Saturday, 3 December 2016

Even better things

I'm grateful my little almost Christmassy cakes were good, and what was even better was that I worked out how to make them even better next time.

I'm grateful I've been feeling so much stronger physically, able to move around more easily and in less pain...but by 'eck I'd better remember I'm still not over the sciatica or it will remind me most ferociously as it did yesterday evening and at intervals during the night and today. I'm still grateful I'm better than I was a couple of months or even weeks ago of course, but I'll be even more grateful when I'm even better still.

I'm grateful braved the aches to go out for a few essentials. I still need a lift down the hill as well as back but I give thanks for the first few almost sprightly yards when I always think 'Hey, look! Almost normal again!' before everything seizes up once more and I have to head for the nearest seat. I'm grateful I took a seat in a cafe today as there was a cold old wind out there. And I was grateful for receiving a message when I logged into the WiFi there as, despite all the friendly interactions about the place, sometimes it's nice to think someone who actually knows you is saying hello.

I'm grateful for as much horizontalness as my spirit can stand this afternoon...and for the variety of sedentary options I have so I can kid myself I'm changing occupation now and then when really it's just a handful of different sorts of nothing much at all. I'm grateful I'm a very patient patient...and I have faith one day, when I'm even better, I might get to get some better things going on again.

Friday, 2 December 2016

Sugar and spice

I give thanks for a pretty good sleep - again! For the dawn colours in the sky visible from my pillow with a twitch of the curtain...and thus sometimes for my rather small bedroom too! For another quiet day - no shouting and stamping and banging of doors, or even just excessively audible normal living for several sweetly pleasing hours.

For feeling up to more physical sorting out of the encroaching entropy about the place, and coming across a rich seam of warm scarves I thought I'd have to mine much deeper for in the cupboard under the stairs... For the food I made yesterday evening for today being edible despite some spicy distractions during the seasoning process so that it wasn't really anything you'd call curry but had a faintly warming aftertaste. For embarking on this evening's culinary experiment - a boiled fruit cake, the like of which I haven't made since I was told to cut out most fruit. It's somewhat improvisational (as most of my cooking is) so we'll have to wait and see what it actually tastes like.. but in the meantime I'm grateful for being willing and able to wield ingredients and equipment just for fun.

For some work on the computer for the sitting downy admin and learning new tricks with my new software. For Missing and Modus...the beeb do offer some damn good drama sometimes! For finding this article that rather worryingly reveals how far we haven't come...

For a delivery I thought I shouldn't have had but was actually quite grateful to receive... For an offer I've had for a rather alternative pre-Christmas outing. It's certainly not something I'd have picked myself but there's still a few weeks of the year of living differently so just keep bringing it on Universe I say!

Thursday, 1 December 2016

Presents of mind

I give thanks to Liz for my animated advent calendar...a bit of twinkle in the darkness of December.

I give thanks for going to bed early and falling asleep with the light on and a book in my hand...and then sleeping properly in the dark until the early hours when some non-physical pain required my attention. I give thanks for tea and biscuits and tears and sympathy and encouragement. For loving and understanding respecting myself so much. It's a tough job, but you know what they say about tough jobs!  I give thanks for falling asleep with my book again (sometimes it's just nice to have something to hold on to!) and waking late to watch the sun turn the grey fog pale gold and finally melt it...

For a woman who loves too much, and loves to give and to share but is aware how peripheral she is in other people's lives, steering a safe passage through the seasonal etiquettes and emotions is, as is everything, a matter of a bright smile and lots of blinking, and gratitude, gritted teeth and looking the other way. So, though I regret the impact on the environment, I thus give thanks for finding some pretty not particularly Christmassy cards to send to the small group of people who might appreciate receiving one from me, and that they're large enough to slip a token gift inside for those I particularly appreciate but for whom a grander gesture might be an unwelcome embarrassment.

I give thanks for cabbing to town and back again, to visit some essential places - the cobbler's, the chemist, the Post Office, the health food shop, the doctor's and the sea! That walking about really is getting easier...though slopes and stairs are still hard, and sitting down for a minute or two between each group of steps, level or otherwise, is important to keep down the pain. Today was the first time I've made it to the seafront, and whenever I've been incarcerated and with a sentence hanging over me that's always a big moment of gratitude for my astonishing resilience and strength, and wisdom in giving myself the gift of living somewhere so good for me. Opening the letter from the renal team sitting there in the sunshine and reading yes, I am getting a little better again and my suggestions are being followed for how to proceed now the improvement I predicted has occurred , was like a great big bow on it!  Didn't take my camera (still trying to keep the carrying weight to a minimum) but my phone can show I was there!

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Peace of my mind

I give thanks it was so quiet here last night I forgot to put my earplugs in...and forgot I hadn't so that when I woke in the night and heard the heater on frost control click on I was surprised how noisy it was.

I give thanks for porridge made with rice milk and dried cranberries, fairly kidney friendly and warming and filling on a cold day.

I give thanks for a morning busy with this and that, aware and appreciative of greater mobility and lower pain levels...but also aware and appreciative of the need to be gentle with back and my left hand side.

I give thanks some work is being done to the communal door here so that both the pharmacy and grocery deliveries could be brought straight up to my flat door. There's several causes for gratitude in that sentence!

I give thanks for noticing an unusual feeling of peaceful contentment ...suddenly realising it was still quiet upstairs (these two are inextricably linked) and perhaps a postprandial loll with some craftwork the sofa might be in order...maybe watch something on TV without the volume higher than I like it or heavy headphones on. Obviously I rarely watch anything live, especially on a weekday afternoon out of Wimbledon season, but I scrolled through the channels anyway, recognising a programme along the way but not the episode which as (as far as I knew) I'd seen every one in existence was a bit of a puzzle. It's set in a fictionalised south west county I'll call Heaven, with filming that does its beauty justice and lots of glimpses of familiar places (plus ones that make you go 'Ooh, I want to go there!' ...but as well as the lushly visible scenery there's remarkably little visible acting if you know what I mean, and some chuckles along the way. So finding a whole new series had started just added to the feelgood factor of the day...

I give thanks for reading in my horoscope that tomorrow will be good for being valued for true worth, money and business, adventure, romance, boldly asserting needs and losing inhibitions! If I get an unrealistically good one I usually say some other better positioned Aquarian can have it...this time I reckon I'll compromise and share ;-) Asserting already, see!

Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Salt and lime

I give thanks for swapping the great ideas for new life directions Rachel and I have had in the last couple of weeks. For her responding to my request to bring a phone charge lead...I get through them like nobody's business! For the simple delight that is Tesco finest butter mash with Quorn Cumberland sausages and veggies on the side. For a treatment that hit all the right spots, including the lala button...a dreamy night and a long lie in...

For some salty morning chat with our man in Jericoacoara. For a pause in the sunshine by our chilly waves before getting my curls trimmed this afternoon. For Maddie's exuberance at her upcoming trip and for there being one last raspberry and echinacea teabag for me!

For walking a little more and hurting a little less. For living somewhere where a potter around a few shops and businesses can be such a heart warming experience. For visiting our revived, no longer Greek run deli and picking up some still available Greek delicacies such as honey drenched baklava and the famous garlic cabbage. No, I wasn't convinced by the idea of garlic cabbage either but it's raved about so much on their Facebook page I had to give it a go...and now I am!

For the lime light on the mimosa buds late in the day...and for a recent dream about polishing my camera lens and starting taking photos again which I thought might be allegorical...but maybe is not.

For the subtly changing pastel colours in the sky after sunset. Exquisite. For several quiet neighbourly hours to enjoy myself without the rumbling grumbling mardiness of others in the background...

Monday, 28 November 2016

Knot and natter

I give thanks for a much better night's sleep than I've had for a while. I've yet to find a way of wearing those Actipatches comfortably in bed but applied as much other science as I could - lavender oil to breathe in, arnica and MSM cream to rub on, chamomile tea, paracetamol, and a warm bath not reading a book or looking at my phone. Whether any of it made any difference or it was just luck or exhaustion who knows...

I give thanks for discovering when I changed the dressing that my wound had officially become a scar...a little scabby still in places but all joined up at last!

I give thanks for getting up and on with Plan A today, though stupidly sore despite all that respite and rest last night. For thoughtful chauffeuring from Jenny to Knit and Natter, and catching up with a few of my other chums there. For seeing the decorations and donations other people had made, and for the lush biscuits I bought to share being very gratefully received...including by me!

I give thanks for time between arriving home and finishing sorting dinner to lie in some of the strange positions that unknot my pinched nerves a bit. I give thanks that Rachel's coming to try and treat my ills and distract me with chatter this evening.

Sunday, 27 November 2016

Blind leading the lame

There were a few times yesterday I was grateful how my mobility is improving...and that though it's still not comfortable the pain is manageable. This was before evening when the pain started running riot again. I give thanks for catnapping between its roaring in the night...for the usual solitary distractions and the warmth from my electric blanket to soothe the sore bits a bit...and for eventually getting a handful of hours from early morning.

I give thanks I could see the stunning sunrise I missed because people who didn't posted pictures and videos on line. And for eventually feeling fit enough to get out of bed for the last grand prix of the season.

I give thanks for delicious pea and spinach soup for my lunch. Didn't like the sound of it much to be honest but you should always put a gift soup in your mouth!

I give thanks for tackling my broken kitchen blind before darkness, not least because it cuts out some of the cold. Many trips up the ladder to investigate were required... and down again to reposition said ladder and some large potted palms in the way...and luckily for my poor left leg, a fair amount of cogitation in between, as I could see the unfixed side could be easily fixed if the whole thing were taken down but no amount of cogitation could come up with a way to do that (and put it back!) on my own. I give thanks for my good friends resilience and resourcefulness... and in advance for my memory si I don't forget to treat it gently now I've cobbled a mend together... and to ask someone capable to do it better next time someone capable is here and amenable to amelioration...

I give thanks that after restoring order, hobbling through the cooking and washing up and preparation for tomorrow, I was able to join my apparently slumbering neighbours and catch up with a few zzzzs as well.