Done

I give thanks for the lovely misty drizzly weather today! Apparently some folk weren't keen but I thought it was great, partly due to the treat of being out in it, not on my way to or from hospital but to order some new specs to replace the ones I trod on a while ago. Even I agree it is a bit murky for my photochromic ones...

My back has been very sore after rashly putting a coat of paint on a couple of pieces of wood so I was grateful for a long sit down when I got home...on hold to the DWP to ask for a proof of benefit letter...twice, as I got cut off the first time just as I was connected to an advisor. For taking advantage of having to start again by having a late large leftovers lunch between attempts, and for finally succeeding. In these days of so much personal data accessible in so many ways, it is mystifying that even if you win a battle for benefit you still have to prove to other agencies that you have by means of a phone call and a hard copy letter.

I give thanks for being rested enough after call two to attempt to buy Cheeky Panda loo paper for the second time today, having been told in the first shop the second would have it. This turned out to be a terminological inexactitude, which I found somewhat exasperating, not to mention exhausting, but at least the pharmacy had found and processed my missing prescription and I could return my library books! I give thanks for also remembering to buy batteries for a gift I got earlier, having randomly (but quite correctly) decided to look in a very non-gift shop sale for an unusual something for someone. I give thanks for also remembering to put them in the parcel just before I sealed the box right up!

I give thanks for a pleasant and productive couple of hours with Clive  getting some odd jobs done or at least moved further along to done-ness. Having someone else working does spur me on but I've completely run out of steam again now and am grateful I don't care the vacuuming is only half finished, and the dirty dish elves have been creating mucky crockery again. I give thanks Cauldron sausages are calling. I can just about stay upright long enough to cook a couple of those, I reckon...

Improbable

If Carlsberg did dialysis, you'd be directed to a side room again and told as you'd liked it so much I could keep it - unless someone else needed isolating. This happened to me today, and I gave great thanks for that! And then a little later, when the tea trolley was due, one of the housekeeping staff knocked on the door and asked if I'd like some cake.  Chocolate or...? she began but I never found out what the option was. Chocolate? I said, incredulous and drooling slightly...and I was served with a piece of rich cake with gooey frosting and chocolate curls.  I think it was someone's birthday... felt like all mine had come at once! Absobloominglutely delicious!

I give thanks for reasonable taxi drivers too, including a chap on the way home who I always have interesting conversations with, plus a lot of laughs. So all in all the best dialysis day in my world - probably!

I give thanks for having more energy and motivation over the last couple of days as well. For Clive saying he'll come and do it himself sometime soon. I'm all behind with my share of the work that but when I got home I got as far as getting some paint and brushes out so that is a step in the right direction.

I give thanks H gets to ice dance with a guy and we softies all can have a happy cry.

Down

Last night I was wondering where my mojo is when my mojo's gone - is she moonlighting as someone else's confidence and creativity and strength? I give thanks for thinking I'd mind being without her a lot less if I knew the benefits were being bestowed elsewhere. Also for remembering post viral depression is a thing, and even people who don't have shed loads of other stuff to get them down can suffer from it...

Part of the cause is apparently the slow return of energy so that one is struggling to do what needs to be done, let alone what might be pleasant to do. And that can be a struggle for me at the best of times, so I give thanks for just keeping on trying to keep on looking after myself extremely well, without wearing myself out.

I give thanks for finishing my jigsaw late last night, including grovelling around on the floor searching for, and finding, the missing piece. For the interesting blurb about how the man who took the photo came to do so, and how he collected the subject matter. For making myself a late great breakfast this morning of a batch of pancakes with lemon and sugar...and some little buns this evening to go in lunch boxes this week. For finishing unpicking the sleeve hems of an old dress I want to alter to wear for dialysis, and hooking the pieces of rag I cut for my rug - both planned for the Christmas break but abandoned when illness struck. I give thanks I didn't cut any more as my hand seized up at the end!

I also give thanks I didn't put up as many Christmas decorations as I originally intended...as this meant less to take down today, and the amount there was was quite arduous a task as it was.

Bleak

All I really want at the moment is food and rest, so I give thanks for trying to strike a balance between the two as it's an either or situation! For trying to play catch up with the washing up too as that just adds to the exhaustion and sense of futility..

I give thanks for beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel of dirty laundry, and for managing to get outdoors in daylight hours to my local Boots pharmacy. For lots of seats to rest on along the way, and for still having some left of the pills I went to pick up as they denied all knowledge of the prescription that the website shows as issued two weeks ago. For stopping off at the Co op afterwards for some of that lush cauliflower and lentil curry to supplement my currently feeble catering. For feeling pleased with myself for making the effort, though a bit shocked what an effort it was...

Feeling also rather bleak spirited I give thanks for watching programmes with lots of chilliness, including George Clarke's exasperatingly amazing Finnish spaces  and a moving documentary about the last of the Greenland hunters who made a real igloo out of the increasingly rare right kind of snow. I'm grateful this might be the ideal mood for rewriting my will which was on the to do list for tomorrow, but I suspect I might be short of the right kind of will for that task the way that things are going just now.

Pie-eyed

Oh my, the pie! I give thanks that turned out well, and also that I managed not to eat it all last night so I have some left for tea today. For my weight loss levelling out, just need to start building myself up again. For a scone with jam and cream when I got home to help...

I give thanks I was looking at my phone when the pre-op assessment call came this morning some hours before expected, and before I'd turned its sound on. For (I most sincerely hope!) there being no need to talk to anyone at a hospital about anything for two whole days!

For the colour in the sky at hometime. For trying to focus on appreciating it instead of hating the radio! For being curled up on my sofa, as I am very weary this evening.

True

I give thanks for getting a few more domestic jobs done while attending to the main task of the day - waiting for the oncologist to call to answer my queries about my treatment. I started waiting at nine and she called me a little before five so this was a big job, and it was really hard to settle to anything else much while it was going on! I give thanks for feeling if not reassured, at least resigned after our conversation... For remembering that when not dealing with unscheduled inconveniences like the flu, I must dedicate as much of my time as I possibly can to pleasing myself as much as can be.

I give thanks for the Tesco Click and Collect service, and for Julie collecting this evening what I had clicked on yesterday. My freezer is still full of all kinds of food that didn't get eaten but some fresh stuff and store cupboard items needed topping up. For keeping myself fed as best I can given low energy and a craving for easy ingredients I'm not supposed to indulge in. For actually chopping some veg for tea today - woohoo! And, as I found some scraps of pastry when rummaging in those freezer drawers, that said veg, plus some pieces of Quorn, might turn out to be a pie!

Fictional

I give thanks for the midnight fireworks. Oh, I know they frighten animals and birds and people sometimes too, but I woke up wondering what time it was and I heard them and I knew! It was too late to get out of bed and try to watch, but there were loads so I'm grateful lots of other folk must have had the pleasure if they were so inclined. For remembering Happy New Years in times gone by when I was rather sad.

I give thanks for making inroads into unglamorous chores today - sorting out food gone bad, smelly sinks and laundry etc in manageable instalments. For lots of fiction in various forms in between because real life seems to be rather lacking in charm. For the wonders of social media - and windows - to show me actually it's carrying on quite pleasantly for other people. It's good to see all the places they go and the experiences they enjoy, and all that optimism.

I give thanks I'm not one for random resolutions on an arbitrary day - I think we should be resolving to be evolving as best we can as often as we re can remember. For reminding myself to stay in the present moment many times, and for opening the rest of my Christmas presents!