Sweet dreams

I give thanks for sleeping. Sleeping is one of my favourite things at the moment! It's a shame I don't do more at night but if I did I'd do less in the day... I give thanks I'm not yet doing so much I need to call the hospital about doing more there.

I give thanks for a mostly bright day, the wind and rain over for a while and not very cold out either. I'd not planned to go anywhere being particularly sore this morning, but Mima had some Christmas shopping possibilities to check over and invited me to accompany her so it was nice to get out mostly sitting down! I give thanks one of the shops has a cafe serving one of the few things I eat that breaks all my dietary restrictions in one go and thus seems a tremendous treat! Oh and we took a slight detour on the way to the only supermarket I actually enjoy shopping in and I give thanks for them having my favourite chamomile tea and tinned fruit still in stock - the only place I know that sells them. They might not seem very exotic grocery items to get excited about but remember pretty much all the things you're looking forward to eating over the next few weeks I'm supposed to avoid, so relatively speaking they are.

I give thanks for the last of my homemade cherry and cranberry cake when I got home, with a mug of tea, an old Columbo...and yes, you guessed it, a nap!

After midnight

I give thanks for sleeping quite well for several hours, but unfortunately with quite a few wakeful periods as well with lots of aches and pains and puzzles of the non-crossword variety whirring in my brain. For giving up and putting the light on to read instead in what would have felt like 'early morning' at a different time of year... For electric light and an electric heater!

I give thanks the wind blew the clouds and rain away for chunks of the day, especially as I had to go out and do some odds and ends. Some of the time when I was out I didn't even get wet! I give thanks for finding a gift for my Reddit Secret Santa and a few other seasonally related items, and yes I did shop local though it felt as if I'd been very far afield by the time I made it home! I give thanks there's no more news as I've carried on hurting all day so didn't want to feel I ought to be doing anything more than I did. I give thanks for an early bath, and an evening of lying on the sofa planned. For the chilli on my nostril and lip reminding me I'm part way through cooking some dhal, and that there's leftovers from other meals if I don't get that finished tonight.

Last Christmas

Oh poop! Those lovely charity cards I ordered were out of stock. It seemed a bit like the last Christmas straw and I give thanks for remembering there is a sackload more can go wrong before then and I'm just going to have to bah humbug through whatever comes my way.

I give thanks for trying to be a good little vendor and help the solicitor sort out the chaos that comes from (in her words) leaving my case on the back burner. I give thanks I have some compassion for her as she's clearly getting in a flap sending me emails without referred to attachments or attachments without accompanying queries, and urging me to email other people at addresses that don't work...but even more for not getting in a flap myself not least because it's EPO day and I need to have my blood pressure low when I inject myself. If she can't sort it all out and over the next couple of days there's not really anything I can do to save the situation anyway. Best to work on saving my sanity methinks...

I give thanks for feeling stronger than yesterday. Lolling in the bath with a book or on the sofa with the TV while the wind howls and the rain patters has still been the most appealing 'activity' but that's mid winter for you! I give thanks I've managed to stay awake and have even done some household chores. I even feel almost motivated to cook myself some cake/pudding. I give thanks if I think about this enough my taste buds will take control and order me into the kitchen!

Only you

I've read the brain book, I understand deep in your heart of hearts you think I must be doing my life wrong or it would have turned out better - more like yours maybe! Trust me, I regularly check and try to improve my performance in all manner of ways, but I do sometimes wonder myself if maybe I do just deserve to struggle and fail! When you feel like that you need some top class nurturing to stand up and fight another day. So, as of course there's only me to provide that, I give thanks for spending the evening with my vacuum cleaner, duster and washing machine making myself feel looked after. For putting clean sheets on the bed and the electric blanket on to warm them up and writing a rambling rant to my estate agent while it did so as she is, as far as I can see, the only other person who actually cares if the sale goes through. For Redbush tea and rather more digestive biscuits than I realised there were left in the packet for supper when I'd worn myself out.

I give thanks for sleeping better, and though waking up not surprisingly very stiff and sore and utterly unmotivated, more rational about matters. Conveyancingwise it seems news of my imminent departure has been greatly exaggerated. Everybody is suddenly remembering lots of things that haven't been done, or need to be done again preferably yesterday and, as is human nature, are now very busy blaming someone else for the muddle. I give thanks for understanding I'm an easy target to attach the buck to. It's my solicitor (or my buyer's solicitor) or my landlord, mortgage company, flat, you-name-it that's at fault and therefore I should be running round like a headless chicken printing things and posting things and phoning people to try to alleviate their mistakes. Today I feel more like a kidneyless person than a headless chicken though, desperately in need of some cosy rest and really not up to the fray, so I give thanks for refusing to budge from the building and, after answering a barrage of emails earlier in the day, allowing myself to fall asleep on the sofa. For waking myself up snoring which always makes me laugh unlike when other people do it! 

I give thanks for yummy leftover curry so I didn't have to cook and for Jenny bringing me some more boxes just in case and agreeing trying to stay well is even more important than trying to get a move on.

I give thanks for my receiving news of my Reddit Secret Santa recipient. I love giving presents and one of the saddest things about not being much loved is you don't have nearly enough opportunities! I give thanks for an email for Kostas, very happy to be in the middle of a series of visits from his sister who has flown over from Greece to spend as much time with him as she can. The local governor who scraped in in the last elections has implied he'd like to send the remaining Death Row inmates off to meet their maker asap so it may be their last chance. He tells me he has made me a gift out of paper and 'odds and ends from about the place' that she's taking home with her to send to me! The mind boggles but I'm so touched...

Ain't necessarily so

So this evening I heard there are a whole lot of glitches and unresolved issues still regarding my long awaited property sale, let alone the purchase, and things are not looking half as rosy as I imagined. I'm so weary of the roller-coaster and I'm not feeling too grateful just now!

So, I give thanks for earlier in the day when I felt optimistic and hopeful soon things would be better than they are now. For the bright sunshine... For making it to the library and back and for meeting someone from knitting in the loo at Waitrose afterwards who I'd not realised was there as the group is so large now and she was out of my range of vision. She took me there the first time I went several years ago!

I was exhausted when I got home so I give thanks for eventually rallying and making myself a quick snack out of some unpromising odds and ends in the fridge. For managing to clear up the mess I made dropping it on the sofa! And I give thanks for eating what was left before I got the latest bad news email as stress does put me off my food! I give thanks for my huge reserves of resignation.

Here comes the night

Is it me or does anyone else feel like it's bedtime at 5 o'clock this time of year? It doesn't help that I'm not sleeping well in the night but I guess that can't be helped with a head full of tenterhooks. What are tenterhooks? I give thanks for the internet so I can look it up without leaving the sofa or even putting down my phone...

I give thanks for Mima taking me to raid Lidl this afternoon, and for dinner half cooked before I left so a relaxing evening to look forward to (neighbourhood noises willing) when I've finished that off.

I give thanks for very nice cake in Costa. They always have such interesting flavour combinations especially when you share teo different kinds! For lots of bustling around yesterday evening and before I went out so that, although the place looks very messy, I know this is because processes of organisation and containment are in progress.

Dancing in the street

When I was under the impression my demise was imminent I used to tell people, if they were sorting through my stuff after the event, to look very carefully as I sometimes stash small amounts of cash in odd places. Last night I came across some myself so I was very very grateful...And there was thunder and lightning to celebrate too!

After waking up much too early, and finally going back to sleep when I surfaced again late morning I decided lolling in bed was a fine thing to do on such a dismal day, and was very grateful for the opportunity to do just that. But after a while the thought of the goodies in the farmer's market, and most especially the lunchtime performance of my favourite samba band - a troupe from not far away with many female players that are perhaps a little past the first flush of youth - got me up and dressed in many layers in record time. Last time I saw them play it was in a rather small room in a rather funky pub/club in the city and I was dancing so near the stage when they moved their drumsticks my hair went up and down in the draft. I lost my hearing for three days afterwards...but they are so good it didn't put me off and I was so grateful to get to see them (and hear) them again.

I give thanks for a jolly atmosphere despite the rain, chatting to a few people I know. The usual separate food and craft markets were altogether along the main street, and there was a whole programme of events to enjoy leading up to and after the Christmas light switch on this evening but I give thanks for coming home and scoffing my nosh on the sofa instead. I give thanks for my legs for carrying me with an unusually low amount of protest and for the lovely feeling when you've been out getting cold and damp and come in and strip off and get warm and dry.

Twinkle twinkle little star

I caved in and packed another banana box today with stuff I reckon I could do without for a while. I give thanks for my faith and optimism! Though Thunderbirds are still not got there's no news to suggest they aren't still revving up their engines...

I give thanks for a lot of dossing around apart from this - limbo is a somewhat fatiguing state to be in!

I give thanks for a brief burst of thunder and lightning just now to make the rain more exciting, and for my bright little snowflake stars. They are not the poshest lights ever. They are not even the poshest or prettiest I own...but at 99p they are pretty much the cheapest!

Um... I dont know what else... For having somewhere to live even though I want to leave it, for feeling fairly well despite the fact I'm not. Oh, and for buying something reduced for Black Friday. I don't think I've ever done that before. I ordered some Kidney Research Christmas cards a) because I thought they were pretty b) because, of course, it's a cause I support and c) the ones I already had are in a box in the back of the stack after I rashly assumed some months ago I'd be long gone from here when the time came to want them.

I sill haven't found what I'm looking for

I give thanks for sleeping better... Until I woke up convinced it was proper morning and it was only half past four! I give thanks my son keeps odd hours too so we could carry on our Messenger chat from yesterday evening. We're still hoping we can fit 'Christmas' in somewhere but it looks like it will be in January now...

I give thanks for going back to sleep for a bit, but when it was proper morning I was still rather tired and uninspired by day to day chores. I give thanks for going to a shop where I thought they might have some fabric for the next rows of my rag rug - but they didn't. I give thanks for going to a shop where I thought they might have something I fancied for tea - but they didn't. I did see lots of sparkly seasonal bits and bobs in my travels that of course I don't need at all but I give thanks for succumbing to a 99p string of battery operated snowflake lights because if my deckies are in a storage unit and I'm in digs at Yuletide they might provide a little cheer! Oh and for the store playing a favourite U2 track instead of tortured premature carols...or worse!

I give thanks for soothing music in my ears on the bus as the other passengers seemed to have a lot to say...or rather not much to say but an eager need to keep repeating themselves. I give thanks they weren't talking to me!

I give thanks for hearing  that the consultant's response to the GP flapping about my last results was to recommend leaving everything just as it is. Phew! The doc had suggested more frequent blood tests and I'd really rather not... I give thanks Mr Upstairs seems to have completed his 10000 steps a day challenge on the creaky floorboards above my head and I can remove my earplugs and find something vaguely useful to do...

When you're smiling

I didn't get much sleep last night with so much going on in my head, so I give thanks for giving up trying and getting up for Redbush tea and digestives in the early hours before finally dozing off...

I give thanks for trying to find out more today about various aspects of maybe moving and remaining philosophical about no news and thus no further actions to take for now, just many contingency plans to make and lots of potential fretting to do!

I give thanks for finding something comfy to wear on my sore feet before setting off for town dressed for the bright sunshine I could see through the window and discovering it was raining as well. Took me ages to find the rainbow - it was following me down the hill! For dropping off charity shop donations and half a bag of flour for the single assistant who works in the health food shop and, like me, struggles to use up a whole bag before it gets very old. For some laughter at the Revive group after a rather awkward start, and a lady I've not met before complimenting me on my smile. How nice!

Cool for cats

I give thanks to Rachel for cooking my tea and washing up while her acupuncture needles did their thing. For the pleasure of her company and her generosity with her time.

I give thanks for checking my 'business' emails several times a day with diligence though decreasing hope, and thus finding out this morning that my solicitor has received an amended draft of the extended lease and it's on the way to the buyer's solicitor to approve. I did wonder if the freeholder might try to time things so as to cause maximum disruption by timing his response to coincide with the run up to Christmas though, of course, I still don't know how or when or even if it will all pan out. Nonetheless this is the furthest we've got so far and does feel like genuine movement in the right direction and I am very grateful for it. I give thanks I also found out just before I caved in and bought more things I'd planned to hold off from getting until I moved because it was beginning to look as if I wouldn't! Literally...like stuff was in my cart! I can hang on a little longer...

I give thanks for not running round like a headless chicken. It's progress but it's not like I have a completion date, besides I feel more like a kitten than a chicken today, in need of comfortable cosseting on the sofa. I give thanks for making some simple but very tasty lunch, watching some catch up TV, reading a book, dabbling with crafts wrapping presents but generally taking it easy. I give thanks my fistula is still purring!

Monday Monday

I give thanks for a bit more get up and go today. I didn't sleep well so I didn't get up and go til late but hey, that's OK, the sky was brighter and the wind had died down a little by then. For a bath with a book as the hot water soothes my body and a good story soothes my head. For the sound of birdsong in the bushes and trees by the roadside..

It seemed a bit Monday moan day in town with almost everyone I encountered having something to grumble about, so I give thanks for not loitering in case I began to join in, but swiftly buying some more prizes for the tombola, a Christmas gift, home essentials and Big Issue from the remarkably cheery seller braving the wind on the corner. For a cab on the rank when I needed a lift up the hill with my heavy bags and that it's not a very long ride as goodsness me he was the grumbliest of all!

I give thanks for taking down my sun and moon hanging to give it an iron and replace the serendipitous previous poles with the new pieces of dowel. This means I can now hang my winter door curtain back up, which is kind of sad as I'd hoped I'd be gone before it was needed but also something to be grateful for as it should help keep me warm as the temperature falls. Mayhe not straight away though as I am a mite fatigued...

I give thanks for the brief gold in the clouds before darkness fell...and the brief and blissful peace when the neighbours went out.

I guess that's why they call it the blues

Yay, I give thanks the sun came out for the final day of the music festival in town. I give thanks for all the happy punters with the money, energy, mobility and social skills to attend the various events and for the ferocious breeze for sending some of the sounds up the hill.

After a bad night with various discomforts and some rather unpleasant dreams I give thanks for being able to take a long time to get going today...and then for not going very far. I give thanks I did eventually get to sea the churning sea, and walked around some of the less popular paths in the park - well, less popular with humans anyway, there were numerous birds and squirrels! I give thanks for the light on the various coloured leaves and sounds of trickling water between the ponds, and watching the eddies of leaves rise as a fat wood pigeon flapped about on the path. For the few folk I came across reacting to my smiles and hellos with blank stares as, although a greeting back would have been lovely, I didn't feel like having a chat and clearly came across as even less charming than I usually do. For the shapes and shades in this photo...

The ongoing uncertainty about moving, the growing fear that the process is going to grind to an expensive halt, the constant background panic about the state of my health and the usual low spirits I get when days are dark and the coming season seems anything but festive are not making for a jolly mood so I give special thanks to these pictures of design fails for making me laugh out loud.

https://www.boredpanda.com/funniest-crappy-design-fails/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Let it be

Oh I don't know! I don't really feel as if I've been switched on today...but I guess I've been giving thanks that hasn't actually mattered. None of the ideas I had for stuff I might do came to anything apart from cooking and eating and clearing up... over and over again! I give thanks for my appetite, and plenty of food on the premises...

I give thanks weatherwise the day has been murky and dull,  with the rumble of waves in the background and the roar of the rising wind this evening -  just right for staying indoors and, when the sore bits responded to Paracetamol, for a nice siesta! For reminding myself that this is OK as I've a tendency to think I should try harder to live like a well person does, when in honesty I already do pretty well at that...

For catching the end of the Zverev/Federer match and being moved by the former's humility in his interview afterwards.

For this rose's enduring splash of pink among the greens and greys and browns and golden hues.

I can't stand the rain

Well, no actually I'm fine with the rain - it's just the standing up with I can't be doing with today! After a busy week or two with lots of out and about I give thanks for some very important catching up with very little at all.

I give thanks for Julie coming round so I had to get up and dressed and attend to essential chores...and for some congenial conversation of course! For buying both rice milk and vegan cookies on my travels yesterday so I could offer her light refreshments in return for the delivery of some dowel.

I give thanks for the rich aroma of cannabis wafting through the building which I'm sure assisted in an afternoon snooze (and the neighbours in being very quiet) but thankfully didn't bring on the munchies - well not for me anyway! For making some more rags and hooking them into my rug. There's a long way to go but it's getting there, For some leftovers to revamp for tea and a good book waiting to be read in the bath if I can't find anything on TV.

Fog on the Tyne

I give thanks I misread things sometimes and thus keep seeing headlines about a 'daft' deal!

I give thanks I like to shop local where possible (well, on the local bus routes anyway) but there are no stores that cover all bases. Tesco is my favourite for hummus and organic everyday groceries plus it seems to be the only place in the county that sells Oatly vegan custard which is pretty much the nicest and most kidney friendly there is! Sainsbury's is best for veggie mince and samosas, Morrisons for bread, the health food shop here for flour and oats and another independent one in a nearby town for tinned fruit and chamomile tea bags. It's tough trying to get around them all but I guess modern life is designed for (healthy) folks with cars... or not very discerning tastebuds... or, let's be honest, probably both! Oh well, I give thanks at least it gives me a purpose in life attempting to keep acceptably fed...

I give thanks though my toes and thumbs were very sore the bits in between were mostly OK today and, as I can only haul so much up the stairs at one time, I could go out for some more hunting and gathering. For the day becoming increasingly murky as that set off the autumn colours so well. For forewarning from the weather forecasts that the temperature will be dropping next week so to carry as much as I can before the shiver factor makes everything so much more hard work. For a rare trip to Lidl's where I bought a fine selection of bargain priced light weight items to try and clocked some more for another bagful sometime.

Labelled with love

I give thanks for remembering Squeeze. I believe they're still going though I don't know what their music is like now, but they used to write songs like paperback novels!

I give thanks for a quiet spell yesterday evening to make a noise laughing at a QI while the neighbours who might hear me were out. That cleared away dark moods about difficult situations for a while and distanced me from various types of pain. Both are a tad troublesome at the moment so I give thanks for knowing they will pass. For remembering to be grateful for the chap upstairs when his brother came round for the evening, despite not being that grateful myself.

I give thanks for the consultant apparently passing on getting her knickers in a twist like the GP yesterday who was going to ring her up, and for thus not having to trundle off to the hospital. For having a passably healthy day all considered... For passing on buying alcohol and chocolate for myself while looking for gifts and tombola prizes and making the young woman serving in the off licence very pleased and happy with my choice.  For an hour or so's congeniality at the craft group and coming home with more freebies than I arrived with!

Monster mash

You can't eat them so enjoy them some other way. Today I give thanks for repurposing some small green sprouting potatoes as printing blocks. Well trying to anyway - it being an if-you-don't-succeed-at-first-find-something-else-to-fail-at kind of time in my life! I give thanks for discovering I'm much better at carving potatoes than I thought I'd be... and a lot worse at holding them so painty potatoes kept bouncing around and making a miserable mess! I really did enjoy it though and have resolved to have another go with better shaped spuds, lighter fabric so the colours show and a larger work surface so the material doesn't keep slipping off onto my lap.

After the clearing up I gave thanks for a jar of ready made curry sauce to quickly add some veg and chickpeas and rice...as this reminded me why I don't buy such conveniences! Ugh, it was gross! I give thanks I'm hopeful I can add some stuff (flavour perhaps?) to make it more bearable tomorrow.

I give thanks for some bright news among the gloomy update from the dietician ie. that Oatly's divine custard (which I like better than both dairy or soya versions) is probably better for me than either of those two are...

I give thanks the GP who rang up to tell me how dreadful another part of  my blood test was meant well... It's impossible for people to grasp how little I care as long as I feel OK, because they're not used to people with these numbers feeling OK I guess. I give thanks I feel OK. Pretty low in spirits because I've stopped taking the happy pills so all manner of hurting is back, and my future's looking kind of dim, but hey...well enough to be wondering what to have for tea and where to sneak in a lyric.

Somebody to love

Well that was an interesting weekend -  I accidentally activated a 3 day pass to a dating site! Of course I didn't have to spend time on it, but of course I did and found it most revealing. I'm not utterly naïve. I do realise being this old, unnattractive and umhealthy kinda rules out romance but I'd thought I might find a chap for spme congenial chat for half a hour or so. But I'm so far from the madding crowd in terms of what goes on in my head and what matters to me even that was too tall an expectation.

Oh well, I give thanks for the major miracle of very occasionally coming across folk who find me bearable, and even quite pleasant in small and widely spaced doses! And for those who don't, but don't think I should be admonished or punished for being different as did my mother and siblings and many folk after...

Not everyone can find a perfect partner, but if everyone could grow up with at least one person believing in them, cherishing them and showing them how to feel good about themselves the world would be a much better place for us all, as so much bitterness and bad behaviour comes from feeling rejected or isolated, or not valued.  I give thanks for discovering over the years, if you love yourself loads, and try to have as much compassion for others as you can manage, you can muddle along somehow without all of the above...

I give thanks for being out and about and busy today, checking out possible things to buy if Bob decides to visit before the 'festive' season. I give thanks for a very quick and gentle blood test, for lovely warm sunshine and a cosy coat with hood for the wind and rain. For the colours of the leaves still on the trees, and being able to see the shapes of the trees that have lost them. For finding snacks to eat on my travels...not especially renally friendly snacks so I do hope the results of today's test aren't awful so they want to do them again tomorrow!

Could it be magic

I give thanks for the magical mystery of creative inspiration - that sudden or subtly emerging urge you get to arrange words, music, colours, cloth or whatever into the patterns that appear in your mind's eye or ear. Well, I get it and of course so do lots of others but I apologise if you you're one of the many who don't and don't know what I mean...but you can be grateful for its results that surround you anyway. It is one of the most precious pleasures in my life to feel it, and of course especially special when I can make my hands do the necessary to make my visions come true. I give thanks today, though the weather started so bright and warm and inviting I have stayed indoors and bustled about with some of the things I'm trying to make and for the enjoyment and satisfaction in the tasks. Nice to look out the window from time to time and see the changing moods of the sky and light,

I give thanks for minimal pain as well, which helps to make this more possible, in fact all things more possible. I can still feel those 'burning' nerves but at a much lower volume, and all my other usual sore places likewise. This has been happening for the last few days, along with better sleep and a general sense of improved well being, and I tend to think it maybe that the stuff they gave me for the first problem are working on all the others too. I've read on line it is used to treat fibromyalgia, and if what I'm feeling is not coincidence and the effects are the result of a tiny dose of this medication then so it blooming well should be! People could get their lives back - although on reflection they would be drug dependent lives with rather more humming than is necessary so swings and roundabouts I guess!  Still, if you live with almost constant disabling aches and pains, disturbed sleep and low energy and you get a few days off from it it is an amazing experience to savour and be grateful for anyway. Once a month or so for 'respite care' would be nice...

A hard rain's gonna fall

I give thanks those cookies turned out OK. I flavoured them with ground ginger and cinnamon, used rice milk and some finely chopped crystallised ginger and an extra couple of spoons of jumbo oats which made them crunch as if there were nuts in - always a bonus if you're not supposed to eat nuts!

I give thanks for sleeping better and waking up with nothing hurting so just lying still for a while to enjoy it. For Julie saying she'd get and cut some dowel for me and Mima offering me afternoon tea and teacake at hers with a lift home after. For a nice chat with the chap upstairs when he too was sheltering from a heavy squall of rain in the downstairs hallway

I give thanks for good news in the post - my student loan has finally been written off and I've qualified for a podiatry assessment. I might not qualify for treatment however, they'll have to assess me and see!

I give thanks for finding just the fabric I wanted for a craft idea in town here and the man cutting it badly and me saying I didn't mind so I got it extra cheaply too! I give thanks I labelled the boxes I packed and stacked so optimistically earlier in the year as I needed to get some materials out of one of them for this project too. Oh and I was delighted the right box was in the front pile and not quite at the bottom of it!

I give thanks for having lots of spare specs as I stepped on and mangled a pair today and luckily the replacements, though also in 'storage' were fairly accessible. I give thanks for my joints being pretty easy going so I've been able to dash about between the showers, for the mildness of the weather and for it being the kind of rain where the leak buckets not needing emptying. I've not worked out which sort does and which doesn't but whatever, doesn't is fine by me!

Sugar and spice

I give thanks for my dark sense of humour. When it's 3 am and you're trying to get comfy enough in bed to fall asleep again but every shift in position brings a different 'Ouch!' or 'Oof!' or 'Ow!' it is kind of comic... as well as somewhat tragic of course!

I give thanks for the sleep I had, and for waking early enough to deal with the demon courier and the cocked up communication systems which meant I didn't get essential emails or texts and he didn't have a number to call to say he was here. I give thanks it was a pleasant morning weather-wise so I could have the kitchen window open to hear him arrive, and that my knees are in a good mood and let me (almost) run down the stairs!

His highness has not been so mellow however, so I give thanks for an old Columbo to cheer me up when he's been grouchily shouting and stamping around. I've been feeling rather creative so I give thanks for the times between my hands seizing up when I could put my ideas into action for a while.

I give thanks I wasn't moving into temporary accommodation on this stormy afternoon as at one point I thought I would be and had paid a now lost deposit. That I'm not quite so grateful for!

Poison Ivy

I give thanks the doctor wanted to see me after our telephone chat for several reasons including the trip to town helping distract me from the burning pain and the fact she's a GP I've not seen for many years so it was nice to have a catch up chat! Although she couldn't identify the cause of the problem it is something nerve related and may be related to the build up of toxicity in my body. Definitely not poison ivy - but it's such a fab song (especially by the Lambrettas) I couldn't resist! I give thanks she suggested some medication to try from the very short list of treatments I'm allowed.

I give thanks the surgery is on the sea front so I could admire the churning waves, though it was very hard to hold the camera still in the buffeting wind. The mild weather is very comfortable for my joints however, and the breeziness very stimulating to my spirits so I give thanks for ambling around while the pharmacy prepared my prescription getting some odds and ends in the shops including arancini! I had been craving these for some reason and, as they're not something often encountered round here had wondered if I could make my own, but luckily there were some reduced in Waitrose to save me all the bother. They were delicious too!

Blue velvet

Well, yellow isn't noticeably the colour any longer - not on the the nearby trees at least. A mighty gust just sent a blizzard of their leaves into the air! I don't think I've ever seen quite such a dense cloud of them before, and give thanks I was looking out of the window at the appropriate moment, and for it still being light enough to see...

Although I didn't spend much money yesterday I spent large chunks of the night paying various physical prices for my exertions so I give thanks for taking things very easy today. One particular pain is not shopping related nor, as far as I can tell, related to any ongoing health issues and as it has been going on for about 10 days now  I give thanks I've managed to book a telephone consultation with one of the GPS to see if she can shed some light and maybe make it go away. I give thanks though I've been very uncomfortable I still feel very well all things considered...

I give thanks for 'discovering' instant microwave puddings a while back. OK, they're not really instant - from getting up on your feet to follow your fancy for something hot and sweet to licking your plate might be about 10 mins but that's pretty good! The texture is more rubbery than the cake baked sort but they're so simple to put together and cook so quickly you can practically do it while you make an accompanying cuppa so who's complaining? Usual renal rules apply to me so I can't have coffee, chocolate, nuts or dried fruit but rose petal jam on the bottom/top, with a little lemon zest in the batter was very nice indeed.

I give thanks for the gorgeous fabric of the 'new' tunic I won on eBay. No, it isn't blue velvet but I don't know any songs about black, orange, red and green velvet do you?

Yellow is the colour

I was really looking forward to Rachel coming last night...partly because a few minutes before I'd finished her jumper (which we were both extremely grateful for!) and partly because I felt very much in need of treatment for my various ills and woes. Before she arrived, while finishing off dinner I kept telling myself not to whinge and whine when she did. but luckily she's been feeling the effects of encroaching winter too so we were able to swap funny stories and hints and tips and ended up laughing instead.

I give thanks for Mr Tesco helping me make a lovely meal* The freezer is almost empty now except for bread and milk. Do I give up assuming I'm gong to move and stock is up with more food? Oh decisions, decisions...

I give thanks for feeling reasonably functional again today and for deciding to get some odds and ends in the city - taking in the pretty wooded bus ride views of without a hospital appointment looming makes a nice change but I was hunting high and low for my mp3 player. During the search I found a favourite scrunchie I thought I'd lost which pleased me greatly... and then the missing item in the little pouch I'd put it in on my trip with Jan...along with some stashed cash I'd forgotten. Nice one! I give thanks for Bob sending me his Christmas list so I could put this money to good use...

I give thanks for my knees being amenable to much trudging around, pricing and appraising various things...and for discovering in my travels that some of the shops I used to go to when I lived nearby are still there. For a mahoosive slice of carrot cake from Waterstones to keep me going...and a £1 hat to keep my hair on when the wind started blowing. For getting home before it was completely dark, and before I got too wet.

*and that there's some leftover for today as I've been out for hours and am way past wanting to chop and cook

I've got my love to keep me warm

I give thanks for the milder weather. I function much better when I'm not tense and hunched up with cold and stiffly bundled into layer upon layer of clothing. It also helps with aching joints and tendons - always a bonus!

I give thanks for sleeping a little better... For a cushion between my knees helping with back pain though with my other arrangements it's a rather complicated manœuvre turning over in bed...

I give thanks for wrestling a delayed prescription from the surgery earlier. Just got to steel myself for the evil courier now...

I give thanks for Waitrose doing the sensible thing at last and giving me some vouchers for money off a ten pound spend instead of thirty, forty or more which I'd struggle to use as there's not that much I like to get from there let alone carry up the stairs. For my knees only grumbling quietly when I brought up what I'd bought today.

I give thanks the little skirt I made from some psychedelic 60s patterned needlecord last year still fits. It's one of my favourite garments ever...

The letter

There are a couple of nights a year when, even if I can't face going down and up them to join in the fun, I give thanks for the hill and stairs here because I get glimpses of fireworks anyway. I give thanks yesterday evening I saw some good ones, even some of the ones in the main town display which rose high enough over the trees and that cheered me up a bit.

It's the start of the sad season for me when I'm not only affected by lack of light but of warmth and mobility and of social exchanges that don't involve hearing about what other people are doing and wishing I could too! I give thanks I should be used to it by now, and for understanding it probably feels worse than usual because I've invested so much money and effort in the possibility of change for the better and everything is still the same.

I give thanks for making myself get up and get on with a few things despite lack of energy and enthusiasm after a troubled night...and for some good dreams in the bits when I was asleep! For some household chores done, and printing, filling in a posting a self referral form for someone to look at my poorly toenails on the NHS please, though I suspect they might say no you have to pay! I give thanks for my poorly joints being a little less sore except for on the stairs, and my poorly chest being a little less tight.

I give thanks for the misty murky weather softening the autumn colours, and for remembering this song I've loved for more than half a century... The lead singer was 16 when those vocals were recorded - they don't make boy bands like that any more!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQaUs5J2wdI

Eye of the tiger

I give thanks they don't make Tiger Balm from real tigers as I've become rather dependent on the effect of its soothing vapours on my congested chest! I give thanks I sleep alone and can slather myself with this in the wee small hours when I'm awake and uncomfortable, as well as have the light on and get up for Roobosch tea and a snack. Though of course I guess if I slept with the right person they might get up and bring refreshments to me.. Haha, what a lovely thought, dream on! I give thanks there are folks for whom this kind of thing is a reality though, who have people who help them look after themselves not as a job but because they think they're worth it. Long may it continue for them...

I give thanks my unplanned wakefulness meant I could put a sly bid on to win a top that caught my eye in Ebay! I hope I like it in the flesh, or fabric maybe that should be. Luckily I'm usually lucky in shopping but errors of judgement do slip in now and then...

I give thanks for my first email from my longstanding penpal on Florida's Death Row. The JPay system said it was from 'my loved one' which is pushing it a bit but I love that after years of wrangling with the authorities the prisoners can communucate with friends and family without paper, postage stamps and a long, long wait!

It's been a dark day here so I'm grateful I went out yesterday. I'm sure my chest will be grateful if I don't go out on a chilly damp evening to see a bonny bonfire and firework display, just need to persuade my mind and heart... There's a new series of Beck starting, that might help!

Ring my bell

My goodness me I give thanks for gong baths! Apart from anything else it's something I would do even if I were well and that's spectacularly special when bodily malfunction dictates much of what you do... or don't do... I give thanks it's also a place I feel safe and comfortable and warm, see faces old and new, hear wonderful sounds and feel the effect of their waves travelling through my body which can be very soothing to aches and pains and helped my knees a lot. I give thanks for much jollity with Sally and Hannah while packing up and coming home.

I give thanks for the snugness of my bed after yesterday's efforts, and for a bright mild day tempting me out of it. For my charity shop coat, and hat, and scarf and dress! For still no flat sale news as it means another day living in this delightfully friendly place. For finishing shopping and chatting in time to get to the cab rank before the cars all disappeared to pick up children... For having some leftover products of yesterday's cooking fest as I've pretty much run out of energy for anything but eating now...

Get ready for this

I had a call from one of the kidney homecare team last night, making sure I knew who to call (not Ghostbusters!) when I start to feel ill. I've encountered this lady before and she belongs to what I (privately) call the Angel of Death school of medical practice, determined to instill fear and reliance in her patients. She's been telling me for several years I must accept my fate and will start to need her intervention very soon, so I gave thanks I could say 'Not today, thank you' once again...

Last night I was very tired, and not keen to get moving today so I was beginning to think, yeah this is the beginning of the end...but after a soothing soak in the bath and a rub down with Tiger Balm I was grateful to find myself in the kitchen making pasta for lunch, and curry for tea, whilst dashing back and forward to the bedroom to get a bit more ready for the seasonal changes which have come on a little suddenly and caught me unawares. I give thanks since then I've been up the ladder to get the electric blanket and autumn duvet down, stripped the bed and turned the mattress (oof, that's hard work!) before grovelling on the floor underneath to sort out an extension lead. Eat lunch, remake bed, rustle up a pear and ginger crumble for afternoon delight, wash up, sit down, hand jive to 2 Unlimited and realise, nah, I'm fine...I just do a lot of stuff and get a bit exhausted now and then. I give thanks medical science can bog off a little longer!

Tonight I plan to go and get gonged so I give thanks for a quiet period before I start layering up for the dark and cold. I give thanks for another layer of Tiger Balm on my sore bits. I may pong a bit but no one near me should suffer from nasal congestion after the session! Decided to watch a programme about what goes on behind the scenes in hospitals and the hospital they started with was the one I attend! Absolutely fascinating to see backstage everywhere from microbiology to the laundry to Rose Cottage!