Still life

Energy levels are funny things aren't they? You can feel like a two toed sloth with a hangover sometimes but push yourself a bit and start behaving more like a squirrel with three Weetabix inside them (more like, take note, not just like!). That was me Friday when I went out...probably why the real squirrel came up to say hello...Then sometimes you are more like a flying fox and just glide...that was me yesterday dealing with all manner of mental and physical chores and having fun whilst about it...and today well I'm more like a very old tortoise that you have to check closely for signs of life and would tip over rather than speed up if you gave it a shove so the trick is just to accept this and go with the very slow flow. But I'm a very content tortoise...Hey it's the first proper Sunday we've had for a while...it would be foolish not to take full advantage of the 'day of rest' feeling and I'm delighted I've been doing so!

I'm grateful I got my pajamas so wet when I was washing my hair and I had to put proper clothes on eventually and I'm grateful I wanted spinach and filo pie so much I actually made some with cherry tomatoes and pine nuts in too. Yum yum! I'm grateful for lots of mindless TV and for the far from mindless Sherlock. I'm loving this modern take, totally gripping and funny too! I'm grateful also for the sight of a curiously coloured sea earlier. Or rather not colored, just shades of grey with no hint of blue or green or purple or brown which is most unusual and for the almost supernatural stillness. Well it seemed so after all the winds of the last few days, and matched those energy levels perfectly!

Resolution

Ha ha! Having wrestled with my decision for a day and resolved upon a course of action, the opportunity to proceed refused to present itself. Oh well, it will come eventually or not as the case may be, I thought. I'm aware it's often the process of finding out what is right to/for us in these inner debates that matters more than what happens afterwards as that depends on many other factors too. So last night I decided to chill a bit instead...

I give thanks for a delightful episode of QIXL I had not seen before. I recorded the last series but have yet to catch up with them all. This one was very droll with 'quite interesting' facts and good banter too. I'm very grateful for that programme, it always raises a smile and a chuckle but rarely as many as that one. I watched a programme about the programme once and all the people involved in the production seemed to think it was interesting and fun to be involved in too. Apart from being a view inspector as per my dream a while back, I think being a QI 'elf', a person who delves for irrelevant but fascinating information and gets paid to do it would suit me very well.

After writing that I couldn't get to sleep and wrestled with the dilemma a bit more, finally deciding to write a letter. This had to be very carefully worded and during the course of the writing the situation changed some more but I decided to print it anyway and take it with me to acupuncture for a second opinion from Rachel. Only the laptop and printer wouldn't recognise each other after the software change and I couldn't resolve that by leaving time.

Never mind, I had a good chat with Rachel about the matter and all manner of other things and we managed to fit in a cup of tea and an acupuncture session too! I felt much better afterwards and am really looking forward to going back to every week again now. I had a little walk along the almost deserted sea front looking at the many vessels on the horizon sheltering from the storms I suppose. They used to do that quite often in the winter and when we came home on the evening train from work and saw the bracelet of lights encircling the bay it gave us a nice cosy feeling, and hopefully the crews too. Since then there have been several occasions when the weather has been fine but the recession has meant lots of idle cargo shipping hanging around. It looks the same but the reason's not such a comforting thought, though. Much gratitude for big boats and little needles...and for someone bringing me a cup of tea...always a rare and rejuvenating treat!

I felt like walking further. I felt quite brimming with vim and vigour but the sun was just dipping prettily behind the trees on the hill and I had to get home to take an antibiotic so came over all realistic and came home. You can't save unspent energy like money (when you do it's called obesity ha ha!) but as I'm coming to the end of that particular course of pills I should have a few days of feeling fairly well and combined with the acupuncture boost I ought to be up to a trip out somewhere for a few hours. Just the thought of that is exciting even if it doesn't come to fruition, though when I think about the reality of what is actually possible on local public transport within the short winter daylight hours maybe the planning will use up a lot of that energy!

Anyway I hope you are snug and warm and the wind has not done any serious damage to your property or neighbourhood. There's just been enough to be a bit exciting round here. Well if you like wind which some people don't of course. I think it's great! I must away and watch Nothing to Declare - my current Sky TV crush.

Madelle

I woke up this morning rather later than planned to a bright clear blue sky. I might have been more tempted to get up and go out and enjoy it if I hadn't been up later than planned admiring the bright clear starry sky last night. I give thanks for sight of both of the above and for feeling slightly more vigorous today and up to considering going out at all.

All weathers have their charm. I loved this view 'out the back' yesterday but didn't feel bodily fit enough to go out and prove my mental health was debatable...




I'm grateful I've washed up and managed to brush the tangles out of my hair (no mean feat these days) and sorted out some things to go to the recycling bins so I do have to get downstairs and out of the door at least! I'm not so grateful that the blog post I wrote during sit downs between chores I managed to delete. I shouldn't write in the actual blog on an actual keyboard I know, as if my flailing feeling reduced fingers hit control + all manner of other keys all manner of chaos can ensue... There's no point in being cross with myself though I usually feel more like being cross when it feels as if I in some way to blame rather than it being 'someone else's fault'. It's always your own fault if you're cross, ha ha!

I've ordered the aforementioned Kicker boots. They are boys rather than girls or ladies as for some reason they are prettier! They are in La Redoute sale. It's a mail order company(easier than 'real' shopping for me) and is French based and so has my abbreviated title as Madelle. Rather appropriate I think...

Heaven only knows what other pearls of wisdom I planned to share with you that have disappeared into the internet ether. I'm showered and dressed now and on the verge of the final stage of departure so shall hit 'publish' (I hope) and move on...Consider yourselves as getting off lightly I say!

Deep blue sea

Oh my that was good! Out to Sprey point in the mizzly drizzly rain and then back along the beach as the tide was way out. Gratitude for storm high sand although the sea was calm so that the pipes and groynes and other obstacles along the way were easier to negotiate. And for getting back to town just as the real rain started to collect pills and other essentials/non essentials including a hot drink and toasted teacake in a steamy cafe til the weather eased again...and a new top in a sale in case I'm invited anywhere for New Year's Eve. Statistically this is most unlikely but it made a good excuse, ha ha! Much gratitude for free prescriptions for cancer patients, I've hammered that certificate in the last few years. And that when I couldn't face being cooped up in a cab to get home so I forced myself back along the darkening seafront and back up the hill on foot. Beautiful colours as you can see...everything was shades of grey earlier on but my camera said the battery was flat and it wouldn't let me show you....Later on, clearly finding the afternoon as rejuvenating as I did, they lurched back to life!

Actually, I'm as tired and aching now as if I'd been on a big hike but that was the idea after all - the point of the exercise you might say! There are bits of me that still haven't accepted that I'm ill and I have to let them out to play sometimes even though the old cranky sick parts grumble about it. Gratitude for getting home without running into Mrs upstairs and her partner in crime. It's all over the front page of the local paper today though no names are mentioned...

Much thanks too for Sky Arts putting on a few programmes lately about Cirque du Soleil. I would love to see them live but couldn't face all the travelling to and round and staying in a big city on my own any more and don't know anyone who would love to do it too enough to fork out the money for a ticket, or who loves me enough to accept one for free in return for escort services. Yeah, sometimes being on your own sucks, ha ha! And thanks to Tony for his message. Hope you and lovely Derbyshire are doing OK.

Blow by blow

Ooh listen to the howling wind...I love that! It's not actually very windy here down south but I'm high enough up a hill and a building to get the impression without the damage. I know some people hate the sound but for those who do my top tip in our double glazed life is not to quite lock shut your frames so that there's just enough break in the seal to get the impression without the draught. On second thoughts maybe only advisable if you live where only giants could break in!

I meant to get back to my blog last night but needed to rest instead. I needed to rest so much I fell asleep in Q3 and woke up to see everyone patting Vettel on the back so I decided I hadn't missed much!

So to catch up on the rest of the good news:

*I give thanks to Pat for her compliments (not 'complements' which is how you spell alternative...you get an education here, ha ha!),
*for all butter shortbread biscuits - even cheapy store brand ones are delicious
*and for remembering the even yummier ones an ex boyfriend's mother did
*for the purply colour tree trunks and branches go just before darkness
*for a random clump of sunset pink clouds in the north yesterday evening when the rest of the sky was uniformly grey. It either hadn't read the Ladybird book of weather or was just had a rebellious nature...
*for finding a way of leaving my sofa/bed/thingy in the middle of the room while I work on the skirting board behind it
*for working on it a bit
*for stopping

Dreamtime

Good weekend to all of you! I hope you're doing fine... The weather round here would be ideal for outdoor pursuits like a walk or some garden clearing and in spirit I'm doing those kinds of things tho my fleshly body has been no further than the bins. I give thanks for the chance to sniff the soft air and admire the hazy sunlight and crown of cloud on the hill and be reminded me of what I'd like to do rather more than take the rubbish out.

I'm grateful that the ginger haired part time vegetarian everyone had written off won on Come Dine with Me this week. Not that I'm biassed or biased of course! (Dictionary jury seems to out on the spelling of that one and I can't decide which I prefer myself...) I'm grateful for some Lush treats for bath time. Even tho I can't get all of me wet I can still have a fragrant soak of the bits I may...in fact I can get three of my mini baths out of one Dreamtime bath melt now! I'm grateful for Green & Black's 70% Dark Chocolate and for Tropicana orange and ruby grapefruit juice though perhaps not at the same time! And for the sight of day fading into night at the beautiful Abu Dhabi marina race track. I forget to look at the cars sometimes... becoming entranced by the big boats and curvaceous buildings and pretty lights. And I give thanks for all the random mail order catalogues I seem to be on the address lists for. I ticked the wrong box somewhere sometime I guess and they exasperate me really but today I thought I'd look through them all and it's actually quite fun dreaming about what I might buy even though I probably won't!

Presents of mind

Thank you for you comments folks. Yes Lynn, it was indeed cheesy, apart from the wildebeest - yuk! And Pat I don't know what you mean, ha ha!

It's such a lovely cwtchity day here. Cwtch is a Welsh word for a sort of comforting cuddle, by the way, nothing to do with your...er...'cooch'! It's what I also call a crumpets day if that makes any more sense to you. I would like to express extreme gratitude for not being out in it but for being able to listen and watch from snug indoors. I give thanks for the sound of the wind hurling the rain at double glazed windows and the sight of the lights in the gloom on the hillside at the back. Sometimes when it's foggy it looks like it's actually snowing up there but it's not! I give thanks for a tasty spinach and feta pie and for discovering how easy they are to make! I've got no crumpets and not much of an appetite so I needed to think of something I'd eat whether I meant to or not...It goes surpisingly well with Earl Grey tea so you'ld better not come to my house for Come Dine with Me as that's what you might get!

The carpet man couldn't make it but I give thanks for my Tesco delivery. I don't know if it's due to some emotional lack in my updragging or my mission to find as much enjoyment in all that I possibly can...but when the driver had gone and I turned to look at two trays of assorted groceries and other bits and bobs I found myself saying 'Mmmm...presents!' in my best Homer Simpson voice. I guess even though I choose and pay for goods and the service, the fact that they are in my flat with no further effort than that on my part makes them seem like gifts to me!

I give thanks for Holy Flying Circus which I've paused to finish writing this! It feels even more cwtchy to settle down to watch something feature length than shorter but on BBC4 - where so many good feature length things are (much gratitude!) there aren't advert breaks to stop and pop and do bits of this and that) I recorded it awhile back (digital recording - more gratitude for that) and it's as entertaining as it should be. The Palin and Cleese characters are especially convincing as the themselves. I was too young for the original comedy anarchy of Monty Python but of an age to remember the uproar about Life of Brian...and enjoy the film immensely when available. That reminds me...Your random fact for today. Mary Whitehouse, self appointed guardian of the nation's morals taught my son's dad. Not very effectively I guess!

Zen and the art of shopping

Mmm...finished the omelette I made last night for my lunch. It was thick with onions and mushrooms and spuds...deliberately made too big to eat all at once as I knew how delicious it would be today! I needed a hot snack when I got back from shopping in the little city. No that's not a misprint or a dream but something I actually did achieve today. I'd put a few minutes worth of energy aside each day all week and when I had enough saved up I planned a quick route around the shops I had to go to (all close to one station) arranged it so there'd be a rough sea to marvel at on the journey and strong winds and heavy showers...but only when I was under cover so everyone else less clever with the weather stayed home out of my way! I seemed to know exactly where to go to find the things I'd gone for at just the right prices...And when I needed a refreshment break I found a cafe with no one else in it giving away free fresh homemade cake with every drink purchased!

There's at least fifteen things I'm grateful for in the paragraph above but despite cabs to and fro from the station and lots of sitting down on the trip I've run out of the energy I had stored up and need to recharge now!

Thinking of all of you with hospital visits this week and wishing you what you'd wish for yourselves or something even better!

The dog and pineapple

It sounds like a pub name doesn't it? Some sort of eatery perhaps like the Slug and Lettuce? Actually it's what I saw outside the Co op earlier. A dog waiting patiently or otherwise by the door is fairly common occurrence but you don't often see a loosely wrapped fresh pineapple by their side! I give thanks for being on the spot at just the right time to catch this anomoly.

Gratitude too to Rachel for excellent acupuncture and, just as beneficial in its own way, perceptive comprehension of my sometimes unconventional thought processes and emotional responses. How lucky I was to find someone so sympathetic to my ways!

Gratitude that the weather cleared up by the time I went out and for finding a carved pumpkin lantern on the doorstep downstairs. Still there from Monday night I guess, I haven't been out since Jared brought me home earlier in the late afternoon...heart warming to know the new neighbours aren't the sort to leave themselves or empty bottles there anyway...I told you the neighbourhood was looking up! Gratitude too the carpet shop was shut due to flood damage so that I used the extra town time I'd allocated to sip hot chocolate on the edge of the promenade watching the big waves rolling in. They were the sort that leaves a wide band of white foam behind them and children and dogs were playing chicken with their ebb and flow while surfers rode the swell. Much nicer than buying carpets! I also give thanks for finding, in among the tins of seasonal sweeties, rows of pre-packed meat and racks of alcohol, some actual food to buy at the Dog and Pineapple... sorry, the Co-op, I mean! I can see my new name for it might stick though...

Layers

Wow! Listen to the rain...I thought I'd left a tap running somewhere! The wind isn't quite howling but rumbling and groaning and hissing and whistling. Lovely jubbly...more meteorological phenomena to enjoy!

This evening I give thanks to Laura for doing a bit of woodwork painting for me...the window frame and a bit of picture rail in the living room band and also one side of two doors. I give thanks to Rachel for the effects of her acupuncture which has given me a bit more energy than I've had for a while...and to me for using it to do a bit more prep in the living room. I've stripped a bit more old paint off the picture rail which is a lot easier than it sounds if you get the scraper knife between the right layers. Thank you to whoever prepped the lower layer so badly in the past that this is possible, ha ha!

I'm thankful to the ebay seller who had a big reel of just the right sort of ribbon to trim my new curtains on offer at a reasonable price and who wrapped it up and sent it straight away so that it was here next day!

I'm thankful that there's nothing at first glance that appeals on scheduled TV so I can catch up on lots of QI, Coach Trip and Come Dine with Me I've recorded...until I fall asleep that is!

And I'm grateful to Mr Kipling for baking exceedingly good cakes...Ha ha, only joking, I'd almost rather eat the boxes! I AM grateful to whoever it was who lived in Eccles and thought of wrapping currants and sugar in buttery puff pastry...and I shall prove it after I've had my tea which is ready, so very soon now!

Oceans

Well, I went to the beach. Exhausting but wonderful! Walking down there felt slightly surreal...me in my best summer clothes and the warmth and hazy light and lack of people milling around. I wondered if I'd actually died and was just dreaming it if that makes any sense...

...well, it's what I wondered whether it makes sense or not!
Decided to give the woody uphill path a miss as extra walking involved anyway to get to the sand and extra things to carry. A picture doesn't do the fragrance of it justice... a delicious piney, cedary, resiny smell.

Honestly, look what you people are missing out on not visiting me! You wouldn't even have to sit close by my side...there's loads of space and sand to share, ha ha! I give oceans full of gratitude that I'm ending my days in such a pretty, laid back place. I give thanks for watching dogs playing together and people walking out way beyond the pier into the sea on the narrow sand bank the ebbing tide reveals. I've done that and it's fun and from a distance it looks like you're walking on the water!

When I got home there was a message to book a neurology appointment next week with the Professor I saw a few years ago so that's progress, I also heard from someone I'd contacted about lack of an oncologist's support and he's given me the number of the one who has taken over the caseload of mine who it turns out is off sick. He said he would mention my name and circumstances to her...progress also! Gratitude for these items of news and for some friendly pleasant phone conversations with people I've met in more vigorous days to make necessary arrangements. Thank you Harry, Robert and Tina for making difficult times a little easier...

I give thanks I've caught up with essential things like washing and washing up abandoned earlier on and had some Covent Garden soup to have for my tea. Taking it very easy this evening...mindless TV drifting into bedtime all I have in mind.

PS. Notice there's been no comments for a while...don't have to be, I know...but Lynn says she's been having problems. If anyone else has can you leave a comment letting me know, ha ha! Seriously though are there error messages or what? I'm going to see if I can though that might not tell me much about what happened to you. Maybe it was your work PC telling you you should be!

Here comes the sun

It's been up for a while now, and beginning to disperse the mist. My windows were still too fogged up to see out of at first and I had to swing them open to look. The sun had not long cleared the trees in the communal gardens and the rays seemed to hit me horizontally...and surprisingly warm! I can see the little town across the river now, and the sea though still veiled and soft focussed. I am so happy I live somewhere I can experience and appreciate these wonderful things even when I can't physically be outside.

After the acupuncture, a short walk and a big meal I slept well...from about 8 pm on the sofa! And then after a shower and move to bed I slept a lot more! Less pain and didn't need to take anything for it. I think for now the antibiotics are working...great!

It's dawned on me (unintentional pun) that some of you don't know what 'metta' means...hmm, can I explain? It's the mindful practice of compassion, warmth and well being to all sentient beings. I'm not a 'proper' practicing Buddhist but it's not necessary to give it a go and practice makes perfect eh? You're supposed to direct this loving kindness in stages...to yourself, to those close to you, to those you don't know and even to those you don't like but I tend to forget the first part and have to go back and start again, ha ha! It's a good feeling anyway...highly recommended for calming the mind before sleep, in physical distress or cross with people who don't seem to practice it themselves, ha ha!

Metta's Better

Pleased to report I'm feeling more mellow again after letting off that steam. What is, is...and I've been practising my metta and feel better. I hope the people I thought less than loving thoughts about feel better too. May they be well, may they be happy, may they be at peace...

I'm grateful for less pain this afternoon and this evening so far. Could it be the change of medication? Fingers crossed, eh?

I'm grateful I got a first coat of top coat on couple of metres of woodwork I've been prepping the last couple of weeks. I'm not dextrous enough to do finishing top coat. Heck, I'm not dextrous enough to do a base coat some might say but like myself it looks better in soft light and soft focus!

I'm grateful that sun drenched heatwave hasn't hit us full on here (yet?) to make me miserable I can't enjoy it to the full but it's mild tonight and I'm revelling in the treat of having the windows open in the evening and being able to sniff the smells of darkness...

I'm grateful I bought some chocolate biscuits the other day and that this day I felt like eating some!

I'm grateful that the first part of the Stephen Fry language thing was good. I've read so much stuff and written so many essays regurgitating stuff in recent years it's a pleasant change to see an interesting subject made interesting again. Loved the sign language fable play!

Homework

Watched the race...loved sparkly Singapore by night and the fireworks after best! (I've been to Sinagpore and been on a night cruise around the bay...it was gobsmackingly lovely and sparkly then and that was years ago...)

When my kidney stopped hurting I did some filling on the side of a door frame and a small section of skirting board and wall. And when I recovered from that I did a little bit of paint removing from the picture rail and architraves. There's a (different) place between the layers on each where, if you can get the scraper in the right place, you can remove satisfying size pieces but keep a base coating or two on the wood to start again. Even now I seem to have a knack for this so, although I've tried to pass on the technique, as I can do it quite well myself, I might as well carry on. I'm very slow but it's not as if there's a team of decorators waiting, fresh dipped brushes drying in their hands, waiting for me to finish so they can finish off! I'm grateful for my perseverance in getting things a little more ready in case one day there are though!

I can hardly move now and beginning to feel rough again so I'm also grateful I cooked some aubergine, mushrooms and tomatoes earlier. My appetite is not what it was but I might fancy that in a little while. Loads of garlic in it as usual...my style of cooking has developed in isolation and may have contributed to the fact that I have, ha ha! I'm having a little rest before I start clearing up the mess I made because, as Neil the hippy might say, vacuum cleaners are heavy man!

I'm grateful for the autumny feel and smell in the air. I love seasons...we are so lucky to have them here! When I had my market stalls this was the beginning of the busiest season and I'd be churning out jumpers on my knitting machine, stringing beads etc. I'll have to see if I can find a picture or two of me surrounded by my wares. I'm so grateful I found a way to do things I like and work for myself for so much of my life...Bob says he must be following my example with his own many fingered musical pies.

I'm grateful I've got through (most of) another day...I think it must be hard for many of you to grasp what it's like to have as little human contact as I do, day after day, month after month. I sometimes think that as I'm going to miss out on being numerically old I'm getting to experience some of its hardships early... to make me a more rounded character or something perhaps! Well that 'll come in useful, ha ha! Anyway, thanks once again for your virtual contact and thoughtful comments. And a big well done to Stef for doing what she meant to. PS, still not heard anything from Pat anywhere...I do hope she's OK

Home and dry

Today I give thanks for the fascinatingly changeable weather. I'm particularly grateful I experienced the dark sharp showers from indoors but the sunshine was more cosy warm than I inagined even though the wind kept whipping up a whole race of white horses' tails.

I'm grateful for making pancakes with fresh lemon and demerara sugar for my brunch...I didn't have much of an appetite this morning but I knew once I tasted the first bite I'd want to finish all the batter...

I'm grateful to Bob for sending a selection of indie dvds to watch plus the one of his indoor skydive...looking forward to that!

I give thanks for another great acupuncture session and that Rachel remembered to bring my share of the halva we didn't get round to at her tent last week...

And I'm also grateful for cwtching up on the sofa with a quilt and catch up TV when I got home again!

OMG!

I just saw a proper GP! One who listens, looks at your previous notes for relevant information, examines you thoroughly, makes sensible decisions and takes appropriate action. Of course, after all this I had to explain that falling off my chair wasn't part of the problem! Seriously though, I know I'm a whingey bitch where doctors are concerned but after today's consultation I remembered why. I remembered what it's supposed to be like. You're supposed to feel that someone who knows better than you is taking care of you aren't you? I've racked my brains and I can't remember the last time it felt like that seeing a doctor. Much gratitide for the experience at last!

I also give thanks for the lovely weather I experienced. It was bright albeit blustery and not too cold when I left and by the time I came out of the surgery the wind had died down and it was actually really warm and pleasant enough for a cuppa outside.

Finally today I express gratitude for an exchange in a 2008 musical interview I've just watched with Glen Tilbrook and Chris Difford from Squeeze. Chris was asked if having contentment and everything going well in your life actually made song writing harder. He replied (laughing of course) that he'd never had that so he didn't know! Classic...

Slow, slow, slow-slow, slow

I guess you've all been looking out your windows or over your shoulders today thinking ‘Where is everyone?’ They’re all here in Devon I think, flocking into the shops and cafes I tried to visit and many of them on my train home! Took more than five hours to do the round trip albeit with little sidetracks here and there!

Anyway, Dr Hilton was lovely...I’d forgotten how pleasant and helpful junior doctors can be. I don’t know if it’s years of dealing with bureaucracy and the great British public that wears them down or if they actually take exams in condescension and insulting behaviour to become consultants! As soon as I arrived at reception my notes were delivered to him and a couple of minutes later he came to get me...now that's the kind of service I like! Practically the first thing he said however was ‘I thought you were coming yesterday!’ And I had to explain that I did too until someone rang me up on Wednesday afternoon and said I’m missed my appointment that morning, and he was as mystified as I was. See! You were beginning to wonder if I’d been confused weren’t you?...so was I, ha ha! Anyway whatever, he gave my ear a very vigorous and rather painful vacuuming (yes, I know that's not the technical term but it's actually what they're doing!)  and thinks it will be OK if I keep on using the drops for a bit but to see the doc again for another referral if not. Clearly a man with a sense of humour!

Third gratitude of the day for the very slow but very pretty bus ride...

Fourth for the almost quicker mist that’s just rolled up from the sea...

Fifth for not being able to get some of the shopping I’d intended and there being no taxis left when I got to the rank so my bag was light enough to go for a restorative cuppa at the outdoor cafe instead and make my own way (slower than both the above) back up the hill.

My story will have to wait for now but I won’t forget, I promise

Best intentions

I'm waiting on a call for an urgent ENT referral. Now we didn't see that coming did we? Especially the rather un-confidence inspiring doctor who, on hearing I'd been having acupuncture, asked if the therapist used ear candles as the stuff in my ears looked like smoke! I've never used or seen ear candles used but I thought you lit the end not in your ear? Never mind, I'd rather see a specialist than a doctor who doesn't know, although having said that, my experience of specialists is that although they have the training and expertise to know often they don't care enough to find out! Thinking outside the box for them is likely to involve thinking about the golf course!

This is not always the case of course, and ENT is a whole new ball game for me round here so I await developments and hope the tedious trek to the hospital doesn't wreck one, other or both of two social arrangements I have planned this week...tea at Rachel's tent and the circus (in another sort of tent come to think of it!) with Laura. As you know I don't get out so much these days literally or metaphorically and I would find it hard to be philosophical if I was too tired, or in the wrong place after medical matters to enjoy these treats.

This morning I give thanks firstly for the pretty screen I bought at the end of last year. The idea was to make some privacy for anyone sleeping on the sofa and though there's not been much call for that it does cover the some of the work-in-progress window area (and bare window) nicely at night.

And secondly for the blustery weather. I find wind and showers quite invigorating. The branches of the younger trees are swaying sideways and I imagine them digging their toes (sorry, roots!) deep into the soil to stand up straight.

Cream of Cornish

Wow...I've just had the most amazing afternoon out with my lovely young friend Jared! Originally the idea had been for a picnic out somewhere and he was ready to downsize this to him coming over and cooking us some scallops for sale locally but I persuaded him to trust the increasingly torrential rain would ease and take me out somewhere. Jared's the only driver I know with wanderlust to match mine as a passenger but he told me traffic on the main road to here was dire so it didn't bode well. It was dire getting out of town too so we crossed the river and took the coast road which is usually nose to tail on a summer Saturday but today...just for us...was miraculously quiet. Ninety seven thanks for that! We drove through a fallen cloud and into a beautiful day and to some astonishingly beautiful places neither of us had been to before, just the other side of the county border but off the 'main drag' and remarkably unspoilt. Ooohs and aaahs of delight round every corner. Can't show you pics as I didn't take my camera...that would have been tempting fate weather and scenery wise I thought!! I had no idea what a gobsmackingly perfect route and destination the whim of my finger on the map had found! One hundred and three thanks for that!

Dreamt last night that the Red Arrows were performing outside my flat and one of them crashed into the garden below. Just seen the news, no gratitude for any coincidences there... makes you think though.

There was a possibility some other friends were coming over this weekend too but I heard not long after I got back they weren’t. Probably all for the best, how much excitement could I take? Tired now...going to eat, do some more blanket making and watch All Star Family Fortunes. I’m grateful that even though Tesco were out of stock of several favourite treats they did have their delicious vegetable samosas for our picnic lunch and their rather good spinach and ricotta cannelloni for my tea! Am also extremely grateful my course of antibiotics has finished and don't have to set my alarm for midnight and six am!

Heads or Tails

Before half eight this morning was woken by the sound of torrential rain, by my alarm clock to take my pills and by a young woman shouting, screaming and swearing outside. She was getting more and more frantic and hysterical with some occasionally contributing male but it was too incoherent to tell if he'd really done something as diabolical as she seemed to be suggesting. Put it this way...I'd have been expecting police sirens if so. But she did sound terribly distressed...

It doesn't look like I'm going to the airshow at the moment, it's too cold and wet to sit in a field for four hours not knowing how you're going to get home and without even a companion to talk to about how miserable it is! The visibility is rubbish at the moment too...not good flying weather let alone watching weather. Give it an hour before I decide for sure. Am pretty distressed myself at the prospect of either missing it by not going, or going and missing things because they aren't happening or because I feel too poorly to stay anyway. I can't think of much to be grateful for just now. Ummm...that I have a blog to moan on... That I have a laptop to do it on, and a lapstand to hold it up