Monday, 29 August 2016

Not so silly

I give thanks for sleeping moderately well considering how poorly one does when one has to get up very early... Also for some delightful not quite sleep dreamlike meditative 
For dolphins leaping over the boat wake and shanty singers welcoming us as we disembarked...and barked again. 

A pair of ducks swimming in a cove and coming ashore to paddle on the sand. For a quick paddle myself. 

For little girls pretty in pink hurdling over the mooring ropes on the sand.
For an utterly brilliant reggae funk band playing live on a stage with a home made cake stall and grass to sit on in front of it in the sun and get the festival feeling.

For a slice of sophisticated deli quiche for lunch that I wasn't sure I'd like - salmon, goat's cheese and spring onion - but which went down a treat.

For more dolphins on the smooth crossing home and Gary actually getting to see some too

A pair of swans gliding in the pearlescent sea and sky scape as we ate delicious fish and chips found after my auspicious accosting of a local couple who were on their way to the very place to find them.

For being able to write and upload this en route as there's still a long way to go.

Sunday, 28 August 2016

Bouquet of barbed

Well, as you know, I go through my day gathering bits of grateful... Sometimes it seems as if a theme or connection emerges and today, though grateful thoughts have been very sparse, the theme has been that I've not feeling truly thankful even when I've managed any at all. Every time I've remembered I've not had a grateful thought for some time and have tried to construct one there's been a thorn in any rosiness I've come up with...some buts... and some big buts sometimes.

I'm grateful I've tried to compose with some brittle wit or inspiring insight regarding, but I've failed to do so. I'm grateful I've decided not to go through a rote list of stuff I should be grateful for, we should all be grateful for - our first world taken for granted luxuries - because I am...but saying it is still not quite feeling it.

I'm grateful for the awareness of fluctuating perceptions of stuff and situations. For the awareness that even the stuff we unswervingly think is unmitigatedly grim sometimes just has to be borne...sometimes all the time.

I'm grateful for the sound of bands playing on the back beach wafting up on the wind and reminding me of how it feels to feel you're having a good time. I'm grateful for playing a couple of Norman Cook tracks much too loud to remind people I think are much too loud much too much of the time not to forget how quiet I am. Not big or clever...but I do like a bit of Norman Cook so a bit kind to me.

I'm grateful for the relief of darkness falling, a hard day of the heart and mind drawing to a close. I'm grateful I can legitimately head off for a bath and bed very shortly as I've a very early start in the morning and whatever else tomorrow brings it sure as heck won't be like today!

Saturday, 27 August 2016


I give thanks for delving into the heart of darkness behind and between my cooker and the kitchen cupboards, and other murky crannies. Not really ideal tasks for a pre-op parastomal hernia patient...but they won't be ideal occupations during recovery either and I'd die of shame if I died under the surgeon's knife and there was muck and clutter lurking everywhere...well, if I hadn't died already of course!

These tasks, and associated domestic enhancement processes have taken up much of my day today, and as Bank Holiday weekends can seem interminably long and isolated I rather give thanks for that... plus realising it doesn't matter if I can't sell up and move on, there might money to be made here doing guided tours of life as it used to be lived...and is still lived by me, including plug in heaters and pull out kitchen appliances!

I give thanks for having some energy to rub and scrub and that I do love not only to see stuff looking clean and tidy, but also knowing stuff I can't see is that way too.

I give thanks for the cheery sound of pigs snuffling and rooting in the garden of the ground floor flat here...there used to be guinea pigs squeaking down there which I also enjoyed but these are the full on porky sort, and it's strange to look out and see not just cats and dogs and rabbits exercising in the private patches but full grown livestock too. On the whole I think the plot is too small and the situation utterly unsuitable but no one else seems to be batting an eyelid so, unless it's an outdoor elephant in the room situation, maybe it's perfectly normal nowadays like dishwashers and cars and central heating? Oh well, they can be another feature for the museum visitors...

Friday, 26 August 2016

That's the way

Nothing ventured, nothing I give thanks for nothing too unmanageable pain wise this morning and thus venturing forth to gain some more. I give thanks for a scenic bus ride to take away a tea and flapjack down the bay a way. Any road journey is a creep of faith in the South West this time of year, and any bus journey requires great fortitude with all my wayward variables so I give thanks for no undue delay or dismay occurring.

Still not in the best of moods, I give thanks for overheard conversations reminding me there are worse things than only having yourself to talk to...for the rich blues and greens of the coastline on a sunny summer's day; for flecks of brightness in the dark of the leafy woods, and brushstroke wakes of jet skis and power boats on the water.

I give thanks to Facebook for reminding me (and Liz!) of skies that caught our eyes today last year; to Bob and Jan for checking in and breaking up the social silence; to Colin for taking time to check my chuckle button still works, and that it just keeps defaulting back to 'off' again.

I give thanks that neighbours have been out in the day and curiously quiet in the evenings just lately allowing me to watch TV in peace. Not that watching TV in peace is something I aspire to, but it's something to do when I can't do the things I do. I give thanks for remembering all things will change...even neighbours being curiously quiet.

Thursday, 25 August 2016

The prettiest thistles

It's a nasty old attack of the darkness I'm having at the moment...I give thanks for coming across this article about the role of the immune system and inflammation in depression. The fluctuating state of my body and mind would a fine case study for someone I'm sure, but living it is a tad challenging at times

I give thanks for finding a link to the theme music of Magnifica 7o which I find rather cheerng though they could be singing about doing an oil change on a Volkswagon Beetle for all I know...

I give thanks for getting myself a new nightie from ebay to cheer up my hospital stay, and that I liked it so much when it arrived I've just ordered another the same. Finding 'sleepwear' that doesn't look as if it belongs in a brothel, a nursery or an old peoples' home is always a challenge, especially when you're going to be wearing it all day in a public place where privacy and pride are already in short supply. I give thanks for remembering an elderly lady who arrived on a ward I was on one time wearing hospital issue kit. The nurses were suggesting maybe someone could bring her an alternative garment from home or the shop but she was insisting she didn't wear nighties 'Is it pajamas you prefer dear? Do you like to sleep in pajamas?' they asked, several times, rather loudly (she was a little hard of hearing) 'Oh no!' She boomed back, sounding quite horrified, 'Nude!'

For this article reminding me why I wanted to be a social anthropologist - heavens, humans are strange creatures indeed...

For those lemons I bought yesterday having the most delicious flavour I ever remember a lemon having...and for being able to satisfy to a sudden desperate urge for cake while watching GBBO with a warm buttered cherry scone, greatly baked by Tesco's... For these pretty prickly things which caught my eye on the sea front the other day and reminded me of the Hazards of Love

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Past caring

Last night I gave thanks for steering a path to the land of nod between mountains of painful body parts and ravines of painful thoughts...and similarly to some semblance of useful wakefulness for at least some part of today.

I give thanks Waitrose think unwaxed lemons are essential as I do too...for the helpful assistant who ceased arranging veg and found some ordinary tea bags for me and the man behind me in the queue who didn't fancy the Duchy blend they had on offer either...even though it was free. I give thanks that when I spilt said tea it was on clothing that won't show the stain if it does so. For the crisp crunchiness of Dove Farm's exquisite digestive biscuits, bought at the health food shop but opened before I got home to have with it on the sea front. I give thanks for being such an unappealing companion, with spilling shopping and splashing tea and crumbling packet of biscuits, I got a seaside seat all to myself. 

I give thanks for having a quick natter with one of the friendly cab drivers on the way home. I resent having to pay extra for being in pain but less so if I feel I've had a few minutes communication as well. And talking of communication...round about this time of evening a year ago today, I received a message whilst 'internet waiting' that I first thought must have been sent in error since the person who sent it was so unlike anyone else I usually heard from. I give thanks when he reads that he will smile...

I give thanks for Magnifica 70 - sex and thugs and split screen caravanettes.

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

Odd one out

I give thanks for less pain the last couple of days so I've been able to get out more...though I'm moving very slowly and it swiftly catches up. I give thanks for fine weather so pausing here and there while it passes can be pleasant, apart from the usual odd one out feeling of being an odd one out among the couples, families and groups of friends.

I give thanks my hair is long enough and curly enough to twist into a topknot that stays even if I forget a scrunchie to hold it. I give thanks for the glittery water and the sea mist along the foot of the headlands. For the soft fronds of tamarisk of which I'm very fond...For a light, not too sweet lemon and poppy seed muffin on the back beach...and for the sweet unthinking of sleeping.