Behind closed doors

I give thanks for the screen I put in front on the door in the evening. There were people who maybe didn't get my need for a psychological barrier, so how about a physical one? Late this morning, when I was finally fast asleep after another difficult night, my landlord knocked on the door...and when I didn't answer it (hoping he'd go away) he opened it instead while I'm lying in bed on the other side of it attached to my nightly needs, and it gave me a few moments to sort myself out. He needed to empty the meter and he'd sent me an email to explain but of course I hadn't read it. I give thanks most of us of in this country don't live like this... How fortunate we are eh? And when not long after another resident's child was having a tantrum on my doorstep I remembered to give thanks I only have myself to look after here, not a family.

I've been trying to think of ways to improve my mindset at this difficult time so I give thanks for putting on one of my favourite dresses today, even though I was doing nothing special. For thinking of treating myself to something naughty but nice for lunch to avoid the horrors of the kitchen...but the chippy was doing a roaring trade with all the visitors and had no special deals, and when I went on a bus to a place with a tapas bar I found it had closed down. I give thanks for raiding the Co op and Waitrose on the way home and finding some tempting dishes. For all the excited people filling their trolleys for parties and celebrations.

I give thanks for looking in a major national flooring store to check if shopping local as I planned to was wise, and finding their carpets were all wrong! For a well stocked and friendly veg stall in the market and for amazing daisies which flower all year round for free!

Night and day

I give thanks when you scream in a dream it can be hard to make a sound. I've been plagued with nightmares recently and it's bad enough them disturbing me without waking everyone else in the building. I give thanks for my earplugs to soften the sounds that bug me - the TV above my head, the squawking kids and yapping dogs, slamming doors and footballs on the carpark, footsteps on the stairs.

I give thanks for Mima offering to do more washing, and for getting a lift down the hill when she came to collect it. Despite my sore joints, I'd thought a stroll might do me good but the promenade and seawall were teeming with folk taking their seasonal walks so I soon plodded back up it. I give thanks for seeing families apparently having fun, and for remembering however miserable a period this may be for me for many it is a time of festivity and pleasure.

I give thanks for a pot of Patak's Korma paste and persevering in turning some elderly vegetables into a passable meal with quorn. For having a go at cleaning the mildew off the kitchen wall while it cooked, but with less success.

I give thanks that Julie didn't get the memo about me not needing any books this Christmas and giving me one. I've hardly put it down!

Cloud number nine

I give thanks for waking up comfortable - that's so rare that I'm always puzzled for a while trying to work out what's missing! I give thanks for moving eventually and breaking the spell for sorties to the kitchen for tea and toast, and for having the ingredients and inclination. For listening to the many noises in and around the building and accepting I can but strive for inner peace as I'm never going to be rich enough to have the outer sort. For being grateful I don't have more money because the more well off people seem to be materially the less they seem to be able to empathise or realise the ironies of life...

I give thanks for the amusement of musing on the 'news'. All the papers that were recently filled with recipe supplements are now offering free slimming club membership, and Weatherspoons are having a sale on alcohol - because otherwise people wouldn't drink so much, right? For there still being an end of year Top of the Pops, but with a studio audience old enough to be the performers' mums and dads (BBC employees I think)...and for finding out in Siberia they can (and do) block your sewers if you are in debt.

I give thanks for keeping clean and fed and moderately well. Everything seems to take forever at the moment and I missed a lot of the sunshine looking for my shades. I give thanks for the interesting clouds though...

Can't buy me love

I give thanks the heating was on for longer last night. This meant I was warm enough to do the washing up after eating and that meant I discovered there was lots of hot water and could selfishly syphon off a bathful for myself!

I give thanks for getting up at a fairly respectable time despite nightmares, shivers and pain disturbing my sleep quite badly, and thus being on the ball when the mortgage company not only tried to make me pay for another survey when they did one on that property less than two months ago, but wanted me to pay more for one than the price as quoted and paid before. I give thanks for being rather insistent and fierce until they checked the details and backed down.

I give thanks for finally getting round to picking up my pretty turquoise chenille throw as ordered a while ago, and picking up a few other things while I was there. I don't think I've experienced the post Christmas crush in the city since I lived there so it was a bit of an endurance test, but staying indoors is an endurance test at the moment so I give thanks for the variety.

I give thanks for not giving in to the temptation to buy a rather pleasing jumper in town here yesterday day for eighteen pounds as I found a perfectly acceptable one for eight! It still seemed rather extravagant but I seriously misjudged what to wear while staying here and another warm layer is required.

I give thanks for also, somewhat optimistically, buying two rolls of wallpaper I've had my eye on for a while. It's slightly textured and even more slightly sparkly in palest grey and would look good in my bedroom to be, I imagine. I give thanks I could only find two rolls with the same serial number as, though they won't go far, they were surprisingly heavy and I couldn't have have carried three very far at all.

I give thanks for finally getting this written and posted after the internet kept dropping out...and, after a hearty tea, I kept dropping off!

Close to you

I give thanks for the bright mild sunshine, most uplifting to the soul...And for the cold in the shadows reminding me it's not that bad indoors! For discovering behind the blinds I don't open for privacy there are windows that aren't completely closed, contributing to the chill here, and for managing to unstick one and shut it!

I give thanks for having prescriptions to pick up and an appointment to attend as this meant I got some fresh air and exercise. For my previously infected toe getting a clean bill of health...

I give thanks for the coastline and water being particularly photogenic today...and for having my phone with me as I'm not sure where my camera might be...

I give thanks for TV treats including a trip down memory lane to a Valentine's Day when half the UK and countless others around the world held their breath for 4 mins 18 seconds while a romantic tale was told, and the excellent Roald Dahl-esque story telling of David Walliams. The Midnight Gang adaptation was so funny and moving!

Pure shores

Ooh I give thanks for an extra hour of central heating late yesterday afternoon! It warmed me up enough to wash up, tidy the living area and make the bed before layering on extra clothes again and refilling my hot water bottle for another session of chilling in a whole different way from most other folks in the evening! I give thanks for finding some things on TV to escape from reality.

I give thanks for finally waking up properly late in the morning after long hours tussling with pains, and bad dreams and tubular confusion. I give thanks I could see from the nci webcam it was a fine morning for the Walk into the Sea, though I suspect the sea was rather nippy as the walkers didn't go out as far or stay as long as they sometimes do. I give thanks for social media posts about this and other charity and/or fancy dress fun. I stepped into the shower again, that's adventurous enough for me...and of course charitable to others!

I give thanks for eating plenty but remaining pretty pure from my diet point of view having only one square of chocolate and one piece of date filled baklava so far...

I give thanks for putting rugs and throws about here to make myself more comfy and cosy. It also meant when I spilt a full mug of tea just now it mostly soaked my own things.

Splish splash

I give thanks for deciding to brave the bleak facilities for a soak last night with a book, a mug of chamomile tea and my heater on in the hall outside...because the water soon turned from warm to cold and while this was most disappointing running a bath it would have been far worse running a shower! The big radiator was not on last night or this morning so I give thanks my little heater managed to dry my towel for an alternately scalding and freezing shower late this morning, and that no one will get close to me this Christmas as I'm not as well washed as I might be....

I give thanks for getting some sleep... And for managing to get out of bed to get tea when I woke up  - the mattress here and my back do not get on well at all! For kind people asking me if I'd like to be sociable and being understanding when I said no, I really wouldn't today as I'm feeling far from festive. Sometimes to deal with hard times you have to retreat inside and the last few months I've been shrinking so far in I'm not sure how to get myself back. I give thanks, as far as I know, people I know are happy anyway...

I give thanks for some thoughtful presents including two scarves, two cosmetic bags, various smelly things to be saved for a more fragrant environment and sweet treats to be taken in small measures, plus a recommended biography and...the gift that's flown many miles to get here...a model Spitfire of course!

I give thanks for the hour the heating came on. I danced naked in the wrapping paper. No, I didn't really, I took off the beanie I'd been wearing all day to keep tepid and relaxed enough to have a nap.

I give thanks I'm not on the streets. Nor in a hostel. Nor in a hospital.