 October 2011
Messy
Hello again...how's it going with you?
I went out today for some odds and ends and also as I could hear the surf roaring and wanted to see it. It was 'messy' as the say, not 'clean' surfer surf but invigorating to sit in the sunshine a while and watch the breakers rolling in. Need invigorating at the moment...very limp!
This morning I stirred myself and called the secretary of the oncologist I've found out is dealing with my oncologist's caseload while she's away. And found she wasn't. She's dealing with some of her cases but by geographical area and I'm not in the right one. If I want an oncology appointment I have the choice of a) the man who, among other dangerous misdemeanours, failed to recognise and respond to my strokes on chemo even when my left hand became paralysed (That's nothing to do with me..you need to see a physiotherapist!) or b) the staff grade who said the enlarged lymph nodes that he had said were mets and meant no point in a cystectomy to remove the primary cancer probably weren't, refused to discuss it and said 'no further oncological input was required'. Now let me see...it's a tough decision but weighing up the possibilities I think... Um...I'll just not bother! It seems safer that way somehow. Rather die of the disease than at the hands of disinterested incompetents! I know at least one of you will respond suggesting I must do this, or that, or something else and if it's something I haven't thought of and tried maybe I will but I'm just so beeping tired of going round in ever decreasing circles with ever decreasing health and being so effing unsupported and messed around! I'm not an unreasonably demanding patient, neither am I a docile doormat but where to turn...and will it be just another waste of time and energy and hope?
Anyway...back to the happies. I'm grateful to Laura for giving me a lift back up the hill and helping with some diy chores. And I'm grateful to John and Jo for saying they'll come and help with some more this weekend. I'm grateful I have leftover stew if my appetite comes back and have made some sauce with good things in to 'mature' in the fridge for a pasta meal tomorrow... I'm grateful I have just enough energy left (I think) to do one more useful thing and that I've decided to get pjs on after so I can't do two and I'm grateful for heaters for it's a nippy old night over here
I went out today for some odds and ends and also as I could hear the surf roaring and wanted to see it. It was 'messy' as the say, not 'clean' surfer surf but invigorating to sit in the sunshine a while and watch the breakers rolling in. Need invigorating at the moment...very limp!
This morning I stirred myself and called the secretary of the oncologist I've found out is dealing with my oncologist's caseload while she's away. And found she wasn't. She's dealing with some of her cases but by geographical area and I'm not in the right one. If I want an oncology appointment I have the choice of a) the man who, among other dangerous misdemeanours, failed to recognise and respond to my strokes on chemo even when my left hand became paralysed (That's nothing to do with me..you need to see a physiotherapist!) or b) the staff grade who said the enlarged lymph nodes that he had said were mets and meant no point in a cystectomy to remove the primary cancer probably weren't, refused to discuss it and said 'no further oncological input was required'. Now let me see...it's a tough decision but weighing up the possibilities I think... Um...I'll just not bother! It seems safer that way somehow. Rather die of the disease than at the hands of disinterested incompetents! I know at least one of you will respond suggesting I must do this, or that, or something else and if it's something I haven't thought of and tried maybe I will but I'm just so beeping tired of going round in ever decreasing circles with ever decreasing health and being so effing unsupported and messed around! I'm not an unreasonably demanding patient, neither am I a docile doormat but where to turn...and will it be just another waste of time and energy and hope?
Anyway...back to the happies. I'm grateful to Laura for giving me a lift back up the hill and helping with some diy chores. And I'm grateful to John and Jo for saying they'll come and help with some more this weekend. I'm grateful I have leftover stew if my appetite comes back and have made some sauce with good things in to 'mature' in the fridge for a pasta meal tomorrow... I'm grateful I have just enough energy left (I think) to do one more useful thing and that I've decided to get pjs on after so I can't do two and I'm grateful for heaters for it's a nippy old night over here
Consider the lilies
Thank you as ever for kind words about my words. The best words, like all the best things are acts of channelling creation, inspired not perspired over...though sometimes they need a little toil, a little spin. Have so many things spinning in my head right now. From my son's creativity...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tKizOPNgRY&feature=channel_video_title&noredirect=1
(I'm so glad he didn't feel the need to get a proper job when he can make things do this. I'm so glad I made someone who makes people happy!)
...to Walter Scott's poem 'Lucy Ashton's Song' - a favourite for many years...which always sounds a bit Buddhist to me... Non attachment and all that!
Look not thou on beauty's charming;
Sit thou still when kings are arming;
Taste not when the wine-cup glistens;
Speak not when the people listens;
Stop thine ear against the singer;
From the red gold keep thy finger;
Vacant heart and hand and eye,
Easy live and quiet die
The link and the poem and the title of the post are related in a way, well in my way anyway ha ha!
I'm feeling very rough this morning. A lie down in a darkened room probably the best thing for the symptoms but have been applying my usual alternative treatment (sorry, Sockpuppet!) of getting up and doing chores to take my mind off them. One thing's for certain...looking at screens doesn't help at all so off to shower and clean the bath instead. I give thanks for all of the above...except for the nausea...I'm 'sick' of that, but it still makes me chuckle saying so! Have a happy day folks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tKizOPNgRY&feature=channel_video_title&noredirect=1
(I'm so glad he didn't feel the need to get a proper job when he can make things do this. I'm so glad I made someone who makes people happy!)
...to Walter Scott's poem 'Lucy Ashton's Song' - a favourite for many years...which always sounds a bit Buddhist to me... Non attachment and all that!
Look not thou on beauty's charming;
Sit thou still when kings are arming;
Taste not when the wine-cup glistens;
Speak not when the people listens;
Stop thine ear against the singer;
From the red gold keep thy finger;
Vacant heart and hand and eye,
Easy live and quiet die
The link and the poem and the title of the post are related in a way, well in my way anyway ha ha!
I'm feeling very rough this morning. A lie down in a darkened room probably the best thing for the symptoms but have been applying my usual alternative treatment (sorry, Sockpuppet!) of getting up and doing chores to take my mind off them. One thing's for certain...looking at screens doesn't help at all so off to shower and clean the bath instead. I give thanks for all of the above...except for the nausea...I'm 'sick' of that, but it still makes me chuckle saying so! Have a happy day folks!
Thursday, 13 October 2011
In the weak mid-evening
Well I was tired before I started and totally good for nothing now but I give thanks for all I've achieved aches, pains and exhaustion notwithstanding.
I give thanks I made some veggie stew for the slow cooker in case I stir and feel peckish later and that I made my bed in case I don't! I'm grateful I've done all I set out to do decorating wise and even a little bit more. I'm grateful I've learnt to set my sights more realistically in that department, ha ha! I'm grateful if somewhat flabbergasted I managed to sew the first bit of ribbon trim on the first curtain straight on both edges. This is perfectly easy if you go slowly enough but I've a tendency to put my foot down, lose control and steer off the edge. Good job it's just a sewing machine eh?
I'm grateful for the hazy day...sometimes misty, sometimes sunny in a diluted kind of way. We get UFOs on days like today...well, we don't really but I sometimes think we do as the horizon blurs and I can't tell sky from sea and there seem to be craft floating above it rather than on top. And I'm grateful the young drummer across the road is getting so very good. Seriously, I mean that...once again just checking you're not making moans where there aren't any as that's the frosty wind's job not yours or mine!. Oh yes, and I give thanks for Christina Rosetti...
I give thanks I made some veggie stew for the slow cooker in case I stir and feel peckish later and that I made my bed in case I don't! I'm grateful I've done all I set out to do decorating wise and even a little bit more. I'm grateful I've learnt to set my sights more realistically in that department, ha ha! I'm grateful if somewhat flabbergasted I managed to sew the first bit of ribbon trim on the first curtain straight on both edges. This is perfectly easy if you go slowly enough but I've a tendency to put my foot down, lose control and steer off the edge. Good job it's just a sewing machine eh?
I'm grateful for the hazy day...sometimes misty, sometimes sunny in a diluted kind of way. We get UFOs on days like today...well, we don't really but I sometimes think we do as the horizon blurs and I can't tell sky from sea and there seem to be craft floating above it rather than on top. And I'm grateful the young drummer across the road is getting so very good. Seriously, I mean that...once again just checking you're not making moans where there aren't any as that's the frosty wind's job not yours or mine!. Oh yes, and I give thanks for Christina Rosetti...
Reconstruction
The weather report for here today says white cloud...but the white cloud has landed and there's some precipitation in sight as the shipping forecasts say. Now I'm a summer sunshine lover but there's things about all seasons I like and just now in the kitchen waiting for the kettle for my morning cuppa to boil I was looking through the mist at the houses higher up the hill and could see the light bulbs on in some of the windows. That's quite a cosy sight to me, evoking cosier times. Autumns in Wales in a house with a dog and a teenage boy and a knitting machine always busy. When people used to come and visit... People actually used to come and stay even. Wow, I'm tearing up now at the recollection!
Well anyway, I'm back in bed and give thanks for the times I'm remembering...for the golden glow that tinges their recall that is nothing to do with turning leaves but with the selective nature of memory. I think it selects the essence of a time though. There are times I look back and give an involuntary shiver of horror at what went on or shake of the head in disbelief at how I let it, how deluded I have been. Sometimes I marvel at my ability to think well of people's intentions when they were so blatantly bad. Sometimes I beat myself up about it mentally but it takes two to trample as well as to tango. Just because a person is vulnerable you don't HAVE to take advantage, just because a person is generous you don't HAVE to take what you can and run. My pet head shaker now with the wisdom of hindsight, is the old chestnut that I've brought it on myself through low self esteem...er, no, you took the piss and you made yourself feel better about it by blaming me! Humans eh? Sometimes I have to admit it's rather restful realising I don't have to be one very much longer! And I mean that most sincerely folks so don't assume I'm being miserable, I'm not!
Anyway, I'm not quite ready to take my harp out onto the white cloud yet...I want to look out of the window at it and I give thanks both for clarity and for the lack of it in appropriate proportions! I also want to get the living room decorated first, ha ha! Everything hurts this morning but I've promised myself if I get up and lightly sand and prime/undercoat the broken parts of skirting I reconstructed with Polyfilla last night I can come back to bed while it (quick) dries. Then maybe the lure of the first coat of colour on the next ready metre or so will get me on my knees again later!
Special hello to Tiggs this morning who is going through a hard time. Thinking of you and wishing you well...
Well anyway, I'm back in bed and give thanks for the times I'm remembering...for the golden glow that tinges their recall that is nothing to do with turning leaves but with the selective nature of memory. I think it selects the essence of a time though. There are times I look back and give an involuntary shiver of horror at what went on or shake of the head in disbelief at how I let it, how deluded I have been. Sometimes I marvel at my ability to think well of people's intentions when they were so blatantly bad. Sometimes I beat myself up about it mentally but it takes two to trample as well as to tango. Just because a person is vulnerable you don't HAVE to take advantage, just because a person is generous you don't HAVE to take what you can and run. My pet head shaker now with the wisdom of hindsight, is the old chestnut that I've brought it on myself through low self esteem...er, no, you took the piss and you made yourself feel better about it by blaming me! Humans eh? Sometimes I have to admit it's rather restful realising I don't have to be one very much longer! And I mean that most sincerely folks so don't assume I'm being miserable, I'm not!
Anyway, I'm not quite ready to take my harp out onto the white cloud yet...I want to look out of the window at it and I give thanks both for clarity and for the lack of it in appropriate proportions! I also want to get the living room decorated first, ha ha! Everything hurts this morning but I've promised myself if I get up and lightly sand and prime/undercoat the broken parts of skirting I reconstructed with Polyfilla last night I can come back to bed while it (quick) dries. Then maybe the lure of the first coat of colour on the next ready metre or so will get me on my knees again later!
Special hello to Tiggs this morning who is going through a hard time. Thinking of you and wishing you well...
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
It's all in the head...
Evenin' all. Hope you've all had a fine and dandy day. Whose turn is it to cook supper? It can't be me again for goodness sake!
I'm sorry if my link about the effects of alcohol offended anyone...especially any coffee drinkers out there. I think the writer was making a very interesting point about how drinking alcohol is presented but we all have different ones I know! There certainly are loads of comments added to the article now, most of them very cross about something or other which I'm afraid I find quite amusing as it's clearly a very sensitive subject!
Anyway, perhaps as a penance for my abstemious lifestyle and deviant sense of humour, I've had a headache most of the day and am getting quite bored with it now. In between naps and typing I've got a few more bits and bobs done including knocking over a tub of wallpaper soaking water (soaking the bookcase which has no wallpaper on it), dropping a painty stirring stick on the rug by the sink and inexpertly piling up a pile of washing up so that mucky stuff in soaking saucepans fell on the same mat... Well, I'm grateful I hadn't washed it or changed it for a clean one!
I'm grateful that a parcel arrived at the communal door and was taken in and put on the hall table and hasn't been stolen or molested. This is a treat! I'm grateful I went out to the bins in the late afternoon and felt autumn in the air. I'm grateful for seeing the smudge of orange under the grey clouds on the western horizon when I went in the kitchen just now. And I'm Oh so thankful that I just twigged I don't actually need to make dinner. I can just have easy nibbles - a samosa, an avocado, an apple and some nuts, the last of the stewed rhubarb in a crumble with cream. Mmmm. Feel much better now I've overcome that cultural perception! Ha ha!
I'm sorry if my link about the effects of alcohol offended anyone...especially any coffee drinkers out there. I think the writer was making a very interesting point about how drinking alcohol is presented but we all have different ones I know! There certainly are loads of comments added to the article now, most of them very cross about something or other which I'm afraid I find quite amusing as it's clearly a very sensitive subject!
Anyway, perhaps as a penance for my abstemious lifestyle and deviant sense of humour, I've had a headache most of the day and am getting quite bored with it now. In between naps and typing I've got a few more bits and bobs done including knocking over a tub of wallpaper soaking water (soaking the bookcase which has no wallpaper on it), dropping a painty stirring stick on the rug by the sink and inexpertly piling up a pile of washing up so that mucky stuff in soaking saucepans fell on the same mat... Well, I'm grateful I hadn't washed it or changed it for a clean one!
I'm grateful that a parcel arrived at the communal door and was taken in and put on the hall table and hasn't been stolen or molested. This is a treat! I'm grateful I went out to the bins in the late afternoon and felt autumn in the air. I'm grateful for seeing the smudge of orange under the grey clouds on the western horizon when I went in the kitchen just now. And I'm Oh so thankful that I just twigged I don't actually need to make dinner. I can just have easy nibbles - a samosa, an avocado, an apple and some nuts, the last of the stewed rhubarb in a crumble with cream. Mmmm. Feel much better now I've overcome that cultural perception! Ha ha!
Same difference
A dartboard, yes Pat I think you're right! There does seem to be particular cluster around where the double one would be for 501 or 301ers trying to finish. I used to play darts quite a bit before Bob was born (I had lightweight narrow arrows with butterflies on the flights - bless!) but then I stopped going to pubs so much and lost the knack. No need for much sanding at all on the wall though...my knack for filling gets loads of practice and is getting better and better which is excellent news as I'm rubbish at sanding and getting worse and worse as my arms get weaker. I can't do pressing AND rubbing for long...good job there's not much call for it any more, ha ha!
The previous paragraph coincidentally leads very well to this link http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-15265317 to an article by Kate Fox I found just after writing it. Kate Fox is just the kind of social anthropologist I hoped that I might be when I set out to the University of Sussex, writing eloquently and entertainingly about one of the most mysterious yet largely un reaserached cultures - our own. I'd nothing against the 'traditional' mud hut kind of anthropology you understand but having spent forty years or so wondering why I wasn't supposed to ask 'why?' about what everyone said was ' just because' I was very keen to find out!
The British relationship to alcohol and pubs has always fascinated me. My vaguely artistic teenage self used to look at the line of backs at the bar and wish I could paint the scene with the glow of light over the bar staff and regimented lines of bottles...seriously, if you showed the scene to someone who'd never seen anything like it don't you think it might look like some kind of religious practice? I also wanted to paint a spaceship landing, and people hiding behind a rock watching in terror as people exactly like themselves emerged... Hmmm, well clearly you don't need a degree in anything obscure to see why I've never had a lot of friends. I'm weird by most people's standards I know...but at least the feeling's mutual!
Anyway I've grateful for completing another short shift at the hole face - this time in one of those narrow strips between door lintel and wall where generations of bodging and dodging had left it unsuitable for further development. I'm grateful for a veggie builders fry up afterwards and the prospect of a siesta with a cup of Earl Grey and a book for while. I also give humungous thanks for being different...it might have blighted my life in many ways from early childhood on but it's also a blessing and a delight to at least realise there are so many boxes if not always to manage to think outside. And for occasionally once in a while remembering that there others too scattered here and there lifting the lids and poking their heads over the rims. If not folks we'd still be in mud huts and no need for Polyfilla at all, ha ha!
The previous paragraph coincidentally leads very well to this link http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-15265317 to an article by Kate Fox I found just after writing it. Kate Fox is just the kind of social anthropologist I hoped that I might be when I set out to the University of Sussex, writing eloquently and entertainingly about one of the most mysterious yet largely un reaserached cultures - our own. I'd nothing against the 'traditional' mud hut kind of anthropology you understand but having spent forty years or so wondering why I wasn't supposed to ask 'why?' about what everyone said was ' just because' I was very keen to find out!
The British relationship to alcohol and pubs has always fascinated me. My vaguely artistic teenage self used to look at the line of backs at the bar and wish I could paint the scene with the glow of light over the bar staff and regimented lines of bottles...seriously, if you showed the scene to someone who'd never seen anything like it don't you think it might look like some kind of religious practice? I also wanted to paint a spaceship landing, and people hiding behind a rock watching in terror as people exactly like themselves emerged... Hmmm, well clearly you don't need a degree in anything obscure to see why I've never had a lot of friends. I'm weird by most people's standards I know...but at least the feeling's mutual!
Anyway I've grateful for completing another short shift at the hole face - this time in one of those narrow strips between door lintel and wall where generations of bodging and dodging had left it unsuitable for further development. I'm grateful for a veggie builders fry up afterwards and the prospect of a siesta with a cup of Earl Grey and a book for while. I also give humungous thanks for being different...it might have blighted my life in many ways from early childhood on but it's also a blessing and a delight to at least realise there are so many boxes if not always to manage to think outside. And for occasionally once in a while remembering that there others too scattered here and there lifting the lids and poking their heads over the rims. If not folks we'd still be in mud huts and no need for Polyfilla at all, ha ha!
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
Holiest of holies
Hi guys, just some quick thoughts as I don't want to lose that post acupuncture glow fighting with a keyboard! (My typing is getting really illegible now) Anyway, Yes Pat and Lynn...it worked...thanks for your comments. Juanita, haven't heard from you in a while - hope you're doing OK.
I give thanks this evening for having one of my favourite community nurses visit once again. Three weeks ago he told me he was leaving later this month and we said our goodbyes as I'm not often on his list...and he's been rota'ed to attend to me twice more since then. Such a joy to have your medical needs attended to by someone who fulfils your conversational ones too!
I give thanks for another very helpful acupuncture session with the lovely and skillful Rachel. For two hugs and some Verve (which is a kind of wool as well as a band and a vigorous feeling!). For remembering why the name Tiggs is familiar - we have a clothing/homewear shop called that here! And for the lady in Tibbs (that's a fruit and veg shop round the corner - honestly, I'm not making this up!) looking in the back for a fresher yellow pepper for me though the ones she had out were quite usable just not crispy fresh. She sells them by weight so it was 30p!
And lastly for tackling the holiest of holies when I got home. This is the bit of wall behind formerly behind the big bookcase that has only just had the paper removed. I have never in my life seen so many little holes in such a small area of plaster. Many of these filler knife swipes are covering groups of two, three, four or more! Do you think someone shot at the wall with some kind of pellet gun or were they just very fussy deciding where to hang the pictures? Bear in mind the holes were under even the oldest paper which had been there a pretty long time. Who knows? Never mind...all filled up now. Now to fill up my tum with dinner!
I give thanks this evening for having one of my favourite community nurses visit once again. Three weeks ago he told me he was leaving later this month and we said our goodbyes as I'm not often on his list...and he's been rota'ed to attend to me twice more since then. Such a joy to have your medical needs attended to by someone who fulfils your conversational ones too!
I give thanks for another very helpful acupuncture session with the lovely and skillful Rachel. For two hugs and some Verve (which is a kind of wool as well as a band and a vigorous feeling!). For remembering why the name Tiggs is familiar - we have a clothing/homewear shop called that here! And for the lady in Tibbs (that's a fruit and veg shop round the corner - honestly, I'm not making this up!) looking in the back for a fresher yellow pepper for me though the ones she had out were quite usable just not crispy fresh. She sells them by weight so it was 30p!
Growth
First of all today I'd like to give thanks on behalf of my re-potted palm that looks so healthy and happy in its new home. I swear it's grown another inch but I can't tell for sure as when I said it was a little taller than me I was downplaying the situation...it's currently a little taller that I can reach to measure without standing on something so around 6' 6" I reckon. Not a record holder I know but it always astonishes me when I become mindful of the fact of how big it actually is. Like living with a living person whose appearance gradually changes and you assimilate the day to day changes without really taking them in until you see an old photo. I'm hoping it thickens out a little round the trunk now...which of course you don't often wish about your human companions!
Here it is valiantly trying to beautify my flat not long after I moved in and when all that had been done was a wall removed so that the kitchen and the kitchen window were in the same room!
...and here it is in a different position (otherwise it would be probably be doing the washing up!) and clearly thriving on the improvements over the last three or four years...
and here (in case you're wondering) is the part of the room it was in before. I would like to express gratitude to the people who helped me achieve this transformation. Most are sadly no longer part of my life...well sadly on my part...possibly delightedly on theirs!
Here it is valiantly trying to beautify my flat not long after I moved in and when all that had been done was a wall removed so that the kitchen and the kitchen window were in the same room!
...and here it is in a different position (otherwise it would be probably be doing the washing up!) and clearly thriving on the improvements over the last three or four years...
Monday, 10 October 2011
Sensory perceptions
I give thanks for the wonderful smell of Lush's Sacred Truth face mask. Even washing the tub out in the bathroom has made my flat smell nice!
I give thanks for getting a bit more of my curtain embellishing done. I was worried I might find sewing harder now, and yes it's tiring and uncomfortable in some positions but no more so than any other activity. I can still use pins and needles which I was concerned might require too much dexterity but it's OK, though I do get pins and needles in my hand...I mean the nerve ending feeling not the shiny sharp things. And I'm grateful for the feeling of continuity I get from sewing...how many miles must I have sewed over the years?
And I also give thanks for the poignant sound of crows. They must caw at other times of the year but it seems such a quintessentially wintry sound. It's impossible to hear them and not think of bare trees and open country and clouds and chilly air. Well it's impossible for me anyway!
And for turning off the TV (and when I've finished this the internet too) and spending the evening with soup and a book as that just seemed so much more peaceful...
I give thanks for getting a bit more of my curtain embellishing done. I was worried I might find sewing harder now, and yes it's tiring and uncomfortable in some positions but no more so than any other activity. I can still use pins and needles which I was concerned might require too much dexterity but it's OK, though I do get pins and needles in my hand...I mean the nerve ending feeling not the shiny sharp things. And I'm grateful for the feeling of continuity I get from sewing...how many miles must I have sewed over the years?
And I also give thanks for the poignant sound of crows. They must caw at other times of the year but it seems such a quintessentially wintry sound. It's impossible to hear them and not think of bare trees and open country and clouds and chilly air. Well it's impossible for me anyway!
And for turning off the TV (and when I've finished this the internet too) and spending the evening with soup and a book as that just seemed so much more peaceful...
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Life time
For those who have been asking...no I haven't finished my Tree of Life picture yet. It's covered up behind a curtain in a cupboard in the hall hopefully safe from the dust and debris of decorating the living room. Only the ceiling in there is finished and most of my creative energy has been going into the bits of work I can actually do myself to move things along. I've only been doing crafts that fit onto my lap when in progress and into a carrier bag when not to keep them clean and tidy - more things for charity sales and I'm also trying to sort out new curtains for when the curtain rail is back up so as there's no painting going on this week I've made a start on those. They are ready made plain curtains but I'm adding some patterned fabric and ribbon to make them more interesting. I'll show you a picture when there's something to see...
There's often only two or three hours a day when I feel up to anything much, so as the normal physical things like cooking and washing up and washing and cleaning take energy and time all other tasks have to compete for my attention and completion. It's difficult not to get downhearted sometimes but the alternative to trying to keep going is just giving up and stopping so obviously I to try to hang in there as long as I can. I think it's probably hard for many of you to grasp what a physical challenge it is to be seriously unwell and seriously alone in the long term. I certainly had no inkling myself and on the whole I'd recommend NOT finding out, ha ha! One is hard enough...two makes me think I must have been pretty bad in a previous lifetime. You guys were obviously much better behaved!
Anyway, enough of that. I'm grateful for another long lie in in my comfy bed and for tangy three fruit marmalade on toast. I'm grateful for having bread, butter, marmalade, electricity, toaster, motivation and motor power to make it!I'm grateful I saw some pretty light effects in the sky last night with the heavy clouds tinged with last of the sunlight in the evening and with moonlight in the night. And I'm grateful for interesting dreams. I can't for the life of me remember what they were about... I couldn't remember when I woke up in the night just after them... but I said to myself 'Ooh, how nice to have dreams when you actually get to use your brain instead of just a load of rubbish!' But I've no idea what it was I was using my brain for!
There's often only two or three hours a day when I feel up to anything much, so as the normal physical things like cooking and washing up and washing and cleaning take energy and time all other tasks have to compete for my attention and completion. It's difficult not to get downhearted sometimes but the alternative to trying to keep going is just giving up and stopping so obviously I to try to hang in there as long as I can. I think it's probably hard for many of you to grasp what a physical challenge it is to be seriously unwell and seriously alone in the long term. I certainly had no inkling myself and on the whole I'd recommend NOT finding out, ha ha! One is hard enough...two makes me think I must have been pretty bad in a previous lifetime. You guys were obviously much better behaved!
Anyway, enough of that. I'm grateful for another long lie in in my comfy bed and for tangy three fruit marmalade on toast. I'm grateful for having bread, butter, marmalade, electricity, toaster, motivation and motor power to make it!I'm grateful I saw some pretty light effects in the sky last night with the heavy clouds tinged with last of the sunlight in the evening and with moonlight in the night. And I'm grateful for interesting dreams. I can't for the life of me remember what they were about... I couldn't remember when I woke up in the night just after them... but I said to myself 'Ooh, how nice to have dreams when you actually get to use your brain instead of just a load of rubbish!' But I've no idea what it was I was using my brain for!
You cannot be serious
I hope you've all had an enjoyable day. It's been authentically autumnal walking on the beach weather today and in spirit I've been out there. In practice I've just had the windows open to hear the wind better and have looked at the white topped waves through my binoculars. I'm so grateful I have binoculars and a bit of a view of the sea!
Last night I was wakeful after much dozing on the sofa during the evening but amused myself with damnyouautocorrect.com - chuckling the insomnia and the blues away. It's not just the strange things swype comes up with but the droll way recipients react...and then of course there's all the companion sites with funny pictures and so on. I realise it's not to everyone's taste, especially perhaps those of mature years and the female gender but I've been in touch with my inner teenage boy for a long time. I mean seriously...why wear heels when there are so many different sorts of baseball boots to choose from? I give thanks for some of my favourites from over the years...the special edition leather Converse All Stars spring to mind and some pretty flowery ones I bought on my last trip to Santander...
It was blowy yesterday too and to keep the pepper and salt afro it is my cross to bear since recovering from alopecia from scaring the natives I had it covered up as I walked down the hill to meet Clive. A man and two young boys passed me as I was replying to a text from him and the boys kept turning round and looking at me. They looked nicely brought up and was I wondering whether they were waiting til out of earshot to ask their escort why that old lady was wearing a hoodie and texting. I imagined the man saying 'Lads, not everyone's like your nan. Some of them have tattoos and listen to Green Day!'. Pause to give deep respect and gratitude to Green Day for Basket Case...one of my all time favourite in all ways inappropriate tracks!
Anyway, I've been resting up a lot of today, but in an effort to celebrate my outer middle aged woman I've had the sewing machine out and started customising a pair of plain beige curtains in keeping with my particular taste in interior decor. I give thanks to Laura for assistance in purchase of some of the materials and to myself for the choices I made and how well they are going to look in my living room when the rest of the decor is finally done. Long way to go but very pleased with them so far. I'm also really appreciating the little improvements Clive made for me yesterday. Holding a picture pin in one hand and hammering it in with the other is very challenging for me now so even just having a few pictures back on the kitchen walls is a real treat. Thank you, once again!
Last night I was wakeful after much dozing on the sofa during the evening but amused myself with damnyouautocorrect.com - chuckling the insomnia and the blues away. It's not just the strange things swype comes up with but the droll way recipients react...and then of course there's all the companion sites with funny pictures and so on. I realise it's not to everyone's taste, especially perhaps those of mature years and the female gender but I've been in touch with my inner teenage boy for a long time. I mean seriously...why wear heels when there are so many different sorts of baseball boots to choose from? I give thanks for some of my favourites from over the years...the special edition leather Converse All Stars spring to mind and some pretty flowery ones I bought on my last trip to Santander...
It was blowy yesterday too and to keep the pepper and salt afro it is my cross to bear since recovering from alopecia from scaring the natives I had it covered up as I walked down the hill to meet Clive. A man and two young boys passed me as I was replying to a text from him and the boys kept turning round and looking at me. They looked nicely brought up and was I wondering whether they were waiting til out of earshot to ask their escort why that old lady was wearing a hoodie and texting. I imagined the man saying 'Lads, not everyone's like your nan. Some of them have tattoos and listen to Green Day!'. Pause to give deep respect and gratitude to Green Day for Basket Case...one of my all time favourite in all ways inappropriate tracks!
Anyway, I've been resting up a lot of today, but in an effort to celebrate my outer middle aged woman I've had the sewing machine out and started customising a pair of plain beige curtains in keeping with my particular taste in interior decor. I give thanks to Laura for assistance in purchase of some of the materials and to myself for the choices I made and how well they are going to look in my living room when the rest of the decor is finally done. Long way to go but very pleased with them so far. I'm also really appreciating the little improvements Clive made for me yesterday. Holding a picture pin in one hand and hammering it in with the other is very challenging for me now so even just having a few pictures back on the kitchen walls is a real treat. Thank you, once again!
Saturday, 8 October 2011
Loss adjustment
For the longest time, from before I moved in, I've had a particular plan for improving my flat and today I realised it wasn't going to happen. It's not that it's not possible financially or physically...it's just that a recce today turned up some unforseen problems and made me realise it's just not going to be practical within in a practical time frame given the situation I'm in. I was quite stunned and sad at first but I'm rallying a bit now.
There are so many things I've wanted to happen in my life that aren't going to, or have happened when it would have been so much more pleasant if they had not, but adapting to unexpectedly unfavourable circumstances and accommodating loss and disappointment is what has made the strong and resilient person I am. It's what's made me make a mission out of finding the unplanned, unhoped for, often unnoticed joys that abound around us. ..well that, and the fact it really is the way to be, of course! Yes, in an idealised version of my existence I'd have had the work done... but I'd have had the work done, stayed well, sold the flat, done some travelling, met some other being who thought I was the best thing since un-sliced bread and not be spending the nine hundred and seventy first consecutive Saturday night of it (poetic licence here, don't do the math!) home alone watching TV and pretending I'm 'talking' to people who actually have better things to do!
Anyway, I'm grateful to Clive for finding time to pop over and have a chat and a coffee with me in a cafe and do some things for me about the place that I've been unable to do. I give thanks that the weather turned out quite pleasant afterall and we were able to spend few mins in the sunshine looking at the deserted sands. I give thanks for the enormous choux bun he bought me! I give thanks that I've found another acceptable temporary arrangement of living room furniture and effects while another area of wall has been exposed for my attention. Oh yeah, and I'm glad I've stopped giving it my attention and have moved on to the 'and relax' phase of the day! For TV and more Tesco ready meals (with fresh veg of course!) and for not beating myself up about not cooking for the second day in a row...
There are so many things I've wanted to happen in my life that aren't going to, or have happened when it would have been so much more pleasant if they had not, but adapting to unexpectedly unfavourable circumstances and accommodating loss and disappointment is what has made the strong and resilient person I am. It's what's made me make a mission out of finding the unplanned, unhoped for, often unnoticed joys that abound around us. ..well that, and the fact it really is the way to be, of course! Yes, in an idealised version of my existence I'd have had the work done... but I'd have had the work done, stayed well, sold the flat, done some travelling, met some other being who thought I was the best thing since un-sliced bread and not be spending the nine hundred and seventy first consecutive Saturday night of it (poetic licence here, don't do the math!) home alone watching TV and pretending I'm 'talking' to people who actually have better things to do!
Anyway, I'm grateful to Clive for finding time to pop over and have a chat and a coffee with me in a cafe and do some things for me about the place that I've been unable to do. I give thanks that the weather turned out quite pleasant afterall and we were able to spend few mins in the sunshine looking at the deserted sands. I give thanks for the enormous choux bun he bought me! I give thanks that I've found another acceptable temporary arrangement of living room furniture and effects while another area of wall has been exposed for my attention. Oh yeah, and I'm glad I've stopped giving it my attention and have moved on to the 'and relax' phase of the day! For TV and more Tesco ready meals (with fresh veg of course!) and for not beating myself up about not cooking for the second day in a row...
Spice of life
I have some more thanks for yesterday...The bright moon shining through a gap in the cloud and making white stripe on the dark sea. At least I think that's what it was...it might have been someone in a very small boat with a very big torch! And later for it lighting up the whole of the visible sea. At least I think that's what it was...it might have been a space ship hiding behind a tree... For noticing what a different sound the breeze makes blowing through the drying leaves on the trees.
For Tesco's very yummy sag aloo and pilau rice which I had for my tea. I've not bought things like that from them before but they used to do an excellent veggie korma before they started limiting themselves to meat ones so, as on special offer I thought I'd give them a try. Shall definitely be adding those to my regular orders along with their vegetable samosas.
For Dr Chowdrey for finding me five mins. I've heard she's good but have never spoken to her before as because so many think she is you have to wait a week or two for an appointment, and when I need a doctor I usually can't wait that long. She seemed very pleasant and on the ball anyway and, although there are of course benefits to having a particular GP you always deal with (especially if you like the way they deal!), there's a lot to be said for having made contact with everybody on the team so you are not strangers if your paths cross again. Just have to get out and get my prescription now...
For Ivor's kind thoughts, for Lynn being 'back' (not that she ever really went away)
For Tesco's very yummy sag aloo and pilau rice which I had for my tea. I've not bought things like that from them before but they used to do an excellent veggie korma before they started limiting themselves to meat ones so, as on special offer I thought I'd give them a try. Shall definitely be adding those to my regular orders along with their vegetable samosas.
For Dr Chowdrey for finding me five mins. I've heard she's good but have never spoken to her before as because so many think she is you have to wait a week or two for an appointment, and when I need a doctor I usually can't wait that long. She seemed very pleasant and on the ball anyway and, although there are of course benefits to having a particular GP you always deal with (especially if you like the way they deal!), there's a lot to be said for having made contact with everybody on the team so you are not strangers if your paths cross again. Just have to get out and get my prescription now...
For Ivor's kind thoughts, for Lynn being 'back' (not that she ever really went away)
Friday, 7 October 2011
Light diet
I'm grateful I went out yesterday as quite unwell today and in a lot of pain. I'm grateful I'm up and have done a few chores. People sometimes say 'Oh, you do so much!' but often I wouldn't if I didn't have to, I can assure you. You can't even rest and take plenty of fluids if you live alone! Well, not unless as Carole once suggested you move your bed into the kitchen first! In times of extreme nausea I've been known to wander round the flat with a bucket but I suspect that's too much information, eh?
I'm grateful that I also changed the bedlinen yesterday and it's all soft and smooth and fresh and fragrant if I give up and go back later! And I'm thankful that somewhat grudgingly the receptionist has agreed a doctor will call at some point even though they've no actual telephone appointment slots left.
I'm grateful I've managed to eat a little and that Tesco will be delivering in case I feel like I can eat some more. I also give thanks that I don't live in Scotland as the food is dangerous there. I was reading earlier of people hospitalised after entering a hot curry eating competition and someone else murdered in a row over garlic bread!
I'm grateful that I repotted my tallest palm (a little taller than me!) without mishap and that it looks happy and comfy in it's new pot. I've been putting this off for a couple of weeks despite having lugged the new pot and bag of compost into the kitchen from my down-a-flight storeroom and left them in the middle of the floor! I kind of hoped this would spur me on and eventually of course it has!
I'm grateful that I also changed the bedlinen yesterday and it's all soft and smooth and fresh and fragrant if I give up and go back later! And I'm thankful that somewhat grudgingly the receptionist has agreed a doctor will call at some point even though they've no actual telephone appointment slots left.
I'm grateful I've managed to eat a little and that Tesco will be delivering in case I feel like I can eat some more. I also give thanks that I don't live in Scotland as the food is dangerous there. I was reading earlier of people hospitalised after entering a hot curry eating competition and someone else murdered in a row over garlic bread!
I'm grateful that I repotted my tallest palm (a little taller than me!) without mishap and that it looks happy and comfy in it's new pot. I've been putting this off for a couple of weeks despite having lugged the new pot and bag of compost into the kitchen from my down-a-flight storeroom and left them in the middle of the floor! I kind of hoped this would spur me on and eventually of course it has!
Thursday, 6 October 2011
Homing instinct
I've been having a BIG rest this late afternoon, early evening. It's been a fine clear day...mostly! There's a blustery breeze nudging clouds across the sky and sometimes when it shows down we've had a shower but brilliant sunshine in between. I was at a bus stop earlier and some very dark clouds were coming over in one direction but what puzzled me was the rain seemed to be falling in the other where there was still full sunlight. Then I realised I was looking at the spray from a car wash!
I didn't feel like doing very much today but not like doing nothing at all and anyway the bedding needed changing and the living room's in too much chaos to relax in in daylight hours so I had to get off my proverbial and do something. So I caught a bus to a diy chain store and picked up some carryable things that will soon be required including a litre of water based satinwood for an old set of shelves I'm sprucing up. It goes in a corner between the sofa and the wall and didn't show that much but when the wall's freshly papered and painted it will look even more tired and grubby than in does now, so, as no one's really going to notice if it's not done very well I thought I'd have a go myself. Of course getting the paint means I'm now too tired to use it but it's here ready for when I am too.
I'm grateful for having just enough get up and go to get up and go and for the pretty outward journey with the sparkly water, swaying trees and clear view of the tors. It's quite a while since I've been on a bus and I enjoyed seeing the countryside, the windsurfers on the river and a bank of allotments with a fine crop of pampas grass. I'm grateful they had what I wanted in one shop as shopping around is hard when you have no car.
On the way back I couldn't make it up the stairs on the bus to get the most stunning views, and the lower deck was crowded so I was relieved there was a 'disabled' seat left...but these are the ones behind the big pictures on the windows and I always think it's like a penalty for being able to ride for free! The pictures are local scenes and I've nothing against them per se but why not put them on the metal instead of the glass so passengers can look through the windows at the real scenes? Anyway I was wondering all this, and vaguely trying to identify which local hilly coastal area dotted with trees and white buildings I was seeing in reverse when it began to dawn on me that four inches away from the tip of my nose was the image of the terrace I live in! How bizarre!
I'm grateful for a bit of random synchronicity, something that never fails to delight. I'm grateful I can take it easy this evening, that there's lefovers left to eat. I'm grateful for another interesting letter from Kostas my incarcarated penfriend...and for another letter offering me an MRI scan at half past nine on a Sunday morning! No, I'm fibbing about that, I'm grateful they were willing to change the appointment time when I gave them a call!
I didn't feel like doing very much today but not like doing nothing at all and anyway the bedding needed changing and the living room's in too much chaos to relax in in daylight hours so I had to get off my proverbial and do something. So I caught a bus to a diy chain store and picked up some carryable things that will soon be required including a litre of water based satinwood for an old set of shelves I'm sprucing up. It goes in a corner between the sofa and the wall and didn't show that much but when the wall's freshly papered and painted it will look even more tired and grubby than in does now, so, as no one's really going to notice if it's not done very well I thought I'd have a go myself. Of course getting the paint means I'm now too tired to use it but it's here ready for when I am too.
I'm grateful for having just enough get up and go to get up and go and for the pretty outward journey with the sparkly water, swaying trees and clear view of the tors. It's quite a while since I've been on a bus and I enjoyed seeing the countryside, the windsurfers on the river and a bank of allotments with a fine crop of pampas grass. I'm grateful they had what I wanted in one shop as shopping around is hard when you have no car.
On the way back I couldn't make it up the stairs on the bus to get the most stunning views, and the lower deck was crowded so I was relieved there was a 'disabled' seat left...but these are the ones behind the big pictures on the windows and I always think it's like a penalty for being able to ride for free! The pictures are local scenes and I've nothing against them per se but why not put them on the metal instead of the glass so passengers can look through the windows at the real scenes? Anyway I was wondering all this, and vaguely trying to identify which local hilly coastal area dotted with trees and white buildings I was seeing in reverse when it began to dawn on me that four inches away from the tip of my nose was the image of the terrace I live in! How bizarre!
I'm grateful for a bit of random synchronicity, something that never fails to delight. I'm grateful I can take it easy this evening, that there's lefovers left to eat. I'm grateful for another interesting letter from Kostas my incarcarated penfriend...and for another letter offering me an MRI scan at half past nine on a Sunday morning! No, I'm fibbing about that, I'm grateful they were willing to change the appointment time when I gave them a call!
Blessings
Good morning everyone, hope you are all in UNreasonably good health and spirits and, if not, that neither the care givers nor the treatment are making the situation worse! Good morning Lynn, your comment's appeared but your picture has disappeared as a follower. Hello Juliet though who has filled the gap - literally - which is why I didn't notice straight away! Hi Pat, the specialist ice cream shops shut but you can still buy a reduced range of the stuff at other outlets every day but Christmas Day!
I'm very creaky this morning as result of putting my energy burst to good use yesterday. I hope I can summon up a little more as Laura's busy the next week or two and there is so very much still to do. I'm very grateful for her input so far and delighted and astonished by mine! As anyone who decorates (properly) knows the tedious, time consuming prep takes at least as long as than the more flamboyant and prestigious finishing processes but in small stages I've got a remarkarkable amount done if I remember to look at it from the perspective of my current capabilities not a 'normal' person's. I'm not sure what normal is though...are you? It came to my attention the other day that there are women my age who have never used polyfiller (no quips about make up please!) How can this be? Oh, I get it, they have men who use it for them while they cook the tea or whatever. Of course, there are many men who have never cooked the tea or whatever. How manifestly strange...though I guess it works if they pair up appropriately.
Although many of these skills are but a memory now I give the deepest sincere thanks for being a being who could fill holes AND make tea, who could make up a recipe and bake a cake and make up a pattern and knit a jumper and crochet and sew and wallpaper and paint and put up a shelf and rewire a light fitting and make jewelry and grow veg and walk for miles and dance for hours and write stories and poetry and music and play it and songs and sing them. I could do all these things and more. How lucky have I been? How blessed? Inconceivably...
I'm very creaky this morning as result of putting my energy burst to good use yesterday. I hope I can summon up a little more as Laura's busy the next week or two and there is so very much still to do. I'm very grateful for her input so far and delighted and astonished by mine! As anyone who decorates (properly) knows the tedious, time consuming prep takes at least as long as than the more flamboyant and prestigious finishing processes but in small stages I've got a remarkarkable amount done if I remember to look at it from the perspective of my current capabilities not a 'normal' person's. I'm not sure what normal is though...are you? It came to my attention the other day that there are women my age who have never used polyfiller (no quips about make up please!) How can this be? Oh, I get it, they have men who use it for them while they cook the tea or whatever. Of course, there are many men who have never cooked the tea or whatever. How manifestly strange...though I guess it works if they pair up appropriately.
Although many of these skills are but a memory now I give the deepest sincere thanks for being a being who could fill holes AND make tea, who could make up a recipe and bake a cake and make up a pattern and knit a jumper and crochet and sew and wallpaper and paint and put up a shelf and rewire a light fitting and make jewelry and grow veg and walk for miles and dance for hours and write stories and poetry and music and play it and songs and sing them. I could do all these things and more. How lucky have I been? How blessed? Inconceivably...
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Layers
Wow! Listen to the rain...I thought I'd left a tap running somewhere! The wind isn't quite howling but rumbling and groaning and hissing and whistling. Lovely jubbly...more meteorological phenomena to enjoy!
This evening I give thanks to Laura for doing a bit of woodwork painting for me...the window frame and a bit of picture rail in the living room band and also one side of two doors. I give thanks to Rachel for the effects of her acupuncture which has given me a bit more energy than I've had for a while...and to me for using it to do a bit more prep in the living room. I've stripped a bit more old paint off the picture rail which is a lot easier than it sounds if you get the scraper knife between the right layers. Thank you to whoever prepped the lower layer so badly in the past that this is possible, ha ha!
I'm thankful to the ebay seller who had a big reel of just the right sort of ribbon to trim my new curtains on offer at a reasonable price and who wrapped it up and sent it straight away so that it was here next day!
I'm thankful that there's nothing at first glance that appeals on scheduled TV so I can catch up on lots of QI, Coach Trip and Come Dine with Me I've recorded...until I fall asleep that is!
And I'm grateful to Mr Kipling for baking exceedingly good cakes...Ha ha, only joking, I'd almost rather eat the boxes! I AM grateful to whoever it was who lived in Eccles and thought of wrapping currants and sugar in buttery puff pastry...and I shall prove it after I've had my tea which is ready, so very soon now!
This evening I give thanks to Laura for doing a bit of woodwork painting for me...the window frame and a bit of picture rail in the living room band and also one side of two doors. I give thanks to Rachel for the effects of her acupuncture which has given me a bit more energy than I've had for a while...and to me for using it to do a bit more prep in the living room. I've stripped a bit more old paint off the picture rail which is a lot easier than it sounds if you get the scraper knife between the right layers. Thank you to whoever prepped the lower layer so badly in the past that this is possible, ha ha!
I'm thankful to the ebay seller who had a big reel of just the right sort of ribbon to trim my new curtains on offer at a reasonable price and who wrapped it up and sent it straight away so that it was here next day!
I'm thankful that there's nothing at first glance that appeals on scheduled TV so I can catch up on lots of QI, Coach Trip and Come Dine with Me I've recorded...until I fall asleep that is!
And I'm grateful to Mr Kipling for baking exceedingly good cakes...Ha ha, only joking, I'd almost rather eat the boxes! I AM grateful to whoever it was who lived in Eccles and thought of wrapping currants and sugar in buttery puff pastry...and I shall prove it after I've had my tea which is ready, so very soon now!
Favourites
This morning I'm grateful that the sun has stopped shining quite so brightly and I can stay in bed not feeling I'm missing a beautiful day...though all days are beautiful of course in their own way. It's just that some (like some people) have more obvious charisma and charm and you want to get closer to them as much as you possibly can! I know sometimes people think I don't really mean it when I say I'm grateful for things that they perhaps wouldn't be but trust me, if I say I'm giving thanks for things I mean it. It's important to look beyond the obvious pleasure givers sometimes...
The sky was free of cloud when the sun actually rose and it was too bright to look at directly so I had to content myself with the golden light on the wall. I give thanks for that too - very pretty!
But I think my favourite dawns will always be when it's misty and you can watch the sun come up and not be dazzled. Here is a bleary eyed picture of the sun clearing the trees taken through my bedroom window a few days ago. There's not much else can get me upright before 8am!
I'm grateful my upstairs neighbour was in a stupor all yesterday sleeping off her shenanigans of the last few nights so I didn't even realise she was home for many hours. And I give thanks that she'd gone out again!
I give thanks that during the course of writing this in stages...I've managed to get up and dressed in stages too and it's actually still just about morning!
The sky was free of cloud when the sun actually rose and it was too bright to look at directly so I had to content myself with the golden light on the wall. I give thanks for that too - very pretty!
I'm grateful my upstairs neighbour was in a stupor all yesterday sleeping off her shenanigans of the last few nights so I didn't even realise she was home for many hours. And I give thanks that she'd gone out again!
I give thanks that during the course of writing this in stages...I've managed to get up and dressed in stages too and it's actually still just about morning!
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
5 more feelgoods
*Being treated like a valued patient rather than just another chore at the comfy Mardon centre
*A vintage episode of CSI where they explained what wifi was!
*Excellent acupuncture treatment that left me feeling human for a while
*Lemon meringue ice cream (they'd run out of marmalade flavour) in a chocolate waffle cone and a last bit of pleasant weather to enjoy it in
*Remembering it's OK to stop...as my goodness I need to sometimes!
*A vintage episode of CSI where they explained what wifi was!
*Excellent acupuncture treatment that left me feeling human for a while
*Lemon meringue ice cream (they'd run out of marmalade flavour) in a chocolate waffle cone and a last bit of pleasant weather to enjoy it in
*Remembering it's OK to stop...as my goodness I need to sometimes!
Big C, little pleasures
Ugh! So sleepy! Hoped concentrating on this might help...
Grateful for a car to take me to the hospital...hope it's someone who doesn't want too much chitter chatter.
Grateful I don't yet have to rely on strangers for everything...if you can't be with those you love sometimes alone is best.
Grateful I'm awake before the alarm...time for a cuppa while the water for ablutions heats up.
Grateful for the 'big C'. Meant to write about this yesterday but forgot. There was quite a breeze and the best shelter from this in sight of the sea was under the curve of the C shaped sea wall. It's built like that to help defend the town from the power of the waves but the effect if you're sitting right under it is amplification of their sound. Tiny little tricklets can be landing on the shore but you hear mighty breakers!
...and for identifying the strange faint musical whistling sound I could hear whilst walking across the promenade to the steps down onto the sand. It was the wind blowing through the sipping hole in the lid of my takeaway cup!
I'm grateful I'm off to the separate specialist neurological centre which is part of the NHS hospital but next door to the private one and slightly more influenced by the latter in decorative style. I must admit to a fondness for the already old fashioned hospital buildings of my youth with fancy brickwork outside and bulbous pipes and radiators within. They were deemed difficult to clean...but no one cleans hospitals properly nowadays anyway, ha ha!
I'm grateful the heatwave has broken so the trip won't waste a sunny day and that my upstairs partying neighbour and friends stayed all night on the other side of the building so I could get some sleep. Look...awake enough for real sentences already!
Grateful for a car to take me to the hospital...hope it's someone who doesn't want too much chitter chatter.
Grateful I don't yet have to rely on strangers for everything...if you can't be with those you love sometimes alone is best.
Grateful I'm awake before the alarm...time for a cuppa while the water for ablutions heats up.
Grateful for the 'big C'. Meant to write about this yesterday but forgot. There was quite a breeze and the best shelter from this in sight of the sea was under the curve of the C shaped sea wall. It's built like that to help defend the town from the power of the waves but the effect if you're sitting right under it is amplification of their sound. Tiny little tricklets can be landing on the shore but you hear mighty breakers!
...and for identifying the strange faint musical whistling sound I could hear whilst walking across the promenade to the steps down onto the sand. It was the wind blowing through the sipping hole in the lid of my takeaway cup!
I'm grateful I'm off to the separate specialist neurological centre which is part of the NHS hospital but next door to the private one and slightly more influenced by the latter in decorative style. I must admit to a fondness for the already old fashioned hospital buildings of my youth with fancy brickwork outside and bulbous pipes and radiators within. They were deemed difficult to clean...but no one cleans hospitals properly nowadays anyway, ha ha!
I'm grateful the heatwave has broken so the trip won't waste a sunny day and that my upstairs partying neighbour and friends stayed all night on the other side of the building so I could get some sleep. Look...awake enough for real sentences already!
Monday, 3 October 2011
Making waves
There was a tiny puppy on the beach today...I've seen bigger shoes! I think it might have been the first time its owner had brought it as she kept trying to get the little thing interested in the sea but it was as if the sea was just too big for it to notice. When it got its feet wet it ran back up onto the dry sand but otherwise no reaction. The tide had not long turned and quite a few dogs were being exercised on the gradually growing strip of beach so the puppy was more fascinated by the smells than anything else until a first a large stick and then a large wet Labrador hurtled past it. It watched for a moment or two apparently assessing the situation and then dashed off on hot pursuit! Made me laugh out loud...thanks for that, pup!
It reminded me of the first time Fraser saw the sea. He was older as we lived inland but not yet fully grown. There were a few of us went to the coast and we parked the car close by the shore and headed towards it. Fraser was trotting along beside me when suddenly he caught sight of the water and he stopped stock still and gazed and gazed and gazed. I let him off the lead but he still just stood there, until someone finally threw a stick for him and after a few seconds' hesitation he literally took the plunge, jumped in and went swimming after it.
I give thanks for the happy sight of happy people and dogs enjoying the last of the summer. And for being one of them! It was a real effort to get down there today but never put off til tomorrow what you may never have the chance to do again! I gazed and gazed and gazed and also remembered my dream last night in which I was doing just that but with the purpose of making waves. I'd stare at the mostly flat water for a while and a ridge of water would begin to emerge and grow in length and height and until it could roll in to break on the sand, then I'd make another! I was quite proud of my new skill and showing it to people but it wasn't called making waves in my dream...I can't remember what it was though!
This evening I'm very tired and grateful for leftovers from tea last night to heat up if I can summon an appetite when I've finished typing (and re-typing) this. I hope Tony's feeling better, that Carole continues to beat the NHS into submission and Pat's appointment goes OK. I had to phone the community nursing team twice today to confirm they'd remembered to come today instead of tomorrow. The first time I left a message as I couldn't get through, the second time they said they'd no record of me calling last week about the change, then someone turned up and we joked that I'd probably get someone tomorrow as well (or lots of frantic messages as I won't be here) and then about half an hour after that another nurse turned up unaware that the first one has been.
Let's hope patient transport is a bit more organised. I phoned them earlier to confirm by booking and they said yes they'd confirmed it with the driver and he'd be there but usually the driver actually gets in touch with you persoanlly to agree times and any other other arrangements and it seems they've discontinued this useful practice. I volunteered to work for them some time ago but my health deteriorated too much for reliable attendance before they'd completed all the police checks etc and I had to back out.
I've been making some things for them to sell at fundraising events. Not waves, but a cushion cover with a wavy border and a soft fluffy scarf with multi coloured flecks in. I'm grateful for the fun I had making these and I hope they are grateful to receive them!
It reminded me of the first time Fraser saw the sea. He was older as we lived inland but not yet fully grown. There were a few of us went to the coast and we parked the car close by the shore and headed towards it. Fraser was trotting along beside me when suddenly he caught sight of the water and he stopped stock still and gazed and gazed and gazed. I let him off the lead but he still just stood there, until someone finally threw a stick for him and after a few seconds' hesitation he literally took the plunge, jumped in and went swimming after it.
I give thanks for the happy sight of happy people and dogs enjoying the last of the summer. And for being one of them! It was a real effort to get down there today but never put off til tomorrow what you may never have the chance to do again! I gazed and gazed and gazed and also remembered my dream last night in which I was doing just that but with the purpose of making waves. I'd stare at the mostly flat water for a while and a ridge of water would begin to emerge and grow in length and height and until it could roll in to break on the sand, then I'd make another! I was quite proud of my new skill and showing it to people but it wasn't called making waves in my dream...I can't remember what it was though!
This evening I'm very tired and grateful for leftovers from tea last night to heat up if I can summon an appetite when I've finished typing (and re-typing) this. I hope Tony's feeling better, that Carole continues to beat the NHS into submission and Pat's appointment goes OK. I had to phone the community nursing team twice today to confirm they'd remembered to come today instead of tomorrow. The first time I left a message as I couldn't get through, the second time they said they'd no record of me calling last week about the change, then someone turned up and we joked that I'd probably get someone tomorrow as well (or lots of frantic messages as I won't be here) and then about half an hour after that another nurse turned up unaware that the first one has been.
Let's hope patient transport is a bit more organised. I phoned them earlier to confirm by booking and they said yes they'd confirmed it with the driver and he'd be there but usually the driver actually gets in touch with you persoanlly to agree times and any other other arrangements and it seems they've discontinued this useful practice. I volunteered to work for them some time ago but my health deteriorated too much for reliable attendance before they'd completed all the police checks etc and I had to back out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
