Without walls

Didn't actually have my shorts on my body this morning Stef...only the ironing board! Good to hear from you anyway. Finally dressed by early afternoon but this was fine as the low slung sun this time of year doesn't clear the tops of the taller trees that surround the gardens til then, and the more boisterous residents had packed away their electrical appliances and noisy dogs and gone to enjoy the lovely weather elsewhere. I was able to relax peacefully with my book, just exchanging greetings with a couple of peaceful others briefly passing through. I give thanks once again for having a share in a small piece of private park. It was the views over it to the sea that I first fell in love with here but having both is rather luxurious for a rather poor person living alone! I give thanks once again also to John and Jo for helping me get out and about yesterday so home doesn't feel like a rather luxurious prison today...

This evening I'm grateful I've been managing a few chores, domestic and diy. I know a lot of people who are decorating at the moment but I bet I win the prize for the slowest! I'm grateful I found an accessible container and room for some of the books from the bookcase under my bed. It's going to have to be all cleared and moved soon as I've been stripping wallpaper and so on each side of it so far to reduce the time the books and bookcase have to be elsewhere. Though perfectly formed in many ways my flat does lack a spare room which would be handy at a time like this. It did have one to be fair before I knocked a wall down...but the wall that had been put up to create one left a tiny kitchen with no window. I know technically a two bed flat is worth more than a one bed...but not a two bed one like that!

I'm grateful that some of the people on the ex-pat Come Dine with Me have moved to Marbella and that I'm unlikely to ever meet them. Mind you I think some of them might consider coming back after meeting each other! I give thanks to Lynn for her message and kind thoughts, to Pat for her suggestion and Dan O for saying he missed my wonderful cynicism and for JB for remembering the blue creatures in the rock pool. Oh and I'm grateful I still have a chapter or two left of Down Under to read before I have to find something else to follow...

Shorts

Had a brief burst of vigour just now and ironed a pair of shorts and a sleeveless top in case I get another one and feel like getting showered and dressed. I think I'm just about fit for lying on a sun lounger and receiving light refreshments today! Wouldn't that be amazing eh? I give gratitude for even the thought of that! I give gratitude for enough fine days in a row to be needing to wash and iron shorts and for still being well enough to do so and occasionally even wear them outside.

I love warm weather and being able to select clothes for other reasons than keeping warm and dry...I nearly gave my summeriest clothes away to a charity shop a few weeks ago and I am extremely grateful I didn't! What a bonus to be able to wear them a few more times. In the sunlounger dream world inside my head I'd have taken a last holiday this year and maybe gone somewhere where they were required but it wasn't to be.

Someone is using a some power tool below my bedroom window in short spurts of loud noise. It's too hot to have the windows shut all the while and too tiring to keep opening and closing them in between so I give thanks for that too as it means I'm going to make a bid for freedom from mattress bound lethargy!

Imagine...

Be careful what you wish for because sometimes it doesn't come true! Fell asleep on the sofa before 9pm last night, woke up and took myself off to bed an hour or so later and this morning realised I'd missed a text from old friends asking if they could visit if down this way today...and they came! At first I was a bit, oh no I've got to get up and do stuff but it was such a treat to do stuff with other people! We went for a little drive about to pretty spots just outside the town and then scoured the Co-op for picnic finger food. It was crowded in the sea front car parks but we saw a space in one we had to drive round the block to get to... and when we did it was still there! Then we came across a handy empty bench with a view too and snacked and watched the folks on the beach and in the water and walking to and fro along the sea wall and then walked about a little bit ourselves. So much to see, so many people out and about enjoying an extra slice of summer.

They've headed back now which is a shame, but I'm very tired and probably wouldn't be much company this evening any way. A rest, raid the larder and TV is the order of the evening I think, don't you? I give thanks for a lovely surprise, and the best kind of day to enjoy it. For spending time with my oldest friends, thirty plus years - a record for me, imagine! For being with people who remember the me who was fit and well which made me feel so much better. For having shared memories to share with the people who remember them too! For the odd thing we saw in the woods...garden bird feeders hanging from the trees. Why? I don't know...and the birds didn't seem to understand them either! For tasty snacks, shared food - such a simple basic pleasure. Being able to go somewhere by car - such a rare one! And for living somewhere where you really don't need to go anywhere at all to have a happy relaxing day...

Watching paint dry

Phew! So tired and sore....not even sure I can get the clothes out of the washing machine and on the the rack to dry...tho clearly they won't dry if I don't I give thanks to Laura for finishing painting the ceiling and frieze and helping me clear up and put things back afterwards. I'm grateful that I did a bit of paint and wallpaper stripping while she was here as it's a nice feeling to be working with someone else even though so slow and groany and ineffectual myself. I give thanks that she and her daughters might like the bits of jewelry I put in a box for them to look though and my 'literary award' dress might find a new home! Most of what I sort out will go to the hospice shop but I'd love it if someone I've met could enjoy wearing some trinkets that I have enjoyed...

I give thanks for the messages some of you have sent and apologise I've not been so chatty in return but not up to it just now. Especially thanks to Pat who is still sorting out her technical difficulties but sent me a little email, bless her!

I express great gratitude that I have that I have nothing nice planned for this weekend as am not sure I'd have the energy, likewise for having no visitors to be hospitable to. Strange but true...it's all for the best really! I hope you all have a splendid weekend but, do me a favour, don't tell me doing what please! A few times just lately I've felt quite jealous and sad when I've been reminded of all the trips and treats and invitations and joining in and belongnesses that I've never known and never will and I don't like feeling like that because I want you all to be having a lovely time and for me not to be miserable, so, you know, if possible try not to tell me til I've got the hang of rising above this petty silliness, please!

Follow ups

Good morning Vietnam...and Suriname! I bet Lynn's straight off to Google maps, ha ha! I understand what you meant about visualising where people are and will try to find your work place later as I've already visited the harbour nearby. Juanita I was in Townsville just yesterday couretsy of Mr B...and Carole I understand you meant your comment well so I have 'published' it. I concur that people are being selfish but then so am I if I want them to be here when they don't, that's why I don't ask. I may not be able to travel far but I refuse to go down the 'you'll miss me when I'm gone' route even though I suspect, even though they may not, they are probably going to feel bad about the way they've been at some point down the line.

An old school friend of mine had breast cancer. We'd kept in erratic touch for years and I went to stay with her and her family for the first time after she'd recovered. She had done well for herself you might say, and as soon as a lump was found went straight off to the top man in Harley Street and even had her chemo in his private clinic with Ian Dury! Her husband had an excellent job and she could give up hers for as long as she liked and still pay for her three kids' private education and for someone else to do the chores long after she was well and strong. The thing is she wanted to talk about her illness more than I wanted to listen and, although I forgive myself totally for this as even now that I probably have far more idea of the things she might have in her head I still think there are more rewarding things to dwell on. But I still wish I'd had more compassion and wonder whether my attitide conributed to her chilliness after I left and our losing touch for good (or whether it was another of my many social incapacities!) I'm sorry Evadne, wherever you may be.

Anyway, I give thanks that I saw the sun come up over the trees (more of that later perhaps) and that Heidi had a happy birthday yesterday and to campaigning Carol for her rant on my behalf because of its good intentions and that I'm managing very slowly to get things out of the living room to make room for Laura to finish painting the ceiling.

I don't believe it!!!

Just been checking today's stats and stuff and ridiculously delighted...

Does someone know someone on holiday there and sent them a link to my blog to fulfil a random bucket list dream, maybe? Just chance? Or did I ask the cosmos for just the right thing in just the right way? Who knows, but in case I die in the night or for some other reason don't get a chance to do it properly tomorrow...Good Evening, Vietnam!

Oceans

Well, I went to the beach. Exhausting but wonderful! Walking down there felt slightly surreal...me in my best summer clothes and the warmth and hazy light and lack of people milling around. I wondered if I'd actually died and was just dreaming it if that makes any sense...

...well, it's what I wondered whether it makes sense or not!
Decided to give the woody uphill path a miss as extra walking involved anyway to get to the sand and extra things to carry. A picture doesn't do the fragrance of it justice... a delicious piney, cedary, resiny smell.

Honestly, look what you people are missing out on not visiting me! You wouldn't even have to sit close by my side...there's loads of space and sand to share, ha ha! I give oceans full of gratitude that I'm ending my days in such a pretty, laid back place. I give thanks for watching dogs playing together and people walking out way beyond the pier into the sea on the narrow sand bank the ebbing tide reveals. I've done that and it's fun and from a distance it looks like you're walking on the water!

When I got home there was a message to book a neurology appointment next week with the Professor I saw a few years ago so that's progress, I also heard from someone I'd contacted about lack of an oncologist's support and he's given me the number of the one who has taken over the caseload of mine who it turns out is off sick. He said he would mention my name and circumstances to her...progress also! Gratitude for these items of news and for some friendly pleasant phone conversations with people I've met in more vigorous days to make necessary arrangements. Thank you Harry, Robert and Tina for making difficult times a little easier...

I give thanks I've caught up with essential things like washing and washing up abandoned earlier on and had some Covent Garden soup to have for my tea. Taking it very easy this evening...mindless TV drifting into bedtime all I have in mind.

PS. Notice there's been no comments for a while...don't have to be, I know...but Lynn says she's been having problems. If anyone else has can you leave a comment letting me know, ha ha! Seriously though are there error messages or what? I'm going to see if I can though that might not tell me much about what happened to you. Maybe it was your work PC telling you you should be!