Back up

I often get a kind of power surge after acupuncture. It's brilliant but has to be used wisely as you never know how long or strong it will be. One of my favourite things is to walk home via the sea front and up the hill with less moaning and groaning and huffing and puffing than usual. Sometimes I stop at the cafe if it is open but today it was shut. It might have been open earlier but I think perhaps not as the fog was so thick. Standing on the promenade you could see just a few feet to the first wave then nothing. The guys in the coastwatch lookout station said they'd had a fun day together but had had nothing to watch but a seagull or two. Amazing treat to be out and about in it on foot, not in a car.

So what else did I use my power for? Well I painted a couple of square metres of 'hide and seal' emulsion in the bedroom and a couple of linear ones of woodwork and made a yummy vegetable crumble with nutty topping ready for wind down time. Much gratitude for both of those...There's a spare portion in the freezer for when I come out of hospital. I must do what I can to make things easy for then. Most people I know who have had major abdominal surgery need a bit of looking after after but when I've mentioned my fear of the lack of it people either say 'Oh you're so tough, you'll manage' or 'Hmmm yes it will be hard' so unless I keep saying it and someone finally responds 'I'll pop in and see if there's anything I can do' or 'be sure and call if you need help' I'm guessing yes it will be hard and I'll just have to be tough... Going down the five flights of stairs to get the post or take out the rubbish is going to seem like journey to the centre of the earth...and back!

My other car's a Jag

Mmmm, thank you to Rachel for a great acupuncture session, and for tea and chatter after! Oooh and to me for the savoury snacks...little pastries with pesto, cheddar and tomato and red onion, chutney and goat's cheese. Rachel's on a diet so I had to finish them off...sigh!

I'm grateful the combination gave me the boost to walk back up the hill and on the way I passed a man in a black Jaguar with the engine running on a house driveway. I thought it was the one that often has one of those rather comfy looking enclosed motorised wheelchairs outside belonging to a cheery elderly gent, and a look through the open garage door showed this vehicle parked inside. I don't know if he was just starting up the Jag and reversing it down the drive and back for engine maintenance or for his own health and welfare...or whether he'd actually been for a spin...but he should definitely have a sticker on the 'invalid carriage' I think, don't you?

Finally sympathies to people who are having problems commenting on my blog...but not really apologies because it's not really my fault! It's nice if you feel you have something to add to the posts but it's not compulsory and there are other ways to say things to me, or the world on general if you've a mind to so please try not to be cross when I'm trying to make people smile!

Resolution

Ha ha! Having wrestled with my decision for a day and resolved upon a course of action, the opportunity to proceed refused to present itself. Oh well, it will come eventually or not as the case may be, I thought. I'm aware it's often the process of finding out what is right to/for us in these inner debates that matters more than what happens afterwards as that depends on many other factors too. So last night I decided to chill a bit instead...

I give thanks for a delightful episode of QIXL I had not seen before. I recorded the last series but have yet to catch up with them all. This one was very droll with 'quite interesting' facts and good banter too. I'm very grateful for that programme, it always raises a smile and a chuckle but rarely as many as that one. I watched a programme about the programme once and all the people involved in the production seemed to think it was interesting and fun to be involved in too. Apart from being a view inspector as per my dream a while back, I think being a QI 'elf', a person who delves for irrelevant but fascinating information and gets paid to do it would suit me very well.

After writing that I couldn't get to sleep and wrestled with the dilemma a bit more, finally deciding to write a letter. This had to be very carefully worded and during the course of the writing the situation changed some more but I decided to print it anyway and take it with me to acupuncture for a second opinion from Rachel. Only the laptop and printer wouldn't recognise each other after the software change and I couldn't resolve that by leaving time.

Never mind, I had a good chat with Rachel about the matter and all manner of other things and we managed to fit in a cup of tea and an acupuncture session too! I felt much better afterwards and am really looking forward to going back to every week again now. I had a little walk along the almost deserted sea front looking at the many vessels on the horizon sheltering from the storms I suppose. They used to do that quite often in the winter and when we came home on the evening train from work and saw the bracelet of lights encircling the bay it gave us a nice cosy feeling, and hopefully the crews too. Since then there have been several occasions when the weather has been fine but the recession has meant lots of idle cargo shipping hanging around. It looks the same but the reason's not such a comforting thought, though. Much gratitude for big boats and little needles...and for someone bringing me a cup of tea...always a rare and rejuvenating treat!

I felt like walking further. I felt quite brimming with vim and vigour but the sun was just dipping prettily behind the trees on the hill and I had to get home to take an antibiotic so came over all realistic and came home. You can't save unspent energy like money (when you do it's called obesity ha ha!) but as I'm coming to the end of that particular course of pills I should have a few days of feeling fairly well and combined with the acupuncture boost I ought to be up to a trip out somewhere for a few hours. Just the thought of that is exciting even if it doesn't come to fruition, though when I think about the reality of what is actually possible on local public transport within the short winter daylight hours maybe the planning will use up a lot of that energy!

Anyway I hope you are snug and warm and the wind has not done any serious damage to your property or neighbourhood. There's just been enough to be a bit exciting round here. Well if you like wind which some people don't of course. I think it's great! I must away and watch Nothing to Declare - my current Sky TV crush.

Thanksgiving

Well, I've ranted a bit on CC and I've ranted a bit on here and seem to have upset some folks and I'm sorry for that, but not for what I've said. The happiness squared project must go on as must my 'against the rules' survival!

So this afternoon and evening so far I've been delightfully grateful for...

* finally getting the hang of the very US orientated website and managing to order a parcel of treats for my pen pal on death row

* a thick fairy crescent (not a whole ring) of toadstools on a grassy bank by the side of the road

* a great chat and swap of small kindnesses with Rachel who also made me a cup of tea...oh and gave me some acupuncture too, ha ha!

* a thoughtful letter from my neurologist saying even though he hadn't found anything obviously wrong he understood this wasn't very reassuring and to let him know if I wanted to talk about it more

* cold pizza on the sea front beforehand and a walk along it in the darkness after. Lots of spray and hardly any people - great!

* trying out the yarn I bought yesterday and confirming it will make a nice little scarf for one of the local charity fundraisers and an easy don't-need-to-look-at-my-hands craft project whule watching TV. Now where's that remote control?

One hand clapping

Well, I've shopped and I've dropped! Note to self: avoid retail encounters after acupuncture. I would normally but today I had to pick up a large package. I didn't know quite how big it would be or I would have got everything else first. Hey ho, I'm home again anyway and after a busy week so far I have that feeling you get just before you have time off from work, a Thursday before a long weekend feeling. Nice!

I give thanks for the various therapies of my day... Essential (I can't really call it complementary or alternative as there's nothing else on offer!) and retail. I bought some Manuka honey and cider vinegar which I've heard several people say works wonders for their arthritis and a 'medium' size stretchy hand support but I could have almost fitted both of mine in and still have room to clap so the wrong sort of hand support maybe! Never mind, that's a bonus for the charity shop bag.

I give thanks for tasty Tesco vegetable samosas and melt in the mouth locally made chocolate medallions...dark chocolate with amaretti crisp and milk chocolate with caramel are my current favourites I think. For the smell of Earl Grey tea when you open a new packet and the sound of hot water falling from kettle to cup. For finding out a new series of the Killing starting on Saturday... The first series was one of the most gripping detective dramas I have ever seen or read. For being snug on my sofa with a documentary on cougars and cubs to watch right now...NOT a natural history programme, ha ha! For the carpet man leaving me some samples to take time to choose from. I thought I wanted Willow in the shop but I'm edging towards Nutmeg now... Oh, the decadence of decision making!

And I'm grateful for my on the way to being a fake fireplace/temporary router stand. It improves the dimensional dynamics of the room and fills me with self congratulatory smugness. Just got to fill and undercoat and paint though not sure which colour(s) yet. You want a sneak preview anyway?

Good goods

Heavens I'm tired! Just looked at the clock on my laptop and thought 'no wonder - how late it is!' I mean it's not late late, not pumpkin and glass slipper late, but late to be still be doing stuff when I've promised myself an evening doing nothing at all. Oh well...keeps those pressure sores at bay, ha ha! Ah well...I've got the whole weekend to catch up with that!

I give thanks for a very stress free trip to our lovely little town shops. In fact I give thanks for the shops and for the people who own and run and work in them. I don't think there's a high powered sales person within a five mile radius but everyone keeps up a brisk enough trade by offering good goods and services, being pleasant, chatting to you, helping you, valuing you etc. It is such a joy to live here in so many ways! I give particular thanks today for the enormous choux buns in the baker's on the high street...they are best of all when not in the baker's any more!

I give thanks to Clive for making me laugh with his funny texts about his dentist this morning. I give thanks for a few more living room improvement jobs done by Laura this afternoon - in a week or two now we'll be at the stage when it feels like we're finishing decorating the living room...but of course we've already started decorating the bedroom in our heads! And I give thanks to Rachel for some more body and soul improvements with her excellent acupuncture...

I give thanks for running into a whole bunch of Come Dine with Me's I hadn't seen before. Better get back to them...you know how I hate to leave a job undone ha ha!

The dog and pineapple

It sounds like a pub name doesn't it? Some sort of eatery perhaps like the Slug and Lettuce? Actually it's what I saw outside the Co op earlier. A dog waiting patiently or otherwise by the door is fairly common occurrence but you don't often see a loosely wrapped fresh pineapple by their side! I give thanks for being on the spot at just the right time to catch this anomoly.

Gratitude too to Rachel for excellent acupuncture and, just as beneficial in its own way, perceptive comprehension of my sometimes unconventional thought processes and emotional responses. How lucky I was to find someone so sympathetic to my ways!

Gratitude that the weather cleared up by the time I went out and for finding a carved pumpkin lantern on the doorstep downstairs. Still there from Monday night I guess, I haven't been out since Jared brought me home earlier in the late afternoon...heart warming to know the new neighbours aren't the sort to leave themselves or empty bottles there anyway...I told you the neighbourhood was looking up! Gratitude too the carpet shop was shut due to flood damage so that I used the extra town time I'd allocated to sip hot chocolate on the edge of the promenade watching the big waves rolling in. They were the sort that leaves a wide band of white foam behind them and children and dogs were playing chicken with their ebb and flow while surfers rode the swell. Much nicer than buying carpets! I also give thanks for finding, in among the tins of seasonal sweeties, rows of pre-packed meat and racks of alcohol, some actual food to buy at the Dog and Pineapple... sorry, the Co-op, I mean! I can see my new name for it might stick though...

Holiest of holies

Hi guys, just some quick thoughts as I don't want to lose that post acupuncture glow fighting with a keyboard! (My typing is getting really illegible now) Anyway, Yes Pat and Lynn...it worked...thanks for your comments. Juanita, haven't heard from you in a while - hope you're doing OK.

I give thanks this evening for having one of my favourite community nurses visit once again. Three weeks ago he told me he was leaving later this month and we said our goodbyes as I'm not often on his list...and he's been rota'ed to attend to me twice more since then. Such a joy to have your medical needs attended to by someone who fulfils your conversational ones too!

I give thanks for another very helpful acupuncture session with the lovely and skillful Rachel. For two hugs and some Verve (which is a kind of wool as well as a band and a vigorous feeling!). For remembering why the name Tiggs is familiar - we have a clothing/homewear shop called that here! And for the lady in Tibbs (that's a fruit and veg shop round the corner - honestly, I'm not making this up!) looking in the back for a fresher yellow pepper for me though the ones she had out were quite usable just not crispy fresh. She sells them by weight so it was 30p!

And lastly for tackling the holiest of holies when I got home. This is the bit of wall behind formerly behind the big bookcase that has only just had the paper removed. I have never in my life seen so many little holes in such a small area of plaster. Many of these filler knife swipes are covering groups of two, three, four or more! Do you think someone shot at the wall with some kind of pellet gun or were they just very fussy deciding where to hang the pictures? Bear in mind the holes were under even the oldest paper which had been there a pretty long time. Who knows? Never mind...all filled up now. Now to fill up my tum with dinner!

5 more feelgoods

*Being treated like a valued patient rather than just another chore at the comfy Mardon centre

*A vintage episode of CSI where they explained what wifi was!

*Excellent acupuncture treatment that left me feeling human for a while

*Lemon meringue ice cream (they'd run out of marmalade flavour) in a chocolate waffle cone and a last bit of pleasant weather to enjoy it in

*Remembering it's OK to stop...as my goodness I need to sometimes!

Here comes the sun

It's been up for a while now, and beginning to disperse the mist. My windows were still too fogged up to see out of at first and I had to swing them open to look. The sun had not long cleared the trees in the communal gardens and the rays seemed to hit me horizontally...and surprisingly warm! I can see the little town across the river now, and the sea though still veiled and soft focussed. I am so happy I live somewhere I can experience and appreciate these wonderful things even when I can't physically be outside.

After the acupuncture, a short walk and a big meal I slept well...from about 8 pm on the sofa! And then after a shower and move to bed I slept a lot more! Less pain and didn't need to take anything for it. I think for now the antibiotics are working...great!

It's dawned on me (unintentional pun) that some of you don't know what 'metta' means...hmm, can I explain? It's the mindful practice of compassion, warmth and well being to all sentient beings. I'm not a 'proper' practicing Buddhist but it's not necessary to give it a go and practice makes perfect eh? You're supposed to direct this loving kindness in stages...to yourself, to those close to you, to those you don't know and even to those you don't like but I tend to forget the first part and have to go back and start again, ha ha! It's a good feeling anyway...highly recommended for calming the mind before sleep, in physical distress or cross with people who don't seem to practice it themselves, ha ha!

Heart to heart

Fourthly today I would like to express gratitude for All Around Chocolate. It has a pointless website so don't rush and check it out but who cares? They are local and they make the most delicious rich chocolate medallions in various flavours. they sell them in the shop I have acupuncture above so ideal really...get a treatment, get a treat!

And fifthly for having my rose quartz heart bracelet back. I mentioned last week thanks to Rachel for having a go at mending it and this week she has! It only needed rethreading but a bit difficult for me these days. It's just some little rose quartz washers interspersed with slightly sparkly seed beads and with a flat rose quartz heart that originally I meant to go in the outside of my wrist (kind of like a watch face) but as soon as I first made it and started wearing it I realised that I liked the heart on the inside, kind of like on my pulse. I have three other stretchy bracelets I've made that I still wear but it's only know I have it back I realise how much I missed this one completing the set! I knew people associate the stone with love and healing but Rachel also tells me the acupuncture heart meridian runs down the inside of the wrist with points under where I like to wear my bead heart. So I guess it all makes a kind of sense eh?

Best intentions

I'm waiting on a call for an urgent ENT referral. Now we didn't see that coming did we? Especially the rather un-confidence inspiring doctor who, on hearing I'd been having acupuncture, asked if the therapist used ear candles as the stuff in my ears looked like smoke! I've never used or seen ear candles used but I thought you lit the end not in your ear? Never mind, I'd rather see a specialist than a doctor who doesn't know, although having said that, my experience of specialists is that although they have the training and expertise to know often they don't care enough to find out! Thinking outside the box for them is likely to involve thinking about the golf course!

This is not always the case of course, and ENT is a whole new ball game for me round here so I await developments and hope the tedious trek to the hospital doesn't wreck one, other or both of two social arrangements I have planned this week...tea at Rachel's tent and the circus (in another sort of tent come to think of it!) with Laura. As you know I don't get out so much these days literally or metaphorically and I would find it hard to be philosophical if I was too tired, or in the wrong place after medical matters to enjoy these treats.

This morning I give thanks firstly for the pretty screen I bought at the end of last year. The idea was to make some privacy for anyone sleeping on the sofa and though there's not been much call for that it does cover the some of the work-in-progress window area (and bare window) nicely at night.

And secondly for the blustery weather. I find wind and showers quite invigorating. The branches of the younger trees are swaying sideways and I imagine them digging their toes (sorry, roots!) deep into the soil to stand up straight.

All in one

I give thanks today for the wonderful place I live. Even in high summer it is possible to get away from the crowds, though it's easier when the tide's out ha ha! For Niknak's chips (fresh fried with a dollop of mayo and only one pound!) to sit on the back beach watching all the different kinds of boats... For our skate park and pier and zoo and half wild public gardens. For the picturesque historic ferry, the port and the old quays with their old inns and all the friendly little privately owned shops and cafes...

I'm grateful to the people dressed as sea gulls walking round the town making seagull noises for making us all laugh (I think this was to remind us not to feed the real ones!)

I'm grateful to Rachel for helpful acupuncture and happy chat...and for making me a cup of tea to drink after my treatment

I'm grateful for finding a big soft hoodie with NO writing on it and for having faith that if I keep taking pills eventually some of them will make me feel better. And most of all just now I'm grateful that when I've finished writing this I can have a little nap as waking up and eating every six hours so I can take them is quite exhausting you know!

Holely satisfied

Mmmm. I feel lovely and acupunctured! Thank you to Rachel. Thank you also to Rachel for understanding so easily things I try so hard to explain to other people. Of course I still explain them to her just for the delight of hearing her say 'Yes, I know!!!' Ha ha!!! Someone might want to report me to the pun police I reckon though...

I'm grateful for not being too spaced out after to do my in town chores and for then finding a bit of relative peace in a patch of sun at the end of the promenade to enjoy the last of my Lovington's marmalade ice cream. Marmalade? Yes, honestly! I'd never heard of it too and it's absolutely delicious! The sea was flat and calm and clear. Quite a few people taking an early evening dip so I remembered what that felt like and that was quite enjoyable too.

I give thanks for finding a really interesting and readable article about the science behind the placebo effect...oh actually I've just found another! Of course there's no such thing because the pretend medicine cannot not make you better but 'scientists' are very interested in finding out what does...what's going on in your body and mind. Some of you might find them interesting...let me know and I'll send you links... Oh and Pat and Carol, I was going to message you both later but just in case I don't get round to it: Thank you for the invitation but it didn't sound really 'me' if you know what I mean. I do have a plan of my own in mind tho...will get back to you on that so let me know if you're interested (or any one else)as it's more 'my kind of thing' so I think I'd enjoy it more and hopefully some benefit will come out of it too for everyone involved.

Now to the really important questions in life...what to have for tea and what to watch on TV ha ha!

Walk talk

My third happiness of the day is that my cooker now fits properly between the kitchen worktop ends instead of being wedged in with not a crumb's worth between a cut and trimmed side and an uncut one that every man I knew had done the head shaking/sharp intake of breath thing about. Thank you Alan! It looks so different...like a real kitchen! And no, I'm not putting a pic on here because I what I think is wonderful and 'done' is probably still like the 'before' pictures in some peoples' homes. Trust me...unless you've seen the before pictures from here you've really not seen horror!

I had a late acupuncture session to accommodate the oncologist's call and managed to walk down and back... the first time I've managed both ways for a while. I didn't take any especially scenic routes just the normal one that takes in a few metres of seafront. The early evening sun strikes the rocks and headlands at an angle that really accentuates their shapes and they look even more beautiful than in the day. It was warm and I thought how lovely it would be to be going out for the evening for a spot of something to eat perhaps or just to linger with someone enjoying the view. Send your request to the cosmos I thought tell them you want to eat out... and as I neared my flat some people leafletting for one of the local Indian restuarants handed me a menu. The cosmos really needs its ears syringed sometimes! But I give thanks for the fourth time for living in such a lovely place and having the opportunity to see it at such a lovely time of day!

And fifthly I give thanks for having someone to listen to me moan in real life once a week and stick needles in me to try to make it better. Thank you Rachel

Leaf it for later

Had a bit more energy after my acupuncture, so sitting rather than lying down a while this evening and did a few more crochet leaves for my tree. Here is the crop so far...And of course as I've laid them out on a pillowcase on the ironing board so that's delayed that dreaded chore a little longer!

Was going to write more but just woke up having fallen asleep so guess that's enough for today...

Oh yes, fifth happiness is peace and relative painlessness to nap!

What a difference a day makes

Third happiness was that I went to acupuncture. I figured just being properly listened to would do me good, plus a nice lie down and hug (any treatment being a bonus!). Afterwards I felt well enough to hobble down to the beach for an ice cream in the sun. Today the sea looked summery blue again...

Then when I got home after enjoying the sunshine it had been the second most perfect Wimbledon weather (ie rainy there while fine here) so still plenty to watch. And the first thing I watched was several rounds of jovial Mexican waving after the covers came off on Court Number Two. I love watching Mexican waves, being in them's even better, of course, but not been in an appropriate situation of late. Love anything where groups of people doing similar things create a visual effect. The beauty in the cooperation and coordination of different formsreally moves me emotionally...Spencer Tunick's nude tableaux, Busby Berkeley's dressed dancer patterns...even a line dancing troupe at a pinch ha ha! But flash mobs are the best of all, they actually make me cry...but in a good way ;-) So the entire previous paragraph will be my fourth!

The numbers game

The nurse came for my maintenance today and had a second year student accompanying her who requested a domestic tour on the grounds my flat is decorated and furnished so beautifully and artistically. Readers who have been here will be glancing up at the address bar now to check they’re in the right blog ha ha! I guess the community team see a variety of living styles but she’s not the first to rave about mine so I’ll make that (1)

I felt quite energised after my acupuncture session (I have to write this so Rachel knows as I’ll have forgotten by next Tuesday!) Did some light l shopping in town and walked back the scenic route, along the seafront and up the road to the public viewing platform where the view is rather splendid funnily enough! Today the tide was quite far out exposing the little rocks off shore and with low waves and scattered white horses...beautiful...(2). And then I walked a bit further up the road to the edge of the park where you do have to walk down again before walking reaching the road up to where I live but it’s worth it as the path is pretty under the trees. What was noticeable about this minor adventure was the speed at which I did it...almost normal walking speed for a normal person. As I used to tear along at an astonishing rate for a not especially tall woman and now creep like an invalid awaiting her carriage this was rather exhilarating (3) I expect the wind would have been ruffling my hair if it had been long enough yet to ruffle!

Coming up the main road I remembered something that keeps coming into my head the last few weeks since it happened whenever I am there and I keep meaning to add it to a day’s feelgood thoughts when it does. I was walking down the hill and a heard a big bus coming down behind me and turned to see why as it was nowhere near the time you might expect to see a normally timetabled one.

It was an old fashioned double decker...what sort I’m not sure, but with a vintage cream and maroon livery, a partly open air top deck full of some sort of celebratory party and the destination ‘Private Hire’ in the roll up sign in the window. It passed me and as I watched it recede into the distance one of those Sunday road outing clubs came up on the opposite side...of Vespa riders with ranks of wing mirrors and parkas to keep out the cold. For a few seconds, if someone had captured that on a photo it would have been hard to put the correct date so (4) can be this random re-enactment of my 60s youth.

I’ll think up a 5 before bedtime I’m sure...

The past's so bright...

Mmmm, acupuncture...how much better do I feel now? Quite a bit actually, if you’d prefer the non-rhetoric approach. So you get some more of my ramblings...

I'm sure we've all heard of people saying re their blogs, or tweets, or Facebook status updates that they sometimes find themselves writing about their lives more than actually living them. Well for those for whom living is fast becoming a technical term rather than an experience that's absolutely fine. Plus I can 'speak' and nobody has to feel they ought to reply, feigning interest etc. Gotta be good all round eh?

Anyways, here we have the earliest surviving photo of me (as far as I know). Clearly the future was so bright at the time it was orange...either that or the glow from my hair was tinting all things around. Interesting to see how hairstyles come back into favour...have been sporting something not too dissimilar in recent times, albeit not so brightly coloured.

You may also spot I had the building blocks for life to hand - where did it all go so wrong?

Later...

Noon (ish)
Unless something my physical and mental state improves I can tell today is going to be one of those days when finding five things to be grateful for will be a challenge. So will make a start right now...pause while typing to enjoy the birds singing...um, so here we go...

1) Birdsong outside my window

2) sent FB message to the aforementioned Chris to say he had been mentioned in despatches and he sent one back saying ‘Bless You’. Heaven’s above, blessed in the morning and a hug to come in the afternoon (from the lovely Rachel) ...feel almost cherished!

Later... acupuncture, hug, a little light retail therapy and ready to chill, maybe nap but still waiting for nurse who didn’t make it this am so can’t relax. Must try not to be grumpy with her. Back to list...come on...what to be thankful for?

3) Little boy in blue on the beach with ball and black Labrador, so happy and absorbed, made me chuckle not just smile

4) Bunch of big orange lilies for £1.75 (would have bought them for even more but what a bargain eh?)

5) Becky’s ever cheery welcome at the Fountain, bless her too!

Nurse been...all patched up for another week. Chill time...woohoo!