Only you

I've read the brain book, I understand deep in your heart of hearts you think I must be doing my life wrong or it would have turned out better - more like yours maybe! Trust me, I regularly check and try to improve my performance in all manner of ways, but I do sometimes wonder myself if maybe I do just deserve to struggle and fail! When you feel like that you need some top class nurturing to stand up and fight another day. So, as of course there's only me to provide that, I give thanks for spending the evening with my vacuum cleaner, duster and washing machine making myself feel looked after. For putting clean sheets on the bed and the electric blanket on to warm them up and writing a rambling rant to my estate agent while it did so as she is, as far as I can see, the only other person who actually cares if the sale goes through. For Redbush tea and rather more digestive biscuits than I realised there were left in the packet for supper when I'd worn myself out.

I give thanks for sleeping better, and though waking up not surprisingly very stiff and sore and utterly unmotivated, more rational about matters. Conveyancingwise it seems news of my imminent departure has been greatly exaggerated. Everybody is suddenly remembering lots of things that haven't been done, or need to be done again preferably yesterday and, as is human nature, are now very busy blaming someone else for the muddle. I give thanks for understanding I'm an easy target to attach the buck to. It's my solicitor (or my buyer's solicitor) or my landlord, mortgage company, flat, you-name-it that's at fault and therefore I should be running round like a headless chicken printing things and posting things and phoning people to try to alleviate their mistakes. Today I feel more like a kidneyless person than a headless chicken though, desperately in need of some cosy rest and really not up to the fray, so I give thanks for refusing to budge from the building and, after answering a barrage of emails earlier in the day, allowing myself to fall asleep on the sofa. For waking myself up snoring which always makes me laugh unlike when other people do it! 

I give thanks for yummy leftover curry so I didn't have to cook and for Jenny bringing me some more boxes just in case and agreeing trying to stay well is even more important than trying to get a move on.

I give thanks for my receiving news of my Reddit Secret Santa recipient. I love giving presents and one of the saddest things about not being much loved is you don't have nearly enough opportunities! I give thanks for an email for Kostas, very happy to be in the middle of a series of visits from his sister who has flown over from Greece to spend as much time with him as she can. The local governor who scraped in in the last elections has implied he'd like to send the remaining Death Row inmates off to meet their maker asap so it may be their last chance. He tells me he has made me a gift out of paper and 'odds and ends from about the place' that she's taking home with her to send to me! The mind boggles but I'm so touched...