Ochenta y tres

Well today was quite a bit about cancer as I had to go and be poked about to see what's what in the lymph nodes that have been bothering the doctors for a while. I give thanks for my patience during long hours of waiting in various parts of the hospital, and for the patience of the doctor who kept hitting a nerve in my back which caused me to jerk (and yell) and wonder why I'm repeatedly told there isn't much feeling in the places where I can assure you there is! Maybe they study an anatomy that is different from mine, or perhaps they are in self-preserving denial about the pain they can cause, or maybe (as I suspect they suspect) I'm simply imagining that it hurts...

I give thanks the nurse who came to pat and reassure me before the next onslaught let me hold her hand. Opportunities for the comfort of physical contact are rare in my life and can be very welcome sometimes. Also for the one who would not have made me a cup of tea when I got back to the day case unit just going for her lunch in time for her stand in to produce one instead to go with my much needed lunch box invasion, and a little later, as I continued to munch on the dialysis ward (I took a double size packed lunch knowing I'd need it!) the lovely ward clerk I keep meeting doing cover work here and there offered me another one, not part of her duties I'm sure but much appreciated as they'd managed to get me a slot between two normal tea rounds. Two proper mugs of fresh made tea instead of one NHS cup from a big metal stewing pot was a lovely treat!

I give thanks I'd made sure I had a tidy flat and lots of leftovers for when I finally got home more than seven and a half hours after I left it. For so far feeling rather what will be will be about whatever the results of the tests are - I think a lot of things of course, but I give thanks for knowing my thoughts are probably best kept to myself at least until I know more, and maybe even then!

I give thanks for finally receiving the letter from the DWP explaining why they'd paid an extra three figure sum into my bank account the other day. It is the sum of the backdated small deductions they've been taking off my ESA in error since they reinstated the big part they stopped paying by mistake as well. Of course they may still decide to dock it again if some technical error means I pass my work assessment, and meanwhile the other department is still quite sure I'm only mildly and occasionally physically impaired and need only the slightest support...but I think I should buy myself presents!