Tuesday, 25 October 2016

Linger on the pulse

I give thanks for last nights's curry medley including red lentil and veg something or other produced by me. I give thanks for eating it with Rachel, not just because she served it all up and washed up and dried up and put everything away, but because it's always a treat to eat with someone else who can wax lyrical over a legume!

I give thanks for her surprise when taking my pulses. There are way more ways to take them in Traditional Chinese Medicine than the modern Western sort, and the last time anyone in the latter discipline tested anything they were still muttering darkly over the results, but I've felt that things have been changing a lot in the last week or two and it's so good that someone agrees.

I give thanks that I had a little night reading to see me through some dark hours of pain later on. And for electricity, a bedside light, and no sleeping partner to disturb!

I give thanks for feeling remarkably human for a remarkable amount of today. There've been times when I've moved about not exactly normally, but like someone with a bit of a bad back not someone who can hardly move at all. And I've felt a little more able to do things and deal with things too, though I've still made myself do as little as possible as much as I can, as still seems the right thing to do. I give thanks my holes are healing so well now I actually phoned to cancel a nurse's visit instead of calling to beg one to come.

I give thanks for not winning a coat I had my eye on on eBay because I would have had to go over what I was willing to spend on something I'd not even seen. And for wondering whether to bid for another one today but not wanting to get caught up in escalating prices ...and then in the last ninety mins the vendor changed it to 'buy it now' at the original starting price which seemed a far better gamble so I did!

I give thanks for remembering there's a whole serving of last night's tea just waiting to be heated up for this evening's...

Monday, 24 October 2016

Gently does it

I sleep in fits and starts at night at the moment and I'm used to waking up for the umpteenth time to half light and wondering whether I might drop off for another hour or two. I give thanks there was nothing pressing to get up for today as the half light I woke to turned out to be darkness from low cloud and rain and the morning well on its way! I give thanks for the rumbling thunder.

I give thanks for doing a surprising amount of things eventually and gradually including getting up and dressed, washing my hair, cooking, washing up and having a bit of a superficial tidy. It's so easy to take these kinds of things for granted when they're easy but when they're not you realise what astonishingly complex and arduous tasks they are.

I give thanks that I have assembled some dishes for tea and that Rachel will come later and help me heat and serve them and serve me up a much needed acupuncture treatment after. I give thanks for roughly making my bed and gently lying on it til then.

Sunday, 23 October 2016

Subjects of desire

I give thanks for contentedly giving in to my most constant cravings over the last couple of days - for frequent meals and naps. It feels very healthy to be so hungry, and very healing to catch up on some long overdue sleep. I give thanks though the pain is still evil at times, at times when it is easier I can hobble about making hasty tasty food and clearing up after a fashion (though not necessarily straight after the eating!)

I give thanks for managing to lower my domestic standards to within the range and duration of movement I can achieve...which after the cooking and washing up and doing minimal laundry isn't a lot at all. I give thanks for a brisk breeze blowing through a barely open window and drying some clean clothes on the rack.

I give being relaxed enough to get into reading a novel which hasn't happened for a while, and for having some put by to ready to read. I give thanks for a random convoluted sequence of clicks bringing me to a link to these great little explorations of stuff. No, I'm not being vague...they are about stuff!

I really like listening to the radio but like the TV I don't like a lot of what they put on, so I give thanks for thinking I should get into internet catch up for that as well, though whether I will of course is entirely a different matter... In the meantime, further signs of my recovery include a little light internet shopping. After a bit of pre-hospital rummaging I imagined I'd dug out enough cosy layers to see me through recuperation and the autumning of the days, but just in case I can't get to the place at the back of the cupboard under the stairs where the warmest garments are - or those places called shops -  before temperatures plummet no harm in picking up a few eBay bargains is there?

Saturday, 22 October 2016

Lazy mixed up kid

I give thanks for last night's (con)fusion supper of Tesco 'Mediterranean' veg and grains topped with a fried egg. Clearly not any part of the Mediterranean where I've eaten local food before but passable pleasant and pleasingly quick from conception to clean plate. Then fancying a bit of something sweet for afters I had half a Peshwari naan, shaking my head at the assertion of the narrator in a series of documentaries on Indie music that liking this or that was an either or. I guess I'm not an either or person, I'm an either or both is fine! I did, and still do, enjoy Dire Straits and Jesus and Mary Chain, Cocteau Twins and Ramones, 2 Tone and two violins soaring in harmony. I give thanks I'm independent of a tribe, have funnel hearing instead of tunnel vision and quite like a little bit of Marmite once in a very long while!

I give though the sciatica is still extremely painful a lot of the time, it's not excruciatingly painful nearly as much...which might seem to be a small change but which is huge when you're feeling it. I give thanks my abdominal abominations have been less heart wrenching and stomach churning which means less bodily organs in distress...including my brain!

And I give thanks for thus, one month after surgery, finally being able to have a properly lazy day as everyone could do with now and then but a convalescent person most of all. I give thanks spending my time doing only what is most essential or irresistible - drifting and dozing, reading and internet window shopping, snacking and cracking crosswords on my phone.

Friday, 21 October 2016

Seems reasonable

I give thanks I've only really done three things today. As they were washing my hair, having a bath and going out for tea and a scone with Mima that was quite enough excitement and energy expenditure! It's such a relief to feel normal enough to do some normal stuff, and such a treat to feel well enough for a treat again, though I'm still very sore and feeble, and if I hadn't felt so rough for the last few weeks I'd probably think I do now...

I give thanks for the gorgeous golden autumn day, the blue sky and sea and the pretty changing colours of the leaves. For lots of minimal cook food from Tesco yesterday so I've not had to wear myself out hopping and chopping, including a lush spinach and ricotta pizza.

I give thanks to Mima for her company, kindly chauffeuring, and standing in the very slow moving Post Office queue for me to see if there was some post! I give thanks that there was, and for some of it being nice stuff like new second hand books I ordered and a new second hand (obviously!) merino cardi I put on to try on when I opened the parcel hours ago and have only just realised I've not actually bothered to view in the mirror because it feels so soft and cuddly who cares what it looks like anyway! I also give thanks for a message and card from a lovely elderly couple I met in hospital, and felt moved to send one to when I came out. Both of them wrote in it and seem to have been as touched as I was. Sometimes it feels as if we meet people for a reason doesn't it?

Thursday, 20 October 2016

Small mercies

I give thanks the sciatica is a little less dreadful a lot of the time, and for some of it I feel a bit more like me. When I told Laura she said I was looking better than she's seen me recently too which is encouraging...

I give thanks the unplanned windows in my tummy seem to be starting to close, and that despite the best efforts of the GP's pharmacist and the chemist's supplier to deprive me of essential accoutrements for my planned aperture, a mercy mission from a nurse along the coast has seen me stocked up again for a few days. Actually it was two mercy missions as the first one happened in the morning when I was fast asleep, having been told it would take place in the afternoon! I had imagined, quite reasonably I think, my recuperation would consist of dossing around and dozing with a remote control and a crochet hook to hand, when in fact due to all the complications, and complicated co-ordination and administration of all the agencies and individuals to untangle them, plus the almost endless pain, I've had far less rest and relaxation than I normally do. I give thanks I'm optimistic maybe a little more healing rest could be on its way.

I give thanks for a helpful and cheery Tesco driver and for pre-arranging for Laura to be here for the delivery slot to let him in and help with the unpacking...as the second mercy mission happened in the middle of that and I had to go and display my cares to the nurse instead... I give thanks she too had had sciatica so I've added to my stock of hints and tips for things to try that have worked for other sufferers, though all of them will have to wait until other parts are up to more vigorous movement.

I give thanks for having inclination and just enough spare energy to crochet one small sparkly flower for a garland for the library decorations promised weeks ago but mercifully not needed for a few weeks yet...and for a smoked haddock fishcake cooking for my tea.

Wednesday, 19 October 2016

You say it best

I give thanks for a better night's sleep than I've had for a couple of weeks, almost comfortable and no untoward mishaps. I woke up a few times, and the last time would happily have dozed off for some more but I had to get on with my busy day.

I give thanks for a scenic drive through rolling hillsides thick with autumnal trees under a blue cloud dotted afternoon sky; for a return journey via a different route with a stunning water colour sunset all around. Yesterday's evening sky was pretty but this was exceptionally so, and all the better for being seated high up in a picture window ambulance! I give thanks during the long wait in between being seen and being picked up, when I was not allowed to go to the hospital restaurant as planned and treat myself to nice things to eat (in case they couldn't find me!) I managed to be quietly unprotestingly polite and understanding about it and thus got made two mugs of fresh made tea in the waiting room and be wheeled to the Boots shop by a sciatica surviving volunteer to buy carrot cake and flapjacks. I give thanks for remaining stoic when the staff on duty insisted on putting on easy listening compilation CDs from the last half century or so to make the afternoon more pleasant for them. Oh well, gave me a blog post title...

I give thanks for being patient with the surgeon too, when he looked at my wound and said all things considered he was pretty pleased with it as renal failure was the second worse thing after smoking for hindering the healing process. Quite why no one involved, before or after my operation, had thought to mention this before goodness only knows... I give thanks for overhearing parts of his muttered recap of my medical history with the nurse in the room next door before coming to examine me. I tried to turn my ears off but one phrase repeated two or three times was quite emphasised. 'But, she's still here...she's still here!' Too bloody right mate, I am, and I shed a quiet tear in the dusk on the way back appreciating all the beauty around me and remembering that.

I give thanks for suffering no platitudes in my suffering the last few weeks. There've been people I've been surprised have sent no kind words of encouragement, but they know I know there's not a lot that they could say...so I give thanks they've not said pointless things instead. I give thanks you can react to a Facebook status without having to put anything into words at all! I give thanks for the people who've surprised me by carrying right on saying things even though I've not had my usual chirpiness to respond with. They know who they are, and how grateful I am I hope, so I'll save any embarrassment by saying it on here...