Wednesday 31 August 2011

Dutch courage

It's not difficult to mystify the doctor on duty today but to give her her due even the internet failed to come up with a cause of my specific aural symptoms. Never mind, it was a pleasant morning and I loved being outside while I waited for the prescription for the antibiotic/steroid drops she'd decided I should use while the lab tries to indentify exactly what is living in there! I had a cup of tea on the windy almost deserted beach and as I had not much to carry decided to walk back up the hill. It wasn't so much to save the cab fare...it's only three pounds...but because I really felt like staying on the beach but had too much to do so I thought the fresh air might make up for it a little. Heading along the seafront to the back road back up the hill I found two pound coins lying in the road and later, moving furniture for 'the decorators' I found another one! Thanks to the cosmos for the walk then and for each finding of the fare for another time ha ha!

Thanks also to Laura and Alan for much productivity about the place and to myself for doing some sterling work at the lower levels. The old door fits in its hole, the living room window frame is ready for undercoat...and the ceiling and freize for the top coat, the plate rack's made and on the kitchen wall displaying my two remaining old blue and white plates with the new noticeboard below. All looking lovely and gratitude for each stage of improvement made.

I'm grateful for finding a spinach and ricotta canelloni in the freezer I forgot I had...for a safety level soak in a six inch bath, for comfy pjs and slipper socks and dressing gown, for loads of things I've recorded on TV and crafts to do if have any energy left in my feeble hands and arms after typing (and retyping)!

And lastly because, after watching a programme about the history of the circus last night I had a real yen to see one but couldn't work out where or how...then walking home today, somewhere I wouldn't have been if I'd got a taxi, I saw a poster announcing that the Netherlands National one's coming to Exeter next week! Just a few miles up the road...yippee!

Tuesday 30 August 2011

Clearly exhausted

Heavens, I'm dozy tonight! My first gratitude for the evening is for left over cauliflower cheese from yesterday so I didn't have to cook. My second is for the record and pause buttons on my Skybox so that if I plan ahead I can watch what I fall asleep during some time later when I'm awake!

It was so grey and cool and cloudy today with little spits and spats of rain but astonishingly the air was really clear and you could actually see for miles. Portland Bill was easily visible but mysteriously I could see something else 'further round' as it were. I wondered if it might be the Isle of Wight but have decided that it's probably too far and not in the right place. So I reckon it must have been a very big boat ha ha! Gratitude for such a good view anyway.

Tons of thanks to Rachel as always for trying her best to mend me...and my bracelet that I'm too broken to mend myself! And I'm grateful to the shops for having all the things I wanted to buy but no big queues to have to wait in. and for the little shell box I bought to go on my bathroom shelf because although Lush make lovely toiletries their storage tins for the solid ones are that kind of 'metal' that stains when it's wet...

Finally for now...Just to make it clear for Pat and anyone else who may not have understood earlier...It's great I didn't have to fit a trip to the doctor in alongside my weekly visit from the nurse and weekly acupuncture session! But, as there's a member of the practice off sick and thus everyone else is double booked, to get an appointment lateish tomorrow morning without have to ring up early tomorrow is even better ha ha!

Doctor, Doctor

Be careful what you wish for...

Woke this morning with that sense of grim gloom you get when you have a difficult and probably disheartening task ahead of you and it took me a while to realise what was causing it. Then I remembered...trying to get appropriate medical attention! Experience has shown this to be at least as tortuous a process as illness itself so I dread trying to get anyone to deal with anything!

Apart from the obvious, and all the attendant physical and bureaucratic complications with that, I have two things I feel I need to see a doctor about. I mean actually see one, because they would need to see me. One, the suspected ear infection I'm not fussy who looks at it because (and I've spent ages fretting over this) surely even the most entrenched idiots on the team couldn't misdiagnose that could they? The other, I would need someone to actually listen and think about. So clearly I need two appointments...one just as soon as poss, the other I'll have to choose someone I think willing and able and wait a while. Thought I'd check out my first choice's availability when I went in to see the duty doctor today or tomorrow. There you go, a plan I thought. Break the difficult task up into manageable pieces...But there are no appointments to see anyone at all this week. So yes, I got my wish and don't have to deal with doctors, but not in a good way... Gratitude and growling in equal measures there!*

The best thing about the weekend was definitely reading my book. TV I felt was mostly rubbish, I felt mostly rubbish. 'Hector' is a psychiatrist who realises he can't make people happy and goes on some travels to see if he can find out what does. Because of the subject matter and style it's the kind of book I might have written (or tried to!) but there's absolutely no need as this clever Frenchman has done it already. I guess I'd better finish reading it before I get over enthusiastic. Never judge a book until you get to the back cover having read all the way from the front.

* Today's duty doctor has phoned me. She said there was no point trying to help me over the phone and has made an appointment for me to be seen tomorrow morning. Simples!

Monday 29 August 2011

Top down


Well I achieved my goals...made and ate some cauli cheese and finished knitting and attached the piece of blanket edge I was working on. As you can see I'm getting there, just the rest of the bottom half to sort out.

I'm grateful that I finally managed to get showered and dressed as even though you might not feel physically better if you put proper clothes on, you do feel less of an incompetent invalid.

I'm grateful I managed to complete the tasks I'd set myself and some of the chores that needed doing. Sometimes when I'm doing them I don't express thanks. Sometimes when I'm tired and in pain I moan and groan and wish that there was someone here to help me. Someone to say: you go and rest...I'll take care of this. Or just to make me a cup of tea when I've finished... but I know I'm lucky really that I can still do things...that I still have things to do...that I still think they matter.

I'm grateful I felt the sunshine on my skin when I took some stuff down to the bins.

And I'm grateful for Jerry Bruckheimer's Chase. I'm not sure of it's any good as I haven't watched it yet but I recorded the pilot and I'm going to watch it in a min. If it's anything like Without a Trace, Cold Case and CSI I'll be even more grateful but for now I'm just glad I've something to watch I'm in the mood for...

Own goals

UK, US, Germany, Greece, Canada, Brazil, South Korea, Thailand, Latvia, Poland, India, Jersey, UAE, Ukraine, Spain, Ireland, Russia, Philippines...these are the places from where people have accessed my blog. Of course many of them landed on the page by accident and didn't come back but interesting to see such a long list anyway...

Today I'm not sure going even as far as out of my pjs is possible...Never mind it's nice to laze around reading the Hector searching for happiness book I mentioned before. Very good indeed!

My goals are to make some cauliflower cheese and finish the piece of blanket edging strip I'm working on...

Am grateful for pseudo global readership, a good book and having goals

Sunday 28 August 2011

Crumble upon

This evening I give thanks for I put aside my pride and bought some crumble mix. I would have laughed at the idea before, though it's not as bad as the pancake mix I saw once to which you 'jus't had to add an egg and milk. Er...wouldn't that be flour then, I wondered? Anyway, I thought if I wanted a little portion comforting fruity pudding once in while without a lot of planning or prep then this was worth a try. It tastes OK, actually. Time was when I'd have just made a BIG pudding and eaten it all but am not quite so piggy now...

I give thanks for last week's episode of Ocean Giants I've just caught up with, especially film of the whales who come to say hello and be stroked in the place where once they were hunted. Great big whales sticking their heads out of the sea next to boats to be stroked by tourists...no fish gifts involved. Awesome!

And I'm grateful my ear problem's been less painful this afternoon. Will defo have to see a doctor if symptoms don't improve but if it doesn't get worse than this can wait til after the Bank Holiday. And I'm also grateful that I bought that buddha last week as it inspired me to tidy the shelf I've put it on. You can't keep a buddha in a messy place, can you? What's that...you can? Well, maybe you can but I certainly prefer not to!

Grateful Start

This morning I'm grateful the ear pain subsided eventually in the small hours so I could get some sleep. Maybe I have an ear infection...I don't know, I've never had one so not sure how to be sure...but I'm glad that I didn't oversleep as a result of such a late night and miss taking an antibiotic for the infection elsewhere I know I do have! Most of us tend to have areas of our bodies where our immune systems seem less vigilant in their patrols and mine have always done a sterling job in the ears before so I give thanks for that too!

I also express gratitude for some very heartwarming primetime TV moments yesterday evening. Stars I'd heard of on Family Fortunes who had delightful and droll families too. Jo Wiley's young son Jude especially! And for those gobsmacking X Factor moments when people you don't expect to be good are...especially when their voices and musical style are so different from their outward appearance...and most of all when they're not as commercially 'cute' as some for whom it appears that's a factor. Johnny Robinson! Such a warm and funny and lovely guy...and a legendary audition... Craig Colton surprising his parents sitting in the audience after telling them he couldn't join them as he had to go to work. Both 'boys' singing girl songs funnily enough... I just watched those two again today to check their names to give them a name check and also to feel that swell of emotion again... So a round of applause as well for Youtube's amazing resources

Anyway, I'm grateful I don't have to get up and make Sunday dinner and grateful I got up and made cinnamon toast! I'll be grateful when the washing up and ironing is done I imagine as well, ha ha!

Saturday 27 August 2011

Squared up

Yay! I've finished knitting all the squares and stripey strips of the Oxfam blanket! Just got to finish the edging and the sewing up now...well not now exactly, now I've got to chill for a bit. I've a horrid earache which makes lying down less pleasant than it ought to be so in its own way that's helped. Am grateful for getting so far with the project but not really for the earache to be honest! It provides a bit of variety from my other aches and pains and infirmities I guess...

Am also grateful to my neighbour upstairs for coming back from an all nighter and not crashing and banging and shouting...not so far anyway!

Forgot to mention earlier that I'm also grateful that 'Red Dog' has been made into a movie. I don't know if the movie's any good but the book is brilliant so even if not perhaps more people will read it as a result of the name being more well known. Kind of like Memoirs of a Geisha... Red Dog is about a dog funnily enough (the kind of dog that maybe some of us would like to be), and about the people it meets and how they are affected. I like the book so much that I've bought it twice as gifts for other people though somehow I've omitted to buy it for myself!

Well now I'm going to see if I can face some food. I finished that lovely stew earlier so will have to have another idea...I'm guessing fish fingers will be involved! Definitely give thanks for fish fingers...fifty years of comfort food!

Either or

This morning I give thanks that no one's coming round and I'm not going anywhere...although at some point in the next couple of hours I do plan to move from the bedroom to watch the Belgian Grand Prix qualifying and make yet another phone call with a query re my current medication. According to the printout packet label the quantity is 14 but there's only 10 inside so I need to check if it's a misprint or a miscount. Honestly, you have no idea how life limiting a life limiting disease can be! The constant care you have to give all manner of medical personnel! As you can maybe tell, despite feeling pretty rough today I'm currently in quite mellow spirits and I'd rather be physically poorly and mentally well than vice versa, if I had the choice between the two...and only between the two of course!

Sometimes I'm very glad I don't have someone to 'look after' me because there is so much stuff needs doing and either they'd feel they should do it and perhaps get fed up of the responsibility, or they'd not even offer to do some things and I'd feel hard done by! Those of you with devotionally reciprocal relationships may be puzzled by the last sentence but others less blessed might understand. I'm grateful I'm not in an unloving relationship...trust me, if you don't know what that's like you should be very grateful indeed.

Last night I started reading a library book I'd already had to renew before even opening...I hadn't even properly looked inside (just liked the title - Hector and the Search for Happiness - and the blurb) but when I began I was most impressed and fell asleep wondering how best to describe the style which reminded me of Mark Haddon's or perhaps, in some small way, my own story the Princess and the Spaceman...where things are described as they might appear without an 'accepted' interpretation. This morning I turned the book over and there on the review quotes on the back was the phrase 'intelligently naive'. Yes...that's the one! Or could it be 'naively intelligent'? Hmmm...

Friday 26 August 2011

It never rains...

Phew, thought if I woke up early enough and felt capable I'd make a mad dash to the city for some things not on sale here. Torrential rain great for this as everywhere much less crowded... Plan A went according to plan and back now and dry and almost warm! Very tired though and would love to nap but have spent last hour and a half going round in circles on phone regarding a cryptic prescription chemist unwilling to fulfil and now have to stay alert for delivery when Lushly ablutions beckon...

* Am grateful for having enough get up and go to go!
* For FGW for running a train with a leaky roof...think about it...they could have cancelled the service and I had a mac on anyway!
* To Lush for selling some lovely pampering things even for those who can't wallow any more..
* For a favourite little shop having a delightful Buddha...not too expensive or heavy to carry
* To JSB once again for his great violin concertos to listen to on the journey
* To Laura for hanging the last tricky bit of kitchen wallpaper while I was out and bringing me samples for the living room
* For Bob and Cath's excited Facebook updates re their day out today...may it be as splendid as we all imagine...
* To Debbie for feeling up to making her kind comments again!

Right, now to lie down and wait for those pills. If I don't get back here again today with more gratitudes that's enough to keep us going for a while...

Thursday 25 August 2011

Mind how you go...

Mmmm! Loved my stew and bread and cheese! Feeling quite content just now so thought I'd get a post in quick whilst smiling!

All that dozing on the sofa last night I completely forgot some programmes I meant to watch...didn't even remember to record them, duh! I caught the end of the one about the Buddhist wonders of the world and had that lovely peaceful inside feeling I get when I remember about such matters. More mindful of being mindful again...So all afternoon I was saying to myself just get this done and that done and then you can sit down with your food and watch the rest of that on iplayer. (Isn't catch up TV brilliant? And pause buttons and rewind and all those things so many of us take for granted now. BIG gratitude for all those...)

And I've now watched the part I missed and think I would like to get a new Buddha statue to remind me as above. It has to be the 'right sort' though. I'll know it whn I see it, and I have in mind a couple of places I could look. I used to have a couple I really liked but they got damaged in many transits and the only one I have now is tiny. Does fit in a purse or pocket which is great but I'd like one for my living room again. Anyway the presenter was in Thailand in the early part that I missed and she was in a big temple complex in Bangkok and I looked at one of the buildings and said out loud 'There's a great big lying down Buddha in there!' and eventually she went in that bit and showed us. I'd forgotten that I'd been there until I saw the images, it was more than twenty years ago. Beautiful place...and actually where I bought my little Buddha although it shouldn't technically have been for sale! (Loads more gratitudes there...)

And while I was watching I had a text from my son Bob and he's going indoor skydiving tomorrow. I bought him a voucher for two for Christmas and so wanted him to do it (Well, I'd like to do it myself really...but you know no one's bought me a voucher, ha ha!). Not only that but there's a Legoland exhibition right by the skydive place and I never got to take him to Denmark when he was little so he's really looking forward to that too and I'm really pleased for him!

Chop and change

First of all today I give thanks to Mrs Tesco for bringing everything I ordered. Of course she might be Miss Tesco, or Ms, our perhaps a very convincing pre-change Mr, but it's always nice when you get all the things you thought you'd bought and brought right upstairs and into your home with a bit of cheery chatter and all for a modest fee.

I've not got much of an appetite at the moment so have mostly stocked up things that will keep...or which will hopefully prove irresistible...and I've chopped the tired looking vegetables already in the fridge and made a stew for the slow cooker. I give thanks for persuading myself to do this as I LOVE vegetable stew and am bound to fancy a little bowl or two later with a chunk of fresh crusty rye mix bread and a little sweet organic butter! I'd also like to express thanks for my slow cooker which was a free promotional offer with some mail order catalogue I dealt with. It's not perhaps the most stylish, neither is it particularly big. But you know I keep it in a cupboard so I don't care what it looks like and it holds two good size portions of whatever and I rarely need more than that.

NB. For non-UK readers - Yes hot stew is suitable food for late August on the English Riviera!
NB. For UK readers - yes, I do have some who aren't!

I've set myself the task of lightly sanding the area of wall Laura and I reckon we've finished filling in the kitchen and sealing it with a bit of old paint so the wallpaper sticks. I must off and do the sanding soon so that I can run the vaccuum after and remind my upstairs neighbour that SOUND CARRIES!



Wednesday 24 August 2011

Bug on a rug...

I'd meant to write more earlier...I was fairly sure when I started that I would do so but realised I was falling asleep even as I wrote about being tired... Then after a nap and writing the last sentence I promptly fell asleep again! Maybe it's the bug...


Don't panic...it's a close up! Something green to greet me on the laundry when I got up today! Next pic's more realistic...


Anyway, I'm grateful for being able to nap...For having a pretty bug on my drying pedestal mat...For the layers of old paint and wallpaper coming off in satisfying chunks (only cleared a miniscule area of what's got to be done but an easy start's inspiring to carry on)...For getting my Tesco order done...For another unusual evening sky - thick low cloud and rain but the low cloud still glowing pinky orange in the east...For being mildly peckish after another mostly nauseous day so that I'm off to get a snack!

Home work

Today I'm grateful for Laura doing some decorating for me. Not only am I pleased with the progress she has made in turning my visions into reality but yesterday, knowing she was expected, I made myself put the first coat of satin on the last few feet of kitchen skirting board so she could do the top coat today....so I'm pleased with myself for pushing myself too! Similarly today, as she was working in the living room I did more some more work there too and though I'm exhausted now am proud and grateful I made the effort and am still able to contribute a bit more than ideas to improving my home...

Tuesday 23 August 2011

Small change

Fourthly today I give thanks to Rachel for mending me enough to walk to Eastcliff kiosk cafe, and eat a toasted sandwich in their new 'extension' of tables right on the edge of the seawall. I've not much of an appetite these days so that'll keep me going until a bit of fruit (perhaps with cream) for supper. It was rather grey and breezy, not the best weather for tourists so extra great for locals just wanting a quiet snack.

Fit only for the sofa on my return so just been catching up on recorded TV whilst doing a few rows of the squares and stripes cot blanket. The big Oxfam one has taken up so much of my creative time lately that this project and the Tree of Life have been neglected. It's been a very pleasant change to be crocheting for a while..and not using green to do it, ha ha! I'd forgotten how the pattern went (keeping it all in my head as usual) so good to have a memory refresher too. Finally then I'm extremely grateful that in more vibrant times I made a start on a variety of projects to keep me interested and occupied now.

Cold snap

This morning I give thanks first of all for the weather forecast of cool, windy and damp weather for the next few days as I don't feel much like going out.

Secondly I give thanks (again) for the great pictures on the BBC website...glimpses of the otherworldliness of other parts of the world, images of events and the often stunning photography of contributors on various weekly set themes.




Talking of photos, I haven't added any for a while and was looking through the few I have on my pc and found these...of the top...



...and lower parts of a rather impressive potted palm...with more info below




Makes one feel a tad insignificant...but in a nice way! I give thanks thirdly that I've been to Kew!

Monday 22 August 2011

Well, well, well...

Oh, the NHS! The duty doctor explained it's difficult to provide continuity of care as I keep speaking to different people but I haven't found anyone I'd think worth waiting a couple of weeks to see when I'm feeling poorly enough to think I need care and attention! Am not totally convinced I trust any of them to make a correct diagnosis or take appropriate action but feeling feeble with health problems I still revert to childhood and look for someone to 'make it better'... I'm kind of grateful for being reminded my wellness is ultimately in my own hands but oh my goodness I wish I felt helped not hindered sometimes!

I taped Countryfile last night because it was coming from somewhere near here and watched on my sofa session this afternoon. To my astonishment they actually came here...not to my flat you understand but to my local haunts. that was a surprise... and a pleasant one too. I love seeing this place from outside, or trying to see it with an outsider's eye when I'm here. It's not the most quaint or picturesque all over but has such a variety of charms in an area not much bigger than a housing estate and business park. So some gratitude for that too...and for finding out things I didn't know like fig trees will grow in Shaldon!

Been saving this for hours hoping to find something else happy to put on the end. Not been an abundance of gratitude in me today...grumbling and groaning and feeling hard done by, plenty of those. Some days it's extra easy to see why people don't want me around... Um... strawberries, I'm grateful for the sweet juicy strawberries I bought and the jolly little shop where I bought them.

Your starter for five

Today I firstly give thanks for the warm and hazy lazy days weather. Secondly for getting my gym-for-germs body out for a while to try to enjoy it and thirdly for giving up gracefully, getting a bit of shopping and a cab home. When even sitting down eating ice cream doesn't appeal you might as well admit defeat although it takes a different kind of strength to do so...Fourthly I'm glad as ever I don't live in a manic town and can amble and sit when required. Right now it's required that I sit on my sofa and maybe amble through a few rows of knitting...

Sunday 21 August 2011

Clean sweep

Well I did get up eventually and do a few odds and ends...my usual Sunday friends of filler knife and knitting needles coming out to play. I give thanks that the blanket is beginning to look like a blanket with some bits missing rather than just some bits and that when Laura's ready to wallpaper again the last bit of wall to be covered will be ready for her!

I found some links for images of reverse graffiti because I wanted to express gratitude for it earlier and wasn't sure if you'd know what I meant...brilliant concept that baffles the authorities as to whether it's 'good' or 'bad'. Know what I think ha ha!

http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/featured/35-greatest-works-of-reverse-graffiti/1949

http://www.urbanghostsmedia.com/2010/10/reverse-graffiti-environmentally-friendly-urban-spray-art/

I give thanks for leeks and mushrooms in cream cheese and pesto sauce...one of the easiest things ever to make and also one of the most delicious!

And I give thanks also for the pretty sky tonight...clear pale blue with glowing streaks of pinky orange cloud to the west, to the east, to the north and south and overhead and everything in between. Not the brightest or most spectacular but possibly the most all encompassing 'sunset' I've ever seen!

I hope Debbie's OK...I miss your comments. And I hope Rachel and Karen who don't have regular internet access at the moment are missing mine!


The writing's on the wall

This morning I give thanks for my bed and being able to stay in it when I don't feel well. For being able to groan without someone thinking I'm making a fuss...

Last night I saw a news item about a Bristol city councillor successfully pushing to get a number of private and municipal buildings decorated with 'street art' murals. It's taken a while for the notion that painted patterns and pictures out doors can be 'good' but never having had anything against it myself per se I give another gratitude that the establishment has caught on to the idea of separating the 'art' from the vandalism. Bristol, of course, has been ahead of many other urban areas in this concept, courtesy of the reflected glory of Banksy and co...and also, I like to think as I was actually born there, because of an inherent think outside of the box factor... I was also looking at images earlier of the post-it note 'love walls' around the country in places damaged by riots where people express their love for the place where they live and messages of positivity. Wouldn't it be nice if people did that anyway? Gratitude for those too!

Saturday 20 August 2011

Cream of Cornish

Wow...I've just had the most amazing afternoon out with my lovely young friend Jared! Originally the idea had been for a picnic out somewhere and he was ready to downsize this to him coming over and cooking us some scallops for sale locally but I persuaded him to trust the increasingly torrential rain would ease and take me out somewhere. Jared's the only driver I know with wanderlust to match mine as a passenger but he told me traffic on the main road to here was dire so it didn't bode well. It was dire getting out of town too so we crossed the river and took the coast road which is usually nose to tail on a summer Saturday but today...just for us...was miraculously quiet. Ninety seven thanks for that! We drove through a fallen cloud and into a beautiful day and to some astonishingly beautiful places neither of us had been to before, just the other side of the county border but off the 'main drag' and remarkably unspoilt. Ooohs and aaahs of delight round every corner. Can't show you pics as I didn't take my camera...that would have been tempting fate weather and scenery wise I thought!! I had no idea what a gobsmackingly perfect route and destination the whim of my finger on the map had found! One hundred and three thanks for that!

Dreamt last night that the Red Arrows were performing outside my flat and one of them crashed into the garden below. Just seen the news, no gratitude for any coincidences there... makes you think though.

There was a possibility some other friends were coming over this weekend too but I heard not long after I got back they weren’t. Probably all for the best, how much excitement could I take? Tired now...going to eat, do some more blanket making and watch All Star Family Fortunes. I’m grateful that even though Tesco were out of stock of several favourite treats they did have their delicious vegetable samosas for our picnic lunch and their rather good spinach and ricotta cannelloni for my tea! Am also extremely grateful my course of antibiotics has finished and don't have to set my alarm for midnight and six am!

Friday 19 August 2011

Having a smashing time

Well so far today I think the best joys have been memories from yesterday and beyond and 'promises' of those to come in the pages of the Radio Times such as a new series of the Swedish 'Killing' starting in the autumn. The anticipation of that definitely counts as a gratitude for today and, all things being as anticipated, there'll be twenty more gratitudes to come!

During my lie in this morning, internet access in hand, I also discovered by chance a series of 'True CSI' has been shown late in the evenings om Channel 5 and I missed it. But it is on Demand 5 so am going to to 'politely request' a viewing of an episode and see if it's to my taste...I am grateful one again for the facility of catch up TV...

Most of the 'up' part of my day has been spent re dealing with things. You know, all those letters you've written and phone calls you've made regarding situations that require someone with specific powers you do not have to actually do what they say they'll do. And then they don't and you have to start again. It's hard not to get resentful and cross even if your more logical side knows no one personally means to do you harm or cause you anguish, they've just been having a bad day at the office a bit like me...as in between all the repeating myself I've managed to burn the toast and break a glass and knit a whole square of the Oxfam blanket before realising the second row was wrong!

This evening I watched a programme about Totnes because I thought I ought to but my ears only really pricked up when the presenter went to Dartington Hall. Now it's a funny human trait but if someone you like says good things about something or someone or somewhere you are more likely to register 'good' than if it's someone you don't. I've heard things about Dartington in the past and that's all I'm saying on that for now... Very recently however people whose opinions I rated as perhaps more in tune with mine have said things that made it sound more appealing. And this programme showed a festival at the Hall and the director of the festival turned out to be the ex Jain monk who was walking around Dartmoor being mindful and inspiring to me on TV a week our two back. Now that's what I like... a bit of synchronicity, a nudge back on the path...big gratitude for that!

Afterthoughts

Don't need urging to have a duvet day Pat, incapable of anything else so far! Yesterday was a humungous effort on many levels, which I'd made in hopes of humungous rewards but in retrospect, without the big experiences I'd hoped for there were some less obvious little pleasures that linger...like cyclamen in the hedgerow of the section of the coast path I took to get to the viewing field (less of a climb than from the pub side)...like actually being on the coast path, like the pre cancer me though even though far less nimble...and realising the 'four little prop planes' I mentioned seeing before and were the Blades who did make it to the display and were pretty and clever too...and not being the only person on their own at a public event. Of course I was the only woman on my own but there were lots of solitary male photo/plane fans nervously protecting their enormous lenses from the damp. When there's a full on display I always want to film them swinging their telephotos round in unison focusing on the obvious action. They get great shots of course but they do miss out on the complete experience.

I didn't take a single snap. Too cold to take my gloves off ha ha! In a way that was good too because whenever I've remembered being dared to swim in the sea pool at Plymouth one mid august evening a few years back, the lifeguards and spectators all bundled up to their ears, and me shivering so much and for so long afterwards that my 'warming' chips were leaping out of the cone in my hand, I've always thought (now I don't see the people who were with me to confirm the memory) nah, it can't have been that bad...but, yes it could have been and it was!

And yesterday too it was amazing to get back under my own steam with lots of rests enjoying the sight of an almost deserted windswept beach. And when I couldn't get over or round the outflow pipe barring my way (sand too low, tide too high) I was able to summon up the bravery and charm to accost a middle aged male dog walker and ask for and get a 'leg up'. And even that for the first time I bought a programme...which is special precisely because it bore little resemblance to the actual events...

Thursday 18 August 2011

Six of the best

Made it to airshow...

Saw the handful of aircraft that made it too...and enjoyed their displays

Wasn't sick despite nasty nausea from meds

Wasn't hospitalised with hyperthermia though very shivery cold... even MEN were complaining!

Made it home without major trauma (always a toughie in the mass exodus at the end of a public event, car or no car)

Still have picnic I couldn't eat before so can stay horizontal for evening nibbling mouthfuls between much needed naps

Heads or Tails

Before half eight this morning was woken by the sound of torrential rain, by my alarm clock to take my pills and by a young woman shouting, screaming and swearing outside. She was getting more and more frantic and hysterical with some occasionally contributing male but it was too incoherent to tell if he'd really done something as diabolical as she seemed to be suggesting. Put it this way...I'd have been expecting police sirens if so. But she did sound terribly distressed...

It doesn't look like I'm going to the airshow at the moment, it's too cold and wet to sit in a field for four hours not knowing how you're going to get home and without even a companion to talk to about how miserable it is! The visibility is rubbish at the moment too...not good flying weather let alone watching weather. Give it an hour before I decide for sure. Am pretty distressed myself at the prospect of either missing it by not going, or going and missing things because they aren't happening or because I feel too poorly to stay anyway. I can't think of much to be grateful for just now. Ummm...that I have a blog to moan on... That I have a laptop to do it on, and a lapstand to hold it up

Wednesday 17 August 2011

It's Scilly but...

...there's been a fair few interesting planes flying over today... a couple of small jets that looked like lost Red Arrows, a formation of four little prop planes and some other things heard but not seen...the cosmos trying to get me excited perhaps? Wel,l I'm sorting out a little pile of stuff to take with me....waterproof things to sit on and cover me, a flask for tea. My old walking boots that might just get me up a slippery slope...

I give thanks this afternoon for finally getting out of bed, getting some hand washing done and some ironing too. Mostly I've been knitting though...Don't seem to be going very fast at the moment but I'm going to finish that blanket for Oxfam if it's the last thing I before I get stuck into any new projects ha ha! I haven't forgotten my tree, or a pretty little crochet cot blanket I was making for a charity sale but even though not speeding down it am on the home straight now with the big one and would like to get it out of the way, literally and metaphorically.

I give thanks for fish fingers. I give thanks for Lynn's good news. And I give thanks for more happy memories. For the Scilly Isles...never crowded...always beautiful...sometimes misty and always missed!







I give thanks that I've been to St Mary's





And St Agnes...










And St Martins...










And I want to go back!!!

Grounded

Well, it's mid-day as I begin writing this and this time tomorrow I'm supposed to be settling into the taxi that's taking me to the bottom of the field with the view from the top. At the moment it's raining quite persistently and at the moment the weather report is for the same tomorrow. The Vulcan's already phoned in sick and frankly I know the feeling! We'll see...we'll see... Last year I had my son to go to the airshow with, and afterwards dinner in a restaurant in belated celebration of my graduation. I'd been too ill at the time of the formal celebrations and people kept dropping out of the informal ones but we managed a table for six. This year I have to miss the people but I don't want to have to miss all the fun...

I'm grateful today for what feel like small mercies but which I know would feel extra merciless if they weren't there. So I give thanks for my comfy bed and for changing the linen yesterday. And for quiet in the neighbourhood so I can rest and hopefully feel more capable tomorrow. I'm grateful I have memories of happier times

Tuesday 16 August 2011

All in one

I give thanks today for the wonderful place I live. Even in high summer it is possible to get away from the crowds, though it's easier when the tide's out ha ha! For Niknak's chips (fresh fried with a dollop of mayo and only one pound!) to sit on the back beach watching all the different kinds of boats... For our skate park and pier and zoo and half wild public gardens. For the picturesque historic ferry, the port and the old quays with their old inns and all the friendly little privately owned shops and cafes...

I'm grateful to the people dressed as sea gulls walking round the town making seagull noises for making us all laugh (I think this was to remind us not to feed the real ones!)

I'm grateful to Rachel for helpful acupuncture and happy chat...and for making me a cup of tea to drink after my treatment

I'm grateful for finding a big soft hoodie with NO writing on it and for having faith that if I keep taking pills eventually some of them will make me feel better. And most of all just now I'm grateful that when I've finished writing this I can have a little nap as waking up and eating every six hours so I can take them is quite exhausting you know!

Monday 15 August 2011

Hi Five

On the front of my medical notes there is a big sign, I'm sure, that reads 'EXTRACT THE URINE'. Unfortunately not everyone who reads those words realise they mean via a nephrostomy tube. I'll spare you the details...I just wish to goodness they'd spare me ha ha!

So what have I found to be grateful for on a day that's turned grey and nearly turned me grey along with it at times?

I'm grateful for free prescriptions...
I'm grateful for free phone calls...
I'm grateful for the delicious carrot and orange cakes I made...
I'm grateful for free HD TV channels and for Clive for reminding me I have them...
I'm grateful that I know how to knit...

Seeing the light

Part of my lazy evening's viewing was an episode of Come Dine With Me I'd recorded because it said it was from South Devon. It's always cool to see somewhere you know on TV, isn't it? The South Devon referred to turned out to be mostly Torquay so er...how not to be defamatory or inflammatory about Torquay? Oh, yeah...it's my blog so I can if I want to, I remember! Well, there were a couple of people from Torquay, and a female drummer/dressmaker originally from the US who was more of a surprise and Simon Drew! Simon Drew is, to me, more of a celebrity than several contestants I've seen on celebrity editions of Come Dine With Me. The man draws puns for goodness sake...how brilliant is that! I wondered why none of the other contestants seemed to have heard of him but they only knew him as an artist called Simon at first, and only asked what his second name might be after seeing him in his own giveaway surroundings.

I thought of all the cards etc I've bought of his over the years and when it came to his night I looked at all the interesting things in his home and thought in my small way I've helped buy them...weird! I wanted to tell someone there and then but who would I tell? Oh well, I'm telling you now! It was a hilarious episode anyway and if I lived in a house with a view like his I wouldn't mind if I lived on Tesco value baked beans and burnt them each time I cooked them! Well I would really but you know what I mean. High up on a bend in the river, outside Dartmouth, nice! Lots of gratitudes though as well as envy!

Then I went into the kitchen to wash up and make a hot drink and there was a breathtakingly beautiful sky...not a 'sunset' exactly but one of those that are just a perfect gradual shading from one deeper colour above to a different still glowing one on the horizon. No clouds or stars just a wash. Beautiful! I give thanks for that too...

And the light this morning on the wall outside my bedroom, the external window reveal or whatever it's called. The sun rises on that side and I love seeing the cream paint glowing golden when the early rays hit it. Mid winter you can actually watch it rising if it's not behind a tree at the time. I had my bed facing the window when I first moved in as I thought it might be nice to sit up in bed drinking my morning tea and watching but it's not..it's so blindingly bright at that angle you have to screw your eyes shut and can't look anyway!

Sunday 14 August 2011

Foursome

This evening I give thanks for still being able to wield a filler knife fairly nimbly and had a session fine tuning a bit of kitchen wall surface that's still to be papered.

I give even greater thanks for the fact that when I went back after a bit of a siesta to sand it and see if any more fine tuning was required it was still too damp to sand. Profound gratitide for this one as I really just wanted to go and have a shower and chill, ha ha!

I'm grateful to Lynn for understanding why a plane might make me cry!

And I'm grateful that I've done a bit of housework and made some food and that now I can chill some more!

Awesome!

Oh, I'm such a girl sometimes! Crying in bed in my pjs this morning...er, because I'm so happy to hear the Vulcan's coming to the airshow again? Girls cry at the silliest things don't they, ha ha! A hundred million thank yous for the memory of seeing it fly a couple of years ago...for feeling it fly a couple of years ago. That deep engine throb in your chest bone! The word awesome is often bandied about but a Vulcan flying is truly awesome...and there's only one that still can and it's coming back to Dawlish to do it. Woohoo! Now all I've got to do is get myself somewhere where I have a good view and don't have people banging into my hurty bits which I suspect will hurt a lot more by the time I get somewhere with a good view!



For anyone who doesn't know a Vulcan is a big triangle shape...and if it flies with the Red Arrows they can make pretty patterns together...





Whales are also awesome and as some of you know I wondered about going to try and see some in the sea again but I've decided a potentially wobbly crossing with my wobbly hands and delicate 'arrangements' might not be the best combination. However...there's a new BBC series about whales starting tonight. Woohoo! What's that word again? Oh yes... awesome!

Changing the subject, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' I've heard people say...and if I could hear the bugs that are bugging me talking they'd probably be saying the same thing as they rampage about, refreshed and invigorated by another brief battle with a feeble antibiotic.





Whatever kills me I hope I get a good strong grave! This one looks a tad insecure...in fact it looks to me like something climbed out ha ha!


Saturday 13 August 2011

More Comfort and Joy

Well, I've had quite a busy day with this and that, including wielding sandpaper and knitting needles (though not simultaneously), downloading a few more favourite tracks (Nina Simone 'I Ain't got no...I got Life' - yes!)and sharing my pearls of wisdom (which took longer than you might have thought ha ha!).

This evening I'm grateful for spinach and feta pie once again. I made it again so I can be thankful again!

Likewise for Torchwood which I watched another episode of last night and which continues to be silly and serious and scary and sexy and subversive all in just the right proportions!

And for bbc iplayer so that I could catch up!

And for making people laugh. I've given thanks on here for people that make me laugh before, and mentioned things that make me make myself laugh. But I'm also extrememly grateful for the times when I make other people do so. It is soooo cooool!

And for this spooky true video which I've been meaning to put on here all week in case you didn't catch it yourselves... http://uk.news.yahoo.com/video--face-in-the-clouds-caught-during-storm.html

And for actually enjoying a Harry Potter film. I read the first few books and thought they were OK but then I thought the hype got silly...and the piercing screeches of pre-pubescent Hermione were too much for my delicate eardrums. But yeah, I might try some more of the later ones.

Snap Happies


When workmen have too many joints...




The valiant pansy




Reincarnation on a stick



Not at home

I suppose the point I was trying to make about corresponding with Kostas is that I signed up with the Human Writes organisation thinking it was a job that needed doing that I could do. I thought it would probably be a chore but was a kind of pay-it-forward kindness in recognition of the people who've occasionally woken up in the morning and thought 'Oh bleep, I suppose I really ought to make some contact with the woman' and have! There was a point when they were altruistic and found time for me that they would maybe rather have used for something else. My first gratitude of the day is for that altruism.

I try to remember that the fact they don't continue to show it is testament to the fact that they stopped finding any benefit to it themselves, that it became too much of a chore with not enough payoff. We all tend to avoid tasks like that and if necessary ignore reminders or try keep them out of sight. Even if the chores are actually people. Especially so sometimes... Basically I've just been left in a home to die like millions of inconvenient people over the years. It's just that at the moment it's my home! Kostas is in a different type of home...a place where they keep inconvenient people til they kill them. It's all right to kill people sometimes apparently, it's just not everyone's allowed to, or allowed to tell you you can or even order you to do it.

Sorry! The world from a (I suspect) slightly autistic anthropological perspective can be a bit uncomfortable for the normals to hear described! Any times when two or more human beings appear to be not only singing together from the same song sheet but actually in harmony are very precious! For any times when I've not felt like a chore, have had a singing part in the choir, even if playback has afterwards proved me out of tune I give gratitude for today.

Friday 12 August 2011

Snap!

Went out with my head uncovered for only the second time since a year last November. That's what...twenty one months? Still feels quite strange...I mean it feels quite strange to show my head in public again and the hair itself still feels strange. People say well wasn't it curly anyway? Wasn't it curlier when it was short? Well yes, but not this curly, not lots of little tight tiny curls. I'm kind of getting to like it. If I live/it grows long enough I might get cornrows because for the bald months I became quite fond of the shape of my skull. Besides I've a white son with dreads, it would make a kind of pseudo genetic sense for his white mum to have cornrows. Like one of my sisters and I having the same shaped nose...both having had our original shape one broken by a hockey stick in similar school girl accidents seventeen years apart! On the rare occasions we were together in the same place after mine was 'reshaped' people would comment on the 'family resemblance'.

Fourthly today then I give thanks for having enough hair to neither get cold nor sunstroke!


Here is another of our T.R.A.I.L sculptures. You can go to their web site and see some of the other pieces from other years. The hub cap picture I put on here back in June was part of the exhibition a couple of years back





There are loads of them all around the area. This is one of my favourites from this year....The English Tropics rather than the English Riviera!






Here's a closer view of of the pool in this one. Some have solar cells to light up in the dark apparently. But I don't go out at night really so I just have to take their word for it too!







Lastly for this post I give thanks for a great letter from my Greek penfriend. It made me cry...but in a nice way. Yes, I know he's (presumably) a murderer but he writes me kind, funny, intelligent letters and I know a great many people who aren't and they don't. They don't send me any kind, funny, intelligent anything at all. It makes me cry because I tried to do a good thing and benefit a stranger and he's turned out to be more thoughtful than people who would probably still say they were friends. I feel very fortunate in this.




The name of the prose

I forgot Torchwood last night! I'd paused a programme of stunning Dartmoor visuals and inspiring words by an ex Jain monk who walks and meditates there (that I'd happened upon accidently just after it started) to get some odds and ends out of the way and really give it my attention. And somehow the maverick world savers got forgotten... Never mind, the memory of that evening joy is my first recorded gratitude of this day.

I'm reading John Barrowman's autibiography at the moment which is quite droll. He's quite nifty with the foot notes! One of the funniest books I've ever read was Graham Norton's. I laughed until I cried on several occasions, til I almost choked onece or twice. I still chuckle at the memory of laughing at myself laughing...gratitude number two! Of course autobiographies make me cry sad tears too sometimes...stories of happy childhoods, acceptance, reciprocal love in all its forms.

We all have challenges to overcome but the challenge of repeated rejection and isolation is an ongoing toughie. Of course I understand many would read this and think 'Well, of course people don't want you around...you're too this, or that, or the other'...my own family, who only knew me for a small part of my life, could collaborate on a thick biography of my personality defects and general misdemeanours, I'm sure. But condemning or ostracising or even abusing those we don't like or approve of is easy...I'm talking about viewing them with love and compassion. I'm talking about keeping your own heart topped up with love and compassion when others don't want to share theirs or try to take yours away...when you feel they don't 'deserve' it. My third gratitude of the day is for my valiant, if not always successful, attempts to keep trying!

Before I go...may I ask you to please, if you're going to write comments on here to sign your name? Without the context of knowing who wrote them it's sometimes hard to know if they are meant well or not. What might seem like a put down from one person is just affectionate ribbing from someone else and however much I may wander from the point myself now and then the purpose of this blog is to generate and share warm feelings and gratitude. Help me keep up the good work please!

Thursday 11 August 2011

That's how elementary...

Actually its one...one...one...one...one...one...one...one...

Rachel and I had a good laugh the other day about a report in Science Now saying that trancendental meditation has been finally shown to have a massively beneficial effect on heart health...but that yoga and prayer may also be effective. It was the 'but' that cracked us up. Elementary my dear researchers! I chuckled again telling someone else today.

I also liked being lazy for a change despite the more recent report on physical exercise and surviving cancer. Scientists are just getting righter and righter as someone would say! Or it could be 'brighter and brighter'. You know the woman who did a lot of research into the release of oxytocin into the blood stream during warm interactions and physical contact (and its health benefits)? She's called Dr Kathleen C Light. I keep meaning to mention this. I love it! How could she not use her middle initial with a last name like that? There's a very readable article here about it http://newsinhealth.nih.gov/pdf/NIHNiH%20February07.pdf It's a few years old but I don't suppose the mechanisms have changed much. Of course again it's nothing we didn't know intuitively but intuition has to be 'proved correct' or it turns into a softly spoken white elephant. It's no good affectionally calling it mumbo-jumbo, it's still a large and unwieldy and frightens the lab rats terribly until they have 'proof' to protect them and then they feel safe again.

Oh and I heard an ice cream van. Haven't heard one of those since I lived in the city. Lovely jangly emotive sound...

One Two Three

My first thanks of the day goes to a scientist friend for emailing me about parallel universes and how there so many things we don't even realise we don't understand yet. He knows I'm partial to a little light quantum physics (no pun intended) but wasn't consciously aware that scientific/philosophical debate was the order of the day. Facts are slippery things to pin down (go back to quantum science if you doubt me) and words are even stranger. I am sometimes praised for using words eloquently but today's not the first time people have hinted eloquence does not make my trains of thought they find unacceptable more so. Didn't say they did, ner-ner-ner-ner-ner!...is that better? Ha, ha! Inappropriate humour is often frowned upon too... But humour has a positive effect on the immune system so when's that inappropriate exactly? When you're trying to kill someone? I give thanks for all the humours that I have...may they continue to contribute to my wellbeing even if sometimes they upset other people's sensibilities. Well sometimes maybe even a little because they do! You've all heard of Dr Patch Adams I presume? Get googling if not!

Some people have issues with certain words and imbue them with power. Some words must not spoken...some words must only be spoken in certain contexts...some words remind us of unhappy or awkward contexts. I give thanks for the knowing as many as I do as it helps me to express myself more clearly but the clarity only works if you think the words mean the same things. I like to learn new ones too. I like to make them up. They are just pixels on a screen or squiggles on paper but they create some interesting chemical effects in the body albeit variable ones according to the body. We call these emotions of course... Interesting things emotions. Um, am I being repetitive? Ha Ha!




Wednesday 10 August 2011

Recycled

My earlier chirpiness seemed to wash off in the shower and though I looked for some more outside, tried to eat some, knit some, find some in a pile of ironing and on TV, but levels remain critically low and boy do I become self critical when they do!

Anyway, I enjoyed watching the house martins swoop and dive in the botanical gardens. I also give thanks to Dave Lamb for always saying something that makes me snigger on Come Dine With Me and for a pretty sky this evening. Not exactly a sunset nor a neatly classifiable arrangement of clouds but pleasing all the same. Now I'm recycling some previous happinesses with a few pictures I took last week from our annual recycled scuplture exhibition.



They all have signs with some details of who made them and from what and why but I haven't recorded that info, I'm sorry...


I hope you like them anyway. There are some in other places but I think they look particularly good among the sea front flower beds.



The dangly bits of this one are made with recycled glass and tinkle in the breeze...






And this bottle top monster is one of my favourites.






I'll show you some more tomorrow but for now I need to get back to Dave lamb's puerile humour and an Activia Prune layer yoghurt. Mmmm! Small mercies that mean a lot to me...









Pond(ering) life

My silly Streak would not let me send the CC post I'd typed earlier so I had to get up and rewrite it on my laptop so now I'm wondering what else with my day while there's still quite a bit of it ahead! Note to self...do not spend hours on end considering possibilities on the internet, ha ha!!!

I'm trying to avoid any virtual site blasted by bigotry and smouldering with inflammatory remarks at the moment but I would like to express astonishment and delight at a BBC article about what makes people looters that covered pretty much all the answers I gave Rachel off the top of my head when she rather rashly asked me for my opinion yesterday (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14463452) I'd said then (as I'm an entrenched old bigot in my own way too) that she would hear a lot of phrases like 'scum of the earth' and 'immigrant spongers' bandied about and indeed she would, but the people who contributed to this article were a criminologist and a psychologist who, by nature of their professions, have to come up with some better definitions than that.

Detective Inspector Plod: So what sort of perpetrator would have committed these heinous crimes Professor Profile?

Professor Profile: Scum of the earth! Pond life!

Detective Inspector Plod:
Ahh, right...we'll round up all the newts and tadpoles then. Non-indigenous species is it sir?

Professor Profile:
Need you ask Inspector Plod? We fine upstanding Britsh creatures are only violent for noble reasons. War! Sport! Punishment!

I was also interested in mentions of the fact that the large groups looting in London were made up of members of (normally) rival gangs. Nothing anthropologically astonishing there but if it makes one person think differently that's got to be a grain of goodness lying in the shards of smashed glass.

Pondering on all this has made me want to be poking about in a rock pool. Oh the power of suggestion! I'll go and get a shower and see where that takes me ha ha!

Tuesday 9 August 2011

Holely satisfied

Mmmm. I feel lovely and acupunctured! Thank you to Rachel. Thank you also to Rachel for understanding so easily things I try so hard to explain to other people. Of course I still explain them to her just for the delight of hearing her say 'Yes, I know!!!' Ha ha!!! Someone might want to report me to the pun police I reckon though...

I'm grateful for not being too spaced out after to do my in town chores and for then finding a bit of relative peace in a patch of sun at the end of the promenade to enjoy the last of my Lovington's marmalade ice cream. Marmalade? Yes, honestly! I'd never heard of it too and it's absolutely delicious! The sea was flat and calm and clear. Quite a few people taking an early evening dip so I remembered what that felt like and that was quite enjoyable too.

I give thanks for finding a really interesting and readable article about the science behind the placebo effect...oh actually I've just found another! Of course there's no such thing because the pretend medicine cannot not make you better but 'scientists' are very interested in finding out what does...what's going on in your body and mind. Some of you might find them interesting...let me know and I'll send you links... Oh and Pat and Carol, I was going to message you both later but just in case I don't get round to it: Thank you for the invitation but it didn't sound really 'me' if you know what I mean. I do have a plan of my own in mind tho...will get back to you on that so let me know if you're interested (or any one else)as it's more 'my kind of thing' so I think I'd enjoy it more and hopefully some benefit will come out of it too for everyone involved.

Now to the really important questions in life...what to have for tea and what to watch on TV ha ha!

The appliance of science

Well, my neighbour had a 'sleepover' so not a helluva lot of sleep for me and I ended up staying awake til the small hours listening to/watching riot coverage on my Streak...and then being woken up again just five hours later and carrying on... (A Streak is the kind of thing you'd steal if you raided a phone shop!) I'd been a bit fired up and antagonistic myself and was aware how easy to get in that state and undesirable...no matter how desirable victory or destruction appears to be. I'm one of those people who usually tries to put themselves in other peoples' shoes so last night I was a shop keeper with no shop anymore, a frightened home owner hoping the mob will pass by, a young lad thinking he could break and take whatever he wanted, another who thought he would look like a wuss if he didn't, a policeman feeling helpless, an employee turning up for a job that wasn't there, a politician trying to think of ways to fix things and keep his and a news reporter trying to think of new things to say. Of course you don't really know how other people feel but I can't help it and it's actually quite an interesting exercise anyway. It is so easy to fall into the 'them' and 'us' traps. The best appliance of science is the BRAIN - try to use yours wisely and compassionately!

My 'science post' elsewhere was obviously deliberately written in a bit of a mind boggling way to make a point to people who think I am just a woolly headed old hippy... I could just have easily have said 'scientists across the world are making progress in uncovering the chemical processes involved in feeling better' but that might have sounded as if I merely hoped they were! And the obvious person to quote would have been Dr David Hamilton who trained as a scientist and worked in the pharmaceutical industry testing and trialling drugs including cancer drugs. He became so interested in the science of the placebo effect that he became a motivational lecturer and writer showing people how important other things as well from Western interventions are. He indirectly inspired this blog! But anything with the word inspiration in it is going to be frowned upon by people whose motivation is despair or fear! Know what I mean? The professional lectures I mentioned on the NIS site show how very heated debates these subjects can become, I suppose very akin to religious clashes as the various believers also believe that only they will be saved!

I really recommend his books anyway and they won't give you brain ache...They won't cure your cancer of course but they'll give you something to think about while you're waiting to die ha ha! It might even help you to find some ways to make you feel better while you're getting worse.

Today I'm giving thinks for my intelligence and compassion. Their limitations give me room for improvement and I give thanks for that too!

Finally for now a word for Debbie who patiently sends me good wishes while I waffle on. God bless her if you believe in him...let's all bless her anyway. This is one of the more creative appliances of science...sticking shells round a mirror ha ha!


I'll try to get a better one with a close up but that's to give you a general impression and maybe some more 'inspiration'!

Monday 8 August 2011

Views in brief

Well I've been well sidetracked from writing my blog today...first physically then psychologically. There's nothing like someone suggesting I'm talking bollocks to get me keen to use my brain to prove I'm not! But three hours have gone by and I haven't even had my tea!

Today I give thanks for the graceful seal point Siamese that crossed my path on the way to the station and to Heidi and Ivor for an enjoyable trip out. I loved the feeling of being in the tropics for a little with the steamy air and the glorious butterflies. The chrysalises were amazing...I think I could have watched them for hours! And I liked the glimpses of otters too...especially when they did those semi-circular leaps above the water in such quick succession they looked like mini Loch Ness monsters! I loved going to the burnt out church on the hill. What a spot! I could genuinely say I'd always wanted to go there as I 'always' had since I heard of the place all of two weeks ago. And I loved throwing science back! A non Buddhist urge for the last word even when the last word wasn't OM, I know. But OM is good for you...I know it is! I'm just waiting for the slow coach scientists to get the funding and catch up!

Sunday 7 August 2011

In my view...

Well Pat, I don't know if the mods will be marching on me but I fear a savaging from a sock puppet now...am almost scared to look! The last sentence will make little sense to many but a lot to a few!!!

I've been very achey today and it seems to be taking me forever to do anything...
Might have something to do with having a little dance last night you never know! But that's my first recorded gratitude for today although well over twenty four hours ago now...

And then there was the torrential storm just before sundown yesterday when the heavy grey clouds either dumped their rain or blew away and left a sort of angel wing effect around the last sliver of sun...I'm not sure how well this will show as per usual!
Meanwhile at the other side of my flat...compass opposite from the setting sun we had the best example of 'reflected sunset' I've ever seen (my term - I don't know what the correct one is for the pink clouds you get in the east when the sun goes down!) Check out the pink sea!

My third gratitude is for the delicious fruit salad I made from a handful of blackberries from Laura's garden, a ripe peach and some organic strawberries. Still from yesterday...good job there was so much to please after my last post as today's not been bursting at the seams with moments of joy.

This morning I was glad to read The Princess and the Spaceman again...one of my favourite stories ever...and this afternoon for getting to a shop and getting things that I had kidded myself I needed to just so as not to be splodged on the sofa for another day. And I was grateful not to get soaking wet as well! And passing a van with a house on top...a black and white mansion actually but model village size. Not something you see every day...unless you visit a model village every day...or live in one!!?? No, no, that last bit doesn't make sense - if you lived in a model village you'd not be big enougb to see the top of a van! Duh!

And lastly I'm extremely grateful that by the time I've logged out and packed up this and that it will be time to take my final antibiotic of the day and hopefully get a bit of kip before the first one in the morning!

The Princess and the Spaceman

It's story time again folks! Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin...

The Princess and the Spaceman

Once there was a princess who reigned in the kingdom of her father’s heart. Her hair was long and unnaturally blonde; her eyes, despite their laser treatment, a misty myopic blue. She was just seventeen and her name was Chardonnay.

Now this princess had yet to find a suitable suitor. Her hand had been asked for, and other parts of her body too, but her parents reminded her regularly to preserve the precious jewel of her chastity and she was discouraged from mixing with the commoner types of the town. Chardonnay had never met anyone she desired enough to defy their decrees…until the spaceman that is. His name was %!#@ (which conveniently in earth speech sounds just like Adam) and he arrived on a cold, clear winter’s evening. Many people were outside looking up at the sky at the time but although they saw the brilliant lights of his landing craft and heard the loud noises it made, not one of them thought it strange.

Adam had been sent to the edge of the frozen north but had been supplied with suitable cover to protect his new-made human skin and to blend in with the locals of his apparent age and class and gender. With layers of loose-fitting clothing and a loose-limbed stride he set off to see what life on earth would bring.

The spaceman joined the crowds now moving away from the field where they’d been congregated and spotted a group of young male humans looking similar to himself up ahead. ‘Excuse me,’ he said, and ‘I beg your pardon,’ as he pushed his way politely towards them. Most people ignored him but one or two turned round and looked at him as if he’d come from another planet. Soon he was shuffling along with his ostensible peers and joined them in entering a nearby hostelry. To begin with everyone thought he was with someone else but by the time all had imbibed a few glasses of chilled fizzy liquid to warm themselves up he seemed like a friend anyway.

The first thing the spaceman noticed about the princess was how small her garments were considering the inclement weather. He moved in closer to inspect her flesh in case it had some invisible insulating layer he ought to make notes about.

‘Oy!’ said Chardonnay’s protective older cousin Leila, pulling him back from the princess’s ample breasts.

Remembering about personal space Adam apologised, and he and the princess had time for a little chat before she had to go home to the castle. Despite the awkward start she liked this boy, she confided to Leila later, he was different somehow and his smile was out of this world.

The spaceman found a room in house with others studying the mysteries of human existence. He was supposed to report back to the mother ship each night while earthlings slept but his fellow scholars continued their own research into the early hours and he got quite behind with his work. On the plus side though, through the machinations of scheming Leila, the princess was able occasionally to spend an evening there.

The first time they were alone together Chardonnay was rather nervous. She tried to remember what her cousin had told her, but found concentration an effort. She closed her eyes for a while and her little pink tongue poked out between her lipsticked lips as if relieving the strain on her brain.

A magical thing happened while the spaceman watched the princess thinking - a bit of him began to grow! The growing part felt very good but he vaguely recalled there was something he could do to make it smaller again that would feel even better still. If only he had paid more attention in the pre-flight seminars!

‘I’m not quite sure what to do,’ Adam admitted, but before very long they managed to work it out together. After that they wanted to practise their new skills a lot and the princess told many fibs to the king and queen regarding her whereabouts throughout the weeks that followed.

Soon it was a special season on that part of the earth when everyone did much more shopping. One of the things Chardonnay bought was a pregnancy testing kit but with all the other shopping she had to do she didn’t get a chance to use it right away. And then she had to stay home with the rest of the royal family for a couple of days and do a lot of eating so she wasn’t able to see Adam. Before long after that, however, there were even more celebrations as the little planet had turned once more around its sun. It would be a good time to do the test and tell the spaceman, the princess thought - a new year, a new life, a new baby. She knew he’d be over the moon, and her parents too when they realised what a perfectly matched couple they were.

But tongues had been wagging in the town and rumours reached the queen that very evening that her daughter had not always been babysitting every time she said she had. Luckily for the princess, her mother was too busy putting on her festive regalia to find out all the details immediately but she communicated her views.

‘You will not see that boy!’ she screeched, and Chardonnay was made to stay home and really baby sit for her own little princely brother Dwayne on New Year’s Eve instead of meeting Adam.

There was nothing much on television so she flipped through the pages of a magazine until she came to a quiz entitled ‘How well do you know your man?’ Some of the questions were quite hard to answer and then there was adding up the score…

Absorbed in the challenge, Chardonnay forgot all about her thwarted plans and only realised it was midnight when the fireworks began outside. She looked out of the window making ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ noises. One rocket was different from the others coming up from behind the rooftops in a big ring of red coloured lights.

‘I haven’t seen one do that before,’ the princess thought, as she watched it rise up and up in the sky. ‘Now where did I put that kit thingy?’

Saturday 6 August 2011

Revisited

Here's a little test for you...do you remember me telling you about these things in previous posts? Well, whether you do or not here are the pictures that should have gone with the words if they'd been available at the time...



Left is the ship I found a few weeks back when I went looking for the one I could see peeping over the headland...And below is the one I meant to find further out in the bay.


The pictures are zoomed in as far as I can go so the ships are bigger than specks. The specks on the horizon are normal size yachts. That was one big ship I could see...well it was poking up over a headland!



And here is the view from where I walked to the end of the sea wall a couple of days later...a local landmark rock that's been known to raise a smile!

And the sunset I wrote about a few days ago. I tried a few settings but difficult to reproduce what I could see with my eyes through my kitchen window. If you're viewing on a laptop or phone try tipping the screen so the trees and hills are almost in silhouette then you'll get the intensity.

I'm grateful for revisiting these memories on a day when I feel less mindful of the here and now than usual...not fully engaged, or firing on all cylinders or whatever you'd like to call it. Not in a bad way...

I'm grateful for an email from my son Bob who seems to mixing in some upbeat circles these days (that's kind of a pun but don't worry if you don't get it...)

And I also give thanks for Mr and Mrs Cook for producing their son Quentin, also known as Norman amongst other things. Thank you for some tunes that always make me smile... And thank you too to my memory for reminding me of some friends a couple of years younger than me taking his Fatboy Slim incarnation name in vain (and my preference to some of his music over their favoured 'classic' rock) in a remark of the 'young whipper snapper' variety...and my response pointing out we were all pretty much peers.

Desired

It's been a muggy night here, mild and clammy and with the bugs mugging me and the meds mugging them! I would happily laze in bed all morning and half the afternoon but there are things I've arranged to happen that require me to be upwardly mobile. My first thanks of the day is for my tea last night - a homemade spinach and feta filo pie that defied all odds...such as not having made it before and having little energy or inspiration when the time came to do so, the pastry brush going awol, the feta being well past its best and the spinach frozen into intractable boulders... and turned out absolutely delicious! It was actually in the oven when I wrote my last post but I didn't want to mention it as I still wasn't sure if I might have to revert to plan B and have a boiled egg!

The filo packet says to use the sheets within a week once the packet is opened. No problem! Spinach and feta filo pie is one of my favourite things ever and as long as Mr Tesco brings me some more feta we're laughing. Baklavas and strudels are playing on my mind now, too...but right now spicy fruit porridge which needs stirring! I was just going to have a cuppa and some spicy fruit oatcakes in bed but discovered I'm out of the latter so shall have to make do with the real thing...

Friday 5 August 2011

Tired

With reference to that GP I mentioned yesterday...it's unusual for anyone to speak highly of his skills though he has a kindly 'bedside' manner. Thus I was rather pleased that I was happy with him for a change and then common sense kicked in today and I realised the reason he's happy for his patients to participate in their care is that it takes the onus of decision making off him! Heaven knows what he did with that prescription...certainly not anything he was supposed to do, or said he would do, but I finally got my hands on it this afternoon. By then the sun had gone in which I felt a bit sad about at first but actually, as I was beginning to feel like someone in need of some medication and rest it was no bad thing not to feel lured to loiter! So I'm grateful for the just the right weather again! I caught up with some mundane but necessary shopping chores and came home for some catch up TV and some catch up blanket making. No pics to show you as it's mostly in a heap on the floor and I'll be mostly in a heap on the sofa after finishing this post.

I'm grateful for finding a Come Dine With Me and a CSI I've not seen before so I've plenty of horizontal entertainment and I'm sincerely thankful that I completed some more of the sort out and spruce up before declaring myself too feeble to care any more. Everything looks much nicer to relax in now! I haven't been numbering my gratitudes the last few days but I'm sure I'm been managing at least five...it feels like it anyway and that's the main thing!

Wired

Well here I am feeling fairly bouncy again today...very odd! I've got to go and pick up some more antibiotics this morning so it's not even as if for once I'm infection free. Maybe it's that Reiki...who knows?

I wrote that about an hour ago...it's been a bit of a round and round in circles hour and am getting that cooped up feeling as I wanted to be out of the house by now. One of the things I want to do is get the latest edition of the Human Writes newsletter off to my penfriend in Florida state prison so cooped up is relative of course...and of the things that delayed me was a problem getting the latest pictures from my camera on to my laptop...but while I was trying to process those with one hand whilst making phone calls about other matters with the other, this image caught my eye (again). It's part of a shop window display of course...but I'm not the kind of woman usually much drawn to the merchandise part of a shop window and as I was pacing up and down at the time waiting somewhere I didn't want to be for a bus to somewhere I did and I thought these birds on a wire, and the fact I couldn't get a clear shot of them, poignant on many levels...

I'm grateful for remembering Leonard Cohen's Bird on a Wire. I'm grateful that I have tried on my own way to be free (you don't have to know the lyrics of the song to appreciate that one but it might help to understand why it appeared just here!) I also give thanks for my camera and laptop...and microwave to heat up my redbush tea when things delay me from drinking it. And I'm particularly grateful that I just heard the sound of an engine worth jumping up for and caught sight of a Hercules gently banking across the bay!
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